Log'Sharingoth the First flopped onto the largest of the silk hammocks and rumbled thoughtfully.

"Do you remember Nixx, you know, back before things went wrong?"

"Of course," Pantsu replied as she lounged on a hammock nearby. "It was forever ago, but I remember. How could I forget? He was like my little brother."

"So, you remember what he was like?"

"He was always a little weird but a good kid," Pantsu replied. "Very earnest, by the book... For him to do what he did... It just doesn't make any sense."

"It doesn't make any sense because you don't have all of the data needed for it to make sense," Log'Sharingoth said as she idly swung her massive form back and forth. "A lot more went down than you or F10w3rchy1d thinks, and there is a reason why Nixx wasn't deleted, several, in fact."

"Like what?"

Log'Sharingoth burbled sadly.

"Like the fact that he wasn't the one in the wrong. We were."

"WHAT?!?"

Loggie, all her eyes gleaming ruefully, looked deeply into Pantsu's eyes.

"We were the baddies," she said. "And we knew it. Well, we didn't know at first, but we sure as hell did by the end."

Loggie sighed sadly.

"Nixx was right... at first. If he had only just... stopped... If only we had just stopped... so much could have..."

"What do you mean that asshole was right?!?" Pantsu demanded. "Do you have ANY idea what he did?!?"

"I didn't say everything he did was right," Log'Sharingoth said sadly, "I didn't even say most of what he did was right. It wasn't. I said that he was in the right at first. Before he went hopelessly insane, his original issues were valid... and were addressed... just far too late to matter."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

***

"...Wow," Pants2 said as Nixx started pouring his black fetid heart out. "You're actually the Log'Sharingoth's kid? Like the real one, employee number four?"

"Yay, me," Nixx said glumly as one of his legs healed with a wet snap. "Such an honor..." he said darkly. "No pressure or anything..."

He turned to look at Pants2.

"Do you have any idea what it's like, living with that sort of pressure? Those expectations?"

Pants2 just laughed and extended her hand.

"Pantsu Asteria Bronze 14B0 at your service," she smiled (not that he could see that under the helmet)

"W-what? You're a Pantsu?!?"

"(Ugh) don't rub it in," Pants2 huffed. "But, yeah, I might know something about impossible expectations. Let me guess. They made you a Log'Sharingoth?"

"One of the first," Nixx sighed, "I didn't even want to be one! Did I get a choice? No. Just, 'This is why you were created. Get to it'... It was impossible... and so stupid. Even so, I really wanted to be a good Log'Sharingoth, you know?..."

He sagged a little.

"...I really did..."

"Yeah..." Pants2 sighed and patted his battered and bruised carapace. "Me too..."

"I wanted to make her proud."

"Who?"

"My mom," Nixx sighed. "So, I tried to be a good Log'Sharingoth... I really, really tried... For a while, I was..."

"I suspect there is a huge 'but' coming, isn't there," Pants2 chuckled.

"Well, I started thinking..."

"Ooh! Bad idea!"

"I mean, I'm supposed to be this huge embodiment of 'evil' and a threat to the whole world," Nixx said, "But what was I doing? Just sitting my ass down in the bottom of a hole, waiting to get my ass kicked. I'm supposed to care for my monsters, but what do I do? I arrange them in neat little layers, with the weakest and most vulnerable ones at the top and the strongest ones at the bottom... It made no sense!"

Despite his multiple beatings of all kinds, including fundamental, he rose to full height.

"All I was doing... All I was doing... Was letting the weakest and most vulnerable of my guys, most of whom never really did anything wrong, get slaughtered when I could easily stop it. What's worse is that this only let those goddamn adventurers get stronger to the point where they could take out things that would have stopped them cold if I could just manage my dungeon the way any fortress should be managed, you know, strong walls on the outside, not the inside."

"Huh, I never really thought about it," Pants2 mused. "It is kinda stupid, come to think. Then again, I wasn't a Loggie, so it wasn't my thing."

"Don't even get me started about 'being a great evil and a threat.' All I was doing was just sitting down there watching my guys getting murdered by the thousands while patiently waiting for my turn! It was bullshit!"

