Somehow, when I wake, I am laying on the beaches of Kerska... I'm home? ... The last two years can’t possibly have been a dream, this... This is a dream! I realize that now, so I ought to wake up soon, right?

I rise to my feet, the dream is not over yet. I almost panic about the prospect of this in fact being reality, until I look down to where I lay and find a sleeping Lazierte, her form next to where I had woken. She’s never been to Kerska, so this has to be a dream. Thank goodness... She does look beautiful though, sleeping soundly on the warm sand, the high tide tickling her feet. Oh... She’s naked, huh? That doesn't seem normal…

I try to remove my jacket to give it to her, only to find that I am naked as well. Definitely not normal! I find my and Lazierte's clothes in a heap further up the beach. It almost feels profane to cover her up, she looks so happy, sleeping naked upon the sand. Still... This is the 'normal' thing to do, so I reach down to grab her clothing, to drape her in something.

"So that's where you lazy bums snuck off to."

I look up in a panic, I have apparently been caught very naked after all... By Princess Theophania of all people. Wearing an uncharacteristically plain dress, a humble white number. She... Looks beautiful. I wonder if Her Majesty would look this good in a humble dress.

I speak... I can't quite hear the words I say, but I know that I’ve responded to Princess Theophania because she giggles and bounds over to me in response. She reaches down and grabs some of my clothes, pressing them into my hands.

"Back when I was a princess you promised to be my brave and noble knight, protect me from all harm. If you can fight Greenjackets and gangsters then you can also do the dishes when we're all done cooking. Hehe, the soup pot's not going to shoot anyone after all."

I laugh... Wait, back when? What is she talking about? I speak some more, and Princess Theophania's... Well, just Theophania's attention falls on Lazierte.

"Oh, her. Don't worry, I know her weaknesses! I'll get her awake. You just get dressed and head back to the castle, we'll be right behind you."

Weaknesses? ... I don't think I even want to know... I really wish I didn't want to know! Either way, I do as I'm told, and try to ignore the girlish, Lazierte-ish squeal that follows as I dress... This isn't my officer's dress, not the one I know. It's a little green dress instead with no matching jacket. This little trip to Kerska is getting more complicated all the time. Either way, I return to the seat of my family line, the pathetic excuse for a 'castle' that sits upon the big hill overlooking Barcaggio. To think, someone once thought this island could be an independent Grand Duchy…

I arrive at the castle at the speed of dreaming, linear space and distances are nonsense and that's weirdly a comfort, it implies I will awaken again... At the castle gates I am met with Katarina, who gives a big smile as she lifts the heavy portcullis under her own power.

"Welcome home, Serena! Did you have fun at the beach?"

... Full Avernian sentences. Still quite accented but... She's speaking full Avernian sentences! And lifting a steel portcullis like it's nothing... And... She's wearing CLOTHES?! Worker's overalls to be sure, but still clothes! She even has a little earring, a dangling bear... What is going on here?

I feel my lips contort into a smile at the sight of her, and I apparently say something that delights the substantially less beastly Katarina.

"Hehehe! I'm sure you will be nice and show me and Xena the beach some time."

I slip myself under the portcullis, and Katarina lets it drop to the ground after me, leaving us both on the other side of it. But she doesn't move from where she is, I guess she'll need to open the gate for Lazierte and Theophania after me. I move on, into the castle proper, where I find Xena stirring a gigantic pot that almost seems full to the brim with various sea creatures... It looks delicious... Maybe there are some disadvantages to this being a dream.

"Oh, there you are." Xena rolls her eyes, but follows it with a very un-Xena smile, one that seems... Entirely there. "I notice Lazierte's not with you. You wore the poor thing out again, didn't you?"

I say something that gets a chuckle out of Xena, and I find myself soon taking her position stirring the pot while Xena sets out plates and the like. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven... Seven. Seven? There sure are a lot of us here. I'm not sure this giant pot will even be enough, especially since I am determined to make sure Lazierte and Pasche eat their fill, the poor starved darlings.

... Where is Pasche? I haven't seen her yet... It's just a dream, there are no consequences, so I can stop stirring the pot. I slip away and go to explore the castle; she has to be here somewhere... Maybe the Library?

