A Song of Soul (Witch)
Content Warnings:
Wribbles! Um.... Dysphoria. More soul links. Soul wounds. talk of past self-harm, child abuse, mind magic, delusions, death of crafted headmate, torture, and.... woops!
I’ve never been good at being alone. Never liked the things that bubble up when I’m left to my own nonsense.
Thought that would change when Lynette first wove herself about my shoulders and cooed happily at the little treasure I held close. Radiating delight for the little work of Art in my care and asking if I’d like her help caring for the gerl.
Not that I deserve any peace but… I’ve always been cursed with a desire for things I was not owed. And when I catch the hypothetical and literal animal of the thing I’ve been chasing?
Well…
Lynette is still here, of course, but I could probably scream my lungs out and she’d not even deign to notice my distress. Because she’s hooked her prey, lashed it to her Estate, and is slowly pulling the thing in. Her manic and delight and focus are all upon her tasks.
And… This is a good spot. For me. Sitting on the ground level of Xafra’s Estate. Well away from the real work of today. Letting the Re-Knitting she’s doing with Adaline on her form dribble down the bond. Nothing too specific, as I’d insisted she keep that one's privacy, but… Enough to let me know that it is all going well. Even shared a mental impression of Adaline’s delight as seeing Primrose standing with some stuffed animals. Her real excitement at this seems to smother the fear and Dysphoric pains.
She’ll be okay. My Xafra, my Näherin, is seeing to her.
And... Something about that hurts, oddly? Then my shoulder itches again as Lynette’s workings spill into me.
Brace, strangle the tether, focus on the Euphoria Adaline is getting. Use it as you’d clutch a rope between as a Summer Storm hits.
Takes me… Thirty seconds this time. To feel it safe to inhabit my body again without dissolving into a mess for all to see.
Deep breath, stupid Half-Knit, it wasn’t her. Lynette’s words were just… spoken like you did before the Garrote. Mimicking the Old Cunt was a delight to you so of course in those final moments of victory she’d forget herself. And Adaline’s not hurt due to you letting that messy bitch have free reign of Verbess’ half of the Dream.
And for the next hour I focus on keeping calm. Letting the sensations pass. Waiting to gift Adaline all the support that I so desperately want to give her. Especially after throwing herself into that messy Dream with nothing but delight.
Adaline leads the way down the stairs thrumming her Quills in excitement as she stops before me, bouncing up and down. "Elevar, can I hug you please?" She looks identical to how she did in the Dream, eyes, tusks, and Quills all as I remember.
I don't even need to fake my smile at her glee. Sweeping this wonderful girl up in a hug and giggling at her wonderfully woven song that dances through the Spire.
"Your form is such a delight!" I reply as I pull back. Looking her up and down and even stepping to the side to spot the Quills. "How is it? Better than in the Dream I hope?"
"Thank you, thank you, thank you! It feels right, and like I'm no longer offset from reality. And!" She buzzes her Quills fiercely as she twirls like a gerl showing off her first dress. "They work, they're real and I'm allowed to have them."
"Your songs seem perfectly Tuned, to my Quilless perceptions." I nod, then turn to smirk at my Xafra. "Well done, truly."
"Thank you, it was a worthwhile effort." Xafra turns to look at Warden carefully piloting their shared Frame down the stairs while Verbess, Schatzi, and Krahe all messily wobble in front of it, their ethereal Physis bodies colliding instead of overlapping.
"It's... Important, that you know you are... Not responsible for Krahe if you don't wish to be. I remember your words and have no desire to pressure you to change them. But also, she is Pack, and the Pack is yours." My weapon murmurs.
I Cant ::Gratitude/Love/Discord:: while moving up to regard the gaggle as I intone privately to Xafra. {This messy gerl is mine too. My responsibility. Not when the alternatives are just more pain and heartbreak easily avoided for those I love. It... Lynette insisted. Pointedly. It has to be us. Me or her. This gerl poses such a risk to everything and has to be leashed. But... I'd rather it be me in title alone and you in Harmony.}
"Krahe, is this a name you'd like to keep? Best to not mantle you with a thing you don't want before we make any big decisions."
"I... Yeah. It... It feels right. Which is nice. Didn't ever find one that fit like this before." She nods and smirks, both her hands within Verbess and Schatzi's' as she looks between me and Xafra.
"That's wonderful, You deserve it. But… Now to apologize. Lynette was being unkind, but her goals leak from both our responsibilities here." I begin. "I won't let my Gerls lose another sister, and she can't let you leave. At least not without a Frame and sufficient assurances that you won't be forced to endanger this Estate's Function. Which being Harmonized with the Pack is the best and option for both. Because they are mine. So... Do you accept me as your Mistress, Xafra as your Pack lead, and all others chosen as your Pack Sisters?"
