Izzy has been living with me for six days now. It’s been nice not being home alone all the time.

Ever since my brother Mickey was sent to that boot camp I’ve been eating alone, watching TV alone. It’s just been me in this big empty house. Not much of a family really.

Is this what Izzy is afraid of? It’s not exactly the same thing. I guess I can understand wanting to keep your family together under the same roof.

The cops haven't shown up. Not at my house or Izzy’s. That lady must be scared. Good, she deserves far worse.

Izzy says his mother used to be really nice. That she was like any other mother. It’s hard to believe when you see what she does to him.

He also said he needed to leave today. I don’t know how he’s going to explain his escape to his mother but he says he’s run away before and that his mom usually treats him better when ever he leaves.

Honestly, I don’t know what to do. I want to help him. I want to call the cops, but if I do that then he’ll be really mad at me. Apparently his mom is actually really nice most of the time.

So what, once every full moon she beats him half to death! If I hadn't intervened, Izzy might of died. Maybe not right away but soon.

His wounds were infected and he was somewhat malnourished. I only just got his fever to go down.

I couldn't tell before because Izzy had been trapped in that freezing room. He never said a thing.

I only figured it out when his cheeks weren’t going back to there normal pale color. He’s just lucky I had some antibiotics laying around.

I knew a place that sold imported penicillin but it didn't have the same stopping power as Amoxicillin.

Izzy is a lot better now and his apatite seems to only be growing. He’ll eat me out of a house soon. Still… I can’t send him back there.

Apparently she only ever punishes him whenever he annoys her or if she’s in the mood.

His — to my surprise — “little brother” doesn’t know. Izzy even goes out of his way to stay quite while his mom…… for lack of a better term…. hurts him.

This is all wrong. I sometimes think I shouldn’t have gotten involved, but at the same time I wish I’d known sooner.

Right now I had Izzy sitting cross-legged on the floor. He was being his usual emo self. That was okay though. It wouldn’t be Izzy any other way.

“Remind me again why I’m sitting here?” he was fidgeting nervously. He probably thought I was gonna play a trick on him.

I got on my knees behind him setting down a bag next to us. “I say we do something about your hair.” I ran my right hand through it.

It was a little greasy and I could tell there had never been a comb near it. I almost felt sorry for it. I couldn’t imagine treating my hair like that.

Izzy tried to get away but I hugged him and pulled his scrawny ass back to his seat. He fought a little but let out a whimper of pain when I accidentally pressed down on one of his wounds.

“Let me go!” he struggled. “I don’t want you touching my hair! It’s fine how it is.”

I adjusted my hug only to accidentally press down on another wound. He stopped struggling after that.

“I just want to trim it a little! Come on Izzy. I won’t change it to much I swear.” He tried to get away, but only ended up hurting himself again.

“Alice, no! Your not cutting my hair!” He took hold of my arms and tried to pry them off his midsection.

“Fine I won’t cut it! Let me comb it a little!” I was being over powered. How is that even possible!

That was until he hurt himself yet again. “Ah! Shit!” Izzy crumpled back into my arms.

“Are you okay? I told you not to move to much.” I pulled away. “Dummy.”

“I told you I don’t like being touched.” He hugged his knees and used his hair to hide his face.

“I'm your friend. You can trust me. Besides your hair is super messy. It’ll be a lot of fun to play with.” He wouldn’t come out of his shell.

During these few days we actually started growing closer. On one hand it made me happy. On the other it meant I’d be more worried about him in the future.

He mumbled “Okay, okay….. but don’t do anything strange.” Permission? My eyes went wide. Yes!

I did a little fist pump in excitement. If Izzy had seen me he would of ran away. Luckily, he was facing away from me.

“Let me straiten it for you. It should be twice as long when I'm done.” He let out an annoyed grunt so I threw in an “It’ll be better for hiding.” He shut up after that.

I pulled out a straightener then plugged it into the wall outlet. While that heated up I started to brush Izzy’s hair.

My brush kept getting stuck in his knots but eventually I was able to mostly smooth it out. I then ran a comb through the ends to get all the knots out.

Already his hair had gotten longer. It was actually kind of nice. I decided not to mention it. It’s rare that I get to do this sort of thing with him.

Since I wasn't sure, if Izzy would let me do this again, I was gonna make sure to go all out. I started to put the top layers of hair up into a ponytail.

“What are you doing?” squeaked Izzy.

