See Me
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It was October 31st, 1997 and Xander awoke in his room. His eyes were closed, but he could smell the stained and grimy walls, unclean carpet, and the choking sheets of his musty bedsheets. Worst of all, the chill in the air permeated every corner of the room, leaving him feeling cold and alone—always alone. However, being back in his cramped room was the last thing on his mind.
Xander lay there, his body feeling weak and sluggish, but he didn’t care about his physical state, either. It was the all-consuming grief that held him captive. He was too traumatized by the grand totality of his loss. The young, yet old, teen felt like he had built something great, amazing… to have lost the best work and progress he had ever accomplished in the blink of an eye, made his entire body shake and shudder in the cold.
The trembling wracking of Xander’s body made him sway in his uncomfortable bed from side to side. The stench of charred meat and the tang of blood lingered in his nostrils, suffocating him like a thick fog. The swaying continued and now, Xander was hurting, like a thousand knives piercing every inch of his body. As more and more pain registered, his mind began to panic. This hadn’t ever happened before and he couldn’t think of a single reason why.
As he opened his one good eye, he observed that he wasn’t in the dirty, dreary space he expected to be in. Instead, it was a hazy, dark world that swayed with the movement of his bed. His vision was blurry and unfocused, but gradually, his eye adjusted to the dim light. Xander saw that he was still in the library—surrounded by decapitated dragon heads and debris—and at the bottom of his line of sight, a blur of golden color caught his attention.
The girl with golden blonde hair was kneeling beside him, pressing a sword against his chest and shaking him with urgency. As she leaned over him, her bright hair swayed in his vision. Her voice seemed urgent as she spoke, but her words were muffled, as if he were hearing them from deep underwater. She reminded him of Buffy, and after a spell of time, his exhausted mind realized it actually was Buffy.
She had Slaymore pressed to his chest as she repeated, “Heal him. Please heal him. Don’t let him die. Don’t go, Xander! Please, don’t go!”
His body battered and broken, Xander couldn’t move to reassure her for what felt like hours. He was deadweight and couldn’t lift a pinky. But what concerned him more was why he was still in the loop. It didn’t make sense. The clock had struck the tenth minute of the third hour in the morning, so it should be Halloween again. He should be in his dirty room—weak, unhealthy—with Mighty Max on the television, and hungover parents in the house, but he wasn’t. He was growing more confused by the second, as he was tired, but he had to know the truth.
Xander needed answers, and willed his ring and weapons to heal him as fast as Wolverine. He didn’t expect the magical items to know the Marvel character, but the pain was unbearable and he was desperate for answers. After a few minutes, Xander felt a twinge of relief and thought he could speak, but all that escaped his mouth were unintelligible sounds. Buffy turned her head, shifting her hair out of the way, and that was when he noticed the tears streaming down her beautiful face.
“Xander! Oh my God! Stay with me! Can you hear me?” she cried, her voice laced with panic and fear. She cleared her eyes of the water leaking from them before begging, “You have to stay with me, okay?”
He couldn’t voice it, but in his mind, he answered, ‘always.’ Though he felt himself lose consciousness, he felt a sense of calm wash over him as his eyes closed. He trusted Buffy to take care of him, and as he drifted off into the darkness, he felt a sense of peace, knowing that he wasn’t alone.
Xander didn’t feel like he’d been asleep for long. When Xander awoke again, he didn’t think about how long he’d been out or what date it was. All he knew was that his body ached everywhere—even his eyelids felt heavy and sore. Slowly, he opened his eyes and as they adjusted to the light in the dimly lit room, he focused on his surroundings.
He was lying on a soft Queen-sized bed. The walls were a soft muted tan color, and the smell of lavender hung in the air. He was in a familiar bedroom, but more importantly, two familiar faces were sitting in chairs on either side of him. Looking at Buffy on his right and Faith on his left, Xander couldn’t believe it. He hadn’t woken up alone.
‘Am I… dreaming?’ he thought.
When it seemed like he wouldn’t disappear, Xander’s body tensed with anticipation. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, his breaths coming in short gasps, and before he could question what was wrong with him, an unexpected tsunami of emotions shook him to his core. The strong torrent of feelings was so overwhelming, he lost the capacity to think. To know he wasn’t alone, to know it was a brand new day, to know he could keep going, and be remembered, was both a comfort and a wounding reminder of the horrors he’d endured. The tears started to flow—slowly at first, but as reality sunk in, crying felt like an unstoppable torrent pouring down his face. His features twisted with the intensity of his sobs, and he felt as if his body was shaking apart.
His hands let go of his magical weapons, his lifeline through his severe injuries, to cover his face, as if to hide from the overwhelming feelings. Instantly, his head, arms, and torso felt as if they were on fire, his lungs constricting with each ragged breath. The tears streamed down his face and dripped off of his chin. His nose turned red and stuffy, his breaths coming in short, sharp gasps that echoed through the room. With each cough, his throat felt as if it were being ripped apart, sending waves of pain through his body. The sound woke the girls from their slumber, their eyes widening in alarm at the sight of Xander in the throes of his emotions.
“Xander!” they both called as they moved to him.
With tears streaming down his face, Xander outstretched his arms, eager to embrace them. The moment their bodies collided, he was struck by an overwhelming sense of reality that sent shivers down his spine. He could feel the warmth emanating from their bodies, and it was as if he had been transported to another dimension entirely. As he embraced them, tears streamed down his face, mixing with the salty tears that cascaded down Buffy’s cheeks. Faith was hesitant at first, as if unsure of whether to trust the feeling, but she eventually succumbed to Xander’s embrace.
The embrace was a symphony of emotions, with each member of the trio contributing to their own unique melody. Buffy’s sobs were deep and guttural, while Faith’s sniffles were delicate and restrained. Xander could feel their hearts beating in unison, and the sensation only served to heighten his sense of being, his sense of freedom.
‘I made it!’ he mentally cried. ‘I made it! I made it! I… made… it.’
One must’ve slipped past his lips because Faith replied, “Hell yeah, you fucking made it.”
Though Xander was reluctant to let them go, the agony of his broken body was becoming unbearable. As Buffy, Willow, and Faith pulled away, he could see the glistening tears in their eyes and feel their warmth on his skin, a clear indication that he had truly returned to the world of the living. Grabbing his weapons, he instantly felt more relief flood his recuperating system.
Slowly, Xander tried to sit up, his aching body protesting with every movement. The Slayers quickly came to his aid, helping him prop himself up against the headboard. As Faith seemed to make to leave, Xander impulsively reached out, gripping her hand tightly despite the searing pain that shot up his arm.
Faith’s smile was reassuring as she told him, “I’m not going anywhere.” She settled onto the bed beside him, her back resting against the padded headboard. Meanwhile, Xander held tightly to Buffy’s hand, not wanting her to leave either.
Taking a deep breath, Xander’s croaking voice asked, “Wha- what happened?”
Though he was asking about the time braid, Faith answered, “Looks like there was another group of Jhe sisters. They went to the library and performed the ritual. Judging by the five severed Lernaean heads on the floor, they managed it. That’s what we know,” she finished. He was proud of her calm demeanor as she delivered the news, but her anger quickly flared up. “What we don’t know is why you had to battle a goddamn multi-headed dragon by yourself in the first fucking place!”
Xander thought he was the recipient of her ire, but he was surprised to see her glaring at Buffy. The guilt on the blonde Slayer’s face made Xander ask in his cracking voice, “Oookay. I’ve got questions.”
“I’m so sorry, Xander,” Buffy said, her voice heavy with remorse.
