The days that follow up my gym class breakdown are surprisingly fine. I'm still hesitant around the other girls, but now they all know why, and they actually seem to respect it. A few of them ask questions. They're pretty personal, but I can tell now- they're not asking to hurt me, and they recognize that it's awkward and uncomfortable for me, and they accept when it's too much for me to get into. That's how they all get a little more of the details of what happened with Bolin Vance and Lacey Monasta. They're sympathetic, but I tell them a few times that I don't want pity, I just want to be me.
The biggest change is slowly opening up to Marissa Bolton. It quickly becomes obvious that she's way too curious about things. She oversteps boundaries a few times with her questions, but never trying to hurt me- I can see that now. And most of the time, I can see her immediately berating herself for it.
I stay away from talking about psionics and the changes to my body, but with our continued swimming classes throughout the week, I'm pretty sure they all catch on to the fact that my body is female too. I don't really care about that. It's fine, as long as they aren't being invasive or want to see me naked...
Of course, all of this goes for the bulk of our class. Of the seven from gym who simply refused to accept me, three are from our class; the rest are from across the hall.
Piera Illen, Aida Everette, and Violet Quincy. They remain outright hostile and refuse to interact with me whatsoever, which quickly isolates them from the rest of the girls. They end up grouping together with a few of the guys, like Zeke Bransh and Kiri Hooper. I try to ignore the vile looks they send my way, glad that most of them sit far across the room from me, so I don't have to hear anything they say.
Still, the week is a definite improvement. With my outburst and the ensuing acceptance of the girls, more of the guys are starting to catch on too. Somehow, that's both good and bad. Some, like Charlie Totek act more friendly during our brief interactions, but I'm acutely aware the new issues that come with it. When they don't listen to what I say, or talk over me like it's no big deal. It's not as overt as their previous insensitive attitudes, seeing me as trans.
Instead, it feels more insidious. When I pay close attention, I soon realize it's a normal thing when they do it with the other girls too. So, misogyny. And they don't even know they're doing it, the same way I didn't recognize the crap I picked up from my dad.
So they're treating me badly because they do accept me. I really don't know how to feel about that one...
Apart from all that with my classmates, there's... one little issue that becomes more of a concern throughout the week. I'm starting to have trouble burning off energy between classes. My weakened strength is finally reaching the point where I need a lot of extra weight to make me strain. Leona goes back to pinning me, since that's about the only way to put enough force on me during our breaks.
But it's weird, she's using her powers to strengthen herself, even though she should still be way stronger than me. No matter how I think about it, it just doesn't make sense.
Well, as long as it works, I guess? I'm slowly getting closer to burning off the excess energy at least. Now that I've made it past that tipping point where I could barely break even each day, I'm able to take it down a lot faster. It shouldn't be long now.
It's kind of ironic actually. I'm going to be able to defend myself again, now that everyone's more accepting and I don't need to worry about being attacked like before.
In any case, there are ups and downs, but overall, it's a marked improvement from how things were before. I just don't feel so... alone anymore. Ostracized, just for existing. Then Saturday morning comes, and it's time for another trip to psi-ops. We take an early shuttle out like usual, arriving in Meridan Central with the rise of the sun, and make our trip across the ground, the megastructures above and neon below both familiar and unnerving when I remember our last time, forced to flee the city from a pissed off, unhinged psion. I just hope there are no more issues this time.
“Jinxed it...” I mutter when we arrive in the lab, and there's another, new psion, waiting for us with Mejja. Even as we approach across the clinically lit lab, I notice a few things. First, she's short. Really short. My height.
Despite that, she's clearly older, like she's in her thirties or something, but with a soft, round face and short, fluffy blond hair that makes her look a good deal younger. With this strangely inviting, kind of motherly aura, just like my mom has.
She's wearing a pretty simple blue dress, and as we pass through the tables and their piles of unknown tools, she waves and smiles. I smile back.
“Hi, I'm Mina Allanna,” she introduces herself, extending her hand.
“Seiko Maka,” I take it with my own heavy hand, to shake. Her eyes twitch at the touch, then I do the same.
