The rest of the retreat was something of a blur, time died when Lazierte did and it made it impossible to keep track of what happened. We escaped, with Anastasia as our remarkably willing prisoner, and with the army almost entirely intact. When the Magyars attempted to prevent our retreat with a charge from their cavalry Mademoiselle Siobhan forced the Icenian army to open fire upon them, sending them away with heavy casualties. I was dragged away on a stretcher by Pasche and Xena, while Anastasia remained at my side the entire time. Theophania was similarly carried away on a stretcher, she apparently isn't quite accustomed to military life just yet and her charge took a lot out of her. Poor girl.

And now we have set up camp, trying to give the troops even a moment of respite before we need to get moving again. It’s now our job to play a very dangerous game. We need to remain out of the reach of the Magyars, but also within their sight. Tempt them with the prospect of catching up to us. Honestly, it’s hard to have much motivation to run. To flee in the face of Lazierte's killers is more than my heart could bear. I haven't quite felt whole since I saw the place where the 505th used to be. Some part of me is stuck back there, back then, staring at where Lazierte should have stood.

My little retinue of loved ones is interrogating Mademoiselle Delphine, and while I am present for it... I’m not. Pasche has questions about troop numbers and force disposition, Xena has questions about their coordination with the Magyars, Theophania is asking personal questions, conducting an interview on the villain I heroically captured... I have only one question.

"Why?"

Anastasia has been content to answer my friends' questions, but she struggles with mine. "... Why what, Miss Serena?"

I don't have an answer for her, I simply rise to my feet and drag myself out of the room, aimlessly wandering the camp. Eventually I find myself in a tent, with a familiar scent. It’s Lazierte's tent, with Lazierte's bed, and Lazierte's portrait of Her Majesty… And Lazierte's writing desk. With a letter sitting prominently atop the other documents. The one she had been reading before...

It’s perhaps disrespectful to the dead to read her mail but, she started acting so oddly after reading this letter. I have to read it.

"My dearest, my darling, my Serena.I am sorry I pushed you away. I should not have pushed you away. I wanted to save you from me, wanted to spare you from me, but I have figured it out now. I know what I must do. I know how we can be together, and I shall make it happen. Forgive me. Return to me. I shall deliver you the entire world, every single thing in it. Including me. All of me. Forever.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Eternally yours, as you are eternally mine.

Katje."

…

I tear the letter in half. Then into quarters. I drop those quarters upon the ground and draw my sword, ready to slash and stab it into further pieces, before my eyes catch a glimpse of the painting of Her Majesty... The thing that kept me from Lazierte's bed, the thing that had torn us apart. She... Katje dared to love me still? She dared to try to take me back, when Lazierte clearly loved her so? When Lazierte deserved her so much more than me?! She... She did this! Her Majesty did this! It wasn't my fault, I did not fail to keep Lazierte safe, it was all Her Majesty! I slash at the painting, sharpened steel cutting through frame and canvas alike as easily as cutting through flesh.

"You did this. You did this! You did this!" I am screaming, I have entirely returned to the world again now. "You killed her! Murderer! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"

My wrist is caught by someone's hand, and in my rage I turn to strike whoever did so... Only to Mademoiselle Delphine, who offers me a serene smile. I shake, for my prisoner to have seen me in such a state is beyond shameful. Slowly, gently, she lets my wrist go and instead puts her hand on mine, coaxing me into letting go of the sword. I do so, gently lowering it to the ground, which gives me a good view of just how badly I have savaged the image of Her Majesty. It’s just tatters now, fit for nothing but kindling. Mademoiselle Delphine behind me gives an affirmative little hum, one which fills me with an inexplicable warmth, before further coaxing me to Lazierte's bed, gently dragging a finger along my form on her own way to sit on it.

I almost follow, but I remember what Xena had said about the sheer ease of brainwashing me, and decide it’s best to stand on my own two feet, no matter how much my body wants to follow. It pains me to disobey.

Mademoiselle Delphine doesn’t look especially upset or offended by my refusal to comply, she remains just as dissonantly happy as she had been since I tackled her off a horse and into the dirt and mud of a Samnian mountain valley. I wonder if she’s perhaps just a little insane…

Which would put her in good company, especially now that I am completely myself again. "Mademoiselle Delphine, what are you doing here-"

"Ana, please." Her smile is warm and inviting, it feels just the same as her finger running over me, urging me closer. "You're with your rival here, it would simply be abominable for us not to be friendly with one another."

Perhaps more than a little insane, and worse is the fact that she makes perfect sense to me. "... Ana. What are you doing here?"

"You ran off from my interrogation before I could answer your question, so I went after you." Mademoiselle- Ana, keeps her attention solely on me, studying me closely, and always with a smile. "It seemed unfair of me, so I thought I would come to answer it."

