-Point of View: Seiko Maka-

I'm back in my room after a nice trip to Jostole on Saturday when Mom calls. She asks me how everything is going and it takes a while to talk through all the shit that's happened since I came out at school. At least I'm off my period. Surprisingly, she congratulates me when I tell her about that. Why does everyone act like it's a good thing? It's painful, uncomfortable, messy, inconvenient…

When I ask her about that, she says it means I can be a mother. That I can have children of my own one day.

“Oh… right,” I mumble into the phone. I never thought of that. I haven't really put much thought into being a parent in the future. There have been so many things standing between me and even considering dating, it always felt so far off, not something to worry about yet. But having kids is normal, isn't it? Everyone has them eventually.

But… I like women. I'm still stuck on that when I finish talking with Mom and hang up.

Lying back on my bed, I stare up at my mobile and do a search.

'Can women love women?'

The internet's answer… “Lesbian?” I read through some basic information, confirming that 'gay' is a thing and how gay women are called lesbians.

Then I land on a site talking about how being gay means you have a mental illness, and my heart starts to sink. It says that the way to fix it is with… religion? They say you need to give up your life to God and how he'll cure you.

...What?

I leave that page, assuming it's bullshit, and look around more. I manage to find one pretty soon after that says essentially the opposite. That some people are 'straight' and some people are gay, that's just how they're born and there's no changing it.

That's a relief. I'd really rather believe them than the people who say I'm mentally ill… It still worries me though, what if those other people are right? And if they aren't, why would they spread horrible misinformation like that?

And then I find the hate. 'The gays are trying to destroy families.' 'The gays will perv on you in the toilets.' 'The gays will molest your children.'

“What the hell?” I scowl at the screen. Why would liking the same gender make you some kind of predator?

“Seiko, are you alright?” Leona suddenly asks from the other bed. I'm a bit startled, I thought she was taking a nap or something.

“Yeah, just looking something up.”

“What is it?” She sounds concerned and she's sitting up, definitely because of how I'm looking at my mobile.

“Just people online.” When she gives me a questioning look, I go on. “So, my mom told me how I could be a mother in the future, but I don't know how that would work out, because I like women.”

Leona's eyebrows shoot up. “You do?”

I pause, a shard of worry in my gut when I see her so surprised. “Yeah, I do.”

“Oh, I didn't know girls could like other girls,” she admits.

“I… didn't really either. I just know that I do, so I tried looking it up and well… So-” How do I explain this? “-it's called being… homosexual,” I read the full term out from my mobile. “It's also called being gay, or for women, lesbian. I'm not sure why there are so many different terms for the same thing.”

Leona is bobbing her head slowly, her full attention on me as she takes in the new information.

“So, the problem is, there are awful people online saying horrible stuff about gay people. Shit that doesn't even make sense, like trying to get wives to divorce their husbands and 'recruit' their children to be gay. It sounds insane.”

“That does sound pretty bad,” she agrees, “what does Laros say about it?” As soon as she asks, my blood goes cold. I'm already having problems for being trans, don't tell me there are more issues with being gay…

After a few searches, I come up with a list of countries and their policies.

“It says some places deny rights or kill people outright...” I gulp, my breath beginning to come faster when I realize that. Forget being trans, why do people care so much about who you fall in love with?

I keep scanning until I find it. “B-but not Laros, that's good...” I practically breathe out the realization in pure relief. “I don't see anything about being denied normal rights or anything... It does say Laros doesn't legally recognize same-sex marriage. So I… can't get married?”

That isn't the most world shaking realization after what I read about other countries where I could literally be executed. I've never been in a relationship before anyway. I have no idea who would even date me if lesbians are so rare, not to mention most people refuse to even see me as female...

“Actually, how does that even work if I'm legally male?” I do another search and find absolutely nothing about the Laros government having any way to change your legal gender. On one hand, that means unless I get some sort of exception, they'll never recognize me as female, but also... does that mean they won't stop me from getting married? “What a weird loophole...” I mumble. I don't know how to feel about this...

“I'm not sure, but as long as there are no laws outlawing it, you should be fine,” Leona leans back, visibly relaxing.

I don't know why, but I can't keep myself from asking. “Hey, Leona? Do you think I'll ever find another lesbian to date?”

“That's hard to say. Like transgender people, we only just found out about them ourselves. If there are any other lesbians around, they probably never heard of it either. And that's before considering how rare they might be.” I sigh and flop into my plushies, already feeling glum. Another couple searches, and I find that gay people make up... between one and ten percent of the population, depending on where you look and who you ask.

