Doctor Belinda is waiting in the infirmary when we arrive.
“So, Maka-chan, how are you feeling?”
“Nervous, excited... scared, kind of crampy...” I kind of just ramble as they come to me. “I don't know, how do you think this will go?” It can't possibly go worse than yesterday. No, I'm trying not to think about that right now...
“That's hard to say. My hope is that most of the staff won't care one way or the other and you won't see much change on that front. But there's a good chance you'll run into at least a couple who will give you trouble. I'm not sure what advice to offer for that one, whether trying to tough it out, just ignore them, or try to explain things. You'll need to figure things out as they come.”
Since there isn't much more to talk about, we get going. We head over to the staff room, the doctor leading the way. Leona hangs back outside while we enter. There are already a number of staff and teachers present, getting ready for the day's lessons.
Standing at one end of the large office, the doctor claps her hands loudly a few times, startling a few of the more tired, dozing off instructors.
“Excuse me everyone, I have an announcement to make.” Her voice calls everyone out of sight, either behind things or from inside little cubicles, to come peeking at the commotion.
“You should have already been informed of this by the school administration, but frankly, I'm not expecting much out of Janice Monasta-san these days, so I'm here to tell you myself.”
That has everyone's attention. She gently pushes me a step in front of her, a hand each shoulder to keep me steady. “This is Seiko Maka-chan. She has been enrolled as a male student for the last few months. Over the weekend, her records were updated to correctly reflect her gender.”
An old man, not one of my teachers, or even anyone I recognize, speaks up from pretty far back in the room. “Oh, he's the tranny boy all the kids have been taking about.” When I flinch, the doctor gives me a reassuring squeeze.
“First off, that's an offensive slur, using it in the workplace is a great way to find yourself in a meeting with Compliance. By the end of the day. Today.” There's a pause, just long enough for that to start sinking in. “Secondly, the correct term would be transgender. And third, Maka-chan is a girl, referring to her as a boy both is rude and insulting.”
“Uhh, but doesn't he have a-”
I see a flash of that man, my stomach turning. Just in time, the doctor cuts right over the female teacher that just spoke, her voice steely. “I hope you weren't about to start discussing the genitals of your students in public.” The woman goes bright red. “I'd like to remind you all that Maka-chan is only sixteen years old. Any younger and you'd be talking about a minor. Again, Compliance.”
There's a short stretch of tense silence. Then the doctor pushes right on ahead. “All in all, there won't be much change. Just continue with your jobs as usual, alright?” There are a few murmurs, some displeased, but others are uncaring. Because my gender doesn't affect their lives. Hell, half of them aren't my teachers and never see me anyway.
“Dolan-san, you're Maka-chan's homeroom teacher, could you reintroduce her to her class today?” the doctor calls out when she spots him, walking us over. “I'll be along as well.”
The man's response though... He waves a hand, not even looking at us. “Don't care, too much effort. Do it yourself.” He has these huge bags under his eyes, and I can smell the faint tinge of alcohol still coming off him.
He usually seems at least presentable by homeroom, so it's a surprise he's so trashed. “Fine,” the doctor sighs, clearly losing interest in the slovenly man.
We leave the staff office while everyone returns to their work, Leona waiting to greet us outside.
“How did it go?”
The doctor smiles thinly. “Not too bad, most seemed fine, and we didn't run into any outright hostility, which is a big plus.”
After that, we split up, since we still have about a half hour or so before we have to go. I head to the cafeteria with Leona for more food, since breakfast was at like three in the morning and won't hold us until lunch. So we eat a second breakfast, trying our best to ignore the few others who show up early, all eyeing me and whispering.
“So, the whole school kind of heard already, after what Monasta-san pulled,” Leona explains, and I can only nod since I already picked up on that. But she goes on. “You were... well, after everything with that man-” I don't miss her whole frame tense, fingers clenching into claws when she mentions him, “-you were non-responsive. Pretty much the entire girl's dorm saw us on the way up to your new room. You looked like death, it was pretty ugly.”
