With a big huffing breath, Jen crouches down and starts stripping my clothes off. “I said I'd teach you girl things, so that's what I'll do!” she proclaims loudly, roughly pulling off my pants.
Soon, my soaked clothing is piled on the floor, and Jen hauls me back out of the wash room and tosses me onto my bed. While I pant up at the ceiling, my hands already beginning to wander back to my bare, lusting skin, I hear the door open, followed by Jen's voice.
“I swear, if you come in here, I will murder you.” Then the door swishes closed again, and she's back at my bedside.
Jen pulls me up to rest against my pillows, then guides my hands to my woozy, shuddering stomach. Just looking down at myself sends tears down my cheeks. I'm so soft and slim, with my small breasts and pointed, hard nipples. This is what I look like. I'm so cute... But I shouldn't be cute...
“Alright, Sei, don't worry.” Positioned right behind me, her head right over my shoulder, Jen strokes a hand through my hair, and it feels so good, my breath catches.
“Don't worry, we all get horny sometimes. There's nothing wrong with touching yourself when you want to. It's your body.” But, but... I start to cry again. Not like this... “Shh shh shh...” She whispers in my ear. “Don't think, just go with your instincts. Listen to your body, let it tell you what it wants, and what feels good to you.”
Can I... do that...? But what about- what about what people would think? “I can't...” cry. “No...”
“What's wrong? Talk to me, Sei.”
I can barely form the words. “I'm not... I shouldn't...” I feel like a girl... “It's wrong...” I shouldn't...
“No, it's not wrong!” she tells me, both quiet and firm. Shifting forward to stare into my eyes. “What you should do is what makes you happy!”
But... but...
Isn't she ashamed of me...?
Silencing my protests, Jen guides my hands. “Does this feel good?” she asks softly, rubbing my hand back and forth lightly across my belly.
“Nn...” I mumble.
“Good,” she purrs, “and what about here? Is this better?” With her words, she gently shifts my hand up toward my side, stroking in wide circles over my rib cage.
It still sends tingles over my hot skin, but... With small tears still leaking from my eyes, I mumble another, “Nn,” in the negative this time.
“Yes, good job, Seiko. Listen to your body.” With slow, gentle movements, she leads one hand lower, to a spot just below my belly button. “With the fingertips,” she murmurs in my ear, grasping the back of my hand, using it to apply gentle pressure that makes my thoughts scatter and my spine tingle.
“Mmmm....” I intone, staring at my fingers as they play over my skin. So... this is what it feels like...
“Yes, you like that spot,” Jen eggs me on, “Let's give it some more pressure.” With her words, she puts more force behind my hand, pushing harder with my fingers.
“Aah!” I moan, sides and back clenching at the sensation.
Jen clears her throat, her voice getting husky as she goes on. “Y-Yes, yes, that's a good spot for you. Keep it in mind. Learn your pleasure spots. Get to know your body...”
Then she releases my hands. “Go on, Seiko, explore. Trust yourself. Learn about yourself. What makes you happy...” Then, she slowly strokes my hair, and just... let's me go.
And I finally stop thinking.
I let my hands move. I let my fingers trail over my skin. Press into my flesh. Rub and stroke and moan out when I like it. When my body says 'yes.'
'Yes, this is good.'
'Keep doing this.'
'This place is nice.'
'That one is bad.'
'This spot is sensitive.'
While I moan and stroke and finally explore my own body, Jen delivers small, encouraging whispers in my ear, with her fingers rubbing and scratching lightly at my scalp.
“Yes, Seiko, just enjoy being you...”
As I explore, the burning heat in my chest builds and builds, hotter and better until the pleasure overflows, washing though me with small shakes and slow, delightful electric tingles that make me cry out in my high, pitchy, feminine voice, and leave me panting and whining in pleasure.
Bit by bit, the fire inside cools, the raging desire going out as I allow myself to indulge in this pleasure, like a girl. Until finally, the desire is nearly gone. Just a tiny flicker inside, small enough to go out on its own.
I'm left sweaty and thirsty, all my muscles limp and tired, yet slightly sore. Especially around my stomach and groin, the places that shook and clenched and worked the most.
“Finally feeling better, Seiko?” Jen asks softly.
I can think clearly again. The first thing I say... “I can't believe I just did that.”
“Hush! No bad thoughts right now,” she scolds me immediately. “What you just did was good. You deserve to love yourself, don't let what anyone thinks take that away from you, Seiko.”
But... What I just did... I don't know... I'm so confused, what am I supposed to believe...?