“Don’t you know anything? To straiten it, I need to do it in layers.” I gave his shoulder a pat. “You trust me right? Just relax for once.” I checked the straightener. It was pretty hot.

Picking it up I did the first layer. Then the second layer. Layer by layer I straitened his hair until I’d done the last one.

“All done lets get a look.” I’d pretty much already seen it but I wanted to see how he looked as a whole.

What I saw was surprising. I couldn’t help but break out into hysterical laughter. “haha!” It was so different!

“Hey what's so funny!” Izzy finally decided to look at himself in the mirror. “That's- that's me?” he pulled his hair to make sure it was real. “no way.”

I couldn't stop laughing. “You look like a girl!” his hair was passed his shoulders. He didn’t look bad actually. As a guy he looked ridiculous but as a chick he might be able to get a few numbers.

He crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s not that funny.”

A new excitement grew inside me. “Oh! We should totally do a little dress up! It’ll be so much fun!”

He looked frightened. “No way!” he started to leave the room. “I'm washing this crap out!”

There was literally nothing in his hair. A shower should get it back to its normal fluff. But it’ll be a day or two before he gets it as messy as it was. Still worth it.

He came back a few minutes later. His hair was soaked. I motioned for him to join me on the bed but he crawled into his usual corner. I hope I didn’t go to far.

“Hey Izzy, your not mad right?” He looked like he usually did. Just a big old frown with hair. “I’m sorry. I was having to much fun. How about we play a game?”

I rushed over to one of my drawers and pulled out a few different games. I had monopoly, candy land, scrabble and a few other things.

Originally I thought it would be fun to have friends over and we’d play all sorts of games, but they weren’t interested in simple board games like these. They wanted booze and weed. In the end I never got them to come over.

I set up a game of janga. At first I wasn’t sure if he would play or not, but once his turn came around he silently pulled a peace out and placed it on top of the tower.

For a tough guy he could be very gentle. His hand was so steady and calm. I thought I was good at janga but I lost every time.

Eventually we played every game a few times. That was until we got to monopoly and it just seemed to drag on forever. It got late. I was hoping he’d spend the night again but he insisted on leaving.

I tried to stop him. “Izzy you can’t go. Spend the night again please.” he wasn’t stopping. The guy kept walking down the steps and rejecting my offers. I almost cried in response.

Finally we got to the front door. “Izzy please. Spend one more night. If you do then I’ll do whatever you want. Anything okay. You can do anything you want to me okay.” What teenage boy could refuse an offer like that.

Instead of him being excited like I expected. He looked disappointed. “Is that all you think of me?” his words were like a knife.

I felt a tear leak from my left eye. Then the right. “no” I cried as I shook my head. “I don’t want you to leave” I felt powerless. I should of tied him to the bed while he was sleeping.

I’m not sure what he thought or what he felt, but the next thing I knew his hand was stroking my head and the words “Thank you. I had lots of fun. I’ll see you tomorrow. Lets walk to school together.” Spilled out of his mouth.

I had to watch him as he went back to that woman. Once I couldn’t see him anymore. I closed the door and ran to my room. I jumped onto my bed and cried for the rest of the night. The bed, It smelled like him.

Isaac

I walked past my house. I can’t go home now. It’ll be bad if I do that. Where should I go? I’ll keep walking. Just keep walking.

Why was that girl so nice? I wish she would just leave me alone. If she hadn’t come along everything would be back to normal. I shouldn’t have gone with her.

Mom will remember. She might not do anything right away but the punishment will come. If I had just stayed home then everything would have been fine.

Yeah……… but then that girl would of cried even more. I had to go with her. I didn’t want her to cry.

Dad told me I should never make girls cry. Guess I failed at that to. I also needed to make sure she wouldn’t call the cops. Which felt a bit more important at the time.

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Cops would be bad. I can’t let that happen. I’m such an idiot. I just had to pass out. Why couldn’t I stay awake. I could have easily walked to the nurses office myself.

All this happened because I was an idiot. Useless idiot. Why can’t I do anything right. This was my burden not hers. It was supposed to be kept between me and mom.

She was really nice though…. She didn’t have to come save me. She could of minded her own business and walked to school, but she rushed in and came to my rescue.

Then she basically nursed me back to health. She took care of my wounds and the infections. She doesn’t deserve all the crap she takes at school. She doesn’t deserve to be dragged down by my secret.

