I lie in bed for a while. I'm finally comfortable without those itchy clothes on, if still aching all over from my injuries. I should probably go to sleep, but there's one last thing that nags at me, keeping me awake. What do I do about my energy buildup? No matter how much Leona forces herself, she can't keep upping her power every day like she has been. She practically knocked herself out today, what's going to happen tomorrow? The day after?

I know it's possible to let the energy out of me. But doing it took crazy military drugs that literally turned Leona's hair blue and removed all my body hair.

But it's possible! There has to be some way, right? Huddled under my soft blanket, I grab my mobile and start searching up anything I think might be helpful. How psion powers work, how psionic energy collects in people's energy pathways, why the powers do the things they do...

For the most part, I only get the basics. All psions have telekinesis for moving things with their mind, as well as the ability to physically enhance their bodies with their psionic power. They glow when they use their powers. Yeah, yeah, literally everyone knows these things...

Each psion also has a unique power, something special that only they can do. Huh, if you searched the whole world, you might find a second psion with something at least similar, but that's besides the point... There's also mention that some psions may have more than one power, but I see some people dispute that point.

It does match up with what I've seen myself with Leona having multiple energy types, but I'm not finding anything online correlating number of energy types and number of unique powers as I tap through pages talking about it. So maybe it's the combination of energy types that produces a single unique power...?

Whatever the case, most of what I find is stuff I (and everyone else) already knows. I have a very strong feeling that the real explanations for my questions are classified information, the kind of stuff militaries keep to themselves.

What I do find... “Huh, they do that...?” One thing Mejja told me about, the 'gender of the soul' he called it – it looks like people in other countries use scanners like his to check people's PEPs and energy cores to determine if their gender is different than the sex they were born as.

“So, there are other people like me...?” Well, I still can't be a hundred percent sure about my soul or whatever, but I definitely feel better as a girl. Some of them even mention reports of people with energy cores outside of the normal two spots. Interesting...

As I keep reading, digging up what little information is publicly available, I do come across a few blogs, written by foreign psions. It looks like some less militaristic countries treat them more like celebrities than military assets...

“Advice for young psions,” I read out one blog title as I land on it. I skim, and it talks all about what it's like growing up as a psion and getting accustomed to your powers. Specifically, from someone who didn't come from a family of psions, so they had to pick it all up for themselves.

Then my eyes land on one line that leaps out from my memory on sight. “The will of the world...” I murmur the words.

'It's my opinion that psionic powers are the will of the world, allowing those it chooses to push their will into reality. At least, that is how it has always felt when I use my own powers. You tell the world what you want it to do, and as long as your will is strong enough, reality will make your desire come true.'

Then I get into comments, where it's a mixture of agreement and disagreement, along with a bunch of people insulting each other and saying that an ordinary person could never understand the experience of a psion.

“Huh...” I'm not sure what to think, so I try running another search.

'Psions will of the world'

I type that in and hit go. The results I get... there's a lot. Just skimming the search page with the bits of relevant text, there are way too many using that exact phrase to be a coincidence.

I gulp. I know the next thing I have to search, but suddenly, I'm scared of the answer. I mean, there's no way!

But-

All at once, the memory comes back to me again.

“I think it was the will of the world telling me that he needed to be true to himself.”

My mom said that, back when I was five years old. And I still remember it thanks to the recurring dream I've been reliving over and over for so many years. It sounds absolutely ridiculous, but looking at so many accounts from all over the world, so many people saying almost the exact same thing, it gives me a bad feeling.

Why did she think that? That same line repeated by so many different psions? It brings me back to that same idea again, but I'm not a psion! I know that already! Even Mejja's scans showed I'm only tier one, so I don't have enough energy for it to be possible in the first place.

Even as I think that, I'm tapping out another search with shaking hands.

'How do I know if I'm a psion?'

I land on some message boards, question and answers, dozens of people asking that same question. The answer: 'If you're asking, then you aren't.'

