I was probably running a lot faster than I should’ve. I didn’t care, as long as I wasn’t hurting anyone. My feet pounded against the sidewalk as my heart thumped in my chest and my blood rushed through my body. My arms and legs felt like well-oiled machines, maintain a smoothness and fluidity I’d never thought possible. My mind buzzed, alerting me of anything incoming as I slipped through the crowds of pedestrians, steadily getting closer to my apartment.

I leapt up the small flight of steps and burst inside, almost taking the door off its hinges. I sprinted up the stairs, the usually arduous task a breeze now, and came to a stop outside my door. I took a few deep breaths as I searched for my keys, my body feeling electrified.

I felt incredible. Strong too.

I pulled out my keys and opened my door, flying into my room before I’d even taken the keys out the door. The room was a mess of papers and boxes of trinkets. I felt a pang of sadness as I spotted a few post it notes of Gwen’s handwriting, imploring me to clean up. I shoved the feeling down and dove into the boxes, sifting through the heaps of wire and metal, all muddled into one big puzzle. Finally I pulled out the safety wristbands we’d had. Dr Gonzales hadn’t taken them, so I had a few spare. I slapped it over my wrist and turned it on. The screen came to life and I flinched as the band flashed red, blaring loudly. I stared at the screen as it measured negative energy exposure. It was constant. Two hundred and thirty-four Li’s.

I couldn’t believe it. It was real. The piece of junk on my wrist proved it. The number wasn’t changing. I’d had a sustained amount of negative energy for at least four days and I wasn’t dead. We’d only had seven other cases like this, and all the subjects had lived, their bodies permanently improved. They hadn’t even been harmful to any living organisms around them. I felt my knees give out, and I sat on my bed feeling lightheaded.

It could work on humans.

I was staring at the proof of Otto’s life’s work. No, I was proof Negativisation could work properly. If I could just run a few tests, do a few calculations, I could figure out exactly what had happened to me. If I figured this out, it would be big. Even bigger than the news about the explosion. I could make it so my work, Otto’s work, but most importantly Gwen’s work could be remembered forever.

“Peter?” a voice with an accent said behind me. I glanced back to see Helga, my landlord, standing in my still open doorway, her face wreathed with concern. I pulled off the wristband and fumbled with it, switching it off.

“Hi. Sorry about the noise Helga, I’ll try to keep it down” I said, with an awkward nod.

“I… we hadn’t heard from you. Sasha called but you didn’t answer. Are you… is everything ok?” she said. They hadn’t heard from me since the explosion. Oh. She thought I’d died.

“I’m so sorry. I’ve just been staying at my mum’s house. I should’ve called. Everything’s fi-” I froze, the words catching in my throat as Gwen’s face flashed through my eyes. I looked to the floor then back up at Helga, her face still filled with emotion. She’d loved Gwen. I couldn’t tell her now, it’d break her.

“Peter?”

“Everything’s fine” I said, forcing a slight smile. She let out a relieved sigh and nodded.

“Don’t worry us like that again” she chuckled; her worry gone.

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“I’ll try not to” I laughed back. She placed the key on the countertop by the door, turned and left, flashing me one more smile before closing the door behind her.

I sighed hanging my head. I hadn’t even thought about that. Who else had tried calling me that didn’t really know any of my family?

Everyone in my photography group. Oh shit.

“Helga! C-can I borrow your phone?! I there’s someone I need to call” I said.

-

“Yeah sorry about not calling earlier, my phone got destroyed in the accident”

“It’s ok Peter, really” Joy said back in a comforting tone. “I-if you need any help then don’t be afraid to ask us for anything, ok?” she said, her voice filled with a mixture of pity and concern. I felt my insides twist, my stomach tying itself up in knots.

