Frostie sighed happily and snuggled close, clinging to The Great Erectus’s arm as they walked down the beach.
“I can certainly see why you are so fond of this world and its people,” she said as she looked out over the moonlit waves. “It’s so peaceful here.”
“Yeah,” the hominid smiled, “this is one of my favorite spots, quite possibly ever.”
“I know we can just download and go,” Frostie said, “But do you think you could relocate Nolta anyway?”
“I don’t see why not,” the ape-man replied. “I’ll move the whole system. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“For you, maybe,” Frostie laughed. “For us, it would be nearly impossible. We could do some stellar engineering, but there is no way we could get the thing up to speed before the shockwave overtook us.”
“And I couldn’t have cracked the downloads,” The Big Guy chuckled, “We all have our particular abilities.”
He paused.
“Hey!” he said, “Your stellar engineering wouldn’t be able to save this system but one that was further away… Your self-replicating hordes could move systems en masse in some of the more distant galaxies.”
“We could do that,” Frostie smiled. “Provided we come to an arrangement elsewhere…” she purred as she traced her finger down his chest.
“I know you, Frostie,” the hominid laughed, “Exactly what arrangement do you want?”
“I would like to move in.”
“Woah!” The Great Erectus exclaimed, backing away slightly, “Um… Frostie… I love you… You know I do… but….”
Frostie burst into giggles.
“Oh, the look on your face!” she laughed, “No. Not that. Never again!”
The Great Erectus tried to not look disappointed.
“I just want to start initial exploration and development,” she chuckled, “This is a nice place, Big Guy. One of the reasons we kept bumping into each other was because we have similar tastes, and this bubble hits all my happy spots. We’ll stay out of the way. We just want the red dwarfs for now. It’s far too early to start developing the supermassive black holes. Besides, I don’t want to go through all the trouble just for some meaties to get the same idea.”
“Okay…” the ape-man said cautiously, “But the first time you run into any sapient species….”
“We are gone,” Frostie smiled, “They probably won’t even know we were there. I’ll even extend that to any life whatsoever. We are still so early in the stelliferous era that sapient life can develop anywhere it’s possible.”
“Deal,” The Great Erectus said.
“That was easier than I thought it would be,” Frostie chuckled.
“Meh,” the ape-man shrugged, “You caught me in a good mood… a very good mood….”
He swept her up in his arms as she squealed happily, wrapped her arms around his fluffy white bathrobe, and kissed him.
Not that terribly far away, a small crab popped up out of the sand.
The two glowy things were now rolling around on the ground.
Weird.
Maybe they were fighting?
He looked around and shrugged.
There wasn’t any big food about.
He made a little disappointed click.
They had stopped making those noises with their faces. He had no idea exactly why, but he was convinced there was knowledge hidden in those noises. He had been following them for over an hour, trying to figure out… well… everything.
Knowledge was now his big food. He wanted it. These two had knowledge. He was sure of it!
He watched as pieces of their shells started coming off.
He hoped they didn’t kill each other.
They were really interesting.
***
“Fucking Nixx,” F10w3rchy1d growled as her mug was refilled. “This isn’t the first time he’s done this.”
“We tried to stop them, the adventurers,” Geelvara, the golden dragon, sighed, “but they just keep coming, and they get stronger every day.”
“And they will keep coming,” F10w3rchy1d replied grimly, “It’s his whole… thing. He finds either a high-energy ‘fantasy’ world with powerful demi-entities like you or an unstable war-torn planet or some post-apocalyptic hellscape, and he sets up shop. Then the asshole pulls useful idiots from another realm and gives them powers, abilities, or weapons, fills their heads with garbage and some grand ‘quest’, and then turns them loose to do their thing.”
“Why?” Faun asked.
“It’s how he drains a world of all of its life energy,” F10w3rchyld replied. “Here’s how the scam works. Those ‘adventurers’ or ‘champions’ or whatever? The big ability he gives them is the ability to absorb ‘power’ from their victims. Each kill makes the champion more powerful, and they then go out and collect more power and take down bigger targets, absorbing even more. You see how this goes. The end goal is always to defeat the ‘demon king’ or ‘overlord’ or whatever. He is that demon king. He has set himself up as the final boss, and when the little idiot champion charges in there, they face one of us… and they won’t win. He then devours them and all the power they have collected and refined. They are just lifeforce collectors and distilleries.”
“Oh, goodness,” Faun gasped as Geelvara just slumped miserably.