Oh, ok. I sigh out in relief. I scroll a little more for a better answer, eventually finding a couple self-identified psions telling people how psionic powers manifest at a young age, and since they naturally respond to the psion's will, they all figure it out pretty much immediately when stuff starts floating around them and jumping into their hands. Apparently, the telekinesis part is super easy to activate at that age because, you know, people want to pick things up pretty often.

I do find one account saying that the telekinesis didn't come to them as naturally as their other powers, so it was a little less clear for them. So, I guess there is a little variation, but the end result is clear. I didn't start flinging things around with my mind as a kid, so I'm definitely not a psion, no matter what weird thing my mom said when I was young.

There's just one problem... I continue to frown up at my mobile screen. Even though I'm not a psion, I have a ton of psionic energy inside me right now. Mejja said I was holding onto enough to count as tier three with the bit Leona left the last time we went to central.

Three days of psionic floods without me burning any of it off, I must at least be up to the level of an actual psion. At least tier four or five, right? Not to mention that my energy pathways are wrecked in a way that literally shouldn't even be possible without killing me.

Ok, I have a lot more than the one problem. Point is, I'm sitting squarely in unknown territory, so psion or not, I have a whole bunch of energy and I know that there is some way I can interact with it. Even if it was under the influence of sketchy drugs, I'm distinctly aware that I was the one that got rid of the energy, it didn't just happen on its own, or because of the drugs or something.

Unless I was hallucinating. That's always a possibility, I suppose...

Ignoring that thought, I keep trying, but none of the information online is helping. I try looking up psionic floods to see if there's anything about it online, but don't get anything. There are only a handful of mentions of the term, but none of them are even referring to what Leona does. Probably a military secret, then.

About ready to give up, I stare at my ceiling. All I really know is that I got the energy out, and that psionic energy comes out of the eyes. I squint, trying vaguely to like, push with my eyes or something, but of course it doesn't work. I'm not accomplishing anything...

“I'm done.” I toss my mobile back onto my desk. I give up, I'm not getting anywhere.

Even though I say that, I can't help my wandering thoughts as I close my eyes to sleep, turning those ideas over and over in my head until sleep takes me.

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I'm sinking in the dark, everything falling away. That's when things start to make sense. With nothing but the void and reality, the energy is so clear and pristine. All tangled and bottled up, just pop the lid and away it goes! It all returns, just like it's supposed to be, and I wave it goodbye until I start to wonder, what am I doing...?

“Mm?” I think I'm awake again...? I sit up, rubbing my eyes groggily. That was a weird dream... “Wait...” I don't think that was a dream, was it? Was it... soda or something? What?

I don't get it. Even half asleep, it doesn't compute to my waking mind. Something was flying...? I shake my head, trying to wake up a little, but that just sends the wisps of memory fleeting away into nothingness. I blink a little. What was I thinking about?

“Time, time...” I mumble. I grab my mobile and check it and... yeah, it's like three in the morning. “Ugh, I'm going back to sleep,” I complain to myself, flopping back down and snuggling further into my comfortable blankets.

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I spend the whole next day hedging back and forth, starting and stopping in my attempts to ask Jen if she wants to come shopping. Leona frowns at me, but doesn't push me any more. I meet up with Gon again at lunch and we finish most of our project, and thankfully it looks like Leona is getting work done one her own too.

School ends and Leona checks me again, and we're both surprised when I don't have quite as much energy built up as before. When she asks, I have no idea.

“I was thinking about it a lot last night, but I couldn't come up with anything. I don't... think I burned off the energy?” I reply uncertainly. I mean, I fell asleep last night, then everything after is that dull haze of sleep until I woke up for school. Did I like, figure it out in my sleep, or wake up and suddenly get it in the middle of the night?

If so, it's completely lost to me, buried under unconsciousness and sleep.