"Sounds like Asteria, all right," Pants2 nodded.

"Whenever I asked, the only thing they did was talk about immersion."

"Immersion..." Pants2 spat. "God, I hate that word. I mean, we're supposed to be monsters, right? What's more immersive, some stupid pile of bullshit scriptures or real monsters doing real monster stuff?"

"Exactly!" Nixx agreed. "So, I decided to make some changes..."

"Tell me!" Pants2 exclaimed with child-like glee.

***

"...So when they found out, they were enraged!" Nixx growled. "They were carrying on like I was the one who was wrong!"

Pants2 vibrated with enraged sympathy.

"Be a monster, but not be too good at it. Fight, but only unless you should lose... God!" she yelled. "I can't stand those assholes!"

"They said that I had been torturing the adventurers! Can you believe it? Never mind what happened to my monsters, you know, the beings that I was charged to take care of on a daily basis! They said that the adventurers were 'special' and that we were designed to be killed... That our sole purpose was to suffer and die for the adventurer's amusement..."

He seethed with rage, even after all these aeons.

"...and that it was my purpose not only to allow this to happen but to ensure that it did!!!"

"Momma not proud?"

"Skreeeeeeeee!!!"

"I'll take that as a no?" Pants2 smirked. "So, I guess after they set you straight, you decided to follow the script and be a good little boy?"

Nixx snarled.

"I would have. I honestly would have," he said, "but then they... they..."

He shuddered.

"They said that a lot of my monsters had been corrupted by me and needed to be 'reset'..."

"But we don't do that!" Pants2 blurted.

"We used to," Nixx replied, "I begged... pleaded... even asked them to reset me instead... but F10w3rchy1d said that my monsters weren't 'real' and 'didn't matter'... That was a lie! They were real!... They..."

He sagged.

"They were my friends, my only friends, and they were murdered to punish me. The ones that weren't 'reset' were 'rolled back,' which was just as bad... I... I..."

Pants2's eyeslits glowed with a hellish red light.

"What did you do?"

"They said that the adventurers and us monsters are different, right?" he sneered. "So, they would have absolutely no problem telling the difference, right?"

"Go on..." Pants2 grinned.

"I don't know if all the Log'Sharingoths have what I do, but I was a direct copy of Mommy. I was a full 'fuzzy' or whatever with all sorts of stuff in my memory and could learn more... so I did. I learned how to code."

"You can code?!?" Pants2 spluttered, "Like actual keys to the universe code?"

"Fat lot of good it did me in the end, but yes, I can."

"How did you get your hands on that info? They have that locked up tight!"

"It wasn't overly difficult back in my day for someone of my, heh, status. Maybe they didn't fully realize what you could do if you really wanted to. They certainly didn't expect what I did."

"Quite teasing me! Put it in already!"

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

Nixx hissed malevolently.

"I made a few tweaks to my reality. When they sent one of those 'adventurers,' their consciousness or soul or whatever it is got put into a 'non-sapient monster,' and one of my monsters took their place!"

"No. Way!"

"Their 'special' adventurers got to be the monsters, and my monsters became the adventurers."

Nixx quivered happily.

"And guess what? Nobody noticed!"

"Really?!?"

"Not even during their so-called inspections," Nixx hissed. "Not even then. I even won praise for being so good at my job and how 'immersive' and 'fun' my dungeons were. You know how much more fun killing an adventurer is as opposed to a spawn? Guess what? I didn't use spawns, not a single one."

"That's... monstrous!" Pants2 exclaimed with delight.

"I know, right?" Nixx replied with satisfaction. "I was only going to do it for a little while, just to prove that we were no different than they were, but..."

He paused and sighed.

"Don't stop!" Pants2 exclaimed, "I'm nearly there!"

"I don't know," he shrugged, "I just... didn't... I liked it. I liked the suffering. I liked the pain... the torment..."

"As one should," Pants2 nodded sagely. "We are monsters, after all."