Something is wrong.
That's all I can realize before I'm moving. She jolts as I pull myself forward by our connected hands. It's feels like I'm falling right at her. She retreats a step, blinking at me rapidly. But all I see is the blank between us, stumbling into it, her, inside.
“Woah, sorry,” I stammer and blink rapidly as I almost run right into her, and pull back, shaking myself free of the strange, foggy feeling. Then I notice our still-locked hands and yank mine away on reflex. “S-sorry,” I start to say again, before I lock gazes with her flaring green eyes instantly recognize the heavy weight on me.
What is she doing?
I pull back a step and divert my eyes, reminding myself that I shouldn't be able to see her clearly through her glow. But it's already too late, she definitely saw. Why is she using her powers in the first place?! I can feel it in the air around me now, so inundated with power that I realize I can pick up on the psionic energy, like right after a flood.
As soon as I feel it, it all comes to me at once. The meaning resolves, and I understand. My head snaps back to Leona, who's just watching all of this with her usual, vague concern. I can feel it. It's something in her head, she can't properly perceive what's happening. If I just-
At a thought, Leona's eyes turn to slits. “Allanna-san, what are you doing?” Leona snarls, her own powers flaring bright. I duck away, behind Leona's back and peek out to see Allanna's pretty face contort. She is terrified. Stumbling a dozen steps away, her powers sputter out, and she trips over a crate sticking out from under a bench. Her arms flail, feet slip, and she goes down, but she doesn't even notice. Allanna scrambles back on all fours.
“M-M-Mejja-san, what is that thing?!” Allanna practically shouts, a finger jabbing out at me. He blinks stupidly, like he's at a total loss for a few moments.
“What are you talking about?” he asks, face saying he doesn't have a single clue.
“Allanna tried mind-fucking us!” Leona outright drops the honorifics as she advances, her powers reaching through the room for the tiny, older psion pressing herself down against the side of a table.
“Are you sure?” his brow creases. That's when I realize, he couldn't perceive it either, could he? Holy shit, does she just use her powers all the time to keep anyone from realizing she is?
“M-Mejja-san,” I call. “She was stopping everyone from perceiving her powers,” I tell him. His mouth falls open slightly, eyes narrowing. I see when he gets it.
“Allanna-san,” he tone goes dark. “Why would you do that?”
“No reason!” she cries while ducking her head, but... What? “I just do, you know?”
He crosses his arms over his chest. “No, I do not know.”
“I-I- umm, it's-” she sputters, spinning as she looks back and forth between the two, still sliding slowly away along the table. “Just to smooth things out, you know?” Smooth things out? That's when I recall just a minute ago, our first interaction. How fine I felt with her. I didn't even hesitate to shake hands. Is that it? She uses her powers to make people like her? And to keep everyone from realizing what she's doing?
She's so distraught, I explain my thoughts to the others, and they're soon shaking their heads as she sputters agreements that I've got it right. Partway through, Leona lets her powers flicker out.
“Well, I feel like quite the fool,” Mejja sighs. “How long have you been doing this?” His question holding clear threat if she tries lying.
“All the time,” Allanna admits, deflating. “It's a habit, it just makes life easier when everyone gets along, when they aren't always worried about me messing with their heads.” Now that I understand...
Facepalming, Mejja says, “Not worried about you messing with our heads, because you make it so we can't. Wonderful.”
“H-hey, that's what happened,” Allanna tries defending herself with tears in her eyes, “as a kid, before I started... you know. When someone found out, everyone avoided me. They always thought I might be messing with their heads and blamed things other people did on me. Like I made them do it. My power doesn't even work like that...”
I grimace. Despite what she did, I can definitely empathize with her there. But... “That doesn't make it alright,” I tell her pointedly. “Just because of your power, you think you can cheat? Force people to like you instead of putting in any work? Instead of showing them you're actually a decent person? Doing it like that, you're just proving they were right about you all along.”
Leona knows what I'm really talking about, sharing my grimace as she hisses through her teeth. Allanna clearly catches it, glancing between us. With a long sigh, she pushes up to sit against a table, chastised. “So, what about you?” she asks shortly after.
