The worry I'd put off about our summer uniforms comes back and continues to plague me for the remainder of the week, with no solution in sight.
Saturday morning, I ask everyone to gather in our room because I don't know what to do.
I change in the wash room. A white, short sleeve polo shirt, with the usual blue tie for first years, and a pair of navy blue pants.
I walk out into the room wearing this, my summer uniform, and there's no question about it. Even if my breasts are still small, there's no missing them in this outfit. With a finger rubbing along her chin, Amari steps forward and looks at me from the side.
“I think things would work with a vest. The vests are optional for the summer uniform, aren't they?”
“Are they?” Lucy asks.
“I... think so?” Amari pulls out her mobile and starts searching. “I thought I read it in the dress code before school started...”
“You read the student manual?” Ken laughs.
“W-well, yeah!” Amari huffs, “I wanted to know what I could do with the uniform because normal clothes are boring...” She grumbles. While she's searching, I pull out a vest and put it on over my shirt. Everyone nods. It's loose enough to obscure the slight bulge of my chest. Then Amari finds what she's looking for.
“Here it is. Winter Uniforms can blah blah blah... Summer uniforms. 'Men's summer uniforms consist of a clean white polo shirt, year appropriate tie, and navy blue slacks or shorts. The top button can be buttoned or unbuttoned, and the sleeves can be rolled up into cuffs. The pants must be fit properly so they do not sag and do not reveal underwear. Pants must be cuffed if they are too long to avoid dragging on the ground. They may be replaced with shorts, but the same requirements apply, and shorts cannot end above the knees.' I... don't see anything about the vest...”
Frowning at her mobile, she scrolls, eyes scanning, before she groans. “There it is, girls can wear their vest if they want. Sorry Sei-chan.” There are a few sighs, before Leona speaks up.
“Actually, I think we can work with that. Since some students are allowed already, with a note from the doctor, we should be able to get you a special exemption from the administration.”
“Oh, that might work,” Lucy grins, “And no normal people read the manual,” she takes a shot at Amari, “so they'll probably just assume it's normal.”
“That sounds good,” I agree. “But, umm, what about my gym clothes?”
“Ahh...” pretty much everyone has the same response
“Oh god, I've been sweating so much lately,” I realize aloud, “My gym clothes are going to be soaked...” Even though I ordered off-white shirts to help with the see-through problem, they'll still cling when that wet.
“We could... also try asking for an exception for your gym clothes, so you can keep wearing your jacket,” Leona suggests, but she doesn't seem too certain of this one.
“It's worth a shot,” I say, scratching a hand through my hair anxiously. We have to try.
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Everyone splits up for the day after that. We go right to the infirmary to talk to the doctor. “I can write you the note for your normal uniform,” she says after we explain the problem, “but... I'm not so sure about the gym clothes, Maka-chan. I've seen the level of physical exercise you have to do every day. Keeping that up with your skin condition, and that much clothing on, in the middle of summer? You're going to get heat stroke.”
I groan. I know she's right. “I don't know what else to do.” The bed creaks lightly as I fall onto the edge of it.
“Maka-chan,” Doctor Belinda starts quietly. “You do know, keeping things hidden was only ever going to be temporary, right? There's no way you could hide the changes forever.”
“I know but...” I don't think I'm ready.
“I know this is too short notice. I can write you a note to excuse you from gym for a few weeks, but that's the best I can do, you can only miss so much class before it causes problems on your record. I don't know if you want to just claim it's a crazy psionic effect on your body, or really come out and tell everyone you're actually a girl, but at this point...” She shrugs slightly. Either way, my life is about to change. “Whichever you choose, can you prepare yourself for the change-over in that time?”
I shudder. “I guess I have to.”
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“What do I tell my parents?” I ask on our way to deliver the note to the administration.
If it's up to me, I'm definitely going to tell everyone I'm a girl. Saying just my body got changed somehow wouldn't cut it. Like I thought before, I'd just end up ostracized by everyone. I don't even want to imagine the kind of things men would do to me if they thought I was a man suddenly put in a woman's body. I've seen the way they talk about women as it is...
Leona responds, “That's up to you, Seiko,” while I'm still considering what I said to the doctor earlier. I just... need time to mentally prepare myself.
“I know we can tell the administration they aren't allowed to tell my parents, but there's no way word won't make it back to them,” I worry aloud. “My mom always gossiped with the other parents. If anyone from Ferrvale tells their parents about me, the first thing they'll do is tell my mom. And then she'll tell my dad, and then-” I can't breathe.
