When my alarm wakes me, I sit up drowsily, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. “Ahhh....” I groan and stretch my arms high up over my head. Yeah, that feels good...

Flopping them down at my sides, I turn to see Ken in his chair. The TV is on, but he's looking at the ceiling, a strange, amused grin on his face.

“Ken?”

He chuckles and waves a hand at me, still not looking. “What am I going to do with you?” he laughs out.

“Mm?”

When I don't get it, he goes, “Thanks for the show, but I already have a girlfriend.”

Oh. My arms come up to cover myself as I blush, but... Alright, I guess it is kind of funny. It's a lot less embarrassing since Ken isn't weird about it.

“Fine, fine, getting dressed,” I pretend pout, but I'm definitely not fooling him with that. I get up and pull some random, crappy clothes from my dresser. They get tossed on to give Ken's eyes – and my heart – a break.

When I sit back on my bed, I can't help but notice the bulge in his pants. I don't mention it, I still remember how horrible that felt, my body reacting like that without any way to control it. So awful and nothing like how I felt last night. Ugh...

Trying to put those awful old thoughts from mind, I lie back and grab a crab plush, rubbing it softly against my cheek to enjoy the cushy, velvety texture. If only I could wear clothing this comfortable.

Let's see, we're supposed to go shopping in a bit, right? I should head out to meet up with everyone. Before that, breakfast. “Hey Ken, breakfast?” I call, and he agrees.

It feels like most of my practice has centered around eggs and sandwiches up to this point. Hoping to expand a little, I ignore the eyes of the guys pull out chicken today. But what do I do with it...?

“Oh, I know.” I search around some until I find some potatoes and ground beef. It takes some time to chop everything up, but I think I'm getting pretty good with a knife now. Cutting through the sturdy potatoes takes a lot of strength though, so that's the hardest part, and I have to be careful to keep my fingers away from the blade. I just healed and I'm not looking to head back to the infirmary so soon.

I remember seeing Mom do this. The beef gets thrown into the pan and broken up with a spatula, releasing fat. Mom always drained it off or used it for other stuff. Here, I leave it. I throw in the chopped potatoes and chicken, and remember to add salt and pepper this time.

I turn up the heat and keep stirring everything around in the pan, getting it nice and fried up, then plate it. Easy, and... well, it's meat heavy and lacking in vegetables, but it's still all fresh ingredients, so it shouldn't be too bad nutritionally.

It's surprising how much it makes though. Two potatoes and some meat turned into an absolute mountain of food. I eat until I'm full myself, while Ken really lays into the rest of it. I guess he needs a lot of food for that huge body of his.

When I think about that, I bring it up, and after comparing numbers, we find that Ken weighs two and a half times what I do. That's... woah. If he wasn't my best friend, I'd be absolutely terrified of him. Once we finish and I throw everything in the cleaner, Ken escorts me outside, where Leona is already waiting.

In fact, all our friends are there already. Plus Matt Bell. I guess we've gotten in the habit of meeting up here, huh?

Ken and Leona share a look for a moment, like he's passing me off to her. Actually, I think that's exactly what they're doing. As soon as that's done, he goes over to Runa and pulls her into a quick hug. She hugs him back, but... I don't know, something feels off. When they come apart again, they both sit against the wall of the building, leaning into each other. Whatever I felt, it's gone.

No time to wonder about that, because I'm already turning to meet Jen's gaze. Everyone quiets. We haven't said anything, but everyone knows something happened. She still looks so guilty when our eyes meet, I'm hit with a confused tumult of emotions. Fear and anger, but also pity, and no small amount of pain. I can't even pull the tangled feelings apart at all.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” We exchange a tense greeting, continuing to stare at each other while everyone else attempts to pretend nothing is happening and continue chatting. Thankfully, it doesn't go on for too long before Gon shows up.

“Hi, umm...” he glances across all of the gathered faces. “I didn't realize, uhh, there would be, you know...”

When I pick up his meaning, I correct him. “Oh, no, these are my friends. Only a few are coming with us today.”

“Oh goo-” he catches himself. “O-ok, well, umm, hi everyone, I'm Trace Gon.” He bows with his introduction, face still tight and anxious.

