A Diadem of Copper Nails (Girl)
Content Warnings:
Shifting in scary shapes one is unhappy with. Talks of personhood and lack of such and chains making us into things we don't want to beee. A cutie getting her feathers preeened!
I leave the rest of the Pack to watch the sky with the snekdoll, including Verbess in its own projection, while I head down into the tunnels. I don't need a guide or direction, our Frame knows where our other User is if I simply let it go and take a step back from awareness. Before I notice, I'm standing before a door left slightly askew that I gently knock upon. "Mistress Lynette, this one is coming in.”
After a full minute of waiting without an answer, I proceed through. Beyond the door is a tunnel, one twisting with vines and roots that seem to actively curl in such a way that would make one with less precise sight think the gravity is shifting. And coming from the far end of the passage, but muffled, are mingled sounds.
A hitching thing that seems growling and furious, almost like a cacophony. Another is sobbing. The third is... steady, but the most muffled. Words in a strange tongue that even Warden doesn't know when I quickly query it, but from the diction and cadence it seems to switch from comforting to demeaning. And a fourth is... singing?
Moving forward, I eventually ascend to a chamber roughly twice as large as a Spire's base. After taking my first steps inside, all voices but the gentle humming of a song cuts off.
Vines as thick as tree trunks grow upwards from the floor to the ceiling. Each lined with heavily glowing nubs that dribble Physis, Ousia, and Empty Nomos. Some have ugly shaped desks with tomes and carved wood tablets atop. Others... with vials of extracted substances.
Off to the side of the room and with their back to the entrance is a figure twice as tall as myself hunched over a tablet. They are rather gaunt and when I look closely, I see withered tendrils hanging loosely from long gangly hair. Before I can even blink or question what I'm seeing, standing in its place is Lynette, her tendrils hanging still and limp.
"Mistress. This one is here to attend to your needs." I say gently as I walk towards her.
Don't think. Don't blink. Do Unto Others in Service and Good Function. Just as she taught us.
"That... Seems a very soft way of putting what you're here to do, Doll." Lynette cackles as the melody comes to an end, glancing back to me with a smirk that doesn't touch her eyes. "But I'm enthralled. Speak your assessments and otherwise, dear one."
I cross the room rapidly and embrace her. "You are hurting. This one is here to help. You are not alone, Mistress.”
She stiffens at first in surprise, taking a long heartbeat to consider this and my words, but soon relaxes and envelopes me back. "I... Thank you, Schatzi. That all went as terribly as it possibly could have, and... and I can barely even..." Lynette trails off, sighing heavily and hugging me tighter.
An audible crack sounds, and her form shivers and shifts partially back into larger gaunt shapes, taking two more heartbeats to settle back into the shared form she and Mistress Elevar share.
"Moonshite." She hisses, voice cracking a little. "Still can't feel them.”
I hold her while starting my horns thrumming. "No Mistress. This one handled the situation. Xafra is back in line, and everyone else is tense but willing to work together without crossing any moral lines or hurting themself. All that is left to work through is yourself and Jezrial. You are in an unenviable position. May this one express what she sees of your situation?”
"If only that was the path available to us now." She laughs mirthlessly, then moves to gather me up in her arms. Pulls us down to settle into vines that twist up from the floor to form a bowl shaped chair. "It's... worse than what you've puzzled, most likely. But I'd like to know what my ever observant gerl has seen.”
"She was right, in some ways this one believes. The Estate itself likely made you with Sun-Blessed tissue as well as more standard Witch weaving to ensure compliance. Even if you somehow got free of it, you would never be accepted by the Groves. Xafra too, was right in some ways regarding you. You don't... consider yourself a full person, but not something like a doll either. The worst of both worlds, handed the expectations of both and the privileges and permissions of neither. For someone who was treated as poorly as you were by Yselda, without the following memories of the aftermath... You did something that you're regretting now, this one assumes. That is the reason you are letting yourself fall apart like this. You expected this one to be... Angry, perhaps even violent, this one believes. Instead, this one offers you forgiveness and acceptance of whatever you have done or feel you are guilty of, in exchange for sitting down with an explanation and letting this one help.”
Mistress Lynette's fingers dance through this one's hair as she listens. Quiet and thoughtful and... other things. Emotions flowing down the bond feel spliced and incomplete.
