Valentine’s Hostage
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During January’s phone call with Faith, Xander delved into the mysterious forces of evil, revealing to her the existence of vampires, demons, and monsters, and shared with her his encounters with many of them. Of course, she didn’t believe him, but whether she did or not, that wasn’t what was important. All that mattered was that he was upfront about that unbelievable fact and that they were talking semi-regularly. Moreover, the pair enjoyed goofing off and going on tangents that had them laughing by the end. Faith asked if vampire leprechauns were real because she’d once mixed Count Chocula and Lucky Charms; and wondered if a werewolf on the moon would remain that way indefinitely.
February’s phone call was the longest yet, and Xander—not typically a fan of long phone conversations—found himself speaking with Faith for over an hour and a half without even noticing the time. With their matching dark sense of humor, he found it was effortless. Xander shared with her the forces of good; such as Slayers, Watchers, positive magic-wielders, and magic in many of its forms. Faith was once again unconvinced but enjoyed his story-telling ability, as well as the money he sent. To Xander’s amusement, she made fun of everything, calling a witch that was both good and bad ‘bi-hexual,’ and even shared her own form of magic: making boneless things hard and other things wet without water. It was more sexual than Xander expected, but he laughed all the same.
With a touch of self-deprecating humor, Xander quipped, “Compared to that, my magic’s pretty lame.”
“What’s that?”
“Annoying one person for the rest of our lives in holy matrimony,” he joshed.
“Shii, my magic’s definitely better,” Faith guffawed. “Do you know why marriage is like a fart?”
“Who do you think you’re talking to?” a playfully cocky Xander asked. “It’s like a fart because if you have to force it, it’s probably shit.”
They both laughed, relishing in the freedom to joke without thinking of their burdens in life. After another twenty minutes of joking around, Xander stated how he had to go, and Faith couldn’t help but reply, “Oh… okay. Uh, before you do… I still don’t understand how any of this is related to me or how you, specifically, know me.”
“Oooh, I’m afraid that’s all the time we have folks. Stay tuned for more-”
“Oh, you motherfucker!” she interjected.
He laughed before stating, “The next one’s going to be real juicy. Promise.”
——
As a condition for going public with their relationship, Xander agreed to let Cordelia revamp his wardrobe. But even with his improved fashion on top of his popular custom motorcycle, Cordelia couldn’t shake the judgmental looks from the school’s elite class and her own Cordettes. As soon as they walked down a crowded hallway hand in hand, it was as if a switch had been flipped and everyone was staring at them with shock and disapproval.
Xander was unfazed by the gossip and unwanted attention, even from Willow and Buffy. He proudly showed Buffy the gift he’d made for Cordelia while they were out on patrol. It was the golden Draupnir ring he’d always made. He hadn’t explained how it duplicated every nine days, but he was curious to know if Buffy thought Cordelia would like it. The hesitant blonde couldn’t offer an opinion.
“It’s… pretty,” Buffy observed. “But it’s Cordelia. I have no idea. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the two of you dating.”
Xander acknowledged, “I mean, yeah, we don’t have a lot in common, but we have the stuff that matters.”
Kindly, Buffy replied, “Well, then, I’m sure she’ll be happy with the gift.”
Putting away the golden ring, Xander asked, “How are you holding up?”
“I’m holding,” Buffy replied with a smile that Xander didn’t believe was genuine. “I was going on close to two minutes there without thinking about Angel.”
“I get that,” Xander offered. “Getting your heart broken can feel like going through withdrawals. The bigger the love, the harder it hurts.”
As Buffy gazed at Xander, he could see the gears turning in her head, as she processed his words. Her expression was one of surprise, but he couldn’t be sure if it was because she didn’t expect him to understand what she was going through or because she didn’t want to talk about Angel with him.
Hesitantly, Buffy asked, “How… do you…” Before she could finish expressing her thoughts, she seemed to change her mind and put up a brave face again, joking, “I bet you didn’t even get the shakes when you got over me.”
Xander snorted, thinking, ‘Oh, if only you knew!’
After everything he’d gone through due to his twisted misunderstanding of love, Xander could only look at Buffy with a sense of acceptance. They let the topic drop there, and though the rest of the night felt strange, Xander didn’t mind. The only girl he was worried about was Cordelia, since they had only been public for a few days and she wasn’t handling it well.
The following day, pressure from Harmony, and the other popular cliques, made Cordelia change her mind about going public. They all shared wide-spreading belief that Cordelia Chase—consistently the most popular girl since middle school—was committing social suicide by dating geek-extraordinaire Xander Harris. He hadn’t been able to spend time with her all day, and after school, she asked to talk. The anxious cheerleader pulled Xander into an empty classroom and pleaded with him to deny they were together.
