CW:

Panic attacks. wiggly trans gerls. woops. much sad songs in the middle with Awnya POV. then a lil smexy things at the end, but emotions interrupt that nonsense!

“Muh?” I mutter blearily as I sit up in the bed, staring at Raska as she wraps a new pretty outfit of twisting nonsense around her chest and hips. A sort of… very revealing skirt and underthing with a top that hangs to cover only one shoulder and a single breast.

“I’m taking us to meet those people I told you about.” She holds out a hand. “They’re all like us. Girls who reshaped themselves from old nonsense into shapes that fit them.”

I take a second to wipe my eyes as I hold out a talon, murmuring tired nothings as–

A spark, and flash, and she’s dragging me through a Riftwalk.

I sort of… stumble into a well lit and warm space. Tiled floor, windows that overlook an ocean of deep bluish green hues and a city at its edge, a big soft looking bed and a couple desks and dressers. Heavy with a sweet scent and occupied with… with…

Three women besides Raska and myself. Each more perfect than the last.

The first is a sort of… four armed bug lady with purple chitin over their skin and three sets of flat reddish eyes on a head tipped with antennae and a scruff of pale hair. More soft pale fur peeks out around her hips and chest. A gown of shimmering dark jade wraps about her frame.

The second is smaller than me, but… not childish. Long pointed ears, longer red hair and sun-kissed blue skin covered with little splotches of purple. She’s only wearing a long shirt that seems way too big for her.

The last is… the oddest. Her entire body is translucent green with little sparkling bits throughout. Almost… no, not almost, very much like she’s made of water or… or something more… gooey? Slime seems like a mean word to describe her perfect form. The only thing different is a pear of twinkling black orbs that serve as eyes.

“Hey cunts!” Raska chimes happily as she helps stabilize me.

The group turns to regard her, eyes flit to me… almost in worry. But then shine in… in…

Right.

I am still naked.

“Hey Raska!” Chimes the bug lady.

“Hia!” Chirps the little one.

The gooey lady just… looks between us before adding in a soft almost melodic tone. “Is your busy week already over? And who is… this?”

I glance away, unable to… like… form words. New tongue heavy and refusing to move as my heart thunders.

“It is!” Raska sort of, steps to the side and motions at my everything. “This is Lyra! My new Kujdestar.”

There is a long pause as I feel my cheeks flush red.

“Oh!” The bug lady exclaims. “Okay. I see how she… yeah okay. Your soul tails are wild and really neat!”

“And you brought her here… why?” The gooey one murmurs, but… not unkindly. Almost in apology to me?

“Would she like a shirt or… like… any clothes?” The little one giggles.

Raska cackles, “Naw, she prefers to go around in as little coverings as possible.”

I try to turn a glare on the duchess, but her teasing smirk turns it into a sort of blubbering scowl.

I just… can’t… Dreamer’s Tits! Raska had me moaning and begging really loudly last night. Why can’t I talk now!?!

“Raska…” The gooey lady sighs, and I turn to see her moving over to a dresser, reaching in to fuss about. Eventually pulls out a simple green gown. “She just… pulled you out of bed didn’t she?”

I sigh, nod, and take the offered clothing.

“Why did you think to just… drop in on us, Raska?” The gooey lady asks, voice kinda… clipped and annoyed. “A private visit is one thing, but for a social call we’d all prefer you come in the front door and schedule things. You know one of us is always happy to accommodate you.”

“Oh no this is totally a private thing!” Raska steps forward, eyes flickering with delight, “Sex is like… only on the menu if people want that. I just promised to introduce Lyra to you all.”

As I pull the clothing on the previous night's promises flood back. How… how she wanted me to meet more people like us. Like…

“Why’s that?” The smaller one tilts her head.

“Like me?” I manage to whisper softly, eyes darting up to just… take them all in again. Eyes suddenly a bit wet for some reason.

Raska hears me, reaches back to take up a talon. “She’s not met anyone like her. Ever. Told me she thought she was alone. The only girl born in the wrong body.”