"I've... suspected what I was woven from since before our talk with the Sun-Blessed. Verified soon after that though. Especially... Cracked and Riven Moon. It's all so hard to explain. What that means. It's not... not about flesh or tissue or even the spores. It's more... memory and perspective and echoes and how our other parts see us and..." She stops, takes a ragged breath. "But it's worse still, dear one. The Denizen filth is the bones and the veins, but the blood is Elevar and even... others. Past Blossoms. And all of it changed by how they see me and I see them and then every moonshited time the Estate looks at me I change more and..."
Another breath.
Then she sighs like she's just exerted all the energy in the world on those words. "Can you understand any of that?”
"Yes. You have inherited much and are actively affected by your chains. Are you... Afraid Sister Xafra will judge you?" I ask directly.
"Of course not. That gerl is..." Lynette sighs, then her hands move to the back of this one's neck as she leans back to stare upwards. "Fine. Yes. But not for being a Denizen. She's already adjusting to that with others. No... Schatzi, I'm not something that should exist. Not just in the past but in the future and now. Actions and schemes everything Xafra hates. Everything that every sensible creature on the surface of this broken world should hate. Not a tool, not a person, but a vessel. A Muppet to perform perfectly the tasks this beast below wants to see done as it slowly rouses.”
"Do you think she doesn't realize that? Mistress, she gave you her eyes for a reason." I remind this foolish woman.
"Keeping Elevar from wanting to inspect those treasures more closely has been a delight but... things could get so very complicated if she or others used them." She pauses, then leans up to pull me closer. "Do... Do you really feel that she understands that? Because Schatzi... I'm going to get worse. What Xafra demanded, It... I... With Krahe and Rufus It was... I didn't... But with Jezrial I can't..."
She squeezes me tighter, like holding this one close keeps something pinned inside her chest. So much like we do our Beppys.
"The Pack bond is... More than what any of our creators suspected, I think. There is a door in the Driftdream, inside Nadine's forge, that she hides with a tapestry. The door is made of wood and woven shut with vines. It is a door made for you." I reveal.
I increase the hum of my horns that mimic my sister's Quills and let my jaw crack and shift into a new… An old… Configuration as my hands do the same. "You missed my important revelation, so I'll share this one with you first.”
"I..." She murmurs, carefully considering the bond and my shiftings while hugging me even tighter. Seeming to lean into the melody. "Schatzi, I have to be so very careful within Xafra's Driftdream. With Him now there, I... I don't want to ruin things. You know I need to keep linked to the Estate. But I trust you, if you'll lead me there and back.”
"I will be your guide." The hum of my horns scream, the forms cracking and expanding as I pull us both from waking to dreaming without a breath between. We stand in the entrance hallway of Nadine's home attached to her forge as she looks at us in shock.
"I... Schatzi I wasn't implying..." Lynette stammers, form flickering as she stares in wonder at my new horns. Only after a few heartbeats does she tear eyes and turn to this Geist. "Apologies, Nadine. There is a door here that my Doll wants to show me. Thoughtfully skipped us straight here due to my... hesitations about standing too long under this Driftdream's suns. I hope this isn't too inopportune a time?”
Nadine stares for a moment before nodding. "I was wondering who the door was for. Covered it up to avoid anyone being foolish enough to try and get through it without permission."
Then she pauses, and drops to her knees in front of me and bows, "My Lady of Annihilation, my home is always open to you.”
What? That's not... no. Don't think. Don't look. Just Act.
"This one thanks you, Nadine. We should be quick.”
Lynette's focus returns to me, tilting head in confusion as her everything stills. Eye's spark with... something. But she says nothing else.
"Let's go." I lead Lynette into the shop and through to the backroom while Nadine stays behind to give us privacy. With gentle movements I take down the tapestry of sea life on the west wall, beside the window that looks onto the moon-lit town square. Behind it is the door I mentioned, old wood, well worn and maintained, woven into the surrounding frame with a stitching of vines.
"You're lovely. By the way." Lynette intones into the silence, voice small and barely a whisper of sound as she stands in the deepest shadow this room offers. "And... Thank you. Again. For coming to find me tonight. But also for... Being the first to ask Elevar to treat me with more kindness than was wise. If nothing else, I will never take your words lightly. About being accepted by you into this... this family. It means the World and all Her Dreams to me that that was the first thing you offered when we spoke.”
