I swung through the air at a breakneck pace, my entire body thrumming with pain. I wanted to stop; I’d been moving with too many injuries for far too long. But I couldn’t; fuelled by an aversion to the possibility of my almost crippling fears coming true. Every thought rushing through my head was negative. Every single one. There was too much to think about. Too much to do. Too much I didn’t know. I didn’t know if MJ and Aunt May were safe. I didn’t know if Harry would make it. I didn’t know whether or not there was someone out there right now, in all the wreckage I’d left behind, calling out for me and I’d never hear them, never arrive to save the day. It felt like I was forgetting something, but I was simultaneously too tired and far too focused on everything else to think about it. I didn’t even know whether Liz was ok.

I’d killed the clone, but there might even be another clone after her. Or she could’ve been in one of the buildings the fight had destroyed. People had died again, hadn’t they? I grit my teeth.

I was leaving a trail of death in my wake today. And now I was leading it home. The thought clawed at my psyche, whittling it down even further than the day already had. Bringing with it a sense of fragility, of exposure. A part of me wanted to stop. A larger part of me than I’d like to admit. It wanted to curl up into a ball and just rest. But I ignored it. I had too, because if I didn’t, I’d hesitate. And if I hesitated for even a second, for even a moment, I didn’t know if I’d be able to get back up. If I stopped here, it’d cost me everything. Of all things, that, I knew.

So I continued, leaping forwards and pulling myself along, the houses around me a blur. It was difficult to swing through residential areas, the lack of higher buildings slowing me down. Constantly landing and jumping was tiring me out, and at every second feeling as though I was barely moving, as if in some twisted nightmare, had started to do a number on my mind. I needed a way to move faster, but there wasn’t one. I pulled and jumped and pulled, nearing home as my dread grew. My eyes scanned my surroundings, picking up any and all movements, my brain on high alert. But the negative thoughts still dominated my mind.

I shook my head, trying to dispel them.

“Come on. Happy thoughts Pete, happy thoughts” I mumbled.

Aunt May and MJ would be ok. I’d be able to eat breakfast with them again. They’d be able to poke fun at how silly the small amount of stubble I could grow was. I’d get to celebrate MJ’s birthday in two days time. I’d be able to visit Grandpa Will with Aunt May when all of this was done. I’d be at MJ’s birth. I’d get to be the perfect non-blood related uncle ever. I’d do everything I was supposed to do with them. I’d get there and save the day, because that’s what Spider-Man did. They’d live to see tomorrow. All of them would live.

A roar rang out, carrying a familiar metal twang. My heart thudded loudly in my chest, and time seemed to slow. A Clone. Where?! I launched myself higher into the air and my senses sharpened as I focused, spinning around in a quick circle as I scanned the block. There. In the park. I’d barely seen a glimpse of it between the trees, but the way the sun glinted off a patch of green was enough to throw my body into overdrive.

As I fell, I fired out a web and pulled myself through the air. I grabbed a hold of a streetlight and spun around it twice before launching myself upwards with a new burst of momentum. I flew, eyes focused on the ground beneath the trees. I spotted a glimpse of metallic green again. I fired my webs instantly, accounting for the direction and speed of the clone as it raced through the park. I felt my webs latch onto something, and I yanked it upwards. The clone screeched, crying out as it flew up into the air. I shot past it as it clawed at me and fired bursts of web at it trapping it in a cocoon as it’s upwards trajectory slowed. It cried out, and then exploded in a ball of fire. I felt a wave of relief wash over me before I crashed into the trees, the branches poking and stabbing at me as I fell through them and finally came to a stop on the floor.

I breathed heavily for a seconds, catching my breath. That was it. I’d stopped it before it’d gotten anywhere close to home. It’d been going a really roundabout route, a bit out of the way, but definitely in the right direction. Did it not know the normal route? Why was that? Maybe its memories weren’t completely concrete? They were clones after all. It didn’t matter, I could think about it later. I stood up, my body aching as I dusted myself off. Now I could go back, find out how this mess had started, and figure out how to end it. I just needed to find out wherever the hell the clones were and pray the Bears didn’t have more. I already had a good idea of where they could be based on how quickly the clone had gotten to Brooklyn compared to the one here. They couldn’t be too far from my base.