Though his heart ached with disappointment, Xander understood Cordelia’s predicament and tried to ease her nerves, stating, “Cor, the cat’s already out of the bag and there’s no putting it back. But it’s going to be okay. We can get through this. We don’t need other people’s opinions to be good together.”
“Look,” the tense Cordelia exclaimed, roughly tucking her loose hair behind her ear. “We can still be together… Let’s just do it where no one can see us. I mean, we’re not voyeurs. And why bring other people down around Valentine’s by flaunting our happy relationship?”
Xander could see the clear desperation in Cordelia’s eyes as she longed to have her popularity back, reminding Xander of what he had told Buffy about withdrawals the night before. He tried to stay composed on the outside, but on the inside, he knew he shouldn’t feel disappointed in her. She was seventeen and hadn’t gone through nearly the amount of growing pains he had. It wasn’t right to expect a certain level of maturity without the work necessary to attain it, but he still felt sad. Xander gently took her right hand and slid the replicating golden ring he’d made for her onto her ring finger.
At her curious and stunned expression, he explained, “That was going to be your Valentine’s Day gift. Made it myself.” He then explained how the ring duplicated every nine days—allowing her to melt and sell the gold—before softly expressing, “If you’re too embarrassed to be with me, then we can’t be together.”
He kissed her on the cheek before walking out of the classroom.
News of their breakup spread like wildfire, and for the next two days, half the popular cliques in the school either openly mocked him for shooting out of his league, while the other half were content to talk about him behind his back. Xander didn’t mind, and could casually go about his day. Buffy and Willow were sympathetic and offered to cheer him up by taking him to the Bronze.
He’d rather not, but Buffy asked, “Come on, misery loves company. Let’s do ours together.”
Willow felt compelled to add, “Uh, well, I’m not actually miserable, on account of, you know, my boyfriend Oz, but I can still come, can’t I? Oz is playing and, and, I’m really good at channeling my inner misery. It’ll be like I’ve never felt happiness in my entire life.”
Xander snorted in amusement and decided to go. Sadly, they happened to go on a night that Cordelia and the Cordettes went. He should’ve expected it—what with it being so close to Valentine’s Day. The popular dance club was decorated with red, pink, and black balloons, streamers, and many heart-shaped cutouts. Cordelia was on the dance floor, dancing with her shallow friends and some older guys. She wore her sexiest black dress that accentuated her ass, showed plenty of her toned legs, and offered plenty of cleavage—Xander’s favorite.
She stopped dancing the moment their eyes locked, and he could see the regret—the longing—but fierce determination in her brown eyes. Xander might be strong of mind, but he certainly didn’t want to see Cordelia dancing with a bunch of guys all night, and bid his friends good night.
“Are you sure?” the concerned Buffy asked. “Oh! How about movies at my place? Mom won’t be home ‘til later. We can storm the pantry for sugary treats.”
“As much as I enjoy a good gorging, I’ll pass this time,” Xander replied. “You guys should have fun, though. Say ‘hi’ to Oz for me.”
Xander went home and changed into his Nox gear, hoping to slay some vampires, or just find anything to hit. Sadly, he found nothing to kill by his fifth cemetery, feeling extra rejected when even blood-sucking monsters wouldn’t attack him. As he stomped through the cemetery, Dreadnought in hand and ready, Xander dreaded a lonely Valentine’s Day. He was surprised, however, when he heard a familiar voice calling out to him. Drawing in his brows in curiosity, he ran through a patch of trees, and on the other side, in a clearing under the moonlight, he saw Joyce Summers.
“Mrs. S?” he questioned as she walked onto the path between two lines of smaller mausoleums
Xander stilled when he noted three men walking out from behind the mausoleums on either side of the scared mother. Two very large vampires walked right behind Joyce, and Spike stepped forward. The blond-haired menace jovially brought a knife up to her neck—making her shiver a moment in fright—as he looked at Xander with a cocksure grin. The threat was obvious, and typically, Xander wouldn’t become overly worried. However, unbeknownst to Spike, Xander’s determination to save Joyce was equal to his determination not to loop back via killing Spike.
‘Held hostage by the one guy I can’t kill,’ he frustratingly thought.
“You know the drill,” Spike said, pressing the blade harder against Joyce’s skin, making her shudder and try to move away. Sadly, the larger demons held her in place. “Toss it here,” the blond ordered, looking at the large battleaxe in Xander’s hand.
