The Potential Path
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It wasn’t difficult for Xander to grasp Cordelia and Willow’s concerted effort to give Buffy and himself more time together. For five minutes, Xander assumed that Cordelia and Willow were simply getting along and doing more activities together. However, he figured out the truth when he would spot them secretly watching from afar. He’d expected the girls to attempt breaking the time braid, though, forcing Buffy on him like this didn’t seem likely to work. Xander still had his hangups when it came to her, and Buffy shared some apprehension.
The Slayer was quiet for most of their time together. On some level, Buffy seemed to support the plan as she walked with him to and from class, sat next to him, and ate lunch together. They kept their banter light and fun, all to Willow and Cordelia’s frustrations. With his sharp eyes and decades of experience, Xander could tell they wanted Buffy to do more when the girls huddled together, which only made him laugh. Xander imagined Buffy was deep in thought, trying to reconcile the two sides of him. Xander was the doormat best friend, and Nox was the cocky fuck toy she could rely on.
It wasn’t until they were patrolling Sunnydale Cemetery together—at Giles’ insistence—that Buffy eventually worked up the courage to say, “I haven’t thanked you yet… for telling me about my mom.”
“It’s cool, Buff,” he said with his typical smile. As they leisurely walked past tombstones to the one they were looking for, he asked, “How’s she doing?”
“She finished the last of her treatments,” Buffy said. “She’ll need to watch her blood pressure, but she’s better, thanks to you.”
“Sweet,” Xander replied. “Keeping Mama Summers around for as long as possible is like rainbows, puppies, and sunshine all rolled into one.”
“You are not wrong,” she humorously agreed. “She wants to treat you to dinner, by the way.”
“What for?” he asked with a raised brow.
“Obviously, I told her you were the one who suggested the checkup,” Buffy informed him. “She’s been hoping to thank you.”
“You didn’t have to tell her.”
“I wanted to.”
Xander eyed the blonde beauty and truly saw how genuine the invitation was. He sternly nodded, replying, “Okay. But… can there be twinkies?”
“It might take a bit of begging, but I’m sure we can swing it,” Buffy returned with a smile.
After several seconds of awkward silence passed, Xander asserted, “You know you don’t have to, right?”
Buffy eyed him curiously before asking, “Have to what?”
“Feel pressured to do something you don’t want to,” he answered.
“I’m not feeling pressure,” she assured him. “No pressure here. This is a pressure-free zone.”
Grinning, he happily expressed, “I know you, Buffy. You’d chop off your own arm if it meant saving a life. So, let me be clear: I don’t want you to start anything between us because you felt forced to. I’m only looping the same year for all eternity here. I’m not actually dying.”
Buffy walked beside him in silence, mulling over his words. It was until they were on their way back to his bike that she finally said, “Giles thinks that if you keep looping like this, you’ll lose yourself more and more… until you don’t care about anything anymore.”
Xander nodded in agreement, and added, “I could be an evil dictator, kill countless people, and destroy society as we know it, all just so I can feel something. I know. Merlin told me the same thing.”
“Merlin?” the blonde repeated in surprise. “As in the Merlin? How?”
Xander quickly explained dressing like him for Ethan’s Halloween curse, and having a conversation with the legend. “Like being pen pals with one of the greatest wizards in history.”
“Woooow,” Buffy sang. “Have you told Willow yet?”
“And give her a heart attack? No, no. Some things need to be said in the right moment; like if she’s ever accidentally shot with a tranquilizer dart.” Buffy laughed as he played out the scenario, “Willow! Willow, are you okay? Oh, by the way, I talked to Merlin in a bunch of my loops.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if her adrenaline kicked in and kept her awake long enough to grill you for details,” she jokingly replied.
“Probably.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Is it the thing you’ve been wanting to ask me for the past few days?”
“…Maybe?” Buffy hesitated to reply, eying him with raised eyebrows.
He chuckled before stating, “Shoot.”
The anxious girl took a deep breath before asking, “When you were Nox, you said you understood what I was going through. What did you mean by that, exactly?”
“I’ve seen you lose Angel more times than I can count,” Xander began explaining. Turning to her and surveying her face closely, he emphasized, “I’m so familiar with your loss; it’s second nature to me. You carry yourself throughout the day like you’re hanging from a meat hook, and that light in your eyes is completely gone. I think that’s the saddest part; when that spark is gone, but you act like it’s not a big deal.”
