The alarm against my bedside buzzed loudly, shaking me from the comfort of sleep.

“Eric” I mumbled, pulling the pillow over my head “Can you get that?”

The alarm continued, shaking the bedside table as it vibrated, rattling everything on the desk. I reached for it slapping uselessly at the desk. After missing the desk entirely I stopped and sighed, leaving the phone to buzz. But it was incessant, a noise that was more than just annoying.

I hated waking up.

With a concerted effort I sat up, throwing the pillow aside before ending the alarm. I paused confused as I looked around realising I wasn't in my dorm, or at home.

Instantly the memories of yesterday came flooding back to me. Oh. Different dimension. Right. I slumped back to bed before sighing. I lay there for a few seconds, before opening my eyes, staring at the rays of sunlight that shone through the opaque window. What time even was it?

I glanced at Lucas 2's phone. 09:20. Time to get up. I rolled out of bed, stretching the aches and pains before quickly making my way into the shower. The water washed over me, taking with it soap and the final dregs of sleepiness. I dried quickly, then stepped out into the room, refreshed.

Now that I was actually living in it, the room felt a bit larger than I’d first accounted for. I looked around and poked my head in the wardrobe, before pulling out a few clothes. Cindy had given me spare clothes from somewhere, but It’d be fine to just take them from here, right? I mean he was probably wearing my clothes.

I stood and glanced around again, my eyes finally stopping on the bedside drawer. He’d had a ton of papers stuff in there hadn’t he? I had time to kill. I wonder what differences and stuff he had that I could find. Kneeling down, I opened the drawer and looked inside.

The purple diary and team picture sat atop everything else. I picked them up carefully and set them on the tabletop, before looking back down. Ah right. He’d had a gun. No idea why, but I guess he like to be prepared. Definitely overkill though.

I set it aside and continued to flick through random fliers and paper, not finding anything of note. It was mostly junk. Bummer. I looked up at the drawer’s tabletop, staring at the purple diary, before grabbing it.

“Hero” I mumbled, as I read over the words on the front.

Would it be ok to read? It was probably personal right? But was it actually a diary? Or maybe there were a ton of notes on supervillains and stuff? That’d be pretty cool. My frown deepened. I’d just take a quick look. I’d earned it given the other me was probably using my wallet to pay for stuff. I flipped the diary open, stopping on a page a few from the front.

Reverso’s a bitch. Seriously. He’s always getting the jump on me and it’s starting to really get to me. I mean I was just minding my business and bam, he throws three fucking cars at me. Who does that? Even Goblin isn’t that annoying. God if I ever catch him lacking I’ll get in a good hit. No holding back. Well that would probably kill him. Not to sure anybody would miss him, but I promised myself I wouldn’t to it again. And if I did it now Cindy would find out. That’d be tough.

That was kind of dark. A bit funny, but kind of dark. I shrugged and flipped to another page.

Fought Carnage today and finally took him down. He’s going away for a long long time. Thank god. I won’t have to smell his breath anymore. It should be a crime to roar all the time when your breath stinks like faeces. Feel bad for his cells guards though. That job must be tough.

I flicked through more of the pages, chuckling to myself. It was more of the same. There were a lot of entries. A lot. Most of them were short, not many longer than a few lines. Varying from a few choice words about the villains to the mundane. It was kind of cool to see. We had a similar sense of humour too. Huh, I guess Emi wasn’t all that wrong.

“I wonder how many there are” I mumbled. I flicked to the back to find it empty and quickly flicked forwards to the last entry.

The dreams come back again. The one where I’m burning and they’re all laughing at me. I hate it. It makes me feel small again. Reminds me too much of the crash.

Thankfully it’ll stop soon. Just a few days now.

Cindy will probably be sad. It'll be tough, but she’ll get over me. It’s better this way. She deserves better. And I deserve what’s coming.

Big Sis was right about me. The whole family was right. God. Knowing that, knowing I left them because they just told me the truth. I wish I could talk to her again. Apologise. I miss them.

Dammit. I deserve to fucking rot f-

I snapped the book shut breathing heavily as I stared at the front cover. It was quiet for a second. My mind silent as I struggled to process what I’d just read. I looked away from the cover of the book, my eyes flicking to gun that lay in the drawer. Instantly my blood ran cold.

No. Nope. Nu-uh. This wasn’t happening. My mind was just reaching out to random possibilities.

This wasn’t what I thought it was. It couldn’t be. It just… wasn’t. I pressed my head to the cover and cringed.