Suddenly my spider-sense buzzed and I flipped, dodging out the way as a mechanical tail cut through the air. I landed and spun just in time to see a clone racing towards me. The mixture of shock and my injuries slowed me down, and I stumbled, failing to dodge. The clone stabbed it’s claws into my arm and I gasped, kicking it away hard before I fell to the floor, slumping against a tree as I clutched the wound. Shit.

Suddenly an explosion shook the ground, the force knocking me back. I slammed into a tree and crashed to the floor. I looked up, eyes wide as I stared at the smoking crater in front of me. Oh no. I’d kicked the Clone too hard in my panic. Had anyone been in the park? This was close to a highschool, what time was it? Shit! Before I could even think about anything else, my spider sense blared again and I dived out the way, dodging as a clone lunged at me from above. It slammed to the floor but flipped up quickly and immediately bull rushed me, swinging wildly. I dodged rapidly from it’s frenzied attacks, then tripped it up and pulled myself away quickly.

What the hell was going on?! Three clones in the same space. Shit! What did that mean for everyone else?! Don’t tell me there were more clones coming after them. That was just supposed be a stupid negative thought. I wasn’t supposed to actually worry about it. Shit. What did I do? Was there even anything I could do? I looked around frantically, sparing a glance behind me at the crater. If I’d gotten here later that could’ve been a street. I was too injured to deal with the clone properly. It was dangerous. I needed to keep it in the park. I took a step forward but fell to one knee feeling dizzy. Dammit! The venom was messing with my senses. I’d toughed it out on the way here, but now it was overwhelming me. So much for spider physiology. What kind of venom even was it? I heard the screech of the clone as I fell to the floor, the world spinning. My senses dulled as everything grew further away.

“Dammit! Get up!” I cursed, my words slurring. I forced myself to stand as my body trembled. I still couldn’t see properly, but I didn’t need to see. I sensed outwards, feeling the space with my extreme awareness. There. I fired a web, taking off after the clone as I pulled myself above the trees. It was ignoring me and heading for the street, towards home. I fired a web latching onto it’s tail and pulled it back, slowing it down. Before I could fling it high into the air, it cut the web and lunged at me through the trees. Crap. I threw myself towards the floor, but I was too late. It snagged part of my costume and pulled me back, slamming me into a tree.

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“Pathetic. You’re not even worth my time” he snarled in my face, gripping me tightly before launching me through the air. I flailed; the sense of freedom gone as I shot through the air in dizzying, uncontrolled arc. before Then I slammed against something and crashed to the ground. My head laid against the cold hard asphalt as my ears rung. Asphalt? Shit I was in the street. I could hear screams, cries of fear from civilians. I pushed myself to my feet, looking around at the chaos, dazed.

I needed to call for help. This was way too much. I couldn’t deal with this. Where was my phone? Oh right, it was broken. I’d need to borrow someone else’s call the MDA or something. Suddenly the car next to me was crushed as the clone slammed to the ground. It tried to leap again, but I fired a web and pulled It off the car. It stumbled and fell. I dived crashing into it, and we rolled before stopping, the clone atop me. Crap. It hit me, and I reeled, but I took the chance to grab it, and hold.

“Dammit! Stop fucking around!” it exclaimed breaking my grip easily. It pulled back it’s claws ready to strike.

It brought it’s hand down and I caught the gauntlet, my definitely broken arms protesting in pain as I held it back. Then the clone’s tail whipped around, locking onto me and shooting downwards. Time slowed and my body reacted instinctively. I roared, and with an inhuman strength and speed, pulled my fist back and struck it hard in the face. The clone’s helmet imploded as it flew upwards into the sky. The sounds of everything around me came to a stop as the realisation of what I’d just done hit me.

“GET DOWN!” I cried out. Then, the sky above ruptured, enveloped in a flicker of fire and everything went white.

-

I opened my eyes, blinking for a few seconds as I looked around. I was blanketed by darkness, the dim flicker of light surrounding me, and the feeling of fine dust against my tongue. I was trapped under rubble. Fear rose in my chest, and I was instantly transported to two years ago. I strained against it, but the weight on my back remained steadfast, refusing to budge despite my strength. I gasped, my face growing hot as the panic rose further.

“H-help! Someone help!” I coughed. I was only met with the distant sound of shouts, and sirens.

I closed my eyes muttering to myself as I tried to ignore the weight crushing down on me, enclosing me in this cramped space. My breaths became short, sharp and fast. But it felt like I got less oxygen with every gasp.

“Oh God” I mumbled. “Help! Help! Dammit!”