“I don’t act like that,” Buffy protested. “I just don’t want you guys to worry.”
“I know,” Xander easily agreed. “I get it. I’ve also felt the same loss.”
“…With Cordelia?” Xander eyed her in surprise, and Buffy clarified, “She mentioned you two always date in the loops. It seems like you’ve been with her the longest.”
“I have,” Xander confirmed. “I love her, no doubt.”
“Really? Cordelia?” a stunned Buffy asked. “Wow.”
Xander snorted before asserting, “Believe it or not, she’s a sweetheart.” At Buffy’s wide eyes of disbelief, he added, “I’m serious. She just doesn’t want to let you know she is.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” Buffy replied with a small smile. “So why not with Cordelia? I mean, if you love her, you should be with her.”
“How should I put this?” He asked himself. “Mmmn, you and Angel were each other’s priority. Cordelia and I are like each other’s option. Even though we found something together, and can have a lot of fun, we’re not each other’s first choice—never have been, never will be—which is why it’s always easy for us to break up. It’s why I always try to make sure we’re good.”
“I didn’t know,” Buffy softly replied. Xander simply shrugged, and they continued walking toward his bike. After a moment, she asked, “So, if not Cordelia, then who?”
“You, Buff,” he easily answered. “You were always my priority,” he added, halting Buffy in her steps.
However, Xander continued walking. She caught up with him a minute later and the pair got on his bike and rode to the second cemetery. Xander was sure she was thinking the entire way to their next destination. After they got off the bike and made their way into Sunnydale Cemetery, Buffy tentatively asked, “So, we… uh, fall in love?”
He chuckled before replying, “You may have been my priority, but I was always your second, third, or fourth option,” Xander huffed in amusement. At her queer facial expression, he clarified, “You didn’t need to be in love with me for me to lose you.” Buffy nodded, easily understanding unrequited love. “But while we’re on the topic,” Xander continued. “I need to ask: Do you want me to stop being Nox?”
Confused by his query, she reminded him, “I mean, I already know you’re-”
“When I loop back,” he interrupted. “Would you rather I never be Nox, or maybe just stop anything sexual from happening between us?”
Buffy stopped walking and paused for a moment, absorbing the question. She looked worried to Xander, unsure of what she wanted. He wondered if she subconsciously enjoyed being treated that way. He hated thinking that Spike was right about Buffy, but as she hesitated to answer—to deny the rough way Nox treated her—it was harder to ignore.
In a hopeful tone, she pointed out, “Maybe you won’t loop back.”
“…Maybe,” he said, more for her than himself. “I’m riding this one out to see what the official end of the year-loop is. It’s somewhere after your birthday, but before February.”
“Okay, stop,” she said, grabbing his elbow. “There’s nothing saying that you’ll loop back, so stop talking like that.”
Xander saw all the hope in her greenish-blue eyes and wished he felt the same. He wished he felt anything at the moment, as it seemed like she really didn’t want to lose him. However, his heart was unresponsive.
Placing his hand over hers, he admitted, “I don’t know what else to say, Buff. I need to think about getting out—about the next step—or else I will go crazy dictator mode. I can feel it, too. It’s right there,” he said, patting his chest, then moving up his neck as he added, “and it’s always getting closer. Having hope hurts too much. So, just give me the yes or no on Nox.” She seemed dejected to hear that, but Xander blew her mind when he informed her, “And you should know, if your answer is no, there’s a high chance you’ll just do the same thing with Spike.”
“HUUAACK!” Buffy gagged loudly, tongue out, dry heaving a moment before yelling, “WHAT! NO! NO! NO!” Blonde strands swayed left and right as she shook her head violently, likely envisioning it as she yelled, “THAT’S- THAT’S GOT TO BE A LIE!”
“Trust me, I wish with every fiber of my being that it was,” he voiced.
Xander grabbed the upset blonde roughly, and she was surprised when he pinned her against the nearby tree, pressing his pelvis into hers with a hand to her throat. Though she seemed ready for anything, his mildly glowing eyes arrested any movement to free herself. Buffy let him keep her body wedged between him and the tree. At the heat building between them, her breathing quickened, and with the blush in her cheeks, Xander knew where Buffy’s head was.
“Part of the reason Nox was so forceful was because Spike was exactly the same way,” he revealed, flashing his eyes whitish-blue. “Hurting as badly as you were, for as long as you were, even a fucking asshole like Spike felt better than that poison suffocating you, especially after an entire day of faking smiles for your friends or pretending to be interested in anything. You wanted someone to manhandle you, Buffy—to break you physically as much as you felt broken in here,” he finished, tapping her chest above her heart.
