Naught But Salt From Ashes (Blade)

Content Warnings:

Self harm. Headmates being rude. Talk of losing and selling and stealing children. um.... problems in relationship! YUP! Big murples. Gosh.

I wait for the blow, uncertain how it will land but confident that it is deserved. It's... obvious when Lynette rises from my Witchling. Not... she's not a new person. But... It's like watching a woman shed years of age off her mind as a predatory confidence mantles about her features. Scars and trauma plucked free like dirt as her eyes go from barely repressed terror into cold focused considerations of me.

A pause, then she speaks with a voice that carries an almost melodic thrum to it. "I adore the name you chose for her." She smirks, "Sikkina. Perfect. A name that rolls off the tongue like the finest wines, drips with grace, and all while being simple. In both meaning and interpretation. Well done. Was delighted the moment I saw it glowing across her form within the threads.”

I nod in confusion, "I named her in Salzige. Wanted her to have one that harkens to more than just destruction, but... will remind her of me.”

"Even better. We often have to remember our parents in some regard, and this is in a manner that I think is good. Giving her room to be inspired to grow past while also admiring the woman that brewed her." She replies with nothing but agreement and... well not warmth but... earnestness? "I'm impressed, but that's no surprise. I'd be disappointed if such a woman of your hard-fought abilities did less.”

"Am I?" I ask softly.

"Are you what?" She tilts her head in confusion while moving to sit on the edge of the tub.

"Am I a woman?”

She quirks an eyebrow, "Last I was informed. Did you decide you'd rather shed that? Or... is this some worry about being unworthy of the mantle of womanhood? If it's the first I'll gladly change my words, if not the sentiments.”

"I was mostly curious about your perspective. You are Lynette after all, the woman Yselda shaped. I am not wise, but I'm not blind to what clearly went on here... How my kin were treated. Regardless, please, ask your question or offer your chastisements as you wish.”

Her smile grows, "Oh. I am so much more than that now, but we're not here to discuss my nature. That's not a thing you'd enjoy, I think. I'd like to discuss our daughter, if you still aim to claim the mantle of parent to her with me, that is.”

I blink, torn between lunging at her and fleeing. "I see." and so the hammer falls. "Will you... keep her safe? Let her be not just a person but her own person? Give her... a happy childhood?"

She sighs, gives me such a warm look of pity. "Xafra, dear, I would slaughter anyone and everyone on these grounds if I thought any of you a threat to her freedom or happiness. Save... mayhaps one. But I would do everything in my power to make sure they were broken away from that.”

"I still don't understand how you did it. How you stole my unborn daughter from me through Calix. It shouldn't have been possible but it doesn't matter. Whatever it costs me personally, I will pay, just... let her be happy.”

This frame cannot weep. It does not show emotions. It does not deserve sympathy.

"Stole? I stole nothing," She narrows her eyes as the first sparks of anger flare in her tone. "And I do not sell children, Xafra. If you wish to be her mother, desire to be a parent to the wonderful gerlthing you wove, then say so. If you find yourself unwilling to be to her what you never had, then claim that. I will voice no judgements to either. Her happiness and freedom are never things I will barter, and I'll not see her raised under the care of a wretched parent.”

"A difference of perspective then. I offered to free an entity inside of a vast and terrible beast, only to find out it was a trick. I sent my daughter's egg free while I fell into captivity, and when released by my mate learned that my daughter has been implanted due to instructions from one whom the beast whispers to. I then learn that when my mate went to rescue my daughter in turn, this selfsame beast of an Estate created you from my mates past memories to be more compatible, and find that you consider her your daughter as well, and yet... Sikkina is still in the viscera of the beast, sworn to be safe but beyond my reach. Perhaps you see it differently. but... I don't know you."

I pause for a moment, "I know so very little. I want to be her mother... and yet. What kind of mother makes a child as a weapon? I have so much to learn and unlearn and so little time now before she is born.”

She nods carefully. All anger gone as she murmurs. "Ah, cursed by an almost... comical amount of errors into an early birthing you are woefully unprepared for." She huffs out a chuckle then. "So beyond most gerls yet... still somehow caught into the same loops. What a delight. You'll not believe my explanations and assurances, but... we can build trust I suppose. Let the results speak to my methods." Then she lifts her left palm up. "Elevar, would you be a dear and-"

A pop of blue motes, and a slurry of information is displayed above her palm.