“It’s okay,” he tried to reassure her, but Buffy cut him off.
“No, it’s not okay,” Buffy sobbed. “We’re nowhere near okay. You nearly… Because I wasn’t…” Buffy’s voice trailed off as she hugged Xander’s midsection and cried silently. Though her grip was tight and uncomfortable, Xander didn’t push her away. Faith remained quiet during the emotional exchange, and the room fell silent except for Buffy’s quiet sobs.
Xander rubbed Buffy’s back as he softly spoke. “How about we start with something simple? Why am I in your mom’s room?”
“To keep the peace,” Faith huffed, her arms folded across her chest. “I wanted you in my room, Buffy wanted you in hers, and Slayers can be stubborn about what they want.”
“Plus, mom wanted to take care of you the way you took care of her last summer... which was... really really sweet.” She hugged him more snugly and Xander smiled at how cute emotional-Buffy was being.
“Is everybody else okay?” Xander asked, clearing his scratchy throat.
“Everyone’s fine,” Faith gravely answered.
“The library?” he questioned.
“Trashed,” Faith replied.
“How long have I been out?” Xander next asked.
“Three straight days,” Faith answered. “We took you to the hospital, and they took care of the big stuff—internal bleeding, broken bones. They said your insides were like if you got hit by a car, like, five straight times. We smuggled you out as soon as we could, and Red made everyone forget a guy with an axe stuck to his hand ever came into the emergency room.”
The only question that remained in Xander’s mind was why the time braid didn’t reset, but he wasn’t certain about the best way to learn that. The Sherlock within would tally everything different in this loop versus the previous year-loops and go from there—putting the puzzle together piece by piece. However, he knew he had to be cautious. He didn’t want to risk his life by testing anything too lethally. With any luck, he was out, and he didn’t want to die quite so quickly.
A bittersweet feeling washed over Xander as he thought about death. It was a thought that wouldn’t have sent shivers down his spine before, but now he almost found solace in it. The constant living after death in a loop made him forget what it felt like to fear death. Now, lying in bed, recuperating, the idea of mortality brought a strange sense of normalcy. He could almost feel himself becoming human again. He couldn’t help the small smile of gratitude.
Faith interrupted his thoughts to inquire, “If you have any other questions, like—I don’t know—where the fuck your backup was while you were battling a monster demon from hell by yourself, I can’t help you there. None of us can since Buffy and Angel haven’t said jackshit!”
Concerned for Buffy, Xander gently asked, “How’s Angel?”
She hugged him tighter, her tears dampening his shirt. Xander felt a pang of sympathy for his friend, knowing how much Buffy loved him. Turning to Faith, he could see the barely contained anger etched on her gorgeous face. Xander shook his head gently, hoping to convey that something bad must’ve happened between Buffy and Angel. Faith’s gaze shifted to Buffy, her expression softening slightly before she leaned against the padded headboard. As Buffy cried, the silence in the room was only broken by the soft sound of their breathing. Soon, the exhaustion from the emotional turmoil overtook them, and they drifted off to sleep, with a Slayer on either side of Xander.
The three woke up in the morning. None wanted to get up, but Joyce peeled the girls from his side and told them to get ready for school. Buffy protested that they were just sleeping, but Joyce remained firm. After a night of accelerated healing, Xander felt strong enough to join them. As they rode in Joyce’s car, Xander found himself eager to be traveling with Faith to Sunnydale high. It was a completely new experience, and the novelty of it was exhilarating. He felt a surge of lively energy coursing through him, making him feel like a bundle of buzzing joy. The air outside was crisp, and the warm sun painted the town in bright light, casting long shadows from the trees onto the street. The sound of birds chirping in the distance filled the air, and the scent of fresh-cut grass tickled Xander’s nose as they arrived at the school.
Xander was exceedingly happy.
His heart swelled with joy as he walked the school hallways, and he immediately noticed how popular Faith was. Her punk leather style and magnetic presence turned heads wherever they went. Even the boys who didn’t dare approach her couldn’t help but gawk at the confident beauty intimately beside him. Though she wasn’t keen on holding hands, they walked together and didn’t deny it when others asked if they were a couple.
As they passed popular cliques, the most confident boys approached her, from jocks to playboys, and even charming nice guys, but she would tell them all to get lost, which only increased her popularity. Feeling alive and invigorated, Xander was intoxicated by the newness of it all. Every step was like a fresh start, as if life was bursting with possibility, and he couldn’t wait to see what the future held for him and Faith.
Lovable, adorable Willow was in tears as soon as she saw Xander, and ran towards him as fast as she could. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, holding him so long that they were almost late for class. The hug was warm and comforting, like a ray of sunshine on a chilly day. Xander couldn't help but smile as he felt the love and affection radiating from his childhood friend. Cordelia, Oz, Giles, and Jenny were also there, all equally delighted to see him up and about. Their smiles were infectious, and Xander trembled at how loved he felt in that moment. He didn’t think he could handle such raw emotion, and offhandedly wondered if that was how Faith felt sometimes.
Giles was not only impressed that Xander had defeated a Lernaean demon on his own, but he was also curious if Xander could utilize the tough, scaly hide in his forging. He looked at the scales of the beast, and he couldn't help but admire the intricate patterns that seemed to shift and shimmer in the light. Xander had a few ideas, but they felt too dangerous—too risky—even for him. The idea of mixing his powerful runes with the scales of the demon felt like crossing a slippery boundary he wasn’t comfortable with, like entering the dark magic side of weapon smithing. If anything, he hypothesized he’d be able to make a weapon that Spike and Angel could wield better than any human.
After another night of rest and a weekend of recuperation, Xander steadily recovered enough to feel strength surge through his veins. He was eager to get started on fixing Faith’s motorcycle, which had been sitting in the garage waiting for his touch. With a newfound sense of energy, he grabbed his tools and set to fixing her damaged bike.
As the day wore on, Xander grew stronger and more agile, until he was able to spar rather well against Faith. Xander was a little sluggish and stiff at first, but Faith was patient with him and helped him to loosen up. By the time they finished, the sun was setting—casting an orange glow across the sky—and he felt rejuvenated.
They decided to go on patrol that night, with Xander feeling more confident and capable than ever before. As they roamed the streets of Sunnydale—the gentle rumble of the engine and the wind in his hair providing him with a sense of peace—he was struck by how easy it was to dust the vampires they came across. His movements were fluid and precise, and for the first time in a long while, Xander felt like he had surpassed his potential as a fighter.
Sharing his bike back home, they barely made it inside his house before they were all over each other. Xander didn’t understand the hurry as Faith yanked off his clothing, and when he tried to slow the girl’s passions down, Faith backed away. Her eyes were dark pools of wanton desire, easily communicating that she wanted it hard and fast. Though Xander wanted to connect with her on an emotional level, he pushed it to the back of his mind and did it her way.
They were in his room when the last of their clothing was tossed aside. He gripped her waist and drew her in for a deep kiss. She moaned into his mouth when he stroked her tongue with his while her hand stroked his hard cock. Xander once again tried to slow down her wild desire, but Faith pulled back and dropped to her knees, gripping the base of his thick shaft with her slender fingers.
Xander moaned sharply when Faith ran her tongue up and down his veined pole, making it glisten with her saliva before she licked the sensitive tip of his member. It wasn’t long before the sexy Slayer took his eight-inch erection in her warm mouth and started sucking on it.
“Ffffuuuccck!” Xander groaned at her soul-sucking suction. He clenched her bobbing head and shuddered while Faith sucked his cock, her head bobbing energetically and making her brunette tresses sway around her flushed face.