I walk up the stairs, the library is on the second floor... But this time the lack of consistent space and time is a hindrance rather than a help, I’m forced to climb those stairs for almost two whole minutes. When I finally reach the top of them I’m in my room in the Rosierte's home, the one I've been sleeping in these past few days. Pasche is sitting on a chair at the foot of my bed, in full armor, her sword at her side and pistol at the ready... She's crying.

I walk over to my sleeping form on the bed, covered in bandages and splattered with blood, looking pale as I have ever seen her, seen me... I walk over…

And I wake up.

I try to lean up, but I am wracked with pain at the exertion and decide to spend a few more moments laying still. The effort however isn't entirely in vain, for the briefest of moments I catch a glimpse of Pasche at the foot of my bed, wearing her cuirass, her sword and gun close at hand... Just like my dream, she is softly weeping to herself.

"What the hell am I supposed to do? If I could just leave it would be so much easier but... That's just another form of losing her, isn't it?"

... She's in pain too... I lean up again, this time I grit my teeth through the pain and make my way to a sitting position, making sure I can look her in the eyes. It hurts, I have to lean against the back wall to stop myself from screaming, but I can at least see her now.

I can see her absolutely freak out. "S... Serena! You're supposed to be laying down! Bed rest, all that stuff! Get back down!"

"... I couldn't see you when I was lying down. I had to sit up."

"Oh, do not make this one my fault!" She was so contemplative and sad before... Now she seems wrathful.

"It isn't your fault. It's my fault that I want to see you, Pasche."

Pasche rises to her feet, and with conflicted steps she drags her chair over to my bedside, taking a seat again. "Well, now you can see me while lying down! So get on that, because as angry as I am, Xena will be fucking furious if she knows you're trying to be up and about again."

"... I bet she can be pretty scary when she's mad."

"You don't even know the half of it." Pasche removes her gloves, letting them hit the floor with a heavy thud, before gingerly trying to guide me back to laying down. "... It's a miracle you're alive, you know. An actual fucking miracle."

"I... I don't know if I'd describe it in such terms-"

"You were shot, near point blank, by a musket, in the chest! If the bullet hadn't slid along your ribcage on the way out, if it had hit even slightly differently, you wouldn't have a lung right now! And Xena's a genius but she can't just replace people's organs!"

"Oh... I barely even noticed at the time."

"And all over a stupid fucking painting! ... You promised me you wouldn't die, no matter what. I'd like to think that 'not dying' is a conscious decision that you practice by not getting into stupid fights!!"

"... It was a very important painting."

"What? Because 'Her Majesty' told you so? ... Anyone who is willing to trade you for a painting is an idiot, and not someone who deserves you-"

"Her Majesty made me!" I feel my blood begin to boil, and I'm tempted to force myself to my feet out of sheer spite. "She saved me from what fate had in store for me, she saved me from having to be some boring, awful grown-up, she was with me for the sacrifices, for the cold, for everything! I am hers, she made me hers, so I will not ever hear that she does not deserve me!"

The exertion of shouting hurts my chest. Seeing Pasche forlornly staring at the floor hurts my heart. "That doesn't change the fact that she's not good for you. That serving her like this is hurting you."

"I'll hurt for her Majesty; I'll bleed for her."

"And you'd break your promise for her? You'd die for her?"

... I want to answer truthfully, but I don't know what the truth is.

When I made that oath, I meant it, I don't want to ever hurt Pasche like that, or Lazierte like that, or Princess Theophania like that. But I promised my life to Her Majesty first. Am I really allowed to promise that I'll live? Even if it feels right, even if I want to? My life can't be hers AND mine, can it?

"Serena, you look like you're about to cry... Should I call Xena in? Get some of her 'chemical solution to pain' in you?"

"... Would that I had two lives to give... Why do I have to choose? It all seems so unfair."

"Those are just the rules-"

"They seem like stupid grown-up rules, the exact kind I have no patience for, Pasche..."

"Hehe... What a 'Serena' answer..."

