Within the woods of Blueberry Grove, a discussion that would redraw the maps of the world was unfolding. On one side was a giant black dragon. On the other was a red haired pixie. Oh, and there was also a squirrel, but he was just biding his time.
“How do I remove your seal?” asked Seth.
“The old hero imprisoned me with his magic, so I can only be released when he’s dead.”
“Cool, so where is he?” Seth cracked his neck.
“You have no qualms about killing the former hero?”
“I’ve already punched the current one through a palace.”
“…Ook,” Bratley found the pixie more confusing every time they met. Yuki should have murdered him three times already, yet here he was with the girl’s baton no less. “So, the good news is he’s quite easy to find.”
“And the bad news?”
“He’s unbeatable,” the dragon sighed.
“I’ll be the judge of that.”
“You don’t get it,” said Bratley. “The former hero is UNBEATABLE. As in, he crushed Beelzebub so bad the devils are still hiding within mountains. He once b**tch-slapped the Sun God across three kingdoms. He… eventually defeated me in combat too.”
“So?” Seth shrugged.
“Are your ears full of wax? The hero brought the giants to the edge of extinction. The demons were so afraid of him they ran to another dimension. He even wiped out the undead kingdom of Zutros and ripped the Lich King limb from limb.”
“So, where is he?” The pixie was getting annoyed.
“On the Lich King’s throne,” Bratley rolled his eyes. “The bastard got bored of trashing the underworld, so he took over Zutros and crowned himself king.”
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“That’s all I wanted to know.” Seth turned around to leave.
“Aren’t you going to ask for directions or something?”
“I have a map guy, don’t I?”
Just like that, Seth flew off completely forgetting about the dragon or his steed.
“Sir. dragon,” Momo bowed in his absence. “Could you please remove this ring?”
“I can do you one better,” smiled Bratley before coughing up a chrystal ball. “Take this,” he said while placing it in the ring. “Now, I can watch the show, I mean, give you advice when you’re in peril.”
“But…” Sadly, Momo didn’t get to finish his sentence since the ring pulled him towards Seth. “Screw youu!” he shouted while flying through the woods.
At the edge of the forest, Chloe had met up with Alastar, and they were waiting for everyone’s arrival.
“We have a new quest, map guy,” said Seth while landing on his head. “As soon as we deliver the princess, we’re going to fight the undead.”
“You’re going after Zutros?” Alastar’s eyes went wide.
“You’re not taking me with you?” Chloe complained.
Suddenly, the squirrel flew in smashing ass first into the girl’s mouth.
“Eww,” they both cried while trying to clean up.
“Justice is served,” nodded Seth. “The only place you’re going young lady is back to your big booby mama,” he said trying to sound wise.
In the meantime, Momo was scratching his bum on the ground. ‘Gods damn it,’ he grumbled while opening up his stats screen.
His level was 25. His class was Doom Squirrel. His one skill: Bad Luck.
‘Stupid useless skill,’ he cried while hitting the panel repeatedly. ‘Why couldn’t the dragon choke on his own tongue? Why do I get saliva on my bum? Why…”
Suddenly, the ground rumbled.
“...Again?” Seth's face seemed to mirror his partner’s misery. From beyond the horizon, a giant made of stone was jogging towards them. He held a huge tree trunk on his shoulder and spoke words the pixie was oddly familiar with.
“Fee fi fo fum. Cheeeck oooout my baaat!”
“Where did I hear that before?” wondered Seth. In the meantime, Alastar sent all his mana into the pixie's body.
“Again?” Seth complained.
Suddenly, two giant legs landed near them. The giant grabbed the trunk with both hands and took on a batting pose.
“Do we have a choice?” Alastar shrugged.
The air around them moved and they were once again inside a giant ball.
“Joee seesss. Joeee strikeeesss,” said the giant while hitting the ball with his tree and sending it flying through the clouds.
“Aaandd, it’sss a hooome ruunnn!” The tinier rocks which made up the monster’s mouth lifted up in a grin.
Only after the ball disappeared beyond the horizon did the giant look down at the forest. Somewhere near the middle of it, a large black dragon was waving him over.
“Care for some tea, old friend?”
“I prefer beer, but sure,” answered the rock monster in a voice no different from a human’s.