The outskirts of Chinatown, and just beyond were a mess. Liz hadn’t properly conveyed the size of the explosion that had happened. They were far larger than any of the other ones. Enough to take out an entire building and send serious debris flying for at least five blocks. The explosion outside of Chinatown had been my base. Considering the only important thing that had been destroyed from that was the Spider-Man clone’s body, thoughts on that could wait. I had more pressing matters to deal with here. Still, he hadn’t deserved that. Even if he was a clone, he deserved a proper burial.
I shook my head, dispelling the thought as I looked around, searching the immense wreck for people. There were hundreds of people here. Far too many for people to save before people started dying. I’d come straight here from the wreck in Queens after finding out about the scale of destruction. So far there were at least 159 confirmed casualties, and we hadn’t even finished searching the wreck. It had already gotten dark.
The whole situation was just… soul shattering. But just because there were too many people didn’t mean we couldn’t save anyone.
I winced, stumbling slightly as I shifted the weight of the man I carried. I regained my footing and leapt over the remnants of a shop and rushed towards a group of ambulances. I handed him over to a group of medics, glancing over the line of injured I’d already given them. As I turned to leave, the man gripped my hand tightly.
“Thank you” he said, his eyes filled with gratitude. “Thank you” I nodded, then looked away, my heart filled with shame. I jogged back towards the wreck, my side stinging as I sensed outwards. Dammit, I needed a better view of all of this. I leapt up, ignoring the pain as I climbed an evacuated building, climbing till I reached the roof. I paused, panting before surveying the destruction below. The lights from ambulances and fire-trucks flashed throughout the surrounding neighbourhood, as firemen, cops, and civilians, all worked together within the heart of the chaos, rescuing people. Helicopters, beat overhead their lights cutting through the night, illuminating the mess of debris below. I looked around again, looking at the people we’d rescued. Some were unconscious, some silent in shock, some crying as they looked over their former homes. I looked away, feeling more tightness in my chest.
I could just see how the Bugle would spin this. No. Not spin this. This time they’d be right. I froze, then clenched my fists tightly. I needed to stop thinking and get back out there. I sensed out, feeling a group of three close by. They were trapped in a pocket of rubble. I could get to them. I leapt from the building and fired a web, swinging down and landing next to them. I grabbed the pillar blocking their escape, and hefted upwards, freeing up a path for them.
“It’s safe to come out” I said, strained. They all bolted out, a mother, father, and son. I let the rubble fall, coughing as I stepped away from the dust.
“There’s ambulances just down the road. Do you need me to carry you?” I asked.
“No. Thank you. Thank you so much” she said, clutching her child tightly. The man nodded to me, taking his child before the trio rushed off.
I let out a sigh of relief and sensed out further. There was something in what was left of that alley over there. I jogged over, before stumbling and falling to one knee. I frowned, taking a second before my body shuddered and I fell to the floor, the pain growing worse.
“Ow” I mumbled, blinking through the pain confused. I tried to stand but wobbled and fell to the floor again.
“Seriously? I got stabbed today and this is what does it?” I mumbled. I went to stand again, but this time the pain was worse. I gasped, falling to the floor as my body shook. Oh shit. I was losing control, the pain overwhelming me. I couldn’t even keep my eyes open. Dammit. Not like this. Not here. Not now. There was still so much to do! Still so many people to save. I’d caused so much damage today. I needed to make sure everyone was ok. I needed to fix things. I needed to get up.
I rolled over, struggling to comprehend my surroundings through the pain. It was so bad I couldn’t even tell whether I was breathing. But I could still hear the shouts, the cries for help in the chaos around. I could hear the sounds of sirens in the distance, of helicopters overhead. The cries of the people, their fear palpable. I needed to get up. I needed to make sure everyone else was okay.
But I couldn’t. Despite my will, my body was refused to listen, too beaten and broken to even hear my commands. I opened my eyes again, but it was darker now, my vision clouded in a hue of dark red. I blinked, but failed to get rid of the blood, as my vision tunnelled further. A feeling of cold, cool darkness began spreading through me. As it washed over me, all my fears and worries began to fade, a calm began to steadily permeate my being.
Suddenly everything was clear. My thoughts, my memories, my feelings. Everything. I fumbled with the phone I had and dialled a number with all the strength I had left. It dialled once before the call was picked up.
“Petey?”
“I’m sorry” I blurted.
“What? Is something wrong?! What happened? What’s happening?” Liz said, worried.
“I shouldn’t have lied to you. I should’ve told you everything sooner.”
“It’s ok, it’s ok. Where are you? Do you need help?”
“I’m in some random alley by the Chinatown wreck. By all the fire-trucks and ambulances and stuff”
“Do you want me to call an ambulance?
“No, no. I’m good. I always get up” I replied.
“Pete what’s going on?”