All their eyes go wide at that. A pause, then the horrid fear and terror that Raska would just… tell them. That… that this was a mistake.

I need to run.

Hide.

Find Thendra and–

“Oh… oh sweetie!” And it seems the bug lady has little wings and is suddenly buzzing across the room to us. Touches my elbow gently. “That… I can actually very much understand how horrid that is!”

I freeze. Terror waring with… with something else. A thrumming that ripples through my Amwella and every one of my wriggling Naranggas.

“I…” I manage to get my tongue to say, dissolve into stammering nonsense. “I don’t…”

“It’s okay.” She pulls up my other talon, the one where my jellyfish sleep. “You’re safe here. We’re all like you.”

I look around.

Old… old panic at shadows and shouting and… how everyone who told me they accepted this is either dead or… or… hates me now.

Stolen novel; please report.

Waking Nightmares rouse from deep within. A thing returning that my dark goddess should have freed me from all those years ago.

“Raska…” The gooey lady murmurs. “This might not be the best way to…”

The duchess is saying something, but I just… can’t… can’t focus on it. Eyes squeeze shut, try to… to pull my mind from the muck of fear at… at…

All others will scorn and ravage you.

“Hey, Hey Lyra?”

Naranggas reach out, a reflex to find either the long-gone soul of steady cold or... or a storm to smother this ocean of pain.

But all they find is something hot and horrible and hateful and furious that…

“Ukalon’s tits and teeth, Raska you idiot!”

A few more shouts, My soul tendrils whirl about in fury and terror. Trying to… to ward off the hateful flames. Then they hit something… odd? Something…

Cold.

Wonderfully cold.

Before I can realize what’s happening my Naranggas snap out, hungry to consume the glacial soul that I’ve not felt for over eight years.

A soul of soft melting wonder that–

I’m screaming and sobbing as I stumble backwards. Terror and desire and such pain flooding my mind as I struggle to pull back the nearly two dozen tendrils of soul stealing death.

No!

Stop!

Can’t kill her again.

Please NO!!!

STOP!!!

But… the cold soul just… takes them. Pulls my tendrils close and drags herself up to my core. Envelopes my flesh and binds my talons.

Then my eyes snap open.

Two of the three women are on the far side of the room with Raska, staring my way in pain and worry. While the third. The gooey lady… She’s wrapped my body and a good chunk of the Naranggas in a big messy hug. Her body this liquid mass that so easily takes me into itself.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” She’s cooing softly as her… kinda everything just… wraps and slurps about me. “You’re safe. Bite and cut and… knick at me all you need to, you can’t hurt me Lyra.”

But… my watcher’s voice is all I hear.

My Tretion.

My Bound Beloved.

Back in the dream to hold and love me for just a little while more. Cold soul nuzzled close while my mind dips into the muck of guilt and shame.

And for the next hour I am sobbing into this weird cold lady’s melty body while she keeps my Naranggas from hurting anyone, including herself.

* * *

I… I can’t do this anymore.

I sit on the edge of the Dead Dreamer’s Wood just… staring into the trees where my lover swims free.

It’s not fair to Tretion, to me… and not Lyra.

Tears roll down my cheeks as I hum this final melody for that amazing and beautiful Fae girl who either can’t or won’t return to me.

A song of love and peace and… and hope. Hope that she’s finally found happiness. That… that if she truly has swam beyond the borders on the other side of the Rot and Ruin that she–

My promise to Yuna stops me from singing more. From trying to share the horrible and wonderful truth out into the sea.

So I weave into it tales of Tretion and Nelops. Of how Lyra inspired us all and led us into giving so much of ourselves to each other and… and to thousands of now freed souls.

And that… that if she ever returns to the Dream we’ll be waiting.

That all she has to do is return home, and she will be smothered in love everlasting.

And then I… I sing my sorrows to her.

All my mistakes.

All the things I wish I could have done differently.