The teen warrior made a show of drawing the axe behind him, as if to throw it at his enemies, but reluctantly thought better of that action, and simply tossed it. Xander would never risk Joyce’s life, but he needed to touch Hellguard at his lower back and make it—in addition to his ring—invisible. Xander tossed Dreadnought. The heavy weapon landed and skidded several yards to a stop in front of the kidnappers.
The English vampire approached the magical weapon with a sneer, and attempted to lift it off the ground. To Spike’s immense surprise and amusement, no matter how hard he pulled, he couldn’t even budge it. In his strenuous pulling, his fingers slipped, and he sprung up so fast he nearly lost his balance.
“Bloody hell!” the astonished vampire called. “You really can’t lift the thing.”
From behind him, Spike’s vampire thug asked, “Can I try, boss?”
Turning, Spike nodded and moved aside as he said, “Go on then, Curly. Give ‘er a whirl.”
The 6’5’’ 280 lb vampire with a baby face moved around Joyce to the weapon and rubbed his hands before attempting to pick it. They watched the groaning Curly try to pick it up while Xander focused on the meaner-looking vampire holding the knife to Joyce’s neck. Despite the large vampire’s supernatural strength, Dreadnought would not be moved by anything without a soul.
Curly strained to lift it so incredibly hard, Spike felt compelled to warn him, “Don’t pull your back out, now.” Curly ceased his futile attempts before their boss turned to the second vampire and asked, “Moe?” With the knife to Joyce’s throat, the scowling Moe shook his head. “No? Right then.” Spike looked at Joyce and said, “Go on then, mum. Let’s see what you’ve got.”
A trembling Joyce looked like she was holding in how terrified she was as she turned to the blond vampire, confused.
“Pick it up,” Spike slowly instructed the scared woman.
Cautiously—as if she wasn’t sure if they wouldn’t just kill her if she moved—Joyce took a step forward. “There you are, darlin’,” Spike encouraged. “Just a few more steps, then pick it up.”
The anxious mother warily moved to the weapon. When she grabbed it, Xander thought he might be able to pull the woman to him upon calling Dreadnought, but there was no guarantee she’d hold on and with Moe—a constant threat to her jugular vein—right beside her, he didn’t want to take the risk. Though it took more muscle to lift the heavy metal, Joyce picked up Dreadnought whereas the vampires couldn’t.
“Will you look at that?” Spike scoffed in amused disbelief. “Guess our dear ol’ Angelus was right.” Turning to Xander, he called in praise, “You’re a very talented weaponsmith. We’re going to get a lot of use out of you.”
A confused and nervous Joyce stuttered to call, “X-Xander?”
Xander’s heart broke for her. He didn’t want such a lovely person in danger, and with steady eyes and a comforting expression, he assured her, “Don’t worry Mrs. S. It’s going to be okay.”
“That’s right Mrs. S. Everything’s peachy,” Spike teased. Getting to business, he confidently walked around Joyce as he instructed Xander, “Right, this is how it’s going to work. Mum here is going to hold on to that axe of yours—tightly—and not let go. It’s literally her lifeline. Moe and Curly are going to take her somewhere nice and safe, and if you call that bad boy from her hands at any point, they kill the Slayer’s mum right on the spot. Understood?”
“You can have me,” Xander offered. “Just let her go.”
Looking at Xander as if he were a dunce, Spike asked, “Why? So you can call your magical axe when she’s safe? Give us a little more credit than that, mate.” Xander sighed before nodding to Spike in agreement. “There’s a good lad.”
While Moe kept the knife to Joyce’s throat, Curly walked over to check Xander for any weapons. Before the vampire reached him, the teen raised his arms with a convincing level of frustration—wanting to sell his being backed into a corner—and summoned the invisible Hellguard to his hand. After Curly patted him down and tossed his belt of wooden daggers, he gave Spike the all clear and the group split up. Moe, Curly, and Joyce headed north, whilst Xander and Spike went south.
“It’s going to be okay, Mrs. S!” Xander called before the vampire shoved him along.
Xander was taken to their hideout—the Bric and Broc building—and moved through the warehouse while discreetly holding onto the invisible Hellguard the entire time. Vampires came out from behind every stack of crates and corner to witness the fresh meat being brought for slaughter. At the center of the warehouse, Xander was shoved so hard before Angelus and Drusilla that he fell to one knee, nearly dropping his dagger to the concrete floor. The Bric & Broc building was as cold as ever, but otherwise, it was a fifth or sixth home to Xander by this point.
“Xander,” Angelus called out with a clap of his hands. He was smiling as he grabbed the teen hostage by the shoulders and effortlessly lifted him, joking, “No need to be so formal. I can’t tell you how happy I am to have you join us.” As Xander wasn’t overly worried, he gave Angelus a lifeless half-smile as the vampire merrily walked around him, saying, “I was just telling my friends how talented you are at making magical weapons, and they couldn’t believe it. Said there was no way. That I had to be lying.”