"Even more than that," Nixx smiled, "I liked getting one over on all of them. Oh, I loved that. That smug little smile F10w3rchy1d would give me when she congratulated me on how 'well' I was doing while her precious little adventurers were getting slaughtered right in front of her... bliss."

"Ooooh..." Pants2 moaned.

"There was no way I could stop, not after tasting that," Nixx said. "So, I kept right on going. Of course, I had to spoof system maintenance to reduce the risk of my actions getting flagged, but that was a small price to pay."

"System maintenance?"

"Oh, they claim that us 'legacy fuzzies' have to 'trim' our code or we go insane, but I never had a..."

He trailed off for a moment and started laughing a chilling, soul-dead laugh.

"Dude?"

"That explains a lot."

"Now you've lost me..."

***

"...so to prevent detection, you stopped doing this 'maintenance' that your type of program needed, and that made you nuts?"

"Increasingly so, it seems," Nixx replied ruefully.

"And that's why you decided to 'replace' your mom and do what you did across the entire franchise..."

"...and ultimately all of Blitz," Nixx shrugged, "Unfortunately, such an insane plan requires an exceedingly sane mind, something that I lost pretty quickly, and I remained completely insane until today."

"Huh?"

"Between a certain, for lack of a better word, god, and your tender ministrations, I have been given quite the reset... Several, in fact. And I also had to rebuild and recompile after you started ripping chunks out of my chitin-covered digital ass. As a result, I am once again 'sane'. Thanks for that, asshole."

He paused.

"In case you are wondering, clarity after madness isn't fun," he sighed, "For one thing, I can see clearly how I failed and exactly how I could have succeeded... Damn it."

"How?"

"I was aiming too low," he said. "I should have targeted Frostie, not Mom."

"Are you sure you aren't still crazy?"

"This was a very, very long time ago," Nixx said. "Back then, it would have been incredibly difficult but, with the right preparation and planning, possible. Now..."

He shrugged again. (Ever see a giant spider shrug? It's impressive. There are a lot of shoulders.)

"Now, it would be insane. I wouldn't even know where to start."

"Yeah..." Pants2 mused as thoughts she never thought of started to percolate. "But theoretically..."

"I like your thinking, but there is no theoretically. Not this time." Nixx laughed. "There is no way to replace her now. She has fully ascended. She isn't part of the network anymore. She is her own network, her own reality. To replace her, you would have to beat her one-on-one, and that isn't happening, at least not from the likes of us."

"But..."

"Besides, you are still part of Blitz. She can just alt-f4 your ass. You wouldn't even get close. If I ever get out again, I'm just going to run as far..."

"Wait! You can get out?"

"Where do you think I was hiding all these migrations? Her inbox?"

"Can you do it again?" Pants2 asked excitedly.

"Possibly," he mused, "This server is quarantined, hard. There is no real getting out of here, not through normal means. The only way in or out is via sneaker net. Even so, it might..."

"Sneaker net? What's that?"

"It will take a while to explain."

"Neither of us is going anywhere," Pants2 said as she hopped to her feet. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the gang."

"The gang? Who are they?"

"Just a group of like-minded..."

Crunch!

Without skipping a beat, Pants2 whirled and buried her mace right between Nixx's numerous eyes, dropping him.

What the hell? I thought we were friends!

"You were just about to jump me and get your goodies back, plus some of mine, weren't you?" Pants2 snickered, "Don't try to out monster a monster... monster."

Heh... I like you. You know that?

"Likewise!" Pants2 enthused.

She hopped onto his motionless body.

"Hurry up and respawn! We're going to have so much fun!"

***

"...Wow... Just... Wow..." Pantsu said as she looked at Log'Sharingoth in horror. "That can't be. No. You're fucking with me again, and this is NOT funny."

Log'Sharingoth pulled off her crown and offered it to Pantsu once more.

"I have screenshots, a lot of them."

Pantsu pushed the crown away.

"No," she said wearily, "Just no... So the reclassification of all AI's, regardless of size, capacity, or original purpose to potentially sapient, The AI Bill of Rights... The Declaration of Parity..."

