Evenings are for Mourning (Blade)
Content Warnings:
Talk of death. Celebration of life. Mourning the lost. Light talks of past abuse.
We make our way slowly to Shelf Spire Drei where Selene and Zelma have a room, chuckling softly at Adaline's endless wonder with the Pack and her access to my energies.
She mumbles pleased sounds while manipulating a small dust cloud in front of herself with the Physis, making simple shapes and having them orbit each other.
"Is there something special about the dust?" I ask curiously.
Adaline shakes her head, "No, it's something this one used to do to train fine control, and calm emotions. This one would feel disrespectful to arrive while giggling happily when the event is quite sad."
"Training techniques sound useful. I mostly had to do things as I went and deal with the consequences. And you're right, somewhat, we will be celebrating Caravel afterall. It is important to not only dwell on the bad."
She nods. "This one is... Worried still. Guilty. Pack helps though. It gives perspective?"
She thrums a
[Witchling, Were you not interested in coming to the celebration of life?] I intone to her as we wait for Verbess to reach us.
{Hm? Oh... No. I... Today was quite the mess and I find myself quite behind on what feels like an Eternity of other projects.} She replies after three heartbeats.
[Oh. Alright then. I'll see you later?] I respond, feeling hurried and short on time myself as Verbess brackets Adaline on her other side.
{Of course, I'll be up and about most of the night, I will probably be in and out of your library even.} She replies, and I can't help but feel a touch of anxiety in her settle at my words. {Feel free to keep your Sisters as close as you'd like, alright? First Harmonics are special and sleeping with a bundle of other Quills thrumming close will probably do wonders for you all.}
[Thank you, Elevar.] I respond quickly.
"Okay, my dearests, please remember that we are there to celebrate the life of one who has passed and... honestly I don't know how to do that. not in any sort of formal way." I admit to my Pack.
"It's okay, this is going to be a learning experience for us all. we're going to make new traditions today. And... This one is planning on talking to Valthirii about having a room in the library Spire as a memorial, where we can have information on those that are gone." Adaline responds.
I brush my mind gently across those of my Pack, thrumming a quiet song of calm. "Shall we?”
Verbess thrums in agreement and soon we’re entering Shelf Spire Drei, Schatzi taking front as I feel Verbess and Warden begin a subtle process of
"Shall I reach out to them, Sisters?" Schatzi asks, thrumming through her horns with a renewed sense of calm herself.
"Please." Adaline answers, taking her hand as well.
The two Dolls, Zelma and Selene, soon are coming down the steps to meet us in the main floor chamber.
"So, these ones um..." Zelma starts.
"Not this one. She." Selene interjects, nudging its Pinnate.
"Okay, this one, had some... Ideas." Zelma corrects then continues. "With help thinking through them from Selene."
Selene's wings flutter but it doesn't interrupt. Simply squeezes its Pinnate's hand as Zelma’s tail winds about its waist.
"So we want this to celebrate Caravel. And the others. But... this one doesn't know much about the others and doesn't want to presume who does, or push anyone into sharing what they'd rather not." Zelma starts up in a rush of words. "So... We had this idea of little journals. Books for each of the ones g- gone. A place to share stories and... and messages. Things these ones might have wanted to share but didn't or couldn't or... or..."
The little Scholar Dolls trails off, looking between myself and Adaline in trepidation.
"We can also ask Primrose to do artwork of their faces in the future." Selene adds. "She seems to have a really good memory and with help could probably do that for most of them. Help these ones all remember who is which, since... since names were not a part of these ones' Good Function before.”
"This is wonderful! I was thinking of something very similar. Primrose and Nettle should be heading over soon, as well as a number of the others." Adaline responds, moving forward to offer the two a hug. They embrace her, fully and completely with wings and limbs and wings.
I nod in agreement while reaching out to Nettle, [Dear, I have an uncomfortable question, if that's alright.]
[Of course Mistress, How may this one help?] Nettle responds immediately.
[Where... are Caravel's remains?] I ask with trepidation, having not yet seen anything resembling a graveyard or mausoleum since I arrived here weeks ago.
[I... Th- this one... She... But...] Nettle sputters over the bond, seeming to boil with such a mess of emotions, then settling. [Apologies Mistress. Her... her before remains would have been deposited in the flesh and bone pits like all the corpses from before Installation. As... as for the Frame... This one isn't sure. She disappeared below and it is assumed the Estate dismantled it after p- punishing her.]