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
I freeze up as she talks and my skin crawls, soft flesh changing to a craggy gray hide as I shake my head. "Trying not to think about it. Letting the changes take place once more without impending them. You are important to this one. Worth the effort. Don't worry about the windows. He cannot see within the buildings, especially not at night. Sister Xafra is... effective at wielding her power even under her constraints.”
"That is… So good to know." She relaxes visibly, stepping up to be at my side. Eyes finally moving to the doorway. "Are there things I should know before opening this door?”
"All I know is that it is safe and won't interrupt the connection to the Estate or permit the Estate to witness what lies within.”
Lynette stills. Features going rigid as such a wash of fear titters down the bond. "I..."
She takes a step back, her form shivering and cracking.
"It's so thoughtful and wonderful and..." She whispers, voice panicked and shallow. Trails off to take a breath, nod, and take a step forward. "Okay. But only for a little while. I can calm the Estate to not overworry much. Mayhaps even stop it from... having a stern word with me. Is how we'll phrase that. But..."
Lynette's embodiment in this Driftdream continues to fracture as she offers me her hand. Smirking happily as she watches the changes across my form.
I take her talon and embrace her once more, understanding that this will be a challenge for her. Another crack, a few more pops, and Lynette's big again. Two more arms wrapping about this Frame and keeping me pinned to her chest. Chin rests on the top of my head as hair and withered tendrils fall to limply dangle about.
"She should have listened." Lynette hisses far softer than one would expect from a form that large, voice envenomed with twinned Witch Tone. "Stupid Half-Knit. Wretched godling dangles such a delicious meal all but howling for change in front of me, then demands I either help in carving that cunt up or watch like some starving Grakler. And now next we meet she expects me to just... stop? As if I could even end the cascade now‽ Does she think I wanted to stop because I cared about morals or ethics or... other such nonsense? No. Stupid Half-Knit, I've a chorus of other pasts with expectations and predilections and hungers I've only barely kept restrained. And now the Estate is stirring at the scent of this intake and if I don't... indulge I... it'll…”
"Mistress. You and Elevar both have a fundamental lack of understanding when it comes to Xafra. You both try to push her to be something she cannot yet be, and tighten that expectation like a noose the more you are together." I try to keep the joy from my voice but fear I'm failing. The tones, while not directed at me, layers overtop of my thoughts and calms my racing mind. "She tried to explain, and to her mind you both ignored her and overruled her, and so she tested you, pushed you both farther than was reasonable.”
Lynette growls, and while the sound rolls through me like thunder, the Dream about us seems to still unnaturally. "Then pull us from this place. And explain to me. Plainly. How I'm to regard that gerl. Before I crack further into something incredibly... problematic.”
"Not yet. First put your mark on the door so you can return directly when you wish, then we will go right back and I will explain." I insist.
A long arm reaches out and past me, hovers almost hesitantly. Then slashes a design her embrace does not allow me to see before wrapping about my form again. Thrumming a grunt of acknowledgement for me to take us away.
With a brutal finality I stop the humming of my horns and we are back in the Estate, still embracing but the changes in each of us kept. Lynette still has four arms with long gaunt fingers and vicious talons, gangles of hair and withered tendrils and spots of torn feathers scattered down her form. Cracked scales a dark jade color that shifts a touch depending on the light... And no eyes. Unsurprising if I let myself think about it.
"This one will speak plainly. Xafra isn't a person, she is property, bound to be such by her original forging and reinforced by her name that Elevar granted her. This is not opinion or degradation, it is her Truth that she has been trying to overtake for ages now. She wanted you to forbid her from doing such a horrific thing to Jezrial. Because doing such would undermine everything she's worked on becoming. She wanted you to acknowledge that she's owned by you and Elevar and be assured that you would stop her from hurting herself in that way. Instead, this one had to do so, and..." I sigh heavily.
"And that is not your Function. Hurt you to perform that task." Lynette murmurs gently while leaning overtop, head hanging upside-down as her eyeless gaze regards me. A twisting trio of long deft tongues snip out to taste the air around us. "You are a good gerl, Schatzi. And a perfect Doll. Put up with our nonsense for many many years. But..."
