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-Isaac age 12-
“Julia, can we go home now!” I whined. I was sitting on a bench outside the dressing stalls. My sister was supposed to take care of me while mom and dad went off to a friend’s wedding in Hawaii. I wish I could go to Hawaii.
Dad said children weren’t allowed, because apparently there was some festival going on where they sacrifice virgins by throwing them into a volcano.
Somehow, I feel like he was lying, but then I remember that Indiana Jones movie, the one where that guy rips out that dude’s heart. At least that’s what comes to mind when I think of someone being sacrificed.
As for My brother he was sleeping over at a friend’s, abandoning me with our hormonal sister. I never knew if she’s going to be really nice or really mean. “Sis I wanna go home!” I whined again.
“Oh my god! Shut up already! Your so annoying! I told you I need new clothes for school!” Sis bought new clothes once every month. She had a part time job that went directly to her shopping addiction. Dad only pays for off brand stuff and only if you need it. Unless its your birthday or Christmas.
A few minutes passed of Julia making noises in the booth. She would say stuff like “This is so ugly!” or “Oh my god this one makes my butt look fat!” Apparently having a small butt was a good thing. It made no sense to me.
Dad says it’s because I’m too young and haven’t found my tastes yet. All I know is whether it's a big butt or small butt they both taste like butt. No thank you dad. You can keep all the butts. I’ll have a cheeseburger instead.
I looked at my Gameboy. It had run out of battery not that long ago. Right in the middle of Pokémon red. The worst part was I think the last save was two gyms ago. Pain was too weak a word. Normally I carried some AA batteries with me, but I was all out and had spent the last of my weekly allowance on a bag of hot cheetos covered in nacho cheese.
“Hey Julia.” I called to her with hope in my voice.
“No Isaac, stop asking to go home! it’s not gonna happen!” Sometimes when Julia bleeds, she gets really annoyed with me. I guess I’d be pretty annoyed if I was bleeding from my butt. Actually, I’d be really scared. What happens if all my blood comes out? Do I die? Is sis going to die? How will I get home? What was I going to ask Julia again?
“That’s not it.” My voice broke a little as a lady walked past me and into one of the many stalls. Somehow being here felt wrong. Not having Julia by my side left me feeling alone and there was a lot of people moving through the store.
I didn’t have my Gameboy to distract me, and sis made me leave buddy in the car. She said I was getting too old to carry him around and that it was starting to get embarrassing. It's not like I carried him around all the time.
“Sis?” I called out fearfully as I squirmed in my seat.
“What is it?” While she was finally taking me seriously there was also a hint of barely checked anger behind her voice. It only made me more nervous.
“I need to pee.” I squeaked.
She groaned, “Then go! You’re 12 years old now. Don’t tell me you want me to hold your hand.”
“N-no!” I stuttered and shook my head as if she could see me.
“Ugh! Then what’s the matter?” She whined.
“s-sorry…” nervously my gaze locked onto my feet. The problem was that there were too many people in the store. The more people that walked by the worse I felt. The feeling of a weight on my chest came over me and everything started to change. The store got darker and everything including the people started to stretch. They were all weirdly tall.
I don't like the way they walk. It's like their legs were moving faster than their heads causing their top half’s to be dragged through the air like kites in the wind. Their feet were so big, so wide. Probably to keep them grounded. The really scary part was the smiles they had. They didn't look like they were happy. These kite people might just step on me if I wasn’t careful.
Even if I was down to play with human kites, how was I supposed to get down from the bench? it was so tall. Noticing how high up I was I pushed myself back against the mirror behind me and pulled my legs up onto the bench.
Sitting near the edge was an easy way to fall to my death. I hugged my knees and for whatever reason my body started to shake as if I was cold. Why was everything so scary all of a sudden? I was so high up that the air started to thin. Where did all the air go? Desperately I tried really hard to breathe, but no matter how much air I sucked in I couldn't catch my breath.
It got even worse when one of the kite people approached me. I think it was a lady. She had blonde hair and blue eyes. I still couldn’t breathe, and it was only getting worse as the darkness that filled the room started to close in on me.
“Are you alright honey? Where’s your mom?” Her voice was booming with the power of a hundred truck horns.