My eyes narrow slightly. We share a look, just for a moment. Even without words, she's saying she knows what she saw when we locked eyes. And that I'm hiding it. As soon as that silent communication passes, I instead explain the other part. The one that's safe to talk about.
“I'm not sure, psionic powers don't seem to work on me correctly,” I say. Her eyes widen slightly in shock. I would explain but... “Does she know about your...?” I ask Leona quietly, referring to her powers, since I know their unique powers aren't supposed to be shared openly. Hell, apparently that's what got Allanna bullied as a kid in the first place. Never thought psions had to worry about that kind of stuff...
Leona returns a curt nod, so I go on. “When Leona tried teleporting me before, it didn't work right. It was more like I got thrown out of a moving shuttle, and I got seriously injured.”
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
“I see, so that's why...” Allanna murmurs. Then she glances Leona's way. I can see it in her eyes, not only does she recognize I could see through her glow before. She knows I did something to free Leona from her powers too. But she doesn't say anything, doesn't mention either of them to Mejja; she just looks at me once more, before lowering her gaze again. “I'm sorry, I just...” She shrugs listlessly.
“Fine fine fine!” Mejja suddenly claps his hands loudly and we all jump a little. “We can deal with you later.” Allanna visibly shudders and shrinks away when he scowls at her. “I'd like to get on with Maka-san's scan now.” He takes a few steps down from the computer he normally sits at. “Now, I meant to have you make an attempt at altering Maka-san's mental state while in the scanner to bypass its effects, but if your powers don't even work on her... Ugh! What a waste!” He throws his hands up in defeat.
Oh, so that was his plan... “Mmm...” I mutter. Her powers did work on me at first, didn't they? What actually happened? Did I like... get accustomed to them or something? I have no idea how to explain what happened.
I bite my lip, totally lost. I know there was enough power coming off Allanna for me to understand the psionics involved, and do... whatever I did to help Leona, but it's not like I can tell Mejja about that...
I give up. For now, I'll just go along with things and do the scan. If nothing else, it'll give me plenty of time to think. I head over to the scanner, and Leona moves to join Mejja. “Aahh,” he sighs, somewhere between dejected and exasperated. “You know what? Try it anyway,” he instructs Allanna with a wave of his hand. “If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Might as well throw one more test at the wall.”
“Ok...” She sounds like a whipped dog. Always using her powers, when was the last time she's dealt with conflict of any kind? I keep that thought to myself while I'm climbing into the scanner.
Even if she could hide her glow from people by using her power, I wonder what she did to avoid being caught on camera...?
Once I'm inside, the scanner buzzes to life with its comforting violet glow and perfectly still, dense atmosphere. I wait for a while, either due to the time stretching effect, or maybe Mejja is just taking a while describing what Allanna is supposed to try. Either way, it's a pretty long wait before I feel her power overlapping with the scanner.
It's interesting, actually. I can feel the difference between Allanna's power, infiltrating from one side of the scanner- my right side, the same direction that faces toward the computer Mejja uses. With so much energy all wrapped around me, I once more feel things sliding into place. The movement, the pressure, the power, it all makes sense again.
“So strange...” I murmur. It's all so obvious, how do I not understand these feelings the rest of the time? I feel out the poke of Allanna's power, attempting to alter my mind, a mental manipulation power. The way it's moving... yes, she's doing as Mejja said, trying to slow down my perception.
When her power touches me though, I can feel something unusual from myself. A movement in perfect lock-step with hers, so the two meet in the middle. Am I piggy-backing on her power automatically? In order to cancel hers out? That's absolutely what it feels like.
And then there's the scanner. It's similar enough to Leona's that I can tell it's her power being run through the device. Hence the light being in her color. I don't think I consciously realized that before.
Staying very still with my eyes closed like usual, I can feel the way her energy collides with my own, bouncing off to be recorded, a little bit at a time. But there's another effect encompassing me. It's definitely the time-slowing effect. Where does that one come from? Me? The scanner? Somewhere else entirely?
