CW:

MORE emotions and big love and much care and snuggling support. Mhmhmhm. Panic attacks and baths wiff lovers and considerations about loving and lovmaking. Then an Awnya POV at the end.

Awnya slowly, carefully, adjusts her hand to grip mine. Her smirk twists to a full on grin of wondrous victory as my soul tails are allowed to reach out and hook around her wonderfully warm and thrumming soul.

I’m hers now. And she knows it.

“May I hug you now?”

I nod stiffly and desperately. Then, slowly and carefully she crawls forward and wraps herself around me, and I can’t help but lean into her touch.

A pause, then…

“T– Tretiii…” I whisper, tug on her soft cool fingers that still grasp mine.

Still a hard name to force out.

She answers my little plea, and moves forward to add her arms and tendrils to this wonderful embrace. And they just… hold me. Bury me in a wonderful snug of hugs for what feels like both an eternity… but also only a mere whisper of time. Too quickly does Awnya gently end it, pulling back to catch my gaze with an expression that sings of love.

“Alright. First things first.” She says without breaking eye contact. “Bath?”

“Muh?” Is the only sound I can make easily.

Tretion nods and helps our Fae pull us all up while murmuring a request to the manor. It… it responds quicker than I’d ever thought possible! Within a second a little gurgle of bubbles and she suddenly has this pretty blue key in her hand!

She moves up and past me, never releasing my talon as she fits the little pretty sapphire key into the door, and unlocks it. Revealing a wonderfully big and pretty bathroom of marvelous pale green tiles and such a big bath that sinks into the floor.

As we enter, Tretion turns back to regard me seriously. “Alright. Let’s figure out how much help you want from us.”

I just…. Blink a few times.

“She’s asking…” Awnya squeezes my hand in support. “Would you like us to be here while you wash?”

I nod.

“Would you want our help?” Tretion offers her own squeeze. Working so hard to... To keep her voice neutral.

I nod again. Twice.

“Would you want us with you in the bath?”

I nod fervently as my mind is drowned in… in thoughts of… of the cool waters with them. And… and…

Awnya giggles, and… and pulls my arms up. “Let’s get you undressed. Is this okay?”

“Y– yes.” I’m able to whisper.

Then they pull the big shirt up and off, and Tretion waits to take up my hand until after I’ve dropped the little pair of shorts down onto the floor.

But… As they reclaim my hands I can’t help but just… stare down at my body. Burned and… and gaunt and… and a bit mangled in ways that just… make me look like some ugly desert… thing. Pale skin is kinda splotched, even in places without the burns, and… and no longer has the luster Fae flesh tends to carry.

Almost like when I was…

“Hey hey hey!” Awnya sees my spiral. Reaches out to take up my cheek, lifts my gaze up and into hers. “You're beautiful.”

And her soul rings with the truth of her words.

I wince, fight down a… such a horrid lump of shame and guilt and… How had I let myself change into this? How had I gotten so… so…

“Hu– huma–”

All I deserve.

“No.” Tretion interrupts and pulls my other hand up to kiss my burned knuckles. “You’re still very Fae.”

Awnya’s kinda… sputtering out then. When I look back at her she looks caught between such… somethings. Soul a mess of sudden worry and like… anticipation and… things?

“Dreamer’s Tits… That…”

“Not now, love.” Tretion whispers. Soul steadfast and very focused. No worry, just… um… planning? Laying out steps.

“No no no. I wasn’t! Just… kinda hit me all at once.” Awnya takes a deep breath. “Sorry Lyra, just… some good conversations we’ll get to have later.”

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

I look between them. See them share a glance. And a pit of… of worry forms.

All others will scorn or–

“But needless to say you are the most Fae girl we will ever meet.” Awnya turns to fix me with her most disarming smirk. One that sings of confidence and love and… and complete wash of delight at who she’s looking at.

Which… in this case is me. Their words and soul and eyes so easily washes away the thought of worry and doubt that had begun to form.