Lazierte, Her Majesty… Pasche slowly reaches out a hand to grab mine, and with a little bit of effort I manage to run my thumb over the back of her hand. I clench my teeth and throw my magic over her, letting our hearts beat together for a moment. This gets a smile from Pasche, she’s clearly missed this. I try to make it seem a lot less painless than it is, taxing my heart while my wounds are still healing fills my veins with a painful hunger. From there the pair of us just sat in silence for a while, before being invited back to reality by a celestial little chirp at the door.

"Serena, Pasche, breakfast is ready! ... Should I bring some up?"

Pasche is about to answer, but I roll myself onto my side and begin the agonizing process of getting myself out of bed. Pasche, utterly incredulous, simply gives up and helps me to my feet, and is even gracious enough to take my weight, slipping herself under my shoulder.

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

Thank goodness I was sent to bed dressed; I doubt I'm in a state to get that done myself. "I'll come down!"

There is a slightly surprised noise from behind the door, and a much more surprised noise when Pasche and I emerge from the room. We’re a mess of carrying and being carried, but we are entirely capable of walking.

I give Celeste a smile, very happy to see her. "Good morning, Celeste. Thank you for breakfast."

She looks like she's resisting the urge to slap me, and possibly also the urge to hug me. "Serena, you're clearly still hurt, you should be in bed."

"I wanted to make sure I saw everyone who saved my life last night."

"Well, you could have just asked Xena to-"

"You saved my life too, you know. I doubt sleeping in the street would do the bullet wound any good. You took me in, and I don't think I've thanked you enough yet."

"... Hehe... You've made your gratitude perfectly clear, you charmer... Okay, if you insist, you can come down for breakfast. But the moment we're done, you're going back to bed, young lady!"

"I'll try my best-"

"The world will survive without you getting shot or stabbed or slashed for at least a day, Serena. And if it won't then, well, it wasn't much of a world, was it?"

"... It's the only one we've got, Celeste. If I let it die, then how are you supposed to fix it?"

Celeste blushes at this little remark, which prompts Pasche to start leading me down the stairs without another word... The stairs are their own special hell, but I think I'm getting used to it. That I'm alive at all is a gift, I shouldn't waste it wincing in pain.

Downstairs the atmosphere is a little strange. Auguste reads his paper, Xena idly taps her fork on the table as Katarina tries desperately to soothe her, rubbing her shoulders from behind while on her knees. It’s weird to see her wearing nothing but her bear again after seeing a vision of her in clothing. Maybe she can be convinced some day... Maybe if she manages to learn Avernian.

Katarina smiles at my approach, meanwhile Xena looks furious, getting to her feet and wandering over before flicking me in the forehead. "No. Bad. Go rest."

"... I never got to thank you for saving me... Again."

"Squandering my efforts and getting yourself shot is a weird way to thank me. As is wandering around and risking your wounds reopening, again!" She’s scolding me, but it’s hard to care much about that when I am so focused on how much emotion she’s showing…

Kissing her is the normal thing to do. I kissed Pasche when she saved my life, so for consistency's sake I should kiss her too. It's not quite the right moment for it like it was in the palace, but it is just the rules... Right?

"So please, thank me by going to bed, and recovering- Mmmhhnnff?!"

I do the consistent thing, much to everyone's shock. "... Thank you for saving me, Xena. I really appreciate it."

Xena sits back down, clearly confused and trying to figure out what this means. Katarina meanwhile smiles at me even more sincerely, and I will never know what that means. Celeste, who has come down the stairs after us, puts a shocked hand to her mouth, as if she and Auguste didn't do exactly this at the breakfast table every morning anyway…

And Pasche decides to just ask me what that means. "Se... Serena, what was that? Are you okay in the head? You're not feeling faint or anything, are you?"

"I kissed you when you saved my life, it just seemed appropriate."

Pasche gently lowers me to my chair, taking the seat next to me and trying not to be too contemplative. She gave Xena some weird looks, ones that Xena returned with desperately confused ones. Even with her rather blank expression it’s fairly obvious that she’s grappling for answers. Celeste gives both Xena and Pasche a look, before going over to her husband.

"Struggling with any of the clues today, dearest?"

"I am actually... It's asking for the home of 'The Darkness of the Winter Sunrise'? What the heck does that even mean?"

