Root Rules (Witch)
Content Warnings:
N- none? NO WAIT! Slur usage as self harm things? Kinda? mupples?
“So…” I let Lynette say through my lips to the gathering, “Before I let loose the flock into the wilds, let us… establish some expectations and understandings.”
Waited as long as possible, let Xafra’s work freeing the rest of her Dolls give me an excuse to avoid this for the past four days. Kept us away from… from all that. Focused on the research. Only really bumped into a few Dolls along the paths. Talked to only one, and that was some spider shaped gerlthing that is apparently spending all her time organizing one of the Spires into a central Library.
“First, if you get lost, which you should not do, just find your way to the Thorn Wall. The Spires can be seen for five Grove spans so you’ll know where to scurry to. Any Dolls of this Estate will be allowed back in. Secondly If you see anyone about that isn’t from this gaggle, tell Xafra immediately while hiding and avoiding to the best of your ability. Thirdly, this place will become quite the… inhospitable home should we not return. See to it that we do. Understood?”
And then the cunt waits, letting the quiet breeze and lite sounds of the suddenly very lively Estate wash over and past us.
We were the last to arrive. Found Xafra, our Doll, Adaline, Nettle and Primrose waiting. All wrapped up in lite traveling clothes with a few bags of supplies alongside some books clutched.
Primrose and Nettle nod immediately. Replies soft but precise, “Yes ma’am.” in sync. Not really parsing out the threats and calculated cold nature of Lynette’s thinly veiled threats.
"Yes.... ma'am." Adaline responds, the pause speaking volumes.
"You're precious." Xafra sighs, then turns to the gerls. "Adaline, stay within arms reach of Nettle and Primrose as we discussed. Let me know when collection is done in an area before I harvest. I have, honestly, no idea what plants are good for what, so I'll mostly just be keeping watch until we're ready.
Lynette smiles, and struts forward through and past the group. “Wonderful.” After a pause the Thorn wall just… pulls away like I’ve not seen it do in over a decade. Not since Yselda wanted to expand the river root system. Unfurls an opening half as big as a Spire’s base without even a motion of our hand. Not a drop of blood or Ousia needed.
She smirks just at the border while releasing control back to me.
Close if I try something stupid, more like. I sigh.
I pointedly ignore her and glance back at the group, trying to give them a smile devoid of all of her nonsense. “Alright, at your leisure. Just… let me know if you need help with anything. I… I made sure we’re right on top of one of the pathways. There should be most of the ingredients you want along it, Primrose. I actually did this for the Old Cunt quite often so… just fetch me if anything in those books doesn’t make sense.”
“Mhmmhmhm… Thank you Witch Elevar!” She smiles and scurries past, her Pinnate tugged along by one arm. Adaline looks at Primrose, shakes her head and follows closely.
Taking a deep breath as we all move a bit farther into the jungle, I turn to Xafra. “So… All the Dolls settling well? Schatzi told me there were a few odd problems but… nothing that needed our attentions.”
"So far as I can tell. There's a lot, of course. I uhm... So I learned about this thing called dysphoria? And it sucks. A lot."
Can't help but wince in reaction to that, aching at the thought of my Xafra, so easily able to shift, finding herself woven into a shape she hated. “I… Yes. It’s a wretched thing to endure. I noticed your new Doll form is different from last I saw and assume… You had some first hand experience with it? Have you been able to settle it?”
The sword within her Driftdream flitters once again into my mind's eye, the one she called the core of her soul. And... why it might remained in a shape she didn't seem to like. But the answer is obvious, now especially. And fuels me to keep to my promises…
"Yes. I... will admit, my reaction was unacceptable, and I wish to apologize for it. When I remade this form, it felt significantly better, the crawling screaming skin-wrong was gone. I have not had issues since. I do still need to rebuild my human form, but that is not a rush, as this one is more... efficient cost wise."
I can't help but let out a sigh of relief. "Good. I'd not wish it on anyone, especially you. And if there are other things you need for your new forms that I can give just... let me know. Alright? Supplies or... or otherwise. Dysphoria is an old monster I've settled to slumbering many a times. Having someone close to help you through rough patches can mean all the world to getting past it."
Xafra smiles and gently pokes me with her tail. "Thank you, my Mate. Are you both doing well?"
Well? No. Not at all.
I’m not sure I’ll ever feel well ever again.
I know my expression isn’t very convincing, but I hope it softens as I reach over to brush fingers along her outstretched limb. “Trying to do better. Staying busy keeps us from… focusing too much on our differences.”
