Sprinting the entire way up the hill to the Royal Palace of Avernia is an incredibly stupid thing to do. But I do it anyway, leaving confused Alesians and near misses with fruit carts in my wake. I wonder if this will end up in a newspaper somewhere. 'Local General goes crazy, commits high treason, steals queen.'... But I don't care. The people of Alesia, their newspapers, their confused looks at a girl trying to save a life, their violence and their weakness, all these things are a threat to Her Majesty. And I can no longer wait for the world to change, and for them to change with it. Her Majesty simply doesn’t have that kind of time.

… I'm leaving Auguste and his mission behind, aren't I? Even if I could convince Pasche, Xena and Katarina to cut and run with me, even if I keep being Princess Theophania's knight forever... I'm still abandoning Auguste. And Celeste…

I've caused them enough pain, maybe abandonment is the best penance I can offer them.

Approaching the old, white stone walls of the Palace, something occurs to me. The Royal Guard, whatever's left of them, are unlikely to be pleased to see me. Given the storming, the High King-napping, and failing to save their Princess-protecting comrades from the Wolfman in Triumph Square, I wouldn't be surprised if they had words for me. Very loud words. Mercifully, for all the same reasons the Guard might take issue with me, there aren't many of them left to actually catch me. I take deep breaths, panting like a lunatic is probably a good way of getting caught quick. This has to be perfect…

Most of the Guards outside are watching the still broken gate, so the best solution is to climb the walls. I try my best to scramble up them... And it seems that walls are designed very specifically to prevent this kind of thing. Sheer, no handholds, even though I’ve mostly recovered from my wounds these walls are simply impossible to climb! However, I notice something odd as I make my absurd scaling attempt. The walls feel... Very weak. I decide to play a hunch. I draw my sword and start trying to chisel a way through. The old walls of the Palace have long since lost their firmness, they crumble under the pressure of sharp steel, wielded with purpose.

In no time at all I've carved a perfectly serviceable hole in the wall and can crawl my way into the garden... It seems the full-length windows that lead into the Glass Garden haven't been replaced, they’re simply covered by wooden boards. This building has seen better days... It’s hard to see it in the same sublime light when it’s so scarred. Well, the guards aren’t patrolling the unbroken windows, so there's my entrance. I smash the glass as quietly as I can and slip in, trying not to cut myself on any shards. It feels almost profane, until I remember that Her Majesty and I are leaving this place behind, we’re never seeing this place again. So it hardly matters what happens to it, right?

"This place could never contain the sheer majesty of... Her Majesty."

Awkwardly shuffling through the Palace, trying to dodge servants and guards, I can't help but notice the barely cleaned, barely fixed consequences of the storming. I swear there are flowerpots here that weren't here before, filled with red poppies... Many of the paintings lining the walls have been defaced or stolen, there is still broken glass on the floor from broken chandeliers, the entire place still smells faintly of rust and sweat... This building might never recover from my handful of visits, forever tied to the world of violence.

I press on, trying to banish any other thoughts from my mind. Of the people who were killed, the things that were destroyed, the monsters that were born. I manage to sneak my way to the Queen’s Chambers... But I am left with a problem. There is a guard outside the door, doing a very good job of keeping Her Majesty safe from the one person who has a plan to keep her safe…

I'll make it quick. I draw my sword; I take two silent steps... And then three very loud ones as I rush him. He only barely manages to turn around in time, there is nothing he can do to protect himself from me.

I hit him with the hilt, hard. I'm hardly the strongest woman in the world, but with the element of surprise and a good hit to the temple I am able to knock the man unconscious... A riskier move but killing him would be... Well, it will likely displease Her Majesty, and that simply will not do.

I walk over the limp body of the guard and open the door to the Queen's chambers... And find her sitting on her bed, eyes drifting over to me. Eyes full of resignation. "I know what you're thinking, and I cannot run away with you, Serena."

I sheathe my sword, and this time I do in fact run to her side, showing no care to what is proper. She stands, meeting me a few steps away from her bed... And in this moment, I can’t see Her Majesty anymore. I see the Queen Consort of a dead High King, a scared woman named Katje. One who I have sat with, one who I had danced with… One I like very much… She's slightly taller than me, I never noticed it before.