Faith raised her eyes and watched Xander as she devoured his swollen prick. His face was one of pure joy as he massaged her sensitive scalp. When he smiled lovingly at her, she dropped her eyes and pressed her face into Xander’s crotch, taking his entire length into her tight throat, almost gagging as her tongue lathered the throbbing pole with her saliva. When Xander felt close and his thick shaft swelled upon his impending release, Faith pulled away, a string of saliva trailing from her shapely crown and her pink lips.
“In me,” she demanded. “I want it inside!”
Xander quickly threw her on the bed, making her moan erotically. He massaged her toned legs as he positioned himself between them, all the while she eyed him hungrily. It was as though she’d gone weeks without eating and couldn’t stand another second without nourishment. Xander pressed his dick at the slick entrance and rubbed his knob up and down her dripping sex, coating him in her juices.
They both moaned in ecstasy as he finally drove his cock into the sexy girl’s tight pussy. Eyes closed, they relished in the close warmth of their union. It had been just as long for Xander, and even though he wanted a more heart-felt experience, he always enjoyed fucking her just as hard as she needed.
Faith tilted her head back when she felt his thick erection push up through her slippery vulva, shoving ever deeper into her tight vagina until his veined shaft filled her. Xander slowly pulled out, dragging his pronounced crown across her sensitive folds. The beautiful girl whimpered, clutching at the sheets with her powerful hands before he buried himself within her again.
“Auummm!” she moaned.
Soon, Xander’s thick prick speared through Faith’s yawning pussy over and over. The bed bucked and vibrated from the force of his thrusts. His cock filled her repeatedly, the petals of her labia lathering the veined sides of his prick with generous amounts of her sex nectar. The sound of meaty clapping filled the room as he pounded into her. Her breaths came in harsh pants, and her breasts jiggled as she felt her orgasm build within her body.
Xander could feel he wouldn’t last long—it had been too long and the sexy beauty was gripping him just right. Xander was nearing the edge and just when he was close, he began vibrating his cock as he stroked her G-spot vigorously. Her eyes snapped open and when Xander impaled his cock in the brunette one last time, the lovers climaxed together. Faith screamed as she arched her back and her pussy clamped down on his manhood. Xander released load after load of hot cum into her womb until they became limp. The perspiration cooled their bodies as they lay close, sharing each other’s heat.
For nearly two hours, their bodies gravitated toward each other several times, culminating in long-awaited orgasms. They went again and again until Faith had to leave, or risk a stern lecture from Joyce.
Xander drove Faith through the deserted streets of Sunnydale, the clean purring of his motorcycle in their ears. As he pulled up to Buffy’s house, they noticed Angel walking away from the residence, his movements tense and guarded. The vampire walked toward them as Faith leaned in and kissed Xander’s cheek before shoulder-checking Angel as she passed him, clearly as angry with him as she was with Buffy. Angel took the high road and said nothing as he walked up to Xander.
“Xander,” he said, his tone a bit icy.
“Angel,” Xander evenly returned.
“I heard you were better,” the tall vampire continued. “It’s good to see.”
“Thanks.” The silence between them grew awkward, making Xander just want to leave, so he said, “I’ll see you around.”
However, before he could, Angel halted him with a question. “From the memories you inherited… did you know Buffy and I wouldn’t be together in the future?”
Xander surveyed the dark, empty street around them, before asking with a hint of disbelief, “You want to do this now?”
“Please,” Angel insisted, his voice tight with emotion.
Hearing that word from Angel told Xander how serious the vampire was. After a moment of consideration, he answered, “… Buffy more or less stays single all the way to the end. That’s how I knew you two wouldn’t, you know… last.”
“And you kept this to yourself?” Angel remarked with no actual heat behind it.
“Would you have stopped if I told you?” Angel didn’t answer and Xander continued asserting, “Just because I know some things about the future, doesn’t mean I’m in charge of other people’s decisions—especially when it comes to their love life. I did what I could.”
“Well, you were wrong,” Angel growled, his ire barely contained.
“I’m not sure there was a way to get it right,” Xander replied, unbothered by the vampire’s irritation.
“Maybe,” Angel glumly replied. Moving on, he informed the teen, “I was planning on leaving. Can you think of any reason I should stick around?”
With a quirked brow, Xander curiously asked, “You mean besides Buffy?” Angel’s silence was very telling, but Xander didn’t care to involve himself with Buffy and Angel’s love life. He simply answered, “Uh, now that I think about it, graduation is supposed to be hell. I should probably start investigating what that’s about. Hopefully, save some lives.”
Nodding, Angel replied, “Understood. I’ll stick around ‘til then.”
“...Kay.”
Before the teen could leave, Angel called, “Xander?”
“Yeah,” he replied, looking at the vampire as if to say, ‘what now?’
“...Sorry I wasn’t there,” he genuinely stated, taking Xander aback. “We may have our differences, but you didn’t deserve to be forced to fight a thing like that on your own.”
Xander was touched by Angel’s words—knowing that the vampire didn’t often show such vulnerability—and replied, “I appreciate you saying that. I can only imagine how much it hurt to admit.”
“And if you ever hurt Buffy, I wouldn’t even feel an ounce of remorse killing you,” Angel warned, his words hanging in the air like a sharp blade, threatening and deadly.
With a sarcastic grin and an unbothered tone, Xander replied, “There’s the gratitude-to-homicide ratio I was looking for. It all evens out.”
“I’m hoping you understand how serious I am,” Angel asserted, dark eyes fixed on the teen and his voice low and menacing. “Don’t hurt her.”
“You mean, like, as a friend?” he asked with a confused expression. “Because, you know, I’m not her boyfriend, Mr. Boyfriend.”
Without another word, Angel turned and walked away, his long coat billowing behind him. Xander watched him go, feeling a mix of irritation and appreciation for the powerful vampire. As Xander left the house, he couldn’t help but glance back one last time and spotted a glint of golden blonde hair suddenly hiding from view. He simply smiled and drove away.
——
The following day, Xander navigated the crowded halls of school, his eyes scanning the throngs of students for any sign of Faith. He spotted her long, dark hair swaying as she hurried through the crowd, keeping her distance from anyone who might try to engage her in conversation. He followed her with his gaze until she disappeared from sight, and he couldn’t help but feel a sense of unease settle in the pit of his stomach.
At lunchtime, Xander made his way to the courtyard, hoping to find Faith and talk to her. As he stepped outside, the bright sunlight hit him like a wave, momentarily blinding him. Blinking rapidly, he looked around and spotted Faith sitting alone under a tree. Her black leather jacket was slung over her shoulder, revealing a tight-fitting tank top that hugged her curves. Her arms were crossed defensively over her chest, and her eyes were focused on the ground in front of her.
Xander sat down beside Faith, their shoulders touching, but she didn’t acknowledge his presence. She seemed far away, lost in thought, which made him worry even more. He gently asked, “You okay?”
“Five-by-five,” she replied in a monotone voice.
Xander could feel something was wrong and replied, “Feels more like two-by-two, if I’m being honest.”
Faith turned to him, her brows furrowed as she asked, “What?”
“You say ‘five-by-five’ often enough, and I’m not going to lie to you…” He leaned in, his voice lowering conspiratorially, “…for the longest time, I had no idea what that meant. I’d just nod my head and smile like I knew, but I didn’t.” At the sight of the small smile on her beautiful face, he felt a flicker of hope and continued. “So, I looked it up. Turns out, in the early days of two-way radio, operators would rate the signal strength by using a scale from one to five. ‘I read you five-by-five’ means hearing a voice at full strength and clarity. So, when you say five-by-five, I now know you mean everything’s good.”