“I… thanks” I replied. There was an awkward pause. “I should probably get going now”

“Ok, I’ll… that’s fine”

“Bye Joy”

“Bye Peter”

I hung up and sat on my bed, staring at the floor. I had a weird taste in my mouth, and it wasn’t anything I’d eaten. It was weird. I knew why she’d been so concerned, had so much pity, it’s because she cared about me. I knew the pity was justified. I’d lost someone. Not just someone, the closest person to me in the entire world. I’d pity anyone in my position, try to make them feel better. Then why did I hate this feeling so much? It felt weird and wrong and I didn’t know why I was feeling this way. It wasn’t normal, right? Or maybe it was. I glanced up, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, a dark expression covering my face. I looked angry. No, this definitely wasn’t normal.

I heard the door swing open before hearing a hushed shout, and it closed again. I glanced up, frowning as hushed whispers came from just beyond the door.

“Hello?” I called out, standing up. The voices went silent and then a knock came from the door.

“P-pete?!” Sasha said, “Can I- is it ok if I come in?”

“Yeah, it’s fine” I said back. The door opened and a skinny, dark-haired woman stepped inside, her eyes wet. Before I could say anything, she pulled me into a hug, before quickly pulling away.

“Sorry” she said, letting out a nervous but relieved chuckle.

“It’s ok” I said, the feeling working it’s way back into my gut.

“I- my mum said you were back and everyone was fine. How… is everything ok?” she asked.

“Yeah, I was in the hospital for a few days, and I’ve been at my aunt’s since” I said. “Sorry about not calling.”

“You don’t have to apologise” she said. “Uhm…how’s Gwen? Is she ok?” Sasha asked, glancing around. The question hit me like a gut punch, leaving me breathless as nausea rolled through my stomach. I bit the inside of my cheek, centring myself.

“She’s… not here right now” I replied.

“Oh. Tell her I said hi” Sasha said awkwardly. We stood in silence for a few awkward seconds. Sweat began to bead my forehead as everything started to feel overly real.

“I was making a sandwich. Do you want… can I make you something?” she asked.

“No. I’m fine” I said back curtly.

“Oh… that’s ok” she said, nodding. ”It was good to see you. I’m just glad to know you’re ok.” I nodded my mouth too dry to speak. She stood for a few seconds nodding, before awkwardly walking back over to the door.

“Bye Pete” she said, with a small wave. I waved back and she flashed a smile before closing the door.

I fell back onto my bed, my hands trembling. Why had I lied? No I hadn’t lied, I just hadn’t been totally truthful. I felt my face twist into a mask of anguish. Was I really trying to justify this to myself?! I’d just lied to Sasha and Helga, some of the nicest people I’d met, because what, I couldn’t take a little pity. God, what was wrong with me?! I had to tell them. They cared about Gwen too. I felt a mix of apprehension and fear swirl around, stopping me from getting up. Dammit. I couldn’t do it now. Sure I was being a coward, but I’d just told them everything was ok. I couldn’t immediately rip that away from them. Or was it crueller to let them live a lie for however long it took me to overcome my fear of judgement. They didn’t deserve that.

I stood up and walked over to the door, reaching for it but pausing. I steeled myself and opened the door. Sasha walked past and glanced back at me. She was wearing a coat and her Mum, Helga, was walking down the stairs just ahead of her.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I- nothing” I replied, closing the door. I stared at the door, hearing their footsteps against the creaky wood fade and then disappear. I pressed my head against the door and let out a haggard sigh. God dammit. I leant against the wall and slowly slumped to the floor, resting my hands on my knees and hanging my head. They’d been going somewhere, so I couldn’t talk to them now. I didn’t have their phone number memorised, so even if I had a phone I couldn’t call them. She definitely wouldn’t have lied to their faces. I sniffed and looked up, staring out the window at the clouds. Gwen had probably had their number memorised. I doubt she would’ve left them worrying over this for so long.

I hung my head and sat there for a while, unmoving.

Eventually, I sighed, stood up and stretched out. I looked around the room, spotting all of Gwen’s clean-up post its and a few notes pinned on the calendar. I’d clean up first, then I could head back to May’s. She was probably worried sick.