"An understandable goal, but also, don't forget that your differences and the ways you wish to travel into the future, do not need to be a source of Division or Dissonance. With two minds, it's likely possible that you could eventually pilot a Frame at the same time the other controls the body swapping back and forth on a whim. You have the potential to be a wonderful team."
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
I consider that for a bit. “She… you really think our compromises could last without Wards to stop her? Because I don’t, and I was her.”
"Hmm. I'm trying to find a way to explain this to you. I explained my views on Lynette to Adaline, but there's a difference in perspective of course." Xafra scratches at the roots below with a foot claw, only to wince then chuckle when one talon breaks. "Okay. So. When you say I was her you are fundamentally incorrect. She has the memories of the person you were. She was you. But not the other way around. From the instance of her creation she started making new memories from a new perspective. One subordinated and bound in a body that feels like hers, yet not bound the way you were. Gentler, kinder, but... My dearest Witchling, when I say I will tolerate no häuslich where I dwell, that includes Lynette. I do expect you to free her eventually, to either share the body with her or assist her in claiming one for herself. I will not have my daughter raised to learn that both her mothers are in unwilling bondage."
Lynette’s bubbling with glee, but... goes silent at those last words.
“And… if I don’t agree to either? If I don't think she'll change?” I whisper very softly. “I… I will never fight you, nor let Lynette fight you, but… what if your daughter hatches and I still won't unbind Lynette?”
"If... I don't know. Please. I... Can't. Don't put me in such a position. Please." Xafra's words come out weak, her easy confidence nowhere to be seen.
I expect Lynette to have words here. Trying to push me toward this. But… Nothing thrums from her. Not a whisper. It… feels intentional. Like everything else she does. Which just muddles this. Because I know I would have done the same. Make my guilt drown me. Make me fear this fissure between Xafra more than the cruel woman who she doesn’t seem to understand is horrid.
But… I also want to trust Xafra. My. Xafra. MY partner. My mate. This fool gerl is unwilling to let even this drive her off and... Huh. Well there's a thought.
I take a deep breath, let it out, and shuffle just a bit closer to her. Touch the side of her hand to mine. “Then… let’s be clever about this. Because we’re not the first lovers to ever find ourselves at an impasse. This is quite the mess but… we can work it out. You’ve made me grow in these past few weeks, and… and Lynette will be harder to handle. Maybe impossible. But I'm willing to let you try to change her. If… if you’re willing to trust me to keep you safe? And… a year may not be enough time. And I hate that but... I am willing to put as much of myself as needed into the mother of my lover's child. Sikkina deserves that. You deserve that. I'm not willing to lose you over this.”
"I'm willing to make what compromises are needed. I just... don't have a lot of values or guiding principles. I'm not very smart, I'm impulsive, I'm indiscriminate, I'm... not... good by any objective measure. But... I have to have a line. To be more than what I was made to be." She murmurs. "Lynette hasn't done anything yet, right? She's new. Blameless for the past."
I lean in to nudge her arm with mine. "You are smart though, clever beyond what is fair when you give yourself time to consider the problem. Your impulsiveness is... problematic but not wholly so. And you've worked very hard in these past weeks to NOT be indiscriminate when the environment allows it without punishing your wonderful compassion. And... this is a good principle, and you are wise to pursue it now that you have the freedom to do so. And as for Lynette being blameless as you put it..."
I think pointedly in her direction. "I know you have opinions, care to weigh in on my Xafra thinking of you in that way?"
A pause, and I let her bubble up to turn and smirk at Xafra. "As much as that could benefit my own desires... that is not a useful way of thinking of things, dear. In... a variety of ways. I'm not like you in regards to your Geists' pasts. And much of the way our Elevar describes me is metaphor. To me I did most of the horrid things she claims. And... Honestly with how riven her past decade was, and how much I'm naturally... disassociated from her trauma, you could say I was asleep. And all that aside, even if I was a new creation with false memories... unless you could somehow reweave me in a way that would not be as horrid as a Garrote, all that would matter would be what I want, and all the things I'm willing to do to get them, and how those things could be changed. That's where I think we should start if we want to compromise with our Elevar."
"Understandable. I'm interested as mentioned. My own hands are not clean, and I am willing to do very many terrible things to achieve my goals as well. That includes accommodating the proclivities of mine. Including you."
"A proclivity, am I?" Lynette chuckles, then pauses to tip-tap our lower lips in thought. "You... once told us that you consider everything owed to you, as... What was the term? Wergild? Penance for the crime of your creation? Close enough I think. Has that changed? I ask because while Elevar might think kneeling to the Grove's demands and adopting meekness a wise solution, I'm quite the opposite. If they send a Thresher gaggle as their envoys I'd advise her to melt all but one of the cunts with our Blitzköder and have the survivor carry the smoking bones back as a message."