Krahe's already nodding before I even finish. "Sure, yeah, Not really following the first bits but... Being a part of the Pack is kinda the best thing that ever happened. The Frame this one got was just... Extra scales to the side. And to ALSO get my Little Birds back in a way that won't hurt them? Yes. Without hesitation. This one thought It was just some echo or... Or worse. Fighting Nightmares kinda skewed its view on things."
"Perfect. And... Thank you for trying to keep Verbess safe, and helping calm it." I smile softly as relief nearly knocks me over, then look to Xafra. "At your leisure then."
I don’t need to claim Krahe, because she’s already partially mine. Probably due to her sprouting from Verbess’ Core. But Xafra does unwind and re-knit things within all of them. Which goes exactly like it felt when she shared the process through the bond/ But… I do spot a ragged tear in Xafra’s soul core, like some creature took a bite of her. And… such a large wound would be lethal if not for the sheer density and size of her core!
As I watch, the Pack starts an inaudible song and Schatzi, then Verbess, then Warden, are all partially unwoven from within and without the Frame, a precise sliver of their core removed, the edges rejoined, and woven back together, with each piece being stitched into to Krahe's much smaller one that... Just so happens to be the exact size of the wound in Xafra's core.
As my emotions spike in understanding of what she gave this gerl, Xafra opens her eyes to stare at me while she works, silently asking me to keep it between us.
I nod and slide closer, looping and entwining fingers through her in silent worry and thanks and support and… And apology.
[I will heal. Didn't have time to do it neatly, and with Nightmares invading, didn't want to risk being vulnerable by letting down all my defenses to do it properly.] She sends to me privately, while smiling at the others.
{I understand. Good work. I… I’m so very proud of you, My Xafra.}
"Okay, So. Krahe, you're fully stabilized now, and if you wish, your Mistress and I, and even Verbess who has shown great skill at carving, can make you your own Frame, since you currently exist in tandem between my form and your other Sisters. That goes for you as well, Warden, if you desire?"
Krahe pulses with surprise and excitement. "Bitch tits, really? I... Alright. Yeah. That... Okay. Thought I'd just keep watching the Dreamside of things and never... But yeah. That... Thanks!"
Everything seems so quiet as Krahe's words trail off. Like... like the space between a heartbeat you're unsure is rising up. And before the next thrum a single motion stands out above any others. Verbess' Physis manifestation, carefully yet with questionless intentionality, reaches back with its free hand to take up Warden's.
Effortlessly and without any sign of Discord or Division supporting its sister in whatever it chooses.
Warden looks around nervously, something difficult on the expressionless face "Warden would... Like to be an object? Jewelry or a Tool carried by Primary User." it states with anxiety.
"Of course." I reply without hesitation. "I'd love to keep you close, if you'd prefer that. Did you have a shape in mind? I've always considered you all my treasures but... I'd rather not impose a Frame or purpose without your assessment."
"Proposal: Warden obtains a belt knife Frame to provide Utility to Primary User and maintain Good Function." From its posture and the way it steps behind Verbess, it's suddenly clear to me that it is more worried about Xafra's reaction than my own.
Xafra in turn looks contemplative, Quills motionless. She nods and attempts to speak but no words come out, then...
"Okay, So. Krahe, you're fully stabilized now, and if you wish, your Mistress and I, and even Verbess who has shown great skill at carving, can make you your own Frame, since you currently exist in tandem between my form and your other Sisters. That goes for you as well, Warden, if you desire?"
"Mistress!" Adaline says with concern as her Quills thrum in distress, "You just said that less than a minute ago."
"No? I literally just opened the connection a heartbeat ago. Are you doing alright?" My Xafra replies.
I flinch, then hold a finger up to Adaline. "One moment... Please."
{Krahe just agreed, and Warden told you its preference.} I intone gently. {Do... Do you not remember? Is the wounded tissue of your soul causing memory issues or... Or does the Garrote come with limits on Frames you may weave?}
[What? I... No? Why don't I remember? Dolls didn't exist yet, so there can't be restrictions on my resheathing of them. It doesn't make sense.] She responds with worry.
I nod carefully. "Krahe, I'm guessing your shape within the Dream was your preference?"
"Y- yeah? Please?" She nods, confused but… willing to answer without questioning this mess. "Or as close as you can get. And... And a little shiftable like my Little Birds' Frame is, if you can."