Faith nodded, a hint of a smile still lingering on her face, remarking, “Look at you making an effort.”
“How can I not with a girl like you?” Xander replied with a smile.
Faith looked down, and her voice became serious as she shared, “My old man was a radio operator like his pops before him. He used to say that to me all the time… when times were good, anyway.”
His heart tightened to hear another tidbit of her terrible past. Cautiously, he asked, “So… is everything five-by-five? Or are we getting interference?”
“…I’m just thinking,” she admitted with a sigh.
“Hopefully not about leaving me,” he said, half-jokingly.
Her gaze ahead, she said, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” he teased, and she playfully punched his shoulder.
She became serious again when she admitted, “But I don’t think I’m the best person for someone as good as you.”
Xander’s heart clenched to hear her say that, but he assured her, “I’m not letting you break up with me. I love you to pieces and I’m not letting you go.”
“Buffy is, like, tailor-made for you-”
“Our relationship has nothing to do with anyone else, Faith,” he replied firmly.
“You almost died, Xander! And I nearly lost it!” she practically yelled.
Xander tried to ease her worry, arguing, “Stuff like that is hard for anybody. Don’t beat yourself up-”
“You know what I did after that night?” she interrupted. Her voice shook as she recounted her actions. “I dressed up to attract attention. I’m talking real sexy—tight little dress with all but a neon sign saying what I wanted. I went to a club and found the guy that fit the bill. I let him grab my ass, grind his cock against me, even kiss me, all so he’d take me to his den of vampires. I tossed them a bag of weapons because I wanted to slaughter them, and I didn’t want it to be quick. I didn’t even use Blood/Lust. I beat them bloody with my fists… all so I can avoid feeling so… goddamn scared… of losing you.”
Xander could feel his heart racing as he listened to her confession. He wanted to comfort her, but when he reached out, she slapped his hand away.
“You’re human, you asshole!” she yelled. “Human! And I… I could’ve lost…” Faith trailed off, choking back a sob. It hurt Xander to see her so vulnerable, but he knew how hard a real emotional connection was for Faith. She roughly rubbed her tears away with her fist before asserting, “The others, Buffy, Willow, Cordelia, acted normally. They cried and prayed you’d be okay; that you’d make it through. Me? I slaughter a den of blood-sucking vamp assholes. Who do you think had the proper response in that situation?”
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Xander shifted, rotating to his left so he could face her. He spoke softly, but with a hint of Nox in his voice. “There’s only one reason—just one reason—why we would ever break up, and that’s because you don’t love me anymore.” She turned to him, her eyes and nose red from the overwhelming emotion. He continued, “You had a different reaction from them. So the fuck what, Faith? You’re not the first to be different and you won’t be the last. I’ve done a ton of stupid shit; trust me. Buffy’s done stupid shit. Willow, Giles, maybe not Oz—the man was born too cool for that—but the rest of us? It’s happened or it will happen. Best thing you can do is try not to slaughter alone next time—cuz there’s always going to be a next time—and move on with the people you love, who love you.”
“…You talk like an old man sometimes,” she grumbled, her lips curving into a light smirk.
He smirked before teasing, “Daddy is Daddy for a reason, baby girl,”
With more sex appeal in her husky voice, she replied, “I get so excited when Daddy teaches me things.” Her eyes were half-lidded, and she looked incredibly sexy.
“Oh, Daddy knows and approves,” he hastily agreed, making her smile broaden. “So? Here’s the big question… the one thing that matters: Do you love me?”
She rolled her eyes at the L word. “God, why do you have to be so sappy?” They smiled before she answered, “If that’s the one thing that matters… I think it’s safe to say we’re five-by-five.”
Regardless of the students milling about and the bell about to ring, Xander pulled her in for a passionate kiss under the sprawling oak tree. Their bodies intertwined, and his hands firmly held her waist, drawing her close as they breathed in sync. The warm sun beat down on their faces, making them glow with sweat as their tongues tangled in a dance of passion. The sweet scent of blooming flowers and freshly cut grass mingled in the air, adding to the intoxicating atmosphere. Finally, the sound of the bell broke through their haze, and they slowly pulled away, panting and smiling at each other.
——
After school, Xander took a scale of the Lernaean to Wild Dinks. It was about the size of a book, and his mind played with many interesting ideas and applications. Xander didn’t like the idea of weapons made from the sinister material, but he imagined alarms, armor, and accessories—each made from the mysterious scale—were another story. There were plenty of things he could create. He was an engineer, after all.
That night, Xander and Faith were leaving the cemetery, their steps crunching on the gravel path. To their surprise, they ran into Buffy, who seemed lost in thought.
“B?” Faith called.
“…Hey,” Buffy slowly stated, surprised to see them.
The blonde Slayer had been quiet and reserved since the previous week and was confused when Faith pointed out, “I thought we were covering Shady Hill.”
Genuinely confused, Buffy asked, “Really?”
“Yeah. You said you’d take Restfield.”
“Oh, I thought… Nevermind. Okay,” she said, turning to leave.
Faith turned to Xander and told him, “Give her a lift. I got a shit ton of homework to do, anyway. Ugh! Fucking homework!”
“Alright,” he said before kissing Faith goodbye. Xander walked up beside the blonde Slayer and indicated toward his motorcycle with both hands, saying, “Buffy Anne Summers, your chariot awaits.”
Buffy smiled at that, and they left. Once they reached Restfield, Xander joined her in patrolling. The air was cool and damp, with a faint scent of decaying leaves in the air. The moon cast eerie shadows on the gravestones as they walked past.
“You don’t have to patrol with me,” Buffy offered.
“I want to,” Xander replied, his voice gentle.
Twenty minutes passed in silence as they walked, Xander content to let Buffy open up of her own volition. It wasn't uncomfortable, but he could sense that something was bothering her. He felt like a lighthouse, shining a beam of light to guide her through the darkness. Xander didn’t think he could be uncomfortable anymore. He’d passed a year loop and might even be out of the time braid altogether. Though he didn’t know how it happened, he’d been too content with everything to truly bother him.
“I guess you and Faith are good,” Buffy said, breaking the silence. Eying him as they walked, she relayed, “Heard you two went smooch-city during lunch.”
Xander chuckled a bit before answering, “Yeah, I would’ve preferred if there wasn’t an audience, but we had a moment.”
“I’m a sucker for moments,” she replied wistfully.
“They really hit me in the feels,” Xander agreed. As the wind picked up, he asked with a serious tone, “How are you? I feel like we haven’t talked since last week.”
“We talk,” Buffy claimed. “We talk every day.”
“Yeah, about minor things,” Xander pointed out. “Nothing significant.”
Looking away, Buffy mumbled, “There’s nothing really significant to say.”
“Really?” Xander pressed, eying her closely.
Under his gaze, she hesitated to answer, “Y-yeah.”
Continuing to prod, he gently asked, “Didn’t you have questions you wanted me to answer? Are you still having Slayer Dreams? Are you and Angel okay? Are you and Faith okay? Those are pretty significant, I think. Unless the definitions of significant and insignificant switched places without me knowing.”
Buffy sighed before asking, “Can we just… not talk?”
Xander could sense her distress and felt her pull away, as if trying to distance herself from a painful truth. Like anyone, when it was something she didn’t want to talk about, she would deflect or put up walls to keep herself safe from overwhelming emotions. He sadly recalled many instances of this behavior in previous loops, especially when he was Nox. Fortunately, Xander knew better now.