“I love you” I said suddenly.
“I love you too. But please, please tell me what’s going on. I need to know what to do so I can help”
“I’m sorry Liz. Tell everyone else I love them to”
“What?! Peter?! Petey?!”
But I couldn’t respond. The clarity slowly fading. I looked at the sky, my life flashing before my eyes, a million memories closer than ever before. It was beautiful. I closed my eyes and let the comforting cold engulfed me.
-
-
I opened my eyes to the soft sound of laughter in the distance. I sat up, confused, blinking as I looked around. I was in a field of grass surrounded by trees. I recognised it. It was the field from the park near home. But it looked different now. Better. Like I remembered in my best memories.
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I looked around, confused again. Why was I here? Hadn’t I been… where had I been? I’d been… I’d been… looking at the sky. Why had I been looking up at the sky? I glanced up and froze in awe. I stared at a sea of endless stars against a backdrop of absolute darkness. I’d never seen the night sky so clearly. It realer than I ever remembered, like I could reach out and touch them. I reached out to the sky, grasping at air. The sky seemed to move at my touch, a canvas that bent and stretched, pulled by the gravity of my arm.
“Peter?” a familiar voice said. I spun around instantly, eyes wide as I came face to face with Gwen.
“Gwen?” I said emotional. She smiled softly at me. I leapt up and rushed towards her pulling her into a hug. She hugged me back. I cried in her arms, my body shaking.
“I’m sorry. When the research centre collapsed, I- I couldn’t do anything. I’m so sorry”
“It’s ok. You don’t have to apologise Peter” she said. I pulled away looking up at her confused.
“But-”
“Come on, what would you have done? Stopped a ton of debris falling on me? You didn’t even have powers yet” she said, laughing. I stared at her in disbelief.
“Sorry, too soon?” she said, still smiling.
“You can’t- Don’t joke about that” I said, serious.
“Sorry, sorry. I thought you’d like that one. But it is my own death we’re talking about” she said. Her face grew serious as I stared at her confused.
“It’s not your fault Peter. I wish I could make you see that” she said. I stayed silent, studying her face as she stared solemn at the floor.
“Not gonna say anything?”
“I just… I felt like I should’ve done something” I said, wiping my eyes.
“You couldn’t have”
“I know, I know. But that- it just makes it worse” I said.
“Does it? I thought you’d find comfort in something like that”
“Not with you. Not when it’s with you”
I stared at the floor as we both stayed silent, afraid to say anything. And like always, Gwen spoke first.
“It’s not your fault” she said.
“I know… it just doesn’t feel like it” I said. “Even two years later, I keep finding myself thinking what I could’ve done differently that day. What if I hadn’t taken Lucas upstairs? What if I’d convinced you to take a coffee break with me? What if we’d agreed to work with Ricardo, caught sight of things earlier? I mean what if I’d never cost Otto his job?”
“Pete” Gwen said, her voice filled with pity and concern.
“It’s stupid, but I can’t help it. I… I miss you so much” I said, tearing up again. I hung my head, trying and failing to stop my tears. I felt a warm hand on my face as Gwen pulled me into another hug.
We stood the for a few minutes before she pulled away.
“Come on you baby, let’s walk” she said. I nodded, not trusting my voice. We made our way through the grass, taking in the sights in silence. I looked to the sky again, staring up at the stars as the weirdness of the situation finally dawned on me.
“Where are we?” I asked.
“In some sort of in between place”
“In between where?” I asked.
“It’s… complicated. I can’t exactly tell you without breaking a promise”
“Promise?” I said, picking at the grass. “With who?”
“I can’t tell you that either” she said with a small smile.
“But it’s why I’m speaking with you?”
“Yeah”
“Am I… dead?” I asked. She shrugged. “That’s not exactly the answer I wanted”
“Really?” she said. I frowned, before realising what a question like that meant here.
“I- can I stay here? In this… afterlife?”
“I didn’t say anything about an afterlife. This is more like a… what’s a good analogy… memory prison”
“Memory prison?” I said alarmed.
“The description’s kind of crass, and it's more complicated than that. Actually think of it as a display window specifically built for you”
"I- I don't even know how to respond to that"
"Good, because if you start poking holes in the logic, we'll just waste time. This cost me a pretty penny"
"There's money in the afterlife?"
"Never said it was the afterlife, and no"
“Then what did you do? Don’t tell me you did something stupid?”
“Oh please, I should be the one asking you that. Spider-Man, really?” she laughed. I looked away sheepishly.
“I kidding” she said. “It’s kind of cool. Really cool actually”
“Really?”
“Well I think it’s a bit on the nose, but yeah. You’re a fucking superhero. It’s amazing” she said. I felt a burst of pride flood through my chest as a smile formed on my face. Then my smile faltered.
