CW:

Snuggles. and trauma talk and people eat things. Illegal cliffhangers because I love you all SOOO much.

Awnya finds us in a tangled mess somewhere between the bathroom and the bedroom. Just… cuddled so close and murmuring little words and sounds of joy as we’ve had to stop and just sit together on the floor when one of us dissolved into a puddle.

And before she can even set the tray of food she’s brought I’m reaching out to pull her into the muddle. Trying to… to…

“I. L– love. Ye– ou.” I force through the hug as my soul tails and jellyfish snuggle close.

“Love you too, girl.” She whispers back, and I can feel how my words and embrace crack something inside her. Some… some final barrier I think she erected to protect her heart.

Just in case I could hate her for keeping me safe.

Which… I’m a monster who just killed Furthonois. I don’t need keeping safe.

R– right?

“Dreamer’s Tits. You’re probably starving.” She murmurs, wiping at her fresh tears and dragging the tray around. “So…”

Then with a flourish she whips off the lid to reveal a pile of random nonsense shapes and colors and a trio of mugs of glistening clear liquid.

Dreamer’s Tits it’s weird to taste things again. But… to my relief and delight it seems just… just like normal food from outside the manor! Or… well at least I can’t tell the difference as I shove the sweet and salty wonders into my mouth and guzzle down the cool water.

As we eat they just… begin to tell me all the things they’ve done over the past years. How the manor is filled to bursting with thousands of freed souls, and all the wonderful new rooms they’ve worked together to weave.

If the food wasn’t so wonderful I might have caught more but… honestly, there are so many words and names and like… number things I can’t help but just… let my…

My…

I pause mid bite as I consider that. Froze by the warm thoughts that bubble through me.

What… What are they to me now?

Are they still... still my lovers?

I look up between them how… how Awnya so easily smirks and smiles amidst Tretion’s talk of serious things, and our watcher’s easy calm at explaining a few dozen complex concepts with her. Something… a lot of things about keeping food, water and supplies in the manor stable. Also like… crafting magic things she’s been working on. And a whole host of other nonsense I can tell is important but just… I don't understand.

But… huh. I almost feel bad about that but Awnya seems just as lost at times. Needs to ask clarifying questions and seems really happy when Tretion needs to bumble down a tangent to help her get it.

And their souls sing such a wonderful harmony between them. A happy like… bobbing melody of calm and delight in just… each other. And… and even me.

Especially me. This is normal for them and they just… but it’s like half their focus is always on me and a little worried and trying to make sure I’m–

“Lyra?” Tretion murmurs and lays a hand on my leg.

“Hmm?” I turn to look up at her.

“Are you alright?” Her gaze dances between the food that I hold paused just outside my lips and my eyes.

With a blush I quickly shove the morsel of tasty somethings into my mouth and nod furiously. Then bring her hand up to my lips for a quick kiss. A hopeful assurance that I’m okay.

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

Such a wonderful smile blossoms on her face and I… I just…

Before I know what I’m doing my free talon is reaching out to touch her face, letting her tendrils reach forward and tangle around its wrist as her eyes flutter nearly shut in such rapture at my touch.

Awnya chuckles, and the sound causes me to turn to fix my eyes on hers.

Just… stare. Ask her the question I don’t have the words for.

She smirks, but… her eyes and soul sing with desire and hunger and… and more than all that!

But also a soft wariness.

“We…” Our watcher murmurs, giving voice to both their worries, and from the corner of my eye I can see her eyes flit over to Awnya’s. “We don’t need to rush into anything Lyra.”

“Pl–”

But she trails off as I try to… to force out…

“Pl– Plese?” Is the best I can manage, turning back to Tretion. “If… if…”

She sort of… freezes up as I glance between them and trail off.

Awnya reaches out to lay a hand on my leg. “You sure? She’s right. We have all the time we need.”

“I–”

Stupid tongue.

“If– y– you– S–till.” I growl and huff. Looking between them for help.

Awnya smirks. Tretion reaches out to gently touch my cheek, a request to turn back to look at her.

“Of course we will delight in making love to you Lyra.” She murmurs as her eyes seem to search my face. “But… We also don’t want you to feel like this is something you owe anyone. This body is yours to enjoy or keep in ways that please you.”

I huff, shake my head, then in a flash of inspiration I take up her hand and kiss her wrist. Then give it a soft nibble.

And I see the memories that sparks in those gorgeous crimson eyes.

“I… I’m not sure what I can offer after sunrise.” I hum, then tilt my gaze to find her smokey crimson eyes fixed on mine. “But… you can take anything of me that you want before then.”

Her soul melts a bit. Both in more of the passionate desire, but… also in sadness. Then… the other hand wanders up to take my face.

“I’ll take anything you wish to give me.” She leans down and murmurs, tendrils curl around me tighter. “And offer you everything in return.”

She tries so hard to stop the blush and smile that teases at her lips. “Lyra… I… Are you certain?”