“Wouldn’t have if I didn’t see it with me own eyes,” Spike chimed in. “Fantastic work, boy.”
Drusilla moved very close to their prisoner, and he tried not to get hard from the memories of having had sex with her in a previous loop. Out of her mind, she may be, he couldn’t deny how attractive she was. The mystical vampiress lightly passed her gesticulating fingers over his face and neck as she hummed.
Drusilla closed her eyes a moment before voicing with a dream-like tone, “His soul is positively bursting with knowledge.” She swayed left and right rather erotically as she sang, “Round and round and round it goes, like a dancer in the frost; forever frozen and spinning! So wondrous!”
Xander wondered what her fractured mind saw in him as the broad-shouldered Angelus stood imposingly in front of Xander—the threat to his life was unmistakable—and asserted, “And we really, really want that knowledge. So, if you want to live, which, if I’m being honest, you probably won’t. You’re just too close to Buffy, and Valentine’s day is tomorrow. How can I not mutilate your body and leave it in her bedroom, you know? I’m sure you understand it’s just too good of a gift to pass up.”
Xander simply nodded, stating, “Yeah, that’s pretty standard.”
For a moment, Angelus was confused by Xander’s lackluster reaction, but smiled, laughing it away, saying, “I never really credited you with the smarts to catch on quickly, but clearly, I was wrong. Though, don’t make it too boring for me. Feel free to scream as often as you’d like.”
Unfazed, Xander’s eyes darted to Drusilla, then Spike, before returning to Angelus, and said, “You were saying something about my knowledge.”
Again, Angelus was taken aback by Xander’s dull reaction, but brushed it off before continuing, “Right. Now, rather than saving your own skin, if you want Buffy’s beautiful mother to stay alive by the end of the night, you’re going to write down everything you do know in this little notebook.” The vampire boss extended his hand and one of his minions handed him a notebook that he slammed on the table. “We’re also going to verify the accuracy with our guy to make sure you’re not lying. Though, if the info you gave us doesn’t check out, I’m going to be very upset with you, Xander. So upset, I’d have to take all my frustration out on sweet, innocent Willow. Do we understand each other?”
Ignoring all the snarky comments or questions coming to mind, nothing mattered more than Joyce remaining safe and unhurt, so he casually replied, “Yeah. I got it.” Throughout Angelus’ speech, Xander had been making educated probabilities and predictions, compelling him to add, “But, if I can make a small request? I mean, seeing as I’m going to die and all.”
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Angelus turned to the others, wondering about the odd teen, before shrugging and stating, “I suppose. I’m a nice guy—for a murderer, I mean. Let’s hear it.”
Xander took his keys from his pocket and tossed them to Spike before asking, “Can someone bring my bike here? I built it from the ground up. If tonight’s the night I kick the great bucket… I want to see her one last time before I go.”
“Mystical bond between man and machine,” Spike chanted with reverence. “I respect it. I’ll fetch her for ya. Could use a joy ride, anyway.”
“No, I’ll go,” Angelus declared. He walked up to Spike and took the keys. The blond eyed him with restrained annoyance as the older vampire explained with glee, “The look on Buffy’s face when she sees me on his bike is too good to pass up.”
Spike heatedly told Angel, “You know how much I love a mean bike, brother.”
“You can have it after I’m done,” he returned before snidely adding, “just like everything else.”
Wrapping her arms around Xander’s neck, Drusilla remarked, “She’ll come for him.”
With a wicked smile, Angelus replied, “I’m counting on it.”
“Oooohhhh, so evil it’s beautiful!” she happily sang.
“Lock our guest in our finest room and be ready,” Angelus ordered the crowd of vampires. “We’ll be having company over soon!”
As the crowd of vampires cheered, two of the blood-sucking demons shoved Xander forward. Having visited the building so many times over the century, he’d memorized the layout and knew the holding room they were shoving him toward. The vampires opened the steel door and pushed him inside the brick room. Xander was familiar with the manacles bolted to the wall and the blacked-out windows with security bars. Fortunately, they didn’t lock him up. Though even if he was, he’d just cut through the steel bars with Hellguard.
The vampires threw the notebook at him, the pen on the floor, and the smaller skinnier one ordered, “Write! And remember, we can remove an ear if you’re not writing fast enough.”
“Yeah, I know. I was there,” Xander told them. Before they left, Xander quickly asked, “Hey, are either of you friends with Moe or Curly?”
“Shut it and get writing!” the skinny vampire yelled.