“He sits between me and Ken,” I explain, “he's never in class during breaks, so I sit in his seat.” Most everyone nods simply. Apart from Jen and Runa since they're in class D, I think they already know him. “Let's go?”

We all break up to go our own ways for the day. Ken going off with Runa, and Lucy, Amari, and Bell sticking together. Leona, Gon, and Jen join me on our way to the transport terminal. We hop on a shuttle with a somewhat smaller crowd of students than usual. I guess the mall isn't as busy on Sunday.

They all bail at the first stop, while we continue on to Pilkton Square, the same shopping center where we went for clothes the first time. It's a bit of a somber trip. Gon gives me a basic overview of different fabric types, but it's a little hard to focus on him consistently with Jen on the other side of the shuttle giving off the air of a sad puppy the entire time. Is it really a good idea to bring her for this...?

Once the shuttle stops, we get off, and I bite my lip. Let's just... try this...

“H-hey, Jen.”

“Yes?!” she flinches after responding a little too loud.

“Where should we go first?” It doesn't really matter to me. I guess it's just... a way to interact with her again...

“Well, let's see, umm, where do you need to go today?” It's such a plain question, but it's loaded with so much tension, it makes me wince slightly.

Even so, I try to answer evenly. “I need clothing, bras, and a hair cut.”

Jen nods, the movement so stiff it's almost robotic. “Right. I'd say bras, then hair, then clothes.”

“Ok.” Some part of me wants to ask why, just to keep her talking. Keep attempting to connect.

Another part wants me to refuse her advice just because. That part isn't helping, so I ignore it. Still, I can't manage to push through the heavy atmosphere to continue the conversation while we head to the lingerie store. I just stick close to Leona's side and glance Gon's way, since he's been so quiet.

Even he has caught onto the tension and is clearly trying not to get into it. From the blush on his cheeks and his wandering eyes when we arrive in front of our destination, it looks like he's going to stay silent for now.

When we go inside, Lucy's older sister is at the counter. There are also a couple older women off in different sections of the store. Just seeing other people in here makes me nervous. I forgot how embarrassing it is to walk through a store with so much underwear. Especially how skimpy and revealing some of it is! Do people really wear this stuff?

“Good to see you, Corro-chan, Maka-chan.”

“You too, Miki-san.” I offer a small wave. She quirks an eyebrow, glances across our group, and immediately seems to pick up on our awkward tension. “So, anything you're looking for today?”

“More bras.” Even though we've done this before, I still can't help the blush of my cheeks.

“Alright, they're just over this way.” She leads us like last time, stopping at one small rack. “Are you sure you still want unpadded?”

“W-well, yeah, umm...” I don't know. Actually, what's the difference? “Sorry, what's the difference between padded and unpadded?”

Miki looks a little amused. “It's just how it sounds. Padded bras have a soft pad inside of them. Mainly, it helps add a little more size to your bust.” She sends a look down at my chest, and my cheeks heat slightly. I know they're still small... “Also, they help keep your nipples from showing through your shirt.”

“Oh. Umm, yeah, then unpadded are fine...” As underwhelming as their current size is, it's the only reason I can still hide them at school. Intentionally making them more noticeable is literally the worst idea.

“Mmmm,” she purrs, narrowing her eyes at me like a cat, “interesting. Here.” Dropping the look, she tilts her head slightly to the rack of packages. I step forward, and gulp. Even if it's a small section, there are more than a dozen different options. My eyes skim across all the different packages. I think I have some idea, but...

I turn around. I asked her to come after all... “...Jen...?”

“Y-yeah. I'll help.” She comes up beside me, and we both pause a moment, acutely aware that there's only a short space between us. Returning her gaze to the shelf, she scans it shortly. “So... why do you need new bras?”

“Mine are getting too small.”

“Ok.” I catch Miki looking back and forth between us throughout our awkward, clipped conversation. She has this sour look on her face, but doesn't say anything. Jen looks over the shelf again before pulling one package. “Here.” I hesitate when she holds the package out for me to take.