“I see...” Yeah, I completely shut down after that, I don't know what they said or how they responded. Maybe it's better not to know...
When the time comes, we return to the infirmary to pick up the doctor. Then it's off to class. We make sure to arrive after everyone else. After the bell, and the homeroom teacher. Leona gives me a hug, then heads in so she isn't a distraction.
And... it's time. Trying to hold down my anxiety and full-body trembles, I walk into the classroom. Everyone goes silent. All eyes are on me, roving up and down my new uniform and my legs, which I'm suddenly acutely aware, are bare for the first time in class. Which some other part of me says is silly because I wore shorts in gym.
The sleepy teacher who still looks on the lower end of presentable, waves a lazy hand in my general direction, like that's supposed to mean something.
Coming in right after me, the doctor addresses the staring class. “Good morning, I'm the school's doctor. Today, I've come to reintroduce Seiko Maka-chan.”
As soon as she says that, there's a snicker, followed by an instantaneous pause.
They aren't all about to laugh, are they? That memory plays across my mind in the span of a moment. For an instant, I'm five years old again, about to get laughed out of the room on my very first day of kindergarten. I'm going to panic, or cry, or probably both.
Then, that fleeting moment passes, and nothing happens. I'm... still fine. For at least a little longer. It won't be a repeat of last time. The doctor keeps speaking.
“Maka-chan is transgender. That means she was assigned male at birth, but she is actually female. As such, she previously attended as a male student. Over the weekend, she updated her enrollment to correct the error, so now she will be joining you as a female student. I hope you'll continue to get along with her.”
Then the doctor turns, meeting my eyes with the briefest of glances, and walks out of the room. Once out the door, out of sight of the students, she gives me a big, silent thumbs up, before closing the door.
I stand briefly, lost. All the eyes are making my anxiety return and my insides throb. I press a hand to my stomach, willing it to leave me alone, at least for now. I glance at the homeroom teacher, but he's not bothering to do anything, calling the class to attention, shooing me to my seat, nothing. Is he... asleep?
Then the first hand goes up. It's a girl in the third row with curly blue hair. “Bolton-san?” I call on her, trying not to let my voice shake too much.
“So, I don't get it. Are you saying that you want to be a girl, or that you are a girl? How could the doctor get it wrong?”
That... the way she's asking, it isn't an insulting question or anything. It comes as a relief, so I answer, “I am a girl. The doctor got it wrong because their method for determining gender is a shortcut that doesn't always work.” There are a few questioning sounds, so I add, “Search like, 'PEP gender soul' if you want more info on it.” I release a short breath, I think I have my shakes under control.
A guy in the back raises his hand but doesn't wait before speaking up. “So what, you're saying you 'soul' is female or something? Who cares about that? I don't want a girl with a dick!” I flinch, fingers clutching against the fabric of my top as I stare at the floor and try not to dry heave. Why is it always about that...?
“You don't have to worry about that, like Sei'd ever date an asshole like you!” Ken's shout draws my gaze back up. He's half standing in his seat, with a grin just for me, that says he's got my back.
“Yeah, at least Ken-san has a girlfriend!” Lucy joins in. “Learn how to treat a woman before you mouth off! Right Amari?”
“Wha-? Y-yeah!” Amari squeaks.
There are more remarks from a bunch of other girls in the class about him being a dick, which has him fighting an angry blush, before he sits back down.
But then Zeke stands and speaks, lips turned up into a sneer and both hands pressed into the top of his desk as he leans toward me. He holds eye contact, even though he's addressing everyone else. “Hey girls, Seiko being undatable is one thing, but you're the ones who have to share a changing room and shower with him now.”
The whole class goes quiet again, looks of disgust and actual fear crossing the faces of the girls in class. Tears start to slip from my eyes. I'm never going to be accepted, am I?
