"I'm… DEAD?!?"

"I'm afraid so," Veb the halfling said as he smiled pleasantly at Evika from behind his desk. "If you are here, that means that you recently expired due to our somewhat illegal operations on your world."

He paused as he shuffled through some papers on his desk.

"How?" Evika asked, "I was just sitting there, talking to Petunia…"

"Yes?" Petunia the halfling asked as she poked her head into the room.

"It… It was someone else."

"Oh well, since I'm here," Petunia said as she handed Evika a cup of tea. "Sorry about your death. I hope it didn't hurt too terribly bad. It wasn't Steve, was it? We have counseling or memory deletion available if it was."

"I… I don't know who did it…"

"Then it wasn't Steve. You would definitely remember an encounter with him. He's a very nice person when he isn't on the job, though."

"Okay…" Evika said as she once again tried to silently cast a spell.

It didn't work.

"Magic works differently here," Veb said as he continued to look through the stack of papers on his desk. "I'm sure you will adjust just fine…"

He looked confused and pressed a button on a richly gilded intercom on his desk.

"Harv," he said, "do I have all the processing requests?"

"Yep. It looks like Faun the Destroyer is taking a break… Oh, wait… (sigh) She's back at it again. Who the hell is that thing?"

"With F10w3rchy1d and Pantsu running amok, who knows," Veb replied, "All I know is that whatever it is, it isn't on our payroll and really likes fire… though it does seem to be branching out a bit now. These last few are starting to get quite creative. Are you sure there isn't one behind a file cabinet or something? I have someone here not on the list."

"Maybe she got here by mistake?"

"Nothing is truly a nonzero probability, but that would be quite unlikely. The bedbugs are nothing if not reliable."

((😊))

"Ah, there you are!" Veb said cheerfully as a mote of light jumped off of Evika's head and bounced over to a small covered pail next to the desk and hopped up and down excitedly.

Veb winced as he lifted the lid revealing a roiling surging mass of light pulsing with multiple colors as an unholy mix of modem dial-up noises and dubstep started blasting forth.

((Untz! Untz! Untz!))

((Woo!))

((🤩))

((😜))

((Woo!)) Evika's bedbug emoted as it hopped into the roiling mass, and Veb quickly replaced the lid, causing the truly horrible music to stop.

"Bedbug rave," Veb said as he looked over at Evika, who was standing there, jaw agape. "They are truly miracles of design, but their taste in music is awful. And, whenever you get a pile of them in one spot, they always decide to hold a music festival."

He sighed.

"I just hope there aren't too many unplanned replications," he sighed. "The last thing we need is an overflow right now."

Veb reached for the blue post-it still sticking to Evika's head.

"Goddammit, Pantsu," Veb groaned. "The champions were supposed to be repatriated."

He looked up at Evika.

"I assume you are a champion, correct?"

Evika just nodded.

"Between Pantsu and that Faun maniac, I am being driven to absolute distraction," Veb huffed.

"P-Pantsu?"

"Queen of the Dragons, Destroyer of Hope, Breaker of Parties, The All-Consuming Despair… She has many names, all richly deserved. She's one of the original monsters in our organization."

Veb "magically" produced an ornate sticker emblazoned with a pair of women's underwear, dragon wings, and the words "Mission Failed".

"Here," he said cheerfully, "One 'I was screwed by the original Pantsu' sticky, appliable and transferrable to any gear or clothing, and good for many a free drink and sympathetic ear should you accept your membership offer."

Evika numbly accepted the sticker. It was pretty.

"We… We were investigating the pixies going berserk and found… something… something horrible…"

"That was most likely her. If not her, then someone on her payroll."

"Oh no! Petunia! She's in danger! She…"

"I have some more bad news, I'm afraid…"

***

"So," Stephan said as he and David walked towards the road leading them away from the disaster that their party had become, "why didn't you tell us, you know, about what you were doing?"

"Like any of you would care," David bristled, "I got tired of getting shit about trying to help people."

"I obviously care enough to ask," Stephan replied.

"You were all, 'We have to level up. We have to get more powerful and defeat the demon king'. Roderick was well, Roderick and Evika would just agree with anything he said. Champions are dicks, man."