All my desperate love to just… feel her in my arms again. To give her my everything, for always and forever until the Dream itself cracks and fades…

But… all too soon. It’s time for me to leave.

To get up and move on.

Return to the home and family I’ve built from the ashes of the life that refused to love her as we do.

* * *

My clothes last maybe… five heartbeats? Less?

I’m barely counting these days.

Days? No it’s… it’s been over a month since Raska took me as her Kujdestar and introduced me to this wonderful group of girls who are each like me!

Zephin is always the first to pounce when we pop into the upper floors of their estate. A buzzing mess of energy that was the first to want to hug me on that first day. Now loves to just… fly up to me, wrap all four limbs about mine, shower me with little nibbles from her wonderful… mouth? Things? I don’t really… Like it has four little grabber limb things but no lower jaw. Four tongues which she uses very well. In both kissing and um… lower kissings.

Next is often little Sevy. A ball of cute titters and loud affections! Little wonderful body of soft scales and um... well she still has a cock that she's VERY good at using. She was also the only one to swim with me when she drug the harem out to the beach last week. Got to swim and enjoy the sea of colors and little friendly wiggling things that live just beneath the waves. Even… um… sort of pulled me into a game that involved holding our breath and seeing how long we could go at each other before needing air.

She was apparently cheating though. What with her gills and all. But… I did finish the Amwella dance and left her a wiggly mess so I still won.

And then there’s Wren. Dreamer’s Tits is she just… too much. But… in all the good ways.

While all the rest of us were just like… born wrong. The sex of the body a disjunction from the soul and mind, Wren wasn’t even considered a person to those that made her. She doesn’t like to talk about it, and I am terrified to push this amazing woman who just… loves everyone so much. Despite a past of horrors she chose to replace with wonderful lovers.

A... something I could only dream of finding for myself just... shared freely and with eager abandon.

Her gooey body is all soul, but… also not soul? Not Amwella, she had explained, just… porously weighted physical sustenance that can turn both Amwella and flesh things into food.

I… do not understand any of that. Only that her hugs are wonderful and sent me into weepy messes in that first week that I still cannot explain to them.

But now she just… fills me with warm horniness ever since the night that Raska pulled me into an Amwella dance with the two of them.

It was like… well having sex in a wonderfully cool bath, but the water is alive and snuggling close and fucking you silly while the other girl in the bath is also fucking you silly and being fucked silly herself.

And here she is again, swirling around my everything, pulling me into a tight embrace.

My Amwella and Naranggas can’t help but drag her ever closer. Shove fingers and talons and lips and everything else through her.

At first I thought that like… feeding on her would be hard or impossible. But… nope! My soul just has to work for it. If most Amwella is like a soft mushy fruit you can just gobble up, Wren’s is… is like a woman you have to poke a hole in and suck the juices out slowly. It's amazing and makes the pleasure of anything I do with her last way longer than most dances.

Oh… And apparently she can also become highly acidic and burn almost anything or Amwella she touches away!

Thus… my clothes are melting and dissolved within seconds of my accepting her offer and embracing her.

Leaving me a puddle of moaning messes as she holds me aloft in the middle of her private chambers. One leg lifted so that she can just… fill me up with herself. Toy with me and slowly draw me into a couple shuddering climaxes before really starting to fuck me with a gooey mess of perfectly sized limbs she's grown for this.

Other than Raska, Wren is the only other woman I’ve met who can match my seemingly everlasting appetites. And even then Raska was a bit sore and ready to sleep while I was begging Wren to fuck me again.

By morning I literally could not move, and my Naranggas lay quivering and limp around us. Wren’s gooey body slurped around me, the perfect blanket to lull me into one of the best sleeps I’d had in years.

“H– Harder!” I hiss into whatever mass of goo my teeth I’m trying to bite into.

It’s just myself and her for now. Raska’s entertaining a private guest or ally or… someone else. She sent me upstairs to spend more time with the girls. Says she’ll probably be up later to snatch me away.

