Chapter 8

Clown at a funeral

So you know how sometimes someone dies and you can’t help but laugh. Like when my dad passed away. I guess you can say I find tragedy funny. Not all tragedy just the really stupid kind. It’s all just so stupid. It’s so ridiculous I can’t help but laugh at it all.

I mean come on! Dude loses his girl then goes full retard on a guy that wont even fight back. How is that not funny? It’s absolutely hilarious. Especially the kid over there who looks like he’s been walking around his whole life with shit in his pants.

My family thought I was a monster for laughing at my dad's funeral. At least that's how it felt when there eyes all landed on me. Not everyone was silent. Some were very vocal about it. Including my little brother and big sister.

My dad died not from his crappie liver or an over dose but a fucking truck! What… the fuck. He wasn’t even saving a kid or something. The dude was drunk off his ass and was dancing in the rain to foot lose. He died like a jackass. I miss him.

Mom…. Mom never treated me the same. She was a bit more distant. That was up until one day she kind of snapped and started beating me. Calling me the devils child. Which was strange considering she was never religious. I guess after dad’s passing she found God. It tends to go that way when you can't really hold yourself together. I guess I was just happy she had something to keep her whole. Even if it turned her into my tormentor.

“You… what’s so funny!” Boner took a step towards me. I couldn't stop laughing. “You little shit!” He rushed me.

Rosy yelled “Stop, she’s just a kid! We need her alive!” Boner swung his first but it didn't hit me, instead it slammed into the wall next to me making a big hole. I was no longer laughing. It scared me a little but I also knew it wouldn't connect. My high perception told me it would only pass the side of my head.

Actually, his punch was kind of slow. I saw it coming a mile away but even though you know your watching a scary movie and there’s a jump scare around the corner. You still jump when it happens or at least I do. In my opinion jump scares don’t make a movie scary. It’s just fake bullshit.

Boner while angry knew he couldn't actually hit me. I decided to take his hissy fit as a declaration of war. I had bad memories of my dad punching walls whenever he got mad. Mostly due to the fact he would make me help him fix them. Then he would act as if he was teaching me a lesson on how to put up drywall. When all I could think about was is my dad some kind of super hero.

He could punch through walls. To me that was a sign of super strength. That led me to believe I might have super powers so I tried to jump off the roof thinking I could fly cause it sure as hell wasn’t super strength. I didn’t hurt myself. Not even a scratch. My dad saw me up their wearing my superman cape and put one and two together. He actually dropped his beer and ran about forty feet just to snatch me out of the air. Which only proved the super hero theory. The fact that he dropped his beer was proof of my dad’s love for me. I’ve never seen him without a can of booze in his hand. Now that I think about it my dad might have been a villain.

Boner was trying to scare me into compliance. He seemed to think I’d just fall in order just because he could fist a wall. To assert dominance I stepped forward and sent a right jab directly at his conveniently eye level junk. I know I said punching someone’s balls was a gamble but in this situation it was fine, seeing as Boner wasn't allowed to hurt me. I also fond it funny because it’ll piss him off. It’ll be the equivalent of trying to scratch that one spot in the middle of your back, but not being able to reach. He couldn’t touch me and that was exploitable.

As my fist connected with something soft. I yelled out “Stranger danger!” Then did my best murder witness scream. I gotta say it was so good. I decided to fall into Aku’s personality and mess with these losers.

Boner cried out in pain and dropped to his knees. “You little shit.” His voice was a low grunt.

I stood there with a pretend expression of fear. Holding my left hand up to my mouth with my right hand awkwardly extended in the same position from when I crushed his jewels. I even made sure to quiver for effect.

Boner tried to reach for me but I took a fearful step back pulling my arm to my chest. He tried again. “Hold still!” I ran out of the way then hid behind the wolf girl.

Why the wolf girl? I wanted to get a better look at her tail maybe even touch it. So I did. I held onto her tail like I was hugging Snowball. The best part was she didn’t freak out. It was so soft. Shadow’s tail was softer but hers was so fluffy. There was so much of it!

Its like she took her over grown ass crack hair and tied them off into a ponytail. Then dipped them into a concoction of vitamin E oil and conditioner.

