The week following my arrest of the High King has been rather a short one, most of it spent tied to my bed in the Rosierte family home. That and under the influence of Xena's prodigious use of her new chemical solution to 'Serena getting forced to save the world'. It turns out the best way to stop me from being tempted to do something silly, like invading the Royal Palace for example, is to make me physically incapable of doing so, even if I want to. So I've spent most of my time asleep, occasionally interrupted by someone bringing me a meal and indulging me with news of the outside world. I hope Her Majesty is going to be okay without me. I hope Princess Theophania will be okay without me…

According to the little snippets of news I've heard in-between chemically induced naps it seems they at least survived the storming of the Royal Palace. They weren't arrested by The Convention or torn apart by the mob, so I can rest easy without having to plot some elaborate revenge. It seems the trial of the High King is progressing quickly, The Convention must’ve wanted to get him out of the way as quickly as possible. According to Celeste he’s almost... Cooperative. And I'd trust Celeste to know that when she sees it, even if it seems absurd. At least from all accounts I’ve heard, the world hasn't fallen apart in my absence from it. Which is a comfort, although it makes me wonder if my very existence invites conflict. Maybe Alesia would never have become so chaotic if only I hadn't stepped foot in it. A ridiculous theory, I can't possibly be that important, but it is a thought that came with a spiteful comfort.

At least all this rest has helped my wounds recover, that and Xena dutifully ministering to them. I suppose I'm a much easier patient to deal with when I'm barely conscious and literally bedbound, a lot of progress has been made on fixing me up. I can even wiggle my left arm against the restraints! Doing so is hardly painless, but at least now the agony is not indescribable. I can probably even go outside in the state I am now, assuming I have Pasche's very close supervision. And assuming she'll let me in any case, she did tie me to the bed quite tightly...

Tonight brings my only dream this week. At least I think this is a dream. I am laying in my bed, tied up as usual, and Celeste has come to bring me my evening meal. She looks as radiant as always, as beautiful as ever.

And I am just as much a monster. “Celeste… You and your husband, you’re Humanists, right? You care about people?”

“That’s right, Serena. We want to make a better Alesia, one that can treat everyone better. One where they can be their best selves without fear.”

“That sounds nice… I wish I could want that too.”

“Serena?”

Celeste appears confused, reaching out and stroking my hair. I weep at the touch, there’s simply too much going on in my head to not let it spill out. And I simply have no strength to stop it, not after a week of constant drugs and bedrest.

“I… I fear them. And I hate them, I think I truly do hate them. The people of Alesia. The grown-ups. The ones who tore apart the Palace, who threatened to harm my loved ones. The ones who almost rioted at Auguste’s speech, the ones who rioted a week ago, the ones who ambushed you and Auguste in the Grove of Leather… The ones who don’t even know my name, and can’t tell me apart from my brother.” I wish I could wipe the tears from my eyes, but my arms remain immobile. “I’m a beast, a monster. That I could hate something that you all care about, that seems right and good to protect… That I could kill them-“

Celeste wipes a tear from my face, trying her best to smile for me. “Serena, just because I care about the people of Alesia doesn’t mean I have to approve of everything they do. People are violent, they are scary, they are rude, they are selfish, they are angry… But they are also scared, they are disrespected, they are deprived, they are wronged… And they are preyed upon. The world that hurts them doesn’t allow them to be their best selves, and sometimes that leads them to hurt others.”

… And they are preyed upon by people like the High King and his nobles… And The Convention and their Aeduian Restorationists. “… Surely not everyone can be saved. A world that lets everyone be their best selves is likely to reveal that some people don’t have one.”

“Maybe. But Humanism is about helping the people we can. The people we can’t help don’t make the ones we can any less important…” Celeste goes quiet for a moment, before leaning in and whispering. “I understand the feeling though. The hatred, the wanting to hurt the ones who didn’t protect your loved ones… I hated the Cotton heads who didn’t treat Selene, I wanted them to suffer.

But I realized that they were just what the world made them be. That if they went away, the world would simply make someone else replace them, in both role and in outlook. And now I direct my hate, my wrath, my desire to hurt, against the world that brought us here. Against this normal. We can’t fight everyone in Alesia, Serena… But we can change the Alesia around them.”

I’m left shaken by the idea. That my war could be against Alesia itself, rather than the people in it. Her Majesty had seen it as such a beautiful city, but perhaps it is only beautiful from atop a hill, behind a window. Maybe if I want to take her away from that hill, I need to fix the city first. From the inside out.

Celeste’s lips meet my forehead, and she gently hums as she watches my little moral crisis unfold…

And then I am awake again. I rub the sleep out of my eyes with my hands, which makes me suddenly realize something... I’ve been untied. Maybe everyone trusts me to be able to get up now! And with no one around to stop me I quickly try to get out of bed... And find my limbs are very uncooperative. I suppose a week of basically no physical activity will do that to a person. At least my limbs are strong enough to get me dressed and standing up. I hadn't really noticed at the time in my small moments of consciousness, but I appear to have been wearing a nightdress. One that smells vaguely of Celeste... I try my absolute hardest not to think about that. And my absolute hardest not to let it linger any longer than it has to. My officer's dress will be fine. Smelling like myself will be... Fine.