“Oh come on,” Lucy comes to the rescue again. “Seiko-chan has been changing in the toilets and skipping the showers for months because she's the one who's uncomfortable!”
A girl on the end, near the hall, stands up, a hand pressed to her chest indignantly. “Who cares? Just because he's uncomfortable with the boys, we have to let him into our spaces? How is that fair to us?”
Leona finally stands from her seat, turning an angry glare across the class as they all cringe away. “Did none of you see Seiko on the way into the dorm yesterday?” There are grimaces and nods all around. If they didn't see it, they heard about it. “The things Seiko had to do,” she hisses, “the trauma and humiliation Seiko went through just to get the school administration's approval, would leave any one of you scarred for life.”
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Just thinking about it again, I wrap my arms around myself, starting to crouch down to the floor. I can't take any more of this...
“What, did they make him cut his dick off? I know I'd be humiliated,” Zeke jeers. “You think you're a girl? Show us your pussy then!” I'm starting to lose track of the voices, my vision going dark around the edges.
There's a stomp, right in front of me, and I jump in shock, before looking up to see Leona right in front of me. There's a small haze of indigo fading from around her as she looks down and meets my gaze.
But that's all I have time for, with my rolling stomach, I already feel it coming. I run from the room. I barely make it to the toilet before I puke again. As I retch up everything inside me, my body's futile attempt to make me feel better, I cry, and feel Leona holding my hair back as she speaks quietly in my ear.
When I'm finally done, hollow and empty, I stay kneeling on the floor, sobbing. Why did it have to be like this? Why won't anyone accept me?
Why is that all anyone cares about?!
Leona gently coaxes me up from the floor, gets me to wash out my mouth and tear-streaked face, then go back to class, where the first thing I notice at the door, after my still-staring classmates, is that Zeke is gone. I don't really have the presence of mind to question where he went though, I just plod back to my seat.
I huddle down on top of my desk, trying to ignore my cramps, and the feel of eyes, but neither is working. The best I can do is keep my tears silent as I bury my face in my arms and weep. This is the worst...
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Despite everything, I somehow manage to make it through my classes. For the most part, the teachers ignore me and go on with things as usual. On breaks, I'm surprised when Jen hesitantly touches my hair again. It's the first time she's touched me since that. I'm not sure how to feel about it, but... it's helping right now, so I let her. The tiny bit of comfort and relaxation goes a long way.
At lunch, Leona brings me to the cafeteria to get more food, since my stomach is seriously growling after throwing up earlier. Of course, I'm so woozy and sick from pain that I hardly manage more than nibbling on the food she gets me, but it's something...
After that, we go to the infirmary for more pain meds because I clearly need them. While there, I change my tampon, since I won't have to worry about anyone else in the toilet there.
God, I'm so nervous, I almost throw up the lunch I just ate, how long until the pills kick in...?
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Our afternoon classes come and go. The medicine definitely takes the edge off of my cramps for most of it. The only hiccup is in history class, when the teacher mentions an old, mandatory military draft for a past war, which only men needed to worry about. Then offhandedly tags on, “Too bad, Maka-san.”
It's so sudden, I stare at him, the rest of the lesson lost as that sinks in, and I try to hide my burning face in my textbook.
When we're reaching the end of the day, it's time for gym class. I grab my bag and stand, but when I turn to go, all the other girls are glaring at me. “Like I could change with all of you...” I grumble under my breath, a hand squeezing at my abdomen. It's been a few hours, I think the pain meds are wearing off.
Their eyes follow me all the way out of the room. I go to the toilet with Leona. She reminds me to use the right one. Apparently, I puked in the men's toilet earlier. I must have run there on habit.
Just going into the right toilet makes me nervous, what about the other girls? They won't say anything, will they? As soon as we enter, there are a few girls inside, standing at the sinks, and I freeze. They're from another class, but everyone knows me already, so their eyes lock straight onto me, but when they see Leona glaring daggers, they don't say anything.