Buffy looked so distraught, she couldn’t speak. Xander understood, and leaned back a bit before stating, “I didn’t want Spike to do that this time, so I did. But, unlike him, I wanted you to get better; to move on from the bad boy. Spike wanted you to stay the same, to stay angry and hurt, so you’d always need him.”
“...I can’t believe that,” the sickened girl bemoaned.
“We fought in this loop, Buffy,” he reminded her. “Remember? You were hitting me, I was hitting you. We rolled around on the ground, all because you didn’t want to tell me about Angel. And then what did we do?”
Eying him in complete shock, she gasped, “That’s… how it happened? With him?”
Nodding, Xander remarked, “That asshole was happy to tell me how I’d never measure up, too.”
“Ugh, I really feel sick,” she weakly voiced, gripping her stomach and cupping her mouth.
“A few things: One, that’s the proper response to that information,” Xander affirmed. “Two, I killed him loads of times for this express reason. Three, it wasn’t Spike this time. It was me… if that’s any consolation. Four, and most importantly, there’s nothing particularly wrong with you or your feelings towards me, Angel, or even Spike.”
“Spike, Xander,” she bemoaned, pushing him away. Raising rigid hands, she reiterated, “Spike! If what you’re telling me is true, then no, there is something very wrong with me-”
He rested his hands on her shoulder and leaned down to look her in the eyes as she said, “No, there’s not. Trust me. I’ve had the longest time to wonder what was wrong with you. Why couldn’t you just be with someone good—and breathing—who’d love you as much as you loved them? But that’s too idealistic in a world like this. It denies a side of you that is there, no matter how dark it may be. Eventually, I realized I was only seeing the parts of you I wanted and ignoring the rest.”
“If Spike is the destination to some sides of me, I’d rather cut those out with a dirty hacksaw, thank you very much,” she fiercely stated.
Xander huffed in amusement before assuring her, “Spike isn’t the destination. At the most, he was a rest stop—a creepy one. It was just… you had no one, Buffy. In your eyes, I was too immature; you didn’t want to disappoint Willow or Giles, and your mom doesn’t know. You didn’t have a single person to turn to. I know what that hell’s like. It makes me do crazy things, too. This time around, I chose to be what you needed, even if… it wasn’t how I wanted it.”
Buffy focused on that and cautiously asked, “Did you… hate doing that? Being that… aggressive?”
“…No,” he said evenly. “It’s another side of you, and I’m done living the world with rose-tinted glasses on.”
Xander could see the turmoil in her eyes and felt her pull away. It seemed to Xander she was ready to run, which wasn’t surprising. Buffy needed time to process, and couldn’t do so in front of him. Xander removed his hands from her shoulders, but before she could leave, they heard a distant scream. The pair spent much of the night fighting the occasional vampire together, but Xander could tell she was distracted the entire time.
Later that night, Xander was surprised to return home and find Cordelia’s car parked outside his house. Once inside, he smiled at the sight of her sleeping in his bed. He then showered, changed, and moved to join her. Xander always looked forward to the morning when she was there holding him, but then he thought of Buffy and wondered if this was wrong. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Cordelia. Rather than risk it, Xander stepped away, grabbed a pillow & blanket, and slept on the floor, where she found him in the morning.
She poked his cheek until he woke up, and asked, “Uh, why are you sleeping on the floor?”
Stretching as he sat up, he answered, “Cuz sleeping next to you now isn’t the same as before.”
“What’s changed?” she asked, looking down at him off the edge of the bed.
“You know what I did with Buffy,” he softly answered. “I might be stuck in a time loop, but I still happen to know it’s not right to take advantage of you-”
Cordelia shuffled forward as she grabbed his head and kissed him, shutting him up for several moments. When she pulled away, the baffling girl sarcastically asked, “Do you really think I didn’t know you have some sick obsession with her? It’s so obvious, it’s painful. But that’s not what this is about.”
“Then what’s this about?”
“You said we had each other’s back,” she reminded him.
“Yeah…”
“Well… I don’t want you to wake up alone.”
Xander grew quite fearful then. This was her way of helping him, and it gave him hope he didn’t want. Xander didn’t want to get used to the comforting warmth of waking up next to someone he loved, because, when that inevitably went away, only his dark thoughts remained. Waking up alone hurt too much to imagine, but he shook that nightmare from his mind and smiled weakly at her. Cordelia didn’t seem to like his reaction and pulled him into the bed.