Bond pulses with revulsion and hunger and delight and horror and focus... Not aimed at me but... vibrant and writhing.
"She threw my gentle demand for her to avoid this back in my face. Claimed her personhood in such a gorgeous display of defiance." She both, somehow, growls and coos at me. "I won't take that from her. Won't do anything but enable her to be anything but what she wants to be. Which is very much not mine or Elevar's property. Our chains don't make us what... we..."
She trails off.
Goes still.
More cracks sound from deep within her flesh. Feathers and scales and head tendrils seeming to somehow wither more than before.
"...Oh.”
"I am so sorry, Mistress." I whisper.
More quietly and quickly than should be possible, almost as much as Verbess or myself in the mid-Giyars, Lynette shifts and moves. Deftly leaves me alone in the chair while she stalks over to a pillar.
Tongues taste the air again.
Then she's howling
It only lasts a heartbeat and a half, but when the spell fades Lynette is already lunging at the Root Trunk. Lashing out with smoking talons to tear apart the outer shell of vines. Eventually plunging two arms elbow deep like the massive pillar was hollow.
Then she pulls back. Twitching talons filled with...
Sun-Blessed spores.
And before I can even rise she's snipped out with all three tongues and eaten them all while fresh new vines begin to regrow and seal whatever else is within the Root Trunk.
"Well. I will trust that you are choosing to do that deliberately. Because frankly I don't think I could restrain you to try and get you to stop. However, this one is running out of capacity to... Be currently, and will likely have to summon the Pack if you are having issues, Mistress.”
"I'm nothing besides issues, dear Schatzi. But..." She takes a breath, then moves to scoop me up and settles back into the chair. "Having you to hold close helps me keep most of them restrained. I've now bought us... time. Mayhaps even perspective. And you're right. So... unless the Primary User overrules me I'll make my first motion as Xafra's Mistress in the morning."
She shivers, form beginning to shrink and soften as she pulls me closer. Not quickly but... In subtle ways I can feel. Voice... quieting and losing that weighted Witch Tone as she murmurs. "No more delays. We will remove the Basal Garrote tomorrow. At least one of Sikkina's mothers will be only what she desires before the Cracked and Riven Moon rises next.”
"Alright. I love you, Mistress. This one is going to take us back to your spire now if that is acceptable." Thinking hurts so much but I can't ask her to do that. Not when she's so fragile at the moment. If I take the long way after the tunnels, we can avoid the mirrors. Don't know how to change back, or even if I should. Later.
"You'll do no such thing, Doll of mine." She hums and rises, keeping me curled close and amidst arms and pinned to her chest. Big feathers tilting to curl around me like a blanket. "Thank you for attending to me. For your patience. For... this. I can taste how scary it is for you and... you will tell me if I can do anything to help you along or backways. Is that understood?"
The Witch Tone she lays over me is soft, gentle even. Not directed and not a command. Simply... a declaration.
I melt like putty in her arms and smile widely. "Yes, Mistress. This one likes your voice, it helps this one settle.”
"Does it? Hmmm... well isn't that some good news." She chuckles and nuzzles me close, Witch Tone wielded like soft fingers through hair. "The Tone, when used with some subtle grace, being less than wretched. Like most things. And to be clear, dear one, your form is radiant. Feels and tastes so much like..."
She trails off, letting tongues nip out and about as she moves us through dark tunnels and passages.
"Warm ashes. Softer than silk but brimming with the treasures that survived the blaze waiting to be found." She intones softly, but with a grin. "And well-honed sharp bits tend to endure the heat from before so well.”
"So long as we leave the salt behind, Mistress. It's not good for you." I move with her happily, thinking about all the fun things we could do. "Mistress... This one would really like to help you clean your feathers. They're really pretty but a bit floppy right now.”
She slows. Talons reaching out to find...
"Oh. Right. Those... of course." She sighs as fingers wrap about the roots of a few, feeling at their texture. "Yes. Please. Just... help keep my little one from seeing me like this, okay? She'll panic and I've not the heart to touch her with my Tone to help her calm.”
"Illusion or avoidance? They're all still outside with her, so we'll get back without issue. The Pack knows where we um. Where we are, and are giving us time.”