You could tell she brushed it regularly. I really, REALLY wanted to nuzzle against it but then she might suspect I wasn’t actually a child and think I was some kind of pervert. I’m no pervert…… Okay fine, maybe a little but I — unlike uncle Mantis — have self control. I even came with a built in filter. That's right no matter what deprived logic you hear come out my mouth. I can guarantee there's at least eight other things I won't say allowed.

To seal the deal I had to play the damsel in distress. “Help he’s trying to hurt me!” The girl looked confused. She glanced at Rosy who shrugged her shoulders. I had no idea if it would work, but come on! Who wouldn't melt at Aku’s call for help. And as expected It actually had the intended result. As if finding new resolve Shade lifted her plasma gun up and kept it pointed at Boner. Rosy did the same with her crossbow. I was elated.

Had my charm actually worked on them? It straight up turned them against Boner. Well, he was a bit of an asshole, but he had the right to be. His girlfriend was dead. I’d be pretty pissed off if my girlfriend died in a bullshit rape fantasy. Still Shade was already pointing a gun at him. It probably didn't take much convincing.

Wait, what am I talking about. She’s protecting me because she needs me as a hostage! Oh, no! have I accidentally “princess peached” myself! Did that make Shadow my Mario? Mao would probably fit the role better. Well, that game has a lot of mushrooms so maybe Fish. Actually I don't want to be saved by Fish. There’s also Eco, he has a cooler character. Except it wouldn't be a Mario game anymore. That would be more like the movie Taken. Maybe this was a Zelda game situation? I’d better stop before we get sued for copyright.

Boner looked toward her unsure on what she was doing. “That's no fucking kid! She's a god dam psychopath!” He slowly got to his feet. His legs were a bit shaky.

Shade kept her gun up. “You’re the one acting like a monster. King is almost dead. I don't even think he can drink a health potion anymore.” She was right.

I looked to 23 and could see how broken his face was. His mask somehow made it up to his forehead. Right now he might just drown in his own blood. His jaw was dislocated maybe even broken. There were a lot of teeth missing. I could see his tongue. Not just the little bit that you can stick out your mouth but the part that goes down your throat. It was kind of cool. Like a horror movie but real.

His health was dropping at a decent pace. Either it was the blood loss, or he was suffocating. Should I save this guy. He tried to capture me. I'm not responsible for what Boner did to him. I could hear the zombie ninja. gurgling. Let's see if these guys can save him, otherwise I might have to stop playing innocent Aku and jump into priestess mode. As little Aku I might be able to use my charm to create some serious chaos.

“We don't even have potions. The last one was on Lina when she…. Look! King is useless anyway! He was to afraid to fight! This world is literal hell! I was doing him a favor!” Boner’s rationalization was more for himself than anyone else. It was interesting to see a grown man lose his sanity in real time.

Shade shook with frustration. “What about Austin! He's weak! You gonna kill him to!” her words seemed to throw Boner into a rage. A look of fear grew on Austin's face and he took a step back. That kid was so quiet I’d forgotten he was here.

“Of course not! He's my brother I’ll keep him safe. King! King had no one! He was gonna die either way!” Boner only fed the flames inside Shade.

“He has us! We are his family!” She started to cry. “He is our family and you tried to kill him!” this was getting good. Maybe there acting wasn’t so bad. I wonder when there gonna heal 23. That dude was suffering. Still you had to appreciate the commitment. I wonder if I could join in, I’d be so good at it. I could totally steal the show. This was my chance.

I made my way out of Shade’s shadow and stepped forward. “Boner, I’m pregnant! And the baby is yours!” I must of done something wrong because everyone looked at me like I was crazy. I swear I've been getting that look all day today. I'm not crazy. I'm just antisocial.

When I was a kid I used to watch novellas a lot. At first I didn't really like them but my mom insisted on having them on all day. After a while I started to enjoy the drama.

Shade put her gun down. “What's wrong with this kid?” Boner quickly chimed in with “I know right! That's what I've been trying to tell you!” Rosy looked on, unsure of the situation.

23 tried to speak. “graa graa graa graa.” It didn't make any sense but that was okay. The guy gets an “A” for effort.