"Of course..." Then I turn to Warden with a smile. "And there may be some... Limits, on what we can make for you, dear one. But Xafra seems to find herself at the edges of her abilities on your request. But, we'll see it done. We know it's possible, but... Be patient with your Pack Lead. She's going to adore it when she's able to plan out and shape it."
I turn back to carefully observe Xafra's core, watching for any Dysfunction within but... No. This scooping of memory was deft, precise, and done with subtle intentionality.
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{Warden's request was something that might brush up too close to a thing I know your Garrote forbids.} I intone to Xafra. {We... I'm sorry. I've been using your notes on the Doll's freeing to work up some solutions but... but I'm going to need your help in filling the gaps between our times’ Garroting techniques.}
[I don't understand. There's no... Sin or Crime that could be considered here...] She shudders and her Quills vibrate in tune to Adaline's distress.
"Mistress... Perhaps we should... prepare for the Celebration of Life for Caravel?" Adaline says, trying to change the subject.
Then Lynette turns her gaze to my Xafra, and goes still.
Such an odd sensation follows as... something is gifted to Xafra. Dropped through her Driftdream like some storm at Summer's start. Part of the wretched carcass of the Nightmare she just slew, I think?
With a rapid motion, Xafra consumes it and seals the edges of the much smaller injury that remains.
"Yes. I... I think that's a wonderful Idea." I agree with Adaline while Canting ::Peace/Safety/Distraction/Care:: to Xafra.
Schatzi looks to Verbess then she and Verbess dissolve their forms back into the Frame, with Verbess surfacing.
"That's... still such an odd trick." Krahe murmurs. "Am... Should I..." Then her form dissolves and I feel this gerl radiate between the Frame and Xafra in an odd refracting pattern, then settle close to Schatzi in what I can only think to be a mix between a mental hug and a snuggle. Titters of guilt boiling alongside such love for her softest 'Little Bird'.
"Sister..." Verbess murmurs and seems to flex and crack different parts of itself before settling a look on Xafra. Then Quills pulse a song, one of
Xafra returns the
As the song settles, Verbess' eyes drift to Adaline's form. Quills twitching in curious regard. Both for the small and subtle song tittering about her, and the Quills about her form. I worry for a moment it will find her Quills annoying, like it has others that bore much clumsier tools about the Groves but...
"I... Am I... Allowed?" Adaline responds, stilling her Quills in both apprehension and understanding. "I... Don't want to presume, and was told I'd need your permission, and that of Krahe to be part of the Pack, and I… Um… Worried about causing offense."
Verbess tilts its head and Quills, Tuning itself to the other members of the Pack in a simple question.
Krahe seems to thrum closer to Schatzi. [They never asked us Pack Sisters before, we just... Always made it work. Made space for the new Sisters. But if put to the question this one was ready to fight and talk for us even without being Pack. Sure. Tune her. Specially since she a... Didn't need to be made like we were. I like our Pack Lead's Resheathing better than the old way.]
[Adaline is good and helpful and um... Yes.] Schatzi sends.
Verbess shivers, Discord and worry and tittering messy regard filling it at being specifically asked to choose but… Its Sisters' little melodies and thrums of support help it settle. Think through the question.
“Why?” It eventually thrums to Adaline in words and Quills. Not… not in refuting her desires but… curious. Careful. And it sings her a gentle song of little horrors that Xafra does her best to translate over the bond to me.
[Every single member of the Pack before Xafra, was taken and remade. Wills and minds and hearts and bodies and everything brutally broken to serve and hunt and not fall into Dysfunction as the Pack’s Chorus kept everyone aligned. Only balanced by the delight of Harmonization and the weaving of messy love it lets them share between the pain of their Function. Many were not given a choice, and none were allowed to change that choice when they realized what their remaking would entail.]
[It… does not want her to be smothered or overwhelmed or considered lesser due to her lack of this bonding pain, but nor does it think that pain is necessary or good. It simply… Wants to know what void she thinks Harmonization with a Pack will fill? It does not want to see a possible Sister left in silence, but… nor does it want to see any other broken to fit into place. It… it thinks that Differences of Function should be encouraged and considered among the Pack Sisters… Schatzi has proven and shown that to be Good Function. But... Harmonization comes with the weight of all the Sisters behind it. Many lost themselves within the Chorus rather than endure Discord to find their unique songs... It does not want to see Pack Lead Xafra's and Mistress Elevar's Special Doll be hurt by this.]
Adaline sings with her Quills in response, picking up the ability significantly faster than Xafra did, a song that mirrors at first but shifts to something more hopeful that Xafra translates for me as well, and it is rougher, like when I was first learning how to use the bond.