“But it didn’t work” I said, dejected.
“What?” Gwen said, turning to me.
“It didn’t work. I- so many people died tonight because of me. More than a hundred and fifty-nine, all because I couldn’t let my family go”
“And how many did you save?”
“What?”
“How many people did you save?” she repeated.
“I- I don’t know”
“Well it’s a lot more people than you think”
“How can you- how do you know that?”
“Just a hunch”
“Just a hunch? How- I- You can’t just say that. You can’t try and make me feel better, just trivialise hundreds of lives”
“I’m not trying to trivialise anything, Peter. I’m trying to make you see that your way of thinking is skewed”
“But you can’t just count how many people I saved and call it even” I said, my voice shaky.
“I’m sorry Peter. But you didn’t fail. I wish I could make you see that” her face suddenly serious.
I went to say something, but Gwen stepped close, tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to the sky.
“What do you see?” Gwen asked.
“What?”
“What do you see silly?” she repeated. I looked up, staring blankly at the sky this time.
“Stars. So many stars. They’re clearer than I’ve ever seen before, and they move when I reach out for them”
“Holy shit that’s cool”
“Is it different for you?” I said, turning to her.
“A nice bright blue, with literally the most perfect clouds you’ve ever seen.” I smiled sadly at her words.
“That sounds nice”
“I think yours sounds nicer”
We glanced at each other and laughed to ourselves for a moment, before Gwen looked up at the sky. She stared at it for a few seconds.
“I wish you were here” she said.
“I’m here already, aren’t I?” I joked. She looked down at me sadly.
“I wish you could stay”
“What?” I said, my heart thumping loudly in my chest.
“You can’t stay Pete” she said, looking away.
“But I- I can Gwen. I can, can’t I?” I said, taking her hand in mine. She held it tightly for a second then pushed it away.
“No Pete. You can’t. You shouldn’t. I’ve kept you for too long anyway”
“But I want to stay. I w-”
“No, you don’t” she said, her voice shaky now.
“But everyone’s here, right? Mum, Dad, Uncle Ben and you. Harry might even be here” I said, tears streaming down my face.
“What about Aunt May, MJ, Grandpa Will? Liz? All your other friends? There’s still so many people you care about back home“ she said. I frowned, feeling a mixture of longing and anguish.
“See?” Gwen said.
“But I want to stay with you all. I want to laugh with you, cry with you, live with you. I-”
“It wouldn’t be living if you were with us” Gwen said, sadly.
“I don’t care. I mean, the others would join us eventually, right?”
Gwen pulled me into a tight hug.
“You’ll be with us eventually Peter. Just live your life first” she said, her voice shaky. I held her close, crying harder. “I miss you Pete. A lot. A lot, a lot.”
“I miss you too” I responded. She pulled away and began wiping at her eyes. “God I’m crying. This is silly”
“There’s nothing wrong with crying Gwen.”
“No, I just promised myself I wouldn’t.”
I looked at her as she wiped at her eyes, then looked up at me smiling.
“It was nice to see you again ”
“Yeah. It was really good to see you too” I said nodding. “I’ll tell everyone you’re doing ok, wherever this is.” Gwen’s smile faltered tightly, and she pulled me into a hug clutching me tighter.
“I’m sorry Pete, but you’re gonna forget” she said. ”It- it was part of the deal.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry. I know it was selfish, I just… I had to see you” Gwen said, her voice shakier.
“But I don’t want to forget. You can’t- I- I-” I said, tearing up again as the stars above grew brighter.
“It’s okay” Gwen whispered softly. “Everything’s gonna be okay”
I cried quietly into her shoulder as everything faded. Sight, sounds, sensations. Everything. All engulfed by a warming light. And then, nothing.
-
-
A warm darkness blanketed me. I could smell lavender. That was nice. Coffee too. Less nice. I opened my eyes, blinking away tears. Tears? Why was I crying? Wiping at my face, took in my surroundings. A hospital room. I was in a hospital room. Well how had that happened? I’d fallen unconscious in the alley and then… I’d been taken to the hospital? I wasn’t wearing my costume though. What had happened?
A sound came from my bedside, and I turned to see Liz. She sat in the seat next to my bed, next to a desk filled with cards, reading a book. She looked great, but tired. She wore a nice pair of blue reading glasses, that I’d never seen before.
“Liz. Liz” I whispered. She glanced up from her book, startled. I tapped the side of my brow.
“You got glasses” I said with a small smile. She dropped her book on the floor and pulled me into a hug. I winced slightly, and she pulled away tears in her eyes. I smiled back lightly at her.
“You’re okay” she said, her face a mixture of relief and joy. “They said they weren’t sure. That it was a 50/50. I thought… we all thought-”
I pulled her back into a hug, holding her tightly to my chest as she sobbed.
“I’m okay”