The sexy cheerleader laid on his legs, her face above his crotch, and told him, “Let’s not forget: love or no love, you’re still single.”
She then gave him one of her very best blowjobs before he fucked her into oblivion on his bed. Even rushing to school, they were still late, but they had fun, as they tended to do.
Xander spent the rest of the week talking with Giles, Willow, Cordelia, and Oz about many of the things he had done. Oz was casually surprised Xander hadn’t picked up an instrument in the hundred years he’d been looping. After Cordelia’s father rebuffed her strong warning about getting ahead of his tax evasion, Xander helped Cordelia melt all the gold rings she had collected from the magical ring he’d given her, and buried the gold bars in her backyard. It was unclear if any money she deposited in her account would be seized by the IRS, so she preferred not to risk it.
Willow nearly hyperventilated when she discovered he had spoken to Merlin many times. Her knees buckled, and he had to hold her up as she tried to ask him several questions at the same time. Immediately after that, Jenny, Giles, and Willow wanted to learn everything he knew about the legendary wizard, including his spells and rituals. The three magic users often brought him a spell to look over and asked for any thoughts on how Merlin would tackle it. Xander may not have been suited to wielding magic, but it was amusing to have the smartest people he knew seeking knowledge about it from him.
The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Buffy remained casually reserved, keeping their conversations light and fun as she likely thought about their last conversation. Xander imagined she was reflecting repeatedly on her shortcomings when it came to her choices in men. It wasn’t long before the newest Slayer came to Sunnydale, on the Greyhound from Boston.
Dreadnought in hand, Xander was patrolling his fourth cemetery, leisurely killing any vampires he came across. He was walking back to his bike when he heard doors closing and noticed Oz’s van. Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia all got out and his mild curiosity was quickly answered when he saw the leather-clad brunette behind them. Xander guessed Faith had run into them at the Bronze—as she had in previous loops—where she killed a vampire in front of them, and outed herself as the third Slayer. Oz must’ve driven them from cemetery to cemetery until they’d spotted Xander’s bike in the empty parking lot.
“Faith?” Xander called out, hooking his battleaxe to the clasp at his back. She smirked and nodded back before he asked, “Holy hell, what are you doing here? Why didn’t you call? I would’ve picked you up.”
Rather than remaining cool and aloof, halfway to him, her face morphed into one trying to hold back tears. The hard knock girl from Boston, who had suffered a hard life, hugged him desperately, as if he was her last lifeline. His friends saw him wince at the tight embrace, but he called on his ring’s power to help numb the pain and heal the deep tissue bruising as he hugged her back. Eventually, she let go and quickly wiped her eyes, trying her best to hide her vulnerable expression.
Faith asked if they could talk alone and Xander called it a night. After the Scoobies arranged to meet in the library before school started the next morning, Xander and Faith got on his motorcycle and drove away. When they entered his warm and cozy home, he gave her the grand tour.
After closing the door of the master bedroom, Faith remarked, “Wow, so they really did leave, huh?”
“You didn’t believe me?” he asked, leaning against the hallway wall.
“Hearing it and seeing are two different things,” she simply put.
The moment of silence dragged on, and it was apparent Faith was uncomfortable with it. She was holding in something terrible, and he didn’t need to guess to know what must’ve happened again. Watcher Dormer had been killed.
“So…?” was all Xander asked, and she told him everything. As he feared, Kakistos still managed to kill her Watcher in front of her eyes, and Faith still maimed the ancient vampire. The scared Slayer then escaped to the only place she thought to be safe: Sunnydale.
Leaning on the opposite wall, Faith struggled to admit, “I didn’t listen to you.” She sighed before banging her head hard enough to dent the wall. “Sorry!” she said, but Xander waved it away, assuring her it was fine. After a moment, she confessed, “I got hasty… lost my cool… then the bastards got the better of me, and… and r-ripped Dormer in half.” Faith grabbed his hand and asserted, “I need a weapon, Xander. I need a weapon like yours if… if I’m ever going to kill those fuckers.”
Xander nodded in understanding, though she thought he was agreeing until he replied, “You don’t need a weapon like mine, actually. But I’m still going to make you one.”
“I knew I could count on you-”
“For a price.”