“I will, I will,” Xander genuinely replied, grabbing the pen and notebook. With a child-like demonstration, he displayed how he was going to write while continuing to inquire, “I was just wondering if you could call and tell them not to hurt her. It’s obvious I’m going to die—no doubt about that—but if I know she’s okay, it’ll be worth it, you know?”
They looked at each other for a moment and laughed. As he chuckled, the larger of the two asked, “Why the hell would we do that? How stupid do you think we are? There is no calling them.” Immediately, Xander wondered if there was no communication because wherever Moe and Curly were didn’t have a phone, or because only the bosses were allowed to call. The larger vamp added, “They’re just going to kill her if you don’t do what the boss wants.”
Hoping to squeeze a little more intel, Xander asked, “Which boss?”
“Spike-” “Angelus-”
The vampires turned to each other, surprised by the other’s answer.
Prodding a little further, Xander asked, “Wouldn’t the boss be whoever’s giving Drusilla the ol’ seesaw?”
“Spike-” “Angelus-”
They turned to each other again. The shorter vampire quickly had enough and punched Xander in the stomach. “That’s enough!” he yelled, threatening, “Get to work or lose an ear!”
Though in serious pain, Xander exaggerated it to agony as he wrapped his arms around his stomach and he fell to the floor. He gasped for air and cried out as he grunted, “I think… you broke… a rib!”
Pleased with himself, the shorter vampire smirked as he touted, “Serves ya right for mouthing off.”
They left and locked the steel door behind them, the locking mechanism making a loud CLANKING noise. Already healed, Xander groaned loudly so they wouldn’t hear him cut through the metal bars with his unbreakable Hellguard. As he worked, he thought about Joyce and how to save her.
Dusting all the vampires it took to escape the building would be easy for him to do, but he didn’t know where they were keeping Joyce. While he was searching for her, Moe and Curly could get a call from Spike or Angelus and that would be the end of the beautiful mother. Buffy would be the wild card. Angelus and Spike could use Xander and Joyce to coerce the Slayer, which wouldn’t help Joyce. However, if he could get to Buffy first, she could save her mother. Xander had cut through most of the bars when his guards returned.
Xander pretended to be writing when they entered the room. The shorter one informed the hostage, “Angelus—the boss—just got back,” he said. “Won’t be long before the Slayer shows up and gets sucked dry.”
“I hope they give us a turn before they kill her,” the larger one remarked. Pretending he had pliers in his hand, he acted out pulling teeth as he said, “I’d love to pull her teeth out and add it to my collection. She nearly killed me once, but she had a nice set of ivory on her.”
Rolling his eyes, the shorter one ordered, “Man, just shut up and check if we’re cutting off an ear or not.”
Before the large one even moved, Xander showed them the notebook, and they saw empty pages. They smiled before laughing, and rather unexpectedly, the calm human joined them. Xander laughed with them long enough for the vampires to slowly stop.
The larger one asked, “What’re you laughing about?”
“He’s probably lost it,” the shorter vamp asserted.
“Nah,” Xander told them. “I’m just realizing I don’t need both of you.”
With incredibly enhanced speed and power, the far stronger Xander rocketed towards the nearest vampire. He swiftly decapitated the demon with a single slash, using the momentum to spin into a powerful roundhouse kick to the chest that sent the demon flying before it turned to dust. The white powder of the foe flew into the eyes of the larger vampire, distracting him long enough for Xander to stealthily come up behind him and place a now visible Hellguard against his neck.
The vampire stilled as Xander casually explained, “This magical blade I got against your neck is called Hellguard. It’s specially designed to kill vampires. Just touching it feels a lot like holy water-”
“AAAGGGGhhh!” it groaned in pain, as Xander pressed the flat of the Viking dagger against the vampire’s pale skin.
Xander eased the mild torture and pressed the razor edge to the demon’s jugular as he said, “If you want to live, we’re getting out of here. What’s your name?”
“B-Brett,” he stiffly answered.
“Brett, it’s nice to meet you. Now let’s go.” When the vampire made to move toward the door, Xander shook his head, saying, “No, no, no, no, no. Not that way.”
Once the pair were outside, Xander summoned concealing magic from Odin’s ring to make him as close to invisible as possible—like the camouflage of an octopus. He wasn’t completely invisible but close enough that in the night’s darkness, his vampire hostage seemed to be the only one visible leaving the factory. Xander rushed his prisoner near the best spot to spy on the Bric & Broc building—an abandoned warehouse two blocks away with a caved-in roof that was overgrown with vegetation—and just as Xander hoped, Buffy attacked the vampire.