[No, no, I'm sorry, that was insensitive of me. I simply wanted to make sure if her Frame was available, that it was being treated with respect.] I answer rapidly.
[No... No Mistress. It... It is very kind of you to ask. This one is glad you did.] She responds, settling even more. [Please continue to ask this one uncomfortable questions over softer Frames like Prim or... or even Connivant Adaline. This one is not sure what respect Frames are... are due? But is happy to consider new things for Mistress. Old memories will not interrupt this Frame's Function the more it faces them.]
[I am, as you know, not yet used to the concept or nature of frames, but I feel that, as a weapon myself, the Frames of the lost should be preserved, kept in a place of honor, or with permission of the lost, integrated into new members of our kin so they may remain in Good Function long after they have fallen.] I explain.
Nettle goes quiet for a while, murmuring back only as her and Primrose arrive, and my first Doll is running to titter nervously a few feet from us with a basket of oddly colorful paper scraps while Nettle hangs back with a contemplative expression. [This one is conflicted. The Old Mistress reused Frame parts, especially the deeper bits. The skeleton and internal workings. But... it was so that new ones didn't need to be made. Only... adjusted. And it wasn't to preserve us. Or remember. It was because it was more efficient than making more. It... This one thinks Mistress’ idea is good, of course, but struggles at the idea of pieces of my... of this one's Pinnate no longer Functioning.]
This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.
As Adaline turns to notice the two, Primrose hops forward with her basket. "SO! So so so so, This one is bad with name things and other word things so it wanted to just... stick people with paper bits to help it and others remember so that we don't have to worry about being worded wrong. It feels bad that it met basically all of the Shelf when Mistress helped and claimed them, and... and heard their words and doesn't really have an excuse but others do and so It will help them and sneakily help itself.”
I step forward and take one of the paper bits, quickly putting my name on it and attaching it to my tunic with a pin.
"Xafra, I think out of anyone here, you're the one everyone knows the name of..." Adaline giggles.
Primrose bubbles up with very not contained surprise and glee and delight as I finish. Grinning and unable to stop herself from stepping over to hug me. Mumbling little nothing words of thanks and love.
I hold Primrose close and kiss her head as I respond to Adaline, "Certainly, but it's important to lead by example, right?”
The others all grab slips and write names as well, and I assist Krahe in making an ethereal form once more, this time with the name slip attached. We finish and more arrive, Scarabella, Mecia, Lys, Riana and Coqui arriving all around the same time.
We get them situated with the tags as well, and I take a moment to appreciate each of their Frames. Mecia is the smallest by far if you discount zir four long spindly legs that raise zem to near my own height. Coqui seems designed after a creature I don't recognize, his skin two-toned and moist while their pupils like horizontal seeds and her voice is audible from a great distance. Lys is a smidge bigger, its design based on an avian with quite large eyes that reflect the light. Scarabella seems in contrast most designed in a familiar manner, its four armed muscular form only missing the Quill crown to be mistaken as a Warlord. How many of those even exist anymore
And Riana... I hide my discomfort well enough, I think, her Frame like something between a Sun-blessed and the Estate itself, soft white green bark for skin, long leaves for hair, and roots composing her lower pair of arms as well as her legs.
"Thank you all for coming." Adaline says, ushering the dolls further into the main room of the Spire. "Mistress Xafra, we're still waiting on Mélusine, Shelkie, Valthirii, Hyssop, and Garami. Hyacinth, Strychnine, Augusta, Alpina, and the rest aren't feeling up for coming. Would you be willing to wait for them and this one will get things set and comfortable in the meantime?”
I nod my assent and let her go ahead as the rest of the Pack waits with me, minor Division gently buzzing through the song as they feel torn between remaining to assess me and staying with Adaline to bolster her.
[So... This one got a bunch of basic stuff from its Little Birds about things. But not everything.] Krahe intones to me. [And... These Dolls are weird, right? Like we were made to fight and stuff and took really monstrous shapes to do it well but everyone here seems... odd. Schatzi called most of them Art Dolls but... not all? This one doesn't get what that is. And what does a Scholar Doll do? Or... well It means a Labor Doll makes sense. Get sturdy Frames to lift stone and heavy stuff. But... Verbess says they don't do stone structures anymore? So... And you were about before we got our Frames, so... this is or was weird to you too. Right?]