Come on, she's helping me, just like I asked. She's trying so hard. With a trembling hand, I take the package and say, “Thanks.” I look at it and read. Rivocconi brand, three pack, sports bras, light skin tone, unpadded, medium size... I try to commit it to memory so I can actually get more if I need to alone next time.

At least I know they should be good, my bras are the only article of clothing I own that are soft enough they don't feel rough against my skin. Even my other...-

Oh crap I didn't think of that earlier. My other underwear is no good, all my boxers are awful. The only saving grace is how they're shaped to leave space and not to really go up between my legs, so I don't have to deal with them feeling scratchy and terrible on my ridiculously sensitive girl parts...

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

But I'm getting new clothes now, I can't just stick it out with the same scratchy underwear, can I? It's already been a week and there's zero sign of my body hair growing back. It looks like I'll be dealing with the changes to my skin for a long time, if not forever. So clothes that don't drive me insane are non-negotiable.

With that in mind, I've dealt with the male boxers until now, but if I'm buying new, should I get more boxers, or should I actually switch to girl panties...?

I realize all of that at once as I stare at the package of bras in my hand, probably for too long, because Leona raises her voice. “Seiko? Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah, sorry. I just realized... I need to replace all my underwear too, don't I?” I ask her.

“Mm, yeah, none of what you have is comfortable enough to wear now, is it?” Her response confuses the other two women. Gon already knows, but he's currently trying to be invisible.

“Why is that?” Miki asks when it looks like Jen is too anxious speak up.

“I uhh, I guess you could say I just got... a skin condition?” That's pretty much accurate, I think, at least in terms of the end result. “It makes me a lot more sensitive to scratchy clothes, so everything I've been wearing until now feels terrible.”

“Oh, that's unfortunate,” Miki frowns with a pitying expression.

“...” Jen opens her mouth to say something too, but can't seem to find any words, and settles for a sorry look instead.

“So, I was wondering, do I go with more of what I have, or...?” I pose the question to Leona. It draws the eyes of her and Jen downward, since they know what I wear underneath. The other two catch it and follow their gazes, though they wouldn't understand.

Then Miki speaks again. “If that's what you're considering, we have a good selection. What style do you wear now?”

“That's, umm...” I flush red when she asks like that, but she looks confused, like she doesn't know why I'm embarrassed.

“Boxer,” Leona suddenly answers for me. I don't know whether to be relieved or angry or ashamed or what. Ok, definitely the shame.

“Ok, right over here.” Somehow, Miki isn't phased in the slightest. She leads us to another area, with a sizable selection of underwear. Rather than being fancy display stuff like they had further to the front, these are in more plastic packages, all hanging on little hooks. She points out one area, and I see the package there. It's labeled 'boxer.'

Girls... have boxer style underwear? I thought- I thought girls all wore those panties. Those ones you see in movies or pictures. I glance across the lines of packages, reading. Boxer, hipster, bikini, mid-rise, boyshorts... They just keep going... Why do women have so many different types of underwear...?

I have absolutely no idea what any of them are even supposed to mean. “U-umm?” I turn a confused look back to the girls. Leona shows a wry grin, she knows I'm clueless about all of this. I mean, I lived with guy clothes until now! There were only two options! With a flick of her eyes, she directs me to Jen again.

Jen... could help me with this. But...

Do I trust her?

To help me pick out my underwear?

I look at her and swallow hard. I open my mouth, but I can't get the words to come out. I try, but I can't do it. So I kind of gesture to the rack of underwear with my head. Clearly at a loss for words herself, she bobs her head a few times, and goes searching. She heads over to the section with the boxers and looks among them, her hand reaching for one in particular, before she stops, her fingers paused just a moment from taking the package.

Jen turns back to look at me, conflict on her face. She turns again to look over into the packages labeled boyshorts. She stands there, hesitating, then shakes her head, and goes to the bikini section. With trembling hands, she selects one, and holds it out for me.

I swallow and take the plastic package. My hands are shaking. I can tell from her indecision how much thought she put in. That's the Jen I know, always trying to make the best choice, to help me.

She puts a hand up. “Those-” She flinches a little at her own voice. “Those are... cheap ones... They might not be soft enough...” she warns haltingly.