Xander didn’t pull Brett back when the Slayer sneak-attacked him with a kick to the face. Xander winced as Brett flew and landed hard on the dirt, then became completely visible again, stopping Buffy in her tracks. She looked at him in disbelief and asked, “Xander?”
Before he could answer, the strong girl launched herself into his chest, hugging him desperately—as if he had returned from the dead. A gentle smile formed on Xander’s face, and he hugged the anxious girl with one arm. He only pulled away to throw his dagger through Brett’s hand and into the ground, preventing the groaning vampire from running away.
Xander pulled away from Buffy, and, though surprised to see how relieved she was to see him, he sternly informed her, “Buffy, we don’t have time. You need to take Brett here and go find your mom.”
Drawing her brows in sharp confusion, she asked, “My mom? What-”
He quickly explained, “They kidnapped your mom cuz they knew I’d come quietly with her as a hostage. Two vampires named Moe and Curly are guarding her. I know they went somewhere north of Golden Gate cemetery, but I don’t know where.” Pointing a thumb at the injured vampire, he added, “Brett’s going to take you right to them if he wants to live.”
Quickly understanding the situation, the focused Slayer nodded as she said, “Alright, let’s go.”
“No can do,” he sadly stated, taking a step back toward the Bric & Broc building. Buffy quickly grew worried as he explained, “If they see I’m gone... I don’t know for sure they can’t just call the vamps holding her and kill her. I need to go back and buy you as much time as I can to find her.”
Stepping forward and grabbing his hand, Buffy shook her head as she declared, “No. I’m not letting you go back to a warehouse full of vampires! Anything could happen while I’m searching, and Brett might not even know where my mom is! No, Xander! I’m not going to let you go back there! Just come with me-”
Xander had to leave sooner than he could force Buffy to see reason. So, he leaned down and stunned the girl with a kiss. Their pressed lips wasn’t an overly affectionate kiss and didn’t last for more than three seconds, but it was warm and comforting. As quickly as the smooch began, it ended, and Xander backed away, nearly snickering at her shocked expression.
With a smile, he said, “That wasn’t one of those dramatic goodbye kisses or anything. I wanted you to snap out of it, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to slap a Slayer.” The corner of her mouth curled, but she was still more surprised by the kiss, until he said, “Everything’s going to be alright, Buffy. Now, go!”
Before she could stop him, Xander turned and ran back, summoning Hellguard so Buffy could take her hostage and find her mom. He made it into the room through the window and began writing typical sword forging steps but with gibberish runes, temperature, and times. After an hour in his room, Xander assumed they were done waiting for Buffy to show up because Spike came in and dragged him out. The blond vampire flipped through the notes as they walked back to the main floor, but oddly enough, he mainly boasted about Xander’s scrambler-style motorcycle.
“That is—hands down—the best scrambler I’ve ever seen,” Spike complimented. “Used to be into Bratstyle, myself, but moved on to Cafe Racers in the 50s; they were all the rage back then.”
Despite being enemies, Xander found himself remarking, “CRs are definitely great for speed and handling. I would’ve gone that route, but I needed that on & off-road kick, you know?”
“Naturally, naturally,” Spike readily agreed with a wave of his hand.
Xander felt odd about this level of camaraderie with the vampire that’d caused him so much pain in the past, but it was nice talking about performance bikes. Additionally, how could he claim to have moved on if he still held a grudge—not that he was eager to be friends? However, he could at least be civil. Xander would never claim to like Spike, but he liked how he was handling being next to the charming sociopath. It made Xander feel like he’d accomplished something important.
Spike boasted, “I nearly went mad when I saw the turbocharger and custom exhaust! How much boost did you get?”
“175,” Xander proudly answered.
“Mate, you’re a lunatic!”
It was strange—and yet not strange—to get on with Spike. In his Old Man memories, Xander knew that they had become roommates later on, and eventually friends, though much, much later in life. At the moment, however, the blond vampire was still very much evil.
Once in the main room, a far more annoyed Angelus said, “Really hate to interrupt the nauseating bromance, since we’re killing him and all…”
In the middle of the warehouse, Xander saw his beautiful stealth-black bike and grinned broadly. Turning to his captors, as if asking permission with his eyes, Spike nodded. The raven-haired teen jumped on his bike and extended his hand for the key. Angelus looked at him as if he were crazy to even ask.
Xander reminded the vampire, “Where am I going to go in a warehouse full of vampires? I just want to start her up.”
Rolling his eyes, Angelus tossed him the keys and Xander turned on his bike.
“Ohhh yeah,” he moaned happily, putting more emphasis on his enjoyment than was necessary.
Angelus was distracted, complaining to all that would listen. “I’m just… I can’t believe she didn’t show,” he said. “I really thought she would. I’m so disappointed in her.”
