CW:
Talk of death, self-harm, sad brain bubbles, snuggling jellyfish, mupples and the fast encroaching end of Arc 2.
This little garden even has things like… fish and stuff. Birds chirping and singing and… and their songs are nothing but happy calls to their lovers!
My eyes and soul search the shadows for threats…
Wind blows. Dreamer’s Tits how is that even possible? There isn’t like… well I don’t really know what song makes the wind blow in the Rifts, but we’re inside a big room! How is there a breeze? It feels so perfect and cool and wipples at my hair in just the perfect way!
Talons dig into the soft dirt stuff, kneading anxious patterns into the ground as I keep my muscles tense to move at a second's notice.
The pond is really nice. Although… apparently Tretion wants to turn it into a river? Try to permanently start linking rooms together to form larger ones instead of just starting from scratch. The water is such a soft shade of blue, and my jellyfish coo curiously at its surface. Wondering happily what it would be like to swim there.
Tendrils flex and snap out every now and again. Anxious in ways I refuse to consider.
The manor’s bubbles are both harder and easier to see now. Like… hm… like I’m better at sensing things with my Amwella but also the manor is working harder to shape itself into things. Even seems to lose control of some parts that look to have fully shifted into objects or plants. Or… or….
Souls.
I pull my everything close, hug my legs as the bile rises at the memory of Tretion’s new soul. I want to… to throw up. Try to distract myself with the little pain as the memories flash. As a panic rises. Can’t help but gurgle a little Riftwalking song to try and pull free of the manor.
To leave so I can’t hurt any of them again.
It doesn’t Shift, doesn’t let me go. I knew it wouldn’t and I can’t help but growl a little thank you amidst my anger at it. Know with one part it’s good and right, but… but also hate it. Hate how this thing keeps me here like… like…
N– No! NOT a slave. But… something else. Something… close to it?
The curse’s sting fades as my song ends. And I let out a huff and glare down and my talons.
NO! They… they’re right. She was hurting me… But… no she… I asked for it. Deserved it! Thendra was just… giving me what I needed. Made me stronger and helped make sure no one could ever hurt me again!!!
So… why am I okay with Raska being allowed into the manor? Do… Do I want to see her again? Even after what she did? But... I should have told her I was Fae. Dreamer’s Tits If I saw a Fae that wasn’t Awnya I’d eat them without hesitating!!! SO I DESERVED THAT TOO!
... R– right?
That thought stutters me into a mess of confused fidgeting as I wait here for one of my lovers to return. Before she even gets close enough to stop and call out, I feel my watcher approach.
“Lyra?” She calls.
I turn to see her standing on the edge of the clearing, tired but… calm. Head tendrils only doing a little anxious dance as her eyes dance over me.
They both wanted to be there for the Everflame’s formal moving into the manor. Something… about her Oaths being really important and would hurt her if she broke them so… but they wanted to make sure. Apparently Tretion gave her like… almost five or six full pages of Oaths to agree to.
So… They asked me to wait here. In a little garden room while they handled that. Probably to make sure I didn’t hurt anyone. I mean... Nelops offered to stay with me but... No matter what they say or feel they have to know that I’m a very dangerous monster.
“May I come sit with you?”
I nearly stutter out what would have been ugly sounds attempting to say something like ‘of course, this is your home after all!’ But… that sounds awful and stupid so I instead nod. Pat the ground next to me and keep the stupid flap of flesh in my mouth blessedly still.
Pull my soul and Jellyfish close so as to not even risk touching her soul. I will NEVER hurt her again. Not even a little!!!
She walks over and sits, carefully also avoiding coming to close or touching at first.
“H– ow. Go?” I murmur.
“It went well.” Tretion smiles tiredly. “She agreed to nearly every Oath with only a few very minor alterations to them. Mostly logistical, but she even helped me re-word a few to make them bind her more firmly to the Oath.”
“Good.” I’m able to whisper without even a little stutter, then ask with a little more trouble. “Awn– Awnya?”
“Finding them accommodations and handing introductions off to one of our other duenna. She should be coming here with a meal afterwards.”
I let out a sigh, and before I can think about how to ask, a couple Jellyfish coo and wriggle over to float about her. Thankfully remaining just out of touch as they… they… Wait for my permission? I think?
“Oke?” I ask Tretion.