“Alright...” I nod, and with a few more words, Miki leads us over to the changing room. She rummages under the counter for a bra that matches mine. After she passes it off to me, she double checks the code on the package of underwear I'm holding, and taps it into a tablet on the counter. There's a faint whir, before a pair of panties pops up out of a hole in the counter. Miki hands them to me, and I feel my cheeks heat faintly.

I couldn't actually tell since the ones in the package I'm holding are all different colors and kind of rolled up inside. Seeing them fully, they're exactly the kind of girly underwear I always think of as 'girl panties.' Jen specifically chose this style for me...

As I'm thinking that, just beginning to move toward the changing room door, Jen asks, “Sorry, are you sure those are sanitary?” Sanitary? That's right, Jen taught me all about the importance of changing underwear regularly to avoid germs because girls can get bad infections down there if they don't. I have no idea who or how many people have worn these already...

“No worries,” Miki responds easily. “All our test undergarments are sterilized before and after each wear.”

“Alright, that's fine then.” Jen sighs. I keep going, entering the changing room and closing the door behind me. It's only after I'm out of sight that I wipe the tears from my eyes. When she does stuff like that, watching out for me, it fills me with all these complicated emotions. Grateful and happy, but sad and hurt at the same time...

Once I bring my feelings under control, I pull off my awful clothes and slip into the new bra. It's still nice and snug, but not as tight as the one I was wearing. I open the door again, trying my best to ignore the shocked, blushing gaze of Gon as he spins to face the other way, and call Leona over.

“Is this better?” I ask, turning my back to her so she can check. She slides a finger under the bottom and pulls lightly, testing the tension.

“Yeah, this one doesn't feel too tight. It should be fine.” With her confirmation, I close the door again, then pull off my pants and boxers. I take the pair of girl panties and turn them around in my hands.

“Which way goes forward...?” I wonder quietly. I turn them around until I spot the information printed on them where a tag would go in boxers. That should be the back, right? Thinking so, I take a deep breath, and step into them. I pull them up, and they snap snugly around my hips.

Wow, the shape is really nice. Unfortunately, her warning was on point. The moment I move even slightly, they feel all scratchy. Rubbing like that, directly against my groin, I can't pull the things off fast enough. Holy fuck that feels awful!

Ugh. I have to shake myself, trying to forget that sensation, which just sticks around even after I discard the panties. Ok so, definitely need something softer, I figure as I pull my boxers back on, still cringing and shuddering uncontrollably. At least these things don't rub me there. This last week would have been impossible if they did. I swap my clothes back, then exit the changing room.

I hand back the test underwear. Miki puts the bra under the counter, then taps out something on the console before depositing the panties for storage again.

“So, I definitely need something softer, but...” I hesitantly address Jen. “I... liked the style. Thanks.”

“You're welcome... Seiko...” The tiny hint of hope in her smile hurts to see. After I avert my gaze, I try to switch topics as soon as I can.

Walking over, I address Gon for the first time in a while. “Alright Gon-san, you're up.”

“Huh?!” I looks like he's about to panic. His eyes flick left and right, to the women's underwear all around us.

“You said you know about different fabrics, do you have any suggestions for what to look for?” As I speak, I wave him up closer to Miki, who has one eyebrow so far up, it's going to disappear into her hairline.

“W-well, umm, I, yeah, I, umm,” he sputters. His embarrassment is only making it worse for me though. One part of my mind is screaming that I'm about to have a guy choose the fabric of my underwear.

Not thinking about that, not thinking about that...

“Just... forget about what it's for, maybe?” I try. “What do you think any good options would be?”

After flailing for words a bit more, Gon finally takes a deep breath and settles down. “Alright, let me think... A good place to start would be a cotton polyester blend. It's an improvement over pure cotton, but not by much. Maybe something with a little spandex too. But synthetic fibers hold in heat and moisture, which isn't always as good for long term wear...” As he gets into it, he visibly calms and starts to mutter to himself.

“So sticking to natural fiber would be best long term. Cotton in a microfiber weave would work for that and help with softness, and it's not as expensive as it used to be. Some natural rayon might be an improvement, and there's always linen or silk options, but they're more expensive...” He bites his thumb for a moment in thought, before looking up at Miki, who is clearly very both amused and surprised at this point.