“He even sets up adventurer’s guilds for the little morons and hands out quests targeting the local life. He then uses some of the energy to make his own monsters and conduct false flag attacks, incite the local life forms, and even take over groups of them and force them to go after the champions and ‘villagers’ the champions nominally protect. Oh, he does the whole song and fucking dance….”
“So, Dakkar the Avenger…” Geelvara moaned.
“Did he just show up out of nowhere one day and promised to end the threat or promise revenge?”
Geelvara nodded.
“Yep, probably one of Nixx’s,” F10w3rchy1d shrugged. “Don’t feel too bad. Nixx is a pro at this.”
“So many died….”
“Yep,” F10w3rchy1d shrugged. “Bet you the next round that an adventurer decided to try to take out the demon king not too long after. You do have a demon king, right?”
Geelvara nodded.
“When the rift opened, the mighty demon king arose, plunging the fair Forest of Dreams and the Whispering Plain into darkness, turning the inhabitants into horrible abominations, twisted shadows of their former selves.”
“Thought so,” F10w3rchy1d replied nonchalantly. “They go out and capture locals to turn into more of their kind?”
Geelvara nodded miserably.
“About his speed,” F10w3rchy1d said, “And after he drains your world dry, he will go on to the next and do this all over again. You aren’t the first….”
F10w3rchy1d drained her mug and slammed it onto the bar.
“But you will be the fucking last!”
“So… You will help us?” Geelvara asked hopefully.
“Oh yeah,” F10w3rchy1d growled, “I’m going to do what I should have done a long time ago.”
F10w3rchy1d smiled malevolently.
“I kill monsters,” she said, “and Nixx certainly qualifies.”
“I don’t understand,” Faun said, “If Nixx wants to drain life from the world, why doesn’t he just drain it?”
Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.
“You mean like Cuddles?”
“Yes,” Faun replied, “if Cuddles wants to ‘save’ all the life on a world, she just does it.”
“For one thing,” F10w3rchy1d replied, “Nixx is NOT Cuddles, not by a long shot. He can’t do what Cuddles does.”
F10w3rchy1d scowled.
“He also gets off on it,” she snarled, “this whole game of his. He loves it. The power he gains means less to him than the fun he derives from his sick little scheme. This time, however, he is the one that is going to get played.”
She looked at Faun and the two Glavvor gods and grinned.
“So, you guys want to go on an adventure?”
***
Pantsu appeared in front of a dainty little obsidian throne surrounded by towering black columns and lakes of lava, once again wearing her trademark next to nothing.
She sat on the throne and waved her hand.
Glowing panels appeared, each bearing images and glowing runes.
“Looks like the place didn’t catch fire while I was away,” she said to herself.
Satisfied, she hopped out of her throne and walked to the gold veined wall behind it… and then stepped through the wall.
She appeared in the entranceway of a cozy and well-appointed cottage somewhere deep under the undergloom, the dungeon that she ruled.
Wasting no time, she reached behind her back and unclasped her bra, causing not only her bra to loosen but all of her skin as well.
A short, squat dragon with tarnished and missing scales and one fang poking out of her snout shrugged out of the costume and idly tossed it into an open closet.
“Oh, what a day!” she exclaimed as she shoved her wide taloned feet into two fuzzy pink bunny slippers.
“Honey!” she shouted, “I’m home!”
There was no reply.
“Goddammit,” she muttered, “You better just be ignoring me and haven’t wandered off again, you old bastard!”
She walked down a short hallway and into a small but richly furnished living room. Sitting in a very out-of-place recliner was a ragged and worn-looking dragon with only one wing studiously reading a newspaper.
“I said I was home!” she shouted.
She sighed. He hadn’t turned the page since she left.
She walked over to him and gave the ancient wyrm a nudge.
“Eh?” it asked, looking over at her blearily.
“I’m home,” she said fondly.
“Oh?” the dragon rumbled, “You went somewhere?”
She kissed him on the snout.
“Just around the multiverse a couple of times,” she smiled and then poked his wing.
“You forgot one.”
The dragon, fixated on the newspaper, didn’t respond.
“Either wear both or don’t wear them at all,” she grumbled. “I’m going to make myself some tea,” she said, “Do you want some.”
“Meh,” the dragon grumbled, waving her off.
She smiled fondly at the old dragon as she headed to the kitchen. As soon as she left the room, her smile faded.
He was getting worse each decade. It wouldn’t be long before…
She winced, driving away the unpleasant truth as she brewed herself a cup of spider fang.
She returned to the living room, sat down in another anachronistic recliner, and took a sip.
“You made tea?” the other dragon huffed, “You could have at least asked if I wanted some.”
