Ecdysis and Exuvia Unburial (Doll)
Content Warnings:
Um... um.... SO sosososo. A gerlthing asking a boything to pretend to be a gerlthing so she can try and get past her hangups about gerlthings with dick(s). Claustophobia. Being called stupid. Like.... honestly this is very wholesome despite Adaline sad murples. Being trans is hard my friends and gendr things and sex things are WEIRD to figure out. Also snek gerl is here trying her best. Some suicide ideation from her. And... Xafra and Schatzi are tired. Mhmhm. It's been SUCH a long day for these cuties. GOSH!
I take Calix with me as instructed when I leave Mistress Xafra's Spire. Our Spire now, I guess, based on how she seems to treat us all. "Calix, you're the eldest to my knowledge. Where did Yselda keep maps?" He's a moron, but has absolutely brilliant flashes of insight that could be useful. and... I let the thoughts trail off. Need to focus.
"This one... thinks that Miss Adaline and Mistress Elevar moved them all into Storage Spire One? There was talking about moving her stuff when this one was... being put away.”
HE WAS BLOODY AWAKE?
"Calix... How... long were you... still aware when you were... put away?”
He looks up from the notebook where he's scrawling odd symbols, "Hm? The whole time. It was really weird. The Spire kept whispering to this one, so it wasn't too lonely, mostly just boring.”
"Ah." I don't know what to say. The Spire whispering? Like the Estate and how it talked to Yselda? That's almost more horrific than the idea of being locked into one's own frame for that long. I drop the subject as we make our way rapidly over to the Spire. It's... a lot less unpleasant than last time, since myself, Elevar, and Schatzi cleaned it up. "Scrolls should be on the third floor. Any idea what these maps look like? This one didn't go through many of Yselda's documents.”
"They were mostly put on massive preserved leaves from what this one recalls. Not standard parchments.”
I scoff, remembering how annoying those things were, just a big stack of leaves that I wanted to burn instead of storing but was unable to originally due to my entrapment in her Spire. "Yeah. When this one was in here a few days ago she saw them stuffed in a corner. Follow me.”
We spread the maps out, physis woven ink marking the surrounding Groves and other settlements in the wider region, but. nothing for the grounds themself or anything below surface level. Where can I... oh. Fuck. "Calix…”
"Yes, Miss Adaline?”
"I know where we can get some maps but... if you share the details without direct prompting from either of our mistresses, I'm going to hurt you.”
"This one thinks that threats should be something unwanted.”
"You adorable freak." He really is cute and when he spoke with Xafra's voice in the tunnels…
I shake away my perverse thoughts and lead the way to the corner of the Estate, to where I marked my grave. "Get Digging."
He doesn't question what we're digging up or why it's buried here and for that I am thankful. After a half hour of moving dirt by hand, we uncover a small crate that I had placed there, thirteen years ago. My effects, the last of what I possessed before I was woven into this body.
"What do you want done with the hole?" Calix asks, covered in dirt and grime.
I think for a moment and make a decision. I push the rock I had originally placed as a headstone into the hole. "Let's fill it back up, then get this crate to the Spire, and get cleaned up."
When we return, the Spire is empty, Mistress having headed to Elevars. We take turns using a washbasin to get clean, as the showers require the ability to use Physis, which neither of us possess anymore.
Then.. we get to the crate.
"So... this one figures it's reasonable to ask now... what's in here?”
"Some of this one's things from before. She... didn't want to lose everything. And that's lucky for us, because this one has drainage maps for the region that were made to keep track of seawater flooding. Will help with finding caves if you can use that insight of yours on them."
I pry it open, move aside the dresses I had commissioned but never wore, the painting of my parents and younger sister, the plush grakler I kept from childhood, until I get to the important stuff, the research documents.
While I'm looking through those, Calix starts looking at the dresses curiously and I scathingly snap at him, "Might as well try them on if you're going to fondle them.”
He looks at me, entirely missing the irritation, "You're okay with that?”
I nod, mind suddenly racing again. Calix could be a really cute girl. And... he has a dick. Which means... I could adjust, learn how to appreciate an endowed woman before approaching Mistress Xafra.
He takes the first one and leaves the room to change, returning momentarily in a little black number that shows off his willowy frame and light brown surface. Oh heck. "This dress is really cute, and it flows nice, Miss Adaline.”
I nod again. "Calix. Would... you come here please?”
He approaches and stands in front of me "Is this good, Miss Adaline?”
"Yes. Can this one touch you, Calix?”
His voice gets a bit husky as he agrees, "Yeah? Alright.”
I run my hand up his smooth porous leg and can see him starting to tent the dress. "Calix... can I... continue?”
He takes a step back, shaking his head. "No, Miss Adaline. This one... doesn't think that would be a good idea.”
What? This... He was clearly enjoying himself.
"Can I ask why?”
"Miss Adaline, you don't like men intimately.”
"But... You could be–”
"No, Miss Adaline. This one thinks the dress is nice, and doesn't mind dressing up, but he is a boy.”
Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.
"Can't you just... pretend? As a favor to me?" Idiot. This was a terrible idea.
