A Gerl-shaped Home (Geist 13)
Content Warnings:
Talks within a Dreeeam! Talk of past death. Talk of a serieal killer being allowed near the kind of people she targeted. Talk of change and second changes. KISSING! Flirting!
It is an odd thing to regain existence. Once upon a time, I was a Compagnon smith, working towards mastery, a shop of my very own and a house separate from the gerls' home I spent half of my youth and the entirety of my adulthood in. Being ritually sacrificed to summon an Eldritch Horror sealed within the Moon puts a bit of a damper on the whole life plans thing, even when said Horror Terror turns out to be a newborn who's so traumatized by your death that she consumes your soul along with all the other sacrificed gerls to make a miners-bottle that is the closest thing to paradise any of you feel you could ever deserve. That paradise lasted for nearly a year and just as our host began to properly wake once more, we were washed away, pulled from ourselves to cessation. And yet... 'Ibu transit gloria mundi?' Not so rhetorical anymore. The floodwater receded and I exist once again, displaced through time from everywhere I've known, into a whole new world.
"Look on the plus side, Nadine. At least you've got all of us who went through it with you, so it's not like no one can relate." my gerlfriend Tiffany jokes at my internal brooding.
I smile at her and push her back against my anvil so I can kiss her deeply before breathly responding, "You know just what to say, don't you, my coquette?”
"Oh, using your big worbs to seduce me again?" She giggles and drapes arms over my shoulders while smugging back. "Of course I know what to say. Would've been a terrible teacher if I didn't."
"You could never be a terrible teacher. Too dedicated, honestly." I chuckle, a deep sound that nevertheless doesn't bother me in the slightest. "It's likely that you'll be quite busy in the days ahead now that we've skipped forward so many ages. Did you get Kira to agree to share her volumes with you in your role as librarian? A summary of the current state of Dämmerung would be quite favorable amongst the rest of us and likely give her some breathing room.”
"I asked, and she's still thinking about it." Tiffany shrugs. "Honestly, I think she's just enjoying all the attention of girls she doesn't have to worry about hurting her. Being a bandit jumping travelers on beaches far away from the major... eh... upside-down tree towns, or whatever, shows that Kira probably didn't find people she could trust.”
"That... makes a lot of sense. She's not like the majority of us, yeah? Can't really imagine what that must have been like, the good and the bad of growing up as a gerl from the start. I really hope she's not... despicable like Jezrial." I muse.
"She's not. And even if she was, there is little either would be able to do. Even... Well, even if a bitch tries to use the hiccups that happen when Miss Xafra is asked or thinks about her origins or past will only work once before someone gets in bad trouble." She reaches up to boop my nose with hers. "And Kira is an open book. The only thing she seems to try and hide is how much she really really doesn't want to be alone again. It'd be cute if she wasn't so familiar. Like... you know how Jess was a right bitch when she first came here? How you and another girl basically got into a fight with her before she stopped hiding behind the tough bitch act? How soft she became? Kira's like her, but just... never had the expectations of the wrong gender pushing her. I think. Unless she turns out to be our opposite buuut… I don't think that? Anyway, she got to feel right away how soft most of us are and settled quickly.”
I nod along but grimace at the end. "Softness is a privilege. A vile truth but a truth regardless of how I feel about it. And I'm glad that our host too is finally gaining that privilege. It's good to hear that Kira is unlikely to cause issues over gender. Some of the younger ones, relatively speaking, are still quite fragile and newer in their presentations. Jess can help with that of course. We... Need a governing body of some sort. A group to help organize and sort tasks and enrichment and set basic ground rules, especially if we are going to have both guests and more companion geists in the future.”
"I think need is a strong word. Buuut... I was always a benevolent tyrant in my classrooms and enjoyed the chaos just so long as the books and most people's bones weren't getting damaged." Tiffany shrugs. "But starting talks on it is a good idea. See what everyone's comfy with. Feelings have weight here, more than before. And if some are unhappy or feeling pushed it'll... I dunno. It could be a problem.”
"Speaking of problems, you should definitely restrict access to the Memorial Room that appeared in the Library. Seems like bad business to allow anyone to mess about with our host's core and Wisps. A meeting seems very wise though." I say, pulling us away from my anvil. "We should talk to some of the others right away to get things moving. Only Joy is coming through from the outside currently, so it's the best time to discuss and determine at the very least emergency procedures for what to do if things go sideways." With a quirk of my lips, I shake my head at Tiffany and put away the piece of armor I had begun crafting, before taking her hand once more.
