"We lost everything?!"

Antoine was true to his word about reading Lazierte's reports, and Lazierte was true to her word about writing them. What I did not expect was for Antoine to bring those to the officer's mess, along with a giant map of The Kingdom of Samnia. I don't think I've seen him genuinely angry before, but the way he looks at Lazierte is nothing but malicious. It’s enough to make my stomach turn... Why is Lazierte so unaffected by it?

She's not even standing up to face my brother’s accusation, apparently it just isn’t worth it to her. "I was pushed back approximately 100 miles across Northern Samnia by an overwhelming Magyar force, while suffering minimal casualties and having been abandoned by my senior officer. If that's losing 'everything' then I'd like you to tell the living soldiers that they don't count."

"We’d almost killed them! We were perfectly poised to go for the Coalition army's throat!"

"And we were perfectly positioned to lose our hands in its mouth."

"I left you in command of the army in my absence because I trusted you, Lazierte! We could have won!"

"You could have won, Antoine."

Lazierte remains perfectly composed, as rigid as steel... I reach for her hand, more to comfort myself than to comfort her. She takes it without even looking, and I can feel no anxiety in her touch. She isn't just putting on a brave face, she’s genuinely relaxed, being yelled at by my brother. Is she simply used to this? ... Has she seen worse?

Antoine pinches the bridge of his nose, clearly unable to dispute this flattering comeback. "Regardless, we now have to conquer the entire Kingdom of Samnia all over again. From SCRATCH!"

"Think of it this way, General. We get to conquer the entire Kingdom of Samnia again. From scratch." Lazierte is barely cognizant of my hand on hers, she’s focused on this... Her ignorance of my presence is somehow harsher on me than Antoine's yelling. "Only this time we have experience on our side."

"Don't try to flatter me, Colonel Lazierte." Antoine is clearly very flattered, and more to the point a terrible liar. "... But I suppose you have a point. We know the country better, we know what we're doing better, and while the Coalition is likely to have taken the opportunity to reinforce this sector, this time we have two Pollineuxs! They won't know what hit them!"

"Y... Yes. This time we have Serena with us too." And with that, the steel is shattered, and I can feel Lazierte squeeze my hand for comfort, aware of me again. "We'll take it all back and then some. I'm sure we'll be in the Carpathian Basin within a year."

"See, that's the kind of ambition I appreciate in my officers!" Antoine's rage has entirely evaporated, you wouldn’t even believe him capable of it to see him now... Perhaps Lazierte doesn't fear his anger because he’s simply so easy to play. "... I certainly hope the rest of you have such lofty ambitions!"

He’s addressing every officer in the mess, but his eyes fall upon my companions, sitting with Lazierte and I. Companions who are not in fact officers but simply will not leave my side, despite the awkwardness of current circumstances and the life-threatening danger. I think Antoine is testing the suitability of my friends, and clearly the most suitable friends are the ones who will conquer the world with you. One Empire at a time.

Xena shrugs off the invective, clearly ambivalent about world domination. Katarina doesn't understand a word, but she appreciates the enthusiasm. Pasche is staring at Lazierte and I, the world far from her mind. Only Theophania really takes it on board, and is nervously playing with her fingers, grappling with the enormity of the task.

"I guess it would make for a good story..." I can't blame her for her nervousness, peak Antoine is something that could be difficult to grapple with. "La'an's biggest empire conquered by pair of Pollineuxs."

I'm glad someone can be excited by it... We’re going to war again. I'll have to be better this time, because this time I’m going to have to keep up with Antoine. I'll have no margin for error, for the errors that are inherent to me... I can't make the mistake of being Serena Pollineux on this battlefield. I squeeze Lazierte's hand twice, things are not alright. Lazierte is here, Pasche and Xena and Katarina and Theophania are here. I win, or everyone I love and care about will die.

I will have to be a monster again.

I realize I've gotten so lost in thought that I've missed the rest of Antoine's impromptu hype session. People are eating again. People who aren't Lazierte and I are eating again, I’m spacing out and Lazierte is down a hand. And I'm not certain I'll give it back so she could eat. I want to keep it. I want to keep her.

I let go, the poor girl needs every bit of food she can get. "S... Sorry, Lazierte. I'll let you eat."

Lazierte looks down at my hand, the one that had just been in hers... And she takes it back, giving a squeeze. "The food'll be warm a little while longer still. It's okay."

… My heart flutters ever so slightly...

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

Lazierte looks so vulnerable and unsure when she can see that I'm near, a dramatic change from the discipline she’s clearly capable of. Is this what the late Marshal was talking about? Am I weakening her? ... I cannot allow this. Lazierte deserves to live, and Serena Pollineux is ruining her chances. A monster can protect her, she must come to see me as a monster. That is the only way I can protect her, I have to start by protecting her from myself... I let Lazierte’s hand go again and try to focus on my own meal, and leave her to hers… It hurts. I feel her warmth fading against my skin and it hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts… But it hurts for her. So it is right that it should hurt.

Back in Alesia, I would have prayed to Her Majesty. Now all I have to pray to is my own self-loathing.

"A monster wouldn't care about these things."