For now, I wrap my arms around myself and burrow under my blankets. Jen just helped me so much, I have to believe in her words. Everything felt so good, that has to count for something.... right?
“Mm, I'll... try...” I mumble.
“Good. Just keep believing in yourself.” Finally withdrawing her hands from my hair, Jen smiles sweetly, before going over to the door.
“Alright, you can come back in, Ken.”
As soon as he steps through the door, Ken flushes bright red. “Oh god, it reeks in here,” he comments, but that just earns him an elbow from Jen. He coughs, then changes topics. “So, Sei, you feeling better?”
“Y-yeah...” I mumble from under my blankets. Now that I'm calming down, I feel all sticky and sweaty, and the soaking wetness between my legs is getting really uncomfortable. I have to pee...
“Then, what now?” he turns his next question back to Jen.
“Now, you watch over Seiko. I'm going back to my room to die of embarrassment.”
“Uhh?” Without giving any further explanation, Jen excuses herself. After a minute of confused pacing, Ken falls onto his bed with a heavy thump and a sigh. “You sure you're alright, Sei?” he asks. “Do you need anything?”
I need a shower. But... I open and close my mouth a few times. This feeling in my chest... “I need to take a shower...”
Ken nods. “Alright.” There's a pause, him sitting and staring at me. Then he glances around, and raises an eyebrow, like he expects there to be something else.
But... it's just... I know I shouldn't, but what Jen just said...
I want to hold onto this feeling...
I gulp, face flushing, and murmur, “Ken... C-could you... turn around...?”
Ken's eyes shoot open, and he flinches slightly. Just for an instant, before he responds, “Of course!” He meets my eyes, dead serious. “Whatever makes you comfortable.”
“...Thanks...” Still sitting on the edge of his bed, Ken turns to face the wall, then I anxiously slip up out from under my covers. I grab a change of clothes from my dresser, then head into the wash room.
As I have lately, I wind up standing under the hot water for some time, just trying to sort out my feelings. I've been given so much to think about lately, I hardly even know where to start.
“Don't think, just feel...” I mumble what Jen told me earlier. Can I really do something like that? When there's so much wrong with me being like this? No matter how I look at it, I've done nothing but get further from where I should be.
How am I supposed to just... not think about that...? How do I believe in myself when everything I do is wrong? When I keep thinking and feeling these things I shouldn't?
“I'm so sorry...” I press my head against the wall, the steaming water running over me. “I'm sorry I do everything wrong...” Squeezing my eyes shut, I fail again, tears falling with the water. “Can you ever forgive me?”
When I finally get out of the washroom, I'm ready to cry myself to sleep again, but Ken has other plans.
“Sei, I'm sorry, but I can't take it. It reeks of sex in here. For the love of god, please change your sheets. Flushing hot and red, I press my hands to my cheeks and stare at the floor. Did he have to put it like that?
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“S-sure...” I mumble, but I only make it halfway through stripping my bed before I remember my other sheets are already dirty. I have to do laundry. “Urgh...” I groan. I feel terrible and I'm not in the mood, but I don't really have any other options here, so I pile my stuff into my hamper and drag it out of our room.
As I trudge through the dorm, I notice all the eyes on me, so many people staring as I go past, whispering to one another at the sight of me.
What is it this time? For now, I try to keep my head down and ignore them all, like Leona does. When I make it down to the laundry room down on the first floor, I have to take a minute to figure out how to do laundry, with a ton of guys around me all looking at me. I get all my laundry washed and dried, and carry it back my room with me.
I don't even make it through my door before I hear the whispered snippets of new rumors spreading like wildfire throughout the entire dorm. What did I do now? Don't these guys have anything better to talk about than me?
I'm not in the mood for any more bad news, so I just trudge back to my room for the night.
----------------------------------------
“Mmm...” I grumble as some noise drags me back to consciousness. I squint my eyes open at my wolf plushy, words slowly trickling into my consciousness.
“The rumors made it to the entire dorm already!” Jen's voice is groaning. “If you hadn't dumped Seiko without telling us about the situation, we might have been able to deal with things better. I don't mean to be rude, Vicca-san, but you put Seiko in a seriously vulnerable position yesterday, then abandoned her.”
...Her...?
“I know... I'm sorry...” Leona's voice is solemn.
“Apologies are nice, but what we need is to talk about this properly, for Seiko's sake.” I'm starting to rouse, groaning a little as I move in bed, my arms and legs starting to wake up. The talking stops abruptly, while I take a few deeper breaths, clearing the sleepy fog from my brain.