She stands outside my stall while I struggle to change. The stalls in the women's room are definitely more narrow than the ones in the men's room...
Even just pulling on my gym clothes, I feel exposed. All I have is the off-white gym shirt and my short little gym shorts. Why are they so much smaller and tighter than the guys' shorts...? Even just showing off the shape of my body makes me anxious now. Everyone's going to stare...
I shuffle out of the stall, keeping my gaze down, but I can't miss the girls' eyes snapping straight to my chest. I pull my bag up to cover myself and quickly head out.
Everyone's waiting outside, and I get a whole round of compliments from all my friends. “Thanks, guys...” I mumble, blushing and feeling just a tiny bit better. Why can't everyone be like them?
We have to rush down to the gym like usual. It wouldn't be such an issue if I didn't have to change after everyone else... When we get to the gym, I sit down on the floor with the girls, panting lightly. I know exercise is supposed to help, but even walking fast hurts right now...
It doesn't help that the entire class, teachers and students, and even the boys collected on the other side of the gym, are all staring at me. I huddle closer between Leona, Lucy, and Amari, and even Jen moves in behind me, putting herself between me and the gawking boys.
Despite the staring, the teacher manages to get class started before too long. We're doing gymnastics again this week, so everyone drags out soft mats, setting them out on the hard faux-wood floor. On the other side, the guys are playing handball. Once the mats are set out, the teacher pairs everyone up.
“Maka-san, you'll be with Rekka-san.” Since I'm the shortest in class, I get paired up with the second shortest girl, someone from class D. Even she has a few centimeters on me. She has a face full of freckles and kind of orangy-reddish hair in bunchy curls. She's extremely slim and small, a build a lot like mine. Even her breasts aren't much bigger than mine, is she also a late bloomer?
“Ugh, the tranny?” Those are the first words out of her mouth as she scowls at me. I flinch away from her, but the teacher only shrugs.
“Hey, I don't make the rules. If they say to treat him like a girl, that's what I'll do,” and waves a hand over her shoulder while she wanders away. That's it?!
“Fuck, fine, whatever,” Rekka continues to glower at me. “If you do anything pervy, I'll kick you in the balls.” I don't have any and I feel like shit...
When I look around, trying to figure out what to do, I immediately realize the problem. They're all... touching each other...
Ok, that shouldn't be surprising, we're doing pair stretches, but the thought of touching this... person... I cringe when she walks over, scowling and reaching for me.
I flinch away on reflex, skittering back and away from her hands. I am not comfortable letting her touch me. “Maka-san, what are you doing?” she growls and reaches out more aggressively this time. I go into immediate retreat.
“I-I'm-” I shake my head. I do the only thing I can think of. I rush over to the teacher, trying not to cry. “S-sorry, Erra-san, can I, umm, change partners?”
The teacher looks down and sighs at me. “Why?”
“I have, umm, touch issues...” I practically whisper the last part. When she gives me a dull, disbelieving look, I gulp, knowing what I have to do. I offer her a shaking hand. She holds the same expression as she takes it, the movement practically automatic.
Then her eyes go wide. I know it's a lie and an excuse, but if it gets me out of this... The teacher soon draws her hand back, a slightly disturbed expression touching her face.
“Alright then...”
“Could I partner with Lucy?” I ask, trying not to beg, “she's about my height.”
“Sure sure,” she agrees, blinking a few times, then calls, “Miki-chan, Holton-chan, come over here.” I see the brown haired girl with braids, partnered with Lucy. She's Erina Holton, from our class. She's only a little taller than Lucy. She looks at me worriedly as the two girls stop their stretches and come over our way.
When they ask, the teacher just says that she's swapping partners around. I'll be with Lucy, while Holton and Rekka will be together. We go off to one end of the mats.
“Thanks a lot, Lucy...”