She smiled seductively before realizing who she was talking to and became suspicious. She cautiously asked, “…The kinda price I’m thinking about, or the kind of price your corny ass would think about?”
“Mine,” he answered with a grin, making her roll her eyes. “And for your information, there’s nothing corny about the unbridled power of love and friendship.”
Rolling her eyes, she groaned, “Ugh, how am I friends with such a cheesy Care Bear?”
Playfully cocksure, he answered, “Because the D is strong with him.”
She snorted before continuing. “Fine, what? We getting matching friendship bracelets now?”
“Oh, much worse than that,” he assured her with a grin. “I want you to give my friends a chance. I know you don’t trust easily, but I got some of the good ones. Just give ‘em a chance to show you they can be trusted.”
“God, you’re so sappy,” she exclaimed, shaking her head in good humor. “So sappy.”
He chuckled before teasing, “If you really try, there’s something good in it for ya.”
She eyed him skeptically before asking, “My kind of good, or your kind of goody-goody good?”
“Good for the both of us,” he answered. Smiling seductively, Faith leaned against Xander, gazing at him sensually as she pressed her breasts against his chest. With a curl at the corners of his lips, he mischievously answered, “Four new friends that’ll always have your back.”
Faith rolled her eyes and stepped away as she yelled, “What? D’you turn gay since that night?”
Xander laughed at her irritated outburst for a moment before stepping closer to her and stating, “Faith, I only enjoy having sex when it’s about fun and comfort. Not to help someone forget how scared they are about a really big bad that murdered one of the few good people in their life.”
The brunette stepped even farther back, yelling, “I’m not scared! What do I have to be scared of!? I’m going to bed!”
She turned to leave before realizing she didn’t know which room she would be staying in.
“The one on the left,” the amused boy called out.
Faith slammed the door behind her, and though she was mad, he smiled because he felt she would be alright. Xander used the extra time to stitch his Armor Wear runes, ܢܪܗܐܕܛܥ—or airtida' aldurue, which roughly translated to armored garb—on his tank top. He figured he could wear the undergarment most of the day, and should it work as well as he hoped, the thin material would protect nearly all of his major organs.
The Scooby Gang all met in the library the following morning, and Xander introduced Faith to Giles. Buffy, Willow, Oz, and Cordelia sat at the long table, and Giles stood behind them. Faith was next to Xander at the foot of the table as he explained the gist of what had happened to the newest Slayer and her Watcher.
“Terrible news to hear,” Giles stated sadly, removing his glasses. “I knew her only by reputation, but her long tenure as a Watcher was well respected amongst her peers.”
“That’s Giles-talk for she’ll be missed,” Xander translated for Faith.
“Oh,” Faith said before turning to the Englishman and replying, “Uh, thanks.”
Looking between Xander and Giles, Buffy asked, “Should we be worried about this Taquitos guy?”
Giles corrected his charge, saying, “Kakistos. And yes, very much so.”
Buffy turned to Xander for confirmation—looking for the future insight his looping provided—and he answered, “We can’t slack off when we go up against him, but we’ve survived worse.”
Pointing at Faith with her chin, Cordelia asked Xander, “Does she know about you?”
Curious, the Bostonian turned to him and asked, “Know what?”
With fluttery blinking eyes, he answered in a cutesy way, “That I’m special.” Faith rolled her eyes, with the smallest smile gracing her lips as Xander turned to Giles and asked, “I was hoping you could train her with Buffy? I’ll help if you need.”
“Well, I-I-I certainly wouldn’t turn away your expertise,” the twitchy Watcher replied. “A-and Buffy could use an adequate sparring partner.”
Faith raised her palm as she asked Xander more than the others, “Not for nothing, but wouldn’t a wicked axe be better? All I need is good, sharp steel in my hand, and I bet I could chop ‘em up before dinner gets cold.” Turning to Buffy, she quickly added, “Not that I don’t appreciate a good brawl.”
Recalling his trip to Boston, Xander replied, “You remember when we first sparred? And I whooped your booty? I mean, wiped the floor with you. Even though you’re stronger-”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” the competitive Slayer heatedly interjected.
He leaned in closer, and tapped her temple as he sagely explained, “You gotta be a weapon up here, Faith.” Leaning back, he continued, “And Giles can teach you that, so even if you don’t have a hunk of steel in your hand, you’re still the most dangerous girl around.”
“Well, second most dangerous,” the other competitive Slayer couldn’t help but correct.
