"Yu?" (Lydia)
"I'm listening, my dear Lydia." (Me)
"How long do you intend to look like that?" (Lydia)
I look perplexed at Lydia, before checking myself for any irregularities. Then I found the mistake.
"Oh you mean the fedora? Yeah, I get all the time that it doesn't fit me..." (Me)
"I MEAN THAT YOU ARE COMPLETELY NAKED." (Lydia)
"Oh, you're bothered by that? But I have the fedora on my head. That means I'm not completely naked. And being naked gives me a certain sense of freedom." (Me)
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Stop doing the helicopter
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'I SHALL HANDLE MY PROUD WARRIOR AS I SEE FIT!'
"By the gods, why can't I refute him at such a moment?!" (Lydia)
"By the way, Alexandra. Could you remind me why I can't take all the treasure right now?" (Me)
"That's because it's the rule made by the dungeon master." (Alexandra)
"And the dungeon master is a fucking rock. Let's see how a fucking rock will keep me from nose diving right into a pool of gold." (Me)
Suddenly, the whole treasure disappears, leaving only a single rock behind.
"I will fucking dig that stone out and carve it a new asshole." (Me)
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Aren't you the one who always says that you shouldn't be careless with your flagging?
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'You're not even a real person, so don't try to lecture me.'
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Sometimes, you hit really deep (ಥ﹏ಥ)
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"How do we even get out of this dungeon? There has to be some kind of shortcut right?" (Me)
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Wow, you're really challenging the power of flags today...
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"Yes, there is one. But it's called the "Deathcoaster of doom XVII senior... with spikes of doom" and I don't really know if it can be considered safe anymore." (Alexandra)
"Yep, I see no problem here." (Me)
"WE ARE NOT GOING ON THAT ONE TOO! I'D RATHER JUST GO ALL THE WAY BACK UP!" (Lydia)
"I can always just tie you up and fuck you... I meant bind you on the coaster... no wait, scratch that, the one before that was better." (Me)
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What about both?
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'WHAT A MAGNIFICENT IDEA!'
"I will go on that coaster on my own, so no need to rape me... never thought I would form a sentence like that." (Lydia) (Author Note: I was also pretty sure that I'd never form such a senseless sentence in my whole life. How things have turned.)
"Someday you'll need to lose your virginity like any other girl. Why don't you make it special and have it on a highspeed rollercoaster while being pounded at the speed of lightning? I bet you could still tell your grandchildren about that." (Me)
"I most certainly won't tell my grandchildren about me getting humped on a rollercoaster." (Lydia)
"Can you please let me continue being the dungeon master here? I don't want to be involved in such conversations..." (Alexandra)
"You won't be having such conversations, since you don't have a choice anyway. Just wait until I'm fully grown." (Me)
Alexandra completely ignores my threat and pulls an invisible lever on the wall. Suddenly, a door opens and it reveals a room full of gay posters, gay porn and gay bodypillows.
"Whoops." (Alexandra)
She pulls on another lever and another door opens, which leads to the awesome rollercoaster.
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"I think I actually want to stay in the other room." (Lydia)
"You fucking don't." (Me)
I pull her to the front row of the rollercoaster and tie her on it.
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PUT YOUR DICK IN HER
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'Didn't you know that I'm a hopeless romantic? I want to set the right mood, with flower petals, nice candlellight and-'
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Yeah, I ain't falling for that
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'Wait another 2-3 years, then Imma fuck the shit outta her.'
The ride itself was just a mix between missing tracks, flamethrowers and acid puddles. But it had something which made the ride extremely fun. Don't know what that was though.
"Oh, is that a sphinx that's chasing us? Didn't see one in a while." (Me)
"KILL ME FAST PLEASE!!!!" (Lydia)
"Don't be such a wuss, Lydia. It's not like a Hydra is chasing- oh there is one." (Me)
"JBSDFVFVBDFVADBJKFVJK" (Lydia)
'Why didn't I hear anything from Alexandra the entire ti- oh she's unconscious'.
Well, the ride ended without anyone actually dying. Which was false advertisement to a certain degree, but I ain't no lawyer.
In front of us is now another wall, identical to the one which we entered through. Alexandra pulls another lever and the wall opens up.
"YUUUU!!!!" (Aline)
"If he doesn't live anymore, then I guess every single person on this planet doesn't need to either." (Janna)
"..." (Me)
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What are you just standing there for?
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'Well, I'm wondering why no time seemingly passed while I was in that dungeon and also I'm thinking about the best way to fuck with them. And I already thought of something.'
I cover myself in dirt and fish intestines and blink on one of the edges of the hole I fell through a few months ago. I slowly start to crawl out and soon I'm right in their faces.
