I hunger.

This time I’m stalking through the core of Triumph Square, slipping in between market stalls, darting across the walkways to avoid the eyes of my prey. I catch only the smallest glimpses of my prize, a hint of white hair, the glint of metal, the sway of a skirt. But I can hear her. Her heartbeat is all I can focus on, the pumping of her blood is thunderous and inescapable, fresh and warm and rightfully mine. I’m getting closer, I can smell her sweet scent and my mouth salivates in anticipation. And she is still none the wiser, simply standing around in the center of the Square, vulnerable and perfect. I’m almost upon her now, I charge. She turns to face me, I pounce, grabbing her shoulders and pushing her violently onto the cobblestones…

And I bite deeply into Pasche’s neck, the flesh tender and the blood divine. I swallow, and only now do I know just how parched I have been, how deprived. How much I need from her. I lap at the blood greedily, tongue pressing the torn and punctured flesh to press out more. She moans below me, and I drink that too.

I want more. I withdraw my teeth from her neck and straddle her hips, looking upon the pathetic, helpless, and utterly enraptured girl beneath me with a bloodstained smile. I rake my nails across her cuirass, tearing the metal apart with ease, and carving a wound which exposes her beating heart. I feel a stirring beneath me, Pasche’s arousal is undeniable and she looks pleadingly up at me as I stare transfixed at the thumping at her core.

“Serena… Take my heart.”

I wake up screaming.

I try to flee, but my limbs are tied to the bed on which I lay. I scream again… But I swallow it once I see Lazierte. She had, until a few moments ago, been sleeping on an armchair by my bedside, holding my hand. Now she is terrified and awake in an armchair by my bedside, and is squeezing my hand tightly.

“Serena?!” Lazierte’s eyes are darting over me, trying to find out what’s caused this sudden outburst. “Are you hurt? What happened?!”

I try to reassure Lazierte, but the only thing that comes out of my mouth are ragged, short breaths. I’m not even sure I’m able to reassure myself in my current state! Lazierte quickly undoes the bindings on my wrists and ankles before returning her attention to me, awkwardly grasping my hand.

“Uhhh… It’s okay! It’s okay, Serena… I’m… I’m here!”

I slowly get a handle on my breathing, at least until I make the mistake of trying to move my legs. I’m utterly soaked. For the first time since dreaming of Her Majesty. Oh gods, I was dreaming of Pasche, wasn’t I? And Lazierte was here, possibly the entire time, holding my hand throughout…

I have to force myself to speak, her close scrutiny is painful given the circumstances. “I… Am okay. I’m okay, I just-”

“Bad dream?”

… Did she know?

I nod, maybe she doesn’t know, and I can pretend this was an ordinary nightmare. “Yeah, scary dream. Not fun. Not fun at all.”

“I’m sorry. I wish I could have done more.” Lazierte sounds legitimately guilty over me having had a dream. "I wanted to share the bed with you, it always helped me with my bad dreams, maybe it might have helped you. Xena wouldn't allow it though, said she didn't want to 'reward bad behavior'. She only let me be this close because I convinced her that you might need supervision since the bindings aren't up to par... Hehe, I guess I don't know my way around a rope nearly as well as that 'Pasche' girl does."

There’s still clearly some bitterness there still, but I'd frankly prefer not to think about that right now. Because if I think too much about it, it might just be unavoidable. I want the people I care about to get along, maybe they can comfort one another after I die. After all, Xena will not be joining us on the field of battle again if I can help it. Everything would fit perfectly, Lazierte can rescue Her Majesty in the way I failed to, Pasche can take care of Xena and Katarina can take care of Pasche, and Xena can take care of Pasche and Katarina and Theophania. All I have to do is keep them alive, keep them safe. And I can't do that from bed.

"Serena, are you okay? You’re being very quiet…" Lazierte squeezes my hand and looks over me with intense concern.

No amount of thinking is getting my tired arms and tender legs out of bed. All it’s doing is worrying Lazierte, which is the very last thing I want to be doing... How do I keep finding new ways to upset the people I love?