“Let’s get you clean, beloved.” Tretion murmurs, and pulls me toward the bath. And I can’t help but follow her down and into the tub. It’s a perfect thing of warm waters and kinda fizzy not Amwella bubbles.

Her soul ringing in soft adorations but… also a careful creeping worry. A desire to be soft and gentle with me.

Awnya follows, and neither has even touched their own clothes as they help settle me on a little stool or seat thing in the middle of the waters. And then my two lovers help me wash. Slowly, carefully, and so… so not building up to the fuck I keep expecting them to pull me into.

I want to just let my brain get lost in that. Mindless sex to ignore all the stress and anxiety and… and thoughts I want to avoid right now. But I don’t want them to stop this! This show of such gentle care I’ve not seen since… since…

Since my mother found me in the forest and brought me home.

That stops me short, sort of… freezes me solid. The memory of her and her child hurt but… but more than that the comparison jolts my mind and body into a stillness.

That my lovers are showing me with an affection rooted in wanting to care for someone they adore and… and want to help soothe and relax and cleanse me bodily of muck. Not… not just… Just use me for sex.

Like… Like everyone else. Raska and… Even… b– but... NO! Thendra didn’t! I was… was more than just a pillow slave! Even at the start…

R– Right?

“Your body and songs are payment for what you stole. And your Amwella, if we can grow it.”

The memory of her voice rings so clear through me. Makes me curl into such a knot of pain, hug my arms around myself so tight as talons dig into flesh hard enough to bleed. Can’t… can’t get enough air, and soon my breath quickens to little pained wheezes.

Awnya sort of yelps and reaches to loosen my grip when she notices the blood and sudden panic. Soul not… she… she’s just worried but… but not mad or disappointed or…

“Beloved, It’s alright.” Tretion whisper so softly while helping our Fae pull at the opposite talon. “You’re safe. Focus on our Amwella. That’s it. Just… hold on tight.”

I do… and her soft caresses through my hair and along my back calm the rising of… of whatever that was. Not a Waking Nightmare. But… but I don’t want to think about that. Just… Lean into this wonderful watcher’s touch.

"We got you girl." Awnya murmurs gently. Adding herself so easily to the embrace. "We love you. It's okay. It's okay. You're safe here."

It's takes a while, but... eventually I've calmed enough to whisper in one try, “Srry.”

Tretion nuzzles me, then says with not a hint of it being a lie. “You don’t need to apologize, but it’s okay if it helps you.”

I only huff a wordless reply, then pull back to continue letting them help wash the sand and blood and other eck off me. And sooner than I’d like, we’re all climbing out of the bath.

“How about I go figure out food?” Awnya suggests as she hums a little tune to call the water out from her clothing and hair, turns the melody to help whirl the same off us.

Then, before I realize what I’ve nodded along to amidst Tretion helping me redress in similar but new clothes, I… I’m alone with… with…

She’s trembling before I can even gather the thought. Wrapping me in big cold arms and a mess of wriggling head tendrils. I just… it's all I can do to make a gurgling whimper of a sound as I return her embrace and cling to her.

My watcher.

My beloved.

My Tretion.

She… she’s alive and… and holding me and… and she’s… Soul sings a single overwhelming tune as it basks in the embrace of my arms and ocean of a soul.

And then another thought hits me harder than any blow from a godthing.

She still loves me.

We’re sobbing together before I can stop to consider more. Hard and loud and just… just… Beyond words or… or anything so small.

Over a decade of… of hopeless sorrows spent just… surviving without her. Just letting this Dream rip me apart with reckless abandon.

Because I deserved it!

I killed the woman I loved and who loved me in return!!! How… how can… how can I even hope to… to even be… but… but she… she… She’s ALIVE! And… and Her soul sings a simple truth that just… shatters my guilt into an eternity of scattered nonsense in this moment!!!

She doesn’t hate me.

Doesn’t blame me.

And she won’t let me go.

Never again.

That sends what was just… quiet shared tears into a wobbling mess of absolute devastating weeping as I fight so hard to force out those three hardest words.

“I...”