“S-” Jen starts to say something, before coming to sit at my bedside, as I sit up slowly. I drowsily meet her eyes. “Hey, Sei. How are you feeling?”
“Not bad, I guess.” She immediately frowns at me.
“You don't sound 'not bad.'” Jen huffs in annoyance. When she says that, I see Ken moving in from behind her, taking position right past her shoulder. Leona is staying back though, with a complicated expression.
“I'm sorry, I just...” I give a small, useless wave of my arms, not even knowing how to put it.
“It's fine, Sei,” Ken assures me this time, coming to rub my head gently.
“We were just talking to Vicca-san,” Jen starts to explain, while I stare down at my bed. “Sei, we need to know about whatever she did to you to make you like that yesterday.”
I look up at Leona, questioning with my eyes. She looks uncomfortable, and isn't saying anything. There's even a touch of red in her cheeks. What is she thinking about right now...?
“Leona.” I'm not sure what to say. “Umm, about yesterday... Can we tell them?”
She lets out the words like a sigh. “If that's what you want.”
So we tell them. All about what I learned about psions, exactly what happened to my energy pathways, how I joined psi-ops for continued observation, and about Leona doing daily checkups by doing... whatever she did yesterday.
That's where she finally comes in to help, because my memory of her conversation with the doctor while I was... like that, isn't entirely clear.
“So this psionic flood thing,” Jen summarizes, a hand rubbing her forehead, “it basically sounds like you're filling Sei with a bunch of excess energy, which causes random effects like what we saw yesterday. Then, we need to wait for the energy to dissipate, or help him burn it off.”
“Yes, that's the idea. However...” With her stoic expression faltering slightly, Leona says, “If you helped Seiko... burn off the energy yesterday, I still can't say for certain how long it takes Seiko's system to purge itself.”
“Well!-” Jen starts to snap, before clenching her teeth and hissing a breath out through them. She goes on, tone forcibly calm. “If you had let us know beforehand, we could have been better prepared to deal with it.”
Being a ridiculous psion from the military, the chastised look breaking through on Leona's face seems so out of place, and she lowers her head. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get anyone else involved with Seiko's psi-ops work, but...”
“But you're still human,” Jen sighs out.
“Huh?” both Leona and Ken look confused by that one.
Jen shrugs. “Anyone would be uncomfortable, realizing that they need to 'help' by getting someone off. How do you think I felt?” As she crosses her arms standoffishly, everyone grimaces. Even I blush when she puts it that way. I can't believe I did that yesterday! With Jen guiding me through it!
“Still, Vicca-san,” Jen comes back, looking at the other woman intensely. “Despite the rumors, I did what I did because yesterday was very important to Sei. How well do you know him?” What does she even mean by that?
“Not very well,” Leona admits. “I have noticed a few peculiarities in Seiko's personality, but I don't have much insight into Seiko's past to fully understand Seiko yet.”
...What about my personality?
“If you're going to be treating him in the future, then there are some things that you need to know. Can you come with me for a minute?” She nods, and the women move into our wash room, closing the door behind them.
With the room suddenly quiet, Ken settles on the edge of my bed. “Man, things have gotten pretty rough lately, haven't they?”
“Yeah...”
“Hey, Sei?”
“Mm?”
When I look up, Ken is scratching his cheek awkwardly. “Yesterday, when you did that, did you like it?”
“Wh- K-Ken!” I stammer.
He waves his hands, face going red too. “N-no, I'm serious. Was it just the energy thing? Or did you actually like it?” He... doesn't sound like he's just being a perv, he sounds serious.
“Th-that...” I turn away, face getting even hotter as I consider it. What is there to consider? It was so good. “I... stuff like that... O-of course........ not.” I look away, rubbing at my arm anxiously. “I can't... It's... It's wrong...”
Ken sighs out slowly. “Is that so...?” he mutters.
A short time later, Jen and Leona come back out of the wash room. I immediately see the difference. Leona's uncomfortable expression from earlier has turned dark, concerned and angry now. That stoic exterior that I'm feeling more and more is just a facade is nowhere to be seen.
What did they talk about?
“Hey, Sei?” Jen starts in first. I perk up a little, and she goes on. “You never told me... Why don't you like your name?”
I grimace the moment she suddenly asks about that, and that same recurring dream plays behind my eyes. “S-sorry, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want,” she backtracks.
“...” I open my mouth, but at first I can't get it out. But these are my best friends, I'll tell them anything.
“I was supposed to be named Bruce, but my mom just... changed her mind. At the last second, Seiko just came to her and she chose that instead.”
“Bruce? Ugh...” Jen grimaces.