But that's not what I'm here for… I’m here to save Her Majesty! "Your Majesty, The Convention is drafting plans to frame you for treason and have you sacrificed! We have to go; Alesia simply isn't safe for you anymore!"

"Would the road be safe for you, Serena?" Katje… Her Majesty's voice reminds me very much of Theophania's dead tones from our first meeting... Like mother, like daughter. "If you're caught doing this, if we're even caught speaking, you could be thrown in the Groves too. Or shot, or killed in any number of ways… Even if you survive, you'll be ruined-"

"I don't care about any of that!" I stamp my foot; I already know these things! "I made an oath and I'm keeping it! I figured it out, I know I would happily die for you! No one will scare me away from this! Not when it's the only way."

"... I guess it really would be, wouldn't it? The whole of Lutice seems determined to see me die, just for being in the wrong place, at the wrong time... Where in the world would we even go, Serena?"

"There's a ship, in Burdigala, it was prepared to take your late husband, away from all this. It’s ready to sail to some plantation off the coast of the Leather Continent. We can take it! Surely we'll be safe across an ocean!"

"And you think we'll make it to Burdigala?"

"I will make sure of it! I may not be able to kill everyone in Alesia for you, but I can fight off our pursuers! ... And I happen to still have a battalion of mercenary cannibals who are still under contract with me, they'll go a long way in keeping us safe-"

"Serena!" Katje snaps her fingers in front of my face, as if trying to break me out of a trance. "... I won't leave my children behind."

"You don't have to! Princess Theophania would be happy to come along, and Charles-"

"Is the new High King of Avernia. Even if they might ignore me disappearing, they’ll at least pretend to care about their sovereign being kidnapped. You have to face facts, Serena... There's no hope here."

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"We have to try!"

This breaks her out of her stupor, suddenly filling her eyes with emotion… Violent, angry emotion. "You don't have to do anything! You are a popular general, you have friends in The Convention, you have a life to lead! I can't just take it from you!"

"It's you that gave me that life!" I... I'm raising my voice at Her Majesty! ... I'm screaming at Katje… "It was you that rescued me from what fate had in store for me, you who brought me here, you who kept me safe and sane through all of this! ... I can only be a monster because I can be your monster, your Majesty. I owe you everything, and I intend to pay you back in full!"

"Why?!" Katje looks about ready to start crying. "Anyone else would take what I have given them and run out the door! They would go enjoy the new life they were granted, and wouldn't think twice about the things that brought them there! I don't see any of the other Comrade Witches coming to my aid like this, no one else I've 'rescued' seems to care... So why did it have to be you who cares?! Why you?!"

... I've made her upset again. I really am an irredeemable sinner, a blasphemer without equal... She’s asked a question, and I have to answer it. Only, my lips refuse to form words.

My lips press themselves against Katje’s... And I swear, I feel her pressing back. There is the briefest of moments where this might stop, where I might restrain myself and go back to persuading Her Majesty to let me risk life and limb on the slimmest of chances of saving her.

That moment is over, I slip in my tongue. Katje accepts it into her mouth. At some point my eyes close, and yet I can see every inch of Katje in my mind. Because I've been here before, haven't I? In dreams, in thoughts... In feverish imaginings of Her Majesty. It feels like coming home, this is my normal. Her beautiful scent has become almost second nature to me, her warmth is my dearest and most constant companion. I... I never want to be anywhere else, ever again.

Metaphorically anyway. Spatially speaking I take a few steps, pressing Katje up against one of the walls in her chambers, kissing all the while. Her being slightly taller than me presents a challenge, but I was willing to kill for Her Majesty, I'm more than willing to walk on my tiptoes for Katje...

I wonder what she's thinking. This is my home, I've been here before, but this must be new to her. It's not as if she ever... Thought about me in this fashion, right?

Her hands slip into my uniform jacket, because they belong there. They brush over my body, curious, exploring... Clearly not quite knowing what they're doing. It's magical, but a little frustrating. All of my skin yearns for her touch, but some parts more than others... Her Majesty got it right when we danced in the Glass Garden, I am a very greedy girl.

The hands slip away from me for but a moment... A glorious, entrancing moment, as Katje slips her shoulders out of her dress and lets the top half of her garment slide down her form, exposing her chest to me... I feel dizzy. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I could violently die in the most painful fashion imaginable and I would still be focused entirely on Katje’s breasts. I simply can't help myself, I put my hands upon them. I hear a little moan from her upon contact, and my knees become weak. She's... She's melting under my touch. She wants this, she wants me! And she'll have me, she'll have as much of me as there is to give.