I cried out, “I wanna go home!” tears started to form in the corners of my eyes as this kite person started mumbling something I couldn't understand.
I heard the stall door open, and Julia’s voice come in crystal clear as if flattening the monsters around me. “Whoa! Hey don’t cry now. Didn’t dad tell you you’re not supposed to cry?” Julia had finally shown her face. She had a handful of clothes with her.
Her presence seemed to force the world to snap back into its normal proportions. The lady stepped back and said, “Sorry, I was only trying to help.”
Julia seemed to glare at her like she had done something wrong only to suddenly look surprised like she knew who this was. “Ms. Johnson! Hi.” Said Julia as she gave me a side hug. She was warm compared to the rest of the store. She also had that familiar Julia smell.
“Julia is that you?” my sister nodded. “You certainly have grown. Just look at you, you’ve become such a beautiful girl. You must be 16 by now.” She turned her gaze to me then said “so this must be…. did your mother have another daughter? She sure is shy.” She eyed me. It finally hit me what she meant, and I couldn’t respond out of embarrassment.
Julia laughed. “No actually this is my little brother Isaac. He’s kind of small, but he’s due a growth spurt any day now.” She caressed my head to give me a sense of comfort. “You remember him, right?” She gently moved some of the hair away from my face to give the lady a better look.
She leaned forward and looked me in the eyes. It made me extremely uncomfortable. “Oh Isaac! I remember you. You were such a little thing back then. I see not much has changed.” She joked. I recoiled into my sister. “Don’t be shy. You know I changed your diaper once. You peed all over me. Well, I’ll let you two go I need to check on my daughter she’s the one looking at the dresses over there.”
She pointed to an older girl in a blue dress. She had long blonde hair and seemed to be humming a song as she held up another blue dress. Her body had already started to develop. That just meant she was probably already a bleeder.
One look at her had me burying my face into my sister’s side again. That was the same girl that crushed my flower! I really didn’t want anything to do with her. The lady left us alone and walked back to the flower hater.
Julia pulled me to my feet. “Restrooms over there kiddo. Do you want me to walk you over?” She leaned forward and whispered this next part. “You had one of those crazy hallucinations again, didn’t you?” my eyes went wide.
-Isaac-
I remember this. Little me really was a mess. The hallucinations she was talking about were something my entire family knew of. They happened every once in a while, when my imagination and anxiety collided with one another.
It was a product of over thinking and trying to rationalize insanity through mental gymnastics. When my anxiety kicked in my mind would imagine up all kinds of things. Then I’d try to make sense of it and my body would lock up. I’d fall into a never-ending loop of crippling thoughts. I wish I could tell the younger me to relax. To stop over thinking, but this was a memory. He wouldn’t learn that until Alice was there to give him focus.
I think Aku could also benefit from this lesson. She was just like my younger self. Her personality plastered over mine made us into a helpless child. It was annoying, but I couldn’t be mad at her. She was acting like me after all. How could I not want to help her when I knew exactly how she felt.
It also didn’t help that acting somewhat childish was my default. It was the same pretend to be someone else tactic except dumbed down so that I could still make actual decisions.
It was a simple and effective way to detach myself from reality while still being conscious of my decisions. Because of that my wife thought I was an idiot. Now that I really think about it. That’s probably why pretending to be Aku was so easy for me.
You know a lot of stuff is starting to make sense now. Like how buddy and snowball worked to prevent that crippling paralysis was because they were both mental constructs made for that intended purpose. In my mind buddy was the physical manifestation of – for lack of a better word- a “Safe Space” I gave buddy that power over me, but really it was all made up.
Dad would probably laugh at me if I told him that. This logic could also be applied to Snowball, but in this case for Aku. Funny how the mind works that way. Little me was smart in using his own imagination against all the crap it threw at him. Like fighting fire with fire.
It's all in my head and as a defensive reaction I somehow managed to build it up into a labyrinth. I don't know if that was smart or not.
-Isaac age 12-
Once I realized it was actually my imagination that had made everything all strange, I managed to calm myself down. If I had buddy with me none of this would have happened, but lately it seemed like my family had been trying to wean me off of him. Maybe it was to build up my resistance to the world. They meant well, but it was really hard sometimes.
“Isaac… you good? Do you want me to walk you or not?” With that sis seemed to retract her questioning about my… episode.