I don't really know. I can feel it all around me. It takes hours, maybe days, allowing my expanded senses to carefully explore the powers saturating this closed space, trying relentlessly to pick out the details.
What I find is that 'time-slowing' isn't quite the right description. It's more akin to stasis, the attempt to render time completely null and drag everything to a standstill. However, the effect isn't on me.
It's on everything else.
How is that even supposed to work? It's attempting to pause, what, the entire universe...? I guess that the universe itself is just too much? Or there's something conflicting with the stasis, instead only slowing things partially.
No matter how much I poke and prod, I still can't say for certain whether it's affecting me as well, or if I'm the only one completely unaffected, but I'm leaning toward the former. Like we noticed, I can't be living through an actual month in here each time, that wouldn't be physically possible. And slowing everything but me would... probably have the effect of me living through time normally.
Probably.
Besides all of that, there's also the buzz of energy inside me. That must be my PEP, and also the energy still built up inside me. I'm tempted to let it out while I'm able, but of course there would be issues with that. Mostly getting put on that registry as I show psionic powers right in front of Mejja, while literally inside a scanner measuring the stuff.
And second is that there's already too much power in here anyway. It's so flooded with the energy Leona's pushing through the scanner, I couldn't do it effectively even if I tried.
I probably spend half of my month in the box puzzling my way through all of these powers, how they feel, and their associated meanings. At that point, I lie my head back. I could probably attempt to mess with the stasis- no, I'm sure I would be able to mess with the stasis, but again, I can't do that in front of Mejja.
And besides, I still don't know where the thing comes from in the first place. It's definitely attached to me in some way, but how? Without knowing anything definite, interfering could be absurdly dangerous. It's a power that's nearly bringing the entire universe to a halt after all. Not the kind of thing to poke at without a plan.
The only other thing I really have to consider is how to deal with Allanna. She totally found out about my two secrets, even without a word between us about them. But she didn't immediately blow either, she held her tongue. Why?
I don't have the slightest clue. The only thing I could really do is try talking to her after this.
After a while longer in the scanner, my time is finished, and they pull me out.
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With my scanning session finished, we head up into the conference room, where Mejja takes his seat, and the despondent Allanna sits nearby. I try not to let my gaze linger on her and pay attention to Mejja.
“Alright, your scans are fine this time too. You're looking at another six-ish months before your PEP recovers. There's just one change, but it's still hard to say what it means.”
With his explanation, he flips the holographic image up above the table. Allanna, who's the only one who hasn't seen it before, gapes at the sprawl of colors.
“It's a bit unclear do to the filtering for the excess energy you have built up, but if you look here…” He expands the image with a flick of his hand, zooming in and pointing at one spot in my shoulder. "You can just start to make out your energy pathways again.”
I… can? If I really squint at it really hard? I tilt my head far to the side. Maybe...?
“As you can see,” he starts, even though I really can't, “the energies from the psi traces on you have changed your natural energy pathways. I don't know if the analogy holds, but you can think of it like scar tissue. I also don't know what, if any, effects it could have. For all we know, it's why psionic powers already don't work on you correctly, even though you're still months out from a full recovery.”
Mejja shrugs, adding, “I have no idea really, these are all just wild guesses on my part. I have years of data to sift through to try and find real explanations for these various phenomena.”
“That's… well, I guess that's understandable,” I sigh. I really am starting to wish I had some answers. Why don't psion powers work on me? Why am I sort of a psion, but only sometimes? But only piggybacking other powers, except for when I (if it's even me doing it!) put myself in a half-ass magical time stasis bubble?
I'm so confused…
“Anyway,” Mejja goes on without warning. “I'm assuming this little cheat's powers didn't even work?” His tone alone makes Allanna flinch.
“Yeah, no good,” I confirm. “They didn't work, it still felt like a month long.” I… probably shouldn't mention that I figured out something around me is causing the stasis effect, like some sort of reflex to the scanner… I did find out I could suppress if I tried, so he could get better data that way. But I'd be put on a list for it, so it's out of the question.