“Sorry, I wish I knew...” I sigh, but Leona waves it off.

“It's fine, Seiko. Whatever happened, it helped. Thanks.” We share a quiet smile before moving on. Next up is finishing the group project in the library, after which Gon nervously agrees to go shopping over the weekend, before he heads off and I help out Leona to finish up her own... not-so-group project. For the short amount of time she spent on it between the constant naps, it's not that bad.

I finish off the day hanging out with Ken and Runa in our room, and it's nice just getting to relax and feel like things are normal. They're cute too, just sitting on his bed, leaning against each other comfortably as they watch TV. Ken even manages to wrap his arms around her, and they both look comfy. I would give them more space, but... well, that's not really possible for me when everything outside of our room screams DANGER. I hope Ken understands...

If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

Friday comes with our group projects, and it goes decently. We got all our research and work done properly, so the teacher is satisfied.

Everyone else gets by too, but Leona... Her partner, Larry Miller, is from the far side of our classroom. He stands there like he's trying to disappear into the wall, while she gives a so-so presentation on her own, and sits back down. The teacher doesn't say anything though, and the class moves on.

At lunchtime, Leona gives me a look, and I know what I have to do. Jen is right there, but she feels so far away...

“H-hey...” I speak up, fighting not to choke on my words.

Her eyebrows shoot up, shoulders trembling when our eyes meet. “Yeah?” The heavy atmosphere instantly catches the attention of the rest of our friends, who are suddenly pretending very hard that they aren't all listening.

“I need to go clothes shopping this weekend.” My lips tremble, and I feel like I'm about to cry. Is this really a good idea? “C-can you... come?”

She doesn't even hesitate. “Yes! I mean- sure. If, uhh, you know, if you want me to...” By the end, she's wringing her hands together. She looks almost panicked.

Leona steps in to help. “We have to go to central on Saturday, so it'll be Sunday.”

“Sure...”

That's all we manage to say.

After school, the doctor looks me over before my checkup. She says my arm is healing well and should be back to normal in a week or two, which is great. Most of the rest of my injuries are more or less healed, they don't even hurt much anymore.

She even checks Leona, noting that her ribs are on the same timeline as my arm. Besides that, she has no other remaining injuries, probably thanks to her powers protecting from minor things like cuts and scrapes.

Then Leona checks me. I didn't magically burn off any energy this time, so she takes some time to recover after bowling me over with a ton of power. The more she does that though, the clearer I'm picking up on things, now that I'm paying attention.

The air, the power, all of it. It only lasts a few moments, but I can feel the difference in the world around me. Like completely new senses opened up to me. Is this what a psion feels like? It is utterly unique, the experience of reality itself, but it's always so fast. I can hardly look around and take things in with that strange clarity before it's gone again.

We head back, knock out our weekend homework, and turn in early, since we'll be heading to central first thing in the morning again. It's a good choice, because I'm still a groggy mess when we leave before the sun is even up.

“God, I can't wait to get something decent to wear,” I complain as we board the shuttle to the city. These last few days have been killing me. Endless itchy annoyance, all over my body. The promise of comfortable clothes on the horizon is probably the only thing that's keeping me going. We chat a bit on the shuttle, but we mostly drowse comfortably against each other until we arrive.

After our usual lengthy walk across the stupid area with no transport terminals because dumb zoning laws, we arrive. “Good morning.” The usual receptionist greets us, calling the lift up. We head down to Mejja's lab, and he greets us from his desk, waving a hand without looking up.

In his usual manner, he shunts me straight into the scanner, leaving any discussion for later.

Once more, I lie still. I breathe in and out, nice and even, staring at the blank, gray ceiling of the roomy little box that I literally feel like I spend half of my life in. I hope he's found some explanation, or even better a fix, for the ridiculous time-stretching effect I experience in here.