“I can go by myself.” I broke away from Julia’s grip then made a nervous dash for the restrooms. It was so embarrassing to be treated like a little kid, especially by my sister. She was the type to use your moments of weakness as ammo against you when she felt like it.
I made my way to a urinal, doing the pe pe dance as I struggled to undo my pants. I almost didn't make it, but it was okay because I did make it. It was amazing. I tried to aim for the urinal cake because I liked the smell that came out of it.
My body twitched in the middle of the entire process like it usually did. Once I was done, I gave it a few shakes. A smile bloomed on my face as the feeling of an empty bladder felt great. I zipped up then went to wash my hands. As I washed them, I couldn’t help, but wonder. Why do I twitch when I pee?
It doesn’t happen every time, but it does happen. I think I’ve seen Cain do it too. Does everyone do it, or is it just us cause we’re twins? I’ll have to ask Julia about it. I made my way out of the bathroom and spotted Julia outside the door.
Seeing her there filled me with joy since I wouldn’t have to walk around the crowded store looking for her. I was so happy that I gave her a hug. She jumped in surprise resting a hand on my back. “Careful there. You almost knocked me over there you little weirdo. I take it you’re ready to go then?”
I looked up to meet her eyes. They seemed to look right through me leaving me with a tiny pang of nervousness. Regardless of her gaze I managed to nod. I was going to stick to her like dog poop on the bottom of Cain’s shoe. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but he always manages to step in it just about every time we play outside.
Lucky for me It looked like that lady and the mean girl had left the store. That was a relief. I was afraid that girl was going to take my Gameboy and crush it under her foot.
Julia paid for the clothes using her friends discount to get 10% off. Her friend seemed nice. She kept trying to pinch my cheeks, but I buried my face into Julia’s side. Her name was probably Jessica. Okay, so maybe I didn’t actually get her name, but she looked like a Jessica, and even talked like a Jessica.
Dad once said if it looks like a duck, smells like a duck, and sounds like a duck. It’s a duck. I don’t know what Jessica’s smell like, but it was a 2 out of 3. At the very least she was 66.6% Jessica. With those numbers she was at least a Jess.
I waved goodbye to Jess on our way out. She smiled and waved back. Julia’s car was a 1983 Toyota Supra. She got it for Christmas and had already managed to get her driver’s license. Sure, it was over a decade old, but it was still a car.
Dad got it from a police auction. Apparently, it was used for a bank robbery. That already made the car super cool. Sis wasn’t too happy about it at first. That was until she realized it wasn’t just a car it was freedom.
I tried to get into the front seat, but I’d forgotten that the door handle was missing. That was probably why the bank robbers got caught. Julia was already inside and had just started the car. For a moment I thought she would leave me behind. Sometimes it feels like she doesn’t like me anymore. What if this was her way of getting rid of me?
It was the perfect time for it! Cain was away. Mom and dad were in Hawaii. In a panic I yelled, “Julia open the door!” To my horror She shook her head. I was terrified up until she pointed to the back seat. “Oh, thank god.” I blurted.
I knew what that meant. She didn’t like having me or Cain in the front, because she said it was too dangerous. Apparently, she didn't have any air bags. I used to think it was so we wouldn’t fight over it, but after riding around with her she wouldn’t let me go in the front.
So, what if she didn't have any airbags? That's what seat belts were for. This was where I put my foot down. I was tired of riding in the back like I was a little kid. Maybe I was, but still.
I puffed my cheeks and stood there not wanting to give in. She finally opened her door and got out. My confidence waned a tiny bit, but I held my ground.
“Get in, or I’m leaving you behind! You know I will! Moms not here so don't think you'll get what you want just because you’re the favorite.” She wasn’t in the mood.
I hated it when Julia and Cain told me I was moms favorite. Hearing her say that completely deflated my cheeks. Which was also another way of saying it utterly destroyed my desire to protest.
-Isaac-
Now that I was able to reexamine this memory in all its details, I realized she knew that. They all did. It was how my sister operated. She would work her way into getting you to trust her all while gathering information about you. What you liked, what you dislike.
All so she could use it when she needed something from you. Now that I thought about it. She knew everything about me, but I rarely got any information about her. She was silent about most things. I didn't know any of her weaknesses. I guess I never felt like I needed to know them.
