I sat on the subway, wiping my wet palms on my sweatpants. There were too many thoughts in my mind for me to focus on one particular thing, but I knew I was anxious. Whether it was because I was starting to reconsider trying to talk to Amy, or the fact that I’d probably have to explain everything to tío the second we got there. Dammit. That had been half the point of leaving in the first place; I didn’t want to tell him.
I glanced at him and looked away. How would I even approach this? What if Amy was angry again because I’d hung up on her? What if my confession went just as badly as I thought it would? Argh! I grabbed the sides of my head and started tugging at my hair. Why was everything so difficult? I felt tío nudge me.
“You alright?” he asked softly.
“I… yeah” I whispered back.
“You don’t look it. We can turn around whenever, ok?”
I went to say something but hesitated.
“You want to turn back?”
“…no” I mumbled. I couldn’t say the thought hadn’t crossed my mind, but I felt like I needed to do this. I always ran from anything uncomfortable, so it wasn’t like this feeling was out of the ordinary. I just needed to get over myself. I let my hands fall into my lap, and I leaned back in my seat. I felt a wave of dizziness and clamped my eyes shut, grabbing my face to centre myself.
“Lucas?” Uncle asked, concerned.
“Sorry. I just…” I trailed off. There was a beat of silence.
“I think we should go back Lucas. This doesn’t feel right” he said.
“No. Please tio, just let me do this” I pleaded.
“Why? And don’t say you don’t know” he asked, his voice filled with emotion. I paused.
“I… just don’t want you guys to hate me” I said.
“Lucas… Lucas look at me. Why would we… how could we ever hate you?” Uncle scoffed.
“You just would, ok? I just… if I do this, I feel like no matter the outcome, I can at least accept your guys’ reaction.”
“You don’t have to be scared of how we’ll react. I promise you, no matter what you’ve done, none of us will ever hate you” he said.
“You can’t say that, y-“
“I can”
“You can’t! You don’t know what I did! How can you know you won’t hate me?!” I shouted. Tio looked taken aback for a second before shooting a glance around, and then putting a hand on my shoulder, pulling me closer.
“Not here” he whispered. “But I promise you, even if you’ve done something wrong, none of us will ever hate you.”
I felt a tiny glimmer of hope appear in the recesses of my mind, but it was still shrouded by darkness. How could he promise me that? Would he still have the same expression when he’d found out I’d killed people? When he found out all the stuff I’d done, all the things I’d kept from him, would he still love me. No. He wouldn’t. I hung my head, feelings of shame swirling through my gut.
“Lucas?” he asked.
“I…ok. Thanks” I mumbled, half-heartedly. The carriage rattled and we sat in silence for the rest of the journey, more and more dread building up. I wiped the sweat from my palms as we stepped out of the station, my heart hammering in my chest.
What did I say? I knew I had to apologise, but what words could I say to convey just how sorry I was. I couldn’t think of anything. I’d have to start with I’m sorry and pray the right words came. And that she let me talk. I didn’t want to get bombarded with insults again. But it was probably likely I would. I leaned my head back cringing, then wiped my hands on my coat. God I was so nervous. I was trembling. I shoved my hands into my pockets and felt my hand brush against my mask.
I paused for a few seconds, hundreds of different thoughts swirling through my head, before gripping it tightly in my hand. I needed to throw it away. Even if this went well, it was a reminder of one of my biggest fuck-ups. I was never putting the costume back on. I’d already destroyed it, so that wouldn’t be difficult. It was just the principle. I wasn’t a hero, and trying to be one would just get more people hurt.
A hand clamped down on my shoulder, and I turned to look at tio, his expression concerned.
“Are we going in the right direction?” he asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“There’s a lot of sirens. I think there might be something going on” he said. I turned to see a police car zoom down the street, it’s sirens blaring. I could here more in the distance too. Actually, they didn’t sound too far away. I frowned. Wasn’t Amy’s house in that dir-
I froze, the sound of my heart thumping steadily filling my ears. A slight tingling buzzed at the back of my mind. No. No, no, no! I was running. Faster than I should’ve been, but I didn’t care. I could hear shouts now, see people walking away, some people jogging even. I turned the corner and felt my heart sink, a sense of despair washing over me. The top half of Amy’s apartment building was in pieces, a layer of fine dust permeating from the wreck. Just outside, a manhole cover lay bent and twisted on the floor, chunks of concrete surrounding the hole torn to pieces. There was a blockade of police cars, the lights from their roofs bathing everything in an alternating glow of red and blue. A small crowd had gathered, just beyond the blockade, staring at the wreck and chattering amongst themselves.