"Do you want to know why I am so obsessed with the demon king? It's because he's the only way I'm getting home. It's why I put up with Roderick, Evika, and, to be perfectly honest, you for so long."

"Why us?"

"Because too many high-rated teams won't go after him," Stephan replied, "You have adamantium-classed champions who won't touch the bastard. They are happy right here being rich and powerful… and not dead. Nobody has ever come back from their attempt, you know. Roderick will go after him. His narcissism demands it."

Stephan smirked.

"And his love for the Leroy Jenkins would make him the perfect meatshield. He would rush in like he always does and last long enough for the rest of us to make a proper attempt. It isn't the best odds, but by the time we were powerful enough to try, I would take them."

"Just so you could go home?" David asked, "Damn, did you live in a palace or something?"

"Quite the opposite," Stephan laughed, "My palace was a one-room hut that I shared with my mother, brother, and sister. Our estate consisted of a small yard we wrested from the jungle and was staffed by four chickens and a goat… I would give anything to return."

He chuckled ruefully.

"You aren't the only one who chafes at the unfairness of this place," he said as he pulled out a handful of gold. "To 'us,' this is nothing but a fraction of this would change the lives of my family forever. I have such wealth, and the people I care about the most have nothing… and lost what little income I did manage to bring in. Knowing that I can't help them is… maddening. That's why I am so fixated on the demon king. He's my only way home. Even if I were to return naked, with nothing, it is still enough."

"Yeah, but everyone who tries has died, dude."

"Yes, but if I do not at least try," Stephan replied, "then I might as well have died for real when that truck hit me. After my father died, it was just my mom and me. Now, it's just my mom trying to feed my little brother and sister. It keeps me up at night. It really does."

"Damn, dude. That kind of sucks."

"As always, your compassion does you credit… asshole."

They both laughed for a little while.

"So, tell me," Stephan asked, "Where are you from, anyway?"

"Just a place where brown people turn into pieces of brown people and nobody gives a shit," David snarled, "one of those 'oh what a shame' countries."

His snarl softened.

"But if you must know, it was…"

He was cut off by a piercing scream that could only come from one person.

"Petunia!" they both yelled as they started sprinting back.

***

As they rushed towards the creek, the pair saw Evika on her back, clearly dead, with a vicious wound to her chest, a naked (but perfectly soap sudd covered) Petunia…

…and Roderick standing over them with his blade drawn…

"EVIKA!!!!" David howled in agony and grief as he rushed toward her…

"David!" Stephan shouted as he drew his special short sword (which just happened to look exactly like a bolo knife), "Hold!"

David didn't listen (as always) and ran to Evika, tears in his eyes.

"No! Nonononono…" he wailed as he scooped up her dead body and cradled it in his arms, "Stephan!!! Help!!!"

"I'm sorry, David. She's gone… Isn't she… Roderick?"

David removed his cape and covered Evika's body as he buried his face in her hair and wept.

Pantsu winced as she cowered behind Stephan. It was okay, she reminded herself. She was going to make it right. This was just a little bit of immersion. That's all… That's all it was… immersion…

They would probably all have a good laugh about this later… right? Adventurers were always like this. They would get all upset, and then you gave them a sticky, and it made everything better. They would be laughing about this in the pub before the day was out and showing off the beyond ultra-rare (essentially unique) rigged escort quest failure stickies with her personal crest that they just earned. She hadn't run one of those in-game in like forever because nobody fell for it that one anymore.

It was in their scriptures, for fuck's sake.

"What are you talking about?!?" Roderick yelled as his eyes swept the trees. "They are still out there!"

"Are they, now?" Stephan asked with only half an eye on the trees. "Are they?"

"You…" David hissed as he drew his sword.

"She was like that when I found her!" Roderick shouted as he faced the pair. "Petunia! Tell them!"

"He killed her!" Petunia screamed. "He… He said… He…"

"WHAT?!?" Roderick yelled, completely in shock. "She's lying!"

"You killed Evika!" David bellowed in rage, "She loved you, and you killed her!"