"Perfect, thank you." Lynette nods. "This is the Sanctuary I wove from one of the below chambers, and within... is my Sikkina. Safe and growing. Surrounded by a feast of knowledge and bisected Nightmares. All quite shredded. But filled with context and framing she can use to regard the world as she will.”

"Thank you" I whisper, eyes only for the daughter I don't deserve.

Lynette rises slowly. Then carefully approaches. Stops about three short paces away and holds the Physis working out and up. Giving me an even better view of Sikkina's Sanctuary. "I think you will be such a wonderful mother to her, Xafra." She whispers. "I will not make you my Floret yet, but come to myself or Elevar anytime you wish to see your child. And if you are exceptionally lucky... I might even let you hear me sing to her."

A pause, then Elevar is swaying, sputtering, and as surprised as I am to be returned to the front of things. "I... I'm sorry I... Cracked and Riven Moon! You CUNT!”

"What? I don't understand.”

"Manipulative... Warn me next time you're just going to... to pull away!" Elevar huffs and takes a half-step back, but keeps the Physis of her Little Archive steady. "Apologies. She... This is a direct link to her Sanctuary. Will pass through even the outer Thorn Wall. It... we can... it lets her and myself make sure Sikkina's okay. Alter and adjust things if needed. Lynette refuses to give you the ability to go below again for the moment, but... will let you come to us to check on her whenever you like.”

I shudder. "Until I know her better, I would rather not be subjected to her tender mercies” I chew on my thoughts, accepting my discomfort as irrelevant. "I would rather that... our... daughter be brought up here, but I recognize that she is likely safest where she is. For now.”

She nods. "Lynette is possessive, protective of all she claims, and... and she knows you. Knows that you'd not listen to anything she'd have to say and simply run off with Sikkina at first chance. I don't like her, don't imagine she'll make..." She winces. "Fine. Yes, you'll at least be better than our mothers, but that doesn't mean you'd be a good mother, you cunt." She snaps at Lynette before continuing. "But... She's prepared things for her. Seen your weaknesses and... and is weaving gifts for the day Sikkina is born to ensure she won't suffer the things you have.”

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

"There's something... amusing about that. She's wrong." I crouch down, stirring the alchemical mud with a clawtip. "Even If she brought Sikkina up, and I was able to leave, which I am not. I would not. I will not leave my kin in chains. It is anathema to my being to an extent I don't believe either of you fully grasp, so I will spell it out for you.”

I lift a small amount of the mud out and begin shaping it with both hands, not looking up at her. "If Lynette overtakes you without your consent and I am not able to recover you, I will kill you both, and Lynette will be the first I add to my gestalt unwillingly. Better death than perpetual enslavement. I am willing to work with her, I even consider her... mmmm. Heh. Mine. My responsibility. But that does not mean that I am powerless here, ironic that the Estate itself gave me a path to further strength. Lunargent. It laces my form. Makes me finally immune to the Tone." With my precise claws, I craft a poppet, barely the size of one of Elevar's hands and twist Physis to pull the moisture from it.

Elevar's eyes go wide, tears bubble as she finally loses focus on the Little Archive. "You... the Moonwaste? It... You're finally safe? Even from a Tone like Yselda's!?!”

"Yes. The bindings you saw still hold me, but no more can be ever laid. No Garrote or anything similar unless I permit it.”

"Good. Empty Skies. That's..." She nods, has to move to sit once again. Waits a few seconds before whispering. "If she was lying. If she does infest and eat me. Don't curse yourself with... with what's left. Please. Just kill us and let what I was rot in the dirt like Yselda is.”

I nod in understanding, but not in agreement. "Regardless. She is much more human than the Witches I knew before. Both literally and in her ability for compassion. When you are ready to... let lose your grip, I can provide a duplicate of my entire Driftdream library for you both within a sliver of Lunargent wrapped in my iron.”

She glares at the far wall, "Compassion? I... I'm not sure she feels that. If she felt petty cruelty would have worked she'd have used it. But in this case she found soft words to be the path to placate and keep you close. I..." She pauses, and then snarls to Lynette's unspoken words. "I KNOW THAT! It makes this worse, not better, you salt guzzling Half-Knit!" Another deep breath, then Elevar murmurs. "Apologies. Thank you for this. I'm... not sure it is a good idea, but it means all the world that you still offer it.”

