Content warning:

-um... more big sad as you get to learn more of Lyra's past and things she lost?

Her eyes go wide with fear.

“I won unrestricted access. Go find me a key, and give me directions.” Still a purr, but with such… venom. Even I can’t help but wither beneath it.

Her mouth just… opens and closes a few times. Like a fish.

“I… I can’t… I don’t…”

Thendra raises a hand, halting her panic. “If this is beyond you, fetch Voe or Zitra. They understand what is owed.”

She simply squeaks, nods in reply, and scampers off. The door creaks loudly as she fights to close the heavy thing.

A pause, Thendra tilts her head to listen, then glances down at me. A question. Do you need to sing?

I shake my head. No.

She nods, “Consider us still observed.”

We begin our search. No one comes in the first hour, and in that time Thendra finds two dozen scrolls and tomes in the catalog that she sends me off to retrieve.

I’m never outside her view, so I quickly shake any worry of something pouncing from the shadows to snatch me. It takes me a couple tries to understand the organization of this library, but soon I am making a little pile of treasures on one of the desks.

The second hour ends with us beginning to go through our discoveries themselves. Most of them end up being useless upon even a cursory flip through the pages. Random mentions of encounters with the Fae and very sketchy impressions of their languages.

We work in near total silence.

On the third hour, I grow impatient and struggle to focus. Thendra notices, quirks an eyebrow in question.

I consider, stand to stretch my aching legs, and nod to her.

She opens her mouth to issue the command, but then the door opens, causing me to flinch and nearly fall over in surprise.

“Thendra!” Voe calls out.

Thendra turns, no surprise on her face. “Voe.”

“So sorry to keep you waiting.” She huffs as she approaches, “Someone had to rush nearly across the city to inform myself and Zitra of your visit. You should have sent ahead! We could have had this scheduled and had your requested tomes prepared!”

“I expected the preparations to be made.” Thendra shrugs, all the show of a languid boredom. But I can see her tension spike.

Voe smiles, eyestalks cast about the room, half seem to settle on me. “Well for our general stock of course, but for our private collections–”

“I’ll not have an escort peer over my shoulder.” Thendra purrs as she rises.

Voe rolls her face eyes, “The Matron requires one of her’s be present. And since I was the fool to cause this situation, it falls to me to ensure the safety of her collection.”

Then her face eyes turn to me. And that horrible weight slowly begins to drown my Amwella, numbs my core.

Thendra sighs, “I wasn’t speaking of you, Voe. You have my respect in this manner.”

Her eyes snap back to Thendra, a genuine smile crosses her lips. “That… Well I’d be insulted if I didn’t.”

“Let’s be on our way then.” Thendra moves, I fall into step behind her.

Voe’s eyes dart back to me. “Well… there is the matter of… Your little pillow slave will need to wait here.”

I almost trip, surprise and terror war within me as that weight begins to smother. Both at being called a pillow slave again, and the idea of being left here alone.

“She is needed.” Thendra purrs, no surprise or annoyance in her tone. Only a languid explanation.

“Our… wager. Was for you. Just you.” She insists, turning back with hands outstretched in a pleading gesture. “I’m lucky our Matron didn’t disown me for bartering it so lightly!”

Thendra lets out a rolling purring laugh. It's… not a real laugh, but even I am fooled for a moment.

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“Does your Matron suddenly consider a slave worthy of consideration in these things? When I extend invitations or hold meetings should I be disallowing her handmaids? No, they are extensions of her will. Broken and Bound.”

I bristle, fight to keep it from showing. She… She’s just… But she does? Doesn’t she? I really am bro–

“Thendra…” Voe murmurs, “She is Fae! And worse, she is an object of… interest to her. Why even bring her?”

Do I even care? I stare down at the ground.

“If she were a servant or one of my Reavers I would respect the claim.” Thendra counters, “But she is bound to me like few slaves ever can be. Not without turning their minds to mush.”

Voe huffs, looks away to stare at me again. “I don’t think that–”

Thendra steps closer to her, whispers something in her purring lilting tongue

Every eye jerks to glare at Thendra. “Don’t you dare! Not here! Not…”

Thendra purrs out a few more words, Voe fights to suppress a… is that a blush? Then her anger cracks as a smirk begins to stab at her lips.

“Enough! Okay? Fine!” She finally huffs, “Stop. Matron’s crafted asshole, stop it!”

Thendra smiles, all confident and satisfied with her victory. “It really has been too long since we–”

“I said stop!” Voe hisses, but there is no bite or anger to it. “You… Yes. But also no. Not until after we finish with the venture. The Matron really would disown me if I let you seduce me like that again.”

Seduce. I can’t help but feel a rush of cold jealousy at that. She’s an Amwella drinker, that’s all. She probably just… uses her!

Like she uses me?

“Lead on then, Red Moonstone.” Thendra purrs.

“I said stop. Or damn our wager I will have you thrown out.” Voe purses her lips to suppress a grin, then turns to lead us out of the room.

