I swung through the streets, my head pounding and my left leg numb. I didn’t dare look down, the distance of the sounds beneath a reminder of my fear of heights. My ears rung, I couldn’t distinguish whether it was my spider sense or an anxiety attack. Maybe it was both. In my panic, I fired a web and missed the building completely. I fell and bounced, skidding across a roof. I shot of the side of the building, fear paralyzing me, before I slammed into a brick wall and then a fire escape. I sat up quickly, still on edge. I pulled off my gloves emptying the sand from them and wiping it on the wall.

“What the- Get the hell off the fire escape!” I heard someone shout above me. My eyes shot up to see an older man waving his fist angrily at me. I quickly leapt off the metal frame and caught myself on the wall at the bottom of the alley. I breathed heavily for a few seconds, leaning against a dumpster.

I’d run away.

Well I mean who could really blame me, this Sand guy had been trying to kill me. I mean I’d gotten people to safety and the police had shown up so my job had been over. I felt a wave of anguish wash over me.

“Don’t lie to yourself” I mumbled. I hadn’t run because the situation because it had been over, I’d run because I’d been scared. I’d been searching for an out the second I’d been hit. I knew the police couldn’t deal with him, but I’d left anyway. I couldn’t use the excuse of the guy trying to kill me, I was supposed to be a hero! And now I was moping about it in some random alley. Dammit. I clenched my fist, crushing part of the bin.

I took a few deep breaths then slapped the sides of my face. I pulled on my glove and rushed forwards, firing a web and soaring off into the sky. I was going back. The sand guy had probably left, but if he hadn’t I needed to go back. I swung through the air, overtaking cars with ease. I could feel the sand shift around uncomfortably in my suit. I focused on it, trying to ignore the fear that was building back up in my chest. I swung back around into the square. Sand lay on the ground and there were a few cop cars, but the guy was gone. I landed on a wall and let out a sigh of relief. I shouldn’t have been relieved, but I was. A few of the cops glanced at me and I swung down to them slowly. A few of them drew their gun and I raised my hands. Dammit, the Bugle’s propaganda was really getting to everyone.

“Don’t move” one of the officers said.

“I’m here to help” I said. “I just want to know where the guy went. I can help you-“

“Be quiet!” another said, stepping forward, gun still raised. Crap, this wasn’t working. I took a step back.

“I said don’t move!” the same cop shouted. They were definitely going to arrest me. I needed to get out of here. I looked around, scoping out my surroundings with my spider sense. There weren’t any cops behind me, only the four in front. I was injured but I could avoid them. If I was going to go, I could do it now.

I leapt up and my spider sense buzzed as shots were fired. I twirled through the air and yanked myself to the side with a web, my leg protesting as I landed against the wall hard. I leapt away as the shots continued, hiding in an alley before quickly rushing away. Eventually I came to a stop breathing heavily. A sudden pain burned through my side and I glanced down to see I’d been grazed by a bullet. Jesus. That had been a lot closer than I thought. I fell to my knees and took a few deep breaths, trying to ignore the pain.

I pulled my mask and vomited on the floor. Wiping away at my mouth I stood up, dizzy. I coughed a few times, the aftertaste sitting at the back of my throat. The world started to spin and I leant my back against the wall, closing my eyes as I looked up at the sky. Suddenly I felt light-headed. Oh crap. I pulled my mask on and stumbled slightly before falling onto the floor as everything faded to black.

-

I opened my eyes with a start. It was dark and I was soaked. The echo of a constant pattering and the fact that half my face was submerged in water told me it was raining. I stood up, my body aching and my makeshift costume sticking to me. I shook my head, as if that could get rid of the pain, then stumbled to my feet. I held myself against a wall, taking a few seconds to breath. I blinked rain out of my eye then felt around my head for the goggles. Crap. I looked around the roof, but nothing. I’d lost my damn goggles. Those hadn’t been cheap to make. Dammit.