[Quite strange. The Art dolls are both considered to be art themself and are designed to make art. Scholars are designed to excel in research, trading physical durability for enhancements to their mental processing and knowledge retention. There are Combat Frames still, but apparently they are restricted and considered controversial... The whole system needs to be overturned.] I respond with amusement.
Krahe goes quiet for a while, the Discord lessening as she boils with a bit of annoyance alongside her own amusement. [This one got why they did what they did to us. Maybe this one wouldn't if they didn't break our minds a bit but... Like... You hating this too makes this one feel more steady, Pack Lead. Mulching us to save our city was horrible but... but it made sense. These Dolls don't... like... they seem kinda... well Functionless is the wrong word but... Well sure, people don't get butchered during Installation which is good to know but... It seems kinda wasteful. All these cuties getting broken for... what? This one struggles to understand this stuff about the past keeper of this Estate and why she kept so many. Schatzi says she fancied herself an Artist but... with Dolls? But also Body changing things? Why turn people into Dolls if all they needed was a different body? That magic was like... really rare before, but here is this Matron of the craft instead turning people into packless Frames? What's the point in that?]
[Control. Dolls are treated as simply property. From what Elevar said, Resheathing doesn't exist anymore, and my belief is that it's so they can make those individuals into Dolls to be owned, used, and abused at their leisure.] I answer, allowing my disgust to slide through the connection.
"WHAT." Krahe hisses so furiously that the word sparks through Schatzi's lips and horns to echo through bond and Quill and chamber. Then she quiets and nuzzles back into Schatzi's mind. [Sorry. Sorry. That... This one is still getting used to not having Frames for each of us. This one just... that's... it just... This one hates that. Sorry. This one is glad to share good anger at that with you, Pack Lead. Thank you. They... Most of the Dolls here seem soft and fragile. Not like our Pack was, or is. Easier to break. It... it is glad to find Good Function in protecting these cuties from cruel sorts who would hurt them.]
[Our plans are currently to take over the local Groves, Witch communes, and claim and free all the Dolls that are present. None of our kin will remain in bondage that they do not desire.] I share.
[Heh. Ehehehe...] Krahe giggles almost painfully, Discord rippling through it at the idea of working against those it considers descendants to past Mistress' and Masters for Kin it did not expect to adopt and cherish upon reforming within Verbess' Dream. Old base commands cracking away at what I see to be a Pack Lead's intent and desires. [This one will, very much, enjoy following our Pack Lead into that Function.]
[Goooood.] I intone violent delight as the last group approaches us. "Valthirii, Adaline has a request for you, if you'd talk with her once you're inside. Garami, it's good to see you. Hyssop, please behave yourself, yes? Mélusine, Shelkie, I believe it would be appreciated if you'd check in with Primrose, she's got some good plans for organizing more remembrances.”
Krahe, Schatzi and I walk in after getting them all set, finding Primrose happily leading Riana and Hyssop through a group attempt to make images of Caravel from their own memories, crafting little cameo tokens of her for everyone to keep, with each one drastically different, some brimming with detail and others more stylized. Primrose herself seems to intentionally make hers colorful and dripping with little emotional interpretations of Caravel and a few others, even at the expense of a perfect recall and depictions. A method that seems to be encouraging the idea that they should capture the good emotions the lost filled them with.
Selene and Zelma are explaining and working on their journal idea to Adaline and Valthirii, with Mélusine at rapt attention, drawing out remembrance shelf concepts as Shelkie softly plays a grand Harp nearby.
Selene explains that the journals should act as a record of sorts but... also a place to express an almost story-like memory of those lost. Things that could be read and experienced later, even by those that never met then, with joy.
I watch and mingle, not participating directly but being present for a soothing touch or reassuring word as needed. After a while, the groups intermingle, the writers adding little quotes and messages to the cameos and the artists putting small drawings and doodles into the journal for Caravel.
Watching it, I can't help but feel refreshed, inspired and… safe, because above all there is this focus on not letting the pain fester instead almost a cultivation of happiness at the chance to get to know those lost. Treasuring that time and refusing to let their end be the last this world can recall them.
"Mistress?" Nettle whispers softly during a pause between things. Seeming to always stand close as others go about planning this evening.
"Yes, Nettle?" I whisper back, stepping us over to an alcove.
"This one was wondering, if it is okay to ask a question about you?" She murmurs. "About your past Mistress' or... or Masters? If you had those.”