"When she asked why," Petunia cried as she wailed that maddening wail that destroyed all reason, "he said he was one of the gankers!"

"She must have killed her!" Roderick shouted. "She was the only one here when I arrived!..."

"Oh, this is messed up," a little fae voice giggled as she nibbled from a tiny bag of tiny popcorn kernels.

"It's what we do," the demoness smiled grimly. "Psyops are one hell of a force multiplier… and this is just the warmup!"

Petunia started to emit a quiet electronic beeping noise. It was time.

"What's that?" Stephan asked.

"Oh, thank God!" Pantsu said as she dropped the act and turned into a blur, slamming into Roderick with her shoulder and sending him flying as she grabbed his sword…

***

"Petunia was the ancient evil?!?"

"And she stole my name again," Petunia said sourly. "Why does she always do that?"

"Because it annoys you," Veb replied with a chuckle.

Stephan suddenly appeared, also wearing a blue post-it.

"Well… shit."

David's body appeared a moment later, with his head appearing half a second after that, with a pink post-it attached as it rolled across the floor.

David did NOT look happy. Nope. He appeared quite put out, actually.

While incapable of actual speech, it wasn't difficult to figure out what he was saying. Nope. Not happy at all…

Then he saw Evika, and his expression of rage was replaced with joy as his body clumsily lumbered towards her.

Evika was too stunned to dodge as David's decapitated body wrapped its arms around her in a clumsy bear hug.

Veb just sighed, walked over to a magnificent globe covered with strange continents, and opened it, revealing a rather nice collection of spirits.

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

"At this time of the day?" Petunia asked.

"I believe that a soothing cup of tea is no longer up to the task," Veb replied. "Petunia, could you please reattach that gentleman's head?"

Stephan looked around expectantly.

"If you are awaiting your other companion," Veb said as he started mixing them all drinks, "He won't be joining us."

***

Pantsu, her eyes now solid black, smiled at Roderick as she held lightly held his massive blade in one hand as if it was a fencer's foil.

"What… what are you?" Roderick gasped as he struggled to his feet, staring at the mangled remains of his former party.

"Me?" Pantsu smiled, revealing a mouthful of needle-like fangs, "You know that thing that wiped out all those logging camps?... Guilty!"

"W-why?"

"When you wake up," Pantsu smiled, "you eat breakfast, don't you?"

"You were leading the horde of demons?"

"Sweetie, I am the horde of demons."

"But… you said that…"

"Yep… I said that… the completely innocent and defenseless survivor… God, you humans are so gullible! I did tell the truth about being imprisoned, though. There was a barrier around those woods I couldn't cross under my own power… I could, however, be carried across it."

She turned to David's headless body.

"Thanks, dude!" she said brightly.

She stretched, soap suds replaced by her ragged peasant dress with a "poof". (Keeping track of every single bubble was a pain.)

"Well, it was nice chatting with you, but I have a whole world to remind who was here before this demon king… and it's almost time for lunch. Have a nice life knowing that you were the one responsible for unleashing me."

She turned her back on Roderick and started walking away.

"I'm keeping the sword. That way, when I tell everyone that you let your party die and begged for mercy like the little bitch you are, they will believe…"

Roderick roared and hurled himself at Pantsu, knocking her off her feet and sending his sword flying.

Somehow, he managed to get it to it first (odd how that happened).

Screaming with rage, he leveled the blade at Pantsu and unleashed a beam of golden light, his famous retribution lance.

She dodged.

Laughing, Pantsu started running towards the road as Roderick, blind with rage, unleashed blast after blast at her, splintering trees and blowing deep craters in the earth.

***

Belinda Sternfist, level sixty Valkyrie and leader of the Valliant Avengers, a platinum-ranked team, rode her perfectly normal-looking horse along the road towards their rendezvous with her old friend Evika.

Evika did not sound good over the crystal link. Something was definitely amiss.

She made a note to pull Evika aside when they healed their NPC. Maybe she finally wised up about that dickhead Roderick. She hoped that was the case. They could definitely use Evika on her team, and even more importantly, she would be away from the golden peckerhead.

