Never Love An Anchor (Witch)
Content Warnings:
GOSH. A lot. Smexy happens here. More spooky/abusive headmates. Arguing with lovers. Talk of possible mental assault and getting new headmate planted in head.
Part of us rests, while another part sings.
It’s such a soft and quiet thing, this child’s lullaby. We… We've not sung for almost a decade. Not since… Since the Old Cunt forced us to… to do it for her and…
And the other half considers refusing this comfort but… Knows more than anything that the words are true things.
This… isn’t true rest. There will still come a cost if the body and mind are not allowed to fall into sleep. But… Part of us refuses. Can’t face the Nightmares she knows will swallow her without the sanctuary of the Driftdream. And the other half doesn’t know how to help with that.
And so we compromised.
Part of us rests as best she can, while another sings to her daughter. Motes of little blue light dance about our left palm and display Sikkina’s sanctuary. Both the physical forest we wove and the threads about it. The impressive chamber previously meant to contain monsters thrumming with nothing but warmth and safety.
We didn’t bother scrubbing at our flesh, don’t have the energy. Physical or mental. So we agreed to sit cross-legged in the middle of the shower and just… let the water pour down on us like rain.
Cold. So cold. Numbing the aches and pains away. Helping this feel like some type of true void when others might find in rest.
But… Even this must come to an end. Of course.
“No.” I cut off the Physis display and end the cool wash of water. Then use a whiff of spell and will to dry me while moving to the main bedchamber. “Schatzi, dear? I… I don’t know why but Calix is loafing about outside. I’m going to go up and make sure someone else hasn’t decided to… to do something exhaustingly foolish.”
"This one will wait for you, Mistress." She responds, beginning to undress and probably prepare properly for the night.
I nod and end up wrapping myself in a simple robe and heading up the steps to find Calix just… fiddling with some odd device just outside the entrance.
“Calix? Dear?” I ask carefully. “Did you need something? Is… is everyone alright?”
He looks up with a smile, "Everything is quite well. This one came to see you both and brought a gift. Just finished it too!"
I sigh with relief.
"I... that's quite kind of you, Calix. Thank you. But... Schatzi is settling in for sleep so I'd rather not pull her from that. And, if I'm being honest, I'm soon to follow." I tilt my head while examining the gift still in his hands.
"Schatzi?" He hands the device over. "This one wasn't talking about Schatzi, though Mistress Xafra will likely come to speak with her tomorrow. Oh the device. This one calls it a Thaumeter. If you hold it while weaving, it can record the precise amount of Ousia used. Haven't figured out how to handle Physis yet, but this one thinks it's a decent start and felt like you might appreciate trying it out."
Lynette goes still and quiet.
Verbess then? Why would he want to talk with it? I blearily wonder while examining this marvel and calling up the barest fraction of Ousia to test this brilliant Doll's work. No Einwandfrei, just a pop of energy to see if…
The 5 tubes look to light up in sequence with a series of 9 small bulbs under each tube providing specificity by lighting up based on the exact amount. The tubes and bulbs appear to contain some sort of alchemical liquid as well as plant matter like algae. It seems to measure up to 99,999 Thaums.
“That’s… This is quite impressive.” I murmur. “Honestly, Cracked and Riven Moon. This has so many uses. Well done. And… What did you want Verbess up here for? Calling one sister is meeting the other nowadays.”
"Sorry, this one has trouble being clear sometimes. This one just wanted a quick word with Mistress Elevar and Envoy Lynette.” He explains. “You see, Mistress Xafra had a meeting with us just a bit ago and mentioned that this one has been leaky with his thoughts over the bond, and this one figured that he should also ask the one who could help with the other leaky one so he could sleep better but without being rude, you know?"
At our names I go stiff, jerk up to miss whatever reading this thing displayed to stare wide eyed.
Sh– she… But… Schatzi would never…
No. I… I don’t…
I hesitate, and carefully let her bubble up.
“Ah. You’re hearing that Spire echo a bit, aren’t you?” Lynette murmurs while relaxing our posture. “Poor boy, apologies. I’ll be sure to have those top floors you sleep in go into a bit of hibernation when you do. Is that acceptable?”
