I blink. I rub my eyes. And Theophania is still sitting on my bed, looking up at me with loving, but increasingly confused eyes. As if I’m the odd one here, when I am merely drunk for the first time in my life and barely holding myself together.

"Umm, Sir Serena... Is everything okay?" Theophania's eyes carry her concern, but can't hide the feeling of 'opportunity'. "Is there something your Princess Theophania can help you with?"

"Why are... Why are you on my bed?"

"Oh! Well..." Theophania's smile has a nervous quality about it, her eyes quickly find the floor. "The Palace just doesn't feel especially safe anymore. Not after what happened in the Glass Garden, and... With the arrest of my Dad. There aren't that many guards left, and everyone hates us more than ever. It wouldn't be hard to just... Y'know... Again."

She has a point, the Palace has proven woefully ineffective in keeping its occupants safe from the people of Avernia... Or from me. So perhaps it makes sense for her to be anywhere except there, at least then she won't be found as easily... Her Majesty will be found without me, she’s at risk... If I squint, Theophania looks exactly like Her Majesty. I can almost pretend she really has come with me, that I really can keep her safe... I make every effort not to squint.

"So I came to you!" There’s a desperation behind Theophania's voice, like she’s papering over something with fantasy. "Since you always keep me safe! You always come to the rescue, you always protect me. If I can't be at home then I should be with you, right? My brave and noble knight?"

It... Also makes sense. Constant and distressing blasphemy aside, I have saved this woman twice, and she clearly trusts me with a third time. And a fourth. And a fifth, and a sixth, and something tells me there will be a lot of rescuing in our shared future. And I swore an oath.. One I'd like to keep, but-

"Sir Serena... Please say something..."

I'm lost in thought again. I wonder if the alcohol makes that worse somehow. It makes all of my other problems worse, it makes sense that it would make this one worse too-

I shake my head to get off of this new tangent, I need to say something! "Uh... Umm... How did you get on my bed?"

She looks up, beaming rather proudly. "Oh, this? I just wore my most modest dress, put on a shawl to hide my hair, and wandered the streets pretending to be a commoner! From there I asked a nearby painter to loan me their ladder. He was skeptical, until I told him it was for love!"

Theophania gestures to the humble, checker-patterned shawl on the ground, and it slowly dawns on me that she isn't dressed like a princess at all. She's dressed like... Anyone. She's dressed normally. And my useless drunk self didn't even notice! ... I’m too focused on the parts that look like Her Majesty. Too focused on Katje... I slap myself. I can’t be thinking about this now! Theophania looks dreadfully confused...

But I manage to allay her concerns with a smile. "That was very clever of you, Princess Theophania... But, why was it necessary to greet me unannounced, in my bedroom?"

"To make it more romantic! ... And because I didn't want to ask the Rosiertes for permission. I don't think they like me."

"That might be true... But, they like me well enough that they'd probably put up with you visiting... I think."

"They're with The Convention. I don't know if I can really trust people like that. Especially now-"

"They're good people!" ... Good people who might get dragged through the mud for harboring a princess, good people who got in enough trouble trying to house a wayward General. "... But you may have made the correct call regardless. The Convention doesn't treat them well either."

"... Why not?"

"Because they're trying to make The Convention better..."

There's a moment of silence for a while. Princess Theophania clearly didn't come to speak politics, and I don't precisely have the brain for it, even when I’m sober. It’s awkward for a moment... Before Princess Theophania leans forward, grabs my hand, and pulls me onto the bed beside her. I am very pliable... And very loud, squealing as I fall forward onto the soft mattress, and producing a smaller yelp once I realize that Theophania put my head on her lap.

"Hehe, I've never read a story about a knight who makes noises like that." She's giggling, she's patting my head... She's running her thumb over the back of my hand, not letting go. "I feel like I've been missing out."

"I guess most authors are cowards." I adjust myself in my princess' lap, speaking into her thighs both isn't very effective and is honestly more than a little... Awkward. "Maybe you should write your own one day."

"I uhhh... I've actually been working on a little something like that, but-"

There's a sharp knock on the door, and Auguste's voice comes muffled from the other side. "Serena?! I heard a scream! Is everything okay?"

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

I audibly swallow. How do I even begin to explain this?! I can't lie to save my life, and I sure as hell can't tell the truth! I'm trapped. Oh gods, I'm trapped, and Princess Theophania is going to be caught, and another beautiful woman I love is going to die and-

"Ah! Sorry! I may've gone a little overboard with your girl here!" Princess Theophania... Is putting on the most absurd 'poverty' voice I have ever heard. "Uhhh, you probably don't wanna come in, mister... Sir."

I can almost hear Auguste blinking on the other end of the door, shocked into inaction. "... Se- Serena. Are you okay?"

I nod, and then realize he can't see that and I have to use my words. "I... I'm fine! I'm ummm... I'm very okay?"

"... I see... Have a good night then, Serena."