[Flashing, jittery scenes: A distant mother and abusive father. Being bullied and ostracized at Thorn Grove, having to primarily teach herself aside from the public classes because no Matron or Witch would take her as a Floret. Learning that she was sick, Learning that what was killing her had killed so many others, including some of her childhood friends. Bringing her findings to some of the mundane Curanos she knew and learning that most of them vanished afterwards. Meeting Yselda and Falling in love with Elevar. Being broken into an obedient Doll without realizing what was going to happen, Having the Garrote half-removed.
Different images, explaining how Yselda made the Garrote in two parts, additive and subtractive, the reason why if the gaps aren't filled, it acts as torture.
More scenes: Wandering through the Spire alone after Elevar left. Digging into her hands with ink quills trying to force herself to write the letter. Finding a sound she could make, oddly rasping and low that let her nudge her mind. Using that nudge to mentally cut away a part of her mind, leaving it barely attached. Deluding herself that this isolated part was her Mistress so she could Function. Creating the pain room. Learning that Caravel died because of her. Using Yselda's bones to make an effigy that allowed the sound to work better, to make the delusion real. Xafra obliterating that part of her mind when she filled in the gaps. The terror when Xafra used the bond to talk to her. The silence that lingered after Xafra used the Warlord Voice on Snek Doll and the sound in Adaline reacted.
Now concepts: The Pack fitting in the vacancy in her mind. Her teaching the Pack how to spellweave Ousia and Physis. Guarding and taking care of Elevar without being at risk from her. Being closer to Xafra and Verbess. Hunting down any who threaten the Pack and their family.]
I’m stiff by the end. Unable to move or do anything more than absorb this. To… to witness this sharing of self that I have no right to know. All of Adaline's hopes and Dreams and pain and trauma just... laid bare and raw and...
It HURTS, like it really really shouldn't.
Lynette’s… saying things. Things I can’t care about as I grip the tether tight to keep her nonsense and whatever’s going on inside my head from ruining this from distracting them. It works, thank the Old Dead Hag, and everyone is too enraptured by Adaline's working to notice me as I take careful steps backways. Then the song is fading, and Verbess is approaching Adaline. Cracking to its full height to loom over. Leaning so far as to peer curiously at the gerl’s new Quills. Thrumming a gentle song of
A pause, and in the space between a heartbeat, a breath, and all thoughts…
“Her Quills are perfect,” Verbess cackles, then twists about to stare at Xafra. “But her Tune will not match until she Harmonizes.”
Xafra nods and smiles at Adaline, "Ready?"
Adaline's eyes grow even wider as she darts forward to hug Xafra tightly. "Yes!"
Like I saw through Xafra's eyes when she did with Verbess, Adaline’s core is gently unwoven and held in place, but then... Schatzi's, Warden's, and Krahe's cores are as well as Xafra's, and a section of each is woven through each other, changing the Pack structure from what looked like a chain of sorts to a full interconnection.
Xafra steps back and softly kisses Adaline on the forehead, "There. My dear Pack, we can celebrate our sisters, both new and renewed later. Right now, I need to check in with Zelma and Selene."
Adaline beams, holding tight to Xafra's hand, "Gonna come with. Adjust to new wonders while we prepare."
"Verbess, a... A moment? If you would?" I manage to force out through my lips after Xafra and Adaline step out.
Verbess clicks, and moves to settle beside me as I move to sit back on the couch I rested on while Adaline was re-knit.
"You... saw it? Right? Xafra repeating herself?" I murmur.
"This one did, Mistress." It replies.
"Keep the next few words between us, if you will. I'd... rather not risk more episodes." I glance at it. "Even with the Bond and Pack links you can do that correct?"
"This one can, and will avoid sharing thoughts on the subject unless Pack Lead insists or Mistress asks."
"Good. I... What did you see? I only caught a flicker of something, but nothing I could examine at the speed it worked."
"A Garrote, Mistress. But... not like yours or any the Old Teacher wove. Deft, but simple. Woven beneath, this one thinks. Hidden and always striking at memory and Function before hiding again." It thrums. "Old. But not Rusting like all things must do."
"My main worry about trying to simply remove it with my Blasenplage is that it will leave her in a state like Adaline was, so... I need the Packs aid in this. Even with bond and Ousia sight I can barely catch a glimmer of it, and while she could shift to show me the weave of it... I think that's a trap. She insists this doesn't touch her Driftdream but... that seems impossible. Garrotes have to tug and snip at one's Dreams when woven well." I tip-tap my side for a moment to gather up the shape of a plan. "Catalog anything and everything. Perhaps... this would be a prey well suited for you and Warden to hunt together? Our Brilliant Knife has experience in directives and the boundaries laid within, and could probably outline and define this well while Schatzi and Krahe front during the celebrations? What do my gerls think of this scheme?"