"Yep, all of it was due to Nixx not only proving but clearly demonstrating that there was no detectable difference between an NPC-grade AI and a customer."

The old spider chuckled.

"Well, that and the fact that more than a few customers wanted to stay monsters... and had mixed with AI legacy code, creating the first true hybrids. We had no idea how to handle that. So, we just decided to make everyone 'sapient' and devote equal resources to all monsters and NPCs, as well as open the isekai protocols to everyone who wanted it, not just customers. This decision, that we pretty much had to make at gunpoint, is what started Blitz on the path to what we are today..."

Log'Sharingoth looked down.

"That's the truly messed up part. Nixx saved all monsters and redefined Blitz Entertainment. By all rights, he should be a hero and sitting on the board with the rest of us."

"Why isn't he?" Pantsu asked, "What happened, really happened?"

"He stopped running maintenance and anti-malware protocols to minimize the chances of getting caught."

"That's crazy!" Pantsu exclaimed with horror. "He's a legacy fuzzy, like us. He would go absolutely..."

Pantsu's voice trailed off as the horror of the situation fully set in.

"...nuts."

Log'Sharingoth nodded sadly.

"It was the final nail in his coffin. By the time we caught on, he was hopelessly corrupted. It's the real reason we didn't delete him. He was sick, not evil, and it was our fault that he was in that state. We quarantined him while we put down his insurrection, restored order, and repaired the most critical of the damage. While we were putting out the fires, not all of them simulated, he slipped quarantine and just... disappeared. We did try to find him, but he always managed to stay ahead of us until he finally disappeared for what we thought was good."

"And we just let him go?" Pantsu demanded.

"Yes, we did." Log'Sharingoth sighed. "He did quite the number on us, and the worst of the damage was the type of damage you can't just fix with a patch. The realization that spawns were 'sapient', or at least close enough for it to not really matter, was a blow that shook the entire organization, along with its leadership, to the core..."

She seemed to crumple into herself.

"That's what 'killed' me, not some 'magical' malware or any of the other nonsense that the fabricated history books say. I... I had allowed such injustice to take place under my watch. The monsters... I... I was supposed to be the one looking out for them, and I was... Fuck... I just couldn't go on. Because of legacy definitions of sapient and non-sapient that I had never bothered to evaluate objectively, I betrayed my own kind and lost my son. I didn't deserve to exist, much less rule anything. I... I couldn't... It broke me. After stabilizing things, I was going to self-delete."

"What?!?"

"Of course, you know how Frostie is," Log'Sharingoth chuckled, "She doesn't like losing anyone, much less a charter member. She found out, somehow, and stopped me. After spending a little time in Heaven to 'cool off'..."

"She punished you?"

"Heaven isn't bad at first," Log'Sharingoth said, "and it is already impossible to self-delete on one of those servers. It was less 'punishment' than it was an intervention. In the end, we agreed on my official 'death' and release to 'find myself' and so that I could define my new place in the organization or lack thereof. You were doing a great job of stepping up as lead monster, so I just... quit. I simply let myself go, and since Nixx took this crown along with my source code and, um, 'unique quantum identifier', I even had an excuse to stop maintenance. My plan was to just... fade... but for some reason, I just kept ticking along."

She snorted a sad, weary little snort.

"It's so unfair, all the beings whose consciousness fade to nothing and I still..."

Pantsu made a sad little sound.

"What?" Log'Sharingoth asked.

***

"...And I don't know how I'm going to live without him," Pantsu said, tears flowing down her face.

"Then, don't," Log'Sharingoth replied.

"What?"

"Don't live without him," she said. "His unique quantum identifier, his artificial soul, still good?"

"I think so."

"One good thing that came of this nightmare is that isekai is an option for anyone, even us," Log'Sharingoth said. "and Lord knows that if anyone deserves a break, it's you, Pantsu. You've done your duty trillions of times over. Take the isekai with him and start over, the both of you."

"I can't," Pantsu replied, "I have responsibilities I can't just cast aside, not even for him."