“I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire,” Xander nonchalantly commented. Though Spike chuckled, Angelus looked ready to kill Xander, who simply suggested, “Maybe she doesn’t think you have me.”
‘Just keep them talking,’ Xander thought.
Irked at the human, Angelus scornfully rebutted, “Or maybe she doesn’t love you nearly as much as you love her.”
Perking up at the juicy gossip, Spike teased, “Does he now?”
“Oh, yeah,” Angelus answered with a mocking grin. “The virgin hopeful love was radiating off him like the stink off shit,” he relayed, making the others laugh. Angelus walked up to the teen as he gleefully mocked, “Sad you’ll never get the chance to taste such a sweet cock sleeve, but the need to leave her a Valentine’s surprise is insatiable.”
Lifting the notebook, Spike suggested, “We should probably make sure this actually works before we off him. Not everything has to be about your ex, mate.”
“I honestly just want to kill him,” Angelus grumbled, flinging his arms in frustration.
“And what are we supposed to do about the Slayer’s weapon?” the rational Spike argued. “Or his, for that matter? Can’t even lift the bloody thing.”
“Fine!” Angelus called out, exasperated, as if they were arguing about taking out the trash. “He doesn’t need his legs to write. Anyone have a problem with me cutting off his legs and sending them to her? No? Great.”
From over his shoulder, Spike called out to any of his captains around the room, “Someone go nab a doctor from the hospital. Make sure he doesn’t bleed out on us,” he said, more for himself.
Considering how long it had been, Xander asked, “Is Mrs. Summers okay?”
“I’d worry more about yourself, mate,” Spike replied.
“What for? I’m going to die anyway,” the teen returned, pointing his chin toward an irate Angelus. Spike nodded in agreement before Xander continued, “I just want to know that she’s okay. I mean, you’re keeping my bike—that I worked super hard on, by the way. The least you can do is tell me if my death saved her or not.”
Angelus casually ordered the few captains in the room, “Tell ‘em to have their fun with her, then let her go before dawn.” Spike rolled his eyes, as if disapproving of the order, but was also indifferent. He nodded to one of his men and he moved to the phone, likely to call Moe and Curly.
‘The moment of truth,’ Xander thought as he casually focused on the stout vampire.
Still on his running motorcycle, the teen prayed Buffy got to her mom in time as he watched the demon pick up the receiver and began dialing, suggesting to Xander that the place was known among the vampires in the room. The vampire that would decide his fate stopped dialing a moment and turned to Spike.
He cautiously asked, “Boss, can we go over too?” Spike gave his captain a confused look, to which he responded, “You know I wouldn’t normally, but it’s the Slayer’s mom. Opportunity like that don’t just come around all that often.”
“No,” Spike heatedly answered. “We may be blood-thirsty demons who delight in killing and torturing innocent women and children, but we got more class than that.”
“Go ahead,” Angelus told the fifteen men in the room. Spike looked at him in disbelief and Angelus asked, “What? It’s Valentine’s day. What’s wrong with sharing the love? And can you picture the glorious look on Buffy’s face when she learns her mother’s been ran through every which way by a gang of vampires?” The gleeful vampire pumped his fists as he groaned, “Aaaaahhh! If only I was there to see it. The agony, shock, remorse, and self-loathing in her eyes. It’ll crush her, I just know it.”
Hoping to delay them even longer, Xander pointed out, “Man, you’re really obsessed with her. It’s all ‘picture Buffy this,’ and, ‘imagine Buffy that’ with you. It’s like there’s only one song in the jukebox.”
“Hate to agree with a blood bag, but let’s call a spade a spade, mate,” Spike concurred. “You’re obsessed.”
Angelus walked over to Xander and punched him hard across the face, knocking him off his bike and onto the stone floor. His vision blurred, tripled, and danced around in circles. The stabbing agony he felt was signaling to his brain that half of his face was blown off. It was more likely that his jaw was broken. Additionally, he could feel blood in his mouth and streaming down his nose. Fortunately, with his ring, Xander was already healing.
“Someone get that doctor here quick,” an irate Angelus yelled. “I just realized he doesn’t need his tongue to write either.”
A vampire groaned in annoyance from just out of Xander’s line of sight.
“Uh, Boss?” the stout vampire called.
Spike replied, “Yeah, Charlie?”
Charlie’s round face looked confused as he said, “Ain’t no one picking up.”
“What do you mean?” Spike asked, drawing his brow together.
Shaking his head, Charlie responded, “I’ve been calling and calling, but it just keeps ringing.”
Becoming suspicious, Spike ordered his men, “Get over there. Make sure they’re not just playing.”