"Serena, it's okay. I'm here, you're safe." Lazierte leans in close, trying her best to be reassuring, which is horribly unfair as I’m the one who’s worrying her! "... I took the city center, we won. I explained everything to your brother, he said he was proud of your courage and, after I slapped him for sending you into the fray like this, he also thanked me for saving you... We're okay, you don't have anyone to be fighting right now."

"Where are we being deployed next?" Somehow in my self loathing I forgot about the actual war we were fighting. "What's our next target?"

"... Ravenna. Capital of the Kingdom of Samnia. Seems Antoine's as reckless as ever."

"When are we moving out? ... Why aren't we already moving out?"

"Eager, are we?" Lazierte chuckles, but it was clear she’s more than a little displeased with me. "I swear, you're as reckless as him. And sometimes almost as dense. We burned a decent chunk of the city down so he wanted to take a few days to ensure public order was maintained. That and he's still waiting for the cavalry to return from their mission harassing the Magyar flanks and goading them into withdrawing... Oh, and you're in a temple of Cotton and he seems genuinely concerned about making sure you get a chance to recover before sending you to war again. Not that he said as much out loud, stubborn creature that he is."

"I guess I am both of those things, huh..."

"Oh, don't take it like that! ... Can ummm- Can I tell you something, Serena?"

"Anything, Lazierte." Whatever it is, I surely deserve to hear it.

"Being conscripted to the Military Academy was something that gave me some amount of joy, some amount of hope. I had nowhere to belong and no prospects on the streets of Bresta, but suddenly I had a path towards a future... But now that I've joined the army and found somewhere to belong because of it, I want nothing more than to escape it entirely. To take the place I belong out of the military with me, to run away somewhere peaceful and never have to risk our lives in conflict again."

Lazierte must be talking about Her Majesty. The one who needs someone to run away with her, who would give Lazierte somewhere to belong to, someone who the Military Academy has given her... It stings, but this is supposed to be the right thing. Just like with Theophania, the painful thing must simply be the right thing, and the right thing must simply be painful. I just don't know what hurts more. Knowing Her Majesty will be better off in the arms of another, or knowing that Lazierte will.

"I think you should pursue it to the fullest, Lazierte. The one you've found, that you want to rescue from the conflict of our age? I really think you should save her."

"You think so?!" Lazierte is practically over the moon, and that just makes it worse… Her enthusiasm is distressingly beautiful. "Serena... Would you-"

Lazierte is cut off by the door opening, with an irate-looking Xena, a victorious-looking Pasche, and a happy-go-lucky Katarina soon coming through it. All of whom look very concerned by how close Lazierte has gotten to me, their scrutiny making her quickly recoil, utterly flustered.

Xena wanders over and flicked Lazierte's forehead despite her sudden contrition. "It's only been three days. Yes she's on the mend but now is not the time for anything like that."

"S... Sorry." Lazierte gives me something of a forlorn look, before withdrawing her hand from mine and leaving the room entirely, thoroughly embarrassed.

Which makes Xena quite confused, looking at the now empty armchair Lazierte had sat upon. "... I didn't tell her she had to leave..."

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

This left a space for Pasche to take Lazierte’s place, and to examine my now undone bindings. "Who tied these? Clearly whoever did has never had to stable a horse, Serena got out without even trying."

"That would be Lazierte." Xena is having difficulty maintaining her once seemingly automatic calm air. "Who has just left the room so I unfortunately can't ask her to tie you up either."

"These bindings wouldn't hold me."

"You were shot four times."

"I'm fine!"

"That you are fine is a medical miracle and as much a cause for alarm as you being seriously hurt."

"The only thing I'm alarmed about is my girl- Our General getting nearly herself killed! Again!" Pasche turns her attention back my way, and then starts to tie me back up again. "Now I'm going to make absolutely sure you stay put and-"

She reaches over me to reapply the bindings, and I panic immediately. What if she notices the shameless state of my legs? … What if I can’t bear to have her touch without feeling the same thing? I have to stop her from getting too close. I have to say something. Anything. Literally anything!