"Mhm. I keep it locked. Mostly because I didn't want any of her little cuties to wander into bad hands more than I thought anyone here would be stupid enough to try something. Even the Curanos bitch." She nods and lets me lead us easily. "I... worry about the other Pack Sisters though. Can still hear their Wisps shout sometimes from their sections. Some of our girls have talked about seeing what's there but... held off. At least until they get up the courage to ask permission and maybe get a tour.”
"Probably worth asking Born-Anew-Euphonium to see about talking to Verbess? It's the closest thing we have to a Doll here, at least from the original 48. Nothing against the newer ones, but it's not like we know them past what we've learned over the last few days.”
"That's a good idea." She agrees, "So... who to first? Order of importance or closest?”
"Closest, see who we can round up and get to help grab more." I answer, leading the way out of my smithy.
I lead Tiffany forward, and pretty quickly we bumped into our first three. Two of the gerls we know, Melody and Prudence, and Diana, who's not from our time. They quickly agree after I explain and are off to gather up who they can find. After bumping into another pair in the streets, a few more spending time together at the edge of the fields, and a bigger group of five loudly being cute in one of the houses, we're heading back to the smithy to see who all's here and do a headcount. Start to organize and send off gerls to find the missing few until we've mostly gathered everyone.
By the end, we have 55 out of 58 geists present, the absences quite expected as the last three are still mostly catatonic from the original ritual. At the village square, just outside the doors to the library, I set down a crate and stand up on top of it to address my companions in death. "Thank you everyone for gathering so quickly. I know that not all of you particularly like me so I appreciate the willingness to attend in spite of that. There were a few things I wanted to bring up with everyone to discuss to help ensure all of our continued safety and existence. These are: The rules of hospitality, Emergency procedures, and the regions of the Driftdream outside of Matron Xafra's influence. Did anyone else have a topic that should also be discussed?”
As some murmur and shuffle but none speak up, I catch the eye of Jezrial, standing in the back off toward her clinic.
I'm going to have to make concessions to get her on board, and that's more necessary than I'd like, but needs must when the nightmare drives us.
I give her a quick head tilt and nod, Jezrial quirks an eyebrow, but otherwise remains curious and quiet as I begin to speak again. "After learning what Augusta and therefore Xafra are, I did some digging into the relevant concepts of law and etiquette for such entities in the Library and came to some conclusions that are quite important. Griþ is the term as I understand it, and roughly it means that as we are residents within our Hosts innermost sanctuary, granted life, luxury as we wish, and protection from external attack, we are bound to follow certain expectations. This binds all after the original 48 of us directly, and the rest of us indirectly as we may petition our host to be allowed to pass on, if desired." I pause for a moment to let that settle in. Tiffany sits on the edge of the box, wrapping an arm about my ankle in support as we wait for any responses or questions.
Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
Thankfully, there is no immediate outcry for release, even if there are more thoughtful looks then I would prefer. "These expectations are as follows: All prior feuds, grudges, and offenses are to be set aside. That means that we are to... Accept Jezrial and the others like her as our chosen kin." I barrel onwards, knowing how controversial that is, "We are to avoid non consensual violence through words or actions when possible. Yes, that means you can still spar or invent new and more risque methods of sex, but actual fights are to be avoided. The last expectation is the easiest, really. Any area that is locked or barred from us is to be avoided and not tested. If a pathway opens through such a location, you may enter of course.”
I step down off the crate to tense silence and look around. Many are looking at both me and Jezrial with worried or dark expressions. It's hard to make out Jezrial's face but it seems she's no longer watching me or any of the gerls, her eyes drifting past to gaze at the Library behind me.
Kira, on the other hand, really is an open book. She almost seems to flinch at my words of acceptance as if they're coming from some new creature she's not sure how to deal with. As if she was waiting for the exact opposite of my words or warnings. Then one of the gerls that seems to spend more time trying to peel answers about the outside world from her steps close and nudges Kira, I can even see a hesitant hand drift close to hers before pulling back. She murmurs something that makes Kira glance over and sigh, then shrug and shake herself to refocus.
I quietly murmur to Tiffany, "So how bad was that? Slag or a workable piece?”
She stands and takes up my hand, whispers back. "I think we'll be alright. What's that you always told me? Gotta let the metal cool and stop glowing before we can tell?”