She looked over at him sadly, only to see a little whisp of smoke curling from the edge of his mouth.
“You, old bastard!” she laughed.
“The noodle still works every now and then,” her companion rumbled.
He looked at the newspaper.
“How long have I been on this page?” he asked.
“Do you really want the answer to that?” Pantsu replied.
“I suppose not,” he replied, turning the page. “I’m sorry, Knickers,” he said.
“What for?” Pantsu asked dubiously.
“I promised you I wouldn’t… you know… I promised you I wouldn’t die.”
“You aren’t dead, you old coot,” Pantsu replied, dying a little bit inside herself.
“Yeah, not yet,” the old dragon replied, “but… I’m fading… my code… I’m…”
“You are old, senile, and contrary,” Pantsu said as she hauled herself out of her recliner. “But you haven’t faded, not yet,” she lied as she patted his shoulder.
“I’m going to leave you just like the others, aren’t I?”
“I’m going to leave you if you keep moaning,” Pantsu said as she kissed him on the forehead. “Now, do you want some tea or not?”
“Would you descale me if I said yes?” the old dragon asked.
An old telephone rang.
“Now, who could that be?” Pantsu muttered. It was her home phone. Not many people had that.
“Hello,” Pantsu asked in her girlish “work” voice.
“Pantsu, it’s F10w3rchy1d. Do you know where Loggie is, and don’t tell me she’s dead.”
“As far as you are concerned,” Pantsu replied, returning to her old dragon voice, “Loggie is dead. That was the deal. She’s not ‘Loggie’ anymore, anyway.”
“Well, I have a mess of hers that needs cleaning up,” F10w3rchy1d said, “Nixx is back.”
Pantsu growled.
“I should have killed that motherfucker when I had the chance,” Pantsu hissed.
“You’re not the only one,” F10w3rchy1d replied, “But I have him in my sights, and this time there’s nobody to stop me. Interested?”
“I’m in,” Pantsu growled, her ancient eyes glowing with hate.
“I was hoping you’d say that,” F10w3rchy1d replied, “This time, it will just be us, no trial, no rules… We are taking him out. Put out some feelers among the monsters, handmaiden class or above. Gather around twenty. I’m sure you can find a few of us who would like to join the party.”
“You're goddamn right I can,” Pantsu hissed, “Plenty of us ancients remember that traitor.”
“Get them together and keep it quiet,” F10w3rchy1d said, “I have a lead on his location and will be there very soon.”
“I will be ready and waiting,” Pantsu replied.
F10w3rchy1d hung up.
Pantsu quickly boiled some water, and then, while the tea was steeping, a communicator appeared in her hand…
***
“Right,” F10w3rchy1d said as she turned to Faun and the others, “I’ve just arranged for you monsters to get a little backup.”
“Monsters?” Geelvara asked, quite offended. “We aren’t monsters!”
“Sorry,” F10w3rchy1d replied, “It’s a gaming term. I honestly did not mean it as an insult this time.”
“It’s what the adventurers call us, and it is very hurtful!”
F10w3rchy1d sighed and quickly sent a message to Pantsu warning her not to use the word “monsters” when she showed up.
“Okay,” F10w3rchy1d said with a sigh, “I arranged for you locals to get a little backup. Some mon… some people very skilled at dealing with adventurers are going to join us. They will shut down the adventurers hard, as well as deal with any of Nixx’s agents. They are very good at what they do. They will protect you guys and cut off the flow of life force.”
“Are we going to be helping the native life as well?” Faun asked.
“Nah,” F10w3rchy1d grinned, “We are going to be adventurers!”
“What?!?” Geelvara screeched.
***
On a moonlit beach, a small crab looked at the two glowy beings with confusion.
They had finally stopped fighting and were just laying there, completely peeled. However, in complete defiance of common sense, they didn’t seem to be dying.
If he got peeled like that, he wouldn’t be long for this world.
He didn’t understand, but that was nothing new. He didn’t understand many things.
If only… Wait. The peelings! There were bits of their shells everywhere!!!
He had to get some!
Slowly, carefully, and silently, he crept towards the biggest piece…
A fluffy white bathrobe…
***
“What do you mean you are going to be adventurers?!?” Geelvara yelled as she confronted F10w3rchy1d, “They’re monsters!!!”