And naturally, I say something cruel. "How are we meant to spend the day together in Medhelanon if I'm tied up in bed?"

This completely stops Pasche mid-knot and makes her audibly swallow before she manages to catch herself. "Some other day! One where you aren't injured-"

"You're injured too, and you're still walking around. Surely it's hypocritical to not take your date- Day with me today, right?" … When did I get so good at masking my intentions?

Pasche struggles to argue against my logic, trying to think of something to refute my bulletproof assertion. Xena meanwhile is grabbing some vials of a chemical solution from her belt... Only to be stopped by Katarina of all people, gently putting one of her hands upon Xena's and whispering something in German. Something that Xena clearly found insightful and erudite and utterly infuriating, something which stops Xena from reaching for her drugs. Pasche decides against tying me back up, and offers me a hand to help me to my feet. One that I can’t accept for the very same reason that she’s offering. I really am good for nothing but hurting people who care about me.

“Uhhh… I’d umm… I was wondering if I might be given a few minutes to get myself in order. I was asleep for a long time and I’m sure I must be a mess.”

Pasche gives me an uncertain look, as if she’s second-guessing allowing me to join her outside, but ultimately withdraws to give me space, rather than pushing me back onto the bed, tying me up, and- ... Something about considering that hypothetical was starting to make my mind wander to Velvet places. Shameful places, the very same ones that dragged me into this situation. I need to focus on the present, on making sure I don’t harm Pasche in any way today.

She was apparently shot multiple times after all, she should not be doing nearly as well as she is right now and I shouldn't be adding to those wounds. It’d be irresponsible of me. Still, she seems perfectly lacking in pain as she leaves my side to wait for me outside the room, though not before noticing Katarina step forward to lean down and kiss me. She’s over a foot taller than me even when I’m standing up, so it does take a serious lean, and it is such a shock that I almost jump out of bed. And now my cheeks are red, what in the heck was that about?! Why did she do that? ... It was surprisingly gentle, the kind of thing I didn't think the seven-foot-tall worshipper of death was capable of... But that’s how it was. It was... Nice.

She beams at me, clearly she knows exactly what she’s doing and is getting something out of it. I'm not certain what though. My eyes dart to Xena, who also doesn't have even a trace of confusion in her eyes as to what just happened, and oddly enough none of her recent ire for me.

"She figured she was owed a performance bonus. Also she's happy you're alive." Xena spoke matter-of-factly, it’s almost hard to see her in her natural state after seeing her so animated. It’s almost as if I dreamed it.

"Well, I'd say she certainly did." I can't exactly fault the thinking of the big ol' bear, she has rightly earned a reward for all her hard work, and... "And I'm happy she's alive too."

Xena winces at that comment, which seems to briefly confuse Katarina, before she simply shakes her head and gives Pasche a smile. Pasche is still utterly flabbergasted, but with Katarina's apparent approval she finally leaves the room to let me sort myself out. Katarina followed her out of the room, with Xena soon after, though she does give me something of a concerned look over her shoulder as she leaves. Just a little flicker of what I saw in her that night.

There's something fascinating about Katarina, come to think of it. I'd made the connection between her and a dog, a perhaps mean connection to make, and yet she is willing to show affection, and let affection be shown to the object of her apparent desire without any displeasure. Almost like a cat, loving without regard for consequences and without any idea of exclusivity. It's honestly quite smart. Katarina might honestly be a lot smarter than I give her credit for.

... I might be dumber than the giant German murder worshipper.

Confronted by that possibility, I quickly get out of bed and take to the task of making myself decent. I was told not to speculate about Katarina and I have never before been more grateful for that command… Not thinking about Katarina is hard, but I at least manage it for as long as it takes to change my clothes and underwear, and tidy up my hair the tiniest amount. It really is a hopeless mess of curls. Still, I manage to make it out the door alive, to where Pasche is waiting for me.