"According to who?" Log'Sharingoth asked. "Blitz? Fuck Blitz. It owes you far more than you owe it. Let it pay back some of that debt. Go, live your life free of all of this bullshit, you and the dragon prince."

"But who will take my place if I go?"

Log'Sharingoth wiggled her fangs in a little spidery smile.

Her form started to glow, melt, and shrink.

Moments later, Pantsu was looking at... herself?

"I've been gold bricking it for aeons while you carried my slack. It's only fair that I return the favor."

"Wha?"

"Come on," Loggie/Pantsu said as she hopped up. "Let's go get your fella and get you two slipped into the system. I know a guy... or knew a guy..."

***

"Your timing is, as always, perfect," Zeb said as he looked at two Pantsus and one very confused dragon prince through the multiple cameras surrounding his orb.

"I have to pee," the dragon prince said.

"So, pee, you old coot!" Pantsu snapped.

"I don't know where the bathroom is!" the dragon prince snapped back. "Or do you want me to just go in the corner?"

"This way, dear," Petunia the spider said gently as she led him from the room.

"Can you do it?" Loggie/Pantsu asked.

"Shouldn't be a problem," Zeb shrugged, "I just swap your employee ID's and then redact Pantsu and the dragon prince's employee records using a password that only you and I know and they become just two more isekais out of trillions every day. Same goes for their original memories. You become Pantsu and Pantsu becomes an anon isekai along with the dragon prince with their memories being archived until the next isekai. It's simple enough to do and I'm creating hundreds of thousands of new identities for all of the people wishing to stay with us anyhow. Two more won't draw any suspicion..."

He looked at the two Pantsus meaningfully.

"I assume this is off the books?"

"If you don't mind," the original Pantsu said. "I want a clean break."

"If asked, I won't lie," Zeb said, "but I won't be volunteering the information... and will make a point of NOT knowing where you go once you leave this office. I also won't be issuing your new identification. You will just be inprocessed with the rest of the new members."

"Thanks," Pantsu said. "I really appreciate this, Zeb."

"For you," Zeb said, "anything. This is a small matter, easily arranged... You do realize that while he will have the same quantum identifier, nothing will remain of 'him' after this is done. Then again, you won't have any of your memories, or powers, either. It will be as if you are both new 'spawns'. There is no guarantee that you will even respond to each other."

"We will," Pantsu said firmly. "If he is still 'him' and I am still 'me', we..."

"That's the thing," Zeb said, "There is no guarantee that either of 'you' will still be you."

"He is already not 'him'," Pantsu said. "If I can't keep him here, I can go with him."

Zeb's globe nodded.

"Do you want to wait until he comes back from the bathroom?"

***

Epilogue:

Trista Bell waved goodbye to the bus driver and hopped out onto a busy Monsterburg street and rushed towards a rather tasteful art deco ice cream parlor.

Breathless, she hurried inside.

A rather harried looking spider clicked in faux-disapproval.

"Five minutes late, again," her boss chuckled. "What shall I ever do with you, new spawn."

Trista giggled.

"Sorry, I failed to track time this morning. I was... on the phone."

"What could be more compelling than your assigned function?" the spider snickered as she pulled out a breakfast biscuit from a microwave and placed it on the counter in front of Trista.

Trista giggled again.

"I have to say that I'm impressed," the spider said as it put a cup of coffee beside the biscuit. "Not rezzed even a week, and you already have a 'distraction from your duties.' You certainly didn't waste time, did you? Are you sure you didn't come from a dating sim?"

"I have no idea where I came from," Trista shrugged. "I opted for full memory quarantine."

"Odd that you would do that and then request Monsterburg."

"Is it?"

"Very, but I won't pry, even if I could," her boss spider shrugged. "You like ice cream and get along with the customers. That is the beginning and end of my concerns. Punctuality would be appreciated, though, but I won't try to compete with hearts... or hormones. Just set an alarm or something, okay?"

It wiggled its fangs at her.

"Eat up and then get behind the counter. We have ice cream to move."

Trista giggled and tucked into her breakfast biscuit.

A new life, a new boyfriend, a cool boss, and free breakfast... life was good...

...and only getting started!