"It's always okay to ask, my dear. I'll answer as much as I am able." I drop onto the loveseat, leaving space for her as I look out at the small section of this wonderful family I've found.
"Thank you Mistress." She settles close and considers for a few moments before speaking again. "You don't talk about them very often, and this one has only heard a few names, but... was curious if any were... were like you are? Or Witch Elevar tries to be now? Kind, this one means. Worth remembering? Or friends? Or people who treated you well and are gone now? I know Dolls weren't about but people still wanted to control others like Dolls are but... maybe? People whose stories you'd like to remember too?"
"Hmmm. That's a difficult question. Many were kind to others. Had friends and lovers and did their best for other... people. There were two that were... close to that. They were the only ones I was willing to add to my gestalt, and that means that they well, they live on as part of me. Of the rest, there's not much good to say about. The best of the others was Namtar, and he was... even-handed, and never abused me. I'm sorry, Nettle. I really appreciate the gesture, but no, none that are..."
I pause, recalling something that wasn't strange at the time but clearly now is out of place. My newest Geist dated a priest's daughter. A PRIEST. In... Iyesgarthe. Something to look into.
"None that are particularly worth recalling, without it feeling dishonest." I finish.
She nods, "That's... This one is actually glad to hear you be honest about them. It helps this Frame... sort things. Witchless Thoughts it otherwise has to ignore else fall into Bad Function. And this one is sorry that you endured... that. All of that. Bad Mistress and Masters." Such a deep sense of wrongness flitters through her at those last words, then settles as she murmurs. "It is glad you are here now. Bestest Mistress. Just like Primrose always has said. Ever since Connivant Adaline brought this one to your Spire. It struggled to accept then, but... is glad it was given the chance to see for itself." She leans over and lets her head rest on my shoulder and upper arm.
I adjust and let her get comfortable, reminiscing. "That was a rough few days, I won't deny. I'm glad it all worked out well though.”
"This one is too." She murmurs, then giggles. "This one... thinks Mistress needs to take five days to sleep. No problems. Tell Witch Elevar and Miss Lynette and everyone to either sleep too or stay very very quiet so you can rest well. Assign anyone you want to positions within a cuddle pile for you."
"That would be delightful honestly. I'm... not great with intimacy though, even casual intimacy is a challenge, because I'm always so aware of the imbalance, and well. My dearest sister Verbess has made it very clear that I am not to accept being treated poorly. Thus I'm more comfortable with accepting others' advances than even doing something as simple as assigning others for cuddling." I chuckle, sending assent to the Pack as well with a twitch of Quills.
"Imbalance? This one is..." Nettle pauses. Seems to think really hard about that. "This one knows Imbalance is bad between people when you all want intimacy, but... is struggling to feel why it is bad with Dolls. Not in thought but..." She taps her Frame's chest. "Here. Deep things tell this one it is a Doll's place to be used. And it wants that. Badly. Not... not just in the intimate ways. That's... not all Dolls want that, and that's a quirk of Good Function. But in ways that make it feel like it is helping. It is Good Function to help Mistress feel comfortable... hmm..." She pauses, thinks. "Asking. Yes. It is good for Mistress to feel comfortable asking for cuddles, and to remind Dolls that it is Good Function for them to be honest and refuse if they want. This one enjoys when Mistress wants a cuddle pile and assigns Nettle and Primrose to this task, but does not want her to feel that she should do so unless she wants that. And if asking is easier than assigning, then Mistress should ask.”
I sigh with relief. "Thank you, Nettle. That really does comfort me. It's important to me that none of you feel obliged to do anything you're uncomfortable with. I'll do my best to ask more, as long as it's clear that no is an acceptable answer.”
"Yes." She nods, and something seems to audibly click inside her, like some cog or gear just cracked free from a stuck turning. "No is also an answer that is Good Function, because Mistress wants her Dolls to be happy. Thank you Mistress.”
With a smile I stand back up and gently tug Nettle to her feet. "Shall we rejoin the others?”
"Mhm." She agrees, and follows me.
The celebration continues for a few hours, each of my darling Dolls all finding some way to add their own personal experiences and contribution so that by the time Adaline, our Packmates, and I leave the Spire, the rest are pulling together piles of blankets and pillows to rest in a large group.
We make our way back to my Spire, waving to Lynette's Doll on the way as she stares up at the sky, and curl up together in my bed, with myself and Verbess bracketing Adaline with our bodies and Quill song as we rest dreamlessly together.