“No problem, Seiko-chan.” She pats me on the shoulder. I shudder at the touch.
“Oh, sorry-” She starts to jerk her hand back, before I grab it. It feels good.
“No, it's fine, just... sensitive. Rekka-san was...”
“Bitchy?” she gives my shoulder a comforting squeeze this time, and I nod. We make it to a spot with some space, and Lucy asks if I know what to do. When I shake my head, she starts to walk me through it.
Pair stretches suck. Whether sitting or standing, the stretches rely on the other person serving as an anchor, pushing or pulling to get your muscles to stretch. In the guys' class, we never did them, so I'm not nearly as flexible as Lucy is, and whenever she pushes, it just makes everything hurt worse.
She goes really easy on me, but it's still an excruciating experience. I need to start stretching regularly if I want to be anywhere near as flexible as the other girls. Just, maybe when I'm not on my period... And without everyone staring...
Thankfully, the teacher calls the stretches to an end after a while. I'm already panting and feeling sick. But then we move into actual gymnastics exercises. She has us go back and forth across the mats, doing all sorts of moves the other girls have been doing since childhood, but I don't even know what they are.
There are different types of rolls, steps, balancing moves. I try to copy the movements on sight, but they're completely new to me, and my balance is terrible. I can't even move right because my entire abdomen is trying to eat itself. When I fail, it hurts worse. When I fall, it hurts worse. When the other girls laugh at me for falling, it hurts worse.
Even the teacher is looking at me with open pity by the time I'm sitting on the ground, drenched in sweat and clutching at my stomach. I can barely breath, everything is pain. I want to cry.
At last, the whistle blows to end the class. Everyone grabs the mats to put them away, while I kneel down, press my face to the floor, and wrap my arms around myself. I hear everyone else leaving, and of course there are worried remarks about me going into the showers. But I just stay like this.
For a minute, I remain on the floor, squeezing tight and begging my body to just please have mercy. I hear someone sit next to me and assume it's Leona like usual. “Is it that bad?” she asks quietly, and I grumble an affirmative into the floor. “Want a quick massage? We have to get going soon though, or we'll be late for class.” Anything would be better than this, so I flop down, rolling onto my back.
“Please...” I beg at the ceiling. She leans over me and nods, doing it from memory. She only has the time to press into a few spots gently as I groan and cringe. Everything down there is so damn tender... Then the door from the guys' shower room opens up, signaling the end of our time. We still need to change too, so we grab our bags, change in the toilet again, and hurry back to class as quickly as we can.
Sitting back at my desk as everyone is pours into the room with the last minutes until class starts, I lie down across my desk. The teacher comes in and class starts not too long after.
It's life skills, and we're back on sex-ed again. As I sit there, half my body on my desk and my arms hugged around myself, of course the topic winds up being details of reproduction, where he naturally gets into periods.
Why now...?
Some part of me wants to bludgeon myself with my desk. Having to listen to some man lecture us about how a girl's period works while I suffer through my first one is too ironic. On average there's what, like one or two other girls in here on theirs too?
Just as he's getting into it, he says, “Menstruation is important because that's how you know whether a woman can get pregnant. There are a few different parts of the cycle, women keep track of them. Maka-san, now that you're a girl,” he chuckles, “what part of your cycle are you on?”
I blink when the question comes out of absolutely fucking nowhere. Somehow, my brain skips right over the obvious question about him actually asking that.
“I'm on my period,” I deadpan back at him, the words coming out of my mouth so fast, so automatic, I hardly hear myself say them.
No shame or embarrassment even registers. I just hope it makes him uncomfortable. Share some of my misery. I glare at him for good measure.
The class goes pin-drop silent for quite a while. The teacher doesn't know how to respond. The other students probably don't know what to think either. I wrap my arms around myself, thunk my head down on my desk, and wait for the guy to continue the lesson.
He eventually manages it.
He doesn't address me again.