It was dark out, and I still hadn’t gone home. I’d known today was coming, but I guess it hadn’t felt real yet. Not until I’d finished camp and the reality of the situation had suddenly come crashing into me. The anger and resentment had crept in slowly, all of my hidden thoughts and feelings bubbling to the surface. I gripped my bag tighter. I didn’t deserve to feel this way. I’d said yes in the first place, hadn’t I? I should’ve just sucked it up and accepted it instead of whatever I was doing right now.
But I still didn’t want to go.
It didn’t make sense. Big Sis was the one sending me away in the first place. She’d made me feel this way. She was the one that had me sitting here, wallowing in my own resentment. So, why the hell did I want to stick around? I sighed, loosening the grip on my bag. I knew the answer. It was the same reason I didn’t want to go home. Hope. I was still holding on to hope that one day she’d turn around and everything would be fine. Going home now, and leaving? Possibly forever? That would kill any hope I had. If today was real, it meant I’d just been deluding myself for the past three years.
“Hey kid, we’re closing up now so you’re going to have to go” Marco shouted from behind the counter of his pizza shop. I glanced up at him and nodded.
“I guess that’s it then” I mumbled, before releasing a sigh and standing up. It was time to go home. I stepped outside, a cold wind blowing across my face, and started down the road. I’d take the long way. It’d give me more time to muster up the courage to just accept the situation.
I frowned. Big Sis would probably be understandably angry that I’d flaked out and made everyone wait for hours. Actually, knowing that it might be a better idea to call her before I got home. I didn’t want her making a scene if we still had guests. I turned on my phone fearing the worst. It was bad. There were enough missed calls and messages to make my brain hurt. I didn’t even bother scrolling through the messages, instead just calling Bid Sis straight back. The phone rang once before it was answered, Big Sis’ voice breathless on the other end of the line.
“Lucas?” she said, worried
“I’m coming home. I... just wanted to let you know” I replied awkwardly.
“Are you okay?” she said her voice still concerned.
“I’m… yeah”
“Where were you?” she said, hints of anger already seeping in.
“I'm… I…” I couldn’t answer, falling silent instead.
“Lucas, answer me” she said, the concern gone. I opened my mouth to say something, but I didn’t know what to do. “Answer me chico!”
“I was at the library” I lied. She didn’t respond, and my insides shrivelled up in the silence. She was angry. I heard her signature frustrated sigh, and then she cursed under her breath in Spanish.
“Sis I-“
“No. Don’t say another word. Come home quickly so we can be done with this mess” she said. She hung up, not even bothering to wait for a response. I breathed a sigh of relief my shoulders slumping. That hadn’t gone anywhere near as badly as it could have. Usually, Big Sis wouldn’t have hesitated to shout at me over the phone, so tío and the others were probably still over. Welp, no point walking back home depressed, I’d already moped for a few hours. I slipped my air-pods in, threw my hood up and put on my playlist, humming to myself as I strolled down the street. Things were bad, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy the walk home. No way was I ever letting anything stop me from enjoying my music. Not even this.
-
The music had made the walk feel short. Now standing in silence outside my apartment building I was starting to wish I hadn’t gotten so engrossed. I looked up at the keypad and went to type in the code before pausing. It might be better to give everyone a twenty second warning to stop any spur of the moment decisions that could happen if I just appeared; even if they were expecting me. I raised my hand, hesitating for a split second and then pressed the buzzer, cringing with apprehension. The sound of ringing turned to static followed by a small beep.
“I’m home” I said.
“Took you long enough” Sofia, my younger sister, said, her voice reverberating through the damaged speaker.
“Just open the door” I replied.
There was a buzz, then the lock clicked and I pushed the door open. I made my up the stairs to the third floor, dragging my feet. I stood in the stairwell for a few seconds and pressed my head against the door. It'd be fine. Yeah, it'd be fine. I stepped into the hall and came face to face with Big Sis, her eyes blazing with fury, as she stood rigid.
Stolen novel; please report.
“What the hell do you think you’re playing at?!” she said.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to keep everyone waiting” I said.
“Well, you did. Just hurry up and pack your things. Tía and tío both have work early tomorrow and you’re keeping them” she said harshly. She spun on her heel making her way down the hall to our door. I froze at the statement. She seemed almost eager to get rid of me. Scratch that, she was eager to get rid of me, to the point that she was getting impatient I hadn’t left already.
I clenched my fists.
“Do you hate me or something?!” I said angrily, surprising myself.
