CW:

hmmm... snuggles? Talk of past abuse. Desire for self harm and talk of outlets. Sleeping in a pile of galpals and gerlthings!

“She’s really proud of ya.” Raska murmurs.

“Muh?” I look up to her in confusion and a little worry.

But the core of her soul is settled and calm. Thinking deep and wibbly thoughts as we sit quietly a little ways away from my Beloveds.

Tretion wanted to give the people Undreka killed some new souls right away. The Manor kept their bodies and minds safe but… They have lovers and family who are worried. So she asked if I’d rather be away for this but…

No. I’d not gotten to give the Manor a good hug for too long!

It… was a little hard. Not because it didn’t want a hug but because Tretion had it reorganize this room since I last came here. It’s bigger. Nicer. With soft carpets and pretty walls and all sorts of books and desks and odd contraptions. And in the middle is a weird big bubble wrapped about the floating blobby heart. I tried to embrace the bubble, but both me and the manor didn’t really like that. So Tretion had the bubble grow to envelope me. It… was a little scary. Too much like before in the Containment thing but… that’s alright.

The Manor gurbled so happily and even had weird wibbly tendrils to snuggle me close.

And now Tretion guides the Manor through this, and I’m giving Raska such a look of confusion.

She smirks. “We all were probably thinking the same thing. That… You’d either eat the bitch, or that she’d tell you to leave with her. But… then she started taunting and hurting you and… fuck at least I thought you’d fall to pieces and let her hurt you. But… Then you were telling the big cunt off and making her fall to pieces. That… Then helping her decide to go all peaceful like into being a prisoner.”

I tilt my head a touch, and Raska giggles at that. “Just… Yeah, you should have waited and let Tretion handle it, but it all worked out in ways better than she could have hoped. And you spoke aloud a ton of things she was worried would take years to see you agree with. Much less speak to a Reaver.”

“Oh…” I nod and glance away, embarrassed.

“Can I… ask who she was? That Reaver?” Raska eventually murmurs. “She’s from before I met the cunt, but… I always thought her brood was like… permanent. A life oath.”

I sigh and shrug. “Think… weird. Th– th– th– thendra can bring back. If th– th– they die. B– but no m– memories. Und– Undreka was f– first Reaver I m– met. In w– woods. Hurt. W– wounded. Th– then m– more and Th– th– Thendra came. H– hurt and c– cap– tured.” Then I pull down my shirt and point to the angry scar. “C– cursed s– self and Th– Thendra t– to s– save. M– made deal.”

Raska nods. “I… alright. Yeah. Awnya told me some of that. Name’s sparkin' in my memories now.”

I sway and don’t know what else to say.

“Sorry, by the way.” She eventually whispers. “That… Awnya mentioned you were warming to her. First girl to stumble into your Woods and… yeah. To see her back, especially now, and attacking you and saying those things is… that probably hurt a lot. I’m sorry.”

“Thanks.” I look back to her with a small smile. “F– for words and… and helping. K– kept family s– safe.”

“Course.” She nods, opens her mouth to say more but… goes still…

I shake my head as I read the next feelings she’d like to say and stop her. “No.”

“Wh– what?”

“S– sorry. C– can… C– can read people’s s– souls.” I whisper. “S– sorry. A– and… no.”

She winces. First at the first part, and in… huh. She feels bad about that. But mostly for me. Not… not angry? But there is frustration at my final words.

“I… Ukalon’s tits and teeth. That’s… a mess. Don’t apologize. It makes sense.” She huffs. Spark between her horns dancing. “But you’re wrong. I do owe you. I hurt you. Betrayed your trust. Let you… no. Chased you, back into that cunt’s arms when we...” The words, each one, crackles in tune with these little pops from her Blaze. “Would not have let you go!”

I freeze at those words.

And how they echo so… so well what I wanted to scream at my Beloveds when they locked me in here.

Let me go.

“N– no. I… W– was R– r– r–” I stammer.

She huffs and slumps back into her cushions when I feel Awnya give her a look. One that seems to convey both a soft urging to calm down, but also… support. And little wibbles of smirking hi hallos to me because of course she knows I can feel her really clearly.

“I know. But you… We’d have at least been a safe place.” She whispers. “I know things got bad. Even though I avoided her I… she had a reputation. And you can do full Riftwalks. You… you might have come back to us.”

It hurts. To think about. What could have been.

I curl tighter about myself. “M– mebe. R– Raska I… I d– didn’t w– want… w– want t– to… I m– mean I… I w– wanted h– her to h– hurt me.”

Raska jolts to a halt, then moves to carefully sit close. Soul screaming in… in such desire to hold me but…

“N– not y– yet.” I whisper.

And she nods.

“I… I get it.” She whispers. “You know it’s not your fault, but… can’t feel it. And even with Tretion back and alive and… and ready to hold you again, you still blame yourself.”