Even her casual use of the name makes my stomach churn in threat to turning over. Just… just like so many of my old spells.
"No dear, You're not a proclivity, you're mine, and I will entertain your proclivities, your nasty habits, and your subtle cruelties, as long as they stay within what I consider quite reasonable limits. Yes, I am Owed, and as far as these Threshers go, I won't stop until they are naught but a memory like the time before the reaving of the moon. Now. What is this Blitzköder you speak of; it's not something I'm familiar with."
"Our second Einwandfrei. Knit from our studies of Thresher spells." She jerks our gaze to narrow eyes at Xafra, snakelike anger bubbling up to tint her words. "And... I'm certain you mean that in a budding term of endearment and nothing more, mother of my child. Elevar may have surrendered herself to you within these jungles, but I will not be claimed like some pitiable broken Doll. My compromises were made as equals to the Half-Knit at your side, not you."
Lynette... I warn. Like another might place a hand on the shoulder. Not jerking her free of my lips for fear that will just exasperate this, but... keeping close.
"No. I do not claim your agency unless and until you wish to offer it without duress, but your actions are my responsibility. Your sins are my sins, your crimes are my crimes. Nothing less is acceptable for the mother of my child. If necessary, I will kill for you without hesitation. This is..." She pauses, turning to face the Estate and tilting her head. "Ah. Calix tells me that this is what is known as an ethnographic difference and should not be treated as a statement of ownership. " She turns back with a relieved smile.
A snap, and the anger evaporates like smoke from Lynette. "Ah. Wonderfully odd, but acceptable. Important to be clear about such things." She turns to face the jungles again. Standing silent for a few moments, not surrendering control but... enjoying the smell of the regrown jungles as we wait for Xafra's Gerls to return.
And then she pulls back and I'm at the forefront. Sighing, "Sorry I... sorry. For her, and not telling you about the Blitzköder... and Fleischbrecher. I can't cast them anymore but... like this Estate I should have told you about them. The Einwandfrei I made and used far too often in my years as Floret."
Xafra looks at me in surprise. "Is three different Einwandfrei typical?"
I shake my head. "Plenty of us study quite a few but... to actually weave them? Especially the amount of times I did? No. Not for a Witch who wants to live very long. But... I couldn't just be a Yselda's wretched Floret, especially once the Groves discovered me to be Half-Knit. Examples had to be made of those that would think to question or refute my abilities and... I wanted to make sure those who thought to test me wouldn't be ready for the thing I wrapped them in. And It's four now. In total. The bond between us and the studies of the Garrote that birthed it would count."
"Okay. I truly do need to cut this at the root, pun intended. Half-knit. What exactly does it mean to both of you?"
Sighing I… consider that. “Apologies, that wasn’t meant to be anything but… well… a statement of fact that time. I’m not ashamed of what I am. Even without half my Ousia I was still twice the Witch more than most. So… Why hide it? Why not take pride in it? Why not let… let it act as a reminder to how much more things will cost me when I’m acting stupid? The old cunt was horrid and wrong about a lot of things but… not this. And returning to the Groves, even re-woven like I was always reminded me of that. And It wasn’t practical to kill everyone who threw it in my face. So I became accustomed to the insult. Claimed it even. It’s mine, and they can’t hurt me with it so long as I keep it close.”
"Mmm. And does Lynette feel the same?"
"More or less." I shrug and nod, kneeling down to pick up the broken talon piece of Xafra's gorgeous new frame. Begin to weave a small amount of Physis in an attempt to re-knit it back. "It's... a touch more complicated now that we can call each other that but... not enough for us to think it needs changing."
She nods and waves to the Dolls as they return laden with bags of plant clippings. "Then I won't complain anymore about it." Xafra sighs heavily. "It feels hollow, just saying words now when I've become so accustomed to expressing my feelings through the bond at the same time. Take the time you need, you know. It's hard though. Felt it was important to be honest about it."
Moving to stand I look back toward the Spires behind us. "It does mean all the world to me that you care to ask about it. And... you're right. In at least one fashion. With the Dolls running about the Estate I should be more careful. Some of them might have been more like I am before coming here, and I owe it to them to refrain from careless words." Then I look back to her with an unavoidable smile as Primrose's babblings of excitement start to reach us. "But... let's see you fed, alright? Same pattern as before."