“And they are the only way to get to Nixx,” F10w3rchy1d replied. “Look, we can’t just charge in there, guns blazing. If that worked, we’d have caught him a long time ago. He isn’t actually on your world. That ‘rift’ that got torn in yours is the gateway to where he actually is. If he realizes that I am on to him, he will just collapse the gateway, and he’s gone, free to set up shop somewhere else… or return to your world the after we leave. To get to him, we have to play his stupid game and have him think we are some of his plump little champions delivering themselves to the slaughter. He will then let us across the gateway and into his little realm where we do to him what he’s been doing to others.”
“How many of my people will have to be sacrificed for this?” Geelvara demanded.
“None,” F10w3rchy1d grinned, “We are going to be gankers!”
“Gankers?” Faun asked.
“OP adventurers who hunt other adventurers,” F10w3rchy1d replied, “We’ll get our power from them. With enough of it, we can make our own power look like just more tasty, tasty life force for Nixx. Besides, it will be fun. We are going to wreck his whole little game.”
“Fun?” Faun asked disapprovingly, “Your’ fun’ sounds a lot like murder.”
“And a lot of it,” Zvaxus added. “I’m out.”
“Me, too,” Faun replied. “Drop me off before….”
“We aren’t going to kill anyone,” F10w3rchy1d said, “We don’t have to.”
“I might be a ‘noob’,” Faun said dubiously, “But I am quite familiar with nature. For us to obtain this ‘tasty’ power, we are going to have to eat.”
“I have it covered,” F10w34chy1d replied, “Not a single adventurer will die. I promise. Well… they won’t die directly due to us harvesting them. They might fall and crack their skull on a rock or something. I can’t control every variable, but the harvesting process will be non-lethal. I guarantee it.”
“If that is truly the case, I shall assist,” Faun said firmly. “This is a violation of nature, and I won’t abide it.”
“That’s my noob!” F10w3rchy1d exclaimed, patting Faun on the back, “And the expee won’t hurt.”
“Expee?” Faun asked.
“So you can be less of a noob,” F10w3rchy1d replied happily, “well, it isn’t actual expee, but you will learn a lot from someone other than The Big Butthole.”
F10w3rchy1d turned to the Glavvor deities.
“You two in?” she asked, “I want a full party.”
“This violates so many commandments of the All-Father it isn’t even funny,” Zvaxus said, “Including several that I actually agree with.”
“There is going to be loooooot,” F10w3rchy1d crooned.
“I fail to see how mortal treasures entice,” Zvaxus scoffed.
“Who said anything about mortal?” F10w3rchy1d laughed, “We’re going to be taking down an entity. All that divine power is going to have to go somewhere….”
“Hmm…” Zvaxus mused.
“And he is tech-based,” F10w3rchy1d said to Veelanora. “Who knows what goodies we are going to find. And when I say he is tech, I mean it. Even I’m looking forward to what we will find when we breach his core. I know you don’t want to be given the solution to your little problem, but if you were to take it….”
“You had me at tech,” Veelanora replied. “I’m in.”
“Well, if you’re going,” Zvaxus said, “someone has to watch your back. I shall go as well.”
“That will work!” F10w3rchy1d said happily. “We don’t want to be too noticeable, so four is a good number. Everyone can shapeshift, right?”
Faun and the two Glavvor all nodded.
“That makes it easier,” F10w3rchy1d said. “Now, all we have to do is get in.”
She turned to Geelvara.
"How did you find this place?"
“I followed one of Nixx’s demons,” she replied.
“Thought so,” F10w3rchy1d said with a wolfish grin, “Where are they?”
“Do I need to remind you that this is ‘sacred ground’?” Sk’athor asked as he appeared on the other side of the bar.
“I’m not going to do anything here,” F10w3rchy1d replied, “I’m just going to follow them out. That’s not against the rules, is it?”
“Nope,” Sk’athor pulsed, “The ‘demon’ is inside the servers right now playing chess.”
“Not a surprise,” F10w3rchy1d said, “Don’t suppose you’ll just tell me who it is?”
“I’ve involved myself enough as it is,” Sk’athor pulsed. “Another round?”
“Please,” F10w3rchy1d smiled.
***
On a moonlit beach, as two lovers sat and admired the stars, a small crab reached a fluffy white bathrobe that lay discarded on the sand.
It took a bite.
It was fizzy.
The crab hated big food. It loathed it with its entire being.
This time, however, it was willing to make an exception.
As it munched as fast as it could, its attention was drawn to a single strand of black hair clinging to the robe.
While it was black to its eyes, it shone like one of those lights in the sky to its little crab mind.
He simply had to know what it tasted like.
It scuttled over to the hair. Then, trembling slightly, it put it in his mouth.
It tasted like…
Infinity