The sound of harsh barks cut through the air, alerting me. I pushed off from the wall and stumbled towards the edge, catching myself before I fell. I stared down into the street and saw a family of three cowering from a man brandishing a gun. My heart leapt out of my chest. They were getting robbed. I needed to do something. I felt at my face making sure my mask was on properly and then went to leap down. I hesitated, my fear holding me back. Not now dammit. I clenched my hands, my knuckles cracking and leapt down from the roof with a shout. Pain shot coursed through my body as I swung towards the group, all heads turning to face me. I fired a web at the gunman but suddenly fell as my hand slipped from the web I was holding. I flailed through the air and crashed down, skidding across the tarmac. Then my spider sense buzzed.

Time seemed to slow down, and silence roared in my ears. I could feel everything around me even if I couldn’t see it. I’d missed. I’d missed the gunman. I felt it as the criminals’ body shifted, his hand tensing on the gun in surprise. I could feel as his fingers curled around the trigger. He was going to shoot and it was my fault. I needed to do something. But I could tell already; I couldn’t reach him. A gunshot echoed throughout the street, and everything came back to life. I leapt forward and slammed into the criminal, knocking him out with a single hit, but it was too late. I turned to the family to see the man hunched over, gurgling on the floor as blood began to pool around him. I stumbled back as a wave of unwanted memories flooded through my brain.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

Suddenly I was nine again, clutching my Uncle as he lay dead in the street.

The sound of wails shook me out of my daze.

“Daddy! Daddy get up!” the girl shouted as she kneeled over her father’s dying body. I needed to do something. Anything. I stumbled forwards.

“I can help. I can get him to-“

The girl screamed, the sound piercing through my ears, and I flinched away. When I looked up the mother was already standing between the two of us, pepper spray in her hand and tears in her eyes. We stood in a tense silence, uncertain of what to do. I didn’t dare say anything, afraid I’d somehow make the situation ten times worse.

The tension was broken as a cop car pulled up to the road and two officers stepped out, drawing their guns. They must’ve heard the gunshot. I raised my hands instinctively and they advanced.

“Get on the ground” one of them said.

“I-I haven’t done anything” I said.

“Just get on the ground dammit!” the cop shouted again. I obliged, getting on the floor.

They pulled out cuffs and slapped them onto me, before pressing a foot into my back. The other cop was busy dealing with the injured man. I felt my body grow cold as I heard him wheezing for life as the mother and daughter cried. I needed to do something. I glanced up at the cop who stood on me, craning my neck to talk to them.

“I can help. Let me help” I said.

“Be quiet” they said, staring at their partner. The other cop helped the mum and daughter over to the police car. I glanced between them and the dad lying in a pool of his own blood.

I needed to help him. I snapped the handcuffs and leapt up, the cop standing on me falling over. I webbed him to the ground and rushed over to the dying man. My spider sense buzzed, and I felt the presence of death behind me. My body moved instinctively as bullets whizzed past me and screams echoed in the background. Eventually I froze, breathing heavily as I looked down at the street hanging from the wall. The cop stared at me, holding their gun tightly as they trained it on me.

“You’re that vigilante, aren’t you?” they said.

“Yeah. I- can I help?”

“No. Just go”

“But-”

“I said go”

“I can’t just let him die” I pleaded.

“He’s already dead!”

The words hit me like a sack of bricks and I dropped down to the ground kneeling over the dead father.

“Just leave!” the officer said harshly, turning to me. “I don’t ever want to see your face again. You’ve done enough today already. Go before I change my mind and we arrest you again.” I stood up and stepped back, hanging my head. I took one last look around at the scene, hearing the cries of the grieving mother and daughter and swung away.

I didn’t think, but my emotions still made themselves known. I pulled myself through the air, swinging quickly as my body trembled with fear and anguish. I embraced it. I deserved to be afraid right now. No, I deserved far worse than just fear. I pulled myself through the torrential pour, blinded by the water as my goggles steamed up. Suddenly my spider sense buzzed and I crashed into a building, spinning through the air before slamming onto a roof. I rolled over in pain, unable to even muster a breath as my body shook. Waves of it rolled through me, and I slumped to the ground. The pain receded slowly, and I pulled off the mask, sitting up to spit out blood.