I hear footsteps heading away from the door, which quickly disappear as Auguste heads downstairs. And Theophania giggles, pulling me up and falling backwards herself, pulling me atop her. "Hehe, didn't expect me to be able to do voices, did you? I'm a princess of many talents."

That was admittedly a surprise, but I must confess I’m more focused on my body draped over hers... And the dawning implications of her cover story. "You certainly are... That was-"

"Pretty good, right? See, I'm sure I can stay! I just have to keep pretending!" She squeezes my hand, she still hasn't let go. "Of course, I won't stop being your princess just because I'm pretending to be a commoner. Princesses pretending to be commoners is actually a rich tradition in the writing of fairy tales! It's often used to let a princess slip away from the obligations of the royal court, so they can have liaisons with their knight. I think the best example of this actually might be-"

Theophania goes off on a breathless tirade, talking about some tale of heroism that is clearly dear to her. A simple, easy, not-at-all-complicated tale. One so very unlike our little... 'Courtship'. Oh gods, I've not only hurt Her Majesty, blasphemed against her... I'm doing the same to her daughter too. I almost wish I could go away, just disappear and stop hurting everyone with my shameful mistakes.

... I'm being sent to Samnia tomorrow, aren't I? Surely that fulfills all my 'almost' wishes... But somehow, the prospect of leaving Theophania to the people of Avernia feels too sad a possibility to bear.

I... I want to take her with me. Even if it's the wrong thing to do. Even if it makes me a bad person, I don't want to leave her alone.

"And then she kisses her princess- Sorry, 'he' kisses her princess' hand, and-"

"Theophania..." Damnit, I forgot the proper term of address. "Princess Theophania... I'm being sent to Samnia tomorrow."

This stops Theophania in her tracks... Her heart is beating so much faster now, I've gone and spooked the girl. "You're leaving? You're going to leave me again?"

If I were a good person, I would... "I can't take the Princess of Avernia with me to an actual warzone. The Convention wouldn't allow it, and High Command is practically in their pocket now..."

Princess Theophania looks like she's just been stabbed... She looks like Her Majesty, pushing me away from her, unable to maintain her stern expression... I can't stand this. I can't bear this. I can't bear making a woman this beautiful so sad again! I don't care if it makes me bad, I have to make her happy again somehow. I have to make this sadness stop!

... I have an incredibly stupid idea. "... But... I could bring a staff member, someone who works for me. I could... Bring a friend."

Something about the word 'friend' seems to cause her a sting, before she realizes what I'm saying "Wait... You mean, you'd take me to Samnia with you? In disguise... So you can keep me safe!"

Her sudden switch to enthusiasm has me on the backfoot again, and leaves me wondering if this beautiful woman has a few important screws loose. "Well, as safe as you can be on a battlefield... I'd just need to find something for you to pretend to be for me. Some job you could do!"

"Ah..." She seems lost for a minute, before giving an utterly unconvincing smile. "I'll... I'll do anything you think I can do, Sir Serena!"

I feel almost bad, consigning this woman to some dull military function. To valet service, or whatever else I could find for her. They seem like tasks unbecoming of a princess, especially a story-obsessed princess- Wait.

"Publicist." I'm smiling, I think I've discovered something perfect. "You will accompany me to Samnia, as my publicist."

"... Why does a general need a publicist?"

"Because other generals have three, and the world is a very stupid place." One which appreciates vanity more than it does bravery... "And because I need you."

"You... You need me?"

"Princess, I can't tell a lie to save my life. I can't write a story, I can't spin a tale. But you... You've read all the tales. You seem to know how they work! And... Well..."

"I can lie?"

"You lied to Auguste less than five minutes ago! And he bought it well enough! As someone who struggles with it so much, your ability is nothing short of miraculous!"

"We- Well..." Is she blushing? "I... I mean, if you really do need me then..."

"Then it's settled!"

I hold Theophania tightly, I just can't help it! Maybe I'm a bad girl, maybe I'm doing a bad thing, but I can save at least one of the people I made an oath to! ... I failed Her Majesty, I am a failure... But at least I can do this for her daughter. For my princess... Who looks just like her. And will now be in close proximity for an entire military campaign... I think I may have just built the perfect mechanism to poke my bleeding wounds forever. Why am I such an idiot? ... Why is loving others just so hard?

Princess Theophania is determined to make it harder, leaning up and kissing me. She's getting better at it. She's still not great, she's clumsy and overly enthusiastic, but she's getting better. At least I don't have a tongue trying to pierce my throat this time. I close my eyes, I can't look at her kissing me and not think about Her Majesty... Only, closing my eyes only makes things worse. I'm focused on her scent, on the wonderful feeling of being pressed against her, on her warmth... Disgraceful... I need to stop this.

Only, my limbs are very comfortable not doing anything. And, my eyes are very comfortable remaining closed. And, my mouth is very comfortable not trying to speak. And my head is very comfortable not thinking about this anymore.

"Sir Serena?" I can barely hear her, she's as close as she could be and yet she sounds so distant. "... She looks so cute when she's sleeping.