I hunger.

I stalk the streets of town, looking for prey to hunt. These streets… I’m in Alsace again, my fur and teeth bristling with steel bayonets, my flesh made of willing soldiers. When I breathe, powder smoke envelops the space around me, cutting me off from the normal world. Wherever I tread is dragged into the world of violence… If I’m in Alsace, then the Coalition is here as well, aren’t they? Here to burn the town to cinders, here to hunt me down.

My mouth waters. Bigger beasts always have more meat. I lie in wait, creatures like this must be taken by ambush, I am simply not big and scary enough for a stand-up fight. I catch sight of the Coalition Beast, so large that its steps shake the ground as it walks. I allow it to enter the town, the people will set their houses ablaze and trap the opposing monster in the smoke. The Coalition Beast won’t see its death coming.

It steps over some of the houses and buildings, the Coalition Beast cares not for the people who live in them. This is a place where people cannot live, after all, so one cannot care if they die. The Beast enters the smoke, and I prepare my pounce.

I jump at its neck and bite, running my claws across the monster’s back, and breathing powder smoke right into its wound. It struggles, it tries to shake me off, and it almost manages it… But I hold firm. I can feel the warmth of its blood in my mouth, the struggle of its body against my hands. And I can feel the radiance of Her Majesty, and know she wants this beast to die.

Eventually, the Coalition Beast bleeds its last, crumbling to its component soldiers, who scream and flee in the face of my monstrosity. I spit canister shot at the pitiful little humans, stuck in the world of violence with me. I stalk them, I crush them, I eat them, I impale them. And soon, I am all that remains, in the burning remains of the town of Alsace.

I feel a hand reach from above, stroking my deadly fur, accompanied by a beautiful voice. “My monster. My beautiful monster.”

Her Majesty. Her Majesty touched me! I purr in delight, even as each stroke of my fur removes more and more of the dead soldiers from my skin. The corpses fall a long way to the ground, many becoming broken from the fall, becoming their constituent limbs.

Ready for consumption by Leather’s faithful… But some of the bodies remain intact. Pasche. Xena. Katarina… I can see them all clearly, their bodies whole amongst the piles of limbs and the sea of gore. But I do not pay them mind for very long. Soon, Her Majesty puts a hand under my chin and is just about to kiss me.

"Serena! Breakfast is ready!"

Celeste's voice wakes me in an instant, and I look down at my half-clothed form... What a bizarre dream... And then I hear her knock on the door and I am suddenly gripped by panic.

"Uhhh! Just a minute!"

I desperately try to scramble to get dressed, rolling off my discarded clothes a little too enthusiastically and accidentally falling onto the floor.

The voice beyond the door sounds horribly concerned. "Serena? Are you okay? Do you need help?"

"I'm fine! I'm just an idiot…" I manage to get to my feet, wincing a little as I go to grab my clothing.

"Hey now, none of that in this house!" Now I'm being chided, I wonder if Celeste would flick me on the head through the door if she could. "We all have days where we wake up on the wrong side of the bed, it doesn't make anyone an idiot."

It's honestly a little sweet, I rush to put on my clothes so I can open the door and see her again... I really am utterly shameless, and probably broken in some important ways. This is Auguste's wife for gods' sake! Maybe Theophania was right, maybe Renee was right, and there is something profound to be said about how strange I am. Maybe this is why I don't want to grow up to be like the Marshal…

I open the door and find that Celeste's smiling face is pressing on whatever profound thing is wrong with me. "... Your hair is a mess, Mademoiselle Serena."

My eyes go a little wide, and I quickly reach up to try and comb my curls with my fingers, before Celeste grabs my hand and giggles sweetly. I stop in place, and she takes the opportunity to lead me downstairs, where something smells delicious. Auguste sits at the dinner table with a newspaper in his hands, holding a pencil between two fingers.

"The last place Jeanne the Magnificent was seen... Hmmm..."

He doesn't seem to have noticed us both just yet. Celeste quietly led me to a chair, before sneaking up on her husband and leaning in over his shoulder.

"I think you'll find that it was Triumph Square in Central Alesia, love."

Auguste clearly beams as he writes the answer onto the newspaper, before turning his attention back to Celeste. "Thank you, darling."

"Hey, I never said it was free advice."

"Hehe, and I wouldn't dare skimp on paying you."

He leans up to kiss Celeste's cheek, which quickly turns into Celeste kissing him passionately. Which quickly turns to Auguste realizing that I am indeed at the table with them, prompting him to angle the newspaper to hide the two of them from my view. Which I am honestly a little grateful for, seeing how happy the two of them are made my distressing little affections sting. I try to focus on breakfast, figuring that my hosts aren't likely to take issue with me starting without them while they are currently tonsils deep in one another... Is every morning for them like this? ... Maybe every morning with Her Majesty could be like this?