I sat on the roof in silence, the rain pouring onto my head as I stared at the mask in my lap, my goggles lying on the floor next to me. The broken lens I hadn’t been able to remove reflected my face back, distorted. I looked like shit. My hair was all messy, my face was covered in cuts and bruises, and my eyes were bloodshot red. I couldn’t tell whether that was because I’d been crying or I’d gotten sand in my eyes. It sure felt like it.

Either way, I didn’t look anything like a superhero should. I’d never been cut out for this in the first place. I threw the mask off to the side. I’d made a stupid promise, filled with hopes, dreams and delusions of grandeur. I’d twisted my best friend’s death into motivation, just to convince myself there was some cosmic purpose for all this! I clutched the mask tightly pressing it to my face.

“I don’t know what to do Gwen. God dammit, I don’t know what to do” I said, my voice breaking.

I grimaced and hit myself. Gwen couldn’t help me anymore. I needed to figure this out on my own. If I was thinking too negatively, then I had to work myself out of the rut.

I recalled Uncle Ben’s words.

‘You’re special Peter. You’ll do amazing things, probably change the world’

I felt my heart pang with sadness. Uncle Ben and Aunt May had been wrong, thought too highly of me. Nothing in my life had panned out, from falling to get into the Masters program, to ruining Otto’s life’s work with my incompetence. I’d never been special. There’d always been people smarter, stronger, and just better than me. I was nearly a decade older than him and I couldn’t do what Lucas had done. Lucas had fought against Ricardo, the monster whose greed had taken my best friend from me, and haunted me in my nightmares, and he’d won. He’d even saved people afterwards. He was fourteen and he hadn’t even been afraid. I’d let my fear stop me from taking on a petty thief, just because he had a damn gun. I could forget about stopping that Sand man. I couldn’t even be a hero.

I turned to look at the mask, staring at it, as it floated in a muddy puddle. If we were so different, what qualified me to take this role, to take this mantle? Nothing. I wasn’t a hero. I shouldn’t have made him that promise.

I closed my eyes, pressing my head against the wall, feeling the wet, cold hard concrete against my skin. Someone had died today, because I hadn’t done enough. A mother and father had lost their son, siblings their brother, a partner their husband, a son his father. A nephew might’ve even lost his uncle. All because I couldn’t stop a thief. I didn’t know if I could take anymore death, especially when it was my fault. If I carried on, more people would die because of me. But if I didn’t people would die anyway.

I couldn’t win. I slumped to my knees, holding back the tears as I stared at the floor. But Athena was gone. Lucas and Amy had done well, but they were gone now too. The city needed a hero. Could I knowingly abandon it? Athena had done it, Lucas too. I’d seen his face, seen the pain in his eyes. Athena had probably felt it too. I could feel glimpses of it now as well. Knowing that those close to me could die because I was doing this killed me. MJ, Harry, Ned, Bella, Grady, May, Grandpa. I’d already lost Gwen and Uncle Ben, I couldn’t lose anyone else.

But what about the rest of the city? Was it fair to them if I stopped doing this? Wasn’t I basically sacrificing their lives for my own? What about all the other Uncle Ben’s, Gwen’s, Ned’s, MJ’s, and Aunt May’s? How would the people around them feel if they died when a superhero could have prevented it? When I had this power, could I live with myself?

I gripped the wall tighter, the concrete cracking under my fingers. I flinched, pulling my hand away from the wall and losing my balance. I fell off my knees and onto my side, rolling lazily onto the floor. The rain washed over my face, sending a chill through me.

“Dammit” I mumbled. My entire body ached, warning me to not get up. I ignored it, wincing as I stood. This was just like before, except worse. From the moment I’d put on this costume I’d only screwed up. I couldn’t believe that I’d had any confidence going into this.

I needed to go home.