System translation:

Grand_king23: That kids no kid. Also can you guys stop dicking around and buy me a potion. This fucking hurts.

Well that explained that. Sometimes the system could be very helpful. I didn't know what to do. Should I start stabbing? I’d need to pull out my holy dagger. I was starting to get nervous with all these eyes on me. My body shifted back and forth on my feet. Focus…. Focus…. Hold it. “Before you guys jump me let me tell you something.” I turned to Shade. “If you fire that plasma gun In this small space. You'll end up killing everyone.” Shade paused for a second. Then inspected her gun and realized what I meant. Most likely reading the range on the weapon. She got all flustered and almost dropped the aforementioned high tech grenade launcher. Her ears did a dip and her tail shifted back and forth rapidly. It was cute.

A moment later she put the weapon away and swapped it for the frequency rifle on her back. I felt better now. I wonder if she ever used the plasma gun before. It must have been a new addition to her arsenal. Her weapon must have been crazy expensive to have gotten them out here in entropy. Maybe someone else had it. I doubt this group could have afforded it. So then where did it come from. The only tech affinity country close to Entropy is Brah and their way out in the ocean. Its not important. Not right now at least.

I felt kind of bad about what happened to 23 so I opened my menu and fished out a full potion from my inventory. I walked over to him. No one stopped me. Shade kept her rifle on me. it seemed that was all she was good for.

I uncorked the potion then Spilled its contents directly onto 23s lovely face. I watched as bone and flesh nit itself back together. It was so freaky but so cool. Cool like watching a demolition video in reverse. Creepy like finding a decaying dead body in your backyard.

A moment later he sat up and looked at me. A lot of my actions tonight brought that same look of confusion. That feeling of just not knowing how to react. I smiled brightly exuding my boosted charm like rays of morning sunlight. Maybe now we can all become good friends. With the power of anime and friendship we can do anything.

“Why did you save him?” asked Boner. I stood up straight dusting off my skirt then sent my smile his way. “I wasn’t done playing with him.” I let out a giggle except it sounded way more ominous than I was expecting. I was only joking but everyone seemed to take it the wrong way. How scary could a short nine year old be?

Shade fired her gun. I saw the moment her body tensed to fire and jumped just when the shot went off. I moved over everyone’s head landing behind Shade. Then performed the first martial art in my hot bar.

“Sweep.” Crouching down I swept both of Shades legs. My leg glowed a vibrant jade and sent a wave of green energy out In a sweep like motion. Shade had only just turned around and was only just now getting ready to fire another shot, when she found herself falling sideways. She fired a shot but it wasn’t even close to hitting me.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

Her class was ranger. They were a very broad Type of long range fighter. That meant they could use all types of long range weapons with no penalty to there skills or abilities.

Sweep was a grate skill for PVP. Not only could it cancel someone’s ability but it also left them stunned for a few seconds. It wasn’t heavy on damage and was more of a counter ability. If you had an ability about to go off and were hit with sweep, then not only would you fall on your ass but you'd also have that ability explode in your face, causing you to take about a fifth of the damage.

Since Shade hadn’t been about to use an ability. She didn't take any damage aside from the fall.

Boner drew his Gladius sword and came at me. I could see the exact movements of his body. He didn't really know how to swing a blade. I didn't either but It felt more like he was trying to swing a bat. The edge wasn't even lined up properly with the swing. At best he might clip me but he wouldn’t get a clean cut.

I ducked under his weapon then sent a jab into his gut. I had to bounce on my feet to get the reach I needed but it was all worth it when He grunted in pain. I was holding back a lot. Last thing I wanted was to punch a hole through him. I thought I might need to kill but these guys won't be able to touch me. Not with their level of speed.

Boner’s class was dualist. He was on track to unlocking the warrior class. The warrior class was unlocked by paying for both shield and sword based skills. When it came to paying for the skills you needed to level up your mastery with a weapon. That got you points to spend. It was the same for the mage class but instead of leveling weapons you leveled different types of magic.

I made sure to keep Boner between me and Shade. This way I won't have to deal with her constant shots. Every time I avoided Boner's sword I landed one or two punches to his torso. I could go for the balls again but that was to dishonorable and I’d already done that. It didn’t even bring his health down.