"Truer words, mon petite. I'll be ready." With a mischievous grin, I twirl her around and swoop her down to kiss her deeply again.
She giggles into my kiss and happily relaxes into my hold with arms draping up about my neck. Many many many years ago now shedding any worry about publicly letting others see just how much she enjoys my affections. Taking a deep breath, I return her to her feet and stand back on the crate. "Okay. Emergency procedures. As a group we should determine and designate safe places for shelter in case something invades the Driftdream or causes extreme distress to Xafra. She may be a baby Divine, but she's also a heavily traumatized gerl like most of us, and I think it's best if we are prepared for things to go sideways. Any suggestions for locations?" I ask for input, hoping that it will help motivate our companions to get involved.
"Could we built a safe place for that?" A gerl asks.
"Would... like... it even follow the same rules as outside things?" Jess responds, knocking on a nearby wall. "This isn't rock or stone. It's... Dream stuff. How do we make one place safer than another?"
"Can Miss Xafra do it for us?" The gerl beside her murmurs. "Would it... fall apart if she's not there to keep it stable?"
"I've done some testing and experimentation in my role as a Smith. While I was never taught the Bondsmith Arts, I've picked up some tricks during my compagnonnage that aided me in uncovering certain facts. The Driftdream is a collaboration between us and Matron Xafra. She used the excess of our souls to create the very land we stride on, which means that we can have a measurable impact on the dream through Sympathetic Resonance. To wit, if we collectively decide that a location is a safe and secure shelter, only Matron Xafra consciously deciding to override that safety would cause it to be otherwise." I was uncertain about sharing that truth but... When forging, introducing impurities such as lies undermines the work.
"Oh! So... like your place would work, or the Library. Or... well, Doesn't Katy's place have a basement? Could be an option..." Tiffany responds. "Without us needing to like... eat or anything, we don't need to worry about anything but the spot being easy to reach and large enough. Right?”
"The main considerations should be accessibility, size, and most importantly, feel. For example, Jezrial's clinic would be perfect... for a different group, you see. It has to be somewhere we can all truly believe it will be safe.”
"Ah. yeah. So no to your forge." She huffs and lets out a breath, runs hands through her hair. "And for most of us that... will be tricky. To make even our own homes feel truly safe again. And everywhere else will take a lot of effort to shift to feel like that. I... I dunno Nadine.”
After a long moment, one of the... Stranger gerls speaks up. Holly, the geist added right after Jezrial, looks closer to a reptile than a human, with four more legs than any gerl needs, a backswept casque of ivory bone, and vibrant blue scales. Despite this, they are surprisingly friendly with everyone and offer a curious idea. "Why don't we dig one into the ground? We could make a sanctuary in the Cradle of Twilight, seeing as how most of us have gone through resheathing to some extent, it is probably reasonable to say we can recognize that we are recipients of Dämmerung's favor and can put our trust in them?”
"Oh... I actually think that's our best option!" Tiffany perks up. "With Miss Xafra's help the creation won't take long. And as a new place that blocks off a lot of outside things we can like... kindle old experiences with new feelings. And I don't think anyone here had problems with basements or enclosed spaces?”
"Mmhm. Sounds good to me. Onto our last order of business then. A number of us have been wondering about the other regions, those under the aegis of Verbess, Schatzi, Adaline, and most recently Krahe. As we do not want to overstep and violate the rules of hospitality, I propose that one of us approach Verbess, as the Pack Heart and seek its approval first and go from there. Born-Anew-Euphonium, would you be willing to do this?" I ask lightly, not wanting to cause undue pressure.
The gerlthing clicks softly before responding. "Yes. I am capable and willing to engage with Verbess on this topic." Its voice is musical as always, even while the tone is unwaveringly even. "I will prepare for this task immediately.”
"Excellent. Then I will volunteer to reach out to Matron Xafra and discuss the desire for a subterranean formation to weather potential cursestorms." I reply, satisfied that all the topics have been covered sufficiently.
"Should probably let them finish their trip, either way." Tiffany reaches up to offer me a hand for stepping down. "But... This was a good idea. Nice work. Honestly thought it would take longer to gather the herd. Ya know?”
"Definitely." I look her over with concern "Are you... Mad at me? or disappointed?”