I nod.

“I… I’ve not always kept my girls safe. Lost more than a few to… to cunts like Thendra.” She murmurs. “Both at random and… and sometimes they’d run off or get snatched. By the time I’d find them, if I found them, it could be too late. Always blamed myself. Over and over running through how I should have been better. Faster. Scarier to the monsters that might think to hurt us. But… Wren keeps me grounded. Helps remind me to be a bit nicer to myself.”

I wince. “Y– you h– help. I… I hurt. B– both T– t– tre– tion and… and others. Ate them. F– for Thendra. Th– then… as– asked her to c– cut and– and sl– slice and… and it h– helps. E– empty m– me. D– drown m– me. D– d– deserved.”

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She shakes her head. “Naw. Nope. C’mon. We both know Thendra twisted you into thinking that. She’s… different, in ways, from others I’ve met. But also the same. Just probably better at reading and manipulating people. And… well… sorry but it wouldn’t be hard to convince a girl like you to blame yourself. See her cruelty as… as deserved. Even though it wasn’t. They’ve both told me what happened. The Fae betrayed and pushed you to it, and Thendra’s abuse was literally the reason you had those Waking Nightmares.”

“I…”

I mean… they have. Told me this. Endlessly offering love and soft words and things It’s hard to think I deserve. But…

Shake my head. “N– needed.”

I expect her to push back but… her soul wibbles in… something. Curiosity? Or… something else?

“I… So I don’t think letting that cunt hurt you was good or… or anything but…” She considers me, pointedly doesn’t glance over to my Beloveds as she murmurs. “I get it. Sometimes the pain bubbling up inside needs an outlet and… and sometimes you’re not sure you can contain it and you’re certain anything else is better than the guilt and pain and… and shame. And pain has a way of cutting us to pieces.”

Feel my eyes go wide. “N– not… K– kinda. Y– yeah. N– need t– to… t– to get away f– from m– memories. E– else… j– just stop.”

She nods. “I, literally, explode. Quirks of being Polysouled and an Everflame, I guess. When me, our Core, catches something fierce the rest just… can’t help but burn. Which lights me up hotter. Starts a nasty cycle.”

“Wh– what y– you…” But I pause, see her smirk as the answer is just… so obvious. “W– wren?”

“Yup. Just… gives me the biggest hugs she can. Smothers my mess in her cool calm love.” Raska sighs with a smirk. "Gives me an outlet that doesn't involve me hurting others... or myself."

I can’t help but smile back in pained love and... and such jealousy. “L– like F– first day. W– with me. Sh– she… C– cold soul. Like my Tr– Tretion. N– needed. Hurt t– to feel again. But… I loved h– her for that.”

She chuckles. “Always wondered why you could never seem to get enough of her.”

I blush and look away. “A– also good. A– at… um… S– sex. Th– things.”

She grins, “Yeah. And…” Pauses, then adds softly. “If you ever do want to see them. They’d all like that. Ever since Sevy spotted you bounding through one of the Communities I’ve been poked and prodded to try and tell you that. But… Tretion wanted you to not feel pressured. And you shouldn’t. At all. I… we’d all get it if you'd rather stay away.”

“D– don’t h– hate me?” I whisper.

She reaches out then, lets just our fingertips touch. “Never. They… they were just scared. Like me. But barely a second after you left they were all set to scream and shout and tell me off for… for what I did. Worse when I… um… came back a mess. After you saved me and left.”

“S– sorry.” I murmur.

Raska huffs and gives me a look of half annoyance, half pity and half… something else that bubbles out from her into these other parts of her Amwella.

“You… Lyra, you're apologizing. To me. That they got upset that I hurt you? Yeah. Nope. Stop that. You can say your sorry if it helps but… not here. Not now... Please?”

I look away again, chew on my lip, trying to… to clean off these mucky feelings inside. To separate the warmth from the cold icky fear dribbling off it every time I think about this… this person.

This wonderful girl who’s so much more like me than almost anyone I’ve ever met.

“But… you’re… you look tired. And I’m pushing you too hard on sensitive things.” She eventually whispers. “I could step out and get some pillows and blankets if you’d like to sleep properlike or…”

I adjust my fingers to grip hers fully. Shake my head. “N– no.”

“You sure?”

“No leave. Pl– please? If oke?”

“Yeah. I… whatever you need girl.”

Her offer bubbles something inside. Makes me…

“Um… sl– sleep w– with h– head… there?” I ask and point to her lap.

She pauses, chuckles, then adjusts to cross her legs over for me. “Sure. C’mere.”

And I do. Settling my shoulders and head on her solid and warm lap. And… and let myself wibble past a few bad memories to hold the good close. Of… of months spent in her bed. Smothering old pains in the sooty smell she seemed to leave everywhere she went. Feeling just… understood. Even when I couldn’t really share my past. Focus really hard on her Soul's Core and how it thrums in such soft things for me.