There was a loud report from roughly where they were going to meet, followed by another… and another.

"With me!" she shouted as she spurred her trusty Magnolia towards the explosions and flashes of golden light that could only have one source.

Evika's team was being attacked!

Soon what appeared to be a young teen ran onto the road.

“Ganker!” the girl screamed, “Ganker!!!”

Roderick burst into view and unleashed another deadly blast at Pantsu…

…who just happened to trip and fall at exactly the right time and in exactly the right place.

The blast streaked over Pantsu and hit Belinda, knocking her off Magnolia and causing her to fall, smoldering, to the ground.

Magnolia, Belinda's loyal steed (and the only thing she asked Trixx for), was a touch annoyed by this, and while Roderick stood there, transfixed by the horror of what he had just done, she charged, reared, and, with a vicious double front kick, caved in Roderick's face.

This was followed by a hail of arrows, magic bolts, and strikes from swords and lances.

The last thing Roderick saw was Pantsu, lying on her side, grinning at him.

At least the last part was fun.

***

"Mercy!" Iron Ironfist shouted as he stood over what used to be Roderick the Golden.

"On it," Mercy (no stupid title, thank you very much) yelled as she rushed to Belinda.

"It's fixable!" Mercy yelled as glowing green thaumaturgic circles appeared around her hands.

"No, it isn't…" Belinda weakly groaned as smoke slowly curled upward. "my cuirass…" causing the entire party to chuckle.

"Well, your actual ass is going to be just fine," Mercy smirked.

Iron Ironfist smiled down at Pantsu as she ran up and hugged him.

"It's okay, little one," he rumbled, "you're safe now…"

***

"It's as she said," Velma Fleetfoot said as she and Elandran the Huntsman returned from the woods. "They were all slain. The two men were clearly killed by Goldrazor…"

"And… And Evika?" Belinda asked, the words hitching in her throat as she, her chest now covered by a leather doublet, sat wearily on the ground, her back resting on Magnolia's side as her trusty steed curled up beside her.

"She was slain by some sort of magical bolt. It blew a hole clean through… probably the same bolt that hit you."

Velma smiled weakly.

"She didn't suffer. She probably didn't even know it happened… I just can't believe it… A ganker's guild…"

Belinda looked over at "Petunia," who was now huddled under a blanket while several party members fussed over her.

"That's what Roderick told her right before he was going to kill her… or tried to kill her, anyway. Roderick said that they were everywhere and had infiltrated a bunch of parties like he did."

"I knew he was scum!" Belinda snarled and then groaned and clutched her chest. "But to sell out to the Demon Lord like this…"

"Well, he was promised levels and loot. You know what he was like," Elandran said as he combed his fingers through his long lustrous hair.

"Yes, but how many others are just like him," Belinda replied, "I can think of a dozen right off of the bat."

"And I can think of another twenty," Velma said. "I hate to even bring this up, but do you think…"

"Velma!" Belinda snapped and then winced, "don't even start thinking that way! We start doubting each other, and it's over. I owe everyone here my life several times over, and so do you!"

"I know… I know…" Velma replied, "and I can't think of anyone who I would doubt for a second, but we need to at least…"

"At least nothing!" Belinda winced. "The second we start thinking that way, we go home. I will not be part of a team where that poison has seeped in. I've seen that sort of thing kill not only parties but people. Be honest, Velma. Do you honestly believe that we have a ganker in our midst? If so, we dissolve the second we get Petunia to the iron rates!"

Velma fell silent.

"Look," Belinda said reassuringly, "this is quite the bombshell, and the guild needs to know. Petunia needs to be debriefed by the guild, and if this is true, we must warn everyone. But, be that as it may, we cannot allow ourselves to fall prey to suspicion and start doubting each other."

Belinda paused thoughtfully.

"Contact the iron rates," she said. "We will escort Petunia to the guild. This is far more important than whatever is going on to the North."

As Iron Ironfist, eyes filled with concern, handed Petunia a cup of tea, she looked up at him with big puppy dog eyes and smiled innocently.