Whatever relationship we had it was designed to keep me under control. She might help me here and there, but she manipulated me most of the time by putting pressure on my sore spots. In this case it was to keep me safe, but the method she used to get me into the back seat disgusted me. So much so that I felt something begun to stir.
An echo of emotion long forgotten - so scattered that it was indecipherable - began to pulse within me.
-Isaac age 12-
Her gaze did something to my insides making me feel woozy and I ended up crawling into the back seat. Sis even made me wear my seat belt, reaching over to clip it in herself, and to reaffirm her ruling she pulled the belt real tight and gave me a look like she was daring me to argue.
I didn’t feel like playing along, so I sat there with a sad expression on my face. What she did was comical, but I wasn’t in the mood to play along with her anymore. I was still upset at being told I was the favorite.
The issue I had with it was that it had nothing to do with me. That was all on mom’s side. I even tried repeatedly to make it fair for everyone, but that just seemed to make my brother and sister even more mad at me.
Julia must have realized something was wrong because she asked, “You, okay? You know I can’t let you up here? Its dangerous. Quit acting like a brat.” She flicked my forehead.
This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
I didn't react. Instead, I simply said, “I don't care about that anymore. Let's just go home.” I was done for the day and planned to spend the rest of it alone in my room. I reached for buddy as my sister backed out of the parking space and headed home.
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-Isaac age 11-
I wonder why teachers teach. It doesn’t make a lot of money, and they seem pretty miserable. Ms. Martinez just talks and talks endlessly. She throws in lame jokes every now and then and there terrible! Jokes like, “Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide!” or “Why is the math book so unhappy? Because it’s full of problems!”
Jokes like that are way to cheesy. They were kind of funny the first time, but she just reuses the same jokes over and over again! Then laughs like she’s the funniest person in the world! You have to be super dense or really narcissississisisteric, narcissister, narcissistic? Yeah, that one!
You have to be really narcissistic to not understand when people don’t think your jokes are funny. I blame that one girl that fake laughs for brownie points. She’s always so smug just like the teacher. I think she's one of those teacher pet types.
As for Ms. Martinez I think she really wanted to be a comedian but couldn’t get anyone to show up to her shows, so she became a teacher instead, because kids have to go to class and listen to her. Otherwise, they’ll fail and have to work as a garbage man or get a loan and start a business.
So far, I see nothing wrong with those options. I’m pretty sure garbage men get paid better than teachers, and owning your own business had to make you lots of money. It made sense to me considering the people that own businesses have to pay the workers.
If I can start a garbage pickup business, I can make even more money than Ms. Martinez and rub it in her face. I hope she cries… maybe not that. Crying teachers make me sad. They're already really sad people. Making them cry just feels like kicking someone while they're down.
Do people get paid to go to comedy specials? I know they laugh a lot. Maybe it’s like how in sitcoms they make those people laugh at everything even though a lot of the jokes aren’t funny.
The laughter of the audience is funnier than the show. Somehow, it’s contagious and it makes you laugh too. My brother always laughs even when he doesn’t get the joke. I think my brain might be broken in that regard.
If my brain wasn't broken then I’d be able to laugh at unfunny jokes, but because my brain doesn’t work, I notice stuff that other people don’t. Mom says I’m very intuitive. Dad says intuition is just something women made up so that their husband’s would listen to them more often. Whatever that means. Dad also said I have a screw lose.
-Isaac-
The reality was, because of my lack of social skills. I over analyzed stuff in order to figure out how I needed to react. Like when mom and dad were about to fight, I could usually see it before it happened.
To most people, reading social situations comes naturally to them. So natural that it's basically automatic like breathing. For someone like me though… well, let's just say I have to actually focus.
There’s no real secret to it you just needed to pay attention. Eventually you’ll start to notice patterns. Like slamming doors, or just the way people seem to be acting.
If I was a normal person with my analyzing skills, I could easily read strangers, but I wasn't like that. My ability to understand social cues has grown to a more acceptable level in recent years, but every once in a while.
I'll say something that earns me that look that tells me I said something crazy. I hate when that happens. It only served to remind me how bad I was at conversations. So bad that sometimes when I spoke people would ignore me because I would often say things that were uninteresting, or plain annoying.