So somewhere between one in ten and one in one hundred women will even be possibilities, and I have no real way of telling who...

After scrolling a little further, skimming over different takes on the whole thing on both sides, I stumble across one particular mention that makes me shudder.

It's a specific group among the Laros' military high command who have put forth the opinion that gay people are a danger to the values and families of our country. Their statement contains the same sort of vitriol demonizing gays that I already saw mentioned in other places. So at least some portion of the government is actively against gay people. That is really worrying...

I keep going through the info I can find, expanding my understanding of the whole situation, and Leona eventually leaves for the night, teleporting back to her room. Just in case the administration wants to be sneaky and try checking up on her. There's no reason not to at least sleep there. A working bed is about all there is after all.

We say our goodbyes briefly before she vanishes in a heavy flash of indigo light. The feeling reminds me, I definitely think I'm starting to get a feel for psionics after so much exposure, but I'm extremely unsure of what to think about that. Especially after what Mejja said about getting added to a registry for it. Even if I do eventually figure it out, I'm definitely keeping it to myself...

With those thoughts still pestering me, I continue my research. Looks like transgender people are even more rare than gay people, and apparently 'bisexual' is a thing for liking either gender...

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“Non-binary?” I mutter the term when I come across it, and go down a whole new rabbit hole into different types of genders and how there are some (much more progressive) places in the world where people are slowly expanding on the idea that there are only men and women. I'm not sure I completely get it, even after reading for a while. There are people who just... don't feel like either? Or like something else entirely?

How does that work with gendered souls? Can it be pinpointed the same way as male and female transgender people? It's such a new thing, and such a small portion of the population, even in progressive countries, that I can't find any solid confirmation or explanation of how it works. I do find my previous search results that turned up mention of scanners finding energy cores of non-standard positions, so that probably relates...

“Hmm...” I continue to ponder that and research all the related topics I can think of for a while...

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Knock knock.

“Mmm...” I mumble, rubbing my eyes and stumbling up out of bed when I register the knocking. I almost trip over my own feet for a second on my way to the door, hitting it so it slides open. “Hey-” I cut short when I realize it isn't Leona. Or any of my other friends.

The curly blue hair bobs as Melissa Bolton bows deeply in my doorway. Suddenly very awake and very alone, I stumble back a few more steps.

Why is she here? What does she want from me? Am I even strong enough to fight off a girl if I have to? She doesn't look dangerous, but I raise my fists anyway. I'll never go down without a fight, ever again.

“Woah woah woah!” she waves her hands frantically while backing up into the hall. “I-I'm not- I'm sorry!” With no one near the door, it suddenly slides closed again between us. I sink to the floor, suddenly sweating and panting. After a few moments, there's another knock at my door. Quiet and hesitant.

I almost jump out of my skin anyway. I don't go anywhere near the door. Instead, I scramble back on all fours, unwilling to take my eyes off of it even though I know she can't get inside. I back into my desk, flailing a hand up and grabbing my mobile to call Leona.

No answer. Shit, that's right, she doesn't get any signal in her room because fuck trans people. I call Ken.

“Huh? Hello? Sei?” he mumbles sleepily into the phone. “What's up?”

“C-can you come to my room? There's someone outside and I'm scared.”

There's no hesitation. “I'll be right there.” Then he hangs up, and I sidle over to sit in the corner between my desk and bed.

He's on the third floor of the men's dorm, and I'm on the fifth floor of the women's. There's a loud, heavy knock that I know is him, within like, two minutes anyway. When I open it, he's there, covered in sweat and chest heaving rapidly. He must have sprinted practically the whole way over.

He tries to ask how I am. I can read it on his lips, but he's too out of breath to get the actual words out.

“Th-thanks, I'm fine,” I respond anyway. Then he steps through my doorway, standing close to my side as he turns back, to Bolton still standing in the hall, somewhere between shocked and nervous.

With Ken at my side, I'm safe enough to ask her, “Why are you here? What do you want now?”

“N-nothing!” she shakes her head, practically panicking. “I just wanted to apologize again!” Her eyes keep moving to Ken, and she actually looks afraid. Good, I wish she's stop messing with me!

Wait, why does she want to apologize?

“I looked around the trans dorms like you said, and I saw the living conditions there. I realized how terribly you've been treated, and I wanted to apologize again for doing the horrible shit I did to you.”

“...” I don't know how to respond.

“What did you do to Sei?” Ken asks when he recovers his breath, eyes narrowed dangerously. I didn't want to tell the others about it...

Bolton continues to bow down. “I let my curiosity get the better of me. I was a dirty creep and peeked at Maka-chan in the showers.”