"Good. Thank you." She relaxes and pulls me closer. "Just... I'll settle this nonsense with our form by morning. Of course. Shouldn't need either. So... avoidance. I... Can I take us to a different Spire? My little one is cursed with good hearing, will recognize their rustling and then the Pack will struggle to calm her and just…”
"The um. The workshop Spire should be empty still. Hasn't been used recently and there's some beds there." I offer after a good hard think.
"I... think that might still be too close. Her hearing was made to be horridly sensitive." She murmurs. "Let's... Oh I think I know a spot. None of the Dolls should be there at this hour and the water will help with the cleaning."
"Yes Mistress. That sounds great.”
** ** **
An hour later, I'm carefully steaming mistresses feathers and spreading the preen oil along their lengths after shaking loose particulates, focused entirely on my work as my Mistress relaxes with me and lets me pamper her.
"This one doesn't mind taking care of you, Mistress. It's a pleasure really as long as you're okay with it as well. But... This one is a bit worried about the um. You know... The spores?”
"Hmm? Oh. Apologies. I'm... well it's imprecise to say that we're immune but the outcome is the same." Her form has shrunk more. Begun to naturally shift away from having so many dead parts. Feathers and scales and even hair tendrils seeming more alive and less withered and broken. "I... needed to make an effort. Pointedly. Forward. Toward... toward what I'm going to do to Jezrial. Begin the research, and such. Digesting those spores while like this does that. And I need to be more calculating so it's letting me settle. Put away the more voracious bits in favor of calmer... impulses.”
"Are you happy with the changes though?" I ask as I continue to maintenance her.
"That's a complicated..." But she doesn't finish that deflection, instead lets out a deep sigh. "I can enjoy them just like I did the flesh Yselda rewove. But unlike then... It is me, Schatzi. This big dead Amalgam of screaming hate and twisted wroth is... is everything I am and want to be. The woven Muppet for what happens when this Estate's Blossom decides to eat someone. But... No. To your question. I'm not happy. I'm... conflicted. Ravenously confused. And spiteful. I may not be able to see what I look like but I can feel and taste it all. All the rotten things stitched together to make... me. Just given a form to match the mess inside.”
With a tiny frown I boop her nose. "You're messy because you're being all emotional without taking care of yourself. Look at these feathers now that I've properly preened them! They're so pretty like a sneks. And once I give your scales a good polish they'll look wonderful as well, and and and, Mistress can I paint your nails‽ You have so many nails to sharpen and paint. And then I need to figure out proper tendril care. Probably will ask Calix, since he helps the others with similar features. Is that okay?”
Lynette goes still at my touch and words, taking that all in before murmuring. "I'd like some of that. Thank you. Your attentions fill me with some measure of calm and peace. But only during the day. Because... I can't, won't let her see or hear me like this. My little one. Even made soft by your skills it would only upset her. Because this form has too much of her old self knit through it. Not just the shapes outside but the spores and echoes and memories within. The gerlthing she was, butchered and archived before being replaced into... into me. I won't parade that obscenity before her. Not when she's finally starting to heal and find some measure of broken happiness. Mayhaps even... um..."
She goes quiet while pulling me back into her much smaller but still comfy lap. Wraps arms about me while talons absently brushing over smoothed feathers while she considers something that fills the bond with a twisty mess of hope and terror.
I snuggle into her arms, and thrum a soft comforting tune giving her time to form her thoughts.
"I really should ask the poor dear. If... if she'd prefer to call me... Something less a reminder to what she's lost."
Four feathered arms become two without, talons reshape into softer hands, tendrils click and shift and begin to dance a wriggly worried tune. And after a few heartbeats, Lynette is sucking in a gasp of surprise.
"Oh. Schatzi..." She murmurs, hands adjusting to turn me about in her lap. Returned eyes of cerulean triple iris flickering up and down my form as such a grin plays across her lips. "These new shapes are perfect. Wonderous in the cracked moonlight. Everything I could barely see as my eyes faded but could taste bubble up. You... Well, your hair is basically perfect but I'd adore the chance to explore it and those horns. Perhaps with a comb we can probably find back in our Spire?”
"That sounds really nice. If you like this one like this then it's good and proper. This one is happy to serve and really hopes that everyone can get along, you know?" I close my eyes and lean into her, letting her carry me back home.