"I'm not quite sure what I was thinking when I said it." It’s an embarrassing admission, and it’s hard to face such a confident and interested stare. "I don't think I was thinking at all when I said it, Ana."

"It was important enough for you to ask without thinking. That means it's important. So, I guess I'll simply have to keep answering whatever the question could mean, until you have the answer you need." Still smiling, she pats the bed next to her with absolute gentleness, a gesture that I swear I feel in my legs. "You may want to get comfortable. We might be at this for a while, and I will give you however long of my time it takes."

The urge to join her has become unbearable, eventually pulling me to sit by her side... I didn’t notice back when I had a sword to Ana’s throat, but her eyes are purple, and looking into them fills my stomach with butterflies. Seeing her long blonde hair makes my fingers twitch as they beg to run through her locks. Her lips make me feel small, incomplete even, and needing her kiss to be whole.

This woman is absolutely terrifying.

"I guess the first 'why' I should answer is why I knew where to ambush you. You needn't worry about traitors or spies within your ranks, I have no need of them." Her chuckle gives the impression of a warm spring breeze, and leaves me wondering if she always smelled of lavender and strawberries. "I am a witch, as you are likely aware. And my magic subjects me to glimpses of the future. I saw you and your Avernian Army in that valley, and I acted accordingly."

Being lost in the sensations of listening to her, I almost don't process that it is possible to see the future. Almost. But as what Ana said finally penetrates my poor attention span I recoil, utterly horrified.

Ana turns her head, her smile twinged with concern for me. I salivate a little, seeing her smile like that, feeling something sweet fail to exist on my tongue. "Hehe, I must confess, I have yet to get such a reaction from me revealing my power. Most people simply just run with it."

"I... But how?!" It’s hard to grapple with both this new knowledge and basic decorum at the same time, so I leave decorum behind. "I... I mean. If you can see the future, does that mean it's pre-ordained? That it can never be changed? Or is it a glimpse of a possible future that will come to be without intervention to prevent it? Or-"

"Hehehe, I'm going to stop you there, Serena." Ana is amused, and looks genuinely a little flattered by my manic speculation about her magic. "Because I have no idea what my power implies about the future. I don't even know how my power works, magic hardly comes with an instruction manual after all."

She’s entirely correct on that, magic is so often confusing and obtuse. Thank the gods my power is at least somewhat understandable and straightforward, at least enough that I can make practical use of it. Wait, didn't she imply something before, explaining how it works?

"... Ana, you said you were 'subjected' to these glimpses of the future. Do you not control what you see?"

"Hehe, I'm afraid I do not. Nor do I know who or what controls the things I glimpse." There is a brief break in her armor, the teensiest little waver in her composure.

"I would like to thank whatever brings these visions to me someday however. They have been very important to me, and have never been wrong yet."

... She is much better at lying than I am, good enough that I almost believe her despite the odd taste in my mouth. "What important things have you seen then, Ana? What things are you thankful for?"

She hesitates a moment, the sight of which gives me goosebumps, which remain even when she gets her usual serene smile back. "Siobhan. As a child I had a vision of a small girl, locked alone in a barn. A barn full of smoke. A barn that was near my parents' estate. I ran to it, and lo and behold I found that barn was on fire, with the door barred from the outside. I unbarred the door and rushed in to rescue the girl... That girl was Siobhan. And I decided I would keep her close to me from then on. And have her parents arrested for attempted murder."

"They locked their own daughter to burn alive in a barn? Why?!"

If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

"They thought a local village girl who was sweet on their son and heir was a creature of Velvet, and were sacrificing their daughter to Velvet to beg her to tell that monster to leave... We managed to prove the village girl's human-ness in a court of law and thus it was not ruled a legitimate sacrifice. They both died being sacrificed to Steel, and I suddenly had a Siobhan on a more permanent basis."

"... I swear, I hate the gods sometimes."

"It's hard not to... Or the humans who do their bidding."

We are quiet for a moment after that, a companionable quiet that feels like a cold night with a warm blanket. Which I quickly ruin by realizing something incredibly important. "Hang on a second! If your future sight was such a good and useful thing, how did you not see me capturing you in your future? Surely any useful being would want to give you some advance warning on that!"

This amuses Ana to no end, her genuinely laughing in a way she clearly never intended to, finding my antics too amusing to stick to her usual script. "Hahahahahaha! That, Serena, is one of the reasons I would have to thank the monster that chooses what I see! Hehehe, I always catch glimpses of where you will be, of where to find you, but I never get any impression of what you will do when I ambush you! I must confess, I love it when you surprise me, and I would hate any power that would rob me of that."