For now, I let myself be patient. After all, it's pretty comfortable in here, not to mention safe. If anything, it's like my own little time chamber, a month off from all the constant troubles of my life and fear of everyone around me. When I think of it that way, it's actually kind of nice. Even if it's boring...

The strangest part has to be the boredom, actually. I feel like if I was to sit on the floor in my room, I would be losing my mind from boredom within hours, but here, no matter how long passes, it doesn't overwhelm me. It took, what, almost two, two and a half months that first time before I couldn't take it anymore? Maybe because it isn't actually that much real time passing?

I'm just coming up with random explanations at this point, I guess, but it's not like I have anything better to do.

I spend the rest of my time in the box thinking over the stuff that happened. The bullying, being molested, being betrayed. I cry a little, but don't completely break down this time. I have the space, the time, and the distance from it I think I need.

After all, Vance and the others are gone, and I doubt they'll ever appear in front of me again after what Leona did to them. I'm older and despite the trauma, I think I'm better equipped mentally to deal with regular bullies than when I was a child. I even have a group of supportive friends now. And then there's Jen. Despite it all, it might be possible to reconnect eventually.

I just let myself process all of those feelings for a good long while, until I feel better, like I can try to move on, at least a little. I'm in a better place than I used to be, at least facing everything that's happened instead of being miserable all the time and trying to ignore it. I have a lot of fear, rational and irrational, and a ton of questions with very few answers, but at least I know who I want to be now. That's a lot more than I had in the past.

And maybe most importantly, I have the space I need to be myself. To experiment and find out just who 'me' is. Maybe not in public, but my friends all accept me, and there are even some people who think of me as a girl first now, not just like, a guy who became a girl. And I've actually really been enjoying that.

Throughout all my bits of thought here and there, I sink into the long stretches of time with nothing but the scanner's heavy air and electric buzz. Some days I think, some I just rest. Finally, the vaguely month-long seeming time is up, and I feel the machine shut down around me.

They open up the door and I slide out. “Seiko, are you alright?” Leona asks immediately.

“Yeah.” I smile up at her. “I had a lot of time to decompress, so I'm actually feeling a lot better.”

That earns a sigh and a smile back. “That's good.” In fact, as we stand there, I realize that beside my clothes against my skin, I feel way better than I have lately. All my aches and pains are gone.

It isn't long until Mejja waves us into the conference room. “Alright,” he waves a hand as we sit down. My scan unceremoniously appears in the middle of the room, flashing a few times as Leona's energy is filtered out and my own is amplified, and we're left with a view that looks much like the previous ones.

Even if Mejja said my energy pathways are healing, it's not like I can tell the difference just looking at this scan compared to the one last time. Even if I could see them side by side, I have my doubts.

“No big changes this time,” he waves at the floating hologram. “Your recovery looks to be on track, no issues there. You do have a lot of Vicca-san's energy built up in you though.” Then he turns to address Leona. “I know he's not bleeding off the energy normally, you have to get him to burn it off or you aren't going to be able to get the data we need.”

Unexpectedly, Leona looks abashed at his scolding. “I know...”

“U-umm,” I speak up, knowing I have to ask. “Mejja-san, the main problem is that I needed to burn it off with physical activity, but I couldn't do it while injured.”

“Oh, that would be an issue,” he puts a hand to his chin, concerned now.

“So actually, we've made it this far because I managed to release some of the energy a couple times.” Now I have his full, undivided attention.

“The first time was when the doctor used regens to help with my injuries, and the second was on Wednesday or Thursday. I don't actually know when or how, but I had less energy on Thursday.”

“Anyway,” I get back to my main point. “The first time, I'm pretty sure I got rid of the energy, it wasn't just an effect of the regens. I tried searching online, but I couldn't find anything that would help me understand it.”

“That is... fascinating,” the man intones, his gaze wandering up and around the room as he thinks.

“Well, I kind of figured if there was anything, it's probably confidential. So I was wondering, do you have any advice?”