Glimmering eyes dance between them and me, face filled with nothing but just… sheer wonder. “Of course. They’re always welcome to nuzzle close, just as you are.”
And as my Jellyfish titter with delight and paddle up to snuggle, I can’t help but kinda stutter to a stop. Caught between desire and… and such guilt and shame as I just stare at her soul. Compare it to my memory of… of what it was supposed to be before I–
“Beloved?” Tretion murmurs softly, “Would you like me to come hold you?”
It’s all I can do to nod, words just… too hard in that moment, and my watcher takes me into her arms and holds me close. All but reaching out with her own soul to pull tendrils to herself as I freeze up a little.
Nothing but love tinted with worry. No anger. Not even a hint of spite or fear that I may hurt her.
She holds me so close when the tears start to fall. As lips blubber and stammer out attempted apologies over and over. Every time Tretion just… she’s wonderful. So perfect. Just… keeps telling me that it’s okay. That she forgives me, even though she knows for certain it wasn’t my fault. And that her life is so much more than perfect now that I’m here in her arms again.
All while I’m able to bask in her soul's melody that beats and thrums in reflection to her words. Not even the barest trace of a lie pouring off her.
That’s how Awnya finds us. Curled close with freshly fallen tears still in our eyes.
Like Tretion, she pauses at what seems to be the edge of my tendril’s reach. Asks with a smirk if she can come join us. I simply nod and reach for her, pulling our Fae into such a long, warm hug as a Jellyfish wriggles over to nuzzle her soul too.
Warm love, with a bit of curiosity on what brought these tears out but… not really worried about it. Just… excited to be here and about to enjoy a meal and cuddles with us.
“I’ve been meaning to ask…” Awnya does finally murmur as we pull free of the hug a bit. “These um… little ones. You didn’t have them before.”
I shake my head. Trying to… to consider how to explain them.
“J– Je– Jelly F– fish.” I start. “H– ad be– fore. But… hmmm…”
The words just… aren’t enough. So many things to try and shove through lips and tongue and… Dreamer’s Tits I don’t even know where to start!
Awnya and Tretion wait so patiently. Our Fae pulls out and offers soft and sweet fruits and some warm bread to nibble at while Tretion wraps arms around to hold me close. Still just… both of them, radiating love and simple curiosity. Not even a drip of worry.
“Jellyfish… Are they from the sea between the Rifts?” Tretion eventually muses aloud.
I huff and hold out a hand, wibble it back and forth in what I hope is a ‘maybe’ motion.
The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
“We couldn’t see them before, but you could?” Awnya murmurs.
I nod, then push out. “W– Worbs.”
That gets such a quirk of the head from Awnya. “You’re trying to find the right words?”
I shake my head, trying to… to find how to... “Je–ly- fish were wurbs. F– ear. P– pain. Sss–pite. Wo–rds. S- sm- small before. H– h–helped w– with crrr– curses.”
A twitch and jolt of worry very nearly makes me jerk my everything free of them. Sudden terror that… that all this was such a stupid mistake and… and I’m about to… to…
“Are they hurting you?” Tretion whispers softly, and her worry clarifies into that shape.
I shake my head. “No. lil be–fore. Not n–ow.”
“I thought not, but wanted to make sure. They really are lovely little ones, aren’t they?” Tretion squeezes me tighter, nuzzling closer to both me and them.
I can’t help but… but lean into her at the words. Murmur little agreements as such a flood of relief washes through me at her adorations for my little family. “They L–love m- me.”
Awnya pulls up a talon of mine to kiss at. Placing a tasty treat in my palm before letting go. “I have like… an eternity of questions. If that’s alright?”
I nod and nibble at the little treat, “Oke.”
At this point my Jellyfish at her soul seem to settle into a sort of… nap? Yeah a nap next to her soul. I’ve never seen them do that with anyone except me but… she seems happy and they seem fine so… I don’t worry about it. They’ll never hurt or feast on anyone I don’t ask them too.
“You said these Jellyfish,” Awnya brushes fingers in the direction of the one snuggling to her soul. “Are words. Like… Fae words? Then... they were like… a part of you? Buuuuut now they're like... manifesting?”
I think on that for a second, then nod. “Mhm. Um… B– but al– so Blight O–cee–an.”
Awnya pauses to nibble on a fruit for a while. Soul just… a calming thrum of consideration and wonder and… well I guess there is a touch of concern but… it doesn’t seem to be directed at me or my Jellyfish more at… something else?