Boner activated the dualist skill clockwise. His blade glowed a deep blue as he spun around. The energy splashed outward like a wave. I avoided it by jumping up and landing on his face. Then used That said face like a spring board launching myself up onto the roof.

Right as I jumped off of Boner. The girls both fired off a shot. A burst of kinetic energy erupted out of Shades rifle while Rosy activated an ability called stun shot. Stun shot did what it sounded like. Her crossbow fired off an electrically charged arrow that would stun me for a few seconds. They both missed especially Rosy. Her shot almost hit Boner. That made me wonder who she was aiming at.

Rosy had the hunter class. That class was specific for hunting down single targets. It was pretty useful for hunting rare types of monsters including abnormal mobs with special traits. Like a silver dire wolf, or abnormal pets like the azure Phoenix. Even players.

As soon as I landed on the roof I activated stealth then power skipped forward a few feet, came to a stop. Then turned on my heel and started a spell suspending its release. Once suspended it had little to no color or light.

The roof was slanted. The highest point was in the middle. That made it kind of hard to fight. I had the higher ground giving me better reach.

They sent their scout after me. 23 landed in front of me in full stealth. The shimmer of his stealth gave him away. That and the sound of him landing on the hard stone tiles. This group was no good. They were all bad at there roles. So far it seemed like Shade was the only one that could actually use her weapon and even then she had the grate idea to try and use a plasma gun in such a confined space.

Rosie’s aim wasn’t terrible but she hesitated to much. She looked way to tense to have good aim with a crossbow.

I directed my spell at 23 breaking my own stealth. “Manna bolt!” a blast of pure magic flew out of my hand hitting the mall ninja in the chest and sending him back into the alley. He let out a pained grunt when it hit. As he fell his stealth broke revealing his startled face. The man let out another grunt once he hit the concrete.

The spell only had the bare minimum amount of power to function. That made it none lethal. I found that once I activated the spell in the hot bar, I could control the amount of power I put into it. The feeling of something pulling from deep inside me. I was finally starting to get control of it.

23’s class was assassin. Nothing crazy. Just like Shadow’s. It was a basic class but did what it was supposed to.

With him taken care of I waited for the next one to show up. Surely enough Boner was the one to show his face. He was the party tank after all. He should have been the first to come after me. That way 23 could sneak around and get me from behind. Bunch of amateurs. I wonder what Austin did in the party. Something told me he was more of an escort. Not like a top dollar high class hooker but like one of those NPC escort missions. Those were always a pain.

Boner pulled out two potions. One glowed a molten red. Kind of like a lava lamp. The other was a light glassy blue. It was almost violet.

The red potion was a potion of strength. It was one of the weaker ones. It only gave a 0.01 boost to your strength ratio. The other was a swift potion. It was also of the weaker versions only adding a 0.01 to your dexterity ratio. They both lasted about five minutes.

He held the potions up to his mouth then uncorked them by biting down and pulling. Spitting the corks out he downed them both like he was double fisting beer. I wanted so badly to just pull my gun out and shoot him. It would be so funny.

Could you imagine. A powerful Gladiator worrier rushing into battle and immediately getting owned by a kid with a hand gun. That would be hilarious. Especially with Boner's build up. It would be so anticlimactic. I didn't want to be a douchebag so I didn't go for it. Not to mention my aim still wasn't that great. I could fire off magic but that wouldn't have the same comedic effect as a gun shot to the knee.

Boner held his sword out in his right hand. Then started to cast a buff on it with his left hand. “Curse of slaughter!” his blade went from a shiny silver to a molten red.

I know that buff. I’ve used it as a berserker. It gave a 5% boost to landing critical hits and brought up critical hit damage by 10%. If you had the right gear the buff made a huge difference. It also made your weapon look pretty badass.

I wonder how crit boosts worked in the new world? It probably made your weapon extra sharp. Combine them with damage boosts and I bet your blade could cut through stone.

I wish I had a sword. It would be so much fun to get in a genuine sword fight. Well that’ll have to wait. Right now I had to spank a monkey and no, I was not talking about my dick or any dick for that matter.