That's why I had to pay so much attention to body Language and the way things were worded. It was the little things that gave people away. Of course, this only really worked if I knew the people I was trying to read. Their default was how they were normally and anything that varied from that was an instant giveaway that something was wrong.
See it happen enough times and you’ll understand the little things that make someone angry or happy. Figure out why that happened, and you can find ways of preventing it, or if you’re an asshole, provoke it.
For someone like my brother simply seeing me was enough to make him irritated. For my sister running up and down the hall while she was in her room could set her off. For my dad putting his beer at the very back of the fridge behind everything else was a big no, no.
For mom all you had to do was move stuff around in the kitchen to where it doesn’t belong, and she would go crazy. These were just a few things, but I knew them and did my best to avoid making them mad. If I could keep everyone in a good mood, then no one would fight.
Of course, if you managed to do these things, its not like they would immediately yell at you. they did cause irritation to the point where they might be a little grumpy for the rest of the day, but there were ways of smoothing out these incursions of random irritation.
My sister liked it when I acted excited to see her and ran up with a big hug. This usually worked with my parents too, but if she was really grumpy, I just needed to bring her one of the pudding cups in the fridge and act like I snuck it around mom just for her.
Dad was simple. You just needed to get him a beer and ask about his day. If he said it was fine, then don’t pester him any further. If he starts talking about what happened at work, then listen and hype him up. The most important thing though was the beer and when he sat down in his lazy boy. You needed to pull his boots off for him. That always left him feeling better.
As for mom you just needed to do something nice. Like wash the dishes for her or bring her a crappie flower from outside. She especially liked it when you cleaned your room without her asking you to, and for the love of God! NEVER, EVER, miss the toilet. Of course, this stuff only worked back before she went crazy.
With my brother the only way was to pretend to fall down in front of him or stub my toe. that seemed to do the trick. He was an asshole, but he was a lot nicer after you got him to laugh. Pretending to be a cluts usually did it. My brother had “kick in the balls” humor.
He was also very easy to piss off. The thought of having to tip toe around him caused the echo to become ever more noticeable.
-Isaac age 11-
My daydream was broken when Ms. Martinez called my name. “Isaac, come to the front of the class and solve the problem.” The problem in question was, -27 + 32.
It wasn’t hard. I just needed to subtract 27 from 32. Ms. Martinez had been teaching us how to add negative numbers with positive numbers. I knew the answer, but there was a problem… I couldn't get up. The thought of having to go in front of these strangers made me really nervous.
The classroom seemed to stretch, and the number of students multiplied. All of a sudden, I felt so small. There was no way I could go up there… but if I don’t then they’ll think I’m weird and start making fun of me.
We were only a little over a week into the school year and I was put in a class full of strangers. I didn’t know any of these people. If I was normal then maybe things would be okay, but my brain told me I was in danger. How is it that I’ve never met any of these people.
Our town wasn’t that big. This had to be some kind of trick. Maybe they were all aliens pretending to be humans and were planning to steal my organs to make themselves look more human!
People started to stare making it worse. I just needed to solve the problem. I reached up to my hair and gripped it with both hands. The pain of pulling my hair was a perfect distraction. Too bad it wasn’t enough to make me move. Pretend to be someone else. I’m not Isaac I’m… what was his name? Crap I can’t remember!
“Isaac come to the front of the class…. now.” Her voice was strong like she had a megaphone in her throat. I couldn’t get up. There was nothing I could do. My heart continued to throb in my chest and my mouth started to go dry.
“Smith is there something wrong? I told you to solve the problem.” The room became infinitely bigger, and my fellow classmates all started to whisper.
“Alright then, Isaac you can stay after class for detention.” She pointed her finger to another student, a girl with a ponytail. “Sasha come to the front; you can solve the problem.” Sasha was the teacher’s pet. The one I had mentioned before.
The girl got up and headed to the front of the classroom taking all the attention with her. I deflated and laid my head on my cold desk. There was no way I was going to survive this year. Not without buddy.
I couldn’t bring him anymore since those kids ripped his wing off. There was no way I’d let anyone hurt him again… So, I left him at home.