I make my way down the stairs, finding my friends and confidants all sitting around the table, having a quiet breakfast together. Auguste has his newspaper again, but upon seeing me he puts it down very quickly.

"Ah, Serena! ... How did you get out of bed?"

"I... Was untied?" Auguste's confusion raises an eyebrow from me... Surely if they've chosen to untie me, they'll all know about it, right?

Pasche gets out of her chair and walks over to me, inspecting my wrists, and then dropping to the floor to inspect my ankles. "No rope burn, I don't think she struggled her way out of the bindings."

"... Good morning, Pasche."

"Good morning Seren-Ah!" Pasche quickly gets off the floor, sheepishly rubbing the back of her head. "Sorry, that was probably pretty weird-"

"You look really nice today." I give her my best smile, but I am starting to grow very concerned that my friends weren't the ones who let me out of bed.

"Th... Thank you." She’s able to stand in the face of my flattering assessment for almost three seconds before returning to her seat, something of a blushing mess.

I think she might have missed me, even having me entirely at her mercy for a week.

Celeste meanwhile is a lot more bold, getting up from her chair and giving me a smile, giving my hurt shoulder a look. "Is it feeling any better, Serena?"

"It's mostly not in pain now, I think it's on the mend."

"Oh good!" She beams, and then she hugs me tightly, evoking memories of the last time I ever saw Lazierte, and of my Princess... "Welcome back, Serena."

"It's... Good to be back." I slowly, gently wrap my arms around her... And hold her more tightly than I expect to.

She eventually lets go, and I let her slip free and return to breakfast. Xena gestures for me to sit next to her and I obey without thinking... Is her little domestication actually working? When I sit she begins prodding me, gauging my reaction to being touched near my old wounds. Barely hurts at all! This girl is a miracle worker... That or I still have some of whatever drugs she was giving me in my system and this is all going to sting at some point. Still, there is a one in two chance of her being a miracle worker.

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"You seem to be relatively well... I suppose it's not the worst thing to have you up and about." She sighs wistfully, is she going to miss having me tied down?

"I feel relatively well... Thank you for taking care of me like this. Even if it was a little... Excessive-"

"I let you out of my sight for five minutes and you re-opened your wound fighting ruffians in a grove of Leather. I slept for a mere 17 hours and you arrested the High King! My treatment methods are excessive because you are a very excessive girl, Serena."

"... I am trying very hard to dispute that. I don't think I can dispute that."

"Good. So next time you get shot or slashed or what have you I presume you will consent to the same thing, right?"

"... Only if Pasche consents to the same-"

"Pasche can't tie herself up, Serena."

"I could tie her up!"

A sharp squeaking noise from Pasche’s direction briefly catches the attention of Xena, and Celeste oddly enough, before Xena continues. "I don't think you should be rewarding her reckless behavior like that, Serena."

"Well... Do you tie Katarina up every time she gets shot?"

"There is not a rope strong enough in the world to do that."

My eyes drift over to Katarina, sitting on the floor and giving me a smile. Xena is absolutely correct, I don't think Katarina could be bound even if she were trying to be. And apparently she can't actually sleep, despite doing so fairly regularly... I shake my head, I promised not to speculate on Katarina's whole deal. She's simply a very excitable girl who might be indestructible. That's all I need to know.

"Serena... Aren't you going to eat something?" Celeste calls to me from across the table, giving a mischievous little giggle. "Don't tell me you've gotten used to us feeding you."

I blush, quickly getting to the task of eating food under my own power, for what I realize is only the third time since I came to Alesia. As absolutely normal as being fed by friends and confidants is... It absolutely isn't normal, and it provokes utterly abnormal reactions from me. Ones I should not be having.

Speaking of things that should not be, there appears to be a large bouquet of flowers barely contained by a vase, one that absolutely was not there before. They look bright and colorful... And expensive. Not something the Rosiertes would typically buy.

"So... What are the flowers about?"

Everyone goes silent at the question, no one wants to give an answer to that particular inquiry. Which seems odd, they were just pretty flowers... Should I be worried about this?

Pasche is the first to find her words again, though she mostly finds sheepish ones. "I wouldn't worry about those. I wouldn't even think about them."

"... Pasche, that is not building any confidence in me that the flowers aren't worth worrying about."

Next, it’s Celeste's turn to find her words... And she too is being rather cagey about them. "Honestly I would have thrown them out, but it seemed rather cruel to do. The flowers didn't do anything wrong after all."

"You're all talking about these flowers as if they were sent maliciously... Are they a threat? Do I need to fight someone-"

"No no no, you don't need to fight anyone!" This time it’s Auguste's turn to try his hand at a vague dismissal. "Just, don't let them bother you, okay Serena?"

"They look very expensive, only a handful of people in the city would spend this kind of money on flowers-"

"It was the Queen. She sent them as thanks for saving her life, again." Xena speaks matter-of-factly, and quickly earns the betrayed eyes of everyone at the table.