Her eyes roll up and down me, and such a… an odd smirk quirks at her lips.
Then Tretion’s soul sparks with just a touch of worry too. “Love.” She murmurs past me to our Fae. Voice and soul thrumming a soft warning.
“I… It seems like a good time, and... One of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t get the chance to tell her.”
I pull back from my watcher and look between them. “Wuh?”
Tretion reaches out to cup my cheek. “We just… you’ve been through a lot and we’re only just getting you comfortable talking. We have so much we’re trying to help you heal from. This can wait.”
I can’t help but lean into her hand, kiss the palm, then whisper. “Tell. Www–ill be f–ine. I oke."
“We can focus on the good half, deal with the rest later?” Awnya offers.
Tretion sighs, but nods. “Honestly at this point we’d upset you more by not explaining. What with how she’s already tantalized you with it.”
Awnya can’t help but chuckle, but… there is a hint of regret and guilt there. “You’re right. I… I kinda slipped there. Sorry.”
Tretion moves to snuggle me close. “I trust you love, just… you do jump before looking sometimes. I’m happy to act as a safety rope if you need to pull back.”
Awnya nods and her soul settles, moves up to sit closer and give us both little pecking kisses. “Thanks. Love you. Both of you. So much.”
Then she takes a deep breath, lets it out, and looks to me with a such a smile. “Lyra, do you know anything about the first Fae?”
I shake my head. A little wary and confused by the question.
“Nothing? Yuna didn’t…”
My mother’s name. I wince, and a soft little sound escapes my lips as I remember her grove. Wild and overgrown and… and abandoned and…
“Sorry. That… she’s, ah Dreamer’s Tits!” Awnya immediately pulls up to wrap legs tighter around us. “I’m sorry she wasn’t home when you tried to visit. She’s in the Morning Court with a couple of… huh, I guess they’d be your sisters.”
I bite my lower lip so hard it bleeds. Such a wash of both joy and… and shame and sadness and… and…
“Hey hey hey hey. It’s okay, love. She’s going to be SO happy to hear you’re alive and with us.” Awnya pulls my face up, uses a finger to loosen my bite and rub the blood away. Hums such a soft tune under her words to help encourage healing. “But… Only when you’re ready.”
“Sh–e Oke? Ussss-ete? O– oke?”
She winces a little. “Eh… They’re managing. But that’s not what we need to talk about right now.”
I curl tight around myself. “Srry.”
“It wasn’t your fault. And…” Tretion murmurs and hugs me so tight. “They’re sorry too.”
Awnya continues after a few beats. “BUT, that is not what I need to tell you.”
Deep breath, and I look back up to her.
“So… where was I?”
Tretion sighs. “The First Fae.”
“Right!” Awnya takes up both of our entwined hands and kisses them. “So, the Fae don’t remember much, and a lot of our stories contradict each other a lot, but something that a ton of our oldest songs on them mention is that the first Fae came from outside the Dream itself.”
An old memory snaps into my mind then. One that… that I’d been trying to piece together over the past few years. Only… only the soul of that dying Godthing gave me even a little droplet to add.
“Lyra?” Awnya asks softly, pulling my attention back to her. “Right there you… what is it? What do you remember?”
Remember? She… how… how does she know… WAIT!!!
“H– ow yy– you knnn-ow!?!” I very nearly hiss the words at her.
She winces, and her soul thrums with guilt. “I… Your mom told me.”
“Sh–ssssshheeee” I spit, jerking free of her hands. “Kn– kn– kn– ew!?!”
“Yeah.”
I growl and hiss and glare down at my stupid talons. “H– h– how?”
“Eh… It's complicated. She just… the way your Amwella never was even bothered by the Rot and Ruin tipped her off.”
“Wh– Why?” I force out. “Wh– wh– w– why. N– nnnot. T– tell m- m- me!?!?”
“She didn’t want to hurt you.” Awnya tries to calm me. “Drug a Promise Song out of me before she’d even sing a word of it.”
That makes me freeze for a second. “B–ut… T– ell now? How?”
“She broke the promise song for me. To… to help with magic so I can eventually leave the manor.” Tretion murmurs, letting tendrils and soft lips nuzzle my hair as her soul flitters with anxious worry. “But… From what Awnya told me it seems you didn’t remember this before. May we ask when and what you know?”