Dinner wraps up mercifully quickly after that, but before I can leave Antoine takes the stage again. He had been spending much of his meal staring at the map, barely giving his food any attention so he could plot military maneuvers. It’s honestly quite stunning, it's like he’s a reverse Malmo.

And it seems he's formed a plan while the rest of us ate. "Right. Our first objective has to be to split the Magyar forces in two. If they've been on the offensive since I took my leave then they're likely over-extended, and pushing through the middle will threaten their entire army with being cut-off from supply. They'll withdraw, and we can retake the initiative! ... To this end, I believe the city of Medhelanon will be a most useful target to aim for. It sits in the middle of their lines, is in a vital strategic position in the Po River Valley, and will be a fantastic prize to win for our first victory in the new campaign!"

The officers around us cheer in agreement, not even a little displeased to be kept here after dinner, hanging on his every word. I wonder if any of them ever disagree with Antoine. I wonder if they’re ever right.

"Good headlines back home, good morale for the troops here. And a good potential capital for the Republic of Samnia we shall build when all this is said and done!" Republic of Samnia? The Convention had made no mention of that... "And, of course, I must remind you all that we are here as LIBERATORS. Both from the Magyar aggression, and the corrupt and decrepit monarchy of Samnia itself. Which means we are to treat these people with respect and dignity! No aggression, no public debauchery, and absolutely no looting! Do I make myself clear?!"

The mere mention of looting panics some of the officers, visibly shrinking in their chairs and nervously talking amongst one another. Some give Lazierte nervous glances, others look more hopefully at Antoine... I know looting is a time honored tradition of any army, difficult to stamp out, but this fearful reaction to the order is beyond excessive. Lazierte is steel again for a moment, she can clearly feel the eyes on her and is trying her best to feel nothing. There's a story here, isn't there? … I want to hold her. I can’t allow myself to hold her.

"Right! I'm glad we all understand." Antoine himself looks surprised by the reception to his order, but if he were the kind of man to miss a beat he wouldn't be Antoine Pollineux. "Alright, pass the order on to your men, we move out tomorrow at noon."

Tomorrow? We just got here! The men just finished a month's long march, did Antoine really expect them to march another week to Medhelanon immediately? His officers are entirely on board, not a single one of them is going to contradict the word of my brother.

None except Lazierte, who gets to her feet this time to question Antoine directly. "General Pollineux-"

"Antoine, please."

"... Antoine, your forces did just complete a march all the way from the mustering grounds in Alesia. Do you really think sending them on another march this quickly is prudent?"

"Colonel Lazierte, we do not have the luxury of prudence. The Magyar armies are going to converge on this location, moving in from all directions to attempt to surround us and to attack on a wide front. This is the only time they will be vulnerable! If we allow them to coalesce on this location we will be pinned down, we will be outnumbered, and we will be destroyed. Move fast or die, that is our motto here."

"You sound more like a cheetah than a lion." Lazierte regards Antoine's theatrics with little respect and less patience. "Wouldn't we have a better chance fighting the Magyars defensively in any case? Genoa is well fortified, and it's not as if the Magyars can simply bypass it-"

"To fight on the defense is the most egregious of errors, Colonel!" Antoine leans forward awkwardly to slam his fist upon the dining table, in a way that doesn’t come across as natural or comfortable. "To fight defensively is to surrender all ability to maneuver in the face of the enemy, to see their formations and attack their weak points, to adjust your position. The biggest advantage we have as an army is the size of the country, it has a great deal of space for redeployment. When you pin yourself to a tiny section of it, you make yourself vulnerable! And you make yourself an obvious target, which bolsters the enemy's confidence! ... We must be swift and unknowable, Colonel Lazierte. And sometimes that means imprudence."

"Try explaining that to the men's blistered feet, Antoine."

"I'm sure the men would prefer decisive command to comfortable command, Lazierte."

Lazierte slowly sits back down again, though it’s more a strategic withdrawal than an outright rout. Those words are familiar, I had rebuked Malmo in much the same way, hadn't I? And yet I had made the mistake of trying to defend Alsace with traps and trenches. I should have ambushed the enemy in the woods, I should have killed them before they had a chance to organize. I could have saved so many lives! ... That is how a monster fights, how to be an ambush predator. Yes... We will begin the march tomorrow. It’s the decisive thing to do. It will save lives… It might save my friends’ lives.

"Sorry, Serena..." Lazierte whispers to me gently, leaning into my shoulder. "I had hoped to buy you some time off your feet."

Her objection was for my sake? … She’d make bad military decisions for my sake… "It's okay. We'll have plenty of time to be off our feet once we conquer the Kingdom of Samnia, right?"

"Hehe... Right..."

The officers disperse, they have to see to their men and deliver the bad news. Lazierte and I get to our feet together, but we will soon be splitting up again. My little band of friends rise to join me, ready to deliver the bad news with me. Lazierte gives me one last little look as she makes her way to perform her duty… She’ll be alone in her tent tonight, alone in her bed, missing me. And as easy as it would be to join her, to be as we were back home… I can’t. I can’t endanger her like that… And all I’d be doing is ruining her time with Her Majesty.

She deserves to be with Her Majesty. And Her Majesty deserves her more than I do.