“We can,” he slowly answered her. Then, rather dramatically, he asserted, “But if we can’t talk, then we must dance!”
“What?” Buffy asked, looking at him incredulously.
With a grin, Xander maintained, “If we’re not talking, then we’re dancing. It’s a law… somewhere. Maybe Uruguay.”
“I’m not dancing,” she argued, but with a hint of a smile. “Just because we’re in a cemetery doesn’t mean this is a Thriller music video.”
“Come on! For me, Buffy, please?” he begged, taking hold of her hand. “Let’s slay the group of vampires I’m sensing forty yards at my one o’clock, then go Bronzin’.” She was quiet and hesitant, so, with puppy-dog eyes, Xander begged further, “Please, please, please. I haven’t been to the Bronze since I got out of the hospital… from my horrible injuries… that almost killed me-”
“Alright, fine! Way to twist my emotional arm,” she said, letting a gleeful Xander pull her toward the waiting vampires.
Unhooking Dreadnought from his back as Buffy unsheathed Slaymore, the pair snuck up to the group of vampires plundering a large mausoleum. There were seven vampires, their eyes glinting menacingly as they focused on their task of watching out for anyone. Thus, they heard before they saw Dreadnought get thrown to the floor in front of them. Xander quickly triggered a large amount of electricity to stun the vampires near it.
In perfect synchronization, Buffy and Xander ambushed the stunned vampires, their movements quick and fluid as they battled through them. Their weapons were an extension of themselves, and they used them with incredible efficiency, dispatching their foes with ease. As they fought, their movements were almost choreographed, each anticipating the other’s moves. Buffy would draw the vampires’ attention with a feint, and Xander would strike from the side, landing a lethal blow. They worked together seamlessly, their movements almost graceful as they dispatched their foes.
Buffy sensed a vampire just before it exited the mausoleum. With a sword in each hand—one long and the other short—the vampire bared its fangs at them before attacking Buffy. The dual swordsman was quick, his blades flashing through the air as he attacked them with ferocity. But Buffy was faster, her Slaymore slicing through the air as she parried his blows with ease. Xander watched in awe as Buffy fought, her movements like a dance, fluid and precise.
In a sudden moment of opportunity, Buffy parried its attack to the side as she lunged forward and sliced off the vampire’s arms, causing it to howl in pain before fleeing. However, the vampire didn’t make it forty yards before the point of Hellguard found its mark, piercing his shoulder blade and sending him to the ground. Buffy quickly followed up with a final blow, dusting the vampire before they returned to the mausoleum.
When they discovered that the swords the vampires were attempting to steal were gone, Xander was disappointed, bemoaning, “Those looked like some damn fine pointy killers.”
Xander and Buffy arrived at the Bronze on his motorcycle, parking it on the curb before entering the club. The last hour of the dance-fest was in full swing, with fast-paced music and strobing lights filling the dimly lit space. The air was electric and pulsing with energy, but Buffy was still struggling with her thoughts. Sensing her unease, Xander removed his stealth jacket, revealing his fitted tee, and took her hand, leading her to the dance floor.
As the music filled their ears, Xander twirled Buffy around, waving their hands in the air like they just didn’t care. He moved to the music with such joy and abandon, hopping and skipping, jiving and shuffling, and all the while, wearing a wide smile on his face. Slowly, Buffy let go of her troubles and began to enjoy herself in the moment.
For the next hour, they danced together, their bodies vibrating with the loud music. But it was the last ten minutes that had them inseparably glued together. Buffy didn’t mind pressing her supple backside against Xander, letting him hold her close by the waist, caressing his strong chest, and feeling his muscular arms around her. At that moment, she let herself go completely, and Xander remembered how good her body felt against his.
When the lights came on, signaling the end of the night, everyone booed and hollered for more fun. But Xander and Buffy slowly separated, their eyes locked in a moment of silent understanding. They left the club without speaking, still feeling the electricity of their dance and the closeness of their bodies.
Xander drove Buffy back home through the quiet streets, the hum of the engine and the occasional whoosh of wind the only sounds to break the silence. When they arrived at her house, Xander turned off the engine and turned to her. “Are you feeling better?” he asked, his voice soft with worry.
Buffy looked up at him, her eyes bright with gratitude. With a hint of startled amazement, she answered, “Yeah, actually. It was just what the doctor ordered.”
“Happy to help,” Xander said with a small smile.
When they hugged, both felt a strange electricity between them, a buzz of excitement that was impossible to ignore. The moment of bright & hopeful possibilities was so palpable, neither wanted to let the other go. They moved away just enough to look into each other’s eyes and Xander couldn’t help emitting a little luminance to his brown eyes, making them appear like embers from a cackling fire. Pressed against each other, his hand caressed her cheek and she leaned into his warm palm.
Though the moment between them begged for a kiss, Xander closed his eyes before saying, “I should probably go before I do something-”
Xander hadn’t realized he was leaning down until their lips touched. But for the warmth of her body heat and her face against his, it seemed as though the world around them disappeared. It was so electric, so enchanting, they both forgot themselves, as if they’d been denying something so primal for too long. Xander only knew time passed when they needed to stop making out to breathe. That respite afforded them a moment of clarity and Buffy stepped back, suddenly realizing what they had done. Without a moment’s delay, the stunned girl rushed into her home.
As an amused Xander watched Buffy speed into her house, he was already preparing to unpin a conversation he had with Faith some time ago and wondered how it would go. As with everything else after escaping the year-loop, he couldn’t help but feel excited at the prospect of exploring their newfound connection.
The next day, Buffy was overly cordial with Xander, and exuded an unusually friendly demeanor toward Faith. They all met up in the library, where they found Wesley Wyndam-Pryce standing beside Giles, deeply engrossed in a conversation about demons. Wesley was a slim man with sharp features, dressed in a well-tailored tweed suit that complemented his form. His hair was immaculately combed, and he wore thin-rimmed glasses that gave him a scholarly appearance. He had an air of expertise and exuded confidence in his knowledge of the demonic world.
With a quirked brow, Buffy asked Giles, “New Watcher?”
Giles confirmed, “New Watcher,” with a nod.
Without hesitation, Buffy flatly asked, “Is he evil?”
Offended, Wesley replied, “I beg your pardon?”
“The last one was evil,” she easily conveyed.
“Ah, yes. I’d heard about that,” Wesley stated, understanding her concern. “Rest assured, there’s nothing to fear. Rupert had me thoroughly vetted.”
Despite Faith’s aversion to the man, they all introduced themselves.
“Mr. Harris,” Wesley began, turning to Xander. “I’ve read a number of rather sensationalized reports about you.”
Furrowing his brow in confusion, he asked, “Reports? There are reports? Of course, there are reports.”
“I do look forward to ascertaining the true extent of your capabilities,” the prim man said.
“Uh, okay?” Xander replied, unsure.
Wesley made sure they understood that while Giles was under review, anything and everything Slayer-related must be reported directly to him. While the uptight man was laying down the new law of the land, Xander was trying to recall the clean-cut Brit from his Old Man memories. He couldn’t even remember his name, only that he replaced Giles when he was kicked out of the council, which meant the man either left the slaying business or must’ve died fairly young.
With a sharp gaze, Wesley said to the Slayers, “Well, as I’m sure none of us are anxious to waste time on pleasantries, why don’t you report on everything about last night’s patrol.”
“Vampires,” Faith answered with a shrug of her shoulders, her leather jacket creaking as she moved.
Leaning forward as if expecting more, Wesley raised an eyebrow as he slowly asked, “...And?”
“Killed them,” Buffy answered matter-of-factly.