I feel the sudden need to stab myself with my fork but manage to resist for my hosts' sake. It would ruin the mood and the two of them were nice enough to let me into their home, I don't want to bleed on their tableware... That and despite everything it is a very nice breakfast they've prepared for me.

Eventually they release themselves from their embrace, and Auguste lowers the paper rather sheepishly. "Ah... So how are you finding-"

"It's excellent." ... That was far too terse from me, I have to try to be nicer, I want the two of them to be okay being happy together. "Thank you both."

"You're very welcome!" Celeste seems to be trying just a little too hard to be enthusiastic, as if she can paper over their little indiscretion with excitement. "... You know, speaking of Triumph Square, we did actually need to get some grocery shopping done. Auguste has a speech today, and I have a meeting of the Women's Auxiliary Humanist Salon to chair, so we'll be busy all day, but if you could help us out..."

... I’ve never gone grocery shopping in my life. I'm starting to realize I've had something of a privileged upbringing, and maybe this is a good step to take towards being at least a little normal. It's... Certainly more normal than sending people to die, at least. Maybe spending something other than flesh might be healthy for me.

"I... I think I know how to do that?" I wish I was more confident about this.

"Hehe, I won't ask you to haggle or anything. And you can find just about anything you need in Triumph Square so you won't have to go hunting obscure ingredients. I'll go write you a list, okay?"

She quickly left the room, leaving me alone with an obviously quite embarrassed Auguste, who simply mouthed a silent apology to me before returning to his newspaper... Which raises a question.

"Don't you and Celeste hate the press? Why do you get the daily paper?"

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

"It's important to know what the press are talking about, because that lets you know what the rich and powerful think is worth brainwashing people over. Let's you know what to press on, what to investigate... That and I'm a fan of the crossword."

"Yeah, I can tell..." I can't help but poke at him a little bit, hoping to regain at least some manner of stability after that display. "Fun to share it seems."

"Look, listen! ... My wife happens to know the city very well and also I love her very dearly."

"For good reason! ... It's okay, you know. I'll deal with your affections, they're a little awkward but you two are genuinely really happy together, and that's important." I'm trying to convince myself as much as I am Auguste, but oddly enough it seems to be working on us both. "That and it'd be a little hypocritical for me to be against public displays of affection at this point."

"I appreciate the understanding- Wait, what public displays of affection have you been involved in?"

I nervously swallow, but mercifully Celeste arrives to cut this line of questioning off at the pass, presenting me with a paper list and a hefty bag of coins. "Here you go! Oh, and get yourself something nice with what's left over."

I take the honestly rather heavy purse and the rather long list of needed groceries, and then I take the offer with no small amount of apprehension. "... Something nice? Like what?"

"Maybe... Some new clothes?" Celeste's eyes look over to my personal effects, it's honestly a rather small bag. "I mean, I checked and the only things you have in there is another officer's dress, some underwear, your sword, and a gun. Which is not much of a fashion accessory, and more to the point might be awkward to wear in public."

"I assumed I'd be leading an army for a little longer than a month... Besides, there's nothing wrong with the officer's dress, is there?"

"I never said there was! But... While you're in town, maybe you might like to try something new! I think a color other than blue might be kind to you. Maybe something green?"

"... I'll think about it." I slowly rise to my feet, and Celeste plays with my hair just a little bit, fussing over me before I can slip away, blushing. "I... I uhhh-"

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself. They are quite lovely curls, Serena."

A noise escapes my throat. I can't quite tell what the noise is, but it’s high-pitched and a little bit desperate. I make my retreat from the house, trying my best not to make it a full rout... And I seem to have left my sword and gun behind. I feel naked without having steel at my hip, it feels wrong to not be prepared for a fight at a moment's notice. I take deep breaths as I wander down the street, I am for the first time in a month not in enemy territory. I am home, this is supposed to be home, I shouldn't need to kill literally anyone today! I just need to be calm.

I manage to make my way to Triumph Square, and find that Celeste was not exaggerating when she said I could find anything here. Produce and food stalls stood next to jewelers and clothiers. Even painters are selling their wares in this sea of commerce. It’s loud, it’s full of people, normal people going about their normal days under the watchful eye of a great clock tower. One which would be a good place for a sharpshooter... Come to think of it, there are five entrances to this plaza, five possible angles of attack, this is an entirely indefensible location! ... To go shopping in…

I feel incredibly alone in this utterly indefensible market. Usually I'd have thousands of men at my disposal... No, I know I'm not missing that part, the spending of flesh and the disapproving stares of undisciplined soldiers... If this were a battlefield I'd have Pasche, Xena, and Katarina. Maybe I don't deserve them, after my castigation, after my failures, after my dreams. Maybe it's best I don't have them with me, they should be spared the horror of being made part of my goddess' monster.

"Serena!" Before I can finish wallowing in my sudden melancholy, I have some very familiar arms around me, squeezing me tight.

