3 years passed since the last time, and today is my birthday.
In this world only every third year your birthday will be celebrated, but then there will be a big party and lots of guests are coming.
'Alright, we all know the drill. I'm probably going to meet my first love interest here.'
I kneel down on the hard, wooden floor.
'Please, God, let it be a tsundere.'
*Slurp*
'I just can't resist a good tsundere. Oh right, there is still the stuff with storyprogression and shit... Well, let lil' ol' me tell you, that I was pretty damn efficient in those 3 years!'
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STATUS
STATS
HP: 10 MP: 3438 HP REGEN: 0.08/sec MP REGEN: 0.23/sec
STR: 8 DEX: 100 END: 3 INT: 20 WIS: 23 CHR: 14 LCK: 30
ABILITIES
ACTIVE: Space of distorted Time; Lightning step (shortcut: clap); Raygun (shortcut: pointed finger); Enhance (shortcut: slap desired part of body); Lightning clad (shortcut: touch both shoulders diagonally) ; Blink (shortcut: flick); Heal; Search life
PASSIVE: Perfect Body control; Extreme Magic potential (Gift from God); Perfect language comprehension; Inventory; Shortcut
AFFINITIES: Lightning (52,75%); Life (2%)
TITLES
"The one who made God vomit"
"You're fucking ridiculous"
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'That's right bitches! Bathe in my glory! I think every attackskill explains itself. But there is one peculiar skill, and that is shortcut. You don't even know what a relief it was to get that one. FLASHBACK TIME!!!'
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'Alright, I'm now 5 months old and can control my body like an adult... this is weird. Ever seen a baby doing backflips? No? Me neither, until I came to this world. PRAISE THE PERFECT BODY CONTROL AND 100 DEX.'
I raise my arms, making the same posture as a certain knight who likes the sun a bit too much.
'So finally I can try out my first new spell! Okay, let me just get the information of the first few skills related to ligh-'
...
'God fucking damnit! WHAT IS THIS SHIT?!'
As I search through my newly gained knowledge, I find various spells related to lightning. But there is one problem with them.
'Who the hell leaves the enemy about 30 seconds time to complete his fucking spell, while he looks like some N*ruto fanboy?! I would rather die, than do something like that in the open! There has to be another way... I can't put my whole training to waste... Let's start with the purpose of these handmovements!'
I start to wrack my brain.
'It seems like those handgestures are some kind of support, which helps to concentrate and gather the mana inside you or outside of you, to let the wished effect happen.'
I come faster to a conclusion out of that, than the belt was that my mother used to whip me with.
'If it's just "help", can't I leave it out a bit? If I just use a certain gesture, which helps me remember the effect and procedure of the spell, then it should theoretically work just as well, shouldn't it?'
I try it out.
First try: Failed.
Second try: Failed.
Third try: Barely success.
'Call me fucking Einstein, baby.
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Or Babyeinstein hehehehehe... I'm hilarious.
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'But damn. this is hard, even though that was just a basic spell, which let's me gather lightning around my fingers. That isn't even impressive enough to be considered a real spell by the system!'
I continue to think about the problem.
'Maybe, if I have a higher affinity to lightning, it'll be easier?'
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Back to the present.
'And it fucking was.'
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
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Back to the flashback.
After a year of practicing the lightning element, I finally got to make a shortcut for my very first spell, which was actually efficient.
'Am I just imagining it, or is the system getting weirder by the second? It somehow seems like it's a sentient being, at this point...'
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Are you fucking kidding me?! You really managed to make such a skill when you are only 1 and a half years old? Well, fuck you. Here you have it (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻:
A skill was created! The skill "shortcut" will be added to your passive skillslot!
Shortcut: Thou shan't be afraid of any long fiddling anymore! With the shortcut skill you can assign different gestures to your spells, so that you need less time to make gestures and have more time to kick ass!
Quote: "I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum."
You gained a new title!
"You're fucking ridiculous": Even if you are the MC of this story-
(Author note: Stop breaking the 4th wall or else I will make you one of the heroines)
CHILL DUDE
"You're fucking ridiculous": You managed to do something only high magicians are barely able to do, as an infant. +5 CHR; +8 WIS; +5 INT
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'Call me a genius.'
*Shine*
While I think that, I am in the posture of a standard chuunibyou-kid, with my hand covering my face and my free arm holding my other elbow.
'If someone were to see this, I would emigrate to the north.'
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I saw it, ya twat.
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'You don't count. I don't even know if you really exist. And even if you do exist, you can't tell a soul about it.'
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Oh, you really think so?
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At that point, I realised, that I don't want to risk it.
'Pls no. Pls stahp it Mr. Screen.'
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Yeah, you're right, I can't really tell anyone about it. Just wanted to fuck with you.
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'I bet you don't get any presents from Santa, you bitch.'
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Well, he doesn't exist. Maybe that's why.