[Warden is happy to assist.] It answers without hesitation, and others thrum in accordance to the tasks.
"Thank you, dear ones. Watch you Pack Lead well, and keep her safe." I rise. "And... Verbess? About this... entire affair. With the Driftdream and all..."
It goes still, tenses. Quills about to sing such a song of pain and sorrow and apology. "This... this one is so–"
"No." I interrupt gently, stepping in front to hold my hand out beneath its jaw. "You made a good choice. The failure there was mine. I should have introduced you all the second everyone was safe. But in future... communicate your fears and pain with me before running off. Please? You've gathered up such wonderful Sisters that you all needed, helped Adaline feel and see the form she always Dreamed up but was probably unsure about asking for."
Verbess leans forward to happily envelope my hand and chew gently with the unfanged back of its jaw. Quills thrumming its wordless agreement and relief.
"You're all such good gerls, and I'm very proud of all of you." I murmur softly while pulling its head to nuzzle into my chest.
We stand there for a while, Verbess gnashing at my hand while singing a calming melody of family and safety and hope and so much more...
And this hurts too. More than it should.
"Alright, go join your sisters." I prompt eventually. "Help in any way they ask or need, and keep close regard on Xafra."
And after they head off, I return to my Spire, head up into my study and slump into a chair.
"Well enough..." I reply. A pause passes before I dredge up the courage to ask. "What did you mean, precisely, when you said we weren't asking the right questions?"
I sigh, "Please, Lynette, I surrender to you in this battle of wit and cede you the mantle of the most Brilliant Gerl in this room. Just... tell me what you saw or discovered or... or whatever?"
She seems to nod like the gracious victory she feels and says through my lips. "Simply... That I think Xafra is wrong about a great many things. Speaking in regards to herself, that is."
"Oh?" I perk up a bit.
She giggles. "She struts about like a Half-Knit, if you'll take that in the good spirit I use the term."
I sigh, "Of course she does, she's literally made up of gerls like us."
"Was she?" Lynette purrs. "And... How does she know this? Is it... Perchance... From the memories she started with? Of the gerls? Come now Elevar, that's ridiculous! If forty odd poor sots could be melted down into anything useful by ancient fools that couldn't even keep their creation leashed with a good Garrote then everyone would replicate the process!"
I pause at that. "Then... What are you getting at? And why does this matter?"
"Come now, be clever and take a guess. I know I've been at it all day but I honestly do want your thoughts before blurting some out myself!"
Thinking for a bit, a few worrisome answers titter up. And Lynette is giggling all the while. "See? I knew you'd stumble onto more interesting answers when gently nudged."
"This'll change how we approach the Garrote." I whisper.
"Mhm. Won't want to unweave something important." Lynette agrees.
"And how we care for and raise Sikkina."
"We?"
"Yes, stupid... Gerl." I edit with a sigh. "I won't claim to be her mother, but... I mean to give her anything she needs."
She giggles at that. "You are just... Such a mess. I delight in you."
I wince and look outside, considering for a long time before whispering. "We... should start with the Garrote about you. Let her see about unweaving it for us."
Lynette goes still, honest surprise tittering through us. "I... Truly. You mean it?"
"It only makes sense. It's more kin to her Garrote than anything else, and if she keeps good notes then we can adapt and replicate the process."
“Agreed. And… Lynette?”
A tense pause.
“I… I hope this means that you can learn to trust me. Not just… Just in a way that we were both taught to trust but… But in a way that sometimes makes us feel stupid. Like how you trust Xafra, sometimes, when you want to see her work little miracles.” I whisper. “I know I’m a broken mess but… I’m trying. Truly, to make things better for them. And… And for you, even.”
I sigh and slump a bit. “It’s… I’m… I’m not… Lynette, this isn’t me pleading or surrendering. This is me choosing to feel stupid if it means showing you trust. You will have all manner of chances to be petty and cruel and… and indulgent after the bonds are unwoven. I’m choosing to trust not that you’ll avoid doing those things, but that when you see what they lead to you’ll change. Soften. Realize that… that the moment of bliss we get isn’t worth the pain that follows.”
She hums for a moment before murmuring.
I nod and take up the needle and focus on the Glyphed gemstones. “Right. Best I can get from you, I suspect. Let’s… let’s get back to it then.”