Pasche is using the little time I’ve given her to try and do something with her own hair, brushing it with her fingers. This might just be a nervous habit though. It is quite thick and lustrous hair, and it’s started to grow down to her shoulders. It frames her face quite nicely. Especially in the light of the morning sun, coming in from a nearby window, illuminating her in a way that makes every inch of her simply stunning. She deserves that light, she deserves to be seen. She’s beautiful she deserves to know that-

"Serena? What’re you staring at?"

That was an excellent question from Pasche, one I simply cannot answer. I know she wants to know I was staring at her, but it’ll only hurt her in the end. Her cuirass is marked by musket shot, and one hole that seems to have been caused by a lance. Who dared try to lance my Pasche?! I’ll cut them in half!

“Serena, if you don’t want to go out with me, that’s fine…”

“No!” Panic seizes my throat and decides my answer, insisting on that answer being sin.

“... No you don’t want to go out with me or-” And now Pasche is confused.

It’s adorable and I feel guilty and- “No, I don't want to not go out with you. As in… I want to go out with you! I just… I was just… Staring at you in the Sun…”

Pasche is quickly flustered, but she isn't smiling. I wish that made her smile, as awful as it is I crave her smile when it’s gone. Still, she takes my hand in hers, and the two of us make our way out of the Cotton Temple and onto the streets of Medhelanon.

The city is a lot more pleasant during the daytime, modern and well constructed, row houses and little cafes and the like. It seems that enough time has passed since our occupation that the people are willing to go outside again. There are occasional Avernian soldiers patrolling the streets, of course, but for the most part it is the people of Medhelanon going about their business.

Going to work, going out to eat, meeting others... There are so many of them. So many more of them than there are of us. If that King of Samnia hadn't fled, we could easily have been washed away by these people. It’s enough to put me on edge. I feel myself squeezing Pasche's hand until it hurts.

"S... So..." Pasche scratched the back of her head with her free hand, looking rather nervous. "I didn't get a good look at the city... And I don't know if you did but... What do you think we should do first-"

"Butcher!"

Before I can process the sudden and unfamiliar scream, I feel a sharp pain in my arm, and turn to find a small child preparing to throw a rock at my head. He throws... And Pasche catches the rock right before my eyes, looking about ready to throw it right back at the child.

I grab her wrist, the kid is barely a threat, he’s just angry. "Pasche, he's just a kid."

Pasche doesn't need much convincing it turns out, dropping the rock and instead resorting to giving the child a mean look. The child sticks his tongue out at us, goading us into trying to fight him...

Before noticing some approaching Avernian soldiers and quickly running away. Looking around, I realize that a handful of people are beginning to stare at Pasche and I, looking at us with derision.

"... They hate us, don't we?" And I can't even blame them, even if we didn’t shell the city to pieces we still caused a great deal of havoc when confronted with the impromptu militia.

"Yeah." Pasche too is struggling with knowing the people staring us down have a point. "... Maybe a recently conquered city isn't the best place to have a date- A day together."

"Maybe..." It’s not fair to Pasche, to deny her what she is owed just because everyone hates Avernians right now- "... So maybe we shouldn't be Avernians today, wearing Avernian colors."

"As in, get changed? I didn't really bring any civilian clothes, and I doubt that green dress of yours would be salvageable after that party."

"As in go shopping, Pasche!" I'm not sure why that comes out as loud as it does, I’ve barely ever shopped before but I’m pretty sure it's not usually so significant. "I've seen you in a lovely red dress, but I'd like to see you in all kinds of colors!"

This time Pasche does smile, she becomes incredibly giddy in fact! "I... I think I'd like that a great deal- Wait... How are we going to pay for this?"

"I'll just expense it to Antoine and the Army. If I'm 'friends with The Convention' now, I may as well abuse it, right?"

And this has Pasche laughing... It’s dorky, and I love it in a way that's dangerous and scary. I want her to keep laughing, I want her to keep smiling. I want things that are wrong. I want more than I deserve.

And now Pasche is the one dragging me along, herself now overwhelmingly excited to get to our day together... Before mercifully slowing down, remembering my recent wound and being easy on it. Thank goodness for the wound, I'd probably let myself get carried away otherwise. She could have led me anywhere, smiling like that.