I ripped two stone tiles from the roof and tossed them hard as shit at Boner. Boner let out a battle cry as he dashed forward like a Spartan warrior. He lifted his shield blocking my ninja throwing tiles. The tiles erupted into dust almost knocking Boner over. Boner was not perturbed as he activated another dualist ability. “slash!” his blade lashed out in a molten blue. I jumped back avoiding the molts of light.

Boner continued his assault activating another ability. “Comet!” his sword erupted in an icy white and he thrust it forward. I side stepped it dashing forward and landing a slightly harder punch to his side. He grunted spit flying out of his mouth. I jumped away gaining distance landing at the highest point of the roof.

My eyes caught the glimmer of something in the distance. One green the other was just a distortion of night. I jumped into the air moving backwards in a beautiful backflip. The shots hit where I had just been and I landed on the other half of the roof. Because of the slant in the middle they couldn’t see me from where they were shooting. Boner got back up to pursue me.

As far as back flips went, mine was rather elegant. I hadn’t done one since I was a kid playing on my cousin’s trampoline. I had the jump height for it and my dexterity was so high that my sense of balance kept me from landing on my head or falling over and rolling off the roof.

Boner was breathing hard and was covered in sweat. 23 was at his side holding a black bowie knife. Rosy and Shade were parallel to us. Each one on a different roof across the street from where we were fighting. The buildings they were on were slightly higher than ours. They were also on the highest point ensuring that they'd always have me in there sights. Their weapons were pointed at me.

This fight was over. It was so much fun exploring what I could do with this body but I think I’ve figured out the limits of my abilities. I've even managed to fine tune My new fighting style.

The only thing I was missing was a sword. As long as I don't get hit I'll be fine. I was gonna become a dodge tank. It seemed to work against these guys but I was still wondering what it would be like to fight a high level player.

It was time to figure out what these guys actually wanted. I put my hands behind my head. “So… tell me, why are you after me?” All of them looked ready to attack.

Like always Boner was the first to speak. “Your guild owns everything, all the money and resources. It’s your fault no one has anything! Your hoarding all the food and shelter. Meanwhile people like us have to risk our lives just for scraps! Your guild doesn’t deserve any of it!” So in other words. My guild was being targeted by socialists. I don’t know how I feel about that.

Socialism doesn’t work on a large scale like Entropy. Usually if you had a farm its fine but when you try to implement it in a large society it falls apart.

No one is gonna want to be a janitor or work in the sewers when they can just sit at home and do nothing. Unless you invent replicators its impossible to actually implement it into a country.

“That’s crazy. I’m not hoarding all the food. I still have to pay for it.” These guys just didn’t want to work for stuff.

“You get the taxes from the NPCs. You don’t have to work for anything!” this time it was Shade. I don’t think she was trying to yell at me. It’s more like she was to far away and didn’t think I would hear.

“Well, it did take me and my guild like nine years to develop this country. That was with the time dilation speeding up the progress. I took all the risk I should get the reward for it. If this country goes down then I’m the one that’ll lose everything." I spent hours working on this place. So many sleepless nights. Was it really so selfish for me to finally experience the fruits of my labor.

“But you have so much money! Why can’t you give it to the other players. It won’t hurt you!” Rosy was the one to speak up.

“Fuck you that’s why!” Shade fired a shot at me. I avoided it with a simple side step. “Alright, alright. Its because I worked for it. Because it’s proof of my hard work. It’s not hard to make money in this world. Kill a few beasts in the forest. Go after the weaker ones and even if you only kill ten you’ll still have the equivalent of five-hundred US dollars. As long as you sell the items that is. It’s not hard. That’s like a weeks salary right there in one day. Do it enough times and you’ll level up. Gather better gear enchant it. Invest in your power and eventually you’ll be making the equivalent of thousands a day.” It was the truth. NPC crafters will pay top dollar for monster loot. It’s how they make there money. It’s all about supply and demand.

Boner took the mic “What if we don’t want to risk our lives! What if there’s no other work than fighting monsters!” He shook in anger. I could tell he really wanted to hit me. I suppose fighting monsters wasn’t fun for everyone. I’m not even sure if I would enjoy it. So far I’ve enjoyed fighting. Wouldn’t hunting mobs be even more fun.