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'W...wha.... what?'
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Damn, you didn't know that? Weren't you like... 19 years old or something?
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'Oooohhhh, I get it. You say he doesn't exist, because he never gave you any presents. You poor soul...'
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You goddamn donut. I meant that-
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'LALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU'
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Why do I always get the retards?
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Back to the present.
It's my and my sisters birthday. A few of my parents' friends were invited and they brought their kids along. While I'm talking with my sister (who became just like I wanted her to be)-
'I love my fucking life.'
-my parents approach with another pair of parents and a cute little redheaded girl in tow.
"Yu, my little angel. Let me introduce you to someone." (Mother)
'Fucking old granny. When we are alone, she talks and behaves like a damn trucker, but with guests she calls me "angel". Oh, and if you didn't already notice, my name in this world is "Yu Krifta". I also found out that I look similar to my old self, but slightly more handsome. My black hair and green eyes come from my dad, while I have the handsome and gentle face from my mother. My sister comes completely after my mother with violet eyes and blonde hair. Praise god, that she didn't also get the same personality as her.'
"What is it, my beloved mother? cunning bitch." (Me)
She glares at me for a second, but quickly hides it again.
"These people are from the famous family "Eisenhaus". They are the leaders of our village and are one of the more wealthy ones. I wanted to introduce their daughter to you." (Mother)
She looks at me with a smiling face, but cold eyes which say "You know what you have to do, don't you?"
'Well this is probably her introducing me to the first heroine, so I think it's alright...'
I give her a thumbs up.
"No problem, Mother, I would be glad to have another friend!" (Me)
The middle-aged guy left from her starts talking with a rough voice, but a bright smile.
"Oh, how well behaved your son is. He seems to have a bright future ahead of him!" (Mr. Eisenhaus)
He strokes his goatie while he's at it.
'DISGOSTANG!'
"Of course, I bet he would also make a great groom." (Mother)
'What?! You're practically selling out your own son. You're aware of that, aren't you, you failure of a mother?'
"Go on Aline. Play with your peers." (Mrs. Eisenhaus)
From behind Mrs. Eisenhaus, a girl appears with crimson hair and blue eyes. She has a few freckles on her face, which only accentuate her cuteness. A red dress with black dots hangs on straps over her shoulders, fitting for a little girl.
Mine and her parents leave us alone. For a few seconds there is a weird silence until I decide to break the ice.
"Hello, my name is Yu and this is my sister Janna. We are glad to meet you." (Me)
Slowly, the uncomfortable look on her face disappears and is replaced with a smug one.
"Hmpf, you should be honored to be acquainted with me. My name is Aline Eisenhaus!" (Aline)
'YES, OTTERFUCKER! MY WISHES WERE FULFILLED! A TSUNDERE CHILDHOOD FRIEND!!! Okay, let's see. I have to start a conquering plan as early as possible. Her personality looks like a tsundere who is a bit on the arrogant side, probably because of her high status. But first of all, I have to make sure that she really is a tsundere.'
"Let's walk around a bit shall we?" (Me)
I put on my nicest smile and she agrees.
'Alright, here we go.'
I use raw magic power to let a fold appear in the carpet in front of her.
'It costs an extremely high amout of mana to use it without any gestures, but it is possible as it seems. It may even have more uses than mana with an element imbued into it...'
Just as planned, she trips over it and I catch her. We land in a position which resembles the finishing move of a dance, with her laying in my arm and me looking at her face.
"W-wh-who said I needed your help, you idiot?!" (Aline)
She looks at me with a flushed face.
'TSUNDERE CONFIRMED! HEADQUARTERS! I REPEAT! TSUNDERE CONFIRMED!
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HERE IS HQ! BEGIN OPERATION "CONQUER THE TSUNDERE"
Awww shit I'm so hyped. I'm so gonna record all her blushing moments.
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'Understood! Operation "Conquer the Tsundere" will now commence. Can you somehow show me those moments as well?'
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Of course I can. Who do you think I am? I am the almighty screen gifted from God! (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)
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'ALL PRAISE THE MIGHTY SCREEN'
I come out of my dream world and gaze into Aline's blue eyes as long as I can.
"W- what are you staring at?! L-let me g-go!" (Aline)
"Oh sorry, didn't mean to stare for long. I was just mesmerized by your beautiful eyes." (Me)
'That may have been a bit over the board with the cheesiness...'
"Wh- what the heck? Stop saying weird things, you idiot!" (Aline)
'DOESN'T MATTER! IT WORKED!'
She starts to struggle inside of my hands.
'But damn, I didn't believe that all of this would work. I mean, she's 3 years old... Maybe the children in thsi world just mature a bit faster?'
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*Weird, perverted laugh*
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I let go of her and she rushes away. In my mind I am already planning on how to conquer her.
'This is gonna be so much fun.'