My spider sense buzzed loudly now, and I felt an indescribable sensation grip my heart. He was here. Ricardo was here. I stumbled, falling to the floor, my legs feeling weak from fear. This wasn’t happening. No. No way this was happening. The explosion had killed so many people and he’d been right at the centre of it! He couldn’t be here. He had to be dead. My spider sense continued buzzing. I looked, up at the building. I had to help Amy. I leapt up, running and leaping over the barriers. A policeman grabbed me and pushed me back, shouting obscenities in my face. Everyone was looking at me now, dammit, this wasn’t helping. I needed to get past the barricade without being spotted. I rushed away, quickly finding an alley. I pulled my mask on, threw off my coat and sprinted up the side of the building. I jumped between the gaps from building to building, before finally leaping through the window of her apartment building. It was a mess.
“Amy?!” I shouted. The building shook and I heard a shrill shriek followed by a loud crashing sounding. I rushed through the building, checking over the wreckage for any sign of Amy. I ignored all the blood and debris searching solely for her. Flecks of black ooze were splattered all over the place sending chills through my body. I couldn’t believe I’d been so stupid, that I hadn’t even checked to see whether or not that monster had still been alive. I’d just run. He’d told me he would do this. He’d told me once he was finished with me he’d come for Amy. And I’d ignored it all just to wallow in self-pity.
The building shook again and I heard a cough. I spun to see Amy’s sisters. Heather and Rachael grimacing as they tried to raise a piece of rubble off an unconscious little boy’s leg. I rushed over to them and pulled the rubble off him. I grabbed the three, wrapping them up in a web and leapt out of an obliterated window, quickly swinging to the roof of a separate building. Heather fell to the floor in relief and I helped her up.
“Amy?! Where’s Amy?!” I said.
“S-she’s fighting a villain. It knew who she was!” Heather said panicking.
“Where?” I said. Suddenly the ground shook violently. The force was so great I couldn’t tell whether the origin came from within the building or outside of it. I felt a hand on my shoulder and spun around.
“They went down” Rachael said, pointing towards the lower floors.
I didn’t wait for more, leaping off the side of the building and swinging back into the dust cloud. I rushed around, more frantic now, when I spotted a lone figure on the floor, surrounded by a pool of blood. Even through the dust I recognised her.
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
“Amy!” I shouted. I rushed over to her, running through the wreckage as she lay motionless on the ground. Her legs were trapped underneath rubble and she was surrounded by a pool of blood. Her arm was gone and the colour was quickly draining from her face.
There was so much blood.
“Oh god! Amy! Amy?! Stay with me” I said, grabbing her. I covered her stump with my hand, blood soaking into my jacket. Dust swirled around us, and there was a screech and the sound of shifting rubble. I looked around frantically feeling a palpable fear in my chest. My spider sense whirred, warning me of danger in all directions from the darkness around us.
“I’m sorry” Amy gasped, her eyes watering as she clutched onto me tightly.
“Don’t apologise Amy, this is my fault. I messed everything up and I let this happen. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” I said sobbing. I lifted her up and felt her grip tighten on my jacket. I jogged forward, glancing down at her. She went to say something but coughed out blood. Fear shot through me and I slowed to a stop adjusting the way I held her.
“Y-you’re… coward. You’re… not… a coward” she wheezed, blood seeping out her mouth.
“Don’t talk Amy! I’ll get you somewhere safe and we can talk after” I said. I could feel it under my hands. Her ribs were crushed, and they’d probably punctured her lungs. I started running again. I needed to get her to safety quickly.
“Thank you” she whispered.
“Don’t talk, just try to stay still”
“For… coming back. Thank you, Lucas” she said, her eyes distant. I webbed the stump to cut off the bleeding, clutching her tightly.
“Hang on! Hang on Amy!” I shouted.
“Take this” she said, pressing me a couple of photos against my chest, she pulled out her pocket.
“Give them to me l-“
My spider sense screamed and I yanked myself to the side with a web as the ceiling above and came down with a thunderous crash. Black ooze shot out from the darkness and twisted towards me, grabbing Amy and yanking her from my weakened arm.