"Ah..." I’m blushing, why am I blushing? "... Do you... Get a lot of glimpses of me?"

"A fair few. Of your triumphs, of your failures... Of your dalliance in a certain Grove of Velvet, so I knew where to send that letter to help you through that farce of a castigation." I audibly swallow, which only amuses Ana all the more. "Worry not, I have no qualms with you visiting the faithful of the Goddess of Beauty and Hollow Carnality. Honestly, the glimpses I see of you only give me further questions, make me hungrier to know more about you. And it seems the more I hunger, the more I see you."

The word ‘hunger’ makes me fixate on her lips and pray for glimpses of her teeth. "I... Uhh-"

"That's how I knew you'd be in this tent, if you're wondering. I saw you cutting that painting apart before you did."

"... I'm sorry you were subjected to such a shamefully wrathful sight."

"... I'm sorry too."

Ana considers things for a moment, before she grabs my hand and suddenly lays herself down, pulling me down with her. Side by side we are now sprawled over the bed, and she is giggling. I’m giggling too, and not entirely by choice... My heart won't stop, I don’t think it’s supposed to beat this hard.

And then suddenly the giggling stops, and Ana is as steel as any other grown-up I have seen. "... Serena. Why are you on a battlefield?"

The sudden shift in tone is akin to walking directly into a brick wall, and the sudden calming of my heart makes me feel light-headed. I was briefly ready for the most intense physical exertion in my life, now I don’t think I could lift myself off this bed… I’m supposed to be answering a question, aren’t I?

"I..." I’m about to say 'Her Majesty', only that reason has abandoned me, and going by the state of that painting I have abandoned her too. Why am I here? "Well, originally it was to serve and protect someone who I cared about, more than myself, more than anything. Only... She's gone now... And yet I don't feel like my purpose has changed. I want to protect, I want to fight to save others. The people I love. And people I will never even meet. To spare them from the world of violence."

"The world of violence?" Ana asks the question, and yet it’s evident in her tone that she knows the answer better than I do.

"Y- Y'know! That weird place that gets carved out of the world when people start killing one another? Where you can smell the blood and powder smoke, where the ground is littered with corpses. The place that human beings can't live, where monsters roam instead."

This clearly amuses Ana, albeit in a sad way... A wizened way. "Oh, Serena. You're still new to a battlefield. You think that world is an aberration, a thing that is carved out of the real world."

"... Isn't it? It's so starkly different from the world it comes from. People live far, far away from the world of violence."

"They do, Serena... But you have your parties muddled up." Her joviality slowly fades from her countenance, and she looks past me, past the wall of the tent behind me, and possibly past all of Lutice itself. "... That place? The one you call 'The World of Violence'... That is the real world, Serena. The world we grew up in, the one where people get along, follow the rules, and submit themselves to the authority of gods and laws? That is a fantasy world, one we humans invented so we could build a place where we could be safe... The real world is violence. The real world is power. And where the smell of blood and powder smoke travels, it tears into the 'World of Peace' and creates a door to reality. Where humans are predator or prey, butcher or meat. Most cannot tolerate this world, they will do anything to escape it, at first. But one eventually gets used to it. You acclimatize."

You get used to it? It seems utter madness from the outside, and yet it’s been a while since I’ve noticed that sickening feeling from crossing the threshold. Am I 'Acclimatizing'?

"Of course, as you get used to the real world, it becomes harder and harder to return to the World of Peace. The more you see the true nature of reality, the less you can lie to yourself. Our World of Peace is a very fragile thing. And that is what we are here for, as generals." She gently reaches out and strokes my hair, but she still sounds very far-away. "We shepherd people through the real world, we give them laws and rules to obey to help them retain their ability to maintain their delusions, and we lead armies to protect the fantasies of the innocent. To protect them from the villains of the world, to keep the violence away from the eyes of the civilians at their breakfast."

"... So that's why you're a general? To protect a lie?"

"Some lies are important things, Serena. They protect us. Just because 'The World of Peace' is a fantasy, an invention, that doesn't mean that it's bad. Humans invent unnatural things all the time which help us prosper."

"And all we have to do is ignore the fact that human nature is inherently violent, that we're all really predators and prey." A little like Katarina's priests. Are they the way they are because they see the real world for what it is? "... I don't like this nature of humankind."

"It's simply what it is, Serena. You merely have to change your expectations according to how the world is." ... Ana seems to have learned the same lessons as the former Marshal of Avernia tried to teach me. "Hehe, besides. I didn't become a general to protect a lie."

"Then, why did you do this? Why subject yourself to this?"

"Would you believe it was to save you?"