My fury tilts into such shame and guilt and… and pain. So much at… at…
I shake my head. “Y– you F–ff- fir– first.”
Awnya sighs while Tretion nods.
“Alright. I um… Okay so you came from outside the Dream. Were and are able to swim through the sea of Rot and Ruin to get here after… um…” She hesitates, and I feel in her soul that she’s about to pivot past but…
But she sees it in my eyes. And I see it in hers.
‘After your parents killed you.’
“Dreamer’s Tits, Lyra I… I’m so sorry.” She whispers as I can feel her heart breaking. “That… I was going to save that for later. You… I…”
I have to look away. Can’t… can’t stand to see that in her. The knowledge that even my human parents hated me so Dreamer Blighted much that they wanted to see me dead and gone and rotting and–
“Lyra.” Tretion’s gentle voice and furious flare of love cuts through my spiral like lightning in pitch night. “My Beloved, you crossed through death, an endless void, and a blighted sea to come to this Dream. To your mother. To Awnya. And to me. You mastered Songcraft quicker than any other Fae and rewove for yourself a wondrous and perfect body to suit well the soul beneath.”
“Exactly!” Awnya agrees. “That’s… Dreamer’s Tits, That's what I needed to tell you!!! You really are the most Fae girl I’ll ever meet! Because that’s what the first ones did! They came here from somewhere else and… and helped heal everything! Warm the Dream and share their sparks and make new Fae out of silly little forest creatures like me!” Our wondrously perfect Fae takes up my talons and kisses them both. “I was given my Spark, while you? Your Amwella blazed since before you ever even touched this Dream!”
I shake my head. Overwhelmed by… by this all. My soul riven in twine between the pain at the memories, and the loving swell in their souls and words.
“I’m not sure how much I trust knowledge passed down through the flippant whims of Fae narrations.” Tretion adds. “But… It all fits. And you’ve always been a wonder, Lyra.”
“Why m–atter?” I whisper.
“Because…” Awnya purrs then, reaching up to cup my cheek as her soul thrums in such loving admiration. “You deserve to know just how special and amazing you are. How… how despite all the absolute horror you’ve suffered, you’ve always kept fighting. Kept swimming to reach for love and happiness.”
Tretion pulls us both so close then, murmurs. “It’s… It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you. I… when we first met I could have so easily become just like my grandmother, given enough time. All because of how cruel she was to me, but… there you were. So different but so much like me. Unwilling to become the monster this Dream was trying to break you into. Willing to suffer more if it meant a stranger could live better.”
I don’t know when I started to shake, but now I’m trembling. Falling apart at… at just how wonderful and perfect and how… how... and just how WRONG they are!!!
I let talons dig and scratch at burned flesh so hard I bleed.
“B– B– but M– m— monstrrrr.” I growl through rising sobs. “Kk–illed Fff— ather. A–ate Trei—trrretioon’s S– soul! Then… Th–then… a- a- ate m- mo- more!!!”
So much. A decade of just… letting Thendra drag me into just… letting go. Stop worrying about feeling. So willing to slaughter and feast and Reave this Dream of so many souls if it meant she would just…
Keep me.
“Lyra you are not a m–”
“AM MONSTER!!!” I scream so clearly it jolts them both at how perfect the words come out. Souls flicker in worry, then… then pain and pity and–
I struggle, jerking free of our snuggle. They let me pull free, don’t try to stop me as I get up to walk away. I don’t like… go far. Just far enough away that my soul tails would have to merge a lot before they could reach them. Then I plop to sit in the weird grass and glare out at the odd trees growing here.
What am I still doing here!?! I… I don’t deserve to feel their love! I should just… just… find a way back to the Blighted Sea. Just like I planned.
“Lyra.” Tretion is the first to break the silence. “I said it before, and yes, I can only assume what she’s had you doing, but you did what you needed to do to survive. And in the thrall of a Reaver it was undoubtedly horrid.”
Such a stupid thing for such a brilliant person to say. I… I’ve not been Thendra's slave for years. I did whatever she told me to do. It was all my choice!!! Why can’t they just… just HATE me? Show just a little bit of anger for the monster that hurt them both so much!?!
“Exactly! And like... Where else could you have gone?” Awnya murmurs. “And how would she have reacted if you’d not been willing to be her Reaver? What more would she have done to you?”