"Not at all! This was really impressive, actually." She smirks and pulls me close. "I'm glad you did it. The girls needed someone to step up and get things moving. Just... heh. You're gonna have a lot more of them poking at you for things. Now that you're stepping up and going to be talking formally to Miss Xafra and all. Which I think will be good for you. And them. I'm proud of you.”
I feel a twinge of relief as I quietly press on. "I mean about Jezrial. I do seriously think we need to accept her as one of us, that doesn't mean ignoring future abuses, but recognizing that well... That was eons ago, and we all deserve a fresh start in this new world.”
"I..." She hesitates. "If those are the rules, then It's good we know them before someone tried something stupid. It was right that you shared that." Tiffany huffs then turns, begins to lead us through and away from the dispersing crowd. Obviously upset and wanting privacy from the rest.
Tiffany leads us back to her home. Keeps her thoughts inside while pulling out all the things to get something warm boiling. Not because she needs any kind of food or drink, but... it's always helped her think. She tends to go quiet when she's either really angry... or really scared.
Only after the flame is going at the heart of the stove and the pot is beginning to warm does she speak. "Honestly, Nadine? No. Not at all. I don't think Jezrial deserves to be here. I didn't say anything or over worry about it because I just... assumed Miss Xafra would do something about her since neither thought she would survive being added to the Gestalt. And I really hoped that our Host would... like..." She trails off, glaring out the window over the stove.
"She’s a monster, yet, I looked into it. She killed twenty six gerls like us, and fourteen boys similar. Xafra killed almost a million people during her rampage. I... Don't think I can honestly say that Jezrial is worse. I don't know why she did what she did, but I think it's vital to recognize the importance of scale. If she transgresses against any of us, I'll do whatever it takes to remove her myself. I don't forgive her, I simply am allowing the literal Divine seedling that we are existing inside of to have priority. Xafra has claimed those sins as hers, and from that filth she has helped many since, using Jezrial's skills and knowledge. Does that make sense at all?”
She takes a deep breath and goes quiet again as I finish. Begins to fiddle at making some kind of... chocolaty brew within that pot. Something stupidly expensive and special, easily provided to us here. "You're not wrong, and maybe you're making sense, but... To me, someone like Jezrial is worse. Not because of the amount, or even her specific things... but because I... I had to..." Takes another deep breath, thinks on her words for a few beats, then continues. "I don't remember the faces of the women who killed us. And I was so grateful to Dämmerung for that in our first year here. Made the nightmares easier to wake from when you were always right there. But... Now that bitch is here and she's everything I Imagine they were. And apparently the world never stopped hating people like us either and just... I hate that she gets this chance. This mercy. This... patient opportunity to live here in safety. With us. Among the girls we had to watch..."
Tiffany just... stops. Hands gripping the edges of the stove so hard her knuckles go white.
"She's... worse in a way. She chose people like us specifically. The witches just took all of us at the gerls' home, without even caring that most of us were resheathed since we were all available and disposable. I'm so sorry, Tiffany. I really am." I step up to look into the eyes of my gerlfriend, the woman who had to watch me die, and I feel the strain that the decision I've made puts on her. "I believe that healing and redemption is possible. I have to. Otherwise I'd never forgive myself for not being there with you, for not being able to save you." Tears well up and I fight them back.
"Oh, Nadine..." She pries her hands from the stove and entwines our fingers, leans forehead to mine, then whispers gently. "You... We didn't do anything wrong. Nothing that needs redeeming. Only healing. You'd never blame others here for not being able to save us. It's... that's not even comparable. I don't know what horrid things Jezrial chooses to believe, just that it led her to do really wretched things. Maybe she can be different, maybe she can change, maybe there are things about her life we don't know about but Miss Xafra does. But..." Tiffany takes a deep breath, and pulls me close. Squeezing me as tight as she can. "But those don't matter to me. I trust you, and I'm starting to trust our host. If you think it's best we try to make this work then... then I can be okay. Better than okay. Because I'm with you in what is probably the safest place in all of Dämmerung. And that bitch can't take that from me. I just... I know I'm not the only one who sees the people who killed us every time they look at her. And I think that should be something Miss Xafra and you both know when talking about things. You... I don't think you've done anything wrong here. Nothing needing forgiveness. But if you need that from me you can always have it. Forever even. Since that might be how long we'll have each other.”
I stand there held up by Tiffany for a long while, as the heat from my work dissipates in her grasp and I know that this struggle is not an ending, but a tempering process that will make us stronger.