“Seiko! Seiko, calm down.” Leona gently pushes me over to lean against a wall. I have to take a minute to fight down the terror burning in my chest before I can even think again.
“S-sorry...” I mutter.
“It's fine, Seiko,” Leona assures me. “It's fine to be scared. This is going to be a huge change. I don't know what to do about your father, but your mother seems like a good person. I think you should talk to her. If you explain things, she may become an ally, rather than an enemy.”
“...Yeah...” As scared as I am, however it goes, I already know. I can't let her find out through rumors and gossip. I have to tell Mom myself. “Will you help me?”
“Of course.”
It's during my weekend call home after we go to the bitchy administrator's office to turn in my note for a uniform and gym exemption, when I tell Mom I want to meet her again. I don't have it in me to do it this weekend, and she's busy next weekend, so we plan to meet in two weeks. It's a short discussion to decide we'll meet up in Teekton, since it's partway between Ferrvale and the school. It's obvious that Mom can tell something is up, she must know I want to talk about it when we meet.
“Just hang in there Seiko, my strong man.”
I wince. “Yeah, I will, Mom.”
We hang up, and the next thing I know, I'm crying. Leona sits nearby, comforting me, until I feel a little better.
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The next days blur together. It's all school, and working out to burn off energy, and hanging out with friends as much as I can as I try to mentally prepare myself for what's to come. Then June arrives, with our new school term and the change to our summer uniforms. On a Friday again, like the start of our spring term. The day before I'm supposed to meet my mom.
I get dressed, straightening out my shirt and vest, and have Ken take a look. “Gonna have to be good enough,” he says with an understanding shrug.
“Y-yeah, pretty much.” With that said, we head to class. On the way across campus, I see lots of other people from the dorms heading the same way. I'm relieved to see I'm not the only one wearing a vest, though of course, the rest are women. My heart flutters a little when I realize that I'm sort of, technically dressing like a girl at school. Not really since it's still a guy's vest, without the bow, but it's something.
But that makes me remember again that come a few weeks from now, I'm not going to be able to hide it anymore. I gulp roughly. I've gotten to the point where it doesn't make me panic outright, but all my insides twist up at the prospect of what happens after that. Being an outcast, being disowned, being attacked - verbally or even physically. I don't even fully know what to expect, but I know bullying is a definite possibility. Again.
I'm still worrying about that, and realizing I'm going to need to buy all new uniforms again, when we reach the classroom. Everyone else sits around me, with the same sort of vaguely nervous tension in the air. I am glad to see that Amari also decided to wear her vest with her uniform, and thank her quietly. It makes me feel not quite so alone in this. She laughs it off and says that she has to do something to dress up the bland summer uniform.
But then of course, Bray Folle comes up. “Maka-san, you do know that according to the dress code, only women are allowed to wear their vests with their summer uniforms, right?” Of course the ever-studious class rep is the one who has read the student handbook...
I try to keep my reply even, hiding the boil of anxiety inside me. “I know, I got a medical exemption from the administration.”
“A medical exception? To wear your vest?” He raises a brow, because obviously that's a really weird thing to do.
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
“Yes.” I don't explain any further. I literally can't. Thank god the doctor is on my side...
After his moment of suspicious hesitation, Folle shrugs. “As long as it's been approved. I'm assuming the staff already know?”
“Uhh.” I don't know about that one. “I told the administrator. She... should have told the staff?” It is her job, but...
Following that conversation, I immediately discover that she did not tell any of the staff. Throughout the day, I have to explain the same thing to every teacher that comes in. There are a few interested murmurs the first time, but after that, I'm grateful that no one seems to care. Given all the previous rumors of something going on with me, Leona, and psi-ops, and how we go to the infirmary every day, it probably isn't much of a surprise that I have 'medical stuff' going on.
At least there's some upside to all those crappy rumors that have been going around for so long.
With the start of the new term, at least we have a change in our schedule. Most of our classes are the same, but they move to different parts of the day, and we swap out our science from biology to physics.
The big change is life skills. Taking the last class block of the day, it pushes gym earlier, with our usual non-class last period after. Life skills covers a whole array of different things that, as the name implies, we'll actually need to know as adults.
When the teacher starts going over the basics, he explains that things will be split up by week, rotating so we can cover everything we need to. For our first year, we'll be switching between sex education, driving, and self-sufficiency classes, focused on cooking, cleaning, how to wash clothes, and so on.
