You've reached it. Adulthood. Your brains fully mature. You're at the top of your hill...and from here you can only go down. And even now, at your fullest...you feel so...incomplete.

It's not surprising that you'd want to run from it all.

What I'm going to do/have done! (Section)

Right now I'm in the process of moving so writing is slowing down quite a bit on all fronts. Hopefully, it won't take too long for me to get back to the swing of things though.

Things I wrote just for you (And the others here as well!...Section.)

Dearest Rachel

It's okay. I'm here for you. We all are. That's why it'll be okay.

I don't feel okay.

Because even if it scares you right now. Speaking about it will help you heal Rachel.

But I've spoken about it so much! To mom. To dad. To the lawyers. But it doesn't help! It hurts! Why can't any of you understand that?

I'm sorry your parents haven't been dealing with the situation well.

...

When...when my parents divorced I felt there was nowhere for me to go to. They just kept fighting and everything felt so wrong.

...

But then I met my Therapist. And you Rachel! And you both helped me so much. Just...having someone I could talk to eased the pain you know?

...

And that's what I want to do for you, Rachel! I promise I'll listen! And we can talk things out, and then with some time-

It won't! It never does! I just want-

Everything will be alright.

Everything to be alright.

So tomorrow, on-

NO! I'm not talking about it again! I'm tired of being told I need to heal! I'm tired of being forced to talk!

I don't want to be scared anymore! Of being broken! Of being a victim! Of being the girl you need to coddle and pity!

I want to be-

???: "Oh, you're quite brave."

Rachel: "Huh?"

Where did that voice come from? Where I am? How far did I run?

Fuck!

Okay Rachel, think for once in your life!

The homes are like men who never bathe, so It's probably somewhere down-street. We're all the...unsavory things are.

And It's the middle of the night.

And I have no phone.

I'm so fucking stupid.

I searched my jeans, and...yup. No pepper spray. Great. Just...great job Rachel! Now your parents are gonna need to handle two rape cases!

...

No. It's fine. It was probably just a pervert! That doesn't mean-

Clomp, Clomp, Clomp.

...Footsteps, it's getting closer.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-

???: "You wouldn't mind if I joined you, right?"

...What are they talking about? Is it someone I know? It's masculine...but too deep to be dad's voice.

No, it's a stranger for sure... so that was probably an innuendo. So I'm still fucked, literally.

Wait wait wait.

i-I'll scream for help, and then run! Even if this place is shady theirs no way NO one will help me.

r-right?

???: "My big friend dicker could help with-"

He wasn't even being subtle anymore! He's going to do it. Whether I screamed or not. Whether my own dad was trying to pull his nasty fingers off me.

Right in the street, he'd take me. He'd ruin me. He'd break me, just like-

Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

Clomp.

With that final step, my final question was answered.

He was behind me.

I closed my eyes, hoping it wouldn't hurt as much as last time.

...

...

...?

???: "Ay, are you even listening to me? Oh wait you've got your eyes closed, is this some new meditation shit? Am I supposed to be quiet right now?"

I opened my eyes and saw a man that appeared around my age. And like the rest of the neighborhood it looked like he could do with a bath...and maybe a shave or two.

???: "Woah. Nice eyes."

Pff, seriously?

Rachel: "I'm not having sex with you! So leave me alo-"

???: "What? When did I ask for pussy? I just wanted to join you on your trip."

Rachel: "My trip?"

???: "Yeah, to the forest!"

The man pointed his thumb behind himself.

I squinted and made out a couple of trees.

Rachel: "...Are you fucking with me?"

???: "Nah, I don't do that sorta stuff...well, except if it's Dicker. Oh, if you see Dicker tell him that I fucked his mom. If it comes from you then-"

Rachel: "a-Are you brain dead!? Why the hell would I do that!? Why would you even ask a stranger such a thing?!"

The man shrugged.

???: "Why not?"

...Is he serious? Does this doofus really not know how immature he's being? How inappropriate this question is?!

This guy is such a...a...idiot!

Rachel: "Because it's immature! And hurtful! And-"

???: "Me and Dicker get a good laugh out of it though."

Rachel: "...What are you, 9? Adults have responsibilities! We can't just say and do whatever we like! We-"

???: "But it's fun!"