A look from Giles prompted Buffy to mention the swords, and Xander chimed in with a detailed description of the weapons.
“You were there?” Wesley asked in surprise.
Giles informed the new Watcher, “Xander often joins the Slayers on their patrols.”
“Right,” Wesley said with a concentrated expression, his thin-rimmed glasses glinting in the light. “To observe, I imagine.”
Xander rolled his eyes at the implication he couldn’t possibly help the Slayers dust vampires. As the conversation turned to the swords, Wesley impressed them all by identifying them as belonging to the Eliminati, a cult of swordsman vampires led by a powerful demon named Balthazar. The stuffy Brit then ordered Buffy to retrieve the amulet that once belonged to Balthazar from the Gleaves family crypt, while Faith continued patrolling.
“And Mr. Harris,” Wesley continued, turning to Xander. “Since you have unique knowledge of the future, you will write down everything you know will come to pass, as well as any individuals of import that you can recall, and hand it in by the end of the week.”
Turning to Giles in disbelief, Xander asked, “How much did you report?”
Giles shook his head as Wesley spoke with an air of entitlement. “Fear not, Mr. Harris. Only three Watchers know this detail about you. Myself, Rupert, and the head of our Council.”
“Screw this,” Faith replied before she attempted to leave.
Xander held her hand and implored with his eyes as much as his voice when he said, “Faith.”
Confused by their reaction to his orders, Wesley asked, “Are you not used to being given orders?”
“Giles always says ‘please’ when he sends us on missions,” Xander told him.
“And he gives us cookies,” Buffy cutely chimed in.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Wesley replied, unbothered by their reservations. The three left and Faith instantly asserted how much she didn’t like the uptight and arrogant watcher. Buffy wasn’t a fan either and snickered when Xander called him the annoying version of Giles. The beautiful blonde quickly stopped laughing when she realized she shouldn’t laugh at his jokes, then left the pair for her chemistry test.
Xander led Faith to the oak tree they often sat under for lunch. The tree’s sprawling branches offered ample shade while the warm sunlight spilled onto the grass around them. They sat down side by side and unpacked their lunches—a BLT for him and a Philly cheese steak sub for her. After a few moments of silent eating, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere, Xander cleared his throat and spoke up.
“So, um, I kissed Buffy last night,” he said, quickly taking a big bite of his sandwich.
Faith’s eyes lit up with excitement, and she leaned forward as she replied, “Wicked! How was it?”
“Uh, damn good,” he cautiously answered. “You heard what I said, though, right?”
Faith nodded, a sly grin on her lips. “I knew she’s been diggin’ you for a while,” she said. “You already told me you love her, and I want in her pants, so, other than trying to convince Buffy to go for this, I don’t see a problem here.”
Growing nervous at the uncharted territory, the confused boy asked, “But… don’t you feel, like, jealous or something? Like, isn’t this messed up for you?”
“No,” she simply answered, shaking her head. “Why? Does it do nothing for you?”
“I think it does too much for me,” he admitted.
“I wouldn’t stress about it,” she assuaged, patting his thigh to comfort him.
“I sorta have to stress,” he informed her. “Guys aren’t this lucky, and the last thing I ever want to do is lose you because I was being a greedy horndog.”
“I think you need to understand something about me,” she sternly began. “I ain’t like most girls. I do what I want and kick ass. Being in a committed relationship isn’t the norm for me. This is way more touchy-feely emotions than I’ve ever gone through, but here I am. More to the point, I swing both ways and I miss the ‘tang. The possibility of bringing Buffy into this sounds like I won the freakin’ lottery, in my opinion. So chill. I’ll let you know if I don’t like something.”
“Okay,” he quickly replied. However, when her words fully sunk in and it felt like she meant them, he repeated, “Okay,” with more conviction. Moving on, he asked, “How do you know Buffy leans that way too?”
“Uh, instinct,” she casually answered with a hint of uncertainty. As she studied Xander’s face, she saw the flicker of recognition and asked, “The question is: why’s it sound like you know she does?”
Xander stilled mid-bite, unsure of what to say, then nervously answered, “I don’t think I should say-”
Faith’s eyes widened as she realized the truth, and quickly blurted, “Future memories!” Scooting closer to him, she quickly asked, “She does something, doesn’t she?”
Xander shifted away, and tried to move the discussion along by saying, “Anyway, I think you should talk to her. She’s been avoiding me.”
“Right. I guess we can talk while we do that ponce’s bidding,” Faith said with some aggravation. “I don’t know why we even listen to Watchers. We’re Slayers. We’re the ones handling business while they sit in their stuffy little room, rubbing one out to ancient texts.” With her right hand, Faith mimicked a Watcher masturbating as she moaned in an English accent, “‘Mnn! Oh yeah! This prophecy for Armageddon is so vague! It could happen tomorrow! Spurt, spurt, spuuuurt!’”
“Uh, gross. So, so very gross,” he said in disgust, putting his sandwich down. “I get what you’re saying, and you’re not wrong, especially out in the field. When Old Me was commanding teams and a field decision needed to be made, it’s the Slayer’s call in his book, which I agree with. But, everyone in the field needs a strategist in the back. It allows them to focus on what’s in front of them while someone else—someone they trust—is keeping an eye on everything else going on. Also, watchers have a different perspective and skillset to fighting evil that often catches stuff you might not think about. Like, how long would it have taken you to figure out those swords belonged to the Eliminati cult?”
“...I guess,” Faith reluctantly agreed. “Maybe I just don’t like his attitude… the fucking ponce.”
With a smirk, Xander remarked, “You’re really digging that word.”
“I’ve never met someone who fits it so perfectly,” Faith proclaimed. “It’s honestly his only saving grace at this point.”
——
As Buffy and Faith dealt with the Balthazar situation, Xander made his way toward City Hall to meet Angel. The night air was cool and the streets of Sunnydale were quiet except for the occasional rustling of leaves in the trees. The moon shone high in the sky, casting a pale glow on everything around them. Xander had a sense of unease as he walked, unsure of what to expect from his meeting with the vampire. Angel had reached out to him and offered to help with the investigation, but given their tumultuous past, Xander couldn’t shake off his irritation for the tall vampire.
As it was important they not be seen, the two figures stealthily made their way to buildings near City Hall. Their clothes were dark, blending in with the shadows of the night. Once they reached their destination, they split up and carefully made their way to opposite roofs. They coordinated their positions through the walkie-talkies to stay in contact and to cover both the back and front of City Hall.
He heard Angel’s voice crackle over the walkie-talkie, breaking him out of his reverie. “Are you certain you don’t remember what the battle was about?”
Lifting the radio to his mouth as he surveyed the quiet building in front of him, he relayed, “I remember a huge fight. The entire graduating class versus a giant snake demon that I think was summoned by the mayor—not sure how that came about, though.”
They made plans to follow the Mayor on Xander’s bike, should Wilkins leave work to go home. However, Xander wasn’t comfortable with a vampire at his back—close to his neck—and the pair bickered about it for a few minutes.
Annoyed, Xander changed the subject and asked, “Have you heard from Spike?”
“We’re not exactly pen pals,” an equally irate Angel replied.
Curious about the outcome, Xander asked, “And Drusilla?”
“They tried. It didn’t take,” Angel somberly answered his unvoiced query. “She’s… surviving, all things considered.”
As they continued to keep a watchful eye on the Mayor, Angel pointed out several vampires openly coming and going from City Hall. Xander couldn’t help but feel a sense of foreboding. The Mayor was definitely up to no good.