“What?!” Big Sis said, turning back to me. Her tone immediately removed any fight I’d had, replacing it with a deep fear.
“I- nothing. Nothing” I said, looking down at the ground.
“If you’ve got something to say, spit it out” she said, the anger at my question apparent. I stayed silent, and Big Sis shook her head. “How dare you even ask a question like that?!” she said still angry, “You think I hate you because I’m always reprimanding you?! It’s not my fault you cause me so much grief!”
“I wasn’t-“
“You weren’t what?” she interjected. “You weren’t trying to make me feel bad? Cause you were!”
“I- it wasn’t about that!” I said with a sudden frustration. I glanced up at her as she made her way back over to me, her face contorted in anger.
“Don’t ever shout at me!” she said, raising a warning finger in front of my face. I looked to the ground. Her gaze of anger lingered on me for a moment before she stepped back. “Let’s stop this. You need to go” she said.
“I don’t want to” I mumbled.
“What?” she said faltering. “Lucas you said you were okay with this! You can’t-”
“Look I know what I said, okay? I just… I don’t know”
“What do you mean you don’t know? You know how big of a deal this is! I mean you know how much effort it took to get you into that school?! I mean tía and tío waited hours just to make it easier for you. For god’s sake you start tomorrow!” she said exasperated.
“I just… changed my mind” I mumbled.
“You don’t get to change your mind!” she said clearly frustrated. I looked at the floor as she stepped back from me putting her hand to her head. “I mean… what? You can’t just... expect people to just bend to your every whim?! Why’re you being so stupid?! Why didn’t you say something earlier?”
I shrugged, still looking at the floor. There was a beat of silence, and the sound of hushed whispers on the other side of our door echoed softly through the halls. Sofia and Quinten were listening. Crap.
“Lucas… Lucas look at me” Big Sis said, the anger gone.
“It’s fine. I’m being stupid, I’ll pack my stuff” I said, avoiding her gaze. I stepped past her and made my way over to our door the sound of footsteps scurrying away. I stepped inside the apartment and made straight for my room. I passed the living room and gave a wave to everyone. Tía Adriana, tío Jamie, Sofia, and Quinten sat down, playing a game of Monopoly.
“Hey everyone. Sorry for making you wait. I’ll grab my stuff and we can go” I said.
“It’s fine Lucas, you don’t have to apologise. I know you wouldn’t make us wait for no reason” Tía Adriana said with a kind smile. I nodded, before turning down the hall and cringing. I couldn't tell if she was being genuine or not. Probably not. I slipped inside my room and looked around. It was completely bare except the bed in the corner and suitcase by the door. I glanced out the window and sighed.
“I guess this is goodbye” I said softly.
I grabbed the suitcase, and stepped back outside, Sis and Sofia waiting just outside my door. Sofia wrapped me in a tight hug before I could say anything, and I gave her a light hug back. Big Sis stepped in to hug me but hesitated, her eyes distant. Sofia pulled away her eyes teary.
“Why’re you so emotional? I thought you’d be celebrating” I said only half joking. She hit me lightly and wiped her eyes.
“Promise you’ll visit on the weekends?” she said.
“Uh... I don't think I can. If Maria comes around, I’ll probably visit too” I said. Sofia pouted but didn’t say anything, instead hugging me again. I hugged back tighter this time, closing my eyes and resting my chin atop her head.
I opened my eyes as she pulled away. Tío, Tía and Quinten stood in the hallway, waiting patiently. I glanced at Big Sis, whose eyes still looked distance, and smiled faintly.
“Let’s go” I said, “I don’t want to keep you guys waiting”
“You need help with the suitcase?” Tío said.
“Nah, I’m good” I replied.
I pulled my suitcase down the hall following the others. Tío opened the door and stepped outside followed by Quinten. Tía stopped and gestured for me to go first smiling.
“Wait?!” Big Sis said her voice echoing through the hallway. My head whipped around in surprise. Sis stood in the hallway, uncharacteristically looking unsure of herself, her eyes slightly wet. She went to say something but hesitated, looking into my eyes as though she was trying to communicate something beyond words.
“I’ll be fine. I promise” I replied, before turning and stepping through the door followed by Tía. She closed the door softly behind her, and a pang of guilt stabbed through my stomach. I was missing something, but I didn’t know what.
“Are you alright Lucas?” Tía asked.
“I’m fine” I said. I gripped the handle to my suitcase tighter and made my way down the hall.