He nods quickly. "Thank you Envoy Lynette. That would be appreciated. In return, this one will mention that Xafra told us about what happened earlier and mentioned that Mistress Elevar resonates differently to her Quills, more similar to Verbess and Schatzi than she did previously. So you all probably should talk about that at some point." And before we can respond he turns and starts to wander his way back to Xafra's Spire.
“Empty Skies.” I hiss as I move back into my Spire. Laying the contraption down on the table as I walk back down into my bed chambers. “I wanted to tell her in… in my time. After a few hour’s pause and… and start from the beginning and…”
“Which is still a half a chance she knows everything!” I growl while crawling up onto the bed to sit up against the wall. “Moonshite. Stupid old Cunt and… and not caring to make sure her Dolls weren’t… weren’t…”
I was going to say ‘okay’. I hiss and bonk my head against the backboard. Trying to… to decide what to do.
"Mistress," Schatzi murmurs quietly from beside me, "You're stressed and tired, and this one would like to help you relieve the tension, if you wish."
I almost jolt, so lost in my own mess that I didn’t even notice that she’d not redressed herself and had moved close.
“I… b– but Schatzi…” I stammer, have to take a deep breath to regain some composure. “You know what’s inside my head now. You can’t possibly… possibly want…”
Lynette huffs in annoyed mirth, but remains silent as I sputter in tired conflictions.
"This one knows. This one is willing and prepared to accept the possibility of extra attention as long as limits are respected."
I swallow, and let Lynette bubble out to say. “Of course, dear one. I cannot fall into rest as Elevar can, but I will remain silent and detached to the limits allowed by our compromise.”
"No, this one means... no permanent damage, no saying mean things, and no using the Tone. Otherwise this one is willing to... accommodate, to whatever extent Mistress Elevar is comfortable with."
That catches Lynette a little off guard. Makes her pause and consider.
“It might be easier if… if we were both here?” I whisper carefully to them. “I know she'd never hurt you, either of you. Both because of her promise and... and because she loves you both so dearly. Even if she was never brave enough to say it."
Lynette huffs, but doesn’t voice disagreements. Only a soft...
Schatzi smiles and pokes us in the nose. "Miss Lynette, you're not the Mistress, but that doesn't mean this one can't recognize that expression. You both know this one is no good at lying. This one is comfortable with you both being present and participating."
That startles the fool gerl I share a mind with, but before she gets the chance to consider much else I pull us forward to cup Schatzi’s cheek. “Thank you for seeing through us so cleanly, Schatzi. Your Mistress and her new... compatriot would adore your attentions tonight.”
"Good. This one is glad." Schatzi curls into me, sliding the robe I wear off.
As she does that, we slide fingers up and through her hair. Enjoying the perfect smoothness of the texture while pulling her up to press soft lips of porcelain flesh into mine. Can’t stop a soft purring sound of hunger from bubbling up as unfamiliar warmth radiates from my Doll. Nothing extreme just… slow pulsing heat absent from past times with her.
The Breaths changes? Or… Xafra’s Heart? Both?
We don’t know, will think to care later…
With ease we push my Doll backwards, move hands to her wrists and pinning her to the quilts. Letting all the day's terrors, fury, pains, and anxieties boil up into just… raw desire. A tapestry of hungers weaving for this wonderful gerl who…
Something twists deep inside us as I move our lip's affections to Schatzi's neck and jaw. Lynette growling softly in confusion at these rising realizations. Our heart aching as teeth nibble gently over tender Dollflesh. A small sob smothered by a growl of desire when lips brush familiar porcelain curves and dips in her gorgeous Frame.
Parts of Schatzi's ideal form as familiar and comfortable to us as our own knit flesh.
She struggles weakly against me while feigning mewling and whimpers, the bond thrumming with… things. Things I wish so desperately to bask in. Probably excitement and delight and… and a mess of such wonderful and interesting emotions!
But… no. Have to keep those tethers bound tight to keep myself sealed off. Can’t risk what could leak through.
Lynette sighs in annoyed hunger but… doesn’t distract us. Instead murmurs a simple,
In agreement, I spin a simple weaving I’ve done hundreds of times before. Flooding the quilts about Schatzi’s hands with my Physis and letting them twist about her wrists as we drag nails down delicate arms. Eventually raking patterns about side and hips and teasing around breasts as our lips move to hover over a nipple. Letting warm slow breaths wash over it while my Doll squirms and wiggles a bit beneath us.