Rachel: "t-That isn't a reason to-"

???: "Why isn't it a-"

Rachel: "STOP INTERRUPTING ME!"

That ear-piercing scream had brought a silence so deep that I could hear the drumming in my heart. The tightening of my fists. The flame that had lit deep in my core.

And I knew where to direct it.

Rachel: "If you think your cool or suave then your dead fucking wrong! You're a glorified man-child who doesn't know a single thing about anything! Because Adults have things they NEED to do. Like, act properly! Not go 'Aww I love my hubby wubby!' or 'BuT iTs FUN!' like a retard! And if you can't even handle THAT then you're just wasting your family and friends' money and time! Like a no life! Like the sack of shit you are! So instead of hurting everyone why don't just f-Fuck off and go DIE somewhere else! And...and...and...."

...Fuck. I'm so pathetic. Here I am talking big about acting properly while screaming and cussing like a lunatic. What the fuck is wrong with me?

...

...Maybe...maybe I really am broken. Maybe-

???: "Shhhh, deep breaths."

The man was close enough that he could catch me in case I fell, did I really look that weak?

???: "Come on, deep breaths."

I took his advice. It helped...a bit.

???: "Here."

He pulled his red scarf off and plopped it onto my hands.

Rachel: "...I'm not cold."

???: "I know, but your crying."

I knew I was, but I didn't want to admit it. So I just wiped as fast as I could to act as if I hadn't.

Rachel: "Thanks. Look...I'm-"

???: "I'm sorry also."

Rachel: "...how...how do you know I'm sorry?"

He had...no he didn't have...he....he gave me a crooked smile. Like he knew it was both cute and disgusting and that the combination would somehow ease me.

He was right.

He pointed at my face.

???: "It's all over that stunning mug, like a stain in a white blanket."

His smile widened.

???: "A bit of snot also."

I felt my cheeks heat and went for a more thorough cleaning.

???: "Aaaand now you got my scarf all snotted up."

Jerk! He did that on purpose.

...It was kinda funny though.

???: "Alright lady, you seem calm now so I'll give it to you straight. I'm a dumbass. Hard to admit it buts it's true. Even my friend Dicker can get pissed with my thick head. I'm sure I did something creepy or rude. Right?"

I nodded with a slight smile.

Rachel: "You probably don't know this. But sneaking up on a woman in the middle of the night is considered bad form."

The man's mouth turned into a big O.

???: "Oooooooh. Yeah...that's exactly what I mean. But umh...I'm sorry. For anything bad I did. I just...I wanted to have fun. I was uh...having a bad day also. a-And I wanted you to have fun!...But I didn't think. And that hurt you...so...sorry."

Rachel: "...It's okay. I...I didn't handle things the best either. I'm sorry for calling you all those awful names."

The man nodded.

We both stood there. Sorry for each other and upset at ourselves. Neither of us sure if we wanted to leave or stay.

I looked down at his snot-covered-scarf. The silky red ruined by my disgusting mucus.

I made up my mind.

I turned and-

???: "Ugh! I hate this sorta atmosphere! Look! Do you...do you want to have some fun with me? n-Nothing sexual! i-I just know a few stories and well...we can go to that forest if you want."

...Have fun? Like just...a couple of kids on the playground? Drunks telling stupid stories? Like...like...people who are okay....

Goodness. It was stupid. I should be back home. Figuring out what happened. Fixing things with my family. Not hearing campfire stories with a stranger.

But...I guess in the end that's all I wanted.

Not this bullshit about convicting my rapist or talking about my 'trauma' or anything else everyone wants me to do.

I just wanted to be happy...again.

Just for a bit. Just for tonight. Just long enough to know that I can still be happy at all.

...

I turned back.

Rachel: "Yeah...okay."

The man's eyes lit up.

???: "Yes! I, Jefferson Adaigo shall tell you, Mrs...?"

I smiled

Rachel: "Rachel...Rachel Culina."

Jefferson smiled back.

Jefferson: "I shall tell you the tale of the man who partnered with the reaper...and is said to have met its scythe in the forest we stand before tonight. In SONG!"

I sat on the road, hearing the singing that Jefferson put so much heart into. Not weeping, not talking, just...enjoying the music.

And so...for the first time in a long time...I felt like....

Myself again

The final section! (Section.)

This is the end section, it ends right here, weeeeehhh! The chapter is done!