The relationship players had with the economy was what held everything together. Sure there were a few adventurer NPCs but they weren’t big risk takers. There levels hardly ever went up. They usually only fought one to two mob per day. Just enough to pay for their food and booze. They might even save a little money for better gear in the future. Players changed that though. Just think of the vast amounts of items flooding the market. Tons upon tons of different types of monster meat and herbs. All from the players. There was no other jobs for them because they were taken by the NPCs I created.

Players could only have one job. I mean I even had jobless homeless people. Sooooo… how do I create jobs for players? I could create the structures and hire players to run them. Then again it would be more efficient to summon an NPC that actually knew what they were doing.

Who the hell wanted to pay some entitled lady to way tables when I can summon a beautiful maid girl to do it with far better skill and less of an attitude. So why bother. Because it was the right thing to do? No, there’s no such thing as the right thing. So far I’ve been operating in a gray area. I guess I feel a little sorry for them. When did this become my responsibility. The weight of everything seemed to make itself present. I felt it about to crush me.

Not now. Not yet. Just hold on a little longer. Focus… push it all into the hole. Get the job done. Leave it all for later. Just do something.

Having a place for players in my society isn’t a bad thing. In fact it can be very beneficial. If I give them jobs they’ll feel more obligated to protect this city. I can give them a place in society and they’ll fight to protect it. It’s a security measure really. I can make it work. I just need to make it work.

I wanted to think it out more but a shot from Shade's rifle came hurtling towards me. I side stepped it and it took out a decent chunk of the roof.

She readjusted her aim and was ready for another shot. “Alright, I get it. You guys need a place in society. Then fine, tomorrow morning show up at my place. It’s the big castle in the middle of the city. We’ll eat breakfast and you can join my guild. Sound good?” I watched as the expressions on there faces went from angry to surprise. Everyone but Shade that is.

Shade shot another round. I avoided it again. “You don’t get it, we’re going to free the country from your—” She didn’t get to finish. I used a full power jump to close the distance between us. The roof I jumped from exploded sending tiles flying onto the street below and up over the building where Rosy was positioned. Everyone let out a terrified scream at the insane display of power. My landing caused the tiles to brake. I’m surprised the force behind my landing hadn’t cause the roof to explode. Somehow it was like I could control the air around my body softening the impact. That seemed like another trick I’d have to master. I was face to face with Shade. My hand was gripping the barrel of her rifle. She tried to pull it out of my hand but I held it firm. Her face held true terror. Her body quivered like a scared pup.

I could hear the sounds of her team mates freaking out. In a low threatening voice I said “Do you know what they call me.” She shook her head. “They call me the ripper. You rip up one to many bodies and this is how they treat you." I could see tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She let out a whimper. “You take my country and what, rule over this place yourself. Your just replacing one tyrant with another. Let’s end it. How about it? Let’s make a country where players and NPCs can do whatever they want.” As far as intimidating voices go. Mine wasn’t bad. It didn’t come off as fake. I still sounded like a child but there was real killing intent in my words. It’s been a while since I was able to intimidate someone with my words.

These people. They didn’t care about other players. All they wanted was power without work. Who cares if you have to flip the pyramid around and let the sides cascade into a hill of dead bodies and broken minds. As long as there on top of all the ruined lives it does not matter.

She released her gun. Her voice had so much dread behind it. “Okay.” That was all I needed.

I looked to the others. “You heard her right? She agreed. So do you all submit?” Boner sheathed his blade. 23 sat on the roof letting out a sigh. Rosy lowered her crossbow.

“Good. Now then, like I said meet me at my place. Around eight in the morning. We’ll talk then you bunch of hypocrites.” I Hopped to the next building so I wouldn’t hurt Shade with my next power jump. I turned towards Cindy’s smithy and did a full powered skip. The roof tiles under me erupted as I put all my strength into them.

I’ve deduced that my body actually can handle my power. I wonder if that means my body is denser than a normal humans. If so does that mean I already have some kind of defense? With my full powered jump I managed to hop over a hundred feet. To the ex-socialists it would have appeared like I vanished in a puff of air and dust. Within a few power skips. I made it to my destination.