"There we go. Enjoy this with me. It is this one's pleasure to serve." She breathes.
Our reply is a purr of barely repressed acceptance as we lean down to dance tongue and teeth and lips over her breast. Never enough to hurt her but… well even I’m not bothering with slow regard now. Letting nails drag down to hips and thighs and just barely avoiding even more sensitive areas.
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After a few moments of this… an odd division jerks us in two directions. Not a thing of split desires but…
“Schatzi, we’d like your face between our legs as we pleasure you in… in turn.” I whisper, trying to keep my voice steady. Even. “Is that alright with you?”
Hesitation and confusion cross her face before she agrees wholeheartedly. "Yes please, this one would enjoy that very much."
And so we move up to straddle her face, leaning back and around to touch her gaze with mine, I murmur, “This still comfortable?”
She blushes and nods before focusing her attention on my body.
Carefully. I insist, we lower ourselves down while stretching over my Doll like some big grakler. Gliding down past the belly and hips to settle our head between her legs. Shiver as we feel her mouth meet my second lips and barely repress the urge to… to…
Fine. I sigh and let Lynette just… indulge our weary-born lack of patience. Pressing close and deep between this Gerl’s legs to begin enjoying her. Letting my tongue explore and taste all the wonderful textures and flavors of my Doll while… while she does the same.
Soft yet firm flesh, of course woven to feel just… perfect. Almost as perfect as the lips currently between my own legs.
“Such a good Gerl.” We breathe together, before promptly beginning to nibble and bite softly. Searching for…
Ah, there it is. And we stop indulging any manner of coy slowness and press deeper still into her. Not willing to let Schatzi bury us beneath her workings and miss out on the pleasure we so desperately want to give her today. Use this spell of motion and energy and speed to let us keep up with her tireless workings.
She… she still turns us into a puddle of shivering nonsense before we can do the same to her. Which… is to be expected. Honestly. Schatzi is a Gerl of many hard-learned skills and peerless focus when I’m not getting in her way. But with this spell we manage to drag her along close behind. Soon feel her wriggle and whimper beneath us.
I... I try to sit us up but... but feel something give and I tumble off and to the side of Schatzi. Breathing heavily and still shaking. Only the spell woven keeping me awake, I suspect.
Schatzi moves up beside me, lifts me to the middle of the bed and sets me down with my head on her chest. "Mistress Elevar, Miss Lynette, you don't need to tell this one what is causing you both such stress but this one is here to listen if it will help. otherwise, this one is also here to be a safe place for you to rest."
C– can’t. I murmur back while tiredly shaking our head. Won’t.
She huffs and considers…
Lynette pulses with nothing but focused worry so…
“Schatzi, dear? I’m trying to get her to end this spell of energy, but she’s stubborn.” Lynette whispers. “Can you do me a favor? Hold your Mistress here through the night? Don’t let me take us anywhere or… or whatever else she might object to?”
"Truthfully, Miss Lynette, this one was already planning on such, and thus clarified earlier that you were desired to remain as well. This one remembers how much trouble you were capable of getting into. And... how much that capability has only grown in Mistress Elevar."
“It’s… I know that.” I huff and nuzzle closer into her. “I… Tonight is going to be hard. I… I’m not… Normally I’d rely on Xafra’s Driftdream but I can’t and… I don’t want to Dream about Her! About Yselda. Am a coward who... who would rather endure weeks of exhaustion than those Nightmares. Especially after today. After what I had to see down there.”
Hundreds and hundreds of memory echoes just… strutting about. So real and washing through me as I struggled to filter and consider the best way to save Xafra’s daughter. Would have fallen into pieces as my own recollections bubbled up and… and been unable to do anything to save Sikkina if… if…
Lynette winces at that. She... she may be me but that's something she's never suffered. Her weaving lacks the intimate knowledge of everything after the morning I woke up to find the Cunt had Garroted me. The outline is there, the understanding it happened and even a great deal of anger at the betrayal. But none of the triggers or... or limitations that spawned from it.
"Mistress..." distress and fear cloud her features as Schatzi seems to struggle with a decision. "This one has been having ideas, thoughts appear without understanding where they come from. Utterly Witchless behavior, but... the ideas seem to work and... This one thinks she can help you sleep dreamlessly, like how this one grew these horns."