I crawl forward and pull myself up and wait just a whisper from her face as I clutch her hand close. Nuzzle the palm and press the fingers close while keeping my eyes locked on hers.

“Pl– plese.” I whisper.

My watcher carefully, oh so gently, reaches up to take my face in hers as a tremble rolls through her. One that screams of such repressed urges and desires tempered with worry and care.

“You will tell me the moment I bump into a scar, okay?” She growls so softly. “The second something hurts. Outside or inside. Even a brush of pain and we pause. Thought or memory or flesh.”

I just… stare back. A little confusion obviously showing on my face. Why would we stop just because something hurts?

She leans her forehead into mine, letting her head tendrils weave such happy patterns through my short hair. “Lyra, my beloved, I didn’t realize before just how willing you are to endure agony for those you love. And I will not take advantage of that. I refuse to ignore your past scars.”

“Wuh?” Is all I can mumble. Both hands moving up to cup her face, weave gentle assuring caresses as I so obviously try to piece together what she’s talking about.

Sex is like… one of the easiest things to do with those I want to be with… Why is she suddenly so careful now? Did… did I do something wrong?

“May I um… Try to whittle that down for her?” Awnya whispers softly.

Tretion chuckles. “Please do.”

Then my watcher adjusts so I can turn to see Awnya picking up a morsel of fruit to nibble at while she considers her next words.

I end up settling back into our watcher’s lap and pulling her arms about me. As we huggle her soul into my Naranggas I can just… feel and enjoy how much she delights in that and can’t help but nuzzle deeper into her embrace.

“So… this… um… Okay so I’m going to try and avoid being too specific about this.” Awnya starts. “These kinds of… moments are times where we’d like you to be more able to communicate what you're feeling or needing. Not the sex, but like… talking. We don’t want to assume too many things about what’s happened over these past years.”

I look down. Flashes of… of all the… the pain and-

“See?” She murmurs. “Right there. You had a thought, probably some bad memories. And they hurt you, didn’t they?”

I nod.

“That’s what we’d like to avoid when we take you to bed with us.” Tretion adds and squeezes me tighter. “Why we’d like to help you communicate better. Because Lyra…”

And then my watcher is turning me to face her, such a serious expression to match her soul’s adoration and focus on these next words.

“Your pain matters.”

I freeze. Feel my eyes widen in a weird mix of confusion and fear.

“Yeah and like… not in that nonsense about needing pain to useful.” Awnya adds. “All of it matters. Every scrap. Because it tells us when something is hurting, and should be a signal to stop whatever is causing the pain and try to figure it out if we can. But…”

Tretion lets me twist back into a relaxed seat as Awnya passes to think again. “But… It’s like we were saying before. Some really horrid people often use this as a way to control others. Sort of… setting up people to get in hurt places they wouldn’t otherwise. Trick them into thinking that it’s normal and natural and pushing them to develop their responses to it.”

I blink at her. Trying to… to find a way to say she’s wrong. That… that using pain to… to mold me was good and… and… But… That’s exactly what Thendra did. What she told me she would do.

After she took me back and held me and fucked me bloody she… she told me she’d never love me and…

I shake my head. Trying to push away this line of thought.

No I… she… but… I asked her to! She gave me what I wanted!

Right?

Because I… I deserved it. Because I… I killed my Tretion and… and…

I squeeze my eyes shut as my breathing goes a bit stiff and quick. The memories I used to hold close and cherish and beg her to recreate bringing such a horrid sour bile taste to my lips as I sit here in my Watcher's arms. Jellyfish move to snuggle close and radiate as much calming warmth as they can.

Stop. I scream into my own wretched mind. Stop ruining this! Stop stop stop stop sTOP STOP STOP STOP!!!

“Hey… hey…” Then Awnya is in front of us, touching my legs and cooing soft murmurs of love and support. “It’s okay. You’re alright. We’re going to help you. Give you all the love and care and time you need to heal.”

I reach out to find one of her hands, pull it close. I pull Awnya’s and Tretion’s fingers up to my lips. Kiss and nibble at these two wonderful lovers who… who…

Who love me more than they want to fuck me. Who hate the idea of even little snippets of pain marring our embraces.

“And sex can be a wonderful way to do that.” Tretion murmurs as she pushes lips and wonderful tendrils into my hair. “So, if you still want to try that today, we can. But if… if something starts making it hurt you’ll ask us to stop. Okay?”

I continue to nibble for a bit. Nuzzling them both close as I still the old wretched memories and just… focus on… What do I want?

The answer is obvious and sends such a shiver of anticipation through me.

“Oke.” I’m able to just barely whisper.

Then while still holding both her and Awnya’s hands I twist and tilt up to gaze into my watcher’s face.

“Okay.” She murmurs.

And then I raise up to gently place my lips a whisper from hers, and after a pause she leans down into the kiss.