Dad what do I do?… No answer. I should distance myself from her. Maybe if I ignore her long enough she’ll get board and leave me alone. It’s a stupid idea but it’s all I got.

I wish I wasn’t such a waste of oxygen. There's no way I'll ever be like dad. I wish I was useful.

I continued to drag my feet. For over an hour I walked. I was far out on a dirt road. She’ll come I know it. This is the usual path I take when I run away.

How many times now have I walked this way. I wonder if I’ll beat my record. Last time I almost made it to the bridge.

She always comes…… so mean. She always comes. She always finds me. She wants to hurt me. I don’t wanna hurt anymore. Why am I so useless?

I slapped myself knocking the insanity back into the hole. It was getting worse. Pretty soon that might not work.

I still got another two or three hours to walk before she makes her rounds. Who knows maybe she’s already heading this way.

Surly enough a familiar car was approaching. It came from the direction I was going. Which meant she was on her return trip.

I knew it. It stopped right next to me. The emergency lights came on and the driver side door opened.

A women came rushing out. She wrapped her arms around me. My body flinched reflexively but no pain came.

“You idiot!” she shook me violently. “Why would you leave me! Don’t you know I was only trying to help you!” she held me tight and I felt tears land on me. “bad! You’re a bad boy!” She slapped me. “Get in the car! Now Isaac!” She dragged and pushed me into the passenger seat. “devil child!”

I did whatever she told me. she drove us home. Her voice was nothing but a cacophony of noise. Nothing but buzzing static.

It looked like this wouldn't be one of the times when she coddles me to try and make me think she was on my side.

And here I thought I'd be safe tonight. Mom made me a liar. Now Alice will think I'm not trustworthy.

What was different this time? I was gone for almost a week. Mom's worry must of turned into annoyance at some point. I'll have to remember this for next time.

She was trying to shame me for running away. During our ride home She chewed me out and said a few prayers. Most likely I’ll be punished and it’ll be over.

I usually don’t remember what happens and only have a few images and sounds to go off of. The only issue was that I hadn't quite gotten to that part yet.

I woke up that morning in the back yard. No clothes just dirt and mud. My previous wounds were burning.

There were small remnants of images and sounds of being stripped naked and forced to play in mud like a dirty pig.

The hoes constantly spraying me with water and my mom saying prayers throughout the night.

I think I ate mud. My mouth had dirt in it and my throat was impossibly dry. I sat up and curled into a ball.

My head seemed to peace it all together. The idea was absurd. I held my hair in my hands and went somewhere.

I’m not sure where I went but I was gone for maybe an hour. I was asleep but I also wasn’t. it was like being half asleep through a lucid dream I couldn't remember.

A garden and a well. I couldn't peace it together and when I tried the memories seemed to scatter like cockroaches under a light bulb.

Black ooze sinking into the ground and so much crying. What the hell was I seeing?

A moment of searching and the memories of last night and that place were gone. All I was left with was the word garden and the image of black sludge leaking from my head. Along with a few images and sounds of what mom did to me.

I've seen that garden multiple times but I can never remember my time there. All I know is that something awful happens. I’m always left with this awful feeling of dread and guilt.

Somehow I fell asleep. Only to be awoken by the sound of my back door creaking open.

Mom came over and pulled me to my feet. “Let’s go. You have school.” It looked like she’d been crying.

She pulled me inside and gave me a freezing cold shower. I don’t remember the details. The garden came up and everything became static once again.

Where was I going? I don’t remember what I did during that time. What was with this buzzing?

With no answers in sight I got dressed for school. Mom didn’t want to see me anymore so she locked herself in her room. I could hear her whaling on the other side.

It was still pretty early. The sun hadn’t even come up yet. I was still cold. I went out to the porch and sat down on the steps. My knees pressed against my chest and I hugged my legs.

Just a little longer. Just a little longer. I just need to hold on a little longer. Long enough for dad to come home.

Alice

I didn’t sleep well last night. I had to stop myself from going out to look for Izzy. If I’d just shown up at his house then maybe that woman wouldn’t hurt him anymore. If she knew Izzy had people that cared about him. Then maybe she would stop.

I need to do something before Izzy gets killed. I just wish I could call the cops. That would solve all our problems. Maybe it would.

I walked to Izzy’s house and found him sleeping on the porch. I feared the worst so I ran up to him panic in my voice. “Izzy. Izzy!” he didn’t answer.

I shook him and he woke up. “Don’t do that! Answer when I call you, stupid!” I hugged him. He was cold again. Did something happen?