Faith turned to Buffy and didn’t back down from the challenge, smiling cockily as she asked, “Oh, that so? Care to put your money where your mouth is, Barbie?”
“While I appreciate the enthusiasm,” Giles stated, cutting off the rising tension between the Slayers, “I’d first like to assess your current skill level.”
Faith looked at Xander, pleading with her eyes to avoid this. He just said, “Please? For me, your Xander-Bear.” Faith snickered before reluctantly nodding. She stayed to train with Giles while everyone else went to class.
Xander warned the gang how Kakistos and his men were going to come at them, and how they were going to herd them into an abandoned warehouse. Until then, Xander would help Faith in any way he could, beginning with her weapon. Standing over his forge, stoking the fires, he already knew what she’d love to wield, and heated broken pieces of an old, enchanted sword—used by an Aztec Slayer—to temperature. Luckily, there was enough material for what Xander wanted to make.
When thinking of Faith, he felt she was a wild, unorthodox kind of fighter, and wanted her weapon to reflect that. Though she liked his battleaxe, he felt she would like something shorter, better, with a long enough blade to slice a vampire’s neck clean off with one stroke. He also envisioned her with a weapon in each hand, which only added to the complexity of the rune work. The weapons needed to be of one ‘mind’ but separate, like two devices connected via Bluetooth.
After work, Xander returned to the library to spar with the hot Slayers. He had sparred with each of them before—in this loop and previous ones—but never with an audience who knew about the time braid. From the elevated portion of the library, Cordelia, Willow, and Oz watched Xander, Faith, Buffy, and Giles. Xander and Faith took turns fighting Buffy on the blue mat, so that Giles could explain technique and tactics to the brunette Slayer, while Xander kept Buffy warm. Giles also used Xander and Buffy’s sparring as an example of good strategy and thinking on the flybetter tactics.
Xander and Buffy never fought going all out, as he didn’t want them to trash the library. In their light sparring—when he covered her, pinned her down, or their faces would be right next to each other—he felt charged moments between them. Perhaps she was recalling their intimate moments together, especially after they were physical. The pair would pause on top of one another, feel the spark, and a blushing Buffy would pull away. Whether she was embarrassed because of the audience or due to discomfort, Xander took it in stride.
On the fourth day after the third Slayer’s arrival, Buffy and Faith were attacked by more vampires than they could handle. The girls were corralled by teams of vampires toward the closed factory where Kakistos and Mr. Trick appeared. Xander had been following them since the beginning and, with his camo scarf and glowing eyes, began attacking vampires from behind them. Buffy let Faith handle Kakistos and only interfered when absolutely necessary. Faith was initially scared of the elder vampire. However, just like in previous loops, she summoned the courage to fight and slayed the cloven-limbed vampire with a heavy wood beam through the heart.
After the dust settled, Faith was so excited she wrapped her arms around Xander’s neck, and regardless of Buffy’s presence, kissed him in front of her. Xander was a little surprised, and one eye turned to Buffy’s completely shocked expression. After a few seconds, Xander pulled away from the exuberant brunette, and though she apologized, she seemed too worked up after getting her revenge on Kakistos to actually be apologetic.
“Sorry,” she said to them. The girl was bubbling with energy as she added, “I usually get hungry or horny after a fight, and that was one hell of ah fight! I mean, did you see me stake that thing with a twelve-foot pole?!”
“It’s fine,” Buffy affirmed, nodding in clear accord. “I get it… the hungry part!” she quickly added, her eyes growing wide in fear they might think she meant horny. “The hungry part- I’m going home.”
Buffy turned to leave as a seductive Faith glanced at him with wanton eyes, “We should do the same.”
The invitation couldn’t have been clearer. However, Xander waved for the blonde girl as he told Faith, “Actually, before that, I have to tell you something. Buffy, can you stay? She’s either going to hit me or want to stay somewhere else.”
Eying him curiously, Faith asked, “What are you talking about?”
Buffy realized what he was going to do when Xander asked, “You remember when Cordelia asked if you knew? You asked, ‘knew what?’”
“And you said you were special needs.”
“Minus the needs part, but yeah.”
Xander then explained knowing who she was because of the time braid and using what he knew about her to position himself to be friends. It didn’t surprise him when Faith stayed with Buffy that night and learned the details of what Xander was going through from her fellow Slayer. She stayed away from him in the days that followed and talked to Willow, Giles, and even Cordelia about him.