"IT'S BRITNEY, BITCH!" (Me)
"KYAAAAA" (Aline & Janna)
'And I can scratch another thing I wanted to say from my list.'
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Why the fuck would you want to say that?!
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'Britney is a classic!'
"I'm just joking girls, we're still alive." (Me)
"But... but I definetly saw that Lydia wouldn't come out of that hole anymore..." (Janna)
"I already heard that before, but don't tell me you can actually see the future or something like that." (Me)
"So we're just going to ignore the fact that she didn't want me to come back out of that place? Yes? Alright..." (Lydia)
"I can't really see the future, but rather I can catch glimpses of what the outcome might be. Has something to do with me being the "holy maiden" of a certain god or something like that. As long as it lets me see you in the future, I can find a use for it." (Janna)
"Ohoho now why would you lie to me like that Janna? It must've been a arch-devil, right?" (Me)
"You are as intelligent as ever, my dear brother." (Janna)
'Wait, does that mean she's really some kind of demons apostle?!'
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Aaaaiiiii lmao
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'THAT DOESN'T TELL ME ANYTHING!!'
From one moment to another, I suddenly felt Alines embrace.
"*sob* Don't you ever think of scaring me like that again. I won't allow it, understood!" (Aline)
I stroke her head in an attempt to console her. But then I grab her by the shoulders and gaze deep in her eyes.
"Aline, there is something very important I have to ask you!" (Me)
"YE- Yes, what is it?" (Aline)
Her excitement seems to build up, but I don't have time for that right now.
"WHERE IS BELKA!" (Me)
"...........................over there." (Aline)
She points to a dumbfounded catgirl in the corner, who doesn't seem to have noticed that I was gone.
"GIVE ME THOSE FUCKING EARS!" (Me)
"Meeeeoooooooowww, I tiauld you miaut to touch me there!!!" (Belka)
"I HAVE WAITED 4 MONTHS FOR THIS!" (Me)
I activate "enhancement" to full throttle and stroke the shit out of those fucking cat traits.
"THE TAIL WON'T BE LEFT ALONE EITHER!" (Me)
"NYOOOOOOOOUUUU" (Belka)
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How the fuck do you manage to stroke her so much while still dodging all those knives your sister is throwing at her?! INHUMAN REACTIONS!
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'THE POWER OF LOVE!'
"Oh right, wasn't the dungeon just about to collapse when we fell through the hole?" (Me)
*RUUUUMBLE*
"I guess that was the signal the get the fuck out?" (Me)
We run the last few meters to the exit. Finally, we stand before the double doors which started this journey and I push them open.
"WHAT'S POPPING IN PUSSY TOWN BOOOYYYYSSSS!!???" (Me)
"AAHHHH PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!! *instantly dies a gruesome death*." (Now dead side charcter #1)
"It's good to be home." (Me)
'I just couldn't help but miss this smell of death and decay. Waaaaaaaiiiiiiiiitttt. Something is not right.'
"Yes, who is that new whore you brought with you?!" (Janna)
"STOP READING MY THOUGHTS, WOULD YOU?!" (Me)
"Hello, I'm Alexandra. Pleased to meet you." (Alexandra)
"I don't think that we should have introductions while people are dying..." (Lydia)
"Lydia is right. In moments like these, we should strip-" (Me)
"We're not stripping." (Lydia)
"Well, then the second option is analyzing the situation. It seems like a few monsters from the dungeon escaped it and are now attacking the school. And why did that happen? ALEXANDRA, YOUR TURN!" (Me)
"Most likely since the dungeon was without a dungeon master for a short amount of time, a few monsters managed to escpae, resulting in a mini-dungeon break." (Alexandra)
"Analysis complete. Our job is done. Ice cream for everyone!" (Me)
"You big idiot! Save those people at once!" (Aline)
"Geez, alright." (Me)
'But for that I need a good soundtrack! SCREENY GO!'
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I'M A SCREEN YOU TWAT! HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I PLAY MUSIC?!
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'There was once a time when you were usefull. Can't help it, have to sing it myself!'
I hold my throwing knives in each hand and prepare myself to go on a complete rampage.
'I already have the perfect song for it!'
My first knife finds my target.
"I'M A BARBY GIRL, IN A BARBY WOOOORLD! *stab* LIFE IN PLASTIC IT'S-" (Me)
"GOD PLEASE HELP ME! *KWAK*" (Now dead side character #2)
"COULD YOU DIE MORE QUIET?! I'M TRYING TO SING HERE! God dammit, no manners here... where was I? Oh, right. IT'S FANTASTIC *stab*." (Me)
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You really intent to do this for the whole fight, don't you?
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"YOU CAN BRUSH MY HAIR, UNDRESS ME EVERYWHEEEEEERE!" (Me)