As I regain my consciousness I immediately notice 2 things.
'Why am I so often unconscious recently and WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS SLIMY SHIT?! Ohhhh, don't you tell me that I am actually still in the womb. YOU FUCKING SHITTY GOD YOU CAN-'
After about 15 minutes of ranting about the old geezer I get sleepy again.
'Damn, do I get sleepy so fast because I'm still a baby? In my primetime I could go on for hours and would still be kicking. That's inconvenient... Welp, I guess it's time for a little bit of sleep.'
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I wake up again and get right to work. I think of the 'Status', and in my mind appears a table which shows me... well my status.
'What did you expect?'
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STATUS
STATS
HP: 1 MP: 150 HP REGEN: 0/sec MP REGEN: 0.12/sec
STR: 0 DEX: 100 (sealed) END: 0 INT: 15 WIS: 12 CHR: 0 LCK: 30
ABILITIES
ACTIVE: Space of distorted Time
PASSIVE: Perfect Body control; Extreme Magic potential (Gift from God); Perfect language comprehension; Inventory
TITLES
"The one who made God vomit"
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'Alright, looks decent to me. Those zero's are probably because I'm still a baby and the "sealed" as well, but what the fuck is that gift? And what the fuck is that shitty title?! Show me the details of that!'
As I think about how I want to see details about "Gods gift", a screen pops up (In my mind of course cause I can't see shit).
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Gods Gift: A special gift from god, since he pities you: "You are just so damn incompetent that I couldn't let you go with just high magic potential. I mean look at you! You would think that you are an incompetent asshole... in love: God"
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'Oh, that damn fucker.'
But his way of giving me a gift, reminds me of something.
'Wait, that resembled a tsundere strongly.'
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'Only the thought of it, turns my still developing stomach upside down.
'Shit, am I really going to vomit in my mothers womb right now, because of a god damn "Old man tsundere"? Why does he have to destroy my favorite "-dere" character?!'
I feel like crying.
'But well... I got a better magic potential with it, so I guess it's a fair trade... LIKE HELL IT IS.
The sadness converts to a boiling anger inside of the raging body of a fetus.
'Someday, I will ascend to a God and beat his ass. Not even his god damn mother will recognize him.'
...
'Does he even have a mother? He's God... I mean... fuck it. And what the fuck is with that title?! Wait, let me guess, it's gonna be one of those super OP titles which will give me a super OP advantage? That little tsundere didn't have to go fa- OH WHAT THE HELL'
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"The one who made God vomit": Your glance makes even gods cast their gaze away. No additional effects, you're just fucking disgusting.
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'Oh he's in for a beating, but somehow I liked tha- NO I DIDN'T. I DID MOST CERTAINLY NOT LIKE THAT!
Suddenly, I get drowsy.
'Before I sleep, I want to know how these stats are rationed.'
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The average stats of an adult are 10. After that, every statpoint makes you significantly stronger than the 10 before. That means that with 20 STR Points you won't just be twice as strong as an average adult. This counts for every Stat, except of "Luck" and "Charm".
STR: The overall muscle strength of the user. Affects the Health in a 2/1 ratio.
DEX: How good one can control his body and flexibility. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
END: The overall amount of hits one can take and how much your body can endure. Affects the Health in a 1/2 ratio and the health regeneration in a 100/1 ratio.
INT: How intelligent you are and how high your mana is. Affects MP in a 1/10 ratio.
WIS: How wise you are and how rationally you can think. Affects the MP Regen in a 100/1 ratio.
CHR: How appealing you are to women (important) and how good you can persuade a person.
LCK: Lucky encounters (even more important) and finding treasure is affected by this stat.
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'Just what I expected, but isn't this Status a bit weird? With all those Lenny Faces and all those "importants"... well it's somewhat funny so I don't really care. I guess it's time to sleep.'
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I wake up to pressure all around me.
'Damn, is my mother giving birth to me right now? Feels weird as fuck. Buttfuck it. HERE I COME WORLD! EXPECT YOUR RULER!!!'
A light blinds me as only my head finds it's way out.
'HERE'S JOHNNY! Sorry, I couldn't resist'
Finally my whole body gets out and I can greet the world. I look around and see that I'm in the arms of the midwife.
'Why is the first woman I see looking like an orc?'
While complaining about my bad luck I see the face of my mother. Under normal circumstances she would be a beautiful woman, but her face stays distorted and it seems like she's still pushing.
'Damn, will I get a twin brother?! OR EVEN A TWIN SISTER?! GOD PLEASE!'
The midwife hands me over to another person.
'WHAT THE FUCK WOMAN?! WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME AWAY TO A BEAR?! I JUST STARTED NEW, GOOD LIFE! I DON'T WANT TO MEET THAT OLD GEEZER AGAIN SO SOON.'
The person starts to wrap me lovingly into a towel, which is a bit itchy but still comfortable, and shows me my mother.
'Huh, seeing how he treats me, he seems to be my father... It seems like I've got some good genes to work with. If I inherit the right ones, of course... OH BOY THAT WAS A BAD FLAG, I TAKE IT BACK!'
While thinking about my future, my sibling seems to have been born.
"Congratulations! It's a healthy boy and a healthy girl!" (Midwife)
'WOHOOOO BITCHES! I GOT MYSELF A LITTLE SISTER!'
My father proceeds to pass me to my mother and the midwife does the same with my sister. I look at my mothers beautiful face and gaze into her gentle eyes.
'What a nice mother I must have, I bet she was sought by-'
"OOOHHH FUCKING HELL, FINALLY! First I had to carry these shits 9 months inside of my womb and now they spread my hole wider than a god damn doorway. But well, now I have 2 slav- I meant beautiful kids, who will look after me when I'm old." (Mother)
'Eh?'