After a week, she went to Wild Dink's to see him. He was in the middle of making her weapons, but she didn’t seem to care. All of her deviant affection and warmth toward him was gone. He could see the trust was broken in her irate and skeptical eyes. Everything he’d tried to do to help her—to be an anchor for her—seemed on the brink of disappearing. She was there to talk, so he set down the dark red billet, allowing it to cool, wrote down where he left off in the process, and took a break. He led her to the back of the forge, where the crew generally hung out on the good days or tested the sharpness of a blade. He leaned against the table and waited for her.
Near to glaring as a person can be, the bitter brunette asked, “Did you at least feel like shit keeping all that from me?”
“Honestly, no, not really,” he honestly admitted. Xander knew his continual lack of sympathy and feelings was becoming a problem, but other than breaking out of the time braid, he didn’t see another way of solving it. He continued, “I didn’t tell you about the time loop, true, but that doesn’t change the fact that our parents are a disappointment. I still care about you, and I still want you to know you can trust me.”
Irate, she hollered back, “How the hell am I supposed to trust you when you’ve been lying to me this entire time!?”
“Because I told you-”
“You knew Dormer was going to die!” she yelled, clearly showing how much she cared about her Watcher.
Remaining calm, almost indifferent to her obvious expression of anger and betrayal, Xander replied, “I know a lot of people that die. I can’t save everyone, Faith. Just like I can’t stop every bad thing from happening. I knew you needed help, so I helped. That’s it.”
“Well, you did a shit job,” she hurled back.
Nodding, he replied, “You won’t hear any argument from me.”
Her face was full of disgust and disappointment. She saw him as worse than a stranger, and Xander couldn’t be sure why. Her reaction seemed excessive. However, she didn’t explain further, so after some moments of silence, Xander returned to work. Four hours later, he was surprised to find her waiting for him at his house. She was on his porch when he walked up.
“Can you really not get out?” she asked.
“Want to come in?” he replied. Faith ignored the request and stayed put, waiting for an answer. With a sigh, Xander dropped his backpack on the ground and replied, “Nothing I’ve done so far has worked.”
Faith mentioned, “Willow thinks Buffy’s the key, or something.”
“Maybe, maybe not,” he said. “Willow’s a bit of a romantic.”
Skeptically, she asked, “You’ve talked to other versions of me? Which is why you thought you knew me?”
“I do know you,” he asserted. “It’s just not in the traditional way. You gotta remember: I’m a stranger to everyone who meets me, but no one’s a stranger to me. How do you expect me to be honest about something like that without freaking people out?”
Faith didn’t seem to have an answer for that. However, she hotly returned, “I’m still pissed at you!”
“Understandable,” the apathetic boy accepted.
“And you’re really fine with that?” she questioned, and again, was surprised by how little he cared. At his nod, she continued, “Willow said it’s because you have no hope of beating this thing. Which sucks, cuz what she really can’t see is that you’re nothing but a coward and a quitter!”
Faith left after that and stayed with Buffy for a short while before returning to the Motor Inn on Olive Avenue. The hard-boiled brunette was cordial with him after that, but Xander could tell whatever connection they had once shared was gone the moment he lost her trust. No more friendly banter, sexual innuendo, sparring, or even patrolling together. She had cut him off.
In the library some days later, the Scoobies were seated at the center table of the library, as if it were a council meeting, going over the list of future conflicts Xander had made for them. Rather than share the paper, Giles read aloud, “Big monster killing; SlayerFest is about assassins and not festive at all; Sewer snake monster wants to eat babies; Fu- oh, dear. Uhh,” Giles eyed Xander with concern before self-censoring, “An expletive toward Spike. That… prima donna kicks up a fuss because Drusilla won’t coddle him.”
“You really don’t like Spike,” Jenny pointed out.
“Understandable,” Buffy remarked with a nod before shivering.
Giles cleared his throat before continuing, “There’s a Sunnydale witch hunt in January. And on Buffy’s birthday, the Watcher’s Council are… dicks- Really, Xander? Could you be less helpful?”
He shrugged before explaining Buffy’s birthday situation was the farthest he’s ever gotten. Then he offered them the choice of actions their group could take.
“Either let it happen to a certain point, or stop it before it even starts,” Xander bluntly asserted, leaning back in his chair. They looked at him as he added, “Keep in mind: if you stop it before it starts, it’s like giving the bad guys another chance to get it right.”
“Why?” Buffy wondered aloud. “If we slay-slay-slay, or get them arrested, then it should be no problem.”