He always asks me about my day. I know he isn't real, but buddy has been my friend since I can remember. It feels wrong to just forget about him. Besides, he helps me work through my thoughts. Simply by letting me bounce my ideas off him it left me with a better structured mind.
The day went on like any other. Without any care for my feelings. Sometimes I wished everything could just pause for a bit, so I could take a breath, but time and space didn't care about me, or anyone for that matter.
I could stand as still as I wanted to, but the world would continue to move and change around me. Despite asking it to stop or holding my breath it would not care and would just leave me behind. Life was scary that way. So uncaring and all I could do was try to stay afloat.
Maybe I should be more like dad. He was also really uncaring when it came to life. If I stop caring about every little thing and only focus on the important parts, then maybe I can keep moving forward at my own pace. That sounded impossible though.
Detention was boring. In order to give it purpose I used it to get ahead on my homework and even managed to get it done. Ms. Martinez noticed what I was doing and came to take a look. I tried to ignore her, but that didn't stop me from feeling nervous.
“Hmmm… yeah that's all correct… where’s your work? Are you cheating with a calculator?” She accused.
I shook my head. It was just the two of us so it wasn't too hard to answer, but if it was only a yes or no question then a nod or head shake would do. Frankly, I felt a little offended at the accusation.
Wait, did she think I was dumb? On second thought…. this required some context. “That's…. Not true. I um… I did it in my head.” It was the truth.
I didn't look up at her, but I could feel her gaze burning a hole in the back of my head. I don't think she believed me. “Alright.” She scoffed, “Solve this for extra credit.” She wrote out a new problem at the end of the worksheet.
It was an interesting problem. Something I’ve only ever seen in one of my sister’s algebra books. This was kind of unfair, but not impossible. Sis explained it to me once when I asked her about the letters in her math equations.
However, this one didn’t have any letters. Still the same logic can be applied, so maybe I can figure it out. It’s not a hard problem. Since it had no letters, the only issue is the order they needed to be solved.
6/2 (1+1) =
That was kind of smart on Ms. Martinez’s part, but at the same time a bit harsh for teaching someone a lesson. This would basically determine if I was cheating or not, but at the same time she was setting me up to fail by giving me a problem that she hadn't taught me how to solve. I could feel a wave of superiority coming off of her, like she’d gotten one up on me.
-Isaac-
I remember this lady; she was such a crap teacher. Did she really think she was the source of all knowledge? She acted like the gatekeeper of math. It looked really ugly on her, and I remember my opinion of her dropped dramatically after that day.
She was the type of person to hold knowledge over your head and not explain it properly just so she could pretend she was smarter than you. The worst type of teacher. Not even a teacher actually. Just an elitist asshole who thinks she's better than everyone else.
The only reason she became a teacher was because she couldn’t make it anywhere else. It’s easy to say “Oh, yeah I’m a genius, but I sacrificed my potential so that I could help guide the youth.”
In reality she knew she was an idiot and didn't want to disappoint herself by trying and failing. Instead, she became a middle school teacher just so she could make herself out to be a better person than anyone else.
The rage I felt caused the echo to grow in frequency.
-Isaac age 11-
A normal kid might try to divide the 6 and 2 first, but Sis said you needed to do the part with the parentheses first…. Hang on… I’m over thinking it, I don't think the order mattered all that much. That's a 2. The 6 divided by 2 is… just a 3…. So, what's left? 3 and a 2.
This was probably the part where I was supposed to get stuck, but I knew better. When all you have left are individual numbers then you need to multiply them together… right? I hope I’m right.
I wrote down a 6 as the answer. The teacher leaned forward, in surprise. “Well, I’ll be dammed. That’s right. Where did you learn to do this?” There was a hint of irritation in her voice. This lady was acting like a drug dealer that found out one of her customers was buying off someone else. Dad said these types of situations could lead to death.
She was a teacher so the worst thing she could do to me was fail me. I decided to tell the truth. I shrugged my shoulders. “My sister showed me. This one is actually pretty easy compared to the ones she does though.” She clearly wanted me to fail, but like the goat I could not fall.
Not when I can cling to the sides of cliffs like a spider! However, I can also get my head stuck in fences…. I wasn’t sure where that fit into the metaphor, so I chose to ignore that fun fact. With that little win in my pocket my confidence had gone up a tad.