“NO!” I screamed. I fired a web at the wall and pulled myself forwards, throwing a wild kick into the darkness. My spider-sense screamed and I pulled myself to the side with a web. Instantly Ricardo’s monstrous face emerged from the shadows and I felt a hand grab me. Too late. I was slammed me into the floor, the ground beneath me disintegrating. I fell as the monster shrieked diving downwards toward me. Amy was flung, her body flailing through the air between us as we fell. I fired out a web and yanked her back as the monster’s ooze shot out. I clutched her tightly as my spider sense cried out, warning me of the oncoming ground. Ricardo barrelled through the air towards me. No time. I flung Amy to the side and fired a web to cushion her fall. I tried to fire another, but Ricardo slammed into me and we crashed into the ground together.
My ears were ringing and my body throbbed. My chest felt worse than it ever had. I was bleeding. No, it was Amy’s blood from before. I glanced up to see her hanging from the ceiling by a web, groaning. I needed to get her to safety. Suddenly, something grabbed my leg and flung me upwards. Shit. I flipped through the air and watched as the monster lunged for Amy. I webbed her and yanked her away from him, before slamming into the ceiling and crashing through multiple floors.
I opened my eyes, my mask damaged as I coughed blood onto the floor. I’d blacked out. I looked up to see Amy slam the monster against a wall, stumbling. My hope was quickly replaced by horror as she struggled uselessly against tendrils of the black goo. Time seemed to slow as the monster’s jaw unhinged; it’s mouth opening wide as it’s maniacal laughter echoed through the building. I fired a web to pull Amy back, crying out. My shout and the monster’s laugh were drowned out by a guttural shriek as Amy thrashed about, trying desperately to escape the monstrosity before her. My web latched onto her back and I yanked backwards.
She crashed into me and we slid across the floor, before coming to a stop. I pulled her towards me, covering her stump with webbing as I scrambled backwards. Ricardo’s laughter echoed through the darkness. I glanced down at Amy and felt my world shatter.
Her head was gone.
She slipped from my grasp and her body slapped against the ground with a wet thud as unholy amounts of blood seeped out of her neck. I stared at the body, frozen. My mind couldn’t comprehend what I was seeing.
Amy was dead.
“Deliciousss” the monster said, his voice shaking me from my trance. I looked up at him, his smile stretching impossibly wide as he licked his red stained teeth. “Now, time for secondsss” he said, diving to me.
The ground shattered as I lunged at him, roaring with an unconstrained fury. I sunk my claws into him, and we crashed through two floors and a wall before slamming through the ground with a deafening boom. I was instantly blinded as we crashed into the water, unsure of which was up or down. My spider sense buzzed and I spun around, swinging my fist with enough force to cut through the water with ease. It slammed into something, and I felt the vibrations of a shriek shake the water. My sense buzzed again but it was too late. I felt something grab my wrist and yank me forwards. I kicked out, feeling my soles thud against something tough. Then I was flung. One second I was in water and the next I was flying through the air. I crashed through brick and flailed about before smacking against the asphalt.
My ears rung loudly and I heard another crash followed by screams. My spider sense buzzed and I darted forwards again, catching Ricardo off guard. Seeing the surprised expression on his monstrous form filled me with even more blinding rage and I clenched my fist hard. My fist connected with another boom, sending him flying and shattering the windows around us. I didn’t give him a moment’s reprieve, charging towards him as he crashed into a building. He started to get up and I jumped, cutting through the air and slamming him with my feet. I stuck to him as we crashed out the other side of the building and spun through the air. Digging my claws through his ooze and cutting through flesh, I roared in his face as he shrieked in pain. I felt the ooze latch onto me, trying to force me away from him, but it only made me hold tighter. We crashed to the ground and he suddenly pulled me inwards, opening his mouth wide. Mistake. I dived forwards, pulling myself through the ooze with a web and slammed into his regular body underneath. In a mess of the ooze as it suffocated and surrounded me, I clawed through it to latch onto his body. I felt soft flesh beneath my claws and tore at it, feeling the ooze shudder with pain along with a much closer, pathetic squeal. I was thrown from the ooze, crashing to the ground. My arms were covered in blood and the monster stumbled, clutching at it’s stomach as blood seeped to the floor.
I stood again, feeling light-headed. I stepped forwards anyway, my body contorting, my transformation fuelled by anger rather than fear. My claws were longer, my venom melting through the pavement. I was keenly aware of Ricardo, and only him.
I’d kill him. I’d take his body and break it. I’d grind his bones to dust and burn whatever was left. I’d tear off his head, split his skull and liquefy his brain. Even if he regenerated, I’d kill him. I’d kill him over and over and over and over. It would never be enough. Not even if I did it a thousand times.