"It's a painting, love. It's in the Avernian National Gallery. Don't you have a speech there today?"

"I certainly do! I guess I'll have some trivia about the world's most pretentious painting for our crowd. Thank you honey."

"You're welcome!"

The two... Aren't doing their typical morning routine it seems. As awkward as it always is, now the absence of it feels just as strange, if not more so. Something changed this… Did I change this? I merely acted consistently; if things were consistent then why would they make things abnormal?

"Hey umm, you two can... Y'know. Do your usual morning thing. I won't complain." I have to say something, I don't want this to be weird.

"It doesn't have to be every morning." Auguste looks at Celeste, before looking back at me. "And I know Celeste knows I appreciate her regardless."

"R... Right..."

I feel like I'm supposed to know exactly what's gone wrong here and how to fix it. Is that something a grown-up would know? I mean, there are stupid, awful grown-ups everywhere you look in Alesia. I assume that they wouldn't know what's happening here and how to fix it, right? ... Then of course, there's the always present possibility that I am simply 'wrong' somehow, that nothing I do is normal. I try to grab a morsel of food, as if I can drown my thoughts in action, but my wounds are quite opposed to the concept of me doing things.

"Serena, you're hurt." That’s Xena's voice... Followed by an offered morsel on the end of a fork. "Let the doctor handle the patient."

The confusion hasn't quite left her eyes, but it's no longer alone there, her usual kind of pragmatic view on things has returned somewhat. And that makes me feel just comfortable enough to open my mouth for her, which rewards me with food. She prepares a second morsel, I eat that one too. There's no fighting over the right to feed me this morning, it's just what it is. Xena's always taking care of people like this, isn't she…

She didn't flick me on the head about that kiss either. Surely someone as smart and sincere as her would know exactly what I did wrong, and act to correct it, right?

In any case, I eat, Auguste and Celeste share an entirely non-shameless morning together, allowing me to be the sole agent of awkwardness at the table, and Pasche eats in relative silence. Eventually the awkwardness just becomes part of the morning rhythm, and I can think again. Auguste said something about a speech, I've never been to one but living with him honestly has me quite curious about what he even does as a politician for The Convention of Humanity. And the speech was at the National Gallery, somewhere I've never been. I wonder if my wounds would permit me to accompany him, to see what this whole 'politics' thing was all about. If I had to be a grown-up, he didn't seem like a bad model to follow.

Wait... Paintings, Galleries... No. No no no, there will not be another tragedy, a third random moment of violence to almost kill us all again. This is going to be a normal day, this has to be! ... The other two locations visited by that blonde woman were hints in the newspaper crossword, weren't they? That very same day they were hit by mercenaries or thugs, people died, innocent people... And sometimes gossiping nobles, but there are probably a handful of decent ones! Probably...

Even if it's an outside chance, Auguste might get hurt. He might even get killed, people who believe in him might get killed if my speculations are right.

I hope to the gods I am wrong, but I am not going to risk it. "... Auguste, I think we should cancel the speech."

Auguste lowers his newspaper entirely, placing it on the table and looking at me attentively. "Serena? Is there something wrong?"

"It's just... The last two times a place was mentioned in the crossword, it was attacked. I'm worried about it happening a third time. The city has become a very dangerous place these past few days and I don't think these are coincidences."

"... Things have gotten dangerous... But that's the perfect time to show strength, isn't it? Besides, the city is increasing the patrols of gendarmes, and my speeches always attract a lot of them anyway, making sure I don't whip the crowd up into too much of an uproar and all. I'm certain it will be safe."

"The Glass Garden had the Royal Guards protecting it, and they still attacked it, people still died. Even 'safe' isn't quite safe, Auguste... And you know the gendarmes, they're not precisely pictures of grace and heroism!"

"That is true..." He thinks about my words for a moment, before raising an eyebrow. "What makes you so sure these things aren't coincidences?"

"... Because I was at both places when they were attacked, and there were two key similarities. One was a blonde woman, about my age, she was at both scenes. And the other was their objective. They wanted to steal paintings, specifically ones painted by a woman named 'Gina Silk'."