On almost reflex I snap, "Don't call her that. Either of you.” A pause, then I soften my words. "I don't doubt Lynette is capable of cruelty or pettiness, as you still are. But I'm choosing to trust. To try and make a change in my own path. I do have a question I'd like you both to think on though. You don't need to tell me the answer, just... consider. Could Lynette choose to sever herself from the Estate if she wanted to? Is she even capable of wanting to do so, or is she... more like me than she is likely comfortable admitting?" I hold out the little clay poppet. "Not bad for a first attempt. Probably need to use a different material if I'm going to try and make any sort of decent toys for our daughter.”

Elevar stares down at my working, caught between a mess of emotions. "I... think she could sever free. Never would, of course. She... this place is hers. By rights of us killing Yselda. It... She insists we'd probably not survive a fissure from this place," She pauses and sighs. "And... more nonsense. Thinly veiled threats to you and those you've come to love if you try to force that, I suspect. As for the... the rest. We'll keep our deprecations to ourselves, unless the other is being exceedingly horrid or stupid." She reaches out carefully, touches just the foot of my creation. "She's also... saying that for a child who will likely swim between Dreams and Root Ways and Farther Shores still... her silent friend best be durable. Is willing to provide Moonwaste and even Iron if you will record and share methods to forge such things into safe and useful shapes.”

"I would not force such a fissure unless there was no other option. I would rather you both... consider kindness to each other. Self loathing is an ugly thing for lesser beings, unsuitable for both the mother of my child and my mate... as for my knowledge, like I said, you both may have it all. Everything I know is recorded in my library. All of my thoughts, the memories of those that went into my forging, and everything since. I have... never had the opportunity to create something myself, so what I learn I will gladly share.”

"It's not..." She huffs and shakes her head, pulling back from my creation. "It really is lovely, my Näherin, as is everything you weave. I... I'll think about your..." She narrows her eyes. "You can't be serious. No. I... That's..." She closes her eyes, reaches up to rub at the bridge of her nose. "Moonshite. Fine. Lynette wants to... to... bribe me. Us. to get me to agree to this private Dreaming space with you.”

"The offer is open for when you are ready. I also... have a request. For Lynette.”

"Fine I... I'm just going to let her..." Elevar pauses, and then her other half bubbles up to turn and smirk at me. "Oh? What boon would you ask me to grant you?”

"Next time you head out, beyond the Jungle... Bring me back a volunteer. Not a slave, or one blackmailed, but a human beyond hope, so I can test if my resheathing techniques still work in the wake of the Moon's demise.”

"Oh. Hm... Seems a waste of time, but so did half your magic and schemes till they worked..." She purses lips and considers this, tip-taping the basin. "Honestly the Threshers will probably have some poor sot drug here soon. I could possibly be persuaded to gift them to you. Or... no. There is a half-chance they're some criminal or broken bandit. Which you'd object to, unfortunately. Hmm....”

"I'll take them too. Give them the choice.”

She eyes me, "It barely seems a choice. Become Half-Knit or become a Doll." Then she pauses, seems... actually conflicted. "I won't Garrote them, of course, but... I will offer them a mercy she did not. Death.”

"Them being able to choose between participating and death is sufficient for my purposes. If it works they will have their ideal form, not one of my making. if it doesn't, they die. I need to test, before I even consider offering such to you both, that you may have a form that shifts between your two ideals.”

"Aaaahhhh. You really are too kind, dear Xafra." Lynette sighs, real annoyance playing across her features. "But... Elevar was worried I might have the Estate whittle away at her wards. So she anchored them through flesh and marrow and memory. Our form will resist changes and spend Ousia to reknit into this shape. Some minor alterations will probably stick for longer but..." She shrugs, "I can try teaching her to adore this form again, but if she wants more she'll have to trust me and unweave these wards. Which..." Then she turns to give me a playful smirk. "Be a dear, and help me convince her, alright? We've always wanted to go beyond what even Yselda could offer. Had entire journals full of–"

A whip-crack, and Elevar is back. Cutting off Lynette's words with a snarl. "No. If you're going to distract from your offer then I will make it.”