Her Majesty... She sent me flowers? I suddenly don't feel especially secure on this chair, both out of a desire to jump to my feet and scream in utter jubilation, and the feeling of being utterly overwhelmed. Oh no... I'm smiling. I'm beaming. I'm probably a grotesquerie of joy. And everyone at the table can tell.

Pasche looks about ready to flick Xena on the forehead. "Now you've gone and set her off. I warned you about her little queen obsession, Xena!"

"I don't think lying to our dear General here is particularly just, Pasche. Certainly not if it's going to leave her worrying." Xena is pretty casual for someone who is being scolded.

I try to get a handle on myself. This is the breakfast table, not Lazierte and I’s bed... But it’s flowers! From Her Majesty! She knows who I am, she cares what I do, she... She can see me! And I cannot be anything but alive when I'm in her gaze.

"You were right, Auguste. She really does love her Queen..." Celeste looks disappointed in me... And almost a little bitter. "Really, really loves her Queen."

"It's definitely one of her stranger attributes, certainly." Auguste tries to excuse my bizarre behavior with a chuckle, but I can tell he too is rather displeased.

It would never stop surprising me that I seemed to be the only one who looked at the Queen and saw 'Her Majesty'. I guess not everyone had seen her smile for them. Maybe that's why my friends never seemed to like my goddess... If only I could get her to smile for them too.

"To be entirely candid, Princess Theophania also sent another of her ribbons, along with a lock of her hair, oddly enough." Xena continues, clearly to Pasche's continuing dismay. "She said it was a thing in one of her fairy books and was supposed to be a subtle indicator of romance... Less subtle for her blatantly explaining it but I do wonder if that girl is built for subtlety."

This at least gets a laugh out of Pasche, even if she’s still quite annoyed at Xena even bringing it up. "I only met her once, but the one thing I absolutely know about her is that she certainly isn't subtle."

I can't help but pout, even if Princess Theophania’s... 'Affections' for me are confusing and very distressing, I don't want to see the poor girl be pilloried. "Well, I think her enthusiasm is quite charming. I'll have to find a way to thank her for her gifts."

My defense of Her Highness makes the table turn quiet in a hurry, speculating about my relationships seems to be a very awkward topic of conversation for all involved. I wonder if everyone has a better time talking about me when I’m not around... I return to eating.

And then there's a knock on the door. And Celeste looks about ready to hit someone.

"I swear, if they're here to ask you to save Alesia again I will personally punch Steel right in the mouth." She stomps over to the front door in a huff.

And soon returns with a familiar, bedraggled, out-of-breath messenger girl, with a trumpet on her sword belt. Exciting times really don't treat the messengers well it seems. I rise to my feet and offer the girl my chair, which she happily accepts without a even hint of her former propriety. I think we might be spoiling the girl, not that she doesn’t need it.

After a few moments regaining her breath she gives a gasping proclamation to everyone present. "The High King has been found guilty of high treason and conspiring with foreign powers! His sacrifice will commence later today! The Convention has extended its invitation to Mademoiselle Serena Pollineux, as well as to Monsieur Auguste Rosierte and family.

... It’s finally happening. He’s going to be sacrificed. I have no idea how good a swordsman His Grace is, but in the times I’ve seen him I haven't gotten the impression that he’s a competent warrior.

I haven't really gotten the impression that he’s a competent anything in all honesty, but does he really deserve to die for it?

"... He’s made Her Majesty so very unhappy..." I whisper it under my breath, a little prayer to myself, before giving the messenger a nod and speaking so others could hear. "I appreciate the invitation. I believe I should attend."

This prompts Xena to stand up and flick me on the forehead, hard. "Just because you're mostly okay doesn't mean you should push your luck like this. What if something else absurd happened while you were outside?"

"Xena... I can't just stay coddled in my room because something terrible 'might' happen if I go outside. I can't live a life like that."

"That still doesn't mean you should take stupid risks like this. I can easily see a situation where this whole thing turns into a riot or a fight, or where that Rivauld person starts something big. This has trouble written all over it!" Xena's eyes are showing a spark of something past her usual tired expression... Maybe getting some actual sleep has made room for something else to show in her expression.

"Do you really want to be the doctor for someone who never does anything again, Xena? I don't think that's fair on you, for your interesting friend to hide herself away, and never do anything interesting again." It's honestly surprising that she seems this invested in me, she seemed conflicted about what precisely our relationship was when we talked in the Greenjacket Compound. "... I think it's more flattering for our friendship to bring me confidence and security, rather than having it keep me coddled and protected."

This strikes a chord with Xena, a fact she clearly hates as her lips form a pout. "Just... Be careful, okay?"

"I promise."

"And take Pasche with you! ... If I'm obligated to let you wander the city that’s almost killed you four times I'm at least not going to let you wander it alone. Understood?"

"Understood." My eyes find Pasche, who has already gotten to her feet and found her cuirass and saber. She's dressing the part for this to all go terribly wrong. And admittedly, I can see a thousand scenarios where this turns to bloodshed, where I'll need Pasche to get me through it alive and intact.

But I am part of what caused all this to happen. I want to see how it ends.