Nothing. There wasn’t anyone here this time, no Lucas to rescue me from the wreck. I was alone. And it was my own fault.

The low buzz of my spider sense rolled in as I struggled uselessly against the creaking mass of rubble. Desperation began to overwhelm me. I craned my neck to look around, but struggled, unable to move my arms and torso. The effort only served to panic me more. I needed to get out. I needed to get out now. With a desperate cry I strained against the rubble hearing it creak against my strength as I pressed upwards, trying to stand. I held, pushing against the weight with as much effort as I could muster, but it wasn’t enough. Maybe I was too tired, too injured, or my fear had weakened me, either way, my legs gave out.

I held myself there for a few seconds, my breathing growing ragged as my eyes began to water. I shifted my legs crying out as I writhed in my own growing discomfort. Then all together the panic and fear were overcome by despair. I hung my head, watching as the little light that was available illuminated blood as it dripped off my face, and onto the debris beneath me.

It was over. I was trapped here whilst the Bears got away with whatever the hell they were doing, and my loved ones were out there possibly still being hunted by killer clones. Harry was probably dead. And all over the city people needed my help but I wasn’t there. I was trapped under a ton of rubble, uselessly panicking. Just like two years ago when Gwen had died. It was the same thing all over again. I hadn’t made a difference then, and I wasn’t making a difference now.

My face twisted in a mixture of sadness, anger and resentment at the world. The Bugle was right. I’d actively made things worse. Hundreds of people had died today. Because of me. Death had always followed me everywhere, and today I’d brought it across New York. My tears fell to the floor as I let my body go limp. It was stupid to ever think I’d be able to hold up my end of the promise. Stupid to believe that I could ever make a difference, even as Spider-Man. New York didn’t need me, anyway. It had the MDA, and most of the big metahumans had been put away in the Hortz-Bruig.

The clone in the subway had been right. I was pathetic. I’d barely been holding things together, and tonight had been enough to unravel it all. In a single moment of weakness created by my own stupidity, I’d broken my promise. Spider-Man was supposed to be for everybody. That’s what I’d told myself, right? But I’d run around the city, trying to save only the people I cared about as I left others in need behind. This must’ve been some kind of divine punishment. Being trapped, unable to save anybody as I heard the cries of the people I’d abandoned. Retribution for breaking the very foundation I’d built my hero persona on. Someone, somewhere was laughing at me, enjoying my suffering. And I deserved it.

Blood continued dripping down my face as I gasped for air. My throat felt dry my lips cracked and burned, my skin raw and my entire body ached with pain. For a moment I was painfully aware of my body, it’s state overwhelmingly present in my mind. I could feel the weigh against my back, the bruises all over. The blood seeping from the stab wound to my side. My eyes began to adjust to the darkness, barely able to make out colours among the shapes. Lazily, they scanned over my surroundings, staring at the rubble, dust, debris and blood before finally stopping on the mask. It lay on top of brick in tatters as the wide lenses reflecting my beaten face back at me.

But my face wasn’t what I was looking at. I was looking at my eyes. They were broken, devoid of any spirit. As if I’d already died.

I looked away in shame. Was that really me? No, it couldn’t be. I looked like I’d given up. Like I’d lost all hope. I couldn’t just give up this easily. Sure, it looked hopeless, but what if there was still a chance? What if my family was still alive? What if it wasn’t too late?

I felt a burst of emotion rise through my chest, a mix of determination and hope. Even if it killed me, I had to have hope. I had to believe I could still save my family. I needed to believe I could save everyone. I had to believe I could be the hero everyone needed, even if I wasn’t. Even if It was stupid to think I could hold up my end of the promise, I had to try. Even when I failed, I had to keep trying. How had a nearly forgotten that? How had I nearly forgotten what had made me.

I clenched my fists, trying to pull my arms out from under the rubble. I couldn’t let this be the end of me, or the end of Spider-Man. I couldn’t give up. If there were people out there who needed help, I could still save them. Family included.

So I pushed. I pushed upwards against the weight of the rubble, and I lifted. I cried out, my body shaking with effort as I raised the embodiment of all my doubt insecurity. But this time my legs held, the stone creaked and then lifted of the ground. I adjusted my footing, pushing harder until I could force my feet underneath my body. I lifted, removing my hands off the ground, and placing them underneath the weight I was carrying. I rose, the weight against my back growing easier to lift with every second. Then I pushed it off me, and dived forwards, towards the newfound light.