"Pasche?!" I can recognise her by the feel of her cuirass even before I turn to face her... She looks different with longer hair. "What the heck are you doing here?! ... You didn't get dismissed, did you? Did something go wrong with the Army of the East in my absence? Oh gods, are we going to be invaded-"

She simply squeezes me tighter and shakes me just a little bit. "Serena, I just took some leave, that's all. We're fine! The new commander was perfectly happy to let me take some time off, said you could probably use a friend or two in Alesia right now."

"... So, the front is okay? The Marshal said-"

"We're okay, Serena. You smashed the Coalition's forces in the Battle of Alsace, there's talk the new commander might even be advancing soon, albeit with a little more caution. You did it, you saved Avernia."

"I-"

"Saved Avernia, yes! I will not allow anything different to come out of your mouth, Serena!"

"... I think we might be making a scene, Pasche."

I only realize it now, but it seems being hugged and shaken by a cuirassier in one of the most public places in Alesia is liable to turn some heads. I hear people talking... But I suppose I am an enemy of the press, some people have learned to think I'm a coward.

And I remember I'm a threat, in a lot of ways to poor Pasche. "Pasche... I appreciate you coming to see me, but... Are you sure you want to be seen with me? I mean, the press-"

"You mean those-"

"Overstuffed men in their overstuffed chairs with their overstuffed ink pots?"

"... I was going to say 'useless pricks' but yours sounds a lot more poetic."

I wince at the vulgarity, this truly is Pasche in my arms. "It’s also a lot less original... But still, you might get hurt-"

"I simply do not care... I'm your knight, putting myself in danger for you is a given!"

"Please don't get shot again while we're in Alesia!"

"... I would like to promise that. I truly would-"

I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her, awkward as it is with her steel attire. "Actually, promise me you're never getting shot again or I'm not letting go! You slipped out of promising me in Alsace, promise me-"

"Fine, fine... I promise... You uhhh, don't have to let go though-"

"Pasche, you are wearing metal."

"Oh right... I don't really have any other clothes."

"Nor do I! ... We're very weird girls, aren't we, Pasche?"

"I've seen what passes for normal and I'm not sure I'd be okay with that."

"Good girl. Normal is boring." ... Another familiar voice, did Xena follow me here too?

When I turn to look, I find Xena and Katarina approaching the pair of us. And if Pasche and I's public little affections drew heads, the semi-naked bear woman who brought a halberd to the market was practically a celebrity. A very scary celebrity... How did everyone find me?

"Xena? Katarina?! What are you doing here?!" Pasche doesn't quite let me go, but I can at least turn my head to face the pair of them.

Xena gives the impression a smug smile without moving her mouth, somehow. "Serena, I told you, I find you fascinating... Besides, I could hardly administer Pasche's treatments from over a hundred miles away, the moment she went riding off after you I had to follow."

"And Katarina?"

"Who do you think carried me to Alesia?"

"... How is she a human being?"

Xena walks over and tentatively flicks me in the head, conflicted by the action. "No, bad. Being mean is boring."

Katarina also walks... Well, bounds over, and offers me her hand to shake, a few Avernian words legible through a bunch of German. "You paid. Follow you.”

I suddenly feel less vulnerable for not having a weapon, though I am now considerably more worried about the prospect of a bloodbath in a public place... No, Katarina and her followers are nice enough sorts, just because they eat people doesn't make them savages! ... I should probably at least ask where her people are, just in case Auguste starts seeing news stories in the paper.

"... And your troops?" As I shake Katarina’s hand I give Xena a look, and for once she actually deigns to act as a translator for the two of us.

"Here. Resting. Guarding." She points out a few people in the crowd, people dressed as butchers... I appear to have a security detail straight out of a nightmare.

"I see..." I look around at the people who have somehow become my friends... And I smile, because I'm not in this indefensible market alone. "... I don't suppose you would all be interested in teaching me how to shop for groceries? Because I'll be honest, I have literally never done it before."

Pasche nervously coughs, slowly releasing me from her grasp. "I uhhh... I maybe sorta also haven't ever done it either. I'll happily accompany you! But I won't be much help."

Xena gives something of an amused snort, patting me on the head. "Good girl, asking for help when you need it... I also have never once gone grocery shopping, but it might be a good opportunity to find some reagents I need."

I look to Katarina, who smiles her dopey smile at me. She probably has no idea what I just asked, but I can already guess the answer. I doubt the bear-wearing cannibal is much for domestic life... But it hardly matters, at least I'll have company. We'll figure it out together! And I somehow doubt that anyone would dare try to fleece me when I have a seven-foot-tall, halberd-wielding escort. Maybe this will all go well.

... My optimism survived just long enough to see Her Highness come into the square, flanked by guards and looking nervous... Somehow, I doubt she was one for grocery shopping either.