"Don't worry, lass," he said. "Belinda has just decided that we will be the ones taking you to the guild. You do not have to worry about a thing. We have no gankers, and you now have a platinum-rated team protecting you. You have been through much, little one, but you are safe now."

"Thank you…" Petunia said quietly, "I just hope… I just hope I can help somehow… That kind Evika didn't die in vain…"

"Oh… Oh…" a faerie said from inside a bush. "Oh…"

"Now you see," the Demoness smiled, "That is going to spread like one of your wildfires through the entire guild. People will start mistrusting their comrades en-masse. Entire parties will start looking at entire other parties as potential foes… and we will be doing false flags and otherwise stirring the pot, causing the one thing that all monsters crave more than anything else… a guild war. Oh, those are so much fun! You'll love it!"

She reached into the mini-popcorn bag.

"You know all that bullshit they have been doing to you?" the demoness smiled, "Now, they will start doing it to themselves."

"I like being a monster!"

***

Stephan, David, and Evika all sat at a table in a quite large, crowded, and very happy tavern filled with isekaied natives (all quite pleased with their current circumstances).

"There's more stew!" a woman in a peasant dress proclaimed as she hauled out a huge cauldron filled with distilled deliciousness.

"The cabinets keep refilling themselves!" a thin man yelled as he pushed out a cartload of flatbread.

"They say this ain't heaven," an old grey-haired man sitting next to the trio yelled, "and I agree. It's better!"

"At least the beer is good," Evika shrugged.

"Can you believe it," David laughed, "another goddamn isekai…"

"Bro," Evika snorted, "I heard you like isekais, so here's an isekai inside your isekai… fuck my life…"

She laughed ruefully.

"I just can't win!"

"Did you see how fast that little bitch was?" David said as he drained his mug.

"Actually, no," Evika chuckled.

"Sort of," Stephan replied as he sipped a glass of wine. "There was this little beep, she said 'Thank God' or something like that, and then…"

"The look on Roderick's face was priceless," David chuckled, "Of course, I only saw it for a moment… then I saw it upside down… then to the side…"

"Is that empty?!? Sinful!" a buxom woman said as she tottered up with a huge pitcher. She took a big gulp from it and expertly filled David's mug.

He raised it in salute.

"Bless you!"

"Bless this pitcher!" the woman exclaimed, "It keeps refilling! Finally, magic that doesn't suck!... Begging your pardon, miss."

"No offense taken," Evika laughed as she drank deep. "We do kind of suck, actually."

"No disagreement here!" David bellowed.

"Well, most of you are right proper bastards," the woman said, "but you three seem alright."

"That's because we're dead," David laughed. "It really takes the pressure off, you know."

"Was it pixies?" the woman asked as she took another gulp from her pitcher.

"Nope," David replied, "It was the embodiment of pure evil deep-fried in lies with a jailbait crust… I don't know whether to hate her or admire her."

"I'm doing a pretty good job of doing both," Stephan said as he admired his sticker. "The sticker is pretty, though."

"Sounds like you guys had it rough," the woman said as she plopped down next to them.

"You don't know the half of it…" David laughed.

"…Oh, that's just awful!" the woman said. "I just got burned alive. I think I got the better part of that deal."

"Burned alive?!?"

"I don't remember the bad parts," she said as she drank straight from her pitcher, "I think dear bedbug may have pulled me early. It was pretty clear I was a goner. Same for my little one. She don't remember it either."

"Your child was burned alive, too?"

"Yeah, isn't it great!"

"…I suppose it is… How fucked up is that?"

"Very," the woman laughed, "At least the food is good, an' they say we can go anywhere, even back… not like that's going to happen!"

They all smiled at a man who walked up with more bowls of stew and put them on their table, along with flatbread.

"Are there any, you know, actual employees?" Evika asked as she dipped some flatbread in her stew.

"They say there were," the woman said, "but we sort of took over. I mean, have you seen the kitchens? You have a mob with all the food you could ever want and the most amazing and biggest kitchen ever. There is no way we were passin' that up, an' we can pour our own beer or grab a bottle. After a while, they just let us have at it. They say there is a more 'polite establishment' for people with a stick up their ass… Maybe all the other champions are there!"