The private collection may have a space twice the size of the last, but it holds maybe a tenth of the books. The shelves display the tomes and scrolls covers out, with about a foot between them and strange carvings and symbols looping around most. Even at a distance, I begin to get head pains when I try to look at them for too long.

As she leads us to a smaller mimicry of the larger library’s catalog, an icy cold aura falls over us.

“Okay, so…” Voe claps her hands and turns to Thendra. “Don’t touch anything, let me retrieve any books you want. Otherwise the wards here will… object.”

Thendra nods, steps up close beside her to peer down at the scrolls. Most of Voe’s eyes turn to gaze at her, while the others peer around the room. One stays fixed on me.

Silence creeps back around us for a few moments.

“Anything I can… eh… help you locate?” Voe eventually whispers.

Thendra just murmurs, then points to a spot on one of the scrolls. “This one looks promising. Can you retrieve it for me?”

“Certainly!”

While Voe heads off, Thendra turns to me just as I shiver and wrap my arms around myself. Eyes me with both a question and instruction. I head to one of the desks and sit, then shake my head at her.

A quirk of an eyebrow.

I shake my head again, whisper. “Just cold.”

She nods, turns just as Voe returns with a large scroll. “Found it!”

Thendra has her place it on the table before me and unseal it, then turns her back to the catalog with a gesture. “I found two others that match my needs.”

Voe hesitates, a few eyes turning back to glance at me. I force my head down and begin looking through the scroll.

“I’m worried about infections, with one of these.” Thendra seems to win back her full attention, “Parasites and traps. Can you assure they are safe to read?”

Voe huffs, begins to explain something. But I ignore them and focus on the scroll.

It’s… mostly paintings. Wonderful and detailed! I can smell the Fae-woods in the ink and parchment. Almost… Taste it! I drink in the amazing motion of it all, carefully trace fingers over–

And for a moment, I’m back home with her.

In our garden she taught me to keep with song and dirt stained fingers. The forest hums around us, and I am filled with a terrible longing. In a moment I feel the only person I’ve ever loved embrace me in her arms in the way only a mother can.

Tears well up in my eyes, and I… I want to tell her how sorry I am. How much I wish I could see her again.

But… none of that matters, because I’m–

“Lyra?” Thendra is next to me, grasping my shoulder and shaking me.

“Home.” I turn, stupid grin and face wet with tears.

She stares down at me, tension and anger and worry and–

“Sorry, sorry!” I wipe at my face furiously. “I… I just–”

I look past her, see Voe with another book in her arms as she regards me with a bitter annoyance, and clamp my mouth shut.

Home. That… That’s the thing this painting taught me. Or… that’s the best word to describe the thing I can now weave into my songs.

Thendra pulls away, looks to Voe. “Did you check this scroll first? Is she in any danger?”

“How should I know?” Voe snorts, “It’s a collection of Fae paintings. Was only warded to protect it from wear and tear.”

Thendra turns back to me as I adjust the scroll to move to the next image, and I feel both their gazes on me as I hungrily consume the next painting. But I don’t care. Even the weight of Voe’s terrible eyes trying to smother my soul can’t stop me from absorbing their messages.

I… I thought I had to live the words to understand them. Sing them from the depths of my own soul. But… Do these paintings disprove that? No… they just… fill in the gaps. I already knew and felt these things, just… wasn’t mature enough to grasp them on a thinking level.

But… I know them. They were already in my soul.

Home, a meal eaten with someone you love and haven't seen in a long while, the joy of new friendships made at unexpected times, and so so much more!

All happy and wonderful things! So full of comfort and life! A past soaking in joys, a present of peace, and a future with only a few little worries.

At some point Thendra is saying my name again, touching my shoulder.

“Almost done.” I murmur and pull the next painting across the table before me.

And the image hits me so hard I almost fall from my chair. It’s a word I… well I only knew it in part. The person I’d learnt it for had tried to have me unmade.

Beloved sibling.

Such horrible shame envelopes me as I remember where I am. As I jerk up to see the two monsters staring down at me. The beautiful illusion of the life I’d dreamed of falling away from me like muck washed clean by the rain.

No home, no community, no love… Just… physical pleasure as I sell my soul and its magic away.

Thendra doesn’t look at Voe, just… bores her jade eyes into mine. “Lyra?”

I try to give her my best smile and nod, wiping away a face of tears. Can’t cry here. Can’t show the monsters how weak I am.

“All done.” I whisper.

She nods, takes up the scroll, and lays a small black tome before me, honestly more of a journal. I take a deep breath and begin going through it.

“Does it list who took that last one?” Thendra asks as she holds the scroll out to Voe. “How quickly could it be recovered and brought to us?”

“Oh um… I’m not sure actually.” Voe replies while she and Thendra move to the other side of the library to replace the scroll. “There seems to be a mistake in the catalog. I’ll have to ask around.”

This is an ugly thing. No painting or gorgeous landscapes of Fae life, just… big words and diagrams. Jagged and–

“How long?” Thendra rumbles from across the room.

I flip a few more pages, and need to stifle a little sound of horror and disgust.