The Warden is gifting her Schema for changes she wants?
I turn up to stare at her as a desperate hope blossoms, “R– really? I… I’d adore letting you at least try.”
"Okay. Um. This one is... sorry if this doesn't work. Are you ready?"
I roll on my back and reach up to touch her cheek. “Just… just knowing you tried and… and that you’ll both be here when I wake up will help. Thank you, and… yes. I’ll end the spell and trust you all to keep things steady till I wake up.”
Deep breath, and I let the magic of the spell fade.
Darkness gathering and…
Nothing.
I… I know time has passed from the stiffness in my flesh and bones but…
I blearily open my eyes to gaze up at the wonderful Gerl who still holds me. “Th– thank you, Schatzi.”
And… and good morning, Lynette. Any flames get lit while I was resting?
I sigh in such relief. “Wonderful. Perfect actually. Well done Gerls. Not a flitter from the void to haunt me. That’s… that’s such a wonderful relief. Thank you all.”
"So it worked then? This one is so happy to hear that." Schatzi responds.
“As am I.” I push myself to sit and… “Cracked and Riven Moon, I'm going to need a shower.” I huff, letting a spinning of Physis clean us both a bit. “Let… Would you mind terribly letting Xafra know I’m up and about and… and available? When or if she or others might need me once I’ve spent a bit cleaning and regathering myself?”
A pause, and "She says that she would love to see you if you'd like to head over, but she's currently starting the initial construction of a base form and would rather not interrupt the process unless it's urgent. She also says that she has news to discuss but that you likely are already aware?"
I nod. “Sounds agreeable to me. Thank you dear. Would you find me comfortable to wear and… and maybe something I can eat while walking over?”
"Yes, Mistress." She deftly rummages through the dresser and brings over a simple long sleeve blouse and knee length skirt.
I let the shower drag on as long as feels appropriate, which then takes longer as Lynette insists on us checking in on Sikkina, which... amidst the dancing motes of warmth and calm of my Little Archive I… I of course let her bubble up and sing to her daughter again.
Only a single passage of the melody this time but… but the way Sikkina seems to wibble and wobble in tune with her words just… almost makes me agree to another.
And soon we’re approaching Xafra’s Spire, some fruits we barely taste in hand as I trek across the star laden pathways in the attire Schatzi chose for us. Soon to find the gerl exactly where she said she’d be. Neck deep in a bath of mud.
The form looks incomprehensible at first but slowly resolves as the muck slides away to be... a Doll. Gorgeous white ceramic plates with red cloth underlay on a humanoid frame, she still has the same red eyes and looks like a doll made for manual labor. "Heya Love."
I grab a stool and pull it up to sit next to her. “Hi love. Your form looks a delight, Doll craft as the base?”
"Mmhm. It seems prudent to have a Doll form. I'm planning on asking Schatzi for advice on using the Breath to mask my Ousia and Physis."
“That’s a good idea. Warden seems to feed her Schema for ideas she wants.” I reply, “Helped me sleep well. Which was nice.”
"Calix... Spoke to myself and Adaline last night. Mentioned a few things that are... concerning."
Lynette, thankful, restrains her ire to let me speak without distraction.
“It… Yes.” Deep breath, keep it simple. Let her ask questions as she considers the shape of things. “I’d assumed he would tell you some of the things he heard. I’m not sure but… I understand you’ve puzzled some of it together. I… I found her. Sikkina. Worked things out with the Estate before things got worse for her. Compromised. And… and it grew someone inside of me to ensure I could fulfill my end of the agreement. Become the Blossom it could work with.”
Kept my promises. Did anything and everything and survived it all besides.
"I... what? that's... okay. We can and will talk about that afterwards, but I meant that apparently the other Groves have been informed of you taking over?"
I sigh and nod. “I know. Would have loved to stop that but… well. We couldn’t hide here forever. Was hoping for at least three decades before someone started demanding something only the Blossom could get but… well it’s done. I’ll manage the Grove’s when they reach out.”
"Okay. That's why this form, at least partially. I also asked Adaline to look up information about the precise rules and limitations regarding dollcraft, so that in the event of any sort of inspection, we can all... pass muster if needed."