Her words bring a flurry of… of such… horrid possibilities. She… I mean… she might have just kept me as a… I swallow hard at the words, push away the horrid memories. Pillow slave. I… I should have just… been that. Would have hurt less people and she would have–
But then a memory Thendra’s words cut through me like a knife.
“In this state she cannot come with me into a conflict.” Thendra leaned back, “I would place her in one of these brothels, a luxury prize that would bring in a decent amount of coin, but… As I said, I do not wish to manage such a place.”
“And any that could pay you well probably fear the risk of having her.” Tretion murmured.
There would have been no place for me. I’m trembling so hard then as I remember that first time I met Tretion. How… how even then I was so poised and ready to just… just kill her or… or give her up to some cruel godthing. But… but I didn't.
COULDN’T!!!
So… what would she have done to… to make me into this? To push me farther and farther until–
“And there were the Fae to consider.” Tretion very nearly growls as I curl tight around myself. “That woman is a wretch, but… you felt she offered you safety from them.”
“More like she made herself seem like the only safe place you could be.” Awnya spits. “Because that’s what happened with Raska. The cunt knew you’d get attached, and just… waited to use her hatred to hurt you.”
I huff, and glare off into the trees. Not... not able to find wrong things in their words but...
“But…You are safe here, and it’s like I told you all those years ago, none can enter without mine or Awnya’s approval.” Tretion moves to scoot just a little closer. “We’re going to keep you here. Safe and healing. With or without our direct help. Able to rest and just… Explore who you want to be. Without horrid souls pushing you this way and that.”
My soulfire thrums. All this is just… it’s too much. And… and I can’t help but dig talons into my flesh as I feel the hunger bubbling up. Such a deep and reflexive call for my Dark Goddess to… to break me. Pin me amidst spice and warmth while she reaves body and soul and–
“Exactly. Dreamer’s Tits I… I only did a bit of research into what you being like the first Fae could mean but… like… Your little Jellyfish there inspire me girl.” Awnya gushes in a way that I can feel the grin she must wear. “You’ve taken what most would consider wretched and blighted and… and taken care of them! Loved them and… and they just… they… Dreamer’s Tits we can literally feel how happy they are to be here and with you!”
That jolts me from the spiral. Makes me look at my Jellyfish that coo and nuzzle so close as they seem to continue their nap snuggled close to my sea of Amwella.
“You’re an excellent mother to them.” Tretion murmurs. So soft and… and almost more to herself.
I wrap tendrils around them and pull my clutch ever closer. Feel fresh tears bubble out as… and her words wash through me. I like… kinda knew that. Felt more than understood what I became to them.
But… Memories of… of my first mother drag me into such a muck of pain. The woman who… who loved me before… before cursing me and hating me and… and helping hurt me so… so much and… and what if I’m like her!?! I… I can’t… but… but they don’t want to leave me!?! I’ve never hurt them and… and seemed just so happy as they nuzzled up to their Amwella!!!
And then a slew of memories of my own Fae mother. She… she tried to help me. But… but she just… never fought for me. Never seemed willing or wanting to like… like… But that’s not fair to ask of her! It’s like she told me!
'Never live in misery for another’s happiness.'
But… I would do anything for those who love me. HAVE done anything for… for…
Dance around that thought. Don’t want to consider that right now.
BUT they seem so happy here! Delighted every single time they… they…
It’s only then that I realize that I’m missing a few. Sensing in a snap of realization that a couple of them stayed behind when I got up. Remain so snoozy and just… comfortable snuggled up to another’s souls.
Thoughtlessly and easily basking in the warm love of my Watcher and Fae.
I turn back to just… watch Awnya and Tretion sitting comfortable and happy and… and delighted to feel them remain close. Offer them thrumming of warm resolute love from their own souls as mine dips into muck.
They smile at me, and so much of the pain and worry drips away at that.
“Lyra, would you like us to come hold you too?” Awnya smirks.
I can only nod, and end up moving to meet them half-way as we kinda scrupple across the grass. Fall into a big hug pile and wrap both of them and everyone of my children in my endless sea of tendrils.
Letting myself just… drown in their affections and love and… and steadfast assurance that everything is going to be okay. That they’ve found me and I’ve found them and… and they just… never want to let me go.
Find even this broken and sad thing I’ve let myself become rapturously worthy of their love.
We accidentally wake up the napping Jellyfish but… after some grumbles they join in the embrace.
Just… so happy to be squished between our souls.