"Hahah,” I chuckle mirthlessly as my Witchling recovers. “No Lynette, I will offer myself and all my knowledge, but I won't risk any others of mine to you until I can actually trust you.”

My words calm Elevar, "Thank you. And... she's offering you the spell the Estate first used to catch you. Gifted at the gates to the Driftdream. The Wurzelriss. Useless to most Witches due to its ridiculous Ousia cost even when cast at near flawless efficiency. It... It creates a Fold between the roots, or a link to one that you know the tune of. And depending on the amount of Physis and Ousia spent can create incredibly large spaces unreachable to most. It's honestly what I thought your Driftdream was at first. I would just... give it to you in writing but... It would probably take me years and thrice as many tomes to get it down.”

"I don't understand what that means. Was it not an actual chamber down there?”

"Right... so it's a real space but... without a location in this world. Not a Dream, but.... similar to yours in that it has Physicality without being a..." She trails off in a huff, shakes her head. "I'm too tired to explain it properly. I'll send you..." Another pause, then a hiss. "Right. Can't do that either. Well, I need to visit Yselda's Spire anyway. Let's hope she had one of the three good manuals on the Folds. Cracked and Riven Moon." She rises to stand to regard the weeping Sun's placement outside. "Simple answer. Yes. As real as the Moonwaste you consumed from within. Physical, but hidden between and beneath the Folds of our world. Like how words disappear when you close the book.”

"Uh huh, and you consider my magic calling on Dämmerung nonsense, when you're talking about folding existence like paper." I shake my head in bewilderment and clack my faceplates. "I am interested, but it is your decision.”

"Honestly, you're right. I hate magic like this. Literally hurts to think about. Nonsense of the highest order." Elevar sighs while smirking at my expression, "She's bribing me above my ability to decline, unfortunately. Might as well fleece her for the opportunity. She already means to make sure it's a thing Sikkina knows, and finds the idea of you getting trapped in another fold unacceptable. The working will also provide a way out of any place like the Archive so long as you have the Ousia for it and no Fold tuned wards were laid, which this Estate is the only place I've seen do that.”

"Alright then. Once you're ready to... let me in, I can bring you both into the Driftdream. It is going to be a bit... disorganized, I haven't had a chance to do pruning since my confinement.”

"That's alright. I'm going to think over it all for at least a week while I find those books and... and see what else the old Cunt kept of mine in her Spire." She nods, smile turns a bit more painful. "And... Thank you. You've taken all this with more patience than I deserve, and... truly. Anytime you want to see your daughter, come to me. Day or night. I will not bar you from checking in on her.”

"One last question, if I could... two actually.”

"Of course, always." She agrees without hesitation.

"Do you know when I can resume the process of removing the Garrote on the rest of the Dolls? Also, when things settle, Primrose has her heart set on gathering materials for more paint and I was hoping you'd be up for taking us on a bit of a jaunt?”

"At your leisure on the Dolls, I'll... none of the ones remaining should cause problems and you've proven that your method works." Elevar nods. "And... I can take you out... in a few days? The jungles will have regrown as well so you can feast again. Will be a good chance too since we'll probably have visitors in a few weeks and I don't want them getting spooked by a dead jungle.”

"Good good. Can get you both and your Doll topped up as well.”

She nods. "Probably a good idea. Thank you.”

I stand, clacking fingers together. "This is awkward. I'm sorry. I uhm... Will see you soon?”

A pause and she huffs. "If Lynette's presence hasn't scared you off then nothing will, I suppose. May I hug you, Xafra?”

"Please.”

And so she does, quicker than I expect her to move. Enveloping me almost desperately. After a few heartbeats murmuring. "I love you, dear one.”

I hold her tightly, wishing desperately to be able to feel her emotions once again. "I love you too, Mistress.”

After both a long time, and not enough of it, she pulls back and is gone.

I head down the stairs to the basement and close the door tightly once more, listening for a moment until I'm sure I'm alone. Then, holding tightly to the bond, I let myself feel my emotions. I smash my faceplates into pieces, dash my claws against the floor until they break, and throw myself bodily into the walls, screaming and wailing all of my pent up anguish and torment.