I'm surprised when Leona adds her opinion. “That's a terrible name, Seiko fits you so much better.” Even her comment makes me frown down at my bedsheets.
“That's the problem... My mom always said Seiko isn't a girl name, but it is. My dad's always called me Sei instead.”
“Your dad?” Jen breathes out, but doesn't interrupt.
“So, when I was little, I got bullied for having a girl's name. My mom was always going on about how it wasn't like that. That the name had meaning, but Dad said it was just some bad foreign translation.”
“What did she say it meant?” Ken asks curiously.
I think back on it, still fresh in my mind from so many recurring dreams of that same day. “She said it had to do with truth.” I grin wryly. “She actually said it was the world telling her that I should be true to myself. Ridiculous, right?”
While I get weird looks from Jen and Ken, Leona suddenly comes forward. “You're sure?”
“Huh?”
“Are you sure that's what she said?” Leona asks seriously.
“W-well, yeah. It's been part of a recurring dream I've had since kindergarten.”
“Hmm, what about?” Ken asks, while Leona slowly backs off, with a concerned expression. What is she thinking about?
As for Ken's question, I groan. “When I introduced myself on the first day of school, one of the other kids made fun of my name. I started crying and they laughed me out of class. My parents had to take me home. I remember the part about my name because my parents argued about it on the way home.”
“Holy shit, Sei...” Ken mutters.
“Kids are assholes...” Jen joins him, and they both pat me consolingly. “You still dream about that? All the time? Damn...”
“Yeah.” I wince when my gut clenches and throat closes. I shove it down. Out of sight. Make myself say it. “That's... p-probably when I decided I hated my name. I-I started introducing myself as Sei instead.”
They're all watching me closely. My heart rate's kicking up. Don't let it show. I'm fine. We're all quiet for a bit, and I'm hoping we're done, before Ken raises an unexpected question.
“So, what do we do about the rumors?”
“What rumors?” Didn't they mention something about that earlier? What is it this time?
Jen buries her face in her hands. “Everyone thinks we had sex.”
“W-what?!”
Ken sighs, shaking his head. “What else would they think, after everything you did?”
“Wha- I... What do you mean?” I ramble, not understanding.
“Come on, Sei, do I have to spell it out for you?” Ken grumbles. “Everyone saw you two go in our room, while I stood outside, then Jen comes out with her clothes all soaked through, and then you drag a hamper full sheets that reek of sex all the way through the dorm. Even those morons are going to put two and two together.”
He rubs his chin, wondering, “The question is how to discredit a rumor like that. It's one thing when it can be explained away with what really happened, but when it's actually true...”
“Huh?!” Both Jen and I jolt when he says that.
“W-w-we!” I stammer, but Jen bowls right over me.
“Having sex and teaching someone how to masturbate are completely different!” There's an instantaneous pause, before Jen's whole face lights up. She covers her face with her hands, whole body shaking from side to side as she squeals, “I can't believe I just said that out loud!” And flops face first into Ken's bed, rolling and groaning in embarrassment.
Ken stands in shock for a few seconds, mouth hanging open, while Leona stares at a spot on the floor, red ear to ear.
“I-it's...” I mumble. “No, it's not...” My chest tightens up. Those things I did... “It's not like I liked it!” I cry out, fighting the tears down.
Stomping steps draw all eyes to Jen as she whips back around, stalking toward me from Ken's side of the room. My words catch in my throat under her angry, hurt gaze. Without hesitation, she jumps on me, pinning my arms to the bed, jaw clenched in rage.
“You can't say stuff like that,” she hisses, angry tears brimming in her eyes. “Your feelings are important! Never be ashamed of them and deny how you feel!” I stare in shock as one tear escapes, landing with a splash against my cheek.
“I...” I'm trembling. “But...”
“But nothing!” she snarls, before softening a little. “No one dictates your feelings. No one can tell you that the things you feel are good or bad, right or wrong. That is for you, and only you to decide.”
Both our tears are overflowing. I shouldn't feel this way! How can this feeling be right?!
Then the swish of our door sliding open cuts through everything.
There's a man standing there, the building monitor, with a half dozen guys looking in from behind him. They stare at Jen, pinning me down in bed, with the others standing around us. We all freeze, as the monitor opens his mouth.
“You-”
He doesn't get any further before Leona rounds on him, streaks of brilliant, flaring magenta trailing behind. “Out.” Her command leaves no room for question. He falls away, landing on his butt, and the door slides shut.
“Well... shit,” Ken intones. “I think we just made the rumors worse.”