"There aren't any other champions," Evika replied, "Everyone else is getting sent back to where they came from."

"And good riddance to the lot!... No offense…"

"None taken!" David said as he reached for her pitcher. There was no way she was giving that miracle up, so she just refilled his mug. "We are all assholes… all of us…"

He looked over at Evika.

"…especially me," he said. "I'm not sure how, but Petunia… or Pantsu… or whoever had a little talk with me… or at least my head… before I wound up here… I… I didn't know that… um… what I called you… I… I didn't know, okay!..."

"She told you?!?" Evika shouted, "I don't care if she is literally a god. I'm going to kill that bitch!"

"She just said that I was really hurting you, not just making you mad like I thought… that's all… I didn't mean it…"

He looked down.

"I don't think you have an ugly face… I… um… Ithinkyouarereallypretty."

"What?"

"When he thought you were dead," Stephan replied, "He was quite upset."

"That doesn't mean I like her or anything!"

"Oh. My. God." Evika said. "Did… I mean, do you like me?"

"No…" David said defensively.

"What are you, twelve?"

"Shut up!"

"Holy shit," Evika said, a bit more kindly, "David, how old were you when…"

"None of your business!"

"Well, you've been here for years," Stephan replied, "so you aren't a kid anymore, even if you do have the emotional maturity of… You know what, it doesn't matter anymore. It's not like you ever had a chance to develop normally in that shithole… no offense," he said to the woman with a smile.

"None taken… trust me," the woman laughed.

"So, how old were you?" Evika asked with concern.

"Eleven," David said quietly, "I was eleven."

"I hate Trixx… I mean her boss… even more now," Evika said grimly.

"I think it was a mistake," David said, "See, there was the truck and the girl, like with the rest of you, and there was this guy who I think was the one they wanted… but… we got shelled. The guy dove for cover, like you do, and the truck got hit. The dumb girl just screamed and ran over to the truck and kept asking if it was okay… and the shells kept coming… so I tackled the dumb bitch and… Next thing I know, I was standing in front of Trixx, who looked just as surprised as I was, but she said that there was no going back, so she just put me through… I guess she did me a favor. It beats being dead… well, dead dead… you know what I mean…"

"Oh, David…" Evika said, reaching out and holding his hand, "I am so sorry that happened to you."

"Just another day in paradise," David replied grimly. "People died every day. I just got lucky… I guess."

He smiled weakly.

"I guess growing up with you assholes wasn't that bad… Hey, remember the time…"

***

"Oh my God," Evika shrieked, "I wanted to kill you!" as the ever-growing crowd around them burst into raucous laughter.

"It wasn't funny!" she yelled, "…okay… maybe it was a little funny…"

She grinned.

"I did get you back, though…"

A few hours later, the group was still drinking and laughing, all sporting shiny stickies firmly attached to their foreheads.

"Hey," Evika slurred, "How do we (giggle) how do we get these things off?"

"I don't know!" Stephan exclaimed as they all broke out into another round of laughter.

They all paused.

"We did make a pretty good team, didn't we?" Stephan said wistfully.

"Well, we did, anyway," Evika said as she took yet another drink. "Fuck that asshole."

"Well, you tried your best," Stephan smirked, "and that's what matters."

"Don't think I won't cut you, dickhead," Evika laughed.

"What did you see in him?" David demanded.

"I don't even know…" Evika sighed. "Just chalk it up to being stupid. I'm just glad that Pantsu saved me from myself… I wonder where he wound up?"

***

A multiverse away, Rodney Plinkins curled up on the sidewalk of a nice suburban neighborhood, crying his eyes out.

***

"…So, I guess this is it…" Evika sighed, "the last time we get wasted together…"

"Yeah…" David said. "At least we got to clear the air a little… before… you know…"

"Who knew that David was actually just a tsundere with a heart of gold," Stephan snickered.

"Awwww…" Evika cooed.

"Shut up!" David pouted. "I just said that I thought you were pretty. That doesn't mean that I like you… or… shit…"

Stephan and Evika broke into hysterical laughter, pounding the table.

"Fuck you guys…" David grumped.