I slip my mouth away from hers, giving a few intense and passionate kisses to her neck, before my lips join my hands on Katje’s chest. The moans continue, louder now, encouraging and stimulating and yet with an innocent quality about them. She’s never made these noises before; she is not accustomed to this. And I will make her form a habit of it.

I remove my hands for a second, sliding my arms out of my uniform jacket and letting it fall to the floor. I won't be needing it any longer. I feel Katje’s fingers making an attempt on the buttons of my dress, provoking a very loud noise from me at the mere thought that she might see me without it. I love her. I love her I love her I love her I love her I love her-

"I love you." Katje slips off enough buttons to sneak a hand into my dress, gently brushing the back of it over my chest, because it belongs there.

"I love you." As she plays gently with one of my breasts, I slide a hand further down her form, down the length of her dress and between her legs.

"I love you." Even through her dress I can tell Katje is utterly soaked, and the merest touch stops her in place for a moment, giving her a shudder... Maybe I can't ever give her children, but I can give her this.

"I love you!" I can't help myself, I bite her beautiful pale skin, leaving a lovely red mark on one of her breasts... Renee taught me a great many things, and I intend to show Katje all of them.

"I love you!"

She pushes me away.

It takes an impossibly painful moment for me to process that there is now physical space between me and Katje. That I'm not longer touching her skin, that I am no longer feeling her warmth. That I am no longer home. I almost step to bridge that space again, but my legs simply will not obey me. It was Her Majesty who pushed me. My goddess pushed me away. I... I have done something wrong. Something very, very wrong.

"... General Pollineux, this… This is behavior unbecoming of an officer of the Avernian Army." She’s trying to be stern, a voice I’ve never heard from her before.

"I... What? Y... Your Majesty-"

"That is not the appropriate form of address... If you leave now, I am willing to overlook this breach of conduct, and allow you to return to your military career without incident. The guards will allow you to leave, and we will never speak of this again."

"... No..." Staying upright is no longer an option. I crumble, falling to my knees. "No..."

"If you will not leave of your own accord, I will have to call the guards to drag you out." She’s reached the limit of her ability to put on a stone face... She's struggling very hard, to reject me like this.

"No..." I hang my head in shame, what did I do? Where did I go wrong? Which blasphemy was it? "No, please..."

"General Pollineux-"

"No!" Please, please Your Majesty, call me by my name.

"... Guards!"

"Your Majesty, please! Don't do this!" The words are practically falling out of my mouth now, as the shock wears off and my body remembers how to scream. "The things I've done, they were all for you! The sacrifices, the battles, the people I've killed even in Alesia. The wounds I've taken, the danger I have put myself in, I could not do these things if they were not in service of you!"

"Guards!" Her voice breaks as she gives her command, tears are beginning to sneak into the corners of her eyes.

"Thousands... Thousands died to bring us this moment! To bring us a way that we could both live, that we could be together like this! Please. Please do not dismiss me! I couldn't bear that; I couldn't survive that!"

"... You have a world beyond me, one that wants you to live in it." A whisper... A sad little whisper.

And a lie, it’s nothing but a lie! "I don't live without you, Your Majesty! I can't! Not as the monster I've become! ... Please, tell me it wasn't all for nothing… Tell me that you want me by your side! … Say my name, I beg of you!"

The door opens and a pair of guards charge in, muskets at the ready and aimed at me... It feels appropriate that I should die like this, right now…

"Guards, take General Pollineux away from the Palace. Ensure she is not harmed in any fashion. And be discreet, no one is to know of her visit here. Do you understand?"

One of the guards approaches me, I hear their footsteps... But the other stays put and keeps his musket aimed and ready. "This scum doesn't deserve your mercy, your Grace... What did she do to your dress-"

"Never you mind what happened to my dress, just get her out of here!"

"... Yes, your Grace."

The second guard steps forward to help drag me from where I weep upon the floor. I can't even begin to stop them, there’s no strength in my limbs, no soul behind my flesh. I had left that at home, and now I am being dragged away from it, never to return. I've failed… I'd blasphemed…

I'd fallen in love with Katje, when I deserve nothing more than the privilege of worshiping Her Majesty.