Calix sits across from me and denies me again. "This one could, but won't. Not unless Miss Adaline explains why.”
"This one... just wanted to get past this... hangup of hers. So she can be with Mistress Xafra."
He's gonna hate me.
He smiles, "This one figured it was something like that. Miss Adaline, there are other girls here like her, that decided to keep their genitals. If you approach them openly, they may be willing, just... don't pretend. You're really attractive, Miss Adaline, but you're not interested in men, and that means that we can't be intimate like that as this one wouldn't be comfortable helping you hurt yourself like that."
I cry and he carefully puts his arms around me. This jerk, being kind and considerate.
"Why is this all so hard?”
"This one suspects that it is because Miss Adaline has not had many opportunities to be a girl who likes other girls, yes? This one remembers you were...still fumbling at it when he first saw you, and you also spent most of the time since trapped. That's not a very stable learning environment.”
"Jerk. You can... keep the dresses, if you want, as an apology.”
He changes back into his sleeveless coveralls as I compose myself. "Okay. I'm going to leave these maps with you so you can see if you find anything. This one wants to put snurgle somewhere safe, and find a better spot for her family portrait.”
"Snurgle?" The asshole chuckles.
"Aaaaaaa, I'm going to kick your ass, Calix!" I yell as I walk out with my plushie and picture.
** ** **
After hiding— placing Snurgle in a place of honour in my display case and hanging up the family portrait on the balcony wall, I head to the entrance to check on the others as one of the doors in the basement slams shut violence.
I jump a bit, but go to continue when Primrose and Nettle come out from their space.
"Um... Miss Adaline." Primrose begins, looking wide-eyed and concerned at me as Nettle chimes in with a look of worry, "There's something in the basement."
I pause, then run to the basement door as another slam echoes through the Spire.
"Get Schatzi, Mistress is in no condition to fight" I order them as I rush down the stairs.
As I reach the door, I hear a low grinding sound of something being pushed across the floor inside, then a quieter slam as the door shakes a bit. Like things are being pushed and piled against the closed door and little muffled huffs of exertion all throughout.
Something makes me stop and consider before simply barging in. "Hello?"
A pause just before my words, and it's like whatever is pressed against the door is shoved closer as a small voice hisses from the other side. "No no no no! Stupid Mistress' stupid Doll! Go away! Let this one hide!”
I chuckle and slump against the door. "This one is not going to go away, but won't come in for now. Did you want to claim that as your room?”
"Wh- what?" The thing inside hisses. "NO! It... it just WAS in it's space but now the Fog wants to snuggle close and it HATES that and... and wanted to ask the Mistress why she's upset with this one and closed off the deepest nooks and.... and now the Sky is angry and it NEEDS to keep it out!”
"The Mistress got stuck. Was... hurt. Not angry with you in the least. This one believes it will take a while for the... nooks to open back up.”
"N- no that... but it was..." I begin to hear thrashing and spitting. "It was PERFECT! Quiet and dark and the Sky was starting to FORGET about HER! And... and now it's going to leak in and make it remember and... and the fog isn't letting this one go deep and... and..." The Doll falls into sobs at that. Barely managing to sputter out. "Please. NO! PLEASE just be stupid and lying and wrong and horrible. Please tell Mistress this one is sorry and hates itself and what it was and doesn't want to go back. Doesn't ever never want to leave. Is a good Doll and will stay quiet and withering. Please please please please please…”
"This one will make sure the sky can't leak in. You saw the little wall along the bottom of the door? it's there to stop that from happening. and this one will make sure no one opens the door until it's nighttime again. Will that help?”
"N- not lying or stupid?" The Doll inside whispers.
"This one is... pretty stupid, but isn't lying or wrong.”
It goes quiet for a while. "This one is sorry. Being stupid makes everything harder.”
I gently knock my head against the door. "Mmhm. This one... keeps causing problems and hurting others she cares about. Wants to do better.”
"You... Shouldn't do that. Hurting others Mistress doesn't want you to hurt is bad." It murmurs carefully. "But wanting to do better is good. Not stupid. Unless... unless lying again. It hopes you're not. A- about everything you're saying now.”
"You're right. You're a good Doll."
I sit in silence against the door until Schatzi and Mistress Xafra come bounding down the stairs, both looking out of sorts and barely awake.
"Miss Adaline, Sister Xafra wants to know if you're okay.”
Sister Xafra? What have I missed? Fuck. I'm falling behind. Going to be forgotten again at this point.
I plaster a smile on my face while I seethe internally, "Yes. It was a false alarm of sorts. The doll that Mistress Xafra and I found earlier is in this room. I promised to keep the door closed until dusk.”
Mistress Xafra lets out a strange yipping sound then crawls into my lap and I freeze in confusion.
"She says that you can pet her if you want, and that we will wait for nightfall here with you as well as her other Dolls once they wrap up what they're currently working on.”
"O-oh. That sounds good I think." I thunk against the door again, "Hey there. You're gonna have some guests come nightfall, so this one hopes you can be nice."