I darted towards with a demonic roar and he roared back, lunging at me. I raked my claws across his face, before stabbing into his neck. He slammed into me with a shoulder and sent me flying into a car. I crashed into it hard and he continued charging at me.
“YOU BASTARD!!” I cried, picking up the car and bringing it down on his head. It exploded in a burst of fire sending me flying. My ears were ringing as I forced myself to get up, ignoring the pain. I looked around, spotting Ricardo. He was still alive, struggling to stand up.
I webbed him towards me and hit him hard enough to shatter my hand, the force of the punch sending a wave of pressure that knocked people off their feet. I held him though, keeping him stuck to me. Then I hit him again twice as hard. Then again and again. And again. I hit him, releasing all my anger. My anger at this stupid mess of a situation. At all the pointless death, the needless destruction, all the promises and lies. I hit him to make up for all of it. But most of all because he’d taken Amy from me. He’d stolen the one chance I’d had to apologise. And it was all my fault.
I stood over him, crying my eyes out, my body shaking with sobs. The symbiote seeped off of him and down into a sewer, disappearing completely. He groaned, tears streaking down his face too, his body a red broken mess. I held him by what was left of his right shoulder, holding my fist above his face. My left arm shook, my bones broken and muscles torn to bits from the force of my punches. I stared at his face. He was trying to say something.
“S-stop. L-lacked… control… sorry” he mumbled. I stared at him for a few seconds, sniffing. I had him right in front of me. He didn’t have the ooze, he wasn’t regenerating, he was finished. I could kill him now and there’d be nothing he could do to stop me. I raised my fist pulling it back, as I stared at what was left of his face. I tightened my fist, my body shaking with frustration.
I couldn’t do it.
Of course, I couldn’t. Even at the end, I was a coward.
I let my hand fall to my side, feeling even more tears start to stream down my face. The hints of a smile formed on Ricardo’s face.
“T-thank you… Lucas” he whispered. Memories of Amy flooded through my mind, stopping on the image of her lifeless body on the floor. I slammed the monster into the ground, shattering his skull and spilling his brains across the pavement. I fell to the floor, kneeling over his corpse for a few seconds, shaking as I took deep breaths.
I’d killed him. I’d killed him in cold blood.
I stepped back, standing as I looked down at ,his body, my breath starting to hitch in my throat. I stared at my hands, then stumbled backwards. I was suddenly assaulted by my senses, all of them picking up everything within the immediate surroundings. The screams, the smell, the destruction, all of it. People lay dead nearby, crushed by debris. More people screamed from inside the buildings I’d flung Ricardo through. I fell to my knees and pulled up the mask, vomiting onto the floor. I needed to get out of here. I needed to find Uncle and we needed to go. I scrambled up and webbed up towards a building. I paused, hearing the shouts and cries for help. I couldn’t leave these people behind. Even if I didn’t deserve to be a hero, they didn’t deserve to be left to die. Amy wouldn’t have wanted that. I turned back around and swung down towards the wreckage, spotting a child crying out as he clutched a teddy bear. I grabbed him, leaping away from falling debris. He looked up and spotted my mask, clutching me tighter.
“Everything’s gonna be ok” I lied, through tears.
-
I sat next to an ambulance soaking wet, my t shirt soaked with the blood from my broken arm. I’d passed out at some point trying to save people. When I’d opened my eyes, it had been dark, well as dark as it could be with all the flashing lights. I’d taken off my mask and hoodie, then made my way out of the wrecked building I’d been in. A bunch of medics had grabbed me before I’d even realised what had happened. They thought I was one of the injured. I hadn’t bothered to correct them, only asking for a phone so I could call my uncle. Someone had said they’d get me one, but that had been at least half an hour ago. I hadn’t wanted to think about it; I’d actively tried not to, but with every passing second it became more and more real.
We’d been close when I’d ran. He’d probably followed me and gotten caught up in the crowd looking for me. The crowd in the street I’d obliterated. I’d tried to ask about a passing paramedic where the injured people on that street were, and her expression had been enough of an answer. I stared at the only picture Amy had given me that wasn’t stained with blood. It was a picture of the entire city, the sky bathed in the pinkish glow of a sunset. Tears began dropping to the floor. I tried to wipe my eyes with my good arm, but it wasn’t enough. Dammit. Even after I’d given up this charade, I’d still managed to ruin everything. I’d killed Ricardo, Amy and my tio. My sobs grew deeper as I curled up.
“I’m sorry” I mumbled. ”I’m so sorry.”