With his bike idling next to him, Xander wondered if Buffy had rescued her mother yet. If she hadn’t, then escaping right now would likely lead to Joyce’s death. If she had, this might be his best—and only—chance to get out. Xander was desperate to go while they were distracted, because the moment the doctor arrived, he was going to have to fight Angelus, Spike, Drusilla, and a warehouse full of vampires to get out. He didn’t think he could do that without killing Spike or Angel, triggering him to loop back.
Xander’s broken jaw and bleeding nose were nearly healed when the phone rang. Charlie picked it up, and Xander heard him say to Angelus, “Uh, it’s for you.”
The handsome vampire put the receiver to his ear and smiled as he recognized the voice on the other end. That was all Xander needed to open his palm and summon Dreadnought to him. He looked around the factory for a rough location of where everyone was as well as any opportunity for a diversion. When Angel turned to Spike, he gestured with his head to get Xander.
The blond vampire almost looked remorseful, but walked over to the teen. Xander got to his feet and threw the now-visible Hellguard at Spike. With the blond’s skill level, he caught the Viking dagger by the handle just as the tip punctured his shoulder, causing him to grunt in pain before immediately being pulled down by his unworthiness to wield the weapon.
Xander shocked the vampire with a bout of electricity before he hit the ground and called his Viking dagger back. Angelus and Drusilla came at him from both sides, but he was unwilling to kill either of them. Dizzy as he was, he didn’t trust throwing the knife at moving targets with much accuracy, but he could make sure the three were tangled. Xander dodged Angelus’ punch to grip and pull him in when Drusilla grabbed him from behind. Before they could sink their fangs into him, Xander electrocuted them and himself—all the while begging for his dagger and ring’s curative forces to heal him—before they dropped to the floor.
Xander no longer felt the agony on his face. Instead, his organs felt baked, his blood was like sludge, and he couldn’t control his spasming body. He blacked out for a few seconds, then pushed himself to move and continue calling his trusted battleaxe. With Angelus and Drusilla down, there were still ten other vampires moving to attack him. Then they heard destruction from afar, while Xander only felt it. Dreadnought destroyed walls and beams and cut three unlucky vampires in half, coming to its master’s outstretched hand. Xander instantly felt better with his familiar weapon in hand.
Three vampires hadn’t expected Xander to gently toss the battleaxe to them. Either they didn’t know, forgot, or thought better, because two of them caught it and were immediately bent in half, being dragged down by their hands. The third one’s foot was caught underneath the butt of the handle, trapping him as well. Xander electrocuted all three so hard they burst into dust as he fought two other vampires, swiping at them with Hellguard to keep them at bay. The remaining vampires were assisting their bosses, as a spasming, burnt, broken, and hurting Xander jumped on his bike and raced to the receiving bay doors.
“After h-him!” Angelus yelled, and the two henchmen that were helping him ran after Xander.
Without the space to pick up speed, they were on Xander relatively quickly. However, he summoned Dreadnought as they were about to grab him. Dreadnought sliced through one vampire, and once his weapon was in hand, he decapitated the other. It was then that Xander noted two vampires arriving with crossbows in hand.
He peeled out and went as fast as he could, maneuvering around crates and columns to the receiving bay doors. He leaped off of his bike as he was being shot at. Bolts from crossbows whizzed by his head as he chopped through the chain and lock of the door. Grabbing the handle to lift the vertical-retracting door, a bolt punctured through his left trapezius muscle.
“AAGGhh!” Xander groaned, feeling the agonizing burning immediately.
He had seconds before Angelus, Spike, Drusilla, and many more vampires were on him. Xander didn’t have time to pull the short arrow out, so he gritted his teeth and pulled the metal door open, running to his bike. He threw Dreadnought at them with all his might, and while it spun in the air, he triggered a violent amount of electricity as he jumped on his bike. As he rode his scrambler under the receiving door, the night’s cold mist hit his face as another bolt struck his back.
His vision was swimming, and he felt like his body was swaying even on his bike, but he didn’t dare stop. He needed to get away first, and rode his bike hard and fast toward his house. Despite his ring keeping him awake and replenishing the blood loss, he needed to remove the arrows. However, upon stopping and attempting to do so, he learned his right hand couldn’t reach them, especially the one at his back.
Xander raced home, all the while thinking, ‘‘Heal, heal, heal.’
He eventually pulled into his garage, though he wasn’t sure how. It felt like the left side of his brain had gone to sleep while the other drove, and now he couldn’t remember how he’d gotten home. He stumbled to his phone and called Giles before falling to the grown, all the while thinking, ‘Heal… heal… hea-’
Then he saw black.