“You...” Ken starts to bristle, but I put a hand up to stop him.

“I get it.” At least she sounds like she regrets it. “Just... leave me alone.”

“Is there any way I can make it up to you?” she asks.

I find myself scowling immediately when she doesn't listen and pushes. “Leave me alone,” I repeat, voice harsh this time.

“A-alright,” she finally agrees. “I'll just... go. I'm sorry...” She scurries away. Once the door slides shut again, all the tension goes out of me and I stumble backward onto my bed. Ken sits down at the side and quietly pats my head for a bit before speaking.

“You doing alright, Sei?”

“I don't know.” I'm still furious at Bolton for what she did, but seeing her so remorseful makes it seem like she learned her lesson. But why did she have to learn it after doing that to me?

What does she expect me to say? 'Oh, I don't care that you basically molested me with your eyes because you didn't really mean it?'

Fuck that!

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I'm quietly fuming about that for the rest of the day, even when we all hang out and have fun. Even when I'm working out with Leona. Even during my daily checkup.

“Seiko, do you want to talk about it?” Leona asks while I'm fixing my clothes.

“About what?” It's a stupid question, we both know what she's asking about. “I don't know. It just… It really pisses me off. That she can do that to me and then just turn around and act like she knows better and she's sorry now.”

“So what you're saying is, you won't forgive her, even if she's changed?”

“No, why should I?” I challenge her. But she doesn't respond and just 'hmms' at me. “Why do you think I should just forgive her?” I ask again, starting to pout.

“Huh? I don't, that's completely up to you.” What? Then why did it sound like… “I'm mostly wondering why you were so much more lenient with me.”

I blink stupidly at Leona, I think I've completely lost the conversation.

“What do you mean? You never did anything to me though.”

That raises both brows high. “I injured you - seriously. Twice. I broke your arm, Seiko. But you weren't even mad at me.”

“That? But that was an accident, it's not like you meant to hurt me!” I stammer, trying to reassure her.

“But I still did. Isn't it basically the same situation? I know physical and emotional trauma are different, is that why?”

“No, it's different! Bolton-san did it on purpose!” I scowl.

“But she clearly didn't mean to hurt you when she did,” Leona points out.

“Well she still did!”

“Exactly.” As soon as she says it, I get it. But that just makes me glare down at the bed.

“I don't care, I'm not forgiving her.”

“That's perfectly fine, Seiko. It's your choice.”

“Actually,” the doctor interrupts without warning, her heels clicking as she walks over to where we're sitting. “I think there might be a problem with that.”

“Huh?” But- but what she did!

“Maka-chan, I can understand you not wanting to forgive being wronged, but it's important to consider why. As Vicca-san explained, you had no trouble forgiving an accidental injury, even a serious one. So it stands to question why you will not forgive an unintended trespass of your privacy?”

“It was intended,” I argue back immediately. “She knew what she was doing! But she only cared about herself, she never thought about my feelings!”

“Alright, that's fair.” The doctor raises her hands in a vague calming motion. “So, she did something selfish, not realizing the harm it would cause. What part of that makes it so egregious in your eyes that you won't consider forgiveness?”

“That's… It's…” I don't know… “All of it. The whole thing is so wrong. I mean, look at why! She said she was curious! Curiosity trumps my basic right to privacy now? These monsters don't even look at me like I'm human!”

My voice breaks, and I start sobbing, Leona wrapping me in a gentle hug while she glares at the doctor.

The blue haired woman goes on anyway, sitting at the far end of the bed. “There it is. So it's not just about what Bolton-san did, is it? It's about how people have been treating you lately. You must have felt alienated, like an outcast among your peers. Does that sound right?”

I'm still crying as she asks me softly, and nod a few times through my tears.

“Now, I see why you feel the way you do, so what you're doing is understandable. But still, don't you think taking out all of that frustration on one person who wronged you - someone who has tried to make amends - doesn't that feel wrong to you, Maka-chan?”

“Mrm,” I grumble, not knowing how to answer at this point.

“Don't worry, it's fine,” Doctor Belinda says. She opens her arms to give me a hug and I hesitate briefly, still against Leona's side, before I shuffle forward and let her wrap her arms around my shoulders.

Softly rubbing the back of my head, she says, “You're a good kid, but you're going through a lot. You have to be careful not to let the negativity get to you or you'll end up bitter. Stick with your friends, and don't hesitate to make new ones. Let people learn and grow, and they'll become the allies who will have your back later.”

After her mini lecture, she releases me, to hold me briefly by the shoulders and smile down at me.

“...Thanks…”

I leave with Leona soon after, still trying to process it all.