It's... weird. We really could have used those self-sufficiency classes first thing, but they only start them the second term. Why? So we can see what it's like to live on our own without knowing how? Harsh, but I could see it.
I mean, I've gotten by since I at least paid some attention to Mom taking care of the house when I was younger and she took a minute here and there to show me the basics. I've seen the washers and driers out of order more times than I can count from the guys in the dorm having zero idea how to do their own laundry. Not to mention, I think I'm the only one on my dorm floor who's really used the kitchen. And I'm a girl.
And I only recently learned about sexism? God, I feel like I've been living with a blindfold on all these years, how could I miss crap like that going on around me?
Also, why are we learning to drive?
In any case, I'm surprised when we start right off with sex ed. Rather than the biological explanation of how a baby is physically made and grows inside of a woman, like we what we learned in middle school, the teacher makes it explicitly clear, right from the beginning, that we are now adults. Therefore, we will be meeting partners, dating, having sex, building families, and having children. That's just what you do as an adult.
“As such,” the man declares pointedly, “I will be teaching your how, and more importantly, how not to go around having children.” While the class that follows is kind of embarrassing to listen to, the man's razor sharp, clinical breakdown on contraceptives is actually really informative.
When the bell rings, I'm impressed, I actually learned a lot of useful information there, even if I'm in no situation where dating is on the table for me right now. Hell, I like women. Now that I am one – physically – I can't have children anyway. Wait, can women even like other women? Is that going to be a problem? I start worrying about that during last period, while Folle stands up at the front of the class and gives some vague rundown on- Wait, what is he talking about?
Something he said caught my attention, so I raise my hand and ask him to repeat himself.
“I said, we'll be having physicals on Monday for the start of term, in place of our gym class. We will still be changing clothes, so make sure you bring your gym clothes with you. Also,” he adds, specifically to me this time, “I know you are currently excused from gym, but you will need to participate in the physical too, so make sure to bring your gym clothes on Monday, Maka-san.”
“A-ahh...”
He goes onto other topics after that, longer term things that aren't remotely as important as the physical. I have to talk to the doctor.
As soon as class is over, I carry Leona all the way to the infirmary on my back. “Wow, Seiko,” she looks amazed as she praises me, once I've set her down just outside the door. “You made it all the way here this time. I'm panting and drenched in sweat again, but I made it. I'm still too caught up with my worries to celebrate though.
As soon as we go inside, I ask the doctor about it.
“Oh, no worries,” she waves off my concerns. “I'll just do your physical now. Don't worry about changing, I'll excuse you from it on Monday.
“Oh. Ok.” Yeah, that's good. I let out a slow breath and sit down. “I was really worried. You know?”
“Yes, that's understandable. Do you think you're going to be ready? You only have two weeks left.”
“Honestly, I don't really know,” I admit. “I don't know if it's even possible to really be ready for something like this. But I'm trying. I'm telling my mom tomorrow.”
“Oh? I hope it goes well,” she says, smiling hopefully.
“Yeah, me too.”
After I drink a few more glasses of water to recover, Leona checks me for today. I think I've burned down the energy in me, at least a little, with my brutal workouts these past weeks. Will I be able to recover my strength by the time I tell everyone? I would feel a lot safer if I could physically defend myself at that point...
Afterward, the doctor brings me into a curtained off area for privacy while Leona lies down to recover. She has me take off my all clothes, and runs me through a whole battery of tests. Height, weight, measurements, she draws some blood... “Is all of this really necessary?” I ask as she's poking around with a little light in my ear. At least she's being gentle and I'm pretty comfortable with her professional touch now.
“Not for a basic physical, but given your unique condition, this is a good opportunity to get all of your health data, you know?”
“Yeah, that makes sense.” There are just so many weird things with my body, all this data might actually be extremely useful.
When the doctor has me lift one arm and examines my armpit, she asks, “So, no return of any body hair? And no growth of darker hair with puberty?”
“No, not that I've seen.”
“Mm...” She turns me around, presses on few spots around my belly, listens to my heartbeat, has me sit down and tests my knee-jerk reflexes, then takes a magnifying glass to my face, inspecting my skin and eyes. “No acne yet?”
“No.”
“Any vision problems?”
“I don't think so.” Once she's tested that and determined my vision is still good, she returns her attention to my skin. Peering at me close up with a little thing like a magnifying glass, the doctor pauses. “Well that's... Maka-chan, you don't have visible pores.”