“Why the hell did I read this?” I muttered to myself. ”Private things are private for a reason you idiot”

A knock from the door that I hadn’t realised I’d been ignoring repeated. I turned to it, shaken from my trance.

“J-just a sec!” I called. Quickly I put the book away and slammed the drawer shut before rushing to open the door. Cindy stood outside, in costume, holding a plate of waffles.

"Waffle?" she said cheerily, before taking in my face. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

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“Huh? No, no” I said. She frowned.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, I’m… yeah” I replied. But I wasn't. My mind drifted, wandering back into the room, drawn towards the drawer on the bedside table. A part of me wanted to read it again, to finish and see if it was bad as my mind was making it out to be. The rest of me was cursing myself for what I'd just done.

“Lucas?”

“Huh?” I said looking up.

"You sure I didn't wake you? You seem out of it" she said.

"I'm fine" I said firmly.

“Well come on. I wouldn't mind taking my time since nothing usually happens on Thursdays, but Rosita’s on the other patrol and we definitely don’t want to leave her waiting” Cindy said. ”Let’s eat breakfast and go”

“Right” I said. I glanced behind me, looking at the bedside drawer, then stepped out of the room.

-

We zipped between buildings in the glow of the beautiful early morning sun. But the beauty was lost on me. My mind was still stuck on what I’d read, what I’d seen. The words were seared into my retinas. Even now as I patrolled, despite the morbidness of it all I wanted to go back and read it. I wanted to see what had been written by a mind so close to my own and confirm what I already knew in some degree to be true.

But if it was true, then what did that mean for me? This Lucas was supposed to be better. He’d done everything I’d been unable to. He was the culminations of my good decisions. He was a hero.

And he was still suffering.

And because of family? I mean, back when I was fourteen my family hadn’t exactly been the best. We were better now, but that’s because what’d happened with Uncle Jamie had brought everyone closer. Big sis had literally moved closer to Auntie. Only a twenty-minute walk away. We practically all lived together. It could be annoying sometimes, but it was great.

But him? What did he have to reminisce about? I could barely remember any good memories before I’d quit. Then again, my memory wasn’t exactly the best. Still, from the sounds of it, what his Big Sis had said was a lot worse than I’d first thought. He’d only had the years of tortuous studying, no friends, and a not so nice family. But years apart, even from that would probably get to me too.

But what about his team? They seemed like a family. But now that I thought about it, there was nothing about any of them. Apart from small bits about Cindy, everyone might as well have been invisible in his mind.

They seemed so close to him and in a journal spanning years probably, he hadn't mentioned any of them once. Maybe I was overthinking this, overreaching. He had the photo right next to the diary. It was probably just a place to write about the stuff he didn’t want to think of and just be done with it. Throwaway thoughts. The kind of stuff you’d never say out loud. But then I'd had thoughts, very real thoughts that I'd never tell anyone about. Not even Yerin.

I felt the hairs on my neck stand up, as my body tensed.

If what I thought was in there was in there… I didn’t know what I’d do. I’d have to tell someone, wouldn’t I? But it wouldn’t be. It couldn’t. That was too far even for me. But I’d thought about it before. Why wouldn’t he?

“Hello?!” Cindy cried out. My hear shot into my mouth and I jerked back as she swung across me, waving a hand in front of my face.

“What the hell?” I responded.

“S-sorry” she said sheepishly “I was just trying to get your attention”

“Why?”

“Let’s take a break. We’ve swung around enough and nothing seems to be happening today”

I nodded and we swung over towards a building, quickly landing on the roof.

“How you feeling?” she asked.

“Fine. A little tired”

“Well you did catch a car yesterday, so”

“Wait, what?”

“Dragonfly said you caught a car?”

“Uh… nope. Didn’t catch any cars”

“You didn't?”

“Well I mean, I caught one with webs”

“So you did catch one?”

“Technically?" I shrugged. "When you say it like that it makes it sound like I physically caught it. No way I could do that”

“I’m pretty sure you could”

“Yeah? Well I wouldn’t try. My arms ache just from swinging, so lifting a car would be a death sentence”

“Eh, I’m pretty sure you'd be fine” she said ”Either way, what you did is pretty incredible for a first day”

“It wasn’t that amazing” I sighed. “I was shitting bricks the whole time”

“That’s normal though?” Cindy said confused.

"Is it? Em- Dragonfly never seemed afraid to me"

"Everyone gets scared in their own way"

“I guess” I said mumbled. I stared at the floor, looking over the feet of my suit. Bit by bit I was wearing more and more of the other Lucas’ costume. My frown deepened. I looked to Cindy who stared out at the sun.