I had to fight my tears. I don’t want to cry right now. I'm so tired of crying and it’ll only make Izzy worry.

“Alice I’m fine nothing happened.” he didn’t look fine. It looked like he hadn’t slept. I could tell.

At my house he finally managed to sleep a full eight hours. He was even starting to look healthy.

“What happened last night?! Did she hurt you?!” Izzy didn’t get to answer. The door to his house swung open

It was his mom. “Oh, Alice. Hello dear.” She gave me a fake smile. “Is Isaac giving you trouble again?”

I immediately shook my head. “no! Not at all! Izzy is a good boy.” Crap! Why did I say it like that. “I mean he’s great.” My smile was anything but natural. I was actually terrified right now.

Something was off here. Her eyes were red and puffy. Her makeup was also a bit runny. Had she been crying?

I hope she didn’t hear me ask Izzy about last night. I wasn’t that loud was I? Maybe this was my chance. I pulled Izzy to his feet. He was being his usual zombie self.

This was the important part. I needed it to be convincing. The issue was I was way to nervous to simply just say it aloud. Which means I had to show it.

Before anyone could say anything I leaned over and kissed Izzy. As expected Izzy did what Izzy does and freaked out. You little idiot play along!

“Alice! What are you doing?!” He was blushing so hard. I was to.

I panicked “sweetie! I think it’s time you properly introduce me to your mother. We can’t keep our relationship a secret!” Izzy was so flustered.

“Ma’am I’ve been dating your son for over a week now.” Even I couldn’t believe what was coming out of my mouth.

Mss. Smith seemed like she was confused. Maybe I over did it? No I think I haven’t gone far enough. I need to make her fear me.

“My little Isaac has a girlfriend! His father would be so proud.” She was genuinely surprised. Was it that unbelievable. Poor Izzy even his mother didn't believe in him.

“That's right. In case your wondering where our relationship is. I've seen him naked.” I almost choked on my words but it needed to be done. Besides its not like I'm lying.

“kids are so forward nowadays!” She was blushing like Izzy who had at some point forgotten how to speak. He wasn’t even grunting.

“Okay well, we’ll be leaving now! Don't wanna be late for school!” I took Izzy’s hand and pulled him along. He didn’t resist. Most likely he wanted to get out of there as much as I did.

Hopefully now that she knows I’d seen Izzy’s scars she won't be adding any new ones. After all if his girlfriend finds them she might report them.

She was probably freaking out right now. Wondering if she was going to get in trouble or not.

This basically made me a target. If she does that to her son, then what might she do to me?

A few days later

I was in Izzy’s room. For some reason he didn't want me in here. Probably because of the mess.

There was a lot of trash in here. One of which was a half eaten moldy sandwich I found under his bed.

Which begged the question why hadn’t he eaten it. He had food but I guess he couldn't eat, because of how nervous he was all the time.

I thought his mother wasn't feeding him but really he just wasn't eating. I'll just have to break that habit.

When he was at my place he was finally starting to feel comfortable enough to eat. I've basically had to force him to eat ever since.

I was pretty grossed out by his room but it’s not like I wasn’t used to it. My little brother did similar stuff. Most of the shut in boys are like that.

I remember Mikey once had a whole watermelon in his closet. It had a single hole in the middle and was rotting. Mom made me leave immediately. Not sure what that was all about.

I played on Izzy’s bed throwing an old baseball up into the air and catching it. So far I've caught it every time.

Izzy was moving about the room trying to clean it. He wouldn't look at me and seemed to be running on sheer anxiety.

It was kind of flattering. He thought highly enough of me to clean his room. I should hang out in here more often.

You never know, Izzy might actually start cleaning himself up, now that he has a girlfriend.

I could see it now. A hair cut. Maybe hit the gym. He can't really wear anything else because of those scars.

I put the baseball down sprawling myself out on the bed and felt something under the bunched up covers.

Curiosity hit me like a brick breaking through a closed window. Immediately after I began ruffling through the blanket only to find….. Buffalo?

In my hands I now held a Buffalo plush doll but this was no ordinary Buffalo. This little guy had wings like an angel That's so cute.

A moment later I finally got the joke and burst into laughter. “Buffalo wings! Haha!” this alarmed Izzy and he snatched the toy away from me.

“Don’t look at that!” He threw it in the closet out of embarrassment and slammed the door. I was left to wonder what that toy meant to him.