I can’t help but chuckle at that. “So long as you don’t slip away you’ll be alright, no envoy from the Groves would want to enter here. Too much of a risk. Most we might need to do is chase off Thresher scouts they might send into the jungles. Remind the cunts that this isn’t their territory. No. They'll just... want to know what kind of bitch killed the past two gerls living here. Might even take them more than a few weeks to discover who Elevar even is. Hopefully after initial treaties are woven in wood and Ousia. Any talks will happen on the Root ways.”
"Oh. well. This form can still be... useful." She seems very relieved and slightly disappointed.
“It’s wonderful, actually.” I assure her. “And after Schatzi possibly helps you discover a method to hide your Ousia it’ll mean you can travel with us without worry. And… It’s also cute. I hope you’re comfortable in it.”
"It feels interesting so far. comfortable but odd." The faceplates clack together softly. "The other thing Calix mentioned is that you were... Cultivated." her voice becomes gentle, concerned. "You were... assaulted?"
I pause at that, considering. “I… would not use that term for it. But… It… it wasn’t pleasant. I had to… it needed me different. But even this place has limits to what it can do. I’m not what I was before Yselda’s Garrote. Had I insisted Schatzi or… or Verbess carry me below the day I killed the cunt then… but they didn’t and I’m glad they didn’t. But it kept rejecting me last night and… and Sikkina was already breaking my little Archive and leaking into me so… So we came to a compromise. It would bond to me through a glyph that acts as a pathway to which my mind would work without the scars. Sort of… channel what I would have been if Yselda hadn’t broken me. She is me and I am her. If I need something from the Estate I ask this new person inside of me, and if the Estate or her needs something she asks me. I… I’m not sure if that makes any sense? Am I talking nonsense?”
The hands that grasp the edges of the basin clench as I start talking, cracking the tub, but relax and settle as I continue, the faceplates solid and unreadable.
"I am so very sorry. I... put you into an unfair position and you... thank you." Her voice is quiet, grave and holding back a wash of emotions.
“It’s fine, should have… have done it…”
Lynette growls.
I sigh and look down and away. “Honestly, the irony of this being the price is… quite appropriate. Could have been worse. Was actually worried this place would try and implant some horrid replica of the old Cunt in my head. I… I don’t think I could have survived very long like that. This… I can deal with this. She’s a cunt too but… but one I know all too well. Laid stitching below to keep her from using my magic and… and can keep her from bubbling up and taking over anything but my mouth so long as I’m awake and focusing. Not sure they'll stop her from using my new Witch Tone but... she knows how badly that would erode the compromise.”
"I have questions. Concerns still. Not sure where to start. I assume you do as well. both of you perhaps?"
I nod and look up to give her a smile. “Of course. Ask away. I… I’m not sure you’re going to enjoy it when I gather the courage to let you two converse but… we’ll manage it.”
"Okay. In order of importance then. Did Sikkina's shell harm you, when she started leaking through?"
“A little, nothing the Estate couldn’t stitch right. She um… was quite hungry. Tore through everything else within my little Archive in about half an hour.” I assure her with a wince of regret and move past the pain of that. “Honestly I would have let the wounds heal on their own within a few weeks but we needed to focus and the Estate needed me clean of…How did it phrase it? The bites she left?”
"That. Yes. Thank you." I nod and continue. "Infected Anomalies, to make sure we could set up Sikkina's Sanctuary while I also finished my defensive stitching. It... the timing was important, and I was already running out of it by that point."
"Damn. She…" Xafra sighs. "She wasn't hungry. I didn't have time to alter her shell. Was so focused on making sure she could be a person instead of a weapon. That when it was time, she could have a good foundation instead of how I had originally made her. My apologies for the damages. Please, do not hold them against her. She is innocent. Not yet even gestated. It is my fault."
"Of course not. She's just a child looking for nourishment. Or... or something like it." I nod. "Was just glad I had room for her in the Archive while we forged a better place for her. And you... you could have warned me better but... but it's not..." Such a hiss of fury from Lynette causes me to wince and cut off the words.
"I could have. Yes." Her tone turns biting, cold. "And you could have told me that the home you were taking me into is a sapient being of absurd scale that has the ability and proclivity to strip autonomy from people. The one thing I find repellant more than any other considering my history. That said, being would..." Xafra stills for a few heartbeats. "We all made omissions. Mea culpa, my Mistress. The Divines know I have made many mistakes, and unfortunately will likely make many more. This other you, how does she prefer to be addressed?"