“Ahh, I see.” He nods with understanding. “You're right, we have far more information on psions than the public. Good idea. However, we can't help you.”

“O-oh?” The instant refusal catches me off guard.

“In the first place, you don't have the necessary security clearance.”

“Oh...”

“But that doesn't matter anyway, because we don't have any information that can help you.”

“Huh?” Wait, they can't tell me anything because it's secret, but he's going to tell me they don't know anyway? How does that even work?

“Let me put it this way,” Mejja presses his palms together, pointing his hands at me. “The requirement for being a psion is being able to control psionic energy. If you did do as you said, then you are a psion.”

What?!

“But.” He waves a hand up at my scan.” You cannot be a psion.” Because I don't have enough energy to meet the minimum requirement. “Just like your continued survival despite the damage to your PEP, it's an impossibility that, if you are correct, has occurred anyway.”

I sit and stare. I already thought something similar myself during my research, but hearing it form the man who I expected to know about all things psion, my heart is doing flips.

“Normally, I would need to add you to the national psion registry now, but that's only if we could actually confirm your ability to control psionic energy and classify you as a psion. Of course, we can't do that, so-” and he throws up a big shrug. “Nothing we can do now.”

“Umm, psionic registry?” I'm assuming it's a list of all pions in Laros, but... “Would that be good or bad?” Mejja scratches a hand through his bright green hair.

“I don't know, both? Anyone on the registry gains social and political status, and mid-level government clearance, but it comes with restrictions on privacy and international travel, for obvious reasons. There's also the whole psion social rigmarole to deal with.”

“That...” I don't really know what to think. I don't even understand all of what he said. But for now, let's avoid any big, permanent decisions... “I, umm, think I'll pass. I don't really want to jump into things, you know?”

“That's sensible.” He shrugs it off. “Not much point getting yourself on the psion registry when you're tier one, it would just be a needless headache.”

“Right...”

“Well, if we've covered that, let's get to the other interesting bit I've puzzled out about your situation.” I perk up a little, was there something else?

“I found evidence of the issue you've mentioned with the scanner. After some careful analysis, it appears that the results we've gotten were time stretched, as if any readings coming off of your body were subject to some sort of temporal anomaly.”

I nod slowly, I think I follow so far, but he hasn't really given me anything useful, he just confirmed that what I already told him is in fact detectable.

“Now, for what to do about this...” he rolls his head side to side. “I haven't found any indication of why this is occurring, it's no help deciding how to circumvent it. But, given the psionic nature of the oddities surrounding your condition, I figure the place to start will be with changes to the energy used for the scan.”

Yeah, I think I've lost him now. But at least he seems to have a plan.

“I'll make some calls. The next time you come, I'll bring in another psion to help out, see if we can produce different results.”

“Alright.” That's all I can really say.

“That should be all. You two can go. And Vicca, you have to get that energy in Maka-san under control if you want to keep checking him every day. I don't care how you do it, just get it done.” I'm startled when he actually sounds dead serious for once, a dangerous flash in his eyes.

“Yes, Sir.” Leona stands straight and salutes, the tension in her posture plainly visible. Then we go. When the lift doors close behind us, I let out a shaking breath.

“I've never seen him so intense before.”

“Yeah...”

“Leona, are you alright?” She's looking down after that.

“I'm fine, just...”

“Don't worry, it'll be fine,” I assure her when she only gives that meager response. “I'll burn off the energy. I'm feeling way better now, my injuries don't hurt at all anymore.” She shows a wan smile, but actually- “No, I'm serious, Leona.” I pause, twisting and moving my body a bit. “I actually feel really good now, like I got a ton of time to rest.” When I say that, a complicated look crosses her face, just for a moment.

Then it's gone, and she gives a more genuine smile this time. “Sure, thanks a lot, Seiko.”

I hesitate a little, then reach up and touch her shoulder. “You're welcome.” I'm not used to being the one to comfort her.