Such odd developments. I guess I can just…
I carefully put my hands on Mistress Xafra's scaled back, and immediately feel delighted.
No one can replace you, Dark Lord Snurgle, but this... is pretty good too.
“No. Stop it!” The snek doll hisses quietly. “No hugs!” Alongside a few slaps of her tail on the root floor.
"Okay, This one won't hug you. She has been very clearly instructed to do no touching without permission.”
“No. Not stupid doll. Rude fog!” It slaps tail again. “Is sneaking like this one once did and trying to steal hugs! Said no!”
"Mistress, can you help it somehow?”
“W-wait. Mistress is here?!?” Suddenly, a mess of sounds comes as the snek doll tries to move things clear of the door.
"Yes, my Mistress is here but. I don't think she's what you expect dear.”
The doll hesitates, “Mistress is mistress. It Needs… needs to apologize and…” keeps shoving, “Get her to let it hide in nooks and make the fog STOP IT!” More furious slaps, “NO! Go back below!” It huffs “Why are these heavier the second time?”
Mistress Xafra explodes in my arms, countless tendrils pushing through the door towards the other doll as she yowls in annoyance.
"She says that if the Doll stays near the door, Mistress can prevent the fog from hugging her.”
And at that moment, Calix, Primrose, and Nettle all arrive, Calix tumbling headfirst down the stairs holding a massive bundle of blankets while Primrose and Nettle work together to carry a second bundle of lounging mats and pillows.
"First!" Calix exclaims joyfully, picking himself off the floor.
It takes a bit, but soon it sounds like the last piece of some is removed from the door. The snek Doll takes a deep breath it does not need, then opens the door. Immediately she presses hands over eyes and head into the flow as she bows low. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry! This one is a bad doll and hates itself and what it was and wants to give the mistress all her stories and… and is sorry it’s broken and scared and… and…” behind it, the fog curls from any crack in the door to the tunnels. Held at bay by Xafras weaving.
Calix tilts his head and murmurs “New blossom cultivation?” before Xafra hops out of my lap and into the room, yipping back to us.
Schatzi loudly relays Xafra's instructions for my benefit, “She says everyone in the room, so the door can be closed again.”
As we all scramble inside, Calix sets down the blankets, looks up and casually says, "Heya Dezi, this one hasn't seen you in decades. Did you want a pillow and blanket for the slumber party?”
The strange doll is filthy, fur torn and muddy. One ear mauled. Cuts and nicks all over her, even the feathers on her arms are frayed and torn. It flinches as it scoots back awkwardly against the wall, peeking up to glare at Calix. "Stupid Tester Doll. This one doesn't have a name. And NO! It is trying to apologize so it can finish withering below!”
"He's known as Calix now. and you don't have to have a name if you don't want to, this one promises.” I interject.
Decades? If Calix knows her, she must be one of the first of Yselda's Dolls…
The snek gerl looks worriedly between Mistress Xafra and me, shivering. "It... it... but... This one is not supposed to want anything. Just what Mistress tells it to want. But... but where is Mistress? Are you being stupid again?”
I'm contemplating how to answer when Calix mutters, "Dezi sounds better than Suspected Denizen Doll number one."
And… Then Mistress Xafra loses her mind.
She shifts into her Warlord form, leaping into the air and motioning with all six arms as the walls, floor, and ceiling all melt, flowing into a seamless solid surface, sealing off and isolating the room completely, while at the same time Dezi’s scarlet eyes go wide before she quickly hides them and cowers as low as she can whispering an almost incoherent stream of pleading apologies to Xafra.
Mistress Xafra lands clumsily, staggers and sways, almost mirroring this serpentine Doll. She turns to me and murmurs, "Defend and subdue... please." before collapsing fully on the ground and reverting to spearform.
Calix starts muttering something about a planted blossom and I silence him with a wave as I move to pick up the Mistress.
This stupid bitch. Defend and Subdue like I'm some sort of frontline combat Doll instead of an assassin unit. "Doll. Get up." I order this new one, pointing the Mistress at it.
Stupid Mistress, draining herself to protect us when we weren't even in danger.
"Nettle, Grab... three of the mats, build a bolt hole in the corner there, like we used to do for that skittish fox doll that... you know the one." I continue without pause, "Primrose, help your pinnate with that, then do that comforting thing you do." Then I spin on Calix, "Darling, I am so very angry with you right now. I don't know what the fuck you are rambling about but I need you to sit with this Dezi and keep it calm."
What exactly am I even supposed to do with the Mistress? Put her back in the frame? I can't let her in my mind. I can't. I come to the only sensible conclusion.
"Here!" I shout at Schatzi, throwing Xafra over to her. "Take care of your Sister, you damn slut.”
Then I finally let myself panic, start sobbing and clawing at the wall that used to be a door. letmeoutletmeoutLET.ME.OUT.YOU.EVIL.FUCKING.SPIRE
"I'll be good, promise, just let me out” I whisper to the wall.
Like a response to my plea, a passage cracks and tears open to the stairwell, letting me run outside to the blessed freedom.
I drop to the ground and stare at the uncaring suns until they hide behind the horizon.