Lynette lets out a hissing cackle as I look away. Unable to meet Xafra’s red-stone gaze.
“You’re right I… I should have told you sooner. About it. About me. About the kind of person I was.” I whisper. “I’m sorry. I just… Was going to get your help in figuring out how to handle this place. But I wanted to do it slowly. In steps. You fooled it enough that… that I… Hoped maybe you could take it from me eventually. Claim it and… and change it. Like you helped her Dolls.”
“But I couldn’t risk telling you everything. Not right away. You might have… have seen...”
“But I’m rambling. I’m sorry." I finish and look back up to meet her gaze. "Her name is Lynette."
"Okay. And she's you. But not entirely. By that name, I'd assume a reconstitution of your past self. Is that close?" Xafra has calmed, swallowed down whatever venom was threatening to spit forth.
"What I would still be if things had gone differently, Yes." I nod.
"Then I only have one more pressing question. Are you happier being Elevar, than being Lynette?"
"My happiness is not a thing worth..." I sigh and look down at my hands. "Lynette was a person Yselda helped me become, and I adored it. As for Elevar... It was a name I remembered from a storybook and liked as a child. The... the character was a kind woman. Didn't have a cruel bone in her body. Don't know why I blurted it out as mine one day when I really did not want to face a Grove as First Floret Lynette. I'm nothing like the storybook Gerl, but... I'm not sure. I've kept it close as the years past and the Soul Rot consumed me. I'm not sure I want to pursue my own happiness anymore Xafra, not... not when I can help others find theirs."
"Alright. Thank you. You or Lynette can ask whatever you would like as well." At that, she stands and steps out of the basin, carefully whisking all the mud back into it before dressing in a simple robe.
“I…”
“Just… I’m guessing the Breath settled alright?” Pushing past her anger I add, “Meeting your um… Well now calling it what I did before seems properly disrespectful. Allagaí? Was that its name? Felt like a name when it spoke. Does it often say more than that?”
She stumbles. "Dämmerung spoke to you? I've... heard that they do when sufficiently interested, but the three times I've communed they said nothing. Allagaí… change/trade/exchange/catalyst. That is likely the proper name for the Breath. Yes, it settled. I didn't realize I needed three to maintain my Warlord form. I was under the mistaken impression that two would be sufficient."
Lynette seethes while I distract us with this.
“Mhm. To Schatzi and Verbess too.” I nod. “It… called me a ‘child of sin’ and a ‘daughter’ and… gave me enough Breath for myself and Sikkina’s cradle. Then called Schatzi and Verbess ‘lost daughter’ and told them to ‘be welcome’.”
"Child of sin... I don't understand that, but... I've been told that when Dämmerung speaks, they refer to whatever humans they are speaking to as their children. I don't know what they meant by the other things either." Xafra laughs, rather uncannily from the brutalist Doll design, "I apologize, none of those who make up my gestalt were foolish enough to be priests of any stripe."
“Our last day makes me agree with you on the foolishness of worshiping them. Not sure I enjoy the feeling of being a bug landing on some big monster’s nose. Equal chance it’ll ignore me as it might squish me.” I nod while leaning forward to rest my chin on my palm. “But... I'm glad it gave us more of this Allagaí for you all."
"Yes. The Divines are best treated like... I guess the Tides are the closest equivalent in these days. To be respected, feared, and only approached when necessary."
“Um… Well I know you probably need more rest.” I nod and rise. “Wouldn’t want to… to impose. You’re safe, and that’s what matters. I’ll be about if you need anything. Of course.”
"Love.” Xafra intones softly. “You're being impolite. If Lynette is anything like you are now, she wants to scream at me for something. What specifically, I'm not certain, but I know I've made a vast array of mistakes lately.”
I shake my head. “I… Don’t think I want to inflict her on you. Not…”
"My Mate... are you scared for me, or worried I will judge you?"
“Both?” I let out a terrified giggle. “And I know it'll be worse the longer I hold her back. So... so if you insist I'll let her speak. Just... just please be careful? Be kind to one another? Don't... We can make this work. I still think that. Wouldn't have let myself leave the Undercroft without believing that."
"I will do my best."
Lynette sighs.
And so… I take a deep breath, and let the cunt that was me bubble up.