Too slow. Need to… to make sure she… she knows I…

Legs are too weak to stand as I pour my everything into the effort, but my watcher holds me steady. Supports my weight as my everything fights to say the words.

“L– l- Luuv.”

The word causes her to freeze, like… like she’s afraid any other movements will cause the words to vanish.

“Y– Yy– ou.”

And amidst her own blubbering mess, she answers.

“Oh beloved! I… I love you too! S–So much!” She sobs into my hair. “Th– Thank you for… for coming back to me. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU!!!”

And with that, It’s like the little hopeless dregs of desire from before ignite at the words.

At this unbridled joy my beloved weeps at having this stupid broken girl that is me back in her arms.

* * *

I sit outside the room, tray of food covered and ready for when Tretion and Lyra are finished. Leaning my head back against a wall I… I can’t stop the tears that fall.

My watcher is… is my everything! I don’t just love her, I am IN love with her. Hopelessly and furiously enraptured by my Tretion.

She’s so smart, and cute, a bit bumbly and just… a wonder of kindness despite a family that tried to drag her into becoming just as cruel as them.

But… She wasn’t the first girl I fell INTO love with.

I knew Tretion was devastated by the loss of her beloved. Understood that it would take years to even begin to feel right again. Because I… It took ME years to quell my own hissing sadness to understand just how broken we both were at the loss of our Lyra.

And when my own grief settled from a gurgling mess of fury into a simmering ache… that’s when I truly saw what losing her beloved did to my watcher.

It was like seeing someone with half their soul just… dead and gone. Their spirit, their purpose just shattered and all that's left are the broken pieces.

Because Tretion had cast aside old fears and habits and just… rebuilt herself around loving Lyra. Around being the girl she always needed while also exploring her own desires and… and ability to live free of the fear of her grandmother’s wrath!

Was able to spend a year alone with the Fae who saved her twice. Showering her with a much needed wash of boundless care and affections that her family never offered her.

While all I was able to give the first girl I’d fallen into love with was three weeks of silly Fae things before… Before abandoning her.

Over and over and over again.

Was… was barely a day too late to stop them from leaving to go to the Twilight Court. If… If I’d just… just been faster or… or better at the Riftwalking song I had to weave to get here…

I could have saved her from this past decade of pain.

If… if I just swallowed my fear and tracked down Thendra at any time I would have found her! Been able to tell her that her beloved lives and is just… waiting for her to come home.

Or… or even this whole Blighted situation in Theradas with its horrid godling!!! If I had just looked closer or… or tried to talk to her as she attacked we would have been able to just run! Seal up the manor just like we’d planned.

But… I didn’t. I just… just kept making mistakes that left her to suffer alone.

Tretion is everything she needs, and… and Lyra may be a bumble of horrific trauma but… Will my watcher still need me now? Now that her beloved is returned to her? Such worry and pain settles on me then. Does Lyra? Will I just… get it the way? Mess up more and–

A flash, and my promise song to Tretion roils up to swallow my mind.

“Awnya, my beloved.” She hisses as her tendrils wrap around my cheeks and through my hair. “You will not sacrifice yourself. Not even for her. You will come back to me.”

“I–”

“No! I will have a promise in song from you about this or I will not let you leave!” She’s shaking now. “If you don’t I will burn that book to ashes. Right here. Right now.”

I freeze, my own tears welling up as… A piece of my soul, a part of that old scar that refused to heal mends at hearing that I’m not… That… that she really never considered me a replacement for Lyra!?!

That our love is unique and irreplaceable and eternally valuable to her…

And so I weave the promise in song, sobbing the entire time before heading out to find our lover and bring her home.

My tears are now a wash of joyful pain that absolutely drowns the spiral I’d let myself fall into.

She still needs me.

Still wants me!

Both of them love me SO much!!!

I furiously wipe my eyes, then take up the tray of food while pushing myself to stand. Letting that promise song roll through me.

And together we will sing and walk by each other's side till this wonderful Dream’s End.

Never again will I let anyone rob us of that happiness.