Should I tell her? I mean I wasn’t even certain about anything. Plus, what would telling even do to her? She was kind of dating him wasn’t she? That was kind of weird to think about actually. Regardless, it’d affect her. She was probably already worried sick given that he’d just disappeared too. This would just make things so much worse.

She glanced back at me and did a double take, looking over my somber expression. I turned away quickly but it was too late.

“What’s wrong?”

“Don’t worry. It’s nothing”

“Clearly it's not” she scoffed. “Come on, what’s up?”

“I… don’t know”

“Are you worried about home?”

“No. Well yes, but that’s not…” I trailed off not wanting to push into personal territory. If they were as close as I thought, it'd just be weird. I’d be more than a bit creeped out if someone came asking about stuff from Yerin’s diary. Even if it was an alternate universe version.

“Spidey?” Cindy asked.

I glanced back at Cindy, catching her frown. I sighed.

“The Lucas here… was he… I mean... I just found… he had some stuff that was a little… I don’t know”

“You’re losing me” Cindy said.

“Sorry. I’m just trying to ask, was he… mentally ok?”

Cindy’s expression shifted from one of confusion, to a deeper more solemn look.

“He... struggled sometimes. As heroes, we all do. It’s why Ghost got us a therapist”

“Wait, you guys have a therapist?”

“Oh yeah, she’s awesome”

“Huh” I said nodding “Cool”. Then I shook my head. I was getting off topic, this whole thing with Lucas 2 was serious. "Sorry, getting off topic. I...uh... I found something"

"Found something? What'd you mean?"

Before I could answer the ground shook. The tremors were powerful, violent. It took all I had just to remain upright as the entire building shook. As the tremors subsided my spider sense continued to blare, warning of danger all around. With a quick glance around the roof I grew even more confused. It was fine. Everything looked completely fine. And I couldn’t hear the panicked screams of civilians.

But my spider sense continued to blare. Something was wrong.

Someone was coming.

“Shit” Cindy said. The words shook me out of my trance and I turned to her.

“What? What’s happening?” I asked.

“You need to go”

“What?”

“Quick!” she shouted, in a panic, pushing me back. I stumbled away, unable to make sense of what was happening.

“Si-”

“Run dammit!” she shouted. The words felt like a sudden hit to the chest, and my face contorted with frustration.

“What the hell? The first sign of danger and you tell me to run?”

“Just run”

“I told you I’m not gonna just-”

“This isn’t the time!” she roared. She stood on her haunches, her bloodshot eyes darting around with fear. They swept over the rooftop again as our sense continued to blare, before finally stopping on me.

“You need to go” she said. ”Now”

The mix of terror and determination in her voice was enough to strike me through the core. Although hesitantly, I turned away from her and rushed towards the edge of the building.

Shit. Why the hell was I just running again? She’d told me to, with such conviction not doing so would be an insult. But in my heart it still felt like a step back. I clenched my fist as I leapt from the building. No. This wasn’t running. I just wasn't ready yet. There was clearly danger here Cindy wouldn’t be able to protect me from. I was just getting rid of the liability.

I was doing the right thing. The smart thing. And I wouldn’t just run. I’d get the others. I’d get the others and I’d come straight back.

Suddenly my spider sense blared. I twisted through the air as I tried to avoid the danger, but everything went wrong. For a moment, it felt like I was glitching, but no. My body was moving backwards, the opposite of my intended motion.

Then a fist slammed hard into my chest. The wind was instantly knocked out of me and I spun through the air, stars flickering across my vision. When I opened my eyes, I could hear the screams of people. They were distant. Or close. A mess of rubble, concrete and plaster surrounded me, muffling the sound. I pushed it aside, coughing hard as the screams grew louder.

Everything hurt. Everything. I tried to sit up and gasped falling back to the floor. Something in my chest was seriously broken.

Shit. I couldn’t breathe properly. I gasped for air, before coughing wetly. Shit. I needed to move. With a concerted effort, I forced myself onto my side, holding myself of the floor with my shoulder and shaking hands. Better. It still hurt, but it felt a lot better. Suddenly my spider sense warned of oncoming danger. But I wasn't in a state to move.

A knee slammed into the side of my head and everything went white, with spatters of black stars sparkling across my vision before I found myself slumped against the floor. Red tinted the left side of my vision and everything seemed just a tad blurry. I coughed hard, and in a daze I pushed myself up off the floor, as if pulling away from the pain.

But instantly a foot pressed down on my back, and my body gave out crumpling back down. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see the silhouette of a masked figure clade in dark armour. They looked down at me, before kneeling close and frowning.

“Who the hell are you?”