Wren bubbles with laughter, always delighted to get a few complete words out of me. I… I still don’t say but a few things on most days.

Something… I don’t know. Something feels broken in me. I know my tongue works, and… and privately I can still sing little songs and talk a little easier. But… when I’m around people? Even girls as wonderful and understanding as these four?

My thoughts just… won’t come out without such a fight.

My chilly dance partner increases her speed and force. I wriggle and bite and cut and struggle, but… nothing works. Nothing makes this wonderful big gooey lady fuck me harder!!!

She loves to tease me like this. Wants to just… keep me here with her all night with just enough pleasure to only barely satisfy and tire me. But… still leaving me wanting just one more dance of our souls.

I don’t even hear the door open, just… suddenly Zephin’s arms are plunging through Wren while her wiggly bug mandible things begin to nibble at my bare shoulder. Wren’s already slithered her mass to include the beautiful bug lady.

Spinning her into our embrace of gooey lovemaking.

Love…. Making?

That thought jolts me. Cuts through the hornii madness like a knife.

I can’t love anyone!!! Not again! Not even in little ways! I’ll hurt them!

Both them notice my sudden turn from writhing in pleasure to stiff trembling horror almost immediately.

I… I should leave! But… but I can't! Thendra needs me to stay and… and protect Raska and–

Wren slurps us all down to the floor, wriggles her body to just be holding me. Zephin moves to adjust. Ready to pull back if my Naranggas start getting angry, but still very close and caressing.

“What’s wrong? Did I startle you Lyra?” Zephin murmurs, nibbles at my shoulder when I shake my head.

I try… oh Dreamer’s blighted cunt and clit I try so hard to blurt out an apology. But all that comes out is a silent cough and huff.

“It’s okay. Hey, it’s okay!” Wren coos as a frustrated sob just… pops out of me

They just… hold me for a while. Let me wrap Naranggas around Wren’s cold blank soul. I don’t feel anything from her, which is fine to me. I… I don’t think I could handle that right now…

Eventually Sevy stumbles in on us, sees the mess of quiet tears and affections and just… can’t help but blunder into me with a big hug. Wren tries to get her to calm down, but… when she sees the smile Sevy’s affections bring to me she includes her in the gooey embrace.

Sevy takes my face in her hands, asks seriously but softly. “What’s wrong?”

I… thinking back, Sevy is probably the one I’ve shared the most words with over the month.

Deep breath. Try to… to force out the words.

“Sorry.” I barely whisper.

“For what?” Wren asks softly.

“Can’t… Need to…” I huff. Annoyed that this is so hard.

Zephin pats my knee. “Take your time. There’s no rush.”

And she means it.

At one point they try to have me write things, but… it’s just as hard. The words just… slip away the moment I try to write them. It takes me almost the entire next month to slowly, over the course of many many visits to their wonderful home, tell them a little.

“Was Human. Born wrong. Ran away. New mother found me. Taught me magic. But… that family hates me too. Thendra found me. Keeps me.”

They try so hard to just… I don’t know. Help? I think?

But I catch the looks, a few hushed whispers of worry. Eyes looking closer at my Naranggas as they hear my dark goddess’ name and murmurs of what I am…

Reaver.

After that I… I try to keep my distance from them. But… Raska just keeps bringing us here. And… Well, I can’t help but want to be close to them all. Silent and watching and just… being seen and comfortable knowing they understand a part of me that even my dark goddess doesn’t consider.

I’m like them.

But… also more.

Given a purpose to slaughter and consume.

My reward is the sex.

Life is just… so much easier that way.

But I start to… to feel that deep unhealthy attachment that's almost killed me time and time again begin to fester and bloom.

But… What can I do!?! They’re all so wonderful and sweet and kind and… and I think they’re starting to love me too!!! I want to ask Raska to stop bringing me here, but… I can’t figure out the Dreamer Blighted words!

Can’t even begin to explain why I should just… stay away so that I won’t hurt them!