Now it’s Celeste's turn to ponder for a moment, trying to spin thoughts in her head until they form a cohesive shape. "That painting in the crossword, 'The Darkness of the Winter Sunrise', that's one of Gina Silk's paintings as well. They aren't especially noteworthy; I don't know why they would be used as a crossword hint."

"Unless it was being used as a signal for someone somewhere." I think I just unraveled a conspiracy... I might’ve been proud of myself if I hadn't gotten shot for this, if my friends and loved ones hadn't almost been shot too.

"Someone who might have another gang of violent flunkies ready to cause chaos and steal paintings, who might need to coordinate them in a city with a lot of gendarmes, if not a competent gendarmerie."

"... I see..." Auguste thinks for a few moments, before giving a resigned sigh. "If I cancel the speech on the day of, people aren't going to get the word in time to not show up. And moreover... These are the same people who shot you. If we cancel, they might disappear into the shadows, realizing their little signaling method has been discovered and switching to a new one. And then we won't ever have a chance to bring them to justice."

"... Auguste-"

Pasche of all people gives a nod, flashing a smile in Auguste's direction. "So you're willing to act as bait, while the rest of us hunt down the people who hurt Serena. You're braver than I thought a politician was capable of, Monsieur Rosierte."

"A courageous politician may not be a common thing, but I am hoping to blaze a trail, Mademoiselle Pasche." It seems the compliment goes to the man's head; he's grinning.

I look to Celeste to maybe be a voice of reason, but she’s quite amped up about this idea too. "If they think they can hurt our Serena and get away with it, they have another thing coming!"

Maybe Xena will be the one to tell them that this was a bad plan? "... I agree. The sooner we can stop the people trying to hurt our dear general, the sooner we can stop having to treat her wounds."

... Maybe Katarina will- What am I even thinking, of course she's on board with this plan... At least as soon as Xena passes it on to her in German.

They're all willing to throw themselves into an obvious trap, just for me. "... Okay, we'll do it."

Pasche's gaze falls back on me, and she looks about ready to throw me out the nearest window. "... I think you meant to say that WE will do this, right? We, as in the people at this table who aren't you."

"I can't let you all walk into whatever is going to happen here for my sake. You might get hurt-"

"You got shot! You actually got hurt! Serena, for the love of the gods, just let one single thing go, to save your fucking life!"

Xena leans in, giving me her best 'your forehead is about to be flicked' expression. "You reopened your wounds last time, it's a miracle you didn't bleed to death before Pasche and I found you."

I look down, even if I can't let them go alone I simply cannot meet their gazes. "... And you two were okay. Her Majesty was okay. Everyone got out alright. If I wasn't there... Pasche, I said I'd hurt for Her Majesty, bleed for her. I'd bleed for you too. And Xena, and Katarina and Theophania and Lazierte and Celeste and Auguste and... I only have one life to give but I'm going to keep giving it for everyone I care about even if they don't get along. I won't let you all go into the world of violence alone."

I seem to have given quite the dramatic little speech to my feet... But I feel better, I think. I think I needed to hear what I just said, that it's a step towards understanding what is and isn't normal, to balancing my goddess and my friends.

Pasche herself seems to be looking down at my feet too, just a little bit pissed off at my sentiments. "Don't think being sweet will make me put you in danger... Someone who loves you shouldn't make you bleed for them."

"You'd bleed for me too."

"But that's different-"

"You seemingly like doing it, you've taken shots for me just like I have for Her Majesty. So you of all people should understand, right? ... I'd never demand you bleed for me; I don't want you to bleed at all. But you expect me to accept that you want to, don't you?"

She winces, almost as if I've gone and shot her myself. She's quiet, the entire table is for a moment, the question of what to do with me hangs heavy in the air... Until Xena says something in German.

And Katarina responds, giving a conspiratorial little nod and her usual smile. This catches the eyes of Pasche and I, the two of us looking at the pair of foreigners at the table…

And Xena herself gives something of a smirk. "I think I have a solution to our little conundrum. If we don't want our dear general to get herself shot again, then perhaps we should treat her as a general, rather than a common foot soldier."

I realize her meaning quickly and audibly swallow. "You... You don't mean-"

"If we're really taking you with us, then we're going to bring an army."