Ugh, why does this have to be so difficult?
“Now for you,” he finally turns a scowl on the short older woman. “While I would love to have you brought in for abusing your power, it would necessitate an explanation for how it was disrupted in the first place. All I have there, is Maka-chan's present issues, but roping her into all of that would be bad for our research. But don't think you're off the hook, I'll be holding this over you for a long time to come!”
“I understand…” is the only reply she can give. After all, she isn't even being directly punished, for basically brainwashing a ton of people for what, years? Decades?
“So, I think that's all, Maka-san.” His tone instantly flips back to normal when he addresses me again. “You can go now.”
“Yeah…” With a silent agreement from Leona, we head for the lift. I glance back at Allanna on the way out, Mejja standing over her with his arms cross. I'm definitely not getting a chance to talk to her now...
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We're out of the building, walking our long walk back to the transport terminal, when I finally speak up.
“So… I figured out, umm, kind of a lot from that, I think.” When she arches a brow, I explain. “You know how Allanna-san used her powers just outside the scanner? And how I can sort of understand psionics sometimes? It basically gave me a month to figure it all out.”
She blinks. “Oh.” She clearly has no idea how to respond beyond that, so I go on.
“I figured out a bunch of stuff. I don't quite get it now, but it's basically right there.” I squint as I say it. Having a full month to pick through it, I remember it all intellectually, even with the full depth lost.
“I'm pretty sure I can piggyback off of your powers any time you activate them around me now. Well, as long as I'm standing close enough, I guess,” I add on when I think about it.
“Hmm…” She considers that briefly. “Alright. Do you want to do anything about it? Like I said last time, I started training as soon as I could, to use my powers effectively. Do you care about that, or would you rather not?”
“Mm... Not really. And I'm pretty sure I don't have any trouble using your powers... for some reason.” I squint and tilt my head awkwardly at the thought. “I have no idea how, but piggybacking powers just kind of... works? Anyway, I mostly just wanted you to know what's going on. I really don't want to get out on any lists, you know?”
“Fair.”
“Oh, also, I figured out what happens in the scanner.”
Leona's eyes shoot open at that one. “Why didn't you mention that first?”
“Uhh…” It's not like I have a reason, the other just came to me first, so I shrug. “Sorry, I'm getting to it now?” She relents with a little sigh.
“So, it comes from a stasis type power that basically tries to put everything but me in stasis, but can't, so it's a lot like time slowing down. The power definitely comes from me, or something around me, or... something. I can't even begin to guess why. I'm pretty sure I could control it enough to stop it though.” Or at least that's what I thought at the time. I remember thinking it, even if I have no idea how it would work anymore.
Not mentioning that, I shake my head slowly and add, “I didn't because you know, the list.”
“Mm,” she nods in understanding.
“And also, uhh...” I gulp, but I obviously have to tell her this. “Allanna-san kinda... figured stuff out...”
“Stuff?” she gives me a look, and wring my hands together.
“She... The auras and piggybacking,” I practically mumble, but that's all I need to say.
“Wh-” Leona sputters. “Why didn't you mention that first?!”
“Because I can only mention one thing first!” I squeak, arms flailing in near panic at her response. She bites thumb anxiously, stalking a few rapid steps ahead as she thinks, before I speak up again. “But Leona, I actually think it'll be fine.” That draws her attention back, pace slowing. “She... I don't know. She had this look, like she understood that I was hiding it to protect myself. And she didn't say anything.”
“That's...” Leona searches for words for some time, falling back into step beside me, then plants a hand on my head to rub comfortingly. “You should know that's not very reassuring, Seiko. I trust you, but I don't trust her. Let's at least talk to her, alright? I'll give her a call later.”
“Thanks Leona.”
Our conversation finally tapers off, back into comfortable silence. We walk for a while longer, arriving at the transport terminal and wait for our shuttle back to school. With all the psion stuff behind me, at least until speaking to Allanna again, it's time to return to my more mundane worries. Mostly, the coming of summer vacation.
In just a few weeks, I'll be going home to see my father again...