And, before I know it, I’m passing into Oblivion.

***

Lyra’s always blazed in really obvious ways. Never really able to hide how she’s feeling, or lie well, or… or be anything except what she is. And one of my favorite ways that I discovered this was watching her gorgeous soul pass from being awake into sleep.

When Lyra’s awake, her Amwella is… it's kinda like a bundle of snakes. Those soul tails coiled and writhing and ready to snap out and strike. Not wanting a fight but always so ready and so scared.

But when she’s asleep…

They relax. Untangle and just… drift up and sway in such odd ways. Always as if a silent melody only she can hear has wrapped her up and given her something to listen to while she sleeps.

I… I never thought I’d see that again. Not even after she did pass out when her Fae family came here. And especially not while she sleeps in my arms.

And here. Now? To… to have her breathing slow and quiet so quickly and… and her new and perfect soul already settling and swaying I…

A hand touches my shoulder, and I have to fight hard not to jerk. Find Awnya kneeling close.

‘You both okay?’ She mouths.

I pause, consider my core and form and… oh.

Well… I mean… yeah. Shoulders still shaking and Spark all a messy dribble. If I still had my old eyes I’d have soaked and maybe woken Lyra with tears. But… for now I only shiver under this good burn.

Nod to Awnya. Force myself to still.

Can’t… can’t wake Lyra up. Not… Please. Not after she's finally resting well near me.

Awnya smiles, nods. ‘Be right back.’ Then she’s striding over toward a door. Returns soon with a few more pillows and blankets. Lays them about us, winks, then heads back over to help her Tretion continue their work.

By the time they're done, and the three who Tretion has brought back have arisen and been led away to their loved ones, I’m almost asleep myself.

But… well… When those two come over to quietly kneel close, a couple of their little ones swim over from Lyra’s Amwella to nuzzle with their souls. And a few of those tendrils follow to seemingly on instinct hold onto Awnya and Tretion’s cores.

And before I can realize what’s happening, and panic, a little tendril bumps my core. Then… just wraps close.

It doesn’t get burned.

And that makes us all go stiff.

I… even before I… no one. Not even other Everflames, can touch Spark bearing souls for long! Our blazes bite and tear and… and hurt each other.

Burn everything without.

But Lyra’s doesn’t even get scorched!

Peva’s half asleep and only notices when I have to smother my panic, and the only other one who's awake or cares seems just as surprised as me. There are a tense few moments, but… then both Peva and the other Blaze within my Amwella relax. Not really worried about this.

Wh– what? I nudge my First. Why… what… I’m not… Even Godlings fear touching an Everflame’s Core! Peva!?! What is this? How is she not getting burned!?!

He seems to consider that. Simmer a bit before letting thoughts form into words.

[This Godling does not bear the Debts or broken Oaths of the others.] He nuzzles back into comfortable rest. [Our Spite would be wasted on her.]

What does that even mean!?! I spit.

He sighs, and just goes back to sleep.

I’m about to poke him harder for answers but…

Another hand on my arm. Matron Tretion’s. ‘Are you alright?’

I nod, swallow. ‘Yeah. Just…’

She watches my soul and the tendril about it. Considering…

Her Fae lover laughs silently. Then nudges me. ‘Carry her?’

Confused, I nod. Gather up Lyra’s soft and light form very carefully. She doesn’t wake though. If anything… Three more tendrils wrap about my Amwella. Tight enough to make me gasp but… doesn’t hurt. Just…

Never had anyone DO THIS! Hold close without literally burning away! To just… be held so easily by my soul is… it's like the first time I let another touch this body after I forged it!

But I keep steady. Nodding to their wordless questions, and follow them back to their chambers.

Hesitate at the bed’s edge. Looking between the tendrils about me and… and Lyra’s still sleeping form and… what do I do? How do I get her off without waking her up and… and…

I look up to her lovers for answers.

Awnya quirks an eyebrow, shrugs. Pats a spot on the bed.

Tretion mouths ‘We can wake her if needed. But... Would you rather sleep here? With no obligations. Of course.'

I carefully nod to that, and steadily move up to settle Lyra onto the soft beddings. Move to like… try and let them nuzzle close to her but… Lyra unconsciously has wrapped more of her body about me now and…

Tretion pats the pillow beneath me while Awnya moves to lay behind her. Draping an arm about and through her headstalks and over to gently hold Lyra’s shoulder.

So I carefully rest beside Lyra. Trying not to like… overcrowd them but… even more soul tendrils wrap about and envelope us. Not as tight as the first but… blanketing. Encompassing us in this amazing girl’s Blaze while her Jellyfish swim and flicker between them.

Looking for the best places to settle down and rest with their mothers.

And… by the time I’m calm enough to sleep too, Lyra’s basically cocooned herself within my arms.