I blink... Ana shuffles just a little closer to me, gently taking one of my hands in hers. She’s back to looking at me, rather than past me... What possible significance could I have to this well-spoken Icenian?

Me, who is so small in her presence. "I... I wouldn't even know where to begin believing that, Ana."

“Hehe, believe whatever you like. But, you are important to me, Serena. My rival.”

This close, I catch a glimpse of her teeth. They are sharp, and have an abundance of canines, much like Katarina’s come to think of it. But more than that they are stunningly beautiful. They reflect the lamplight in the tent with such radiance that I simply must reach out to touch them. Or… Have them touch me.

“Say, Serena. Do you really believe I can change the future?” There’s a mite of doubt in her tone, and in the awkward expression of her mouth.

How dare the world, how dare magic, how dare the future make this woman capable of doubt? I want to scream, but I manage to restrain myself for her sake. “You have to be as capable of changing the future as anyone else, right?”

“... You are entirely right, Serena.” My answer doesn’t satisfy her, but it certainly convinces her of something. “So I have to try, don’t I? To change an inexcusable future.”

Passion is a bizarre look on Ana, it doesn't seem to fit that typically serene, yet playful face. This woman clearly has some grand imposition, a quest bestowed upon her. And yet, being a hero does not suit her at all. She is the very opposite of a brave and noble knight.

And in that dissonant, sad passion I remember what brought me to this tent in the first place, the question that brought me to this bed.

"So that’s why Lazierte had to die? To change the future?"

Ana's breath catches in her throat, she’s having trouble calculating a response to that. "... I had believed you would surrender if there was no alternative."

"So you could sacrifice her instead-"

"I do not sacrifice prisoners, I will have you know!" Ana is genuinely furious with me, before mellowing again. "... Which might be why I keep losing to you. And making you lose too. But I simply cannot respect the Gods, sitting up in heaven and demanding we dance to their strings, and lying about the afterlife."

"Lying about what?" I blink, she said that so casually that it somehow hits me worse. "You mean... The Gods don't control the afterlife?"

"I mean there is no afterlife, Serena... Or at least, I'm quite certain there isn't one. None of my visions have ever shown an afterlife, not a one. And I have seen many things... Even the occasional thing that I cannot even begin to understand. Things from a future that must be very, very far away. I could be wrong, and my vision of eternity may come any day but... I believe it unlikely that it could exist and not have been shown to me already." Ana seems at peace with this information... Until she suddenly panics. "I... I mean I could be wrong and... And... I'm sorry-"

"So where does Lazierte go now?"

Ana is quiet for a minute, my question has no real answer. Nothing that won't make me cry forever anyway, whether Ana is wrong or right. She looks terrified, laying in bed with me now. She was so carefree and unflappable before, I didn't imagine she was capable of being this worried... This guilt. I… I brought her to this, didn’t I? Small, useless Serena, simply harming beautiful women again. Sinful, disgusting, just like I had done to Her Majesty. Only Ana says she cares for me, this is even worse! She feels guilty? I am guilty! … Why am I still staring at her lips?

Eventually Ana speaks again, fixing her ashamed gaze to mine. "Serena, I may have absolutely no right to say this, but... Never wait to tell someone how you feel about them. Never wait to be with them... We can all die so quickly here. So always be honest, and be honest quickly. You never want to leave things unsaid."

Just like I predicted, I cry. Cry for things left unsaid to Lazierte, things that could never be said now. And things I have left unsaid and undone with Pasche and Theophania, which I may soon lose the chance to say and do. Ana withdraws from me awkwardly, getting up from the bed, utterly unprepared for me to cry in front of her.

She’s looking at me with concern, and just a little bit of horror. "... Whatever you are feeling right now, about what you owe me or what you may have done to me. Just, don’t let yourself be hurt. It’s not you who is thinking those things, trust me. And they’ll fade once I leave the room, and you stop staring at my teeth."

I audibly swallow, had I been that obvious? And… What does she mean by- Is she brainwashing me too? … No, that’s ridiculous! If she was doing this to me, why would she tell me about it? No, no no no, this is my fault. I simply failed to be normal in the presence of an attractive woman again, this is exactly how it was with Celeste! I make these mistakes, these sins all the time, so how could Anastasia possibly think it’s her fault? I need her to forgive me, I need her-

“I’m… I’m just going to go. Stop ruining your brain before you do something silly… I suggest you return to your own tent, Serena.”

Ana is reluctant to leave, and I’m certainly not going to tell her to. She’s shuddering for a moment, she licks her lips, and then leaves the tent in a hurry. I reach out to stop her, but I can’t move myself from this bed. I… Why am I so desperate for her to return? … Why am I so desperate for her to forgive me, she killed Lazierte!

Why am I so desperate for her teeth?