“Umm, is that bad?”
“Well, no. Most women would kill for it, but it's just not realistic. Pores are important for skin, especially on the face. I could see yours being smaller since many pores also act as openings for hair follicles which you no longer have, but...” She trails off, getting a different thing and having me lie down. She puts a hand on my head, holding me very still, and leans close, pressing it to my cheek. There's a subtle click, then she draws it back and I sit up again. When she turns it around, I see a picture on a built in screen that I can only assume is my skin.
The doctor zooms in. “See this? There should be numerous small openings for your body to let out sweat and oil necessary to keep your skin healthy, but... well,” and waves a hand to the picture. Then she taps at it repeatedly, the device zooming it in more and more, and I'm extremely impressed by the resolution of the camera, until we see it. “Holy...”
“Are those...?”
“Yeah, those would be your pores.”
She stops when she's zoomed in far enough to finally see the absurdly tiny dots of the pores of my face. With so many of them, is that why I'm sweating so much now?
“No wonder why your skin feels so smooth.” The doctor is still staring. “With no hair, and the scale of your pores... That might also be why it's so sensitive. If the number of nerve endings is anything like the number of pores, that much would be a no-brainer. Of course, I'm just guessing but at this point I feel like anything goes...” She tilts her head to the side, rubbing a hand along her hair in confusion.
“That's... understandable,” I agree. I guess we... finally got to the bottom of my skin changes...?
“Honestly, I don't know what to make of a change like this. We'll need to keep a close eye on it as you start to develop acne. With pores so small and close together, it could be a blessing or an absolute nightmare, there's no way to say for sure. Also, like how you sweat now, you might produce a lot of oil and have extremely oily skin, we'll have to wait and see.” I nod mutely. This is a lot to take in at once.
“Right, anyway, moving on with the physical...” Doctor Belinda quickly collects herself and discards the little medical camera. Next, she asks me to lie back and spread my legs.
I'm still somewhere between shocked, hesitant, and a little uncomfortable, but I decide to say fine and do as instructed. She gives a warning, before gently touching me down there. She pokes around a little, and despite being gentle, it still makes me wince a couple times, before she finishes.
“Ok. Looks good and healthy for a woman your age, no abnormalities” she declares. Which is... a little comforting after that last one, actually. “Just make sure you keep things clean and dry as much as you can, especially with summer here. No being lazy and forgetting to change underwear after a shower, or after sleeping.”
I nod, I still remember all the awful infections I could get. “I know this hardly applies to you with your current life situation, but I have to warn you anyway, just in case.”
I nod and listen closely, wondering what else there could be. “For now, I would recommend avoiding penetrative sex. You're a very late bloomer, I don't believe your vagina is developed enough, and it could be harmful until you give your body more time to catch up.”
The advice is so sudden and clinical, I barely even feel the poke of embarrassment. “Ok.”
Wait, but I like women...
Without the opportunity to unpack any of that, she moves on, pressing and checking a few spots in my neck and back, and doing numerous other tests that I have no idea what they're even for. Then as she's finishing up, a machine dings. She has me get dressed, and heads over, apparently reading out the results of my earlier blood test.
“All your levels look healthy and normal, not seeing any red flags for diseases... No drugs obviously... Your hormones are good... Yup. Blood test is all green.” She turns back to me and smiles. “You're in great health, Maka-chan. Also, you're definitely in your growth spurt. You're at one hundred fifty one centimeters and forty five kilograms right now. Compared to your last records from middle school, that's exceptional growth. If you keep shooting up like this, you might actually end up taller than average.”
“U-umm, about that...” I speak up uncertainly. I'd love it if that was true, but there might be a little problem. “I... might be aging faster. We aren't sure.” I remind her about the psi-ops scanner and how the time-stretching seems to have some effect on my body. But we still don't know how far reaching it is, whether I'm actually growing or changing faster than expected.
“Mm, I'll definitely have to keep that in mind. But for now at least, everything looks good.”
“Thanks, doctor.”
“That's it for now, I would like to do another full physical to monitor for any changes at the start of next term. Does that sound good?”
“Yeah.” Normal physicals are just once a year, but with everything going on with my body, that's a really good idea.
“Well then, you're free to go. Have a nice day.” She waves, and Leona, who's been waiting patiently, joins me, saying bye to the doctor on our way out.
With all of that out of the way and my worries about next week's physical banished, my attention lands squarely back on the next, big, terrifying thing coming up.
I have to tell Mom tomorrow.