—B—
Buffy and Faith chased a sizable group of vampires into the dimly lit and putrid sewers, the stench of human waste permeating their nostrils. The vampires, with their swords unsheathed, proved to be highly skilled and incredibly formidable. However, Buffy and Faith had Slaymore and Blood/Lust. They were quick on their feet, dodging and parrying the vampires’ deadly strikes, but not without getting cut themselves. Blood trickled down their arms, staining their clothes.
Despite their injuries, they continued to press on and managed to take out five of the eight armed vampires, including the one with the amulet. It was a grueling fight for them to escape with the magical artifact. Buffy knew they had to retreat before more sword-wielding vampires arrived. Though Faith hated running, she followed Buffy’s lead. They fought their way to Faith’s bike and managed to escape, racing home with the amulet in their possession.
Buffy and Faith were in the warmly lit bathroom, disinfecting each other’s lacerations with antiseptic. Faith was seated on the counter and both girls had their shirts off, revealing their mostly healed cuts and bruises. If not for their weapons, their cuts would have certainly taken longer to heal.
Gently dabbing the cotton ball of alcohol on the brunette, Buffy hadn’t expected Faith to break the silence, saying, “I heard you kissed Xander, like, lately. Not the other-” Faith winced when Buffy pressed the cotton ball a little too hard on her cut.
“Sorry!” Buffy quickly apologized, though stunned by Faith’s statement. “Sorry. I- uh, you heard?”
Getting off the counter, Faith nodded as she answered, “Yup. He told me you guys kissed last night.”
Buffy was momentarily speechless, her mind racing before stating, “Faith, I didn’t mean to- I mean, I know he’s your boyfriend- And I should’ve told you-”
Faith chuckled, cutting her off with a wave of her hand as she assured her, “Girl, don’t freak out. It’s cool.”
“It- it is?” Buffy asked, eying the brunette with furrowed brows, as if lost. She quickly shook her head and asserted, “No, Faith, it isn’t!”
With a smirk on her face, Faith eyed Buffy confidently as she asked, “You think I’d let Xander and Cordelia knock boots every once in a while if I wasn’t cool with sharing?”
Buffy blinked in surprise, but with one look in her pounding heart, she knew her feelings for Xander weren’t anywhere near a casual fling. It ran much, much deeper. Her palms grew sweaty as she cautiously admitted, “I… I think this might be a little different.”
Faith eyed Buffy closely for a moment before arguing, “He told me how he felt about you from the get-go, B. So, you’re sorta in this relationship too, if that makes any sense.”
With wide eyes of disbelief, Buffy replied with befuddlement, “I can’t express to you how much that really, really doesn’t.”
Faith cleared her throat before hesitantly but brashly confessing, “I’m- I’m not right for Xander.”
Buffy tried to refute, “That’s not-”
However, Faith interrupted her. “Stop,” she firmly said. “Don’t be sweet like him. He looks at me and sees someone I’m not. You know how worked up I get in a fight, like I got a death wish… and I love it. And then he talks to me like I’m the shit, like a stupid hero in one of his comic books... and I can’t take that sometimes,” the beautiful brunette sadly admitted. “He should be with you… not that I want to lose him, either. I know exactly what I’d be without him. One evil bitch.”
Faith’s voice broke as she spoke and her expression was a mix of pain and shame, communicating to Buffy just how much her sister Slayer believed that about herself. Buffy couldn’t accept that and vehemently refuted, “Faith, you’re not.”
Shaking her head to the delusion, Faith asked, “Why do you think he came to get me? He specifically reached out to me—in Boston—not because he knew I’d be the Slayer, but because he knew I’d eventually go bad. I got that in me. I know I do. I could break any day, get so reckless, so caught up that I get someone killed, and I don’t want to but I can feel it.” Buffy hugged Faith but the brunette continued, “I wouldn’t be thinking like this if it wasn’t for him, but I’d die if he left cuz he saw the real me.”
Buffy hugged Faith, feeling tears prick at the corners of her eyes, before emphatically reassuring the saddened girl, “You’re not going to lose him. And you’re not going to lose me either.”
Faith pulled back and told Buffy, “Go out with him.”
Buffy scrunched her face at the absurdity of the request, asking, “What?”
“Just date him,” Faith implored. “Take some of the pressure off me. I’d feel better knowing he’s with you when I can’t sometimes.”
“I- No. Faith, that doesn’t make any sense,” Buffy insisted. “I’m not dating Xander.”
“Why not?” Faith argued. “I know you love him. He loves you right back. What’s the problem?”
“Uh, his girlfriend, for one!” Buffy sarcastically rebuked.
“Uh, his girlfriend is the one telling you it’s okay to be his girlfriend!” Faith returned, matching the same sarcastic tone.
“Well, his girlfriend clearly doesn’t seem to know the meaning of the word,” Buffy staunchly replied. “It’s singular, as in only one.”
With an unimpressed expression, Faith retorted, “There’s supposed to be one Slayer, too, but one guess who changed that.”
Suddenly feeling exhausted, Buffy sighed, feeling as if she was losing this absurd argument. “Faith, I get you’re scared of what could happen, but you can’t let maybes wreck your life,” Buffy said. “We all have dark sides and pushing me toward Xander isn’t going to help you face yours.”
Faith tried to say, “If something happens-”
However, Buffy interrupted, assuring her sister Slayer, “It won’t. I won’t let it.”
Faith didn’t say anything else and Buffy knew she hadn’t convinced her.
—
The following day, in the warmly lit library, Wesley sat at his desk, surrounded by stacks of books and papers. Faith plopped the amulet on his desk while Buffy looked around for Giles. Wesley pushed his wire-rimmed glasses up his nose and took the amulet, examining it closely. He muttered, “Good work,” as he began scribbling notes in a leather-bound book, muttering to himself. The Slayers exchanged a hopeful glance that Wesley hadn’t noticed. Sadly, the girls left the office without the chunky chocolate chip cookies they wanted.
Later that night, Buffy and Faith were at the Bronze, sitting on a couch as they surveilled the dancing crowd. They were fishing for a vampire that had been killing girls it picked up. When Faith suggested they hit the dance floor, Angel showed up. As Faith was still annoyed with him, she went to the dance floor on her own while Angel warned Buffy that Balthazar was still alive.
“I’ve been investigating something else on the side when I came across some information,” Angel explained. “I’ve heard he’s at a packing warehouse on Devereau, and looking for-”
“His amulet,” Buffy finished. “I know. It’s supposed to restore his strength. Don’t worry, we got it.”
“Good,” Angel said, his voice low and despondent. “I have to…”
“Wait,” Buffy called out. He turned to her and they gazed into each other’s eyes, communicating their emotions, their love for one another, but it was different now. Buffy could feel it. Her love for Angel felt in the past. He seemed to understand that as well, breaking their eye contact.
Shaking her head, Buffy abruptly said, “Faith and I’ll do some recon on Balthazar.”
The handsome vampire simply nodded and left. It saddened Buffy that they were in such a state. However, she hoped that, in time, they could be friends once again. Buffy grabbed Faith, and the pair exited the club. Upon staking out Balthazar’s lair, a large group of vampires left the warehouse. Buffy and Faith tracked a group straight to Wesley, walking the streets of Sunnydale.
For some inane reason, he was walking around with the amulet in his pocket. Buffy and Faith stopped their novice watcher from being killed and he promptly ran away from the fight.