“Then you’re killing someone who hasn’t done anything yet,” Willow reasoned with deep consideration. She also pointed out, “And you can’t arrest someone who hasn’t committed a crime yet.”
“Stopping what happens doesn’t stop why it happens,” he simplified, standing up to address them. With flourishing hand gestures, Xander sounded like a game show host as he voiced, “Just like our next contestant on the Price is Evil, Mr. Pete Clarner! Come on down! He, through the power of love and stupidity, created a potion to be more masculine for his girlfriend-”
Acquainted with Pete, a curious Buffy asked, “Debbie Foley?”
“Yeah, some of you know them from class,” he acknowledged. “After taking this potion a bunch of times, he turns himself into an aggressive monster that eventually kills people, including Debbie.”
“How’d we stop him last time- er, I mean, in a previous loop?” Faith asked.
“Once he was in full-on rampaging mode as Mr. Hyde, he got his neck snapped—most of the time, by Angel, but sometimes by me or Buffy.” Xander answered. “So, it’s up to you guys. Decide how you want to handle it, and we’ll do it that way.”
Oz repeated Willow’s observation. “But he’s done none of that yet, so it’s not like we can take him out or get him arrested.”
“This is quite the moral dilemma,” Giles thoughtfully remarked. “At the moment, Mr. Clarner is only a potential transgressor. He has done nothing to warrant our involvement. However, if we delay-”
“He kills Debbie and other people before we do something?” Buffy finished, giving him a queer eye.
“That is, of course, too far,” Giles assured the blond. “But we obviously can’t do anything too extreme before he even attempts an evil act.”
“Yeeesh,” Cordelia commented, before asking Xander, “Is this what you’ve been dealing with?”
“It’s a little easier when you accept the fact you can’t save everyone,” Xander answered her, saddening Willow. “Assume you stop Pete from killing anyone this time,” Xander continued. “The life that’s led him up to this decision is still there. He thought of taking the potion once. There’s no saying he won’t think of doing it again. Only, I won’t know about it next time. It’s like with Angelus, the Du Lac Cross, Ted, the Coach, other stuff. I’ve stopped them all from getting their way, but sometimes Angel still turns to Angelus, Drusilla still gets a power-up, and all the other stuff happens—only in different ways.”
“But the other option is letting someone die,” Giles distastefully noted. “That’s not something we can allow ourselves to do.”
“It’s not the only other option,” Willow stated. “You’ve been letting things happen to a point and stopping it before it gets too terrible.” With hopeful eyes, she asked him, “What’s that look like in this scenario?”
Xander could tell Willow was anxious about him. Ever since they had learned about his hell in the time braid, Willow, Giles, and Jenny had been researching non-stop for a way to get him out. It had been a few weeks, and despite the dozens of books read, they still hadn’t come up with anything. Other than a spell for a weak time loop, they had nothing but hope to cling to—Willow, more than anyone.
Clearing his throat, Xander answered, “Around the full moon is when all this stuff happens; specifically, a mutilated body out in the woods. I suggest we stop Pete from killing anyone, but leave him be until he’s too far gone, then, X him out.”
They eyed Xander with a mixture of concern and surprise in their eyes, but, as ever, Xander didn’t mind. It was amusing enough for him to continue the loop.
“That’s a little... callous,” Jenny remarked.
“Again, it’s up to you guys,” Xander told them with a shoulder shrug. “I’ll do whatever you want.”
“We should talk to Pete,” Willow suggested. “Maybe we can change his mind. You said he does it for Debbie. Maybe if he realizes he doesn’t have to go so far, he’ll never become a monster and we can prevent the whole thing.”
Cordelia was the first of them to side with Xander, saying, “I don’t know. I’m with Xander on this one. You can’t save everyone, and there’s no guarantee he won’t do it in the future.”
Though Faith was amicable toward Xander, she agreed with Willow. “I’m with Red. Let’s try to save people when we can.”
Xander felt her dig at him, but didn’t care much.
“Really?” Cordelia asked the brunette slayer. “Even after your watcher? He did warn you about Kakistos and it still happened.”
Before Faith could angrily repudiate the cheerleader, Giles quickly stated, “I vote we attempt to reason with him.”
“Same,” Jenny agreed, placing a palm on Cordelia’s shoulder.
Buffy eyed Xander a moment before siding with Willow, stating, “Let’s talk him down.”
With Oz also voting to talk Pete down, the Scoobies came up with a plan.