She sighed calming herself down and took on a more professional demeanor. “Why didn't you come up to the board when I called you?” She was now holding up the sheet looking everything over once more. It was as if she was seeing me for the first time.
“I don't do well in front of people.” I murmured. She didn't need to know the whole hallucination thing. This lady seemed like the type to take advantage of something like that.
The teacher sighed again. “Alright… well you can go home now. I’ll give you the extra credit, but from now on show your work.” She took the worksheet with her and walked back to her desk at the front of the class.
I got up and grabbed my stuff. Then headed out of the room. That was a total waste of time. All I had to do was write down a 5 on the chalk board and I could have avoided all of this. Well, at least I got the extra credit. To bad my teacher hates me now.
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-Isaac age 11-
I ran down the street hiding behind a rusty old truck. It was missing its tires and had been suspended on cinderblocks. Mom always tells me never to go near it, since she was afraid it would fall down and turn me into a half boy, half machine, all badass…. Or something like that. I don't remember I zoned out halfway through the…. conversation? Lecture? It was a lecture. Anyway, right now I needed it to hide.
My heart was racing from all the running around I’d been doing. I lifted my head to take a look and surly enough my assailant was only a few feet away from me. Like a slithery little sneaky snake, I made my way around the car as the other kid walked around the other side.
He was huffing and puffing as he went. Thank God I managed to keep my breathing to a soft huff. I was the last one. The only kid that hadn’t been frozen yet. It was my job to unfreeze everyone and keep our game of freeze tag going.
My efforts were flawless as the kid ran away from me. I had escaped him. I needed to go unfreeze Cain. Thanks to my brother’s recklessness I was able to get away, but ended up running nearly a whole block before I could find a place to sneak back around.
I needed to move fast because there was only a few more houses until he reached the limit of where we were allowed to play, and once he realized that he would run back and try to catch me.
With a bit of effort, I made my way back to my brother. He was just standing there like a statue. I wasted no time and crawled between his legs coming out his front side.
Quickly I shook his hand then fist bumped him. Finally, to complete the unfreezing ritual I told him my favorite food, “Pizza!” My favorite video game, “Kirby’s Dream Land!” and finally the color of my underwear, but I whispered it instead of saying it aloud, “p-pink” and with that he was unfrozen.
“What took you so long, and why didn't you throw those away! I get Julia left a red sock in with the whites, but you still choose to wear it dude.” I was just happy he understood the situation. Instead of accusing me of being a girl like how Pablo and Wesley did in the last game we played.
“I can't throw them away they’re my lucky underwear. I wear them all the time.” I whispered that last part before looking around to make sure no one heard me.
Cain had a look of disgust on his face. “That’s disgusting dude. Even I'll only wear mine for like two days, and even then, I'll rotate them.”
“I do that too. that's why I can wear them for three days.” I said smugly.
“Three? How?” He leaned in close as if I knew the secret of the universe.
I scoffed. “Your wear them normal. then backwards. Then inside out.” I chuckled at my genius.
“That's diabolical. We don't have time for this get moving! We need to free the others!” said Cain as he pulled me along. I was still tired from all the running I did before, but my brother didn’t care about that.
“Cain slow down I’m gonna-“ I was cut off as my legs were unable to keep up with my brother. As a result, I was now being dragged.
It hurt, but despite my cries Cain kept pulling me along. He finally let go leaving me on the floor. “God, you’re useless!” He left me behind as I fought back tears. Lately he had been a lot meaner to me.
That’s when I heard a scream. Somehow, I’d ended up right in front of my house and mom had seen everything. She came running out to me and lifted me up. “Sweetie are you okay?” I was crying and sniffling like a baby unable to get the words out. I wanted to say it was an accident so Cain wouldn't get in trouble, but that was kind of impossible. She carried me inside.
I was plopped down on the couch and mom checked my legs. “You’re all scratched up. Its okay I’ll clean it up. When Cain gets home, I'm going to ground him for a week!” She kissed my salty forehead. “How about I get you a glass of milk and some cookies. That’ll make you feel better.” That actually sounded really nice.
I finally managed to stop crying and say something. “Um… mom.” I was really tired of this over protectiveness. She didn’t treat anyone else like this.