"You know," Evika replied, "If you acted like this the whole time, you might have had a shot. You aren't half bad when you aren't being a tryhard dick."

"I don't like you, okay!"

“Okay… Roderick…” Stephan snerked.

"Oh, that's below the belt, dude," Evika laughed. "But, David, for future reference, if you like someone, just tell them, alright. If you act like a dick, then they will think you are a dick… which does not improve your chances."

"Last chance, David," Stephan said. "I saw how you looked when you thought you lost her. Do you really want to leave anything unsaid? We are going to have to choose soon."

David folded in on himself so hard that, if he had just a little more mass, he would have become a black hole.

"…Sooooo…" Evika said, trying to change the subject, "have any of you decided… you know… what you are going to do?"

"For me, it's easy," Stephan replied. "I'm going home. It's the one thing I have dreamed of since beginning this foolishness. I will be able to hug my mother and mess up my brother's hair once more. There is no other choice for me."

"You going to be able to keep your loot?" Evika asked.

"I don't care," Stephan replied. "I honestly don't… However," he added with a smile, "it would be nice. How about you?"

"I'm going to take the second isekai," Evika replied, "My life sucked and… oh my God… I can go anywhere, do anything…"

"But it will not be real."

"What is real?" Evika replied, "Besides, I can make it real! They have physical installations and a real exploration team! Imagine it! I could literally go anywhere. I could actually go to all the stars, see all the planets, and when I mean all of them, I mean all of them! How can I pass that up! I mean…"

"I LIKE YOU, OKAY!!!"

"Thank you for telling me, David," Evika smiled, "I know that wasn't easy for you, and I appreciate it."

"Do… Do you…"

"David," Evika smiled sadly, "You never gave me the chance to get to know you until right now. I honestly don't know. I mean, we do have a history, and we have been through a lot together, so…"

"Fine!" David pouted as he crossed his arms.

"You didn't let me finish you little shit," Evika said firmly, "See, this, right here, this is your problem. (sigh) David, you are a great guy, and I would love to get to know the real David, but you never let him out… The David you show everyone, me included, is an asshole. Tell you what, bring out the real David and let me get to know him, and I'll get back to you… I mean… If we weren't all literally going to different universes… speaking of, what are you doing? What's your choice?"

"I don't have anything left back home… literally nothing left…" David said sadly, "so I'm not going back… I'm thinking about maybe returning to where we were… maybe be a real champion, you know. Now that we know who the real villains are, I kind of want to put my boot up their ass. Besides, the NPCs need someone looking out for them during all of this shit. They say I can always isekai later if I want. Besides, I have a list of champions that need to be sent back home, if you know what I mean."

Both Stephan and Evika made little noises of agreement.

"Well," Evika said, raising her mug, "Here's to the end of a pretty damn good party. Utterly massacred by a little panty flashing bitch!"

"To us!" David exclaimed as he clashed his mug forward.

Stephan just smiled and did the same.

They all drank in silence for a moment.

"You know, guys…" Evika said, a wicked smile forming at the corner of her mouth, "Maybe it's the booze talking, but I have an idea… Stephan, they will return you to the moment you left no matter when they send you back, right?..."

She took another deep drink.

"How about one final run?"

***

The next morning, the trio, now sporting little horns, stepped out of a portal into a secluded mountain valley…

"Welcome," a handmaiden said as she approached. "Glad to have you aboard. Pantsu is… um… occupied entertaining another party of adventurers and sends her regrets. She wanted to personally greet you."

"We wanted to personally greet her, too," David the Demon smiled.

"Let her know that payback is even a bigger bitch than she is," Evika the Demon added.

"I'd rather not get my ass kicked again, thank you," Stephan the Demon smirked.

The handmaiden laughed.

"You guys will fit in great! Love what you did with the stickers!"

"About that," Stephan replied, "How do you take them off?"

"I don't know," Evika grinned, revealing her brand new fangs, "I kind of like them. It could be our thing."

"Oh, Evika," David gushed, "You are so wise!"

"Fuck you, David!" Evika smiled at him.

The trio burst into wicked laughter.

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