It was in his bed which implied he was sleeping with it. His reaction told me I’d found something he never wanted anyone to see.

Should I tease him? If I do that then he’ll never bring that toy out again. He is the macho type…. kind of. Well, he tries to be.

Sweetly I said “Hey Izzy. Don’t do that.” I got to my feet and made my way over to the closet. He tried to stop me but like a bull I was stubborn.

Surprisingly Izzy yelled “Stop leave him alone!” He didn’t want to touch me so he pulled on my shirt.

His words made me question him. “leave him alone? Does he have a name? He has a gender so he must have a name.” Izzy blushed and ran into a corner in defeat.

Now that I was unencumbered I went for the closet and dug the toy out. A smile bloomed on my face as I brought it back over to Izzy who had taken his usual position by hugging his knees to his chest.

I called it the roly-Izzy. Get it! It’s like a roly-poly but it’s Izzy! Okay it might need some work but the ground work is there….. hmmmm…. Armadizzy!

I got down on my knees in front of him then showed him the buffalo. “Isn’t this your friend Izzy?” Izzy looked up for a moment then hid his head again.

He was only fourteen so there had to be some child left inside him. It’s not like I didn’t have that one special doll from my childhood. In fact it was currently on my bed. Ms. Wigglebottom…

What really bothered me about this situation was Izzy’s reaction. There was so much anxiety there that it basically crippled him. Where was that guy that jumped out a window and beat the crap out of Darrick.

I decided on a new tactic. “Well since this little fella isn't important…. I guess I can have him right?” That seemed to get him to move but only a twitch.

I stood up and started putting the toy into my bag. That’s when I hared Izzy yell “Wait!”

I turned towards him. “What is it? Don't tell me you actually care about this little toy. It’s so stupid. A buffalo with wings. Buffalos don't have wings.” Maybe if I bully him a little I can get him to open up.

It was like a switch had been flipped. Izzy rose to his feet stomped over and snatched the doll from me. I might of over done it. He looked pretty angry.

“You can’t have buddy! Also buffalos do have wings but dad says they cut them off because there delicious!” he finished by hugging the winged buffalo to his chest like a child having a bad day.

I was a little taken aback. There was more there than I thought. “so he is your friend. That’s good.” I tried giving him a little positive reinforcement to smooth things over.

Izzy got all embarrassed again and jumped onto his bed turning his back to me. I wasn’t sure what to do so I sat down next to him on the floor. We stayed like that for a bit.

Did I break him? I wanted to get him to come out of his shell and stop acting like a brute but this felt like I’d only gotten him mad. At least he wasn’t punching me.

He was so scrawny. No muscle at all. How the heck did he beat Darrick up? Is anger really that effective? He even over powered me a few times like when I wanted to cut his hair.

I felt my phone vibrate again. I checked it. It was Jack the bean stock again. I just needed to ignore him. Eventually he’ll get tired and leave me alone.

At some point Izzy spoke. “Dad got him for me.” His voice was slightly above a whisper.

I wanted him to know I was listening so I said “I see. He must be special then.” There wasn’t really a response, instead he just kept talking.

“I was having trouble going to school. I didn’t like being surrounded by so many people so dad bought me this buffalo and told me he was special because he still had his wings.”

His dad did that? The way Izzy described his dad before I was sure he was an asshole. Could he really have come up with that solution himself?

“Dad said I would be okay because buddy would keep me safe, and he did…. For a long time… that was…. until he didn’t and I had to leave him at home. One of the kids ripped one of his wings off. Mom sowed it back on but I never took him to school again.”

This was like when I cut that teddy bear open in front of that girl. I don’t think she ever brought it back to school either. She must of really hated me.

“Did you know when there’s a storm buffalos run straight into it. There smart. They know the storm is coming towards them so they run through it to get to the other side faster. Most animals just run in the opposite direction or hide, making the storm last longer for them.”

I couldn’t help but feel like the buffalo was a metaphor. Maybe it represented manliness. Running straight into the conflict in order to get it over with.

Izzy’s dad seemed like an interesting person. I wish I could of met the guy. He sounds like a lot of fun.

“You know buffalos don’t actually have wings right Izzy?” That question sparked a whole new argument.

For over an hour we argued about weather a buffalo had wings. It was so stupid! Stupid but fun. In the end we agreed to disagree and I stayed over for dinner that night.

Everything was pretty grate. I even managed to get Izzy to agree to go on a date with me.