I didn't even get to ask. She just answered, “No you’re not going back outside. I knew letting you play with those older boys would get you hurt. I can’t believe Cain would just leave you there. Big brothers can be really mean sometimes.” There was a lot of worry in her voice, but I felt the need to correct her.
“Mom I’m the older brother and I’m fine. Those guys are like the same age as me. Only Pablo is a year older. Besides, this is just a scratch. I want to go play some more.” She always did that. Just because everyone else was a little bigger didn’t mean they were older.
“Uh… right. Sometimes I forget. It’s alright honey. I think you should stay inside for today. Just to be safe.” She playfully pinched my nose then walked off. Somehow my anger deflated. I knew I couldn't really win against her, but at the very least I corrected her.
I looked out the window and watched as Cain ran back and was frozen again. He was really bad at that. Cain always yelled and gave away his position. He thought since he was the fastest runner that no one could catch him. I always was the one to unfreeze him.
Then with his speed he would go unfreeze everyone else and look like the big hero. He also got mad if I didn’t unfreeze him first. In the end everyone said I was really bad at freeze tag not knowing it was thanks to me sneaking around that our game would last so long.
Mom came back with the first aid stuff. First, she cleaned the wound – which burned like hell! Owy owy ouch! - I did my best not to flinch or show pain. Then she applied a few big band aids and kissed my boo boos.
“Wow not a single complaint. My brave little boy. “She ruffled my hair. “You know Cain always cries when I clean his scratches. Your just like your father. I guess that really does make you the big brother.”
My eyes lit up. It felt like she was just trying to make me feel better, but I also knew it was true that Cain complained a lot when he got his cuts cleaned. I had to ask. “You think so?”
She nodded. “Of course. You know as the older brother it’s your job to look after Cain. You need to be mature and responsible.” She smiled at me as she adjusted my shorts back into place.
That left me wondering. “What about Julia?” she was my big sister so did she have to look after us?
“Your big sister should look after both of you, but you two are her brothers so you should do whatever you can to protect her. Anymore questions?” She asked.
I shook my head and stayed quiet. Mom headed off to the kitchen.
-Isaac-
This woman was my mom. Its shocking to see how she was back then. She really did love us. Mom just couldn't handle dad’s death. What I wouldn’t give to prevent that tragedy.
What I wouldn't give to have this version of her in my life.
The echo grew in power now sounding like angry static.
-Isaac age 11-
As promised, she brought me some cookies and a glass of warm milk. I wasn’t one to turn it down especially since mom didn’t allow us sweets all that much. That’s why I liked breakfast. Cereal sounded like a regular meal, but if you got the right kind, it was absolutely amazing.
The cookies did make me feel better and to add to that mom gave me the remote to the TV. I watched some cartoons and gorged on cookies. This was way better than any freeze tag. Well, maybe not. The fun about freeze tag was that I got to play with a bunch of people. While scary the first time, it got easier the more we hung out.
However, this was an exceedingly rare occasion. You couldn’t blame me for taking advantage of it. Eventually it started to get dark, and Cain came back inside only to find me sprawled out on the couch like a lazy cat.
He shook his head then started stuffing his mouth with my cookies! “Hey those are mine.” I whined.
Cain grabbed the last cookie, looked me in the eyes then ate it very slowly, as if he wanted me to feel every moment of him chewing down the last of my sweets. “Mommas boy. You ran away to mommy. I don't get why mom spoils you. There’s nothing special about you. Your just weak. I’m faster and stronger.” He then walked away angrily.
I felt like crying again. I know he was mad and didn't mean it, but it still hurt. It always came down to this. Being the “favorite” or whatever, made it impossible to get along with my siblings. Sis says Cain is just jealous, but I also think she is too.
Between the three of us I was the most protected. Julia was the most trusted and Cain was no where to be found. He didn't need protection and he was too much of a liar to be trusted.
Dad didn't feel the need to guide him because he was already pretty manly, and mom didn't coddle him because he didn't need it. He got less attention as a result and that pissed him off. Especially when he felt like he deserved it for being better than me at just about everything.
Cain always wanted to be the center of the show and I’d gladly give it to him, but I had no control over that. The good thing was he'll be back to normal by the time dinner comes around.
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