—X—
Angel had left to gather any intel on the vampires coming and going from the Mayor’s office and hadn’t returned. Xander continued watching from the dimly lit alley behind the office building across from City Hall, leaning against the brick wall, and scanning the area for any suspicious signs. Suddenly, a man in a business suit holding a briefcase stepped out of the building, flanked by vampire security. Xander’s brows furrowed as he wondered what could be inside the briefcase that would require a security escort.
Without a second thought, Xander followed the man, keeping a safe distance behind. The sound of his footsteps was nonexistent, even in the emptiness of the streets, as he crept closer to the group. He couldn’t help but wonder how he should play the scenario before him. He wanted that briefcase, but he didn’t want to tip off the Mayor just yet.
To Xander’s surprise, the man and his vampire security stumbled on a fight between Buffy, Faith, and a group of vampires. Buffy and Faith were outnumbered by three-to-one against vampires with blades, which made it a brutal battle. Xander assumed they were Balthazar’s men, but couldn’t be certain. No matter the case, Xander rushed toward the fight, unsheathing Hellguard from his lower back.
When Xander arrived, the three he was following were absorbed into the battle. Faith was delivering a deadly blow to a vampire, and as she turned to slice at a body in her blindside, Xander could tell she didn’t realize he was human. Faith accidentally slashed the human man across his chest with her axe. The blade would’ve reached his heart if Xander hadn’t dashed forward in time to pull the ignorant man away from the fatality of the deadly strike. The blow still cut deep into the muscle, sternum, ribs, and possibly the left lung, causing blood to spill freely.
Xander immediately began treating the man’s severe injuries—blood was pouring out of the deep gash—and he didn’t have the time to pay attention to a distraught Faith. As the Slayers finished off the few remaining vampires, Xander put his Odin’s ring on the man—who was in crippling shock—and yelled for him to think about healing as he put pressure on the long gash. After Buffy and Faith dusted the last vampire, they watched in awe as Xander calmly and efficiently tended to the man’s injuries.
“Someone call 911!” Xander yelled, following the procedure he still remembered from his doctor costume.
His fingers were stained with warm blood as he reached for the man’s neck, checking for a pulse. It was weak, but it was there. It was touch and go, and Xander could only react. When it appeared the man stopped breathing, he would administer CPR. When it appeared his heart appeared to be arrhythmic, Xander shocked him with Hellguard. When the ambulance finally came, Xander went with them to the hospital. The man held on through surgery, and before Xander left the hospital, he retrieved his ring.
After retrieving his motorcycle from where he left it, he rushed to Buffy’s house, but Faith wasn’t there. Buffy and Angel saved Wesley and Giles from the demon Balthazar while Xander searched everywhere for Faith. He had searched everywhere for her, but she was nowhere to be found. With no other option, he went to the room she first stayed in at the Motor Inn motel and found her bike parked outside of her room.
Rushing up to the door, he enhanced his senses and could detect trace amounts of her scent. He could hear pacing inside and some pained groans, and knew it was her. Banging on the door, he called out, “Faith! It’s me. Let me in.” After no movement from her, he tried again. “I’m not going anywhere until you let me in.” However, she wouldn’t open the door. Instead, he yelled, “He survived, Faith! You didn’t kill anyone. And nothing you say is going to change the fact that it was an accident. That’s it. We don’t have to say anything else.” After five silent seconds, he asked, “Can I come in?”
Xander heard the clear sound of Faith's footsteps approaching the door, but after several moments, the footsteps retreated, and he heard her sit on the bed with a heavy sigh. He couldn’t deny that it hurt she wouldn’t open up for him, but he knew she was suffering just as much, and more importantly, he’d relayed what she needed to hear.
Restlessly, Xander sat on his motorcycle next to Faith's bike, gazing out into the darkened motel parking lot. He couldn't bring himself to leave without her, and he felt an unease in his gut at the thought of going home alone. The minutes ticked by slowly, each one heavier than the last, until an hour had passed. The shrill ring of his phone broke the silence, and Xander answered to hear Buffy’s anxious voice on the other end.
After explaining everything that had happened and where he found Faith, he hung up and resumed his vigil, eyes flickering up each time a car drove by. Thirty minutes later, Buffy arrived and began pounding on Faith’s motel room door, demanding to be let in. Though he wanted very much to be as stubborn, Xander knew Faith wouldn’t hear what he had to say. Refusing to take no for an answer, Buffy banged on the door until Faith finally relented and opened the door, revealing a disheveled and tear-streaked face.
Faith let Buffy in and closed the door behind her. Though he didn’t want to eavesdrop on their conversation, the walls of the shabby motel were thin, and he could overhear their conversation fairly well even without enhancing his hearing.
Xander heard Buffy say, “He’s waiting out there, you know.”
Shaking her head, and moving away from Buffy, Faith returned, “If he wasn’t there… that guy… that guy would’ve died. I would’ve… I’d be a murderer.”
“But he didn’t,” Buffy quickly argued. “He lived. And you’re not a murderer-”
“I told you!” Faith heatedly warned her. “This is exactly what I deserve!”
“No, Faith, you don’t! This is-” Buffy stopped and walked to the door. Xander was momentarily stunned when the blonde opened it and pulled him inside.
“What are you-” Faith called, but cut herself off to restate, “I don’t want him to see me!” when Xander came inside.
“Whoever said words don’t hurt had a heart made of stone,” Xander tried to joke, but Faith only moved away from him to the other side of the room. Buffy grabbed Faith and pulled her over, the three of them standing in the middle of the room.
Buffy asked Xander, “Tell us. In the future, is Faith good or bad?”
Faith looked away, pained to even hear what would likely feel like a final verdict on the grand totality of her life. Xander had already learned long ago not to bullshit her, and thus answered, “Good.” Faith dared to look at him, skeptical, but Xander’s eyes were serious. He added, “She did bad stuff—hurt and killed people. But, that was because she didn’t have anyone on her side—no friends or family to help her when she needed it. After some time though—and perspective—she eventually wanted to redeem herself, and did a lot of good. You worked with Giles and Angel, and saved a ton of lives, including ours.”
“There!” Buffy hurled at a stone-faced Faith. “It’s a bit of a cheat, but if some higher power didn’t want us to know, he shouldn’t have sent us the best cheat sheet on the planet.” Moving closer to look into Faith’s pain-filled eyes, Buffy continued, “I know you think you deserve this, that you’re somehow too dark to have anything good of your own, but that’s not true. It just isn’t. Even when you go bad, you can’t hide from the good that’s definitely inside you, because ultimately, you’re a good person, and you deserve better. The things you need most in your life, especially right now, are standing right in front of you.”
“And we’re not going anywhere,” Xander asserted, stepping closer to his love.
Looking at each of them, eyes red-rimmed, threatening to spill with an overflow of tears, she harshly voiced in a whisper, “You… don’t know… what I’ve done.”
“It doesn’t matter!” Buffy sternly advocated.
“We’re always going to love you, Faith,” Xander assured Faith. “No matter the hell you’ve gone through, or the hell yet to come. I know you. And even if you think it’s cheesy, I love you to death—always.”
Faith was speechless. As she looked at Xander and then at Buffy, she didn’t know how to respond to their genuine care for her, their conviction of being there for her, and whatever walls she had up, had broken. She started to cry, tears streaming down her face. Buffy and Xander were right there, holding her tightly, comforting her, so she didn’t feel like she would fall apart as she wept.
“It’s okay,” they whispered, their voices soothing. “We got you,” and, “it’s not your fault.” They spoke comforting words as many times as she needed to hear them, until she eventually fell asleep. Xander gently tucked her into the bed, and Buffy called her mother to let her know they were staying the night. The room was filled with the soft breathing of three people, their bodies entwined, offering comfort and support to one another.