“Umm, what do you recommend?” he asks her, going red like he just remembered to be embarrassed again.

Smirking, she responds, “Yes, some women are sensitive to synthetic fabrics, so natural is the way to go, just to be safe. Certain blends aren't a bad choice either.” She taps away at the console for some time, and I think she's going through their catalog from what little I can see. One by one, she produces panties in about the same style as the one I tried on.

Miki pushes them forward, and Gon's whole face goes even brighter red. Even pretending to ignore his reaction, she can't keep the smirk off her face as she says, “These are based on your recommendations. Cotton microfiber, a cotton-rayon blend, and ever-dependable silk,” she finishes with a wink.

It looks like Gon's hit his limit. Still red out to his ears, he takes a couple steps back, waving his hands in surrender, before he covers his whole face and turns away. Still trying not to think about to save myself from the same fate, I move forward to relieve him, scooping up the three pairs of underwear and quickly excusing myself into the changing room.

As I'm stripping off my pants and boxers, Miki tells me about their relative costs from the other side of the door, to keep that in mind. Mostly because the cotton microfiber is somewhat more expensive than the cotton-rayon, and the silk is like, triple the price of either of those. Oh, that's... yeah, now I see why I need to keep it in mind.

Thinking as much, I start with the cheapest option, the cotton-rayon. They're an unassuming dark blue color. After I slide them on, I'm pleasantly surprised. The mixture is softer than the cheap cotton earlier. It's nothing special, but it doesn't feel terrible against my skin, especially where it sits directly against my groin. Yeah, this works.

I try the next one, the plain white cotton microfiber, and it's notably better, which pretty much lines up in terms of price, and actually feels really pleasant. The pink silk panties follow and I can't say I'm surprised to find how soft and wonderful they are. I let out a low, contented breath. Yeah, these win by a landslide. If only they weren't prohibitively expensive.

“Oh well,” I shrug it off. After changing back, I head out. With a few questions and suggestions from Miki, I decide on the cotton microfiber. It sounds like it will hold up better against heat and sweat, which I put my clothes through on a daily basis at this point, so that's pretty important to me. With my decision made, we go to the section of the store where that one is, and I pick up ten pairs of the things.

“Umm, Maka-chan...?” Miki speaks up with a concerned expression as I'm starting to take them off the rack. “I know you probably need to build up a wardrobe because of your condition, but...” She grimaces apologetically. “We do have other options to choose from...” and she gestures at others on the same section.

When I look closer, I realize that they're the same ones I chose, just in different color options. “Oh, umm, thanks... I'll do that...” I... can get different color underwear? That's an option?

Instead of ten pairs of white panties, I change it up and get seven instead. I still get a couple white because I like how they look, but I get some blue, pink, and aqua green as well. After that, I also pick up ten pairs of the slightly cheaper ones, also in a variety of colors. I mostly manage to avoid grinning like an idiot as I do... I think.

I figure, if I need to change my panties twice each day – once in the morning and once after I sweat half to death – this will be slightly more than I need to make it through a week. Those all get piled on top of my three packs of new sports bras.

Given everything I'm already buying, I eye the silk panties. I could just get one for... I don't know, special occasions or something? But I'm adding up everything else and the figure is already pretty staggering. Do I even have enough to cover all of this...?

I pull out my mobile and check my bank balance.

“Woah.”

Holy shit that's right, I have like three months of pay from psi-ops sitting there now. That is a lot of money.

With all my money concerns vanquished, I grab a pair of the silk panties too, and we go to the front to pay. The price is astronomical, but it doesn't even put a dent in the ridiculous amount of money the government is throwing at me to basically be their lab rat. I swipe my mobile without any hesitation.

Waving to Miki, we leave the store happily. “Hey, Gon-san, Jen, thanks for the help.”

“You're welcome, Maka-chan,” Gon replies in his usual awkward way, running a hand up through his short black hair. Jen doesn't say anything. She just gives me this look, and that says it all. That she's grateful I'm even willing to give her a chance, to try and reconnect.

We keep walking, headed